


SEAL Team - Baby Girl!

by MirandaForever



Category: SEAL Team (TV)
Genre: 18+, Angst, Blow Job, Break Up, Clay Spenser - Freeform, Developing Relationship, Discussion of Abortion, F/M, Heart Break, Hiding Medical Issues, Hurt, Love, Masturbation in Shower, Medical Examination, Military, Navy, One Night Stands, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Own Character, Secret Relationship, Sex, Shower Sex, Surprises, Team, Tragedy, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vaginal Sex, adult, seal - Freeform, seal team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-02-12 19:11:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 55
Words: 266,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21481408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MirandaForever/pseuds/MirandaForever
Summary: A chance meeting with a new girl in town is love at first sight for Clay. But surprise baby news turns his life upside down and when Kelsey leaves he must learn to live with his heart break. Until an unexpected visitor brings welcome news & life changing consequences. He'll need all his strength, all his resolve and all of his team! **some adult content NSFW***
Relationships: clay spenser/kelsey roberts
Comments: 70
Kudos: 106





	1. What's that?

**   
**

**Has adult themes so if smut is not your thing then turn back.**

**Please enjoy and perhaps leave me a comment let me know if you like it? :) Much love x**

** My Baby Girl! **

** Chapter 1 - What's that? **

Clay's sitting on the high stool by the bar, sipping from his bottle of beer. It's late evening and he looks around, taking in the busy atmosphere, watching as people come and go in the bar area. He feels tired. Tired from the mission, tired of arguing with his girlfriend, Ellen, and really just tired in general. He lets out a long exhausted sigh and runs his hands through his hair before he continues drinking his beer.

"Double vodka. Please!" The woman standing next to him shouts her order, to the barman as she leans against the counter, waiting. She looks around the bar, glancing at Clay, giving him a really big smile which he returns with one of his own. He continues to watch her while the barman pours her drink. She looks at him again, giving him another big grin.  
  
He notices the look on her face and he frowns. For some reason he doesn't know why but he feels like she's laughing at him. "What?" he questions, still staring at her.

"Nothing." She smiles. Taking a breath she continues to stare at him and he can't take his eyes off her. She smiles again and leans in towards him, "You know, if I were you. I'd tell her it's over!"

"Sorry what?" he's confused. He can tell from her over confident mannerism that she's been drinking, but his interest in her is actually piqued by the sound of her very clean, very clear, if not alcohol slurred British accent.

"That woman you're with. You should tell her it's over."

"Um... sorry why would I do that?" he's even more confused by her comment

"Because...." she laughs " that's how it looks to me. Like it's over." As he frowns at her, she smiles again "Oh c'mon, you look bored. I mean you haven't listened to a word that she's said all night, have you?"  
  
She laughs before picking up her drink. Then totally ignoring him, and any reply he might give, she heads back to the pool table. His forehead wrinkles up as he watches her drunkenly stagger away. He keeps his eyes on her, watching as she picks up the cue and racks up the balls on the table  
  
"What the hell?!" He's perplexed as to why she would say what she did. "What the hell was that about?" he laughs as he looks at the barman. He's shaking his head, finding it amusing that a random stranger has just told him to split up with his girlfriend. He can't stop laughing about it as he looks over at her again. Then he picks up his bottle of beer and carries on drinking.

"Clay, shall we head off now?"

"Sorry, what?"  
  
He frowns as Ellen, his latest girlfriend, picks up her bag from the stool beside him "I said shall we go?" She's staring at him, waiting for an answer, but he doesn't give her one "Clay, are you even listening to me?"

"Um.. yeah! No. um... No, you know what, I was gonna stay a bit longer. Have another beer, unwind a little"

"Great!" she sighs letting out an annoyed sigh "Oh, what's the point?" she's frustrated with him now "To hell with it! You know what, I think we're done."

"What?" He frowns "Done? Ellen c'mon, you're not serious" he stares at her confused "Seriously? Ellen, Ellen what's this about?"

  
"What is this about? Clay, do you really have to ask? Oh god... I don't know, you tell me. You tell me what's going on here?"  
She puts her bag down, and rests her hand on his arm "Look, I haven't seen you for five days. Now, you get back and I don't think you've listened to a word that I've said all night. All you keep doing is yawning. So, really, what is the point?" She shrugs and sighs again "Clay, you've hardly wanted to know me before you got spun up, now you haven't wanted to know at all, since you got back!"

"Wanted to _know_, what the hell does that mean?"

"Oh, for god sake, Clay, do I really need to spell it out?" her annoyance is obvious "We haven't had sex.. " she quietens her voice " ..sex for... well I don't know how long. Oh Jeez!" She shakes her head exasperated "You know what, I don't know why I'm bothering to explain. Actually, I'm not. I'm not bothering. We're done! This, us it's over!"  
  
She picks up her bag and puts it over her shoulder "Goodbye Clay!" Then without another word she leaves.  
  
He sits there, open mouthed slightly shocked by what's she's just said. Turning around he feels he should call after her "Ellen!! Wait, I didn't mean.." he sighs, rubbing his head. He's totally confused, wondering _What the hell just happened here? _  
  
He rubs his face, then turns back to the barman, "You better give me another beer, I think I'm gonna need it." He drinks the rest of the one in his hand, then pushing it back empty, he starts on the fresh one, picking up his phone he starts to text Sonny.

The woman at the pool table, from earlier, has overheard the conversation. She looks up and smiles at him and he shakes his head. He's watching her and gives her a smile acknowledging her looking at him

"Give me a double vodka"  
  
Now, the mystery woman is back at the bar, leaning against it, waiting for the barman. Clay pushes the glass towards her "I got you a drink!"

She frowns, looking at him as she picks it up and sniffs " Double vodka?" she smiles confused  
  
He nods "Guess I should have listened to you earlier."

"Oh really!" she smiles "What, did she dump your arse, did she?"

  
"Yup!" He nods, taking a deep breath " Guess I wasn't paying her enough attention after all."

"Okay and...what? You're now gonna pay some attention to me?" she smiles, teasing and flirting with him.

"I don't know, maybe? I thought we were just talking, are we not?"

She laughs "It's okay, I'm just teasing you" She bites the corner of her lip as she watches him. Their eyes lock as they look each other over "So, do you play pool?" she sighs, looking around at the table in the corner of the room.

"Sometimes!" he nods.

"Sometimes?! Okay." she nods and smiles as she drinks from her glass "So how about right now, do you wanna play, with me?"

"Okay, yeah, I'll play with you" he smiles before picking up their drinks and following her to the pool table. He laughs to himself _WOW! That sure happened fast!_

"So, what's your name?" she smiles, running her hands through her long dark hair

"Um... " he hesitates "Clay! And you are?".

"Kelsey!"

"Kelsey?!" he smiles "You're not from round here are you, Kelsey?"

"Oh, what gave you that impression?" she smiles cheekily

"I don't know ... maybe there's something about your accent?" he laughs  
  


She smiles again, tilting her head, thinking how cute he is "So you um.. you playing or not?"

"Sure!" Clay smiles and then starts to rack up the balls.

  
  
Kelsey drinks from her glass, she bites her lip again, looking him up and down. Her smiles beams and she twirls her hair. He gets the feeling she's flirting with him. "So, you and that girl, was it serious?"

"No!" he laughs, shaking his head "No, I don't think so. I think it was rebound thing, for both of us. I think that..., I guess, I just didn't have the heart to tell it was over before now."

"Oh, so you're a gentleman, sparing her feelings?" She smiles "That's a rare quality these days." She takes another sip from her drink still staring at him, as he positions the balls on the table. "You want another one? A drink I mean"

"Umm ...sure!" he nods "Why not. But um... have you not had enough? You seem to have had a few. I mean, I'm not being rude, and it's certainly not a problem but...I just couldn't help notice that you seem to be knocking them back quite fast."

"Oh, I'm out to get drunk tonight" she laughs "I want to have a good time!"

"Right, okay!" he smiles, watching as her _Cute little butt_ disappears towards the bar. _I know she's cute, but what the hell are you doin' Clay?_ He frowns to himself _You only just broke up with Ellen!. _His phone bleeps and he smiles as he checks the message from Sonny in reply to the text he sent him earlier.  
  


The evening passes and the drinks flow. Clay's laughing, thinking about how long it's been since he had this much fun with someone "So, who the hell taught you to play pool?" he looks up, staring at her as she beats him yet again

"Oh, I had three brothers, so I had to learn fast. It was that or put up with the incessant teasing about being a loser." She smiles "I guess I'm a bit of a tom boy at heart."

"Well, I have to say, you sure don't look like a tom boy." he smiles thinking to himself about how cute and shapely she is. His eyes drawn to her perfect sized breasts and big blue eyes _She's perfect!_

She takes a minute and sits down, leaning back in the chair relaxing. Putting her head back on the wall, she closes her eyes.

"You okay?" he frowns, concerned about her.

"Yeah! I think the drink has gone to my head, a bit." She nods, taking a deep breath" I haven't had a drink for a couple of weeks. I've been on antibiotics"  
She laughs, as he frowns "Oh it's nothing to worry about, just an infection in my toe. It's better now but being off the drink, I guess I'm feeling the effects more." She laughs again before checking the time on her watch "I better get a taxi. Um..I mean _a cab!_" she smiles

"Look, I'll come with you, okay?" he smiles helping her up "Wait with you, till one comes. Just to be sure you're alright."

"Okay, thanks." she smiles, staggering to her feet. He takes her hand helping her up "Still being the gentleman I see"  
  
"You know I could give you a ride? "

"You could? To where?"

"Wherever you wanna go?"

She hesitates before answering "Back to yours?" She smiles, biting her lip and staring him deep in the eyes.

"Um... " he nods "Yeah, yeah I guess we could go back to mine." He laughs awkwardly "I mean, if that's what you wanted to do?"

"Well, depends. Do you think that's a bit forward of me to ask?"

He brushes her hair back from her shoulder touching her cheek "um .. no! No, I quite like that idea" he smiles again "I like that you know what you want."

She continues flirting, biting her lip on the corner "Yeah I definitely know what I want!" She brushes her lips against his cheek as he looks her in the eyes. Then putting his hand to her face, stroking it gently, he holds her head. Stroking her hair he puts his lips on hers and kisses her. Softly at first, pulling back, making sure it's what she really wants.

"Mmmm!" she groans, wrapping her arm around his neck and pushing more firmly against him. She can feel the desire he has for her by the large, hard bulge in his pants "Guess you had better give me that ride then!"

"Yeah!" he pauses, looking at the spark of lust in her eyes and thinking how much he wants to be with her "Yeah, I guess I'd better!"  
  
He smiles, leaning forward, kissing her again. His head is in turmoil and he smiles _How did this happened so fast? And is this really a good idea? Oh shut up Clay. Just look at her are you really sayin' you don't want that? _

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

  
  
They arrive back at his apartment and he quickly grabs the clothes and books moving them off the couch "Sorry I haven't been here for a couple of days; I left in a hurry!"

She smiles looking around checking the apartment out, noticing how sparse his belongings are "Don't worry, it's fine!"

He opens up the refrigerator door, "You want another beer?"  
  


"Yeah sure, why not!" she nods. She takes a breath, following him into the kitchen area, leaning her butt against the countertop. Then teasingly gathering her hair on top of her head, tying it up with a band from around her wrist.  
  
He brings the beer over to her, trapping her body with his against the work surface. She watches him closely, as he puts his bottle down on the counter before taking hers from her hand and putting it next to his. He leans forward, kissing and pressing himself against her.  
  
She groans with pleasure as she runs her hand over his chest "So I guess with all these muscles, you must work with the construction guys on the new apartments they're building ?"

He smiles nervously, hesitating before he answers. The bar has been full of construction workers the past few weeks, all working on the new apartments blocks not far from the base.  
  
"um.. yeah!" he smiles, lying. For now it seems simpler to go with her guess than try to explain about what he really does.

"I guessed so. You've all been hitting on me since I got here this week" she smiles but then turns it to a concerned frown "You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm good!" he nods. He's fine but he feels a sudden twinge of guilt for lying to her.

She's concerned, like something is wrong "You know we don't have to do this, not if you don't want. We can just talk. I mean I realise, you just split with your girlfriend or...or I could leave. You know I'd understand." she smiles again to reassure him, running her hand along his arm. "C'mon, lets sit down a minute."

He nods and they sit themselves down on the couch. She's still sipping her beer but he again takes it from her hand. Then leaning his body over hers he pushes her back and starts to kiss her again. She lays back, looking him in the eyes, smiling as she starts to undo the buttons on the front of her shirt.  
  
As it falls open he pulls it, loosening it from where it's tucked into the waistband of her pants, running his hand over the white lace of her bra.  
  
"Mmmm!" she sighs as his hands touch her skin

  
He has his hand on her breast as she keeps watching him, the look of want that fills his eyes. He presses against her, putting his lips to hers, pushing her back against the couch pillows and she bends her knees as he positions his body between her legs. They're kissing more passionately. His tongue in her mouth, she can taste the beer he's been drinking.  
  
Now she's running her hands through his hair, down his neck and over his shoulders. The feel of his muscles against the touch of her hand is turning her on as she notices how strong he is, she can feel the toned physique of his body against hers.

He slides her shirt down her arms and she takes her hands out of the cuffs, while he pulls his white T-Shirt over his head, then throws both his shirt, and hers on the floor together.

"Mmmm" her eyes light up at the toned physique of his chest. She only imagined what it would look like and now she runs her fingers lightly over his taut skin.  
  
He runs his hand lightly over her stomach "God, you are gorgeous!"  
  
She smiles, a slight blush glows in her cheeks "I'll thank my yoga class for that compliment" She leans forward pulling at his neck as they kiss again.  
  
His hand works its way around her back, fiddling for a moment as he un-clips her bra. As it falls from her body and her breasts are exposed, he lets out a deep groan of pleasure. "Oh god!" he can feel the wanton need for her body, throbbing in his pants now.

She pushes her hips forward as he slides her jeans off, while she frantically pulls at this belt buckle and then he stands up with an urgent rush to his actions as he drops his own pants to the floor. She slides her bra over her and arms and takes it off as he takes her hand helping her up from where she's laid on the couch.

Running his hands gently and softly over her naked torso, he smiles looking at her. She closes her eyes, enjoying even more the touches of his hand on her body. "C'mon" He smiles as he leads her through to the darkness of the bedroom, then he lays her down on the bed.

She can see him in the dim light from the doorway, letting out a soft muffled groan as he slides her panties down before laying his naked body over hers, working his kisses over her. Then finding his way back up to her lips it's obvious that they are both desperately craving each other as they push their naked bodies closer together.  
  
Then Clay falters and stops. She frowns. She can hear him sifting around in the side table drawer. "Shit!" he groans with annoyance as he continues searching the drawer  
  
"What?" she frowns sitting herself up on the bed, leaning on her elbows trying to see in the darkness what he's doing "Clay, c'mon what the hell are you doing. Please don't stop!"  
  
"I um..... I haven't got any, you know...protection!" he sighs

"Oh! Um...." She sighs as well "Yeah um... of course. Sorry, I...I hadn't thought!"  
  
She reaches her hand out to him pulling him back to the bed and now there's a nagging awkwardness between them. Her laying there wanting him, him sitting running his hand on her thigh trying to calm himself. "Look, Clay, I um.... I mean, I'm on the pill you know, if that's what you're worried? I mean I have birth control sorted." She feels exposed and embarrassed now unsure what to do

"You sure?" he frowns leaning his face against her, brushing her hair back. " I mean can go out and get something, if you um....wanna be sure"

She can feel his nakedness pressing against her, and she smiles running her hand in his hair. Her own lust is at a peak now as he brushes against her breasts  
"I kinda think it'll ruin the moment, don' t you?" She laughs "Come here!" she kisses him again "I think we'll be fine!"

"Yeah I mean if you're not sure I can. I'm usually so careful."

"I know, me too!" She kisses him again the excitement inside won't hold, especially if he leaves right now. She wants him, and him her "So,what are you waiting for then? Are you going to have sex with me or not?"

He's slightly taken aback by her forwardness, but he really, really wants this "I kinda wanted to make sure, that _you_ want this?"

"Oh... I _want_ this!" She looks at him. Even in the darkness she can see the glint of excitement in his eyes and as he presses in deep against her body, she bends her knees for him to take her. She lets out a really deep breath. "Oh god! Mmmm " she groans, closing her eyes, enjoying the pleasure as he pumps his strength against her body.  
  
He's so strong but it's nice and she holds her hips towards him, arching her back "Oh!!! Clayyy.I'm... I'm gonna... oh god!!" She can't hold it and cries out as her body tenses. Her heart is beating so fast and a fine layer of sweat sends a shiver of cool over her body as the final rush of excitement ebbs from her muscles.  
  
He can feel her tension release and he gives one final thrust, which causes is body to explode inside her. "Oh god!!!"  
  
He has a wide contented smile on his face. His chest is heaving and the adrenaline pumping  
  
"Kelsey, you are amazing!" He kisses her, running his fingers softly down her arms. Then he puts his lips on hers giving her another, thank you, kiss. Then they both relax, a chilled, sweaty heap of nakedness. Her wrapped by his strong arms, which are holding her tight to his chest. And laying like this, together, bodies next to each other that they both finally fall asleep.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

The morning light wakes them, and she looks around, her head aching "Hmmm!" she sighs "What time is it?"

He checks his watch "Six am!"

"Oh god!" she opens her eyes looking across at him, Then laying back into the soft of the pillow she takes a moment to wake up properly.  
  
He kisses her forehead pulling her body up on top of his chest and she smiles, watching him. Kissing him back. "Good Morning!"

"Good Morning! " he smiles "You want a coffee?"

"Mmmm, maybe, in a bit!" she kisses him again, her hand resting on his cheek.  
  
He wraps his arms around her back, stroking down her spine gently. "You know, last night was great! " he sighs watching the look in her eyes "I was thinking maybe... maybe we can um... we could do it again. I mean can I see you again? Only if you want to of course"

She bites her lip staring at him. His blue eyes locked on hers "Yeah, yeah, I'd like that. I mean I'd like to do this again" she smiles

"This? Do you mean ...." he puts his hand down between her legs " ... this!"

Oh!" she gasps as he touches her "Yeah, yeah that!" She laughs leaning forward kissing him, as he continues to rub between her thighs.

"Well, there's nothing actually stopping us from doing_ that, _right now!"  
  
"No, no you're right there isn't!" She leans forward, her long dark hair covers his face and as she puts her tongue in his mouth. She can feel him stiffen, turned on by her peaked nipples rubbing against his chest.  
  
"Mmmm" She sits herself up, straddling her legs across his hips, lowering herself over him. She gathers her hair, bunching it together and raising her hands as she piles it on top of her head. Then she rocks her hips forward against him as he runs his hands over her chest and body. She smiles watching him, following his hand over her body.  
  
"Kelsey, you are gorgeous!"

She smiles, but as she looks up she freezes and her smile drops her attention distracted by the flag on his wall "What the hell is that?" she frowns, noticing it for the first time. She didn't see it in the darkness of last night but now her arms drop and she sits where she is staring.

"Oh it's um.... it's a flag!" Clay looks confused, watching the look on her face  
  


She moves, untangling herself from his body as she continues to look at it, then back at him, frowning " No, I know it's a flag! I mean what is that...the insignia?"

"Um.." he coughs, hesitating.  
  
  
"Clay?" She looks him in the eyes as she frowns at him, worried " Oh no! No, please don't tell me you're in the Navy?"

"Um look I um.. I um wanted to tell you but um... yeah I am. Well kind of. Look, it's not what you think" He can see her concern and feels awkward for leaving her with the impression that he was in construction "You know I'm sorry, I was gonna say last night but .. well things they got out of control and I didn't really think it was that important!" He smiles, running his hand over her chest "Hey, c'mon it doesn't matter does it?"

"Doesn't matter?" she sighs "Oh my god! I can't believe this." She rubs her head in frustration, leaning forward resting her head in her hand.  
  
He can't help but notice her breasts, placing his finger on her skin, running small patterns round them "Kelsey, what's wrong? I mean, it's not that bad is it? I mean the Navy. You know a lot of girls kinda like the whole Navy thing that I have going on"  
  
He laughs trying to brush off her concerns but inside he feels bad for lying and his smile drops as she looks up at him with a kind of sadness in her face "Yeah well for most girls it doesn't matter, because they're not ...they're not, in the Navy as well" she sighs "Shit! How the hell could this happen" she shakes her head looking distraught

"What?!" Clay sits up looking at her "What did you say? You're in the Navy? But... but, how? I mean your accent" he frowns

She lets out a long-frustrated sigh as the enormity of what's happened hits her "The _Royal_... Navy! The HMS Charles, the carrier that's in dock!" she frowns at him "We're here on a nine-month joint training initiative. You must have heard about it?"

"Um..." he looks confused and bewildered "Yeah! I mean um... a little. Yeah I mean, of course I've seen the strike group. Who hasn't"  
He laughs trying to break the tension "Oh shit!" he sighs , running his hand through his hair, now also realising what this means "So how does this work, I mean the same rules? I ... I'm not sure"

"Oh god!" She shrugs "I don't know! I guess. I mean relationships, they can't happen, right?" she leans forward almost in tears rubbing her head

"Hey c'mon!" he wraps his arms around her body pulling her close. She resists as he kisses her "Look, no one knows. I mean no one knows you're here. So relax okay, no one has to find out."

" Yeah!" she nods releasing her tension "You're right. I guess I'm blowing this out of proportion. We just draw a line under it. No one needs to know, right?" she frowns "We call it a day This can't happen again"  
  
She sighs, smiling at him as she runs her fingers on his chest. She can't resist and kisses him. As she leans forward her breasts fall against this chest. The feeling of her softness against his skin turns him on  
  
"Yeah but, you know we could... well I mean, we're here now, so...we could." he smiles

"Yeah, yeah suppose we are" she cheekily smiles back "I mean, it would be a waste to .. you know, not use the opportunity, I mean if this is the last time it can happen!"

He kisses her, pulling her body back over his waist. Her legs straddle either side of him and he holds her face kissing her lips. She looks up at the flag again " So um... what do you do?" she frowns. "That's a pretty hardcore insignia!"

"Um...." He feels awkward now, hoping that what he's about to say won't scare her off again "DEVGRU. I'm um...."

"A SEAL ??" she frowns

He nods "Yeah, yeah a SEAL, Bravo team, the insignia!"

She laughs taking a deep breath "DEVGRU ..seriously? You' re a..." she sits back looking at him "Oh my god .. " she laughs nervously "Oh my god! A bloody Seal! What the hell am I doing?"

"Yeah!" he laughs too "That's what I do."

"Okay!" she smiles, leaning forward pressing her lips against his "Well, that's kinda cool, I guess. It's not really what I had in my head last night, but...."  
She watches him, running her fingers on his arm. She looks at the scar, she noticed on his leg "So you're pretty tough right?"

"I guess!" He nods as he picks her up, showing his strength he flips her over on to her back. Then leaning forward he brushes her hair off her face, looking her deep in the eyes before dropping a kiss on her lips. His tongue tastes her mouth as they lock lips and he stares at her, their eyes watching each other  
"So what do you do?"

"Nothing so cool!" she smiles "I'm a... Senior Radar tech. Though... I do get to work on the bridge of the Carrier"

He smiles looking at her, this whole thing makes her seem even more sexy now "Wow! You know that's actually pretty cool. You must be good at your job, to make the bridge."

She smiles, stroking his hair "Oh I am very good at what I do." She bites her lip, that way she does, flirting with him "I always give one hundred percent with everything."

"Oh, I know that .. last night was definitely, _one hundred percent_ "

She laughs as he runs his hand down her naked body. She takes a deep breath, pulling him forward to kiss "So we gonna make the most of this. If, it is going to be the last time?"

"I'll give it my best shot" he smiles kissing her, working his way down her neck he trails his lips down over her breasts.

"Oh god!" she gasps as he kisses her nipples, making them peak. She can feel his hardness and rush of excitement comes over her and she forgets all the worries about their jobs. Placing her hand between her legs, she takes him inside. She smiles as she feels him fill her with pleasure.

o**-o-o-o-o-o-o**  
  
  
They both relax as they cuddle together. His arm wrapped around her. She's staring at the ceiling lost in her thoughts. "Damn!" she sighs "Why did this have to be like this!" she now realises how much she actually likes him.

He runs his fingers gently down her arm "Hey, c'mon, we'll sort something. Maybe it doesn't have to be a problem, we can find a way, if you want to?"

"C'mon Clay, we both know it's going to be a problem. And we know _this_ can't happen again." she kisses his hand as he rests it on her shoulder.  
  


"Let's not be hasty, let's look into it " he turns her head, tilting it so she's looking at him "Kelsey, I can't help it, but I really wanna see you again."

She smiles awkwardly and sighs "I know, it's not like I wouldn't... but... " she frowns "Clay, we can't. We could both lose our jobs."

He sighs "Yes we can." he kisses her "We just won't tell anyone. We'll be careful"

She nods. She wants to hope it would be alright, but it worries her. But for now, she pulls his arm round her and snuggles against his chest "We'll see."


	2. You're not Clay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING *** NSFW content 18+ M/F sexual relationship  
As always DON'T Read if that's not your thing

_ _

_Mmmm!_ Kelsey groans, she opens her eyes trying to get her bearings.  
  
Sitting up in the large empty bed she pulls the white cotton sheet up to her chest, covering her nakedness, raking her hands through her long matted hair, pulling it back from her face. "Clay?!" she listens. _Hmmm! S_he frowns at the continued silence, again pulling her hair back.

"Hey!" Putting his head around the doorway, Clay smiles

"Oh! Hey." she smiles, looking him up and down. He's dressed only in a tight white Tee and his boxer shorts but he has the most gorgeous beaming smile on his face.

"You want coffee? I've just put a fresh pot on."

"Um...yeah, yeah that would be great. Hey, did I fall asleep again?" She frowns "What time is it?"

"Around ten"

"Ten!? Why the hell didn't you wake me up."

"Because" he smiles "you looked so peaceful laying there and you looked like you needed the sleep."

_Mmmm!_ She sighs "I guess I've still not adjusted to the time zone yet"

He crawls on the bed, brushing her hair back from her shoulder, kissing her skin "Or it might be all the vodka you drank last night?"

"Yeah. Yeah, you might have a point there. I did drink quite a bit" She laughs. Closing her eyes her cheeks blush "You know I um... I don't really do this" she sighs "The whole one night stand thing. I mean, normally I... well I didn't want you to think it's something I do!"  
  
She sighs again, looking around the room, pulling away from his advances as he continues rubbing his hand down her arm "Look, I need a shower, and then I guess I need to go!"  
  
She lets out another long sigh. Standing up, she stretches her arms one at a time, as she clings to the sheet covering her body.  
  
Clay lays on the bed admiring the view of her butt, and as she turns around and smiles at him, she's well aware of what he's looking at. He hops off the bed, putting his hands on her shoulders while she watches out of the window, looking into the street below.  
  
"Tell you what, you have a shower, and I'll go out, get us some breakfast."he kisses her "There's a great new bagel store, just down the road. I've been dying to try it out. Are you hungry?"

She leans her cheek against the touch of his hand on her shoulder _Mmmm!_ she groans, as he massages the crease of her neck "Yeah! Yeah that sounds good."  
  
She scans around the room for her clothes, which are scattered on the floor. She's thinking about picking them up, but she doesn't. She sighs again "Guess I'm making the walk of shame this morning. I don't even have any clean underwear. I knew there was a reason I don't do this" She laughs, turning back to look out of the window and the sound of sirens rushing past.

Clay kisses her neck gently "You know..." he sighs "I could get breakfast in a while, I could stay and wash your back, in the shower. If you'd rather?"

"That one of you seal skills, is it?" she smiles "Back washing."

He laughs turning her around "You know, actually, I'm a sniper." he smiles, pulling the sheet from her grip so that she's standing there naked. Then he drops his hand down, pulling it around her waist, trailing it round the curve of her butt then lower between her legs, to her clit. "Precision, that's more my thing. You know...." he circles her clit with his fingers making her gasp "I'm more about hitting the right target"

_Ahhh!_ she groans as he flicks at her swollen bud "Oh! Oh yeah... see now you say that, I can see how you would be good at that!" He smiles again, dropping his hand further, dipping his fingers into her warmth " I mean.... I can, definitely, see, how being a sniper, you would be good at finding a target"  
  
Her mouth is finding his, craving him now as she wraps her arms around his neck, he circles her waist running his fingers down her back, while her tongue continues to taste him "But not being funny, I thought you were a frogman?"

"I am" He smiles "I'm that as well" he kisses her again

"So, um... being in the water" she takes long teasing breath "that's where your skills really shine?"

"Oh yeah!" he smiles "In the water, that's where I'm at my best."

Hmmm! She bites her lip, her eyes flirting with him "I guess then, you better show me, you know, just...just so I know, how good you really are at finding a target in the wet"

He smiles, backing her up towards the bathroom, his mouth still locked on hers, their tongues dipping between each other's lips.  
  


Just inside the bathroom doorway he pins her against the wall, reaching to turn on the shower water, while quickly pulling his T-Shirt over his head. She grapples inside his shorts with his rising hardness. _Mmmm!_ he groans as she strokes her hand down the length of it.  
  
She smiles watching the pleasure in his face as she massages him. "You know, I have my own set of skills too"

He strokes her hair, looking her in the eyes "You do?"

"Mm hmm! You want me to show you?"

He smiles "Oh you bet!"  
  


Her smile beams, as she trails her tongue down his neck, stopping first, at his taut chest muscles, her tongue circling around his nipple. Looking up at him, he leans back closing his eyes, feelings of lust surging through his body and his groin groaning hard at every touch she makes.  
  
_Mmmm!_ he groans again, anticipating what's about to happen, as she sinks to her knees.  
  
Her kisses sliding over his navel until she reaches the line just before his shorts, then pulling the elasticated waistband with a firm tug, hoisting them down his legs, until he can easily step out of them.  
  
_Mmmm!_ His moans can be heard over the sound of the running water and his hands are frantically groping at her breasts, tugging on her nipples. He lets out a long sigh of satisfaction as the warmth of her mouth envelops his hard, stiffness.  
  
"_Oh fuck!_" he moans, as her tongue runs along his shaft. It bulges and pulses in her mouth with each flick of her tongue, it causes him ultimate pleasure and she circles the head of his dick before making long slow licks of his length. Repeating the movement over and over.

"FUCK!" He cries out, sucking air through his teeth, trying to control himself. He looks down at her head bobbing rhythmically between his legs. He leans against the wall, using it for support as he steadies himself. Fisting his hands in her hair, grabbing at it, moving her head to a pace that suits his orgasm. Forcing her back and forward along his length. "Mmmm....that's so good!"  
  
She gags, a little, as he fucks the back of her throat, until she's able to re-establish some control over what she's doing. Then she takes him deep, all the way, filling her mouth right to his swollen ball sack  
  
_Mmmm!_ "Oh... Kelsey, don't stop!" he continues to groan, but now it's much more loudly. Keeping his eyes closed, head back, the feeling is like electricity, sparking through his groin. His pre cum mixes with her saliva and dribbles down her chin, as she keeps up the fast rocking pattern until she can feel him twitching and tensing  
  
"Oh god, I'm so close!" _Mmmm! "Ohhh_....hell!" he sighs, breathless, shaking his head, trying to hold on "I'm gonna cum!"  
  
He warns her, unsure if she will swallow it or not, it's a good job she will because he doesn't have a chance to pull out, before he explodes and his thick white cream spills out. "Oh god!!" He cries out.  
  
She licks her tongue down his shaft lapping up the last of his milk, before sitting back on her heels, smiling at him, satisfied by the effect that she's had. He looks at her, his hand on her cheek, a massive grin on his face, as his body slowly calms down  
  
"You're right." he smiles " You, _definitely_, have a good skill set"

She bites her lip, watching him. Her eyes locked on his, as he helps her up. Kissing her, he can still taste himself on her mouth and he fondles at her breast. Plucking at her nipple making her squeal  
  
"Now it's my turn to show off" he smiles, pushing her backwards into the shower and under the warm running water.

She stands under it, allowing the warmth to run over her hair and down her back. It feels good, cleaning off the sticky, sweaty sex of last night. He kisses her, trailing his lips down her chest and over her breasts, sucking hard on each nipple alternating back and forward between the two.  
  
"_Ahhh fuck!_" She squeals again as he nips with his teeth, biting gently on each of them.  
  
He laughs, watching the aching pleasure she's getting, as he kneads his hands on her soft mounds. His hand raking down her body, as she leans back against the wall of the shower. Placing his shoulder under her knee supporting it to get a better angle at her wet slit as he drops down on his knees, the hot water running down his back.

_Mmmm! _she groans again, pushing against the glass with her hand, as the tip of his tongue flicks rapidly against her swollen clit. _Aahhhhh! _She continues to gasp_ Mmmm! _Again and again, as he continues lapping in small circular movements around the entrance of her wet pussy.  
  
She's starting build a wall of orgasmic feelings deep inside, like a fire in the pit of her stomach, one he intends to ignite as he keeps his mouth, lapping, between her legs.  
  
She puts her hand on her breasts pulling and tugging at them, as he lifts her leg higher to enable him to dip his tongue between her folds.  
  
_Ahhh! _She gasps, her breath gets faster, panting so much. Her orgasm building. She has her eyes closed and he continues to flick his tongue fast, taking just a brief moment to sit back and watch her face as she loses herself in the throes of pre-orgasm  
  
"Oh..... fuck!!!!" she groans

He smiles, massaging his fingers down there, inserting two inside while she continues to groan and buck against the thrusting of his hand. His thumb still circles her clit and she arcs her back, leaned against the wall.  
  
"Oh Clay!!!...Oh G....odd!!" She grabs at his hair, pulling his mouth hard against her swollen clit, thrusting her hips against his face, the feeling of his beard on her most sensitive parts just adding to the whole thing, creating an intense wave of orgasm that finally crashes over her body.  
  
"FUCK!!" She cries out panting breathlessly. She can only gasp and moan now, the temperature of her body rises, and her nipples feel like they're on fire   
  
"oh YES!!!!" She screams out, unable to contain the rippling waves of muscles spasms, she pulls at his hair. He can feel how tense her body is, the shake in her thighs, and he continues his fingers on her bud, circling faster, not letting her come down from wave after wave of shuddering orgasm.  
  
She's grasping and gasping, trying to keep her balance as the water pours down her body.  
_Ahhh! _She gives one final breathless pant and then she relaxes, exhausted.  
  
Her muscles release and she slows her breath, her chest pounding deep and hard trying to catch some air "Oh hell!" she laughs. Pulling him into a standing position in front of her. A big broad grin on his face, pleased with what he made her do, she kisses him "Oh Clay... that was great!"  
  
As they stand under the warm water of the shower, her body in a super sensitive now, tingling to every touch he makes.She smiles, blushing and averting her gaze. Slightly embarrassed about letting herself go, so wantonly "You're right. Your skills are _much _better in the water!"

He laughs, kissing her neck. He then takes the dark blue bottle of body wash, off the shelf, looking at it apologetically "Sorry ,it's a bit um.... manly, you know. Since Stella moved out; I don't have much girl stuff"

She sighs, the name of another girl, it makes her feel slightly uncomfortable, a feeling that catches her off guard and she laughs awkwardly "It's fine. So, I'll smell of you, that's not a such a big deal"  
She bites her lip as she studies his face. This seemingly caring, sensitive, but so strong and powerful guy, stood naked in the shower in front of her. She sighs, kissing him again, as he pours the soap into his hand, then lathers it over her body. Starting with her back, then working all around her body with his soapy hands.  
  
She mixes the suds onto her well-manicured hand and coats it slowly and firmly down his arms, over his biceps. Her fingers feeling the shape and tone of every muscle on his chest  
_Mmmm!_ She groans "You must work out so much" she sighs, showing her appreciation for the shape he's in, as she continues to massage his skin.

He smiles, slightly uncomfortable but at the same time complimented by her praise. Then smoothing his hand, gently, over her toned stomach, he turns her around.  
  
She frowns wondering what he's doing, as she stands with her back to him under the water. He takes the shampoo, washing her hair, pulling the suds through her long dark tresses  
  
"Put your head back"  
  
She smiles doing as he says. He rinses it with the shower head, shielding her eyes from the soap. She smiles again about how sensitive he is. How he can go from the rough, power driven sex that they had last night to this caring, delicate soul.

She sighs, enjoying the feeling so much. She's never had a pair of big strong hands like his wash her hair before. He pulls the water through her hair, leaning her head back as he rinses the last of the soap out, before she wraps her arms around his neck. Kissing at it, making small bites.  
He smiles as she sucks it harder "Hey, don't mark my neck" he laughs

"oooo precious are we?!" She laughs, looking him deep in the eyes

"No.... I'm just telling you not to do it." he laughs, then grabbing her, holding her arms, he bites her back  
  
"Awww! That hurt." she laughs before pulling on his neck, kissing him again.  
  
He wipes the wet from her forehead, staring her in the eyes as she runs her hands over his biceps so comfortable in each other's embrace  
  
"You know, I wish we could just stay like this" He frowns "Like we didn't have to explain ourselves, to anyone. And just us....." He sighs "I mean I know we only just met, but I wanna see you again, so much."

She nervously smiles, it doesn't matter how much she wants that too. To be held in his strong arms, and made love to again, she's a realist "Clay, you know we can't"  
  
There is probably no way for them to be able to see each other again, so avoiding the awkwardness of the conversation, she changes the subject "C'mon" she sighs wistfully turning the water off "We need to get dressed. And you need to go get me the breakfast you promised. You've made me hungry now"

He watches her, thinking how much he loves listening to her talk, her accent sends a shiver of excitement through his body. He kisses her again. "Yes Ma'am!"

She steps out of the bathroom wrapped in a small towel using another to rub the water from her hair.  
Clay's already dressed in his combats and Tee, picking up his wallet from the counter "I won't be long. Make some more coffee" He kisses her, then heads out of the door

"Clay!!....You forgot your key!" she calls after him, but it's too late. She sighs as she looks at the door key lying on the countertop "Oh well, guess it doesn't matter I'm here."  
  
She heads to the kitchen area to refill the coffee pot, smiling to herself. Sighing as she realises she's unable to stop thinking about last night, and about being with Clay .

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**

About twenty minutes later

She's laid on the couch, dressed only in one of Clay's Tee shirts. It's a largish one and fits more like a short dress, but she's naked underneath it, due to a lack of clean underwear. She'll deal with that when she has to leave.

There's a quiet knock on the apartment door. She gets up smiling "See I told you forgot your key. I hope you got me something good to eat because I'm bloody starving now"  
  
Her smile drops and she stands there open mouthed "Oh!.... Um..." she stutters at the large bearded guy standing there "You're not Clay!" she frowns

Sonny smiles at her. "You know you could be right there" he laughs, looking her up and down, a broad grin breaks out across his face "But hullo... " he's still smiling as his eyes get to the bottom of Clay's tee, and he looks at her legs realising _Big probability she's got nothing on under that Tee shirt_. " I'm guessing Clay's not here?"

"Um.. " she gulps, conscious of her nakedness. She never thought to cover up because she wasn't expecting it not to be Clay. She tugs a the bottom of the tee, trying to not display all of her wares "Um.. no. No, he umm...." She stutters "he went to get us some breakfast"

"Breakfast?" Sonny smiles as he looks at his watch. He frowns, then pushes past her into the apartment

"Come in why don't you" she sighs

"I brought him lunch!" he laughs "I um... I thought he might need it, after last night"

"After last night?" she frowns "Did he.... did he tell you about us? About last night." she gulps nervously, watching as Sonny sits himself on the couch, opening the bagels he brought, shoving them into his mouth.  
  
"You got any coffee on the go ?"

"Umm.. " she frowns again, unsure what to do. _This is awkward_ "Yeah! Um ... sorry, who are you?"

"Oh! Yeah sorry, didn't introduce myself" he wipes his hands on his jeans and reaches out "I'm Sonny. I work with Clay"

"Okay! um...look I think I should go get dressed"

He gets up, heading to the kitchen, pouring himself a coffee. Still looking her up and down "You know you don't have to on my account. I quite like the view" he smiles, making her cringe.

She goes to close the door and as she does a hand stops her "So,hey ...." Clay smiles "I got you gifts."

"Um.. Clay...."

He smiles as he holds up a plastic hanger that have a small pair of lace panties hanging from it  
"I also got .....a toothbrush and um... " he pulls out a bottle from the bag "..some girly shower gel. Strawberry. You know.... in case you feel like staying over again?" He frowns noticing the blank stare on her face "You okay?"

"Um... yeah! Clay, that's all very good but.... you've got a visitor"

"What ?" Clay frowns "A visitor? Who?"

She frowns as she turns and indicates to the kitchen.  
  
"SONNY!" he sighs _Shit! _"Sonny, what the hell are you doing here?" Clay quickly hides the panties back in the bag. It makes Kelsey smile as she thinks how cute it is that he was so thoughtful.But right now they have bigger problems. Like being found out.

"Heyyyy, Clay!... I brought you some lunch. Bagels from that new store that you were going on about the other day."

"Why? Why the hell are you here, at this time?"

"Hey, I came to pick you up, like you asked. Don't get funny with me buddy, how the hell was I supposed to know you'd cured your heartbreak with Elsa, so damn quick"

"Ellen! Her name was Ellen! I told you that a thousand times." Clay's angry that Sonny's here, disturbing the plans that he had "You need to go!"

"Woah!" Sonny frowns "Seems like Elsa the ice queen, rubbed off on you too much. What's your problem?"

"You! You're the problem. Being here like this when .. when I didn't ask you"

Kelsey can feel the tension "Look, I'll let you have your little domestic. I'll just get dressed, then go. Clay, it's not a problem. I mean we were done here, right"

"No! No, you stay! He's the one going"

"Oh yeah!" Sonny frowns "You gonna make me? C'mon Clay, chill out, you were the one texting me last evening, tellin' me Elsa dumped your ass. And what should you do. How the hell was I supposed to know that you weren't sitting here sobbing into a liquid breakfast? I mean, I know how hung up you get on these women. Sorry no offense meant, ma'am"

Kelsey smiles "None taken. Look, I'm gonna get dressed, let you two talk this out."

Sonny sits down to finish his bagel, stuffing it into his mouth. The contents spilling out. Kelsey heads the bedroom and Sonny's eyes follow her  
  
"Phewwweeee, Clay! Jeez.. " he smiles "she sure is one little hot Brit Chick, where the hell did you find her so quickly? She aint got a friend has she?"

"Sonny, you need to go. You can't be here. Not while she's here"

"Woah, what the hell is your problem. What, I caught you at it? Oh, so what. You'd have only told me about it later anyways" Sonny frowns, sighing "Stop looking at me like that, you putting me off my food!"

"No, no I wouldn't. I wouldn't have been telling you anything. Now you need to leave"

"Okay! Okay" Sonny gets up, folding his food into the paper "What the hell's going on with you Clay?"

"Nothing!" Clay looks awkward "Sorry. I just ... look, I didn't know you were coming, and .. .and it just feels awkward" he takes a breath "Look..." he sighs "just finish your food, while I put this stuff away"

"You all right? I mean you seem to be getting pretty steamed up over this woman" he frowns watching him "ooooh! What? You like her? And you think it's a bit quick, you know, having one after the other one, which to be fair, was also quick!" he laughs " I mean, after Stella .. rebound syndrome!"

"What??" Clay laughs, shaking his head at Sonny's nonsense statement " Sonny, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Moving, from one girl, you like a lot, to another one. I call it rebound syndrome"

"Shut the hell up Sonny, and eat your food." Clay laughs as he heads to the bedroom to check on Kelsey

"For what it's worth..." Sonny calls out ".. I like this one. And anyone's gotta be better than Elsa!"

"ELLEN! For god sake how many times Sonny!" Clay frowns annoyed

"No, no she was Elsa" Sonny mumbles under his breath "She was a damn ice queen for sure!" Sonny laughs as he continues to eat his food.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Hey!" Clay smiles, quietly watching Kelsey from the doorway as she puts on her bra, before pulling her Tee shirt over her head.

"Hey." She looks up, as he wraps his arm around her, pulling her body close to his "I'm sorry about Sonny I ... I didn't know he was comin "

She frowns "Did you tell him about us? About last night. Did you text him, to tell him you were gonna sleep with me?"

"No! No, well... no, not about us." he sighs "It was before. I text and said Ellen had split with me, and what should I do."

"And what did he say?"

Clay hesitates and laughs "He umm.... he said I should forget her, and um....get back in bed with the first woman who smiles at me. Sonny didn't like her much"

"Right!" she sighs with annoyance "And that was me?"

"NO! Oh god no! No, that was that was coincidence. really I would never do that. Kelsey...please!"

She sighs "But you did. You did just get back in bed with the first woman who smiled at you"

"Well kind of .. yeah! But, only because I liked you." He smiles "Hey..." he strokes her shoulders, throwing the bag in his hand on the bed, turning her around to face him, stroking her face  
"Please. Please don't think I slept with you because of what Sonny said, because that's not true. I like you, I liked you a lot"

She looks him in the eyes thinking "You know Clay," she sighs "this, it really can't work. You know why. And now..." she sighs again "now, someone knows about us. And that puts us at more risk . We can't do this Clay, it's wrong."

"No! No, please don't say that. Kelsey, we'll find a way, I promise, we can make this work"  
He nervously checks the doorway and hushes his voice "Look, please, we'll find a way alright but I wanna see you again." he begs now "Please Kelsey, please give me a chance"

She shakes her head "I have to get dressed"  
  
He grabs at the bag on the bed, taking the panties out, he holds them in front of her smiling  
"I had to um.. ..guess the size"  
  
She laughs and she can't help but drop her defensive tone. She nods, smiling as she looks at the black lace hanging in front of her "You did alright. With the size I mean, but..." she laughs again, taking hold of them in her hand.

"But?" He frowns "What's wrong with them ?"

"Um..... " she sighs "they're not exactly practical, every day knickers, are they? They're um...." she checks the doorway "they're more like, what a man would buy his girlfriend,"

"Oh! oh, right yeah! Well I kinda just grabbed the first pair on the rail. I mean, buying women's panties, it's not really something I do." he smiles "Really, I'm more into you taking them off"  
She smiles kissing him and she can feel the sudden rise of hardness in his groin. He rubs it against her "I mean .. you're not wearing any right now, so we could ... "  
  
They freeze where they are as Sonny coughs in the doorway "Just to you remind you two, that you know I'm still here, right? Before you get carried away"

Kelsey laughs feeling embarrassed, pulling her T shirt down. Sonny smiles at her "Look, I really need to go Clay. Give my breakfast to Sonny, he looks like he needs it"

**o-o-o-o-o-o--o-**

Kelsey is gone and Clay and Sonny are in the truck heading to base, their phones having bleeped earlier. They're getting spun up.

"So, you gonna tell me where they hell you found her?" Sonny smiles, looking at the road ahead, giving only the odd glance to Clay 

"Will you shut up about her Sonny" Clay's lost in his thoughts. Thinking about her, trying to work out a way to be able to see her again

"Hey!" Sonny frowns "What's eatin' you ? Clay, what's wrong buddy? You still got the hots for her? What you didn't work it out your system yet""

"Oh, I don't know!" Clay sighs

"C'mon Clay. Just enjoy it for what it was. A one night bunk up" he smiles "Though... I gotta admit, she is pretty damn hot.And that accent... whoa! Yes ma'am! " he smiles "What did you say, she's a yoga teacher?" he coughs "Bet she's pretty damn flexible too." he laughs. "Look, if it's bothering you that much, then call her, see her again. What the hell does it matter. No one said it had to be one night. I know, call her, bring her for drinks when we get back from the spin up"

"Just drive Sonny!" Clay sighs as he texts Kelsey "Sorry, I'm getting spun up. Will be out of contact for a few days but I wanted you to know I really enjoyed last night. PLEASE let's do it again when I get back. Don't make this the end. X"


	3. A video call

  
  


_Clay ... _

Kelsey sighs as she starts the text.

_Thought you might be back - Guess not? Hope you're safe. Enjoyed the last couple of days before you left <3 Leaving now for 2 weeks. PR - East coast tour. Charles is taking part. (keep your eyes for us on the News ch) :) Hoping for a catch-up before I left but ... anyway text me when you back._

_I'll call if I get the opportunity. K x._

Her face drops as she feels the ship sway. She knows that movement and the booming sounds and banging mean they're about to leave port. She looks up at the guy now standing in front of her, " What is it?"

"Ma'am, you're wanted on the bridge."

"Sure. I'm now coming now " She sighs loudly, straightening her uniform as she switches her phone off.

~ # ~

_This is Kelsey. I can't take your call right now. Leave a message. I'll get back to you... _   
  


"Kelsey... it's me, Clay - again. I thought you'd be back by now. Hope you're not ghosting me? Call me." Clay sighs. "Okay well ...I'll try later, if not tomorrow. Bye... ,"

~ # # ~

"Hey!" she smiles as he finally answers her call.

"Hey... I've been calling you." Clay smiles, groaning as he rubs his hand over his face - waking up. "Can you talk?

"Yeah - for a bit. My bunk-mate's gone to get some food."

"Where are you?" "I can't say but um, we're heading back to Virginia Beach - soon."

"You are?... I mean you are, that's great! You know I've um. I've missed you."

"Really?" She smiles "Look Clay, we need to talk when I get back. About this - what's going on between us."

"Hey, don't go there, alright - not now. Lets enjoy this moment. Put it on video call, I wanna see you"

She sighs, feeling apprehensive. She knows encouraging him is not good for either of them but she can't stop how she feels. "Okay, hold on."

His smiles beams as her face appears on the screen of his phone.

"Hey there... wow! You look great."

"You too. It's so nice to see you. So, what are you doing?"

"Oh, you know, got spun up, killed a few bad guys. And now - I'm laying in my bed tryin' to sleep, until someone decided that two am was a great time to call and wake me up!"

"Yeah well..." she laughs "some of us are still working, so think on. Look, I have to go soon, I just... I don't know ... I just wanted to talk to you. This thing between us, I know it's wrong but I can't help, I wanted to talk to you."

"It's fine and I'm glad you called. So, are you _thinking _of me, like right now?"

"No." she laughs "I'm not thinking of you, well not like _that _anyway. I told you, I have work to do. But..." she sighs, biting her lip, "I might think of you later - when I go to bed."

"Okay..." he sighs "well I'll be thinking of you, before I go to sleep too." 

She blushes, "You do that. Just don't enjoy it too much. I don't want you not needing me for real when I get back."

"I thought you were ghosting me? ," he smiles "But as for needing the real deal, don't worry, I'll definitely _need _the real thing when you get back."

"Clay... sorry, I have to go. But I'll see you in a few days. I mean if you want?"

"I want - I want it a lot." he smiles "Hey before you go, you gonna give a guy a hand, you know to_ sleep_ better? "  
  


"A hand?" she laughs " How? I'm here and you're there. How am I going to_ help _you?"

"Oh... I don't know. Like maybe send me a picture?" He gives her one of his dirty-cute smiles.

"A picture? Hmm... well, I'll see. I need to go now. Clay.. ," she takes a breath, "I've missed you."

"Yeah, I've missed you too. Now send me a god damn picture!"

"Just go to sleep..." she smiles " Good night Clay." She cuts off the call and then sat on the edge of her bunk, phone in her hand she contemplates what he just asked. Then with a wicked grin she deviously puts her phone under her shirt - clicking, a photo of her breast. _Such a stupid idea, Kelsey! _ She smiles - sending it to Clay.

  
  


~ # # ~  
  


"Oh, God damn..." Clay runs his hand through his hair "Shit!"

He cuts off the call as the phone again goes to voicemail. Sighing loudly as he throws his cell phone down, with a thud, onto his bag.

"Hey Goldilocks, what the hell's up with you? Your Brit-Chick dump you or somethin'? Only I mean you was callin' her - I don't know how many times."

"Shut the hell up Sonny!" Clay snaps. Pulling his shirt over his head. 

"Ooh.... listen to Mr snippy there. You sure have got it bad. Seriously Clay, what the hell's up with ya? She blew you out or what?"

"Hey..." Jason throws his bag onto the floor in his cage. Looking around at the faces of Sonny and Clay, "So, what's goin' on?"

"Golden-boy here, his fit lil Brit-Chick, she's blown him out - not returning his calls. He gettin' a little antsy!"

"Which Brit-Chick?" Jason frowns "I thought you were seein' - _Elsa_?"

Clay closes his eyes, sighing loudly trying to ignore them, he can't. "Oh, for god' sake ... how many times? It was ELLEN!" Grinding his teeth, he's so annoyed.

"Oh no Jace, you missed that whole part." Sonny leans back in his seat putting his feet up on the crate in his cage "The ice queen is long gone..." He smiles "this one... wow weeee! She's hot! And a bigger turn-on -her kooky little Brit accent. Yeah, this one, she's as hot as hell! Ain't nothin' icy about her. Am I right Clay?" he laughs as Jason sits up, folding his arms listening to Sonny describe her. " Oh, and to top it off, she's a yoga teacher! Means she gotta be flexible, right?" 

"Will you shut the hell up Sonny!" Clay's angry - throwing the can of deodorant at him. 

Jason laughs. "So, what the hell's the problem then? Why the long face?"

"Cos by the looks of it, she's already dumped his ass!" Sonny laughs throwing the deodorant back. "She's ghostin' him, not answerin' his calls."

"Really?! Ghostin' you so soon, why what you do to her, or what didn't you do is more the question?" He laughs.

"She's not ghosting me- She's got stuff to do!"

"Okay, well best we check her out. Bring her for drinks - tonight!"

Clay frowns, packing his kit into his bag "I can't, bring her. What I mean is, she's um, gotta work thing and she's away for a couple weeks." 

"Oh, my God!" Sonny laughs, choking on the can of beer he opened "That's why you're so frustrated. Two weeks of having to imagine what you'd like to do to her. That's not good for a man!" Sonny frowns "So why the hell's she workin' away? Thought she was a yoga teacher? How much working away can you have, doin' that?"

"It's um.... "Clay stutters " it's a conference- sports thing. I don't know ..." he's flustered and looks away. Trying to pick all his clothes up and fit them into the bag.

"What and you can't call her? She can't take calls at this conference - thing?" Sonny frowns, he's starting to get a little suspicious of Clay's reluctant answers. 

"I can but ... you know what, shut the hell up! She's just busy and she can't spend all day taking calls" 

Jason and Sonny look at each other. Both of their inner alarm bells sound. Sonny dismisses the feeling for a moment. "Well I think she's ghosting ya, but well as soon as she back, then we need to give her the once over. I mean we don't want no more _Elsa's_ do we. I mean she seemed okay for a while, but look how that turned out. No, best we check her out for you!"

Jason smiles, "We could get Mandy to run an intel search on her?" Jason points at Sonny "Boom! Blow her off from the start is she don't come up clean!"

He and Sonny can't resist laughing at Clay's expense and he angrily rounds on them. "Why the hell would you wanna do that?" he snaps

"Hey whoa ... calm down there. It's a joke - chill. "Jason frowns looking at Sonny "Hey relax, is there something we should know about? The way you're over-reacting."

Clay picks up his bag. He's so annoyed at the way they're talking, "No, of course not. I just don't like the way you pick holes in the women I date. Not that I'm not even dating her, but why does it have to be such a big deal? You know what, I need to get outta here. I need some fresh air"

~ # # ~

Clay lets out a long sigh. He's been sitting in his truck- alone, for over a half an hour. Trying her cell number again, he's relieved when she finally answers. "Oh, my God Kelsey!" he smiles "Where the hell have you been? I've been calling you for ages."

"Hey, yeah, sorry about that. Look, I can't talk long, I'm just on a quick break. How are you? You get back okay from your spin up? - I was thinking about you."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good. So, how's it going? I thought you'd be back in VB by now."

"Yeah so did I but... look I don't know exactly when but we're due back soon. Hit some snags. Kept us busy and put us behind schedule, but it's fine now."

" I saw you on the news - the carrier," he laughs " In New York!"

"You stalking me, Mr Spenser?"

"Maybe? You know... I thought I could do a raid on your ship, swim alongside, sneak on-board in the night - come find you?"

"Really?" she laughs "Well for your information, if you're contemplating night-time raids. We have state-of-the-art radar tech - pick you up before you get starboard," 

"Hmmm well then I'll settle for video call? Kelsey, I need to see you!" he frowns 

She looks around checking its all clear where she is. "Hang on - let me find somewhere to go. Somewhere no one can see us!" She disappears but he hears what sounds like clanking - her running down metal stairs. "Alright call me now!" 

Suddenly her face lights up his screen "Hey ... so how long before you get back?"

"I don't know. But by the time we get in and I finish up, it'll be getting late." She looks around checking if anyone's coming "I need to go; I still have lots to do." she smiles. Then she kisses the screen, "I'm missing you."

Clay smiles. "Missin' you too. Hey, come to mine, when you get finished up. I'll cook, get some wine?" "I don't know Clay. I'm not sure I should. It will be late when I get back. Maybe we should just, you know..." she sighs " cool it for a while. It's not such a good idea to see each other, I don't think. ,"

"Hey, it'll be okay. To be honest, I don't even think we'd be in trouble. I mean, I'm not sure it breaks the rules."

"Yeah well I don't want to take a chance on that."

"Look, I'll come get you. Just text me when you finish- it doesn't matter what time. Please.... I need to see you. I wanna talk."

She laughs, "You wanna _talk_?"

"Well maybe not just _talk_" he smiles "Please text me. I'll wait for you."

She turns thinking she's heard someone coming, "Shhh! Hold on, I heard something. I need to go... okay, I'll text you when I'm done!"

"Hey Kelsey.... what's that on your shirt?"

  
"What?" She frowns looking to see what he's talking about. Looking for a mark on her uniform.

"The insignia on your shirt?" he notices her shoulder straps as she moves her phone. "Wait ... do you have a commission?" he frowns

"Clay..." She lets out a long sigh "... look, I was going to tell you." She sighs, "But... yeah I'm a Sub- Lieutenant - rank, it just goes with the job."

"And you didn't think to say anything?"

"Clay, I can't do this with you now. I have to go. Can we talk about this later?"

"I don't know. Maybe you're right... maybe this shouldn't go anywhere, I mean, what else are you not tellin' me?"

She closes her eyes and sighs, "Clay, I wanted to tell you. When I said we couldn't see each other, I should have said something - I'm sorry."

"Yeah, you're right. You should have said something sooner!"

"Clay ....what are you getting so pissed about? Does it matter? What does it offend your ego?" She lets out a long sigh "You know what.... I'm not doing this with you right now. I have to get back to work." She bites her lip thinking "Clay, I'm sorry. I would love this to work but... ," she rubs her head, leaning back against the wall "it can't. I think we need to call it a day!"

He goes quiet - thinking. He knows she's right- but he can't. "What so, just like that - you wanna end it? What because I said you should have told me?"

"I'm sorry Clay, I need to go!"   
  


"Please Kelsey.... I'm sorry. Please call me when you get back. I'll pick you up. Let's just talk"  
  


"Clay, it's best, for both of us, if you don't call me anymore." she sighs " I have to go - Bye Clay!"  
  


"Kelsey...Kelsey .... please don't! Fuck..." he throws the phone on the seat next to him, running his hands through his hair.  
  


She leans her head back against the wall, while wiping the tears off her cheek. "Shit.... argh! Damn you Clay!" She closes her eyes as more tears roll down her face "How the hell did I let you get in my head like this?"

~ # # ~

She smiles, shaking her head. As she looks over across the road from the Carrier - where it's docked. Clay's standing, arms folded, waiting beside his parked truck. She walks towards him, trying not to laugh. Trying to keep up the fake pretense of being annoyed. "And exactly _how _many calls..." she holds up her phone " were you going to make? Twenty-five messages, really? You don't have something better to do? Like a hobby or something"

He smiles, shaking his head. "No! And anyway, that's as many as I would let me leave. I would have kept calling all night until you answered." 

She laughs biting her lip trying not to look at the cute smile he's giving her "So was there some point? - to the messages."

"No! I just wanted you to listen to me saying I was sorry. I shouldn't have got annoyed earlier."   
  


"Okay, well then apology accepted." she yawns. - tired.

"Have to say...." he pulls at the bands on the shoulder insignia of her shirt " these look very sexy on you."

He leans in and kisses her. and she pushes him back " Clay.... you can't be here. I have to get finished up."

He shrugs, "Fine I'll wait!"

"Clay... " She smiles, looking behind her, making sure that there's no one watching them. "I have to go finish up - get changed."

"Okay, that's fine. But don't forget an overnight bag,"   
  


"And, what would I need that for?"

He grabs her by the waist, brushing her hair away from her face - kissing her. "For a stay over at mine! C'mon, please ... say you'll come? You said you have a weeks leave now. So, get off that ship and stay with me."

"Clay, I.... I can't!"

"Yes - you can! Who's gonna know?"

"Clay.. ,"she sighs. Then she smiles "You're not gonna give in are you?"

"No... listen I've laid in a field in Afghanistan for two days and so sitting out here all night - to wait for you. Piece a cake!"

She smiles as she looks at him, "Just go home. I'll... I'll come ..." she smiles "when I'm finished up."

"Promise?" he kisses her more passionately. Her holding him back.

"Hey, not here! Please. Someone might see us,"

"Then promise me you'll come to mine?"

"Okay..." she nods " okay promise. But I don't know what time it'll be,"

"That's fine - I'll wait. I told you already, I'll wait here all night if I have to."

"argh! God, why are you so damn cute? You make it impossible to say no to you!" She walks away. Headed back towards the ship.

"Hey Kelsey ... bring your uniform!" he winks at her suggestively. She turns, laughing. Then sticking her middle finger up at him, she runs back to the ship. He smiles and then sighs loudly - getting in his truck. He heads back home.


	4. A surprise for you

Clay barely opens the door to her before his hand is around the back of her head pulling her lips towards his.

" Whoa!!!...." She takes a deep breath and smiles at the rush of feelings as he forces his kisses on her. She pushes against his chest, holding him back, looking him fully in the face. "Slow down there sailor!" she smiles.

He smiles, caressing her cheek with his hand, looking her deep in the eyes "Sorry, I just... Oh god.." he sighs "..look at you. I missed you so much."

She smiles again, doing that nervous little thing she does, where she bites the corner of her bottom lip "You know you only saw me a few hours ago. Remember your stalking me at work, or have you forgotten that?" she laughs "So, you gonna let me in?"

"Yeh sure" he closes the door behind her, immediately grabbing her around the waist, pulling her against him as he leans his back against the door frame.

"Mmmm! Something smells good."

"Chicken casserole. I wasn't sure how long you would be so ... thought it could stay in the oven till we're ready"

She smiles "Smells good. Mind ...." she sniffs him "so do you" She kisses him again, holding his cheek in her hand, studying his face. "I did miss you too. I shouldn't have done, but... I did"   
  
She leans in, kissing him. This time she shows him how much she wants him. Their tongues playing with each other, but as they take a moment, for some air, he notices the sad tinge to the look on her face. "You know we um... we really shouldn't be doing this"

"I know." he sighs "I know but... it's only a week right. I mean your shore leave is a week you said?"

She nods "Yeah a week. We have um... we have some big exercise next week. Some joint operation, show of strength thing, proving how we can play nice with the other services" she laughs "You know, it's more of a nightmare if you ask me. The amount of top brass involved in it is ridiculous"   
She sighs, running her hands over his chest as she leans against him, listening to his heart beat and the scent of him in her nostrils she closes her eyes enjoying the feeling of comfort that he brings. "We have special briefing on Friday, which I have to attend. It's actually being held in one of the conference rooms at your place, as it happens. No doubt just a load of cake eaters on their jollies" she bites her lip smiling

"Oh really, at my place? " he frowns "You know I could give you a special briefing ,here ... at my place."

She bites her lip again and smiles at him "Oh could you now, Petty officer Spenser?" she leans forward, her lips touch his, her hands in his hair grabbing at him "Maybe we should talk about this briefing, in the bedroom?"

He nods, smiling excitedly at the suggestion "Maybe we should. But first... I have a surprise for you. Close your eyes"

"A surprise?" she frowns looking at him suspiciously "What surprise?"

"I said close your eyes. Go on!" he turns her around, wrapping his strong arms around her tight from behind, pulling her body backwards against him, then he walks her forward towards the bedroom "Are your eyes closed?"

"Mm hmm.." she peeps out

"Kelsey, no cheating!" He puts his hand over her face

"Clay!!..." she laughs "... What is this? Come on tell me. I don't like surprises. Clay, what are you doing?"

"Patience Lieutenant" he sniggers with anticipation "Just wait, hopefully you'll like it." He walks her through the bedroom doorway, her hand feeling instinctively out in front of her  
"Okay, ready? Open your eyes."

She blinks her eyes open. She smiles, looking around at the candlelit bedroom. "Clay....What is this?" She frowns looking at the bed which is covered with a large black towel and what looks like "Rose petals?" she frowns picking one up "Fake, rose petals??" she looks at him confused.

"Hey, give me a break. Do you know how hard it is to get rose petals around here?"

She laughs, shaking her head "What is this about?" 

He wraps his arms over her shoulders, placing a bottle in her hand   
  
"Strawberry massage oil" she reads "Oh right, I get it. You want me to massage you?" she twists her head to look at him, as he leans his chin on her shoulder.

"No. No, I thought you might like me to massage you. Relieve some of this officer stress you have. Make you relax" he rubs his hand into her shoulder muscles while kissing her neck.

She laughs "Okay, sounds like a good plan to me" She starts to unbutton her shirt.  
  
"No, wait!" he smiles pulling her now unbuttoned shirt open, looking at her black lace bra underneath, running his hand over her curves "Just wait. There's more"  
  


He walks her towards the dresser "Open the drawer"

She frowns hesitantly, leaning back against his chest, enjoying the feeling of him as he massages her breasts, pulling her bra cups down so he can put his hand on her soft flesh from behind. "Go on, open it" he smiles, as she cautiously slides the drawer open.  
  
It's empty aside from the one packet "Knickers ?!" she picks them up frowning "_Five black knickers._ I...I don't understand "

He's kissing the space between her neck and shoulders as she turns the packet over in her hand "The um.... woman in the store, she said they were the most _plain, everyday panties _they sold."

"Sorry what?" Kelsey laughs out loud "Well...yeah! Yeah, I can see how they are _plain, everyday knickers_ for sure. Very um.... boring, but practical" she frowns turning to look at him "You went and got these, for me?"

"um hmm "He sighs, but he's not looking at the knickers in her hand, he's more absorbed in touching her nipples as she stands in front of him, shirt open, her breasts on display, free now from the lace that contained them.   
  
"Clay what are these for?" she looks him in the eyes, refocusing his attention away from her flesh.  
  
"They're so if you stay over, then you don't have to worry, about having nothing to wear" he smiles "and the drawer.... well I figured if you were staying the week, you might want to put some of your stuff away."

"Staying the week??" she frowns, taking a deep breath "That's very presumptuous of you. Clay Spenser." she sighs "You know, this is very sweet. But.... " she frowns laying the packet of panties back in the drawer ".. but I'm not sure if I should be staying the week, are you?"   
  
"Shhh! You know you're going to stay the week " he kisses "I'm gonna make you want to stay the week"

"Oh, you are you?" she turns, kissing him "Well....thank you for thinking of me. This is all very cute. ...just like you." she laughs again "I can't seriously believe, you went to the shop and bought these" 

He kisses her unable to keep his hands off her now "Come..." he leads her to the bathroom.   
  
The shelves and sink are now filled with an array of pink soaps, body wash and baby pink towels. She laughs, shaking her head in disbelief "Clay .... what the hell is all this?"

"Well, I kinda figured, that a bit more girlie couldn't hurt. Part of my plan to get you to stay."

"You're so funny. And so sweet" she wraps her arms round his neck pulling him towards her, as he brings his lips towards hers "So, do I get my massage now? "

"Mmmm hmm ..." he smiles as he undoes her combats pants, dropping them to the floor. She steps out of them to reveal the matching black lace panties she's wearing.  
  
"Oh god, you look so great!" her stares at her, stood here in only unbuttoned black shirt, lace bra and panties.   
Running his hand gently over her slim waist, walking out of the bathroom, back towards the bedroom. His lips locked on hers he slides her shirt sleeves down her arms, taking it off, before throwing it on to the floor "Oh! I nearly forgot ... there's one more thing"   
  
He reaches in the bag on the chair "You were right about those panties being kinda boring. So... I got these as well." Looking all smug and pleased with himself he hands her a red lacy thong on a hanger

She smiles, biting her the corner of her lip " Oh!.... " she laughs "Yeh those are not so boring!" she sighs "And the lady in the shop, did she pick these out? Or did you do that all by yourself?"

He smiles "I chose these all by myself"

"Yeah, yeah I kinda figured that. They defo have more your style written all over them" she laughs "So what, you want me to put them on now? "

"Well... you know I wouldn't say no, to seeing you in them. Just to check I got the right size. That they fit." He can feel the large groaning swell that's growing inside the shorts he's wearing, as he thinks about seeing her in the red lace. 

She pulls him towards her to kiss and she can feel the hardness against her, putting her hand on it she massages gently, arousing him more "Mmmm! Yeah, you definitely seem keener on these ones."

"Oh, I like the idea of you in _these _a lot more"

She blushes, biting her lip again, as her eyes flirt with him "You know um... we could just skip the underwear part, get straight to the you putting your hands on my body bit"

"Well see that's the kind of tactical decision an officer would make. And it's much better than the one I had"   
  
He smiles as he unhooks the back of her bra, letting her breasts fall totally free. She slides the straps down her arms, dropping the lace garment on to the floor. Then he lays her back on the towel on the bed   
  
"Come on then. Show me your massage skills"

He slips his shorts off and lays his now naked body on top of hers "Let's just forget the massage as well, shall we?"

"Oh no! No, we're not forgetting that. You promised me strawberry oil ... and that's what I want"

"Really?" he laughs, looking at her serious face "That what you want? Okay!"   
  
He takes the bottle of oil and pouring some into his palms, he gently lays both hands against her skin. Slowly working the oil over her chest, massaging her breasts firmly with slow movements, dropping down over her stomach. Then taking the edges of either side of the panties she's still wearing, he wriggles them down her legs, dropping them to the floor with the rest of her clothes.

"Mmmm!" she groans in sequence to every touch of his hands. He's paying extra special attention to the soft firmness of her breast, in circular movements, following each touch of his hand with a kiss from his lips, his tongue dancing over her hardened nipples.   
  
Her body arches forward, willing his mouth against her. She aches for his touch and her hands pull at his hair. Twisting her fingers in his curls "Mmmm ....you know..." she lifts his head so that her eyes are now locked on his "You're right." she sighs "Let's just skip the massage part"  
  
Using her strength, and catching him by surprise, she now turn him over on to his back. Sprawled against the bed and her legs straddled across his body her hands pinning his arms down.

"What the hell!" he laughs at the sudden movement and force that she used flipping him over "Where the hell you learn moves like that?"

She smiles as she sits on top of him, sexily playing with her hair, piling on top of her head "Oh you know, the Royal Navy has good training " she laughs leaning forward to kiss him "and when I said I did yoga... well that wasn't quite true ...martial arts is more my thing."

"Mmmm ..." he smiles "...you know what? I'm liking you more all the time"  
  
As she positions herself over his erect hardness, slowly lowering herself against him they both let out a pleasurable groan. He sits up, holding his arm around her back, pulling her naked body closer to his, until he can feel he's deep inside her. Then she rocks her hips back, making him groan with even more pleasure.   
He's been waiting so long for this. Thinking about it, building it up in his mind and it doesn't take long for him to be on the edge. His mouth is back at her breast, his hand caressing her back.   
  
She groans out loud, A long lingering sound of pleasure from her lips. It's too much, he needs her now. Wants to take her body so badly. Holding her tight against him, he turns her over so once again she's on her back on the towel.   
  
"Mmmm.." she groans again, letting the sound out loud, not holding back as he thrusts against her with more intensity. She grabs at his head. Kissing him roughly, as they remain locked against each other.   
Then she can feel as his body muscles tense, and he finally shoots his warm load inside her. He collapses his weight against her body and she smiles contentedly "Well it seems you didn't lie when you said you missed me"

"Mmmm ..." He smiles, stroking her skin. He rolls over and lays beside her, pulling her closer. She strokes his face, watching him breathing heavily, as he looks up at the ceiling.  
  
She laughs, picking the fake petals that have stuck to them from the combination of oil and sweat on their skin " You know, I don't think these were such a good idea." she laughs

He looks down and also laughs, seeing the both of their naked bodies randomly covered in the red fake petals "Probably not. But... " he kisses her ".. you coming here was"

She smiles. He kisses her a long lingering kiss, then jumps off the bed pulling his shorts on   
"I need to check on the dinner. You wanna have a shower first?"

"Mm hmmm... I think I need to" she smiles, pulling the sheet around her nakedness "Clay.... come here" She pulls his face towards hers, staring him deep in the eyes "I wish this could be different. I wish this pressure, about being found out, wasn't here"

"I know ... " he runs his fingers gently around her face "But, it's gonna be fine. Trust me." he kisses her "So you'll stay, for the week?"

She nods and smiles at him. Thinking to herself how much she likes him "Yeah. Yeah, I'll stay"

He gets up from the bed. She takes the towel with her as she heads into the bathroom. bathroom.

**o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Mmmm..." she groans "... what the hell is that noise?"

"Sorry, it's my phone." he reaches down beside the bed. "Hmmm.." he sighs, looking at the screen. "I gotta go!"

"Seriously?" she frowns, rubbing her head. She's still so tired "What time is it?"

"Around four."

"Mmmm....shit! I don't even feel like I've slept "

"Yeah well, to be honest, we have only been asleep for about two hours"

"Mmmm.." she smiles ".. and I wonder why that is?" she leans over kissing him " Ohh... mmm, yeah, yeah I remember now" Her hand wanders down over the abs on his stomach, down his thigh to the large firmness growing again between his legs.

"Oh god!! Kelsey don't!" he smiles as she rubs at him "Kelsey! I said don't. I don't have time. I have to go" he leans over and kisses her.

"Are you sure?" She smiles, teasingly kissing across his chest. Then working her way down under the sheet "You've not got time for this . ." She continues to kiss his body, as he sinks his head back into the pillow   
"Mmmm!" he groans as her mouth softly takes him "Oh god!!! That's...... Oh shit!!" he stops what he's thinking about as his phone rings "Shit!"

She surfaces from the covers, her concentration also broken "Who the hell is that at this time?"

"Guess!" he frowns showing her the screen. They both sigh with annoyance "Sonny! What can I do for you?"

"Clay, what you doin'?"

"Getting dressed. We just got called in"

"Yeah, yeah I know. Can you come get me? I seem to have misplaced my truck" he coughs "a little too much tequila last night"

Clay closes his eyes, laughing. "You've done what?... You know what don't bother explaining." Kelsey frowns watching him, wondering what's going on "I'll be with you shortly. Oh and Sonny, you owe me. Big time!"

"Sonny?!" Kelsey frowns, raking her hands through her hair "I'm sure that man is psychic" she laughs

"Yeah you could be right." he smiles then kisses her " We'll pick this up where you left off, when I get back"

"Okay. Sounds good to me" she puts her hand on his cheek and gives him a huge kiss, not wanting to let him go.

"Oh god!" he groans, the feeling between his legs is like fire "Don't do this to me. I really have to go."   
  
He kisses her again as they just lay looking at each other. As she rests her chin on his chest, he brushes her hair away from her face "You stay here and sleep. There are takeout menus in the kitchen cabinet"

"Clay I'll be fine. I can manage to get food you know" she smiles, running her fingers gently up his bicep "Just don't be too long." her face drops and she sighs "I go Friday. so, if you're not back, then....I'll call you, when I can"

"How long did you say this exercise should last?"

"Just nine days"

He sighs, wistfully watching her "Well hopefully, I'll be back before you go. I'll book that fancy pasta place I was telling you about, for Thursday evening if you want. We can do drinks make a nice evening of it before you go."

She nods "Yeah that sounds good. Now go! Bag me some bad guys and save the world"

"Oh, don't worry I'm on them" he kisses her "You know, I like having you here."

"Clay don't .. don't do the soppy stuff. I don't want to get too involved here."

He sighs running his finger gently on her cheek "Sorry, it's too late. I'm already involved"

She wraps her fingers tightly in his hair pulling his lips to hers, their tongues are taking each other as they can't let go. Not wanting to give up this moment. As she kisses him one more time she looks at him "Clay just go." she frowns

He pulls his Tee shirt over his head, smiles at her and salutes "Yes ma am"

"You're such an idiot!" she throws the pillow, from the bed, at him, pulling the sheet around her naked body while she watches him get dressed.

He stands in the doorway looking at her "I'll see you soon."

She nods watching him "Clay.....please be careful."

He nods and leaves. She smiles, laying back against the pillow, closing her eyes.

"Oh Kelsey...." she opens her eyes as she hears him call her from the front door "Sorry but .. I left you last night's washing up!"

she sighs, pulling the pillow over her head, she's laughing "Such an idiot!"


	5. Waffles

  
"Mmmm" Kelsey groans as she's quietly woken up.

"Hey, are you awake?" Clay whispers in her ear, sliding his hand under the covers and wrapping his arm around her, naked, body.

"Mm hmm. I am now." she smiles to herself, pulling his arm tighter around her "You're back then, what time is it?"

"Just after six am"

"You okay?" she blinks her eyes open, turning her body around to face him. She frowns, noticing the bandage on the top of his arm “Clay are you alright. What did you do?"

"Oh, nothing much. Sniper round grazed me, that's all. It's nothing"

She frowns again, wide awake now "A sniper round what?! Oh my god, does it hurt"

"A bit, I told you don't worry, it's okay, I'm good. Mission went to crap if I'm honest. But, I'm fine, I promise." he smiles brushing, her sleep matted hair back from her face, before giving her a long lingering kiss. "God I missed you."

"Well you know... " she laughs, stroking her fingers down his cheek " I haven't missed you at all. Nope, I've loved having this whole bed to myself for a couple of days"   
  
She smiles again, kissing him back "Actually I've been spoiled now, cos it's gonna take some getting used to, being back in my small single bunk, tomorrow for sure." she sighs, kissing her lips gently against his.

"I can't believe you've gotta go tomorrow" he groans loudly "Feels like we've only had a couple of days together"

"Well, that would be your fault. If you must go and fight the worlds bad guys" she laughs, wrapping her arms around him, pulling him closer, while tracing lines across the muscles on his back with her fingertips. "Mmmm, you smell so good"

He works his hand under the bed covers, running his fingers up the smooth skin of her inner thigh "Oh!" he smiles "I see you're not wearing any panties, Lieutenant Roberts"

"No." she grins at him "Not since someone text me, at two am, and said he was coming back. I like to be mission ready" She laughs

"Oh, so you're mission ready are you?"

"Mm hmmm"

"Okay, well in that case I need to work out my infill plan."

"Really? Well then I'm disappointed Petty Officer Spenser, I thought you would be more field ready than that"

"Oh, I'm ready. Now, come here." He pulls her body on top of his, kissing her. It's now she realises that he's already totally naked, having shed his clothing before he got into bed  
"Mmmm, you feel so good, Roberts"   
  
His mouth is locked on hers; they can't get enough of each other and he turns her over onto her back. He's just staring at her, looking into her eyes with a deep intent. Using his knees, he spreads her legs apart, taking hold of her wrists pinning them over her head while he works his kisses over her neck and chest.  
  
Then finding his way back to her lips with his, he hesitates. Watching her smile as he thrusts the length of his wanting hardness inside her. She lets out a long groaning sigh, and there's a deep moaning sound from both of them as he pushes inside her deeper and harder. She closes her eyes as his tongue find hers.  
"Ahhh.. god, Clay!!" she cries out, breathless. Her body's tingling all over, and she plunges her tongue back in his mouth.

He takes long, slow, deep thrusts, and as his orgasm fills every fiber of his body, he feels like he's not going to be able to hold out much longer.   
They can feel every pulse, every need and every want of each other’s bodies and she grips her hands on the sheets of the bed, crying out in pleasure. Groaning and panting as the final throes of ecstasy ripple up through her body.  
He can feel as she relaxes underneath him, allowing him to release his own, held back tension. The warm pleasurable feeling he's getting from the fire in his groin as his muscles relax. "Hmmm" he smiles, collapsing on to his back beside her on the bed.   
  
She smiles, biting the corner of her lip, like she does, then lying on her front she rests her chin on his chest. She doesn't utter a word, just lays there studying him.   
  
They're both content, arms wrapped around, embracing each other.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

Clay wakes. He can hear the sounds of running water and as he looks up from under the pillow he can see, a naked, Kelsey standing in the bathroom doorway.

"Hey sleepy head" she smiles

"Mmmm" he groans as he turns over, checking the time on his phone. "Hey" he returns the smile "What are you doing?"

"Well.." she's at the side of the bed, crouched on her knees, stroking his hair, her eyes fixed on his face "I've made us some breakfast, cos, I was starving, and I'm addicted to those waffle things you have." she laughs "I'm definitely gonna miss those next week. I think I lived on them while you were away". She laughs again "And, I thought you might like a bath. Soak your muscles, after all that action they've seen these past few days"  
She kisses his forehead, running her finger, gently on the bandage on his arm "And I figured it would keep that dry, better than a shower"

"Mmmm... sounds good. Are you joining me?"   
  
"I was thinking I might. You could wash my back; I seem to remember you had skills in that department" she smiles at him still running her hand around his face.

He puts his hand to the back of head pulling her forward to kiss. "Mmmm .." he groans as his hand drops down to stroke circles, with his fingers, around her breast.

"Uh uh! No! Come on get up. You'll have to wait until later for any more of that"

"Hmm" he sighs as she turns and heads into the bathroom

"Awww!" She squeals as, unable to resist, he smacks her playfully across her bare butt.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Mmmm.... this is nice" she relaxes back against his chest as they sit in the bath. He's squeezing the warm water from the sponge over her chest, while she strokes his thigh  
"So, how's your arm feel?"

"It's fine" he sighs, closing his eyes enjoying the warmth on his muscles.   
He's thinking about his arm, about what went wrong. How near miss that bullet was and how they weren't on their A game this op. He’s also thinking about the noise of Jason balling them out over it.   
  
He sighs, pushing it all from his mind as he leans forward, kissing the skin between her neck and shoulder, putting his arm around her body he holds her tight against his " I wish you didn't have to go tomorrow"

She smiles "Yeah I know. But it won't be long"

"Then what? What happens after you get back?"

She shrugs "I'll get a few more days off, then... then we have some more training exercises to run. It'll be like that for the nine months deployment. Come on Clay, you know how it works.” She frowns “Then.. then I get four months shore leave and…” she sighs as this thinks about it “… I go back to the UK. But, Clay I don't want to think about it right now, just... just let's enjoy today."

"Will you come back? When you get your shore leave. Come here and stay with me?"

"Clay, are you serious?" she frowns "You want me to come here?"   
She turns around in the bath, sitting on her knees facing him as he nods "Okay…” she frowns “..I'll think about it" She smiles, happy inside that he’s asked her that. She lays back against his chest, closing her eyes, enjoying the warm peace.  
  
The quiet is suddenly broken by the sound of Clay’s phone bleeping through in the bedroom.   
  
"Oh no!" she frowns "Seriously? You can't be getting spun up again, can you?"

Clay frowns. He climbs out of the bath, grabbing a towel, drying himself then wrapping it around his waist "No, No I .. I don't think it can be that” At least he hopes not as he heads to the bedroom to check on it.   
  
He checks the message on his phone from Jason.   
“Briefing Tomorrow. 9am prompt! Don’t Be late. I want you all A1 ”

Hmm Clay frowns at the short sharp message _Oh shit! That's gonna be about the fuck ups on this mission!_ He lets out a long sigh, remembering about the anger on Jason's face at the debrief, most of it directed at him and Sonny and he can now feel some serious hill running coming his way.   
  
He wanders through to the living area still reading his messages. "Hey Kels! You want some coffee?" he calls out to her.  
  
As he fills the machine with the coffee grounds there's a knock on the apartment door "Hold on, I'm just coming" He tightens the towel around his waist and unlocks the door   
  
"Sonny!" He wasn't expecting him, and he takes a deep breath "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Thought I'd bring you some lunch. and, good news. I found my truck" he smiles

"Sonny, that’s great but you need to go! You can’t be here, not now."

"Go? No, I brought lunch" he pushes past and heads to the couch sitting down and unwrapping the food he’s brought. He looks up at Clay, who’s standing there, wrapped only in a towel with his hand still on the door "Clay, what are you doin'?"

“Sonny, I said you need to….. “

  
"Clay!..." Kelsey shouts from the bedroom doorway, wrapped only in a large pink towel  
"Can you make me some of those waff..ffle....sss! " she stutters as she sees Sonny sat there.

"Well hullo there again, little lady" Sonny's face breaks out into a broad grin "You know we have to stop meeting like this?"

A look of horror comes over her face, and she can feel the red flush work its way over her cheeks as she blushes "Um... " she sighs ".. you know I should get dressed. I didn’t realise we have company."

"Oh please.." Sonny smiles "I told ya before, ya don't have to on my account. I kinda like this look ya got goin’ on"   
He grins at Clay as she heads back into the bedroom "Clay, you dirty dog! You never told me she was back."

“I told you Sonny; you need to go!"

"No.No I'm not going, we gonna have this late lunch. Then you can bring her with us"

"With us? With us where?" Clay frowns

"Jace wants to meet for beers, talk about this thing tomorrow. And I know he'll be keen to check her out. You know something Clay.... " Sonny whispers "I gotta say, she's the hottest girl I've known you have. I like her. You sure she aint got no mates, sisters, cousins.. anything like that?"

Clay shakes his head laughing "Just shut up and eat your lunch Sonny”

"You want some of this?"

"Umm.. sure. And Sonny, get a plate for that.” he frowns looking at the bedroom doorway where Kelsey has disappeared “Hang on to mine, I'm just gonna check she’s okay"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Hey!"

"Hey!" she doesn't smile but she looks up and acknowledges him as she pulls her vest top over her head, pulling it down, covering her bra-less body.

"Kelsey are you okay?" he frowns watching as she pulls her jeans up her legs. He wraps his around her waist from behind, holding her "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." she sighs "oh.... just.." she sighs again "Does he not have anywhere else to go? I mean we only have today and ... and now we're babysitting him"

"That's Sonny you'll get use to him" he laughs "Look, he wants us to go for drinks, so tell you what, we'll go for a while then bin him off and then I'll take you for the dinner. Food, a little wine and then... we can come back here, be alone _and_ ..." Holding her closer, he kisses into her neck.

"_And?_" She smiles, as she turns around facing him "_And_ what, Mr Spenser?

"_And_..." He kisses her lips, running his hand up under the hem of her vest "_and_... I'm gonna take these clothes off, again, _and_ show you"  
  
"Oh!" she smiles now "You are, are you? Hmm... Well okay, that sounds like a plan I could like"

"Okay?" he leans in kissing her

"Yeah okay. Though, I'm not sure drinks are such a good idea, do you?" she sighs "I mean going for drinks in public, with Sonny, it's not a wise move"

"Look..." he checks the doorway, hushing his voice "...Sonny's bought my yoga teacher story, so we'll just stick with it." he frowns, kissing her, trying his best to reassure her "Come on, please. If we spend some time with him, it'll get him off my case and he'll stop going on about you"

"Hmmm!" she frowns at him suspiciously "And for this I get dinner and some, _and?_ " she laughs

"Oh yeah! You can have as much _and _as you want"

"You're an idiot Mr Spenser." she laughs " Cute. But an idiot all the same" She kisses him, wrapping her arms around his back, running her fingers over his skin as he kisses into her neck.   
  
She pulls at his towel, trying to remove it, as they get carried away. That's until they're interrupted again "Okay, enough!" Sonny frowns as he stands in the doorway  
"I'm putting you two in time out!” he laughs “Get dressed. We're going for beers cos all this; it's putting me off my food."

Kelsey smiles as she blushes and Clay slides his hand out from under her shirt.  
“I’m gonna make those waffles, while you get dressed" she kisses him. Smiling with a wicked grin as she pulls his towel away, taking it with her. “I want my _and_, later.”

"Kelsey!!!" Clay laughs, standing there naked he sighs "oh god, that girl!"

**o-o-o-o-o-o**

She’s in the kitchen getting the last of the waffles out of the box "You know, I don't think we have these in the UK" she looks at the packet then over at Sonny who's still eating his steak sandwich "I might have to take some back with me"

"Clay know, you're going back, to the UK I mean. "Sonny frowns, looking up at her "When you do you go back?"

"Um .. Oh um... not for a while yet" she gulps flustering about what she's said and Sonny’s questions.

"I guess you have a work visa for a while, right. I mean you've not been here long"

"Mm hmm" she doesn't reply, and now she's trying to ignore the questioning.

"So, um... how was your conference?" Sonny frowns watching her make the waffles while she tries to avoid him.

"Conference?" Surprised by his question she turns to look at him "Sorry, what conference? What are you talking about?"

"The one Clay said you were at"

She’s confused, questioning Clay as he returns from the bedroom. “I was at a conference?”   
  
Clay’s now dressed, in his Tee and jeans, and is standing in the space between her and Sonny "Um.... Yeah... err" Clay coughs, stuttering over his words "..the um.. _sports _conference, _for work_. When you were um.... _away _for the past couple of weeks" he frowns, giving her a deep long stare.

"Oh!!! Oh yeah. Yeah _that_ conference.... oh um.... yeah it was...it was good. Made a lot of contacts for my um...my _yoga_ classes" She frowns. Apprehensively staring at Clay for answers

Sonny frowns. He gets a feeling he's missing something, but he's not sure what. "Perhaps I should check in on one of these classes you run? I guess you have hot women in lots of bendy positions there, I imagine. Bit like a live karma sutra"

"Hmmm" she frowns looking at Sonny "um.. it's um.. ladies only I'm afraid"

"See even better .. no competition" Sonny laughs, though he can see the look on her face, a combination of worry and serious "Oh, I'm just joking with ya. Relax. Seriously, have you Brits no sense of humor?"

She smiles awkwardly. Clay can see more questions coming and he diverts Sonny's attention by picking up his jacket "Best get it together if you want beer, cos we have reservation for dinner later"

Sonny stops his questioning filling his mouth hurriedly with the remnants of his sandwich.

Kelsey frown deepens as Clay comes to the kitchen. "You sure this is a good idea?" she whispers "I mean, is he gonna be asking awkward questions the whole time?"   
  
"No, he'll be fine. Don't worry, just ignore him, the rest of us do. He doesn't suspect anything, he’s just being curious" He puts his hand on her back of her head holding her still before he kisses her "Trust me, it's all good. He likes you."

"Hmm" she frowns, breaking bites off the waffles she cooked, stuffing them in her mouth as she smiles at him. "You know, you need to get some more of these. For when I get back... from exercise"

A smile break across his face and he stares her deep in the eyes "Wait...you're gonna come back, after your work finishes?"  
  
She looks around, checking Sonny's still sitting down, as she flirtily toys with the hem of his Tee. Lifting it, she runs her hands up his stomach and over is smooth of his chest "If... you want me to?"

“Oh, yeah..” He picks her up, sitting her on the countertop. Then placing his hands either side of her, leaning in to kiss her "..you know I want you to!"   
  
She wraps her legs around his back, pulling him tight against her. Then wrapping her fingers in his hair, tugging on it gently "Then this exercise is gonna to be nine long ,waffle free, days" she smiles stuffing the last of the first pastry in her mouth.

He laughs, then his face turns serious "It's certainly gonna be nine days too long for me."

She smiles "I know. But, it'll fly past, I promise"  
  
She leans her forehead against his, and they stare at each other. He takes hold of her cheek in his hand before they kiss, again. Their tongues wrestle with each other and he can taste the waffle she's been eating.   
  
He smiles, wickedly, before snatching the other waffle from her plate, stuffing it into his own mouth.

"Hey!!!" she shrieks "Clay, that was mine!!! Oh my god!!” she laughs “ I .. I don't believe you did that" she growls at him.   
He's trying not to laugh but he nearly chokes, unable to speak. His mouth filled with the sweet pastry. As he finishes it, he gives her an intense stare "You know I'll get you as many waffles as you want. If you're gonna come back when you're done."

"Oh, there see....I knew there was a reason I liked you” she smiles, gently placing her lips against his “Just know, I want lots…. I mean _lots_ of your waffles"   
She leans forward and they kiss and forgetting where they are, the company they have, she runs her hand over his groin.

"Urggghh.... oh my god! Can you two just stop!!! This is so disturbing to watch" Sonny groans as he puts his plate down on the kitchen countertop.

Clay frowns annoyed "You know Sonny, you don't have to be here. We didn't actually ask you to come. So, you know where the door is!"

"Hey what the hell are you trying to say? That you don't want me here?"

Clay looks at Kelsey and they both smile "Well.. " Clay stares at him " actually, that’s exactly....."

"Actually .... " Kelsey interrupts " What Clay's trying to say, is you're right. We should stop, and Sonny, you're welcome here anytime" she smiles at both of them

"See... I told you, I like her Clay. You, on the other hand.. not so much!"


	6. I'm sorry Clay

As they enter the bar Kelsey takes a deep, nervous, breath in "You know Clay, this really isn't a good idea"

"Shh! It's gonna be fine" he pulls his arm around her neck and kisses her "Don't worry, okay. Just trust me" he smiles "C'mon, let's get a beer first"

Sonny's at the bar already ordering "Hey, what do you want? I'm getting them in for the guys"

"Err... two of what you're havin, Cheers"

Sonny turns looking at Kelsey, he doesn't say a word just eyeing her up and down which makes her feel even more uncomfortable. She watches him but neither of them says a word. It feels like he's reading her thoughts and it makes her more nervous.

"Hey um.... Jace and the guys are over by the dart board." Sonny points behind him "If you wanna head over."

It's Clay's turn to take the nervous breath as he bites his lip and smiles apprehensively at Kelsey "Yeah sure"

"Wait, what!?" she frowns, disapprovingly questioning him "The rest of your team is here? Did you know that? That they were going to be here."

"Um ..well err....kinda, I mean they usually are." he can see the horrified look of concern on her face "Don't worry, okay. They're gonna like you."

"It's not liking me that I'm worried about" she sighs, scowling at him. "Clay, this is stupidity and I can't believe you brought me here. I thought it was just gonna be us, and him" she indicates at Sonny

"Look, it's fine." he leans in, kissing her, snaking his arm around her waist, holding her tight to him "Really it will be fine" he smiles and whispers in her ear "Just relax"

"Just relax! What the hell, how can I relax" she sighs "I'm telling you this is a bad.. bad idea"

"C'mon" he takes her by the hand, leading the way over to where the guys are all congregated. He smiles as they all turn and stare at the pair of them. Kelsey can feel the vibe of all seven pairs of eyes focusing on her, as they look around checking her over.   
  
"Um..guys" Clay apprehensively gets their attention "... this is um... Kelsey". Clay stutters as she grips his hand tighter to the chorus of hey's and hello's   
"um.. let me introduce this rabble" he smiles "We've um.... we've got Jason, Ray... Trent ..Brock. That at the back, is new boy Vic, and um... Sonny you've already met.... oooo and this guy " he smiles as "..this is Full metal"

"Hello" she flashes a smile trying to appear confident in front of them all as they all pass glances back and forward between each other, mainly due to her accent. Then they smile as they look at Clay who's standing there grinning like a cat that got the cream.

They all look round to the sound of a long whistle that Full metal lets out under his breath "You know you were right" he whispers, nudging Sonny as he winks with a smile "Damn it man.. she's smokin'."

Kelsey smiles at him. Blushing awkwardly and biting the corner of her lip the way she does when she's nervous. He looks up at her, smiles and winks "Hey little lady, you err....you got any sisters you could introduce this way perhaps?"

Kelsey smiles again, this time trying not to laugh at his comment, as cheeks flush with a hot red color "No, I'm sorry, I'm afraid there's just me."

"Well that's a damn shame." Metal smiles "You know, you ever get bored of our blonde princess, then you just come calling this way."

Sonny smiles "No, no see Metal, you can't jump the queue, there. No, cos the Quinn, has got first dibs. If this young stud... "He smacks Clay hard on the shoulder "if he should falter in his duties and the lovely Kelsey wants to experience a real man. She only needs ask and I'm available. She can come check me out anytime she wants"

Clay shakes his head "Cheers Sonny. But I'm sure we'll be fine" He looks at Kelsey "See I told ya, don't take any notice of anything those two say"

She smiles as she grips at Clay's arm, pulling him against her.

"So...". Jason claps his hands together, breaking the awkward introductions part "Who's up for throwing some arrows for beers? Oh, and sorry but Clay's not having you on his team" He smiles at Kelsey "I've heard you Brits have this game as some kinda national sport, so you're on my team. Now, go get the beers Clay"

Clay nods and Kelsey smiles at him "Actually I just have to use the loo... sorry bathroom" she corrects herself noticing how everyone's frowning at her "So, I'll give you a hand with the beers, Clay"

They get to the bar and Clay grabs her by the waist, he has a huge grin on his face "See, I told you, they'd like you"

"Maybe" She smiles, looking over at where they guys are still sitting. Then wrapping her arms around his neck, she starts kissing him.

Jason looks at Sonny and Ray, then he looks over at them at the bar "Goldilocks seems keen on her. What do we all think?" he frowns, concentrating his stare watching them.

Sonny nods as he drinks from his bottle of beer. He's watching them as well "She's hot I'll give him that. I know I sure would if she was on offer but... I don't know, there's somethin'.... I'm not sure what it is but ... I feel like I'm missing somethin "  
  
He sips his beer again "But I do know one thing...I'm sure as hell fed up watching them fawn all over each other. I'm putting a stop to that right there!"

Ray smiles, as Sonny heads to the bar, then he looks around at Jason "Whats up man?"

"Nothing"  
  
"C'mon Jace, this is me. Something's bothering you, I can tell. Is it about her and Clay?"

"I don't know, maybe ... " he sighs, taking a long drink from his bottle "Oh, I don't know, call it my gut. I mean he seems all in, too much but um... does he seem shifty to you? Like he's avoiding questions. I don't know.. just sumthin don't feel right"

"Can't say I noticed brother, but what? You think he's up to something?"

"I don't know ... the pair of them just seem too good to be true" Jason sips his beer "Nah! It's probably nothing, just me. After Stella and that last one I guess I'm just be cautious"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

Sonny slaps Clay hard on the shoulder "What happened to getting these beers in?"

"Um... yeah sorry, we um... we got um... _talking _" Clay smiles awkwardly. He feels like Sonny's about to say something

"So, you like her right?"

"Yeah" Clay smiles "Yeah things are good"

Sonny nods " Right, so what? What's the problem here?"   
  
"Problem? No there's no problem, why?" Clay frowns, then trying to not look directly at Sonny he sips from his beer, while scanning around the room.

" I dunno I just ... I just get the feelin' there's something bothering you"

"Well, no! No, you're wrong" Clay smiles as he continues sipping his beer.

"Heyyyy Sonny my man!!!!"

Both Clay and Sonny turn around searching for the source of the English voices behind them. "Well, hey, hey! Harry....Jacob, how you doin'? "

"Yeah we're good" Harry looks at the barman indicating with his fingers for the two beers he wants.

"So, you come to take my money again?" Sonny laughs. He looks back at Clay who has a confused frown on his face "Oh sorry. Clay, this is Harry.... and this.... is Jacob. They're here to take my money" He smiles "playin' darts"

"They English?" Clay frowns, feeling even more confused how Sonny knows these guys.

"Ahh see you not the only one with the Brit friends" Sonny winks at him "Yeah they um... they Navy too. On the um.... carrier thats in port. The HMS Charles, oh Clay you know the one, been all over the TV"

Clay frowns apprehensively "Right yeah, um... sure. Pleased to meet you"

"You wanna game?" Sonny orders more beers at the bar "Hey Clay! I said you wanna play, darts with us?"

"Um... I um ... we should head off. We have a reservation but you um... get on don't worry about me"   
Clay looks around taking a deep breath as spots Kelsey heading back their way. He quickly wraps his arms around her waist as he turns her around, blocking her view.  
  
She frowns looking at his face "Clay, what's wrong?"

"I think we've got a bit of a problem" he frowns worried

"Problem? What probl...." she stops mid-sentence as she looks around to see Sonny then as he moves she see them "Oh shit!"

"Hey Kelsey! How are you? Haven't seen you for a couple of days Harry smiles at her and Sonny rounds quickly looking at the pair of them "So, is this why you've been hiding yourself away from the crew?" He nods and smiles at Clay.

"Hold up. You know each other?" Sonny frowns "Oh, I guess you Brits must all stick together" he laughs

Kelsey nods awkwardly, staring at Clay apprehensively. She can feel her heart beating so fast, as she starts to panic. Clay grips at her hand tighter trying to reassure her. "Something like that." she smiles awkwardly  
  
Harry sips his beer "Yeah um... no, we um... we work together. She's the officer in charge of our command section, we're um...communications techs, radar mainly. She's senior chief radar tech. We basically fix it when she breaks it" he and Jacob both laugh "Thing is she's quite good and doesn't break it that often"

She stifles a laugh as Sonny stares at her and Clay. She doesn't look at him because Sonny's face totally sums up his feelings. He stares getting Clay's attention this time "She's Navy?" he frowns

Clay looks away, closing his eyes, so he doesn't have to face the look Sonny's giving them. Plus, the fact he doesn't really know what to say so he just solemnly nods.

"Jeez Clay!" Sonny takes a breath and several sips of his beer "Alright!" he smiles as he turns and faces Jacob and Harry   
"Well that makes sense. Clay here's a friend of mine he um....he works in construction, the new apartments" Sonny swallows hard drinking his beer to kill the taste of his lie  
"So, I tell ya what, you go practice..." he points to the dart board in the corner "how you're gonna take my money. And we'll get some more beers and shots to bring over. I'll work on getting you drunk then I might win" he smiles, guiding them away from the bar, and away from Clay and Kelsey.

"Yeah sure why not" they smile. Harry apprehensively moves, he can't tell somethings going on but he's not really sure what " C'mon Jake... let's go practice. Not that we need it, nine months on that carrier gives us plenty of time. Kelsey..." he smiles " catch you tomorrow?"

She nods biting her lip "Yeah, yeah of course "

Sonny rounds on them now "WHAT the hell Clay!!! Yoga teacher!!? Are you sure? Jeez man" Sonny sighs, clenching his hand into a fist. He's right up in Clay's face "You lied to me man!"

Kelsey steps between them "Clay, we should go!"

"Yeah, yeah she's right!.... You should go! You know sumthin' Clay, I'm pissed with you. Oh, not cos of what you're doin', but the fact you didn't tell me. After everything, you still gave me some bullshit story. You sat there and lied"

"Sonny, I couldn't man. You know how it is"

"Yeah, yeah I do, and you know that. So, why the hell didn't you talk to me?"

Clay shrugs .

"Sonny, it's not Clay's fault, I. um..."

"Oh, and you... you shut your mouth" he angrily turns on Kelsey " I dont wanna hear from you. I...I knew you were too good to be true."

"Hey!" Clay pushes Sonny hard in the chest "Don't talk to her like that"

"What?" Sonny laughs "You gonna do somethin' are ya?"

"No, I'm just saying don't speak to her like that, this is not her fault. Look, we didn't know when we met, it just happened."

"Just happened?" Sonny laughs " But you didn't stop it either, you just carried on. Clay, do you know what the hell your risking here?"   
Sonny sighs, rubbing his hand over his face "Cos I don't think you do. Have you thought about the consequences if you get found out? And you will"

"Don't moralize me Sonny, not after what you did with... with Davis, you have no room to talk. What you did was way worse, we're not even in the same Navy, let alone the same team. I'm not even sure what we're doing is wrong"

Sonny takes a deep breath looking at the two of them. He then looks around at Jason and Ray and then at Jacob and Harry at the dart board   
"Well, I guess we don't wanna test that theory so...so you two need to get out of here. Before those two spill your news to Jason. Because he will be seriously pissed I can guarantee that."

"Yeah, you're right." Clay sighs as he looks over to where Jason and Ray are talking, they're also staring over, wondering what's going on. "We have a dinner reservation anyway"

"I'm sorry" Kelsey frowns as she smiles at Sonny "We didn't mean this to happen"

"Just go!" Sonny sighs "I'll cover for ya....For now!"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

Outside in the cool evening air and Kelsey starts shaking. She takes a deep breath "Fuck!!" she sighs "Aarrghhh! Shit I told you Clay, I told you this was a bad idea." She slumps down on the ground with head in her hands "Oh my god how close was that in there? I mean, what if he ...he says something?"

"Hey c'mon, he won't. Kelsey, come here" She gets up and he wraps his arms around her. "Trust me, Sonny won't say anything."

She sighs "And you're sure of that? Cos he seemed pretty mad that we lied to him"

"Like I say, trust me Sonny won't. It's me he's mad at not you, he'll calm down. I'll speak to him tomorrow. Please don't worry" He leans forward kissing her "C'mon let's get something to eat"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

"You want some more wine?" Clay frowns, as he watches her moving her pasta around on her plate but not eating anything "You okay? You're not eating much"

"Hmm.." she sighs "Um... yeah, yeah I'm fine. I was just thinking about things. You know um.. .being away next week and that" she smiles at him as he takes hold of her hand across the table

"I know" Clay nods. His phone bleeps and he takes it from his pocket. She watches him carefully as he looks at the text and frowns.

"Is everything alright? Who is it?"

"Um...it's Jason" he looks up and cautiously smiles at her as he sees the worried look on her face "Oh um.. . it's nothing, just him reminding me to be on time tomorrow, for the briefing"

"You gonna be in trouble?" she frowns

"Um... no I don't think so. No, no don't worry. Probably just get my ass kicked a bit " he laughs "Have to run a few hills and then he'll be fine" he smiles apprehensively and sips his wine.

"So, what did you do?" she puts her fork down on her plate, not finishing her meal, before taking a large gulp from the glass of water that's on the table.

"Oh, just .. just wasn't with it, on the mission. I guess, we didn't get much sleep did we" he laughs "Hey, don't worry okay." he smiles again "It's nothing about us, so just relax. I'll be fine."

She sighs a long sigh "You sure that Sonny won't say anything?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm sure. Sonny will be fine. Just trust me"

As she bites the corner of her lip, he can see she's concerned. She has a horrible nervous feeling building inside and it makes her feel sick. As he looks at her again she sighs and takes another sip of water trying to quench the nervous churning in her stomach.   
"Are you okay?" he frowns watching her

"Yeah. Um.. it's hot in here. Look, do you mind if we go? I ... I've got a long day tomorrow and need to get ready for next week so, if you don't mind can we just go back to yours?"

"You want _afters_?" His face breaks into a devilish, naughty smiles as he threads his fingers in hers

"_Afters?_" She smiles biting her lip again "Hmm .." she nods "..depends what you're offering? But yeah, I guess I could go for _afters,_ but not here"

He smiles "I'll get the check then"

"Okay. Look, I err... I'll just use the ladies, again. Then we'll go"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

She stands over the sink in the washroom taking a deep breath. She feels hot, anxious and nauseous, her heart's beating so hard and fast that she feels dizzy.   
  
She takes another deep breath looking up as the door to the stall behind her opens and she smiles at the woman who comes out.

"You okay?" the pretty lady asks. Smiling at her while she's stood there

"Um.. yes, yes I'm fine, thank you. It um...was just a bit hot in there. I just felt a bit sick and dizzy. But I'm fine"

"You're British" She smiles "I mean, your accent"

"Yeah, yeah it's a bit of a giveaway, isn't it " Kelsey smiles as she watches the woman rubbing her, now obvious, pregnant stomach "How long have you got to go?"

"Oh, um ... about four weeks. I wish it would hurry up and get here. I'm getting so uncomfortable and I can't stop peeing" she smiles.   
  
They both stand still at the sound of the loud crash as she accidently knocks her purse from the side counter, spilling the entire contents across the floor.  
"Oh hell!" She groans as she starts to attempt to bend down and pick up the items "Ohh!" she moans standing up holding her back.

"Here please, let me" Kelsey smiles starting to gather up the items on the floor.

"Oh, thank you. I'm so clumsy lately. My husband doesn't trust me with anything" she laughs. Kelsey smiles handing her the contents back. Pens, tissues, notebook, lipstick, vanity bag. She picks up the final two items a flashlight and box of tampons   
  
"He also says I'm a hoarder. I think I have to agree. I mean, look a flashlight and tampons? What on earth purpose could I have for those right now"?

The both laugh "I think I see his point" Kelsey smiles helping her put them back in the bag

"Thanks. Yeah .."she sighs "I really need to clear this purse out. I guess it'll be all diapers and wet wipes soon anyway."

"I'm sure it'll be great and as least you're ready for all emergencies" Kelsey smiles as they both continue to laugh.   
  
Then Kelsey a takes a deep breath feeling a little anxious again she lets out a long sigh, before looking at herself in the mirror. She wipes the small beads of sweat that are forming on her brow.

"Here..." the woman searches her purse, producing a small tin of sweets which she offers to Kelsey "Ginger I had them for morning sickness .. they take away that nauseous feeling, you get from anxiety as well and help if you're feeling a little faint"

"Oh, no thanks. I'm okay... I just have a lot on my mind "

"Alright, if you're sure. Well I best go. My husband will worry that I'm having this baby in here. He already panics whenever we step outside the house" She laughs "I mean no disrespect, but this is the last place I'd wanna have a baby"

Kelsey laughs "No, it's not ideal surroundings. Anyway, good luck with it all, and your husband"

"Good luck to you, he looks like a nice guy"

"Sorry what?" Kelsey frowns

"The guy you're with, he looks like a nice guy. Have you been together long?"

"No. No, not long.. but you're right, he is a nice guy"

Kelsey smiles as she watches her leave, turning back to stare at herself in the mirror. She takes another deep breath in, running the water and splashing it on her face. Then as she takes a paper towel and dries the water from her hands, she starts thinking about Sonny, about Clay, his text from Jason, about her training exercise next week and tomorrows briefing, it all starts making her feel anxious again.   
The sick feeling starts churning over in her stomach as she continues to stare at her reflection in the mirror. As she studies the look on her face she lets out a long sigh and closes her eyes "Oh god!!"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Hey, hey you okay? You've been in there a while" Clay frowns, watching her. She's not really listening, lost in her thoughts   
  
"Um.. yeah. Yeah um... some woman dropped her bag, I was um.. I was...helping her pick up the stuff " she hesitates thinking   
"Oh my god!" she picks up her jacket from the chair "Um.. I'm sorry, I um... I need to go! I have um... I have things to um ... do.... before tomorrow"   
She frowns as she hurries trying to put her arms in her jacket and picks up her bag from the floor "I'm sorry Clay... I um... I can't do this"

"Sorry what? Wait!! Kelsey what's wrong?" he frowns hurrying to pick up his own jacket as she heads towards the door "Wait!! Hang on" he pulls her back stopping her "Are you still worrying about Sonny? I told you, trust me, he's not going to say anything"

"No, I'm sorry Clay ... I need to um ...go. I ... this us ... I ...I just need to go, okay. Really I ... I can't stay."

"No! No wait, what the hell is this? Kelsey wait! " he shouts at her as she rushes to the door. He follows putting his hand on it to stop her leaving  
"Hey, hold on. Don't just go. What the hell's going on? A few minutes a go you were smiling, we were going back to mine, and now...now you're leaving? Just like that."

"Yeah, look I'm sorry.. but um . .. something came up .. I just.... I just need to go. I need to sort something, before tomorrow. I'll um... go back the Charles. I'll get my stuff from yours when I get back"

"No! No,you just wait. Kelsey please!"

She hurries down the sidewalk trying to hail a cab as Clay grabs his jacket from the restaurant seat. He runs after her, grabbing her by the arm and flagging the cab away before pulling her around to face him. "Now just wait! What the hell. Did I do something wrong?"   
He sighs rubbing his head, he's really confused "Is this still about Sonny or ...or about Harry and Jacob? You're worried they'll say something? Look, I get why you're worried, I do but this... this is crazy."   
  
He holds her looking her in the face, putting his lips to hers he kisses her "Look, let's just go back to the apartment. Whatever it is bothering you we can talk, just don't run away. I get it, I do but leaving like this it's not...."

"You don't understand Clay. I can't do this ... " She sucks in air trying to hold her emotions together and stop herself crying "I'm so sorry. This is not what I wanted. I..." She wipes a tear off her cheek as she struggles to get her words out "I'm sorry .. I .. " she sobs "Oh my god, I can't do this" she leans on his shoulder and breaks down crying.

Clay looks at her worried "Kelsey, what the hell is it? Jesus, has something happened? You were fine now this. What is it ? Tell me"

She shakes her head, staring him in the eyes "I ... I can't.... I'm sorry"   
  
She puts her hand up for another cab, but he pulls it down grabbing her pulling her back to him, he wraps his arms around her "Please just tell me what's happened"

She bites her lip in that way she does just staring at him. She's thinking, thinking about talking but she changes her mind, shaking her head in despair "I can't. I'm sorry, I didn't want this"

"Want what? For god sake..." he frowns angrily " just talk to me"

"I can't " she wipe the tears off her face, just staring at him. She so wants to speak but she's desperately holding back "I .. I don't know. I...can't"

He just keeps starting at her he grabs her shaking her, he's getting annoyed and even more angry now "You're freaking me out. Why the hell are you running away?"

"Oh god!" she closes her eyes, not looking at him as he lifts her chin "My um.... my.. oh shit!! How the hell did this happened? What were we thinking"?

"What were we thinking? About what?" Clay's so confused, she's making no sense, her words rambling out "What do you mean what were we thinking? About being together? Kelsey we're good together. Please, please just talk to me"

She grinds her teeth while she thinks "I'm sorry. I never meant this to happen. My.. my um ... " She takes a deep breath trying to compose herself "what I mean is I just realised"  
The tears stream down her face now and she struggles to make herself understood "That woman in the bathroom..." she takes a deep breath and now it just comes out "My period didn't come!" she puts her hand to her face, sobbing in to it "I can't do this. Oh god, I'm sorry"

"Wait what? Your what?" Clay stops talking he's just staring at her "Sorry, what ... what do you mean it didn't come?"

She takes a breath glaring at him "Oh for god sake Clay, wake up. My period, it's late. I missed it this month"

"What?" he still frowns, then the realization comes over him "Oh shit!!! Oh shit, are you saying...."? he looks around then whispers "..are saying you think you're pregnant"?

She bursts into tears nodding her head "I .. I don't know. I ..I .... oh my god how the hell could this happen?"

"Pregnant!!" he takes lets out a deep breath "What!!? I don't know, you tell me how this could happen?"   
Clay takes another breath "How the hell......" he frowns, staring at her confused "But... but you said you had that in control. I mean you said... you were taking birth control. I've seen you. So, I ... I mean how? Did you forget? What the .....Kelsey how the hell could you be so stupid!"

"No... no didn't miss any. I don't know ..." she shrugs, the tears streaming down her face "I am, I mean, I am careful. I mean, I know we didn't use other protection but... still I .. oh god I don't know .. I just don't know"   
  
She takes a breath pacing around trying to control her emotions "Oh Jesus, this can't be happening . I can't be having a baby, that just can't happen"

Clay takes a breath, he's not sure what to do but he can see how upset she is an he calms his anger "Okay, it's okay"   
He takes her in his arms, wrapping her tightly against him as she sobs into his shirt "C'mon it's gonna be okay. Look...." he sighs ".. let's just go back to the apartment, let's talk about this. Think it through"

She stares at him "What the hell am I going to do?"

"Look, are you sure? I mean, could it just be stress or tiredness something like that?" he shakes her but she's not listening "Kelsey, are you sure?"

"I don't know" she shrugs "I mean..um.. yeah maybe, I mean it's possible"

"Okay. C'mon, let's go. We can't talk here; we need to go back." They cross the street to where his truck is parked "Get in"

"Clay, I need to go. I needs some.... I have a briefing in the morning"

"Just get in. It's late, you can't go anywhere now, we ... we need to talk about this"

She closes the door to the truck, leaning against the inside. Putting her head against the glass, quietly closing her eyes. she lets out a long sigh "This can't be happening"


	7. It's not your decision

Clay unlocks and opens the door to his apartment, then they both, quietly, enter.  
  
Kelsey's tired. She throws the brown paper bag, she has in her hand, down on the kitchen countertop and lets out an exhausted sigh. Saying nothing she opens up the half-full bottle of wine that they'd started earlier and fills a glass, which she then hurriedly gulps down.  
  
She's been silent the whole way back. Not even saying a word when, at Clay's suggestion, they stopped at the 24-hour pharmacy to pick up a pregnancy test. She just looked at him, got out, purchased it and came back to the truck without as much as a comment about it.

Clay lays his keys on the table, also letting out a long sigh as he runs his hands through his hair. Unsure of what he's expected to say or do, he stands for a few moments just watching her.  
"Do you think that's a good idea?" he frowns, questioning her drinking the wine "I mean, do you think you should, drink? Given the circumstances."

She smiles, dismissively sneering at him "Why? What difference do you think it will make?"

Clay shrugs "I was just.. just thinking you know, about the ....the risks that's all. "

She laughs out loud, almost spitting the wine out "What?! Are you actually serious?" she frowns "_You_ don't think it's a good idea. What? In case I am pregnant?"  
  
She shakes her head and ignoring him she takes another large sip as he continues staring at her. She's so annoyed that he's even mentioned it, that in this moment, when she's upset and confused he's forcing the reality of the situation back onto her. "That's what you're saying isn't it? That it's not good for me, if I am pregnant" She laughs again, deliberately drinking the rest of the glass in one go.  
  
He looks away and closes his eyes, he knows in her anger and upset she's just trying to goad a reaction from him and so he bites his tongue and doesn't give her one.  
  
"You know Clay, it won't make a difference because...." she stares, watching him as he doesn't react to her provocation "..because, even _if _I am, pregnant, I'm not keeping it. You do understand that I can't have a baby"  
  
She wipes away the lone tear as it runs down her cheek. Sniffing back the others that are threatening to unleash, just like they did in the truck on the drive back.  
  
He ignores her and opens the brown paper bag, taking the test out, looking at it "Should we just get this done?" he says coldly trying to ignore her comments.

"Sorry,!" she sighs rubbing her head, regretful at the way she spoke to him "Clay, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. I just ...." She struggles to hold her tears, taking a deep breath, looking at the test he's holding. She closes her eyes, not wanting to contemplate the reality that they're having to do this. "I can't believe this. I mean, it's so humiliating. How could I be so bloody stupid?"  
  
She laughs at her own naivety, while pouring the last of the bottle of wine into the glass and drinking it "This is so embarrassing. Now....I have to pee on a stick, to find out just how stupid I really am"

Clay puts his hand on the top of her arms looking her in the eyes "Hey, c'mon you're not stupid. We just got caught out,we made a mistake, we're not the first. Look, whatever happens, we'll sort this, and we'll get through it."

"Made a mistake?!" she's incredulous with laughter "A mistake?!" she sighs "Is that what you call it? See, I'd call it a great big fuck up!" She takes a deep breath as tears start to leak from her closed eyes "Shit! This can't be happening, not now, not tonight. Not with this exercise next week. God, what the hell am I going to do"?

"Hey, come on. Don't cry, please" He wraps his arms tightly around her, holding her against his body, kissing the top of her head "I'm sure it's gonna be fine, okay. It's probably just stress or something. You were taking your birth control, so it's bound to be a false alarm. Right?"

"Right! Yeah. Yeah you're _right,_ I mean I guess it happens all the time. It's bound to be a false alarm" she takes a deep breath "No, you're right"

He looks down at her, softly caressing her lips with his kisses "Let's just do this and get it done, then we'll know what we're dealing with" he hands her the box with the test.

"You mean want me to do it right now?" she frowns apprehensively

"Might as well get it over, right?" He shrugs "There's no point in waiting?" He kisses her again, brushing her hair back from her face "Then we'll be able to relax, once we know it's nothing"

"Yeah!" she swallows hard, kissing him back "Yeah I'm sure you're right. Like you say I'm just getting worked up about nothing " she looks at the test again, smiling nervously at him " Okay, let's do it then."

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

She turns off the hot water tap and dries her hands before looking at the test stick laying, where she put it, on the edge of the sink.  
  
She sits herself down on the side of bath to wait. Unconsciously crossing her fingers and giving a long nervous sigh, as she tries to relax.  
  
Clay's knocks on the door and it makes her jump "You okay in there? .....Kelsey?" he frowns listening, concerned by the silence "Kelsey, are you okay in there?"

"Um.. yes, just give me a minute" she sniffs back the tears that have been rolling down her cheeks, the whole time she did the test.

"Okay. Sure thing. Just shout if you need anything" Clay runs his hand over his face, leaning his forehead against the door. He feels totally helpless and lets out a frustrated and despairingly long sigh "Oh god!! How the hell could this happen?"

Five more minutes go by and he looks at his watch. On the other side of the door Kelsey looks at hers. Taking a deep breath, she closes her eyes and picks the test up, in her now shaking hand.  
  
Slowly, she opens her eyes and glances down at it "Oh god!!!" she sighs, letting out a long breath, relaxing her body. Tears run down her cheek and drip from her chin.

"KELSEY!? Kelsey what is it? "Clay bangs hard on the door as he hears her cry "I'm coming in"  
  
He opens the door slowly, finding her still seated on the edge of the bath. She's rocking back and forward, tears rolling down her face.  
He looks at her first then noticing the test on the side of the sink, he picks it up. "Two blue lines?" He frowns looking at it " What does that mean?" She doesn't answer him, as he continues to stare at it. She looks at him sorrowfully with her big blue eyes "Kelsey, what does it mean?"  
  
He watches as she shakes her head "Oh god, Clay! What am I going to do?"

He looks at the test again "Does this mean you are?" he's shocked. He'd convinced himself that it was going to be a false alarm, so this takes him by surprise "Answer me."

"Yes!" She puts her hand to her mouth; she wants to cry out loud. Her chest hurts from trying to hold it all in "Yes. Yes, it means .....yes! Oh, oh god what the fuck am I going to do?"  
  
He scratches his head, pacing around while he tries to think. "Shit!!" he frowns looking at her sat on the edge of the bath crying "Come here" He wraps his arms around her holding her tight as she lets it all out "We'll sort this out, I promise. Come on, let's get out of this bathroom."

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

They sit silently on the edge of the bed. Neither of them has said a word for nearly twenty minutes. They just sit in silence, with Clay holding her tight against his chest.

"I need to go!" she suddenly stands up "I um.... I have this briefing in the morning, and I need to sort my uniform, for next week"

"What!?" Clay frowns "You can't seriously still be thinking of going on exercise next week?"

"Of course, I am" She laughs frowning at him "Clay it's my job." she sighs "What? Why are you looking at me like that?

"But...." he frowns "Kelsey we need to talk about this"

"Talk about what?" She sighs "Clay, don't get any ideas about me having a baby, because that is not happening"

He takes a moment trying to clear the thoughts in his head "But...Kelsey, like it or not you're pregnant and we... we need to talk about things. We can't do that if you're out at sea for nine days"

"Clay... you're not getting this, there is _nothing_ to talk about." she takes a breath, calming herself "As soon as I get back, I'm booking a termination. I told you I can't have a baby"

"I just... I just think we should think about this, it's a big decision for us"

"For us?? What the fuck! There is no _us_ in this, this is _my_ decision and I've decided"

"So, just like that? No thought, no discussion, you've made up your mind. You don't want to discuss it with me first?"

"What?" She laughs sarcastically "Why, what? You think we can have a baby?" She laughs again, angry with his response "Clay get real. If you hadn't noticed, you're a fucking Navy Seal. You... you get spun up every other day on some life or death mission and not to mention the fact I spend nine months of the year at sea, doing my job. How the _hell_ do we fit a baby in that lifestyle?"

"Ray and Naima manage it. Even Jason has kids. People do it. So why not us?"

"You're serious?" She laughs out loud "Oh my god you are! Clay, their wives are not on board a six-billion-pound war ship three quarters of the year!"

"Yeah but.. you know maybe there's other things, other things you could do. I mean stay in the Navy but... I don't know, but there must be something"

"Oh!!! Oh, I get it, you want me to give up my career? huh!" She shakes her head " No! No, if you want a baby so bad, then you give up your career"  
  
They stare at each other for a few moments as she scratches her head in frustration "Oh, damn... you forgot one thing, you forgot it's me that's pregnant, it's me got to have this baby, I mean it's not exactly as if you can. So, what happens to my career in the meantime while I'm having this baby for you, Hmm?" She sighs, she's so angry with him right now  
"You know what the Navy will do, when they find out? hmmm, do you? They'll send me back to a land base and at best case... _best case_, they'll find me a desk job. If they don't, then .. " she sighs again "No! No, this is not happening."  
  
He watches as she walks around the bedroom throwing all of her clothes into a bag. He rubs his head not sure what to do "So that's it? You're just going to leave with no discussion?"

She turns, snapping at him "There is _nothing_ to discuss! This conversation is done. Now, I have to go." she zips up her bag "If I've left anything I'll pick it up when I get back from exercise"

"Kelsey please! You can't do this. Don't do this, just stay. Talk to me"  
He sighs taking the bag from her hand and places it on the floor before wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight "Just stay for tonight. I'll drive you back in the morning"

Even though she'd regained her composure she's not sure what it is. The wine or her emotions but the sound of his voice and the comfort of his arms makes her cry again and she puts her arms around his waist as the tears begin to flow. He looks down at her, lifting her chin and he starts kissing her.  
  
Suddenly all their emotions overtake their bodies and he starts pulling her shirt over her head. Running his hands across the smooth skin of her back, before un-clipping her bra.

She smiles at him, grabbing his cheek, kissing him with force and need. He's pulling at the zip on her jeans before sliding them down. "Mmmm" she groans as his hand works its way across and around her breast, down her stomach and into her panties.

She frantically pulls at his belt, loosening it and he stops what he's doing, taking a moment to undo his pants dropping them down and leaving them on the floor.  
  
Then bending her over the bed he pulls her panties down as she parts her legs giving him room to slide his now swollen hard cock inside her from behind "Mmmm" she groans again as he thrusts hard filling her with all of him.  
She steadies herself, head down on the bed, while he thrusts back and forward into her hard. He finds her clit with his fingers and begins to circle making her moan in pleasure "Ahhh!....Oh god, mmmm Clay!".  
Everything they've been talking about, everything that's going on has now been put to the back of their minds as Clay peaks and cums hard inside her.

"Ahhh!" she groans out loud. Until finally exhausted by the sex she collapses to the bed.  
He smiles looking at her lying there , while he runs his hand softly over her butt, congratulating himself for making her cum so fast  
_Mmmm! God that felt good!_ at least it did to him, because he managed to release all his tension  
  
She frowns as the whole reality floods back into her conscious and she feels awkward and very naked, laid here in this position. She sighs before turning herself over, laying on the bed, flat on her back.

Clay gets in beside her and he can see the chill of Goosebumps on her skin. He pulls the quilt over the both of them and cuddles her, tight, against him. They lay her butt cupped in his groin his arms around her waist, stroking her skin. And though she resists for a while, it's not long before the exhaustion takes over and they're both sound asleep.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

Clay wakes. Checking the time on his phone "Four am!"  
  
He listens to the sounds he can hear and gathering his under shorts, from the floor he pulls them on, before heading to the kitchen. He run the tap, filling a glass with water.  
Turning it off, he heads back to the bathroom. Opening the door he can see her knelt on the floor beside the pan where he can tell she's been sick "Here I got you some water "  
  
He pulls her hair back from her face as she continues to retch over the toilet " Clay... don't look at me like this."

"It's okay! It's fine" he smiles trying to be helpful by offering the water to sip

She sits back on the floor, wiping the beading sweat from her head. The glass in her hand, sipping the water "Uhhh! Oh god" she looks at him "I need to get dressed. What time is it?"

"Just gone four"

"Shit!! I need to head back, we have this briefing at eight. I still have to get my uniform"

"I can drop you off if you want. Kelsey, you think you'll be okay to do this. The briefing I mean?"  
  
She takes a breath "I'll have to be. If I can just get through the next ten days, then I'll be fine. Oh god, not again!" she moves quickly to lean back over the pan as she feels the bile reach the back of her throat.

Clay just sits beside her stroking her back softly, unsure what to do. "Come, have a lie down for a minute"

She washes her mouth out in the sink and looks at herself in the mirror "Oh god, I look dreadful."

They lay on the bed his arm behind her neck and over her shoulder, while his hand makes soft gentle circles on the mound of her breast. It's comforting, and she closes her eyes enjoying it.  
  
Clay's leg is wrapped over her thigh and his other hand making soft stroking movements up her leg. He's laid on his side looking at her, as she lays flat against the bed not moving. Naked except for her black lace panties she has her eyes closed.  
  
His eyes gravitate towards her stomach and he moves his hand, gently caressing it.  
At first she enjoys the relaxing feeling of him sliding his hand gently over her softness but opening her eyes, she looks at him and she realises what he's doing. The movements of his hand back and forward slowly across her soft belly was nice.  
  
"Clay don't!" she snapped suddenly without warning  
  
They look at each other deep in the eyes, she knows what he's thinking as he holds his hand, on her midriff "Kelsey, just say you won't do anything. Not until we've talked about this."

She sighs, putting her hand on his to stop him moving it anymore "No!! No, I'm done talking. Clay, my minds made up and no amount of . ... this. Is going to change that."  
  
She sits up, running her hand through her hair. He grabs her putting both hands on her waist "Please.. "

"NO!" she snaps at him removing his hands "This,.. all of this..... it should never have happened. I was stupid and I should've known better. Did you know this, this with you, it's the first time I ever took a risk like this, and now ...now I've jeopardised my whole career, for a quick bunk up with you!" She sighs again, her face contorts as she tries, unsuccessfully, to not to cry again.

"Kelsey...." he's annoyed by her refusal to listen "That's my baby you're carrying. Don't I at least deserve some say, and not just cut me out from the decision"

She shakes her head "Don't do this again! I already explained, this is my decision, not yours!"

He frowns trying to get his breath "God! I don't believe you. Arghhhhh! This baby is mine as much as yours you can't just.... just.. decide to....." he sighs frustrated by her "Not without me having my say about it. Please ... all I'm asking is you don't do anything until you get back, until we've talked"

She leans over picking up her clothes from the floor, and she starts to get dressed  
"I'm not discussing this anymore My mind is made up!" She stares at him trying to hold her tears back "I'm sorry I have no choice and the longer I leave this... the harder it gets. I'm sorry but this isn't your choice"

He's trying to contain his anger, as he watches her pick up her bag and head to the door. He doesn't know what else to say, he's hurting so badly inside. "Kelsey!" he snaps "You go out of that door and.. ..and that's it! We're over, I mean it! You make this decision without me and I don't want to hear from you again, am I clear?!"  
  
His words just come streaming out and he's so angry and though it's only a threat, but she stands thinking about it. Watching him, the look on his face, his anger at her, it hurts. She sighs out loud because she's not really sure what to say  
  
"Okay!" she nods "Okay, I get it." she takes another deep breath "Then I'm sorry, I really am but.." she takes one last look, one last chance to think "Goodbye Clay."

As the door closes. He's stunned. His heart hurts and he crumples with his head in his hands to the floor. Leaning it back, he bangs it again and again against the wall behind  
  
"No!!!!" he screams "God no!!" he stares at the closed door while he runs his hand over his face, wiping the tears off his cheek "Kelsey, please. Please, come back!!"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**


	8. Can I talk to you?

"Clay!" Jason frowns, looking at his watch as he unlocks his cage door "This is early, even for you."

"Yeah, I know. I um... I couldn't sleep"

"Your woman keeping you awake at night?" a cheesy wry smile crosses his lips

"No, no it's not that." Clay frowns as he folds his T-shirt, putting it in his bag after changing into his uniform. "Jason, could I have a word?"

"Sure." Jason turns around frowning, folding his arms, he leans himself up against the metal grill of the cage. "What's going on, you alright? Clay, what’s wrong?"

"Look um .. before we go in there. I just wanted to say, that I know." He takes a deep breath "What I mean is, I know about the missteps on that mission. That, I wasn't on my A game, but um... I just wanted to tell you, I've got it in control and it won't happen again. So, whatever you're gonna say in there, I'll take it. And whatever the punishment, it's fine. I totally get it"  
  
He smiles awkwardly and lets out a deep breath "Well, that's it, that's all I wanted to say, really. I guess I'm holding my hands up, I got distracted. But like I said, it won't happen again, not now"

Jason bites his lip watching him. It's not normal for Clay to apologise, normally he has this arrogant way of justifying anything he does, but not this time. No, this time he really is apologising. Jason smiles as he wanders over to Clay's space and leans his shoulder on the door of Clay's cage. "Well, it's good to hear you say that but, this briefing, it's um... it's not about that. I mean, I didn't call it, this is Lindell's doing not mine. So .. " He smiles "just remind me I need to kick your ass on another day."

Clay sighs, he smiles but he's confused. He was sure this briefing was with regards to his, and Sonny's, cock ups.

"You okay?" Jason frowns. "I thought you'd be pleased, that I'm not the one butt kicking today. But the look on your face doesn't say that."

  
He's about to question him further when the door opens, and the rest of the team starts to file into the room.

"Um... yeah, I'm okay. Sorry, I just...I just thought this was about the mission" Clay smiles at Sonny and Ray. He hesitates, then he asks, " So, if it’s not about that, then what is it?"

"I have no idea. All Blackburn said was we needed to be here on time, and that there can be no fuck ups today. So, get yourself together. Oh and hey hows that yoga teacher of yours?" He laughs "Still keeping you up at night."

"No um.. no, that's over"

"Over? Oh wow! That was quick even by your standards. See,I had money on her being a keeper. Can't win them all I guess. Shame she seemed nice." Jason looks at his watch again " Oh well, c'mon best not keep them waiting."

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Right Gentlemen, heads up" Blackburn looks at the team as they sit staring at him from around the table "Captain Lindell will be explaining the situation. Then we'll be heading over to the briefing."

Everyone frowns. They look around, passing comments of confusion among themselves. "What's going on Eric? What briefing" Jason frowns, he's a little concerned that no one has given him a heads up about the situation in advance.

"Don't worry Jason, all will be explained. For now, let's just smarten ourselves up, cos cake eaters are gonna have their eyes all over us on this one. Mess ups are something we can't afford, otherwise this is gonna come back and bite us on the ass. So, let's just make the most of the opportunity and show why we're the best"

Captain Lindell stands at the back of the room. He smiles nodding acknowledgement "Well seems like Commander Blackburn has that covered. The rest will be discussed when we get to the briefing. All I wanna say is make DEVGRU, BRAVO and me, look good. Because I will be coming down _hard_ on any one of you who messes this up. My ass is on the line here, so that means your ass's are too." He looks at his watch "Alright let's get over there. Show we can't look smart then at least we can be on time"

"What the hell is this?" Jason frowns

Blackburn takes a deep breath "This .. this is going to be what hell feels like!"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

The helo hangar is set out with rows of chairs. There's a stage and podium all against the backdrop of projector screens. Jason and the team stand looking around, taking it all in   
  
"What the hell is going on here?" Jason looks at Ray, then from the corner of his eye he spots Beau, Fuller, from Charlie team. He's over by the seating with Alpha teams’ new leader, Adam Collins.  
  
The rest of Charlie and Alpha are standing around chatting, as are several of their senior Captains and Commanders, including Blackburn and Lindell.

"What the hell is going on here?" Sonny frowns. It's he and Ray who now exchange the confused glances as Jason leads them over to the rows of blue plastic chairs.  
  
"Hey, what's up Beau!" they exchange greetings, having not seen each other in quite some time "So, what the hell's going on here?

Beau leans in close and hushes his voice turning his back on the group of uniforms behind them.   
"So, um.... rumor is some big tier one training exercise. You know, helo extraction on water, fast rope on the rough and choppy cold ocean." he laughs "Supposedly they've even brought in some top pilots from Fort Rucker, as part of this.”   
He coughs checking over his shoulder that they’re not being overheard “They're saying…. That some high-ranking cake eaters are coming aboard for observations, and to kick an ass's that don't meet their standards"

"So why all the cloak and dagger? The US Navy going to an awful lot of trouble here, so why am I suspicious that there's more to it than just a training exercise. Who's house is holding the party?"

"Yeah well that's the kicker, this is a joint allied operation, seems we're going to sea with the British. Over there, they got Special air service units Major Wickham is lead officer."

Jason turns around to look. He recognizes the Major from the hijacked airline they last partnered on last year. “Okay, so I know him, that's a start”

“Yeah well, they’ve been operating off of the HMS Charles, you the know the carrier on the PR tour. Well that was a cover for this NATO exercise. We get to play war for nine days. They think we need the practize." Beau laughs out loud. He nods an acknowledgement as Adam joins them   
  
"Looks, like Beau's intel is checking out" he smiles at Jason, shaking hands "Seems the Brits are keen to show off their six-billion-dollar warship"

"Shit!" Jason lets out a sigh "So this is um... some chest puffing exercise, by the top brass"

"Yeah you could say that" Beau laughs "Anyway, we've been warned we better not fuck up or our ass's are getting seriously kicked. I'm up for a promotion, and I'll tell you this right now, I am not risking that. So, you two better tell your teams to watch their backs, cos Charlie is gonna be right on the money, even if it means dropping you two from a great height"

"Oh, you ain't gonna be kicking no one’s ass Beau, especially mine” Jason laughs “ Cos, Bravo are coming for you. You can count on it"

"Wouldn't have it any other way Jason." he smiles "Anyway, I'll catch up with you later. Looks like from Monday we’re gonna be stuck together for nine days, so plenty time to catch up"

  
Jason returns to the guys and he huddles them around him as the rows of seating start to fill up with a raft of varying uniforms and military decorations, all handshaking, and ass kissing.

Blackburn straightens his uniform "Right guys, That’s me up for the introductions. Wish me luck. Oh and please, just don't bring any attention to us while I'm gone, Lindell's already chewing my ear over this. And for god sake smarten up!"

"Jason, what's this about, brother" Ray frowns as he looks around.

Jason checks they're not being listened to "So, Beau says it’s some allied partnership exercise" He looks around, at the, nearly full, hall of uniforms "You see what were up against here. I need you all to be on your game. Fuller already warned me Charlie team are looking to pin their shit on us. So, let's make sure we get in there first. Let's not fuck this up”

"Hey Jace, allied partners? What the hell's that about" Sonny frowns

"Well seems we'll be asking Clay for some tips on how to deal with the Brits." He laughs "Pity you're not still seeing that fiery yoga teacher, she might have come in handy right now. Seeing as we gonna be spending next week on that British carrier"

For the first time Jason’s words snap Clay out of the deep dark space in his head, where he's been lost all morning "Sorry, what? What do you mean, spending time on the carrier?"

"This partnership operation, Beau say's they’re running it from on board the HMS Charles, that Brit ship that’s been all over the news recently”

"It is?" Clay takes a deep breath; a sudden pulse of adrenaline runs through is body as the thought of seeing and being near Kelsey excites him.  
His face must be showing it because Sonny is staring at him.  
  
"Clay what the hell's wrong with you today?" Jason frowns, he can tell Clay's not on his game yet and his thoughts are somewhere far away "You said you'd got this all sorted. So, get it in hand. I don't want no mess ups here"

"Alright let’s take some seats" Blackburn’s back and he's sweating with nerves.   
  
They take up a row of seats near the back, just as a raft of new white uniforms start to arrive to the stage. They soon fill up rows at the back behind the podium, in front of the screens which are now lit up with projections of Royal Navy insignia.

Jason’s pacing around and everyone one is on heightened nerves. Blackburn and Lindell can be seen at the front row of seating doing lots of shaking of hands.

Clay becomes agitated he's still pacing, watching as the room fills up. Checking out each person as they arrive and scanning the room. His hearts beating and he wonders if she’s here somewhere.

“You alright?” Sonny chews on his gum as he watches the look on Clay's face.  
  
Clay looks down unable to make eye contact "Yeah I'm good. Why shouldn’t I be?"

They both look at the platform, as music starts to sound out, and a promotional film for the HMS Charles starts to play. The music stops and there’s a round of applause as fifteen new blue and gold uniformed officers make the next line behind the podium on the stage.

Bravo take up positions in front of their seats and like everyone else in the room they’re not sitting just standing to attention in front of them. Jason notices that they do look slightly under dressed in their camouflage fatigues. When they were told they were getting spun up this is not what they had in mind.

Clay takes a deep breath as he watches, what he makes a guess, are some of the officers from the bridge of the Carrier.  
_Kelsey!_ he smiles, watching as she marches on to the stage with the others. His heart misses a few beats as he watches her standing there in her uniform. "Oh my god!"  
  
Then Vice Admiral Johnson, the captain of the HMS Charles, arrives. He's greeted by Virginia Beach commander Captain Hewitt.  
They exchange introductions with the crew and then the Vice admiral comes to the podium and begins to address the room. He tells everyone to now be seated.

Jason doesn't say a word. But the breath he takes, and the atmosphere is like a thick fog. The look he now gives Clay says it all. It tells him exactly what they can now see right in front of their faces. Clay’s ‘Yoga teacher’ in a uniform.  
  


Kelsey closes her eyes. It doesn’t take long for her to spot Clay in the sea of faces staring at them. She quietly whispers to Lieutenant Jones who's stood next to her "What are DEVGRU teams doing here?"

Jones looks around, hesitating, then in hushed tones she answers "They um... they're part of this exercise. I was told they've brought in some helo pilots from Fort Rucker and, though I’m yet to see them, two SAS units. We're sure gonna be cramped next week. They might need to stand some of us down.”

"Woah! This is really some massive operation. I had no idea they were going this far" she frowns

"Yeh the cake eaters are playing my warship's bigger than yours. But then the money they spent on our baby I guess they need to show her off"

Kelsey closes her eyes, if she wasn't feeling sick before, she is now, and she wishes she could adjust her uniform. It feels tight around her neck making her feel hot, and dizzy. She gives a deep sigh out and long slow breath in.

"You okay" Jones frowns at her "You know you look a bit pale. You sure you’re alright "

“Yeah, yeah I’m good. Just wish this was over” she smiles  
  


Their Commander, Bramwell, who's stood behind them, leans forward interrupting their conversation “Is there a problem here ladies?”

“Um.. No Sir” Kelsey darts a concerned look at Jones. They feel awkward having now brought attention to themselves.

“No Sir. Well in that case, can we remain quiet please. The less attention we attract, the better for all of us. Am I clear?”

“Clear Sir”  
  
Kelsey and the others continue standing to attention. Well aware that the entire room is now focused on them. The Vice Admiral takes his position at the podium and there’s a hushed silence then a noticeable sigh of relief as he tells everyone to stand at ease.  
  
Those in the seating area sit down. Kelsey and the rest of the crew remain standing as the music booms again and the pictures of their carrier and its strike group flash around them on the screens.  
It’s very pride filling moment, and she smiles to herself as cheers go up from the crew of the Charles when the PR presentation finishes.  
  
She likes the fact that she’s part of this, but, now she’s distracted. Her eyes search the room, scanning through the decorated officers and various personnel, her gaze continuously weaving back and forward over the rows until she gets to the one where Clay is sitting. He smiles as he sees her look at him, probably because he’s focused so much on her, in fact she’s the only thing he’s been looking at.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

The briefing has been going for what seems like an eternity. She can’t remember but it must have a been a big parade somewhere the last time she stood still this long. The whole presentation is a big back patting exercise with an endless round of top brass taking turns to talk up their own operational units.

She takes a deep breath. She can feel the pressure of standing so long starting to tell on her body and she lets her mind wander away. She thinks about the exercise next week. Not only will they have the pressure of all the cake eaters, and press teams being onboard she’s also thinking about BRAVO and, Clay coming.  
  
She takes another deep breath; she’s really feeling uncomfortable. It’s so hot and it’s making her feel sick.  
  
Then they hear the words they’ve all been waiting for, the Commander who’s now speaking announces a break. She’s never been so relieved to hear the clatter of catering staff arriving.  
  
Jones smiles at her “Thank god!” she sighs under her breath.  
  
Kelsey smiles, still facing forward as they now stand to attention watching the senior officers leaving. Now she realises how desperately she needs the toilet.

As the Commanders depart and they are dismissed to “mingle” Jones looks at her watch “You want a drink?”

“Yeah can do. But first I _really_ need the ladies. How the hell long did that go on”

“Oh, don’t worry, they’re not finished yet. We’ve still got more to come.”

“Oh, you have to be kidding me.” Kelsey frowns

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

There’s so much noise in the room now, as everyone mixes. The officers start doing the rounds, making everyone feel included and Kelsey does her best to avoid getting caught up with any conversations. She makes her way across the crowded floor space to the back of the hangar, trying to get to the bathroom.  
  
She hurries. She feels unwell and undoes the button on her uniform collar as she tries to get some air, and as she closes the bathroom door shut, she lets out a long sigh.  
  
In the cubicle she leans her head back against the door. Taking long and slow deep breaths, trying to curb the wave of nausea “Oh god!!”  
Her body flushes with a cold sweat and she doubles over she can feel the churn and gurgle in her stomach, and she can’t hold. Lifting the seat, she retches, hard, over the pan.

She takes another breath before the wave comes again and the hot dizzy feeling is replaced by the cramp of her stomach and the choking feeling of being sick. She wipes her mouth and face with the paper and flushes before sitting herself on the closed lid, her head in her hands for a moment.  
  
As she leaves the sanctuary of the cubicle she looks at herself in the mirror “Oh god! “ she frowns “ Perhaps I should have eaten this morning”  
  
She closes her eyes, taking a moment to gather herself then washes her hands. As she looks up she notices the worried sympathetic smile from Lieutenant Jones as she comes out of the stall beside her “Are you okay? I mean couldn’t help hearing. Are you sick?”

“I’m okay” she smiles “I stupidly, didn’t have anything to eat this morning, and all that standing around I got bit lightheaded, that’s all. It’s nothing. I’ll be fine in a minute”

“You sure? Cos, I gotta say you don't look great. Maybe you’re coming down with something”

“I'm fine, I feel fine. I’ll get something to eat now and hopefully they won’t drone on so long second half” she smiles awkwardly.  
  
  
She can see the look on Jones face, as she smiles at her “Yeah, how bloody dull was that. Still at least we know what’s going on now, so that’s something”

“Yeah, though I’m not looking forward to all those cake eaters being onboard. Guess they’ll double bunk us all now, to accommodate them”

“Yeah, we’ll be sleeping in the corridors at this rate” Jones laughs. “Are you sure you're alright though? Maybe you need to get checked out. Do you want me to get anyone?

“No! No, I’m fine. I’m coming now.”

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

They make their way back across the hangar. Kelsey grabs a bottle of water, and a biscuit from one of the catering trolleys.“Pheww!” she takes a deep slow breath, turning around, sharply, as she feels a hand on her shoulder

“Kelsey. Can I talk to you?”

“Clay!!” she’s stunned seeing him, openly standing there in front of her “Oh my god, Clay!!”   
She looks around nervously, checking if anyone is looking at them “What the hell do you think you’re doing? Go away!” She starts to panic “Clay I mean it, get away from me.” Her eyes dart around the room “Are you stupid or what?”  
  
She starts to walk away but he follows her. “Kelsey, please, I need to talk to you. About this morning. I..I wanted to apologize. I didn't mean what I said about not wanting to see you again”

She stops and stares at him “I can’t actually believe you’re doing this, here.” Her head looks around checking again “Clay will you go away! You can't be here. If someone sees us”

“Please…. look just talk to me. Then I’ll go away”

“Are you actually using your brain right now. Have you looked around this room, at the uniforms? We can't do this here. Get away from me” she takes a breath, frustrated “ For god sake Clay… just fuck off!”

He frowns as the sharpness of her tone. He knows she’s right, this is stupid, but he just so desperately wants to speak to her. He sat the whole way through that presentation thinking about speaking to her “Alright I’ll go, but meet me, later. Come back to the apartment so we can talk. We need to talk about this, about us. Look, you still have some things you left, at least just come and get those” he smiles

That smile makes her soften, ever so slightly. She takes a breath “Clay just go away” As she walks away, she’s hit once again with a wave of nausea “Oh god! Not again.” She opens the bottle of water and takes a small sip.

“Are you okay?” Clay frowns “Kelsey, are you still sick?”  
  


“Oh jeez!” Sonny turns around from the group he’s talking with. He sighs looking up as he sees them “What the fuck is that dumb idiot doing now?”

Jason looks around as he hears Sonny’s comments. He nearly chokes on the bottle of water he’s drinking “What the hell, is he doing? Sonny get him the hell away from her. Seriously, if he thought I was gonna kick his ass before, that ain't nothing to what I’m gonna do now!”

“I'll sort him out, don't worry.”

“Get him back in line right now, before he brings any more attention this way”

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

“Hey there Clay!” Sonny slaps him, really hard, on his back. It makes him jump but gets his attention “What the hell’s going on here?” Sonny smiles, trying to make it all seem natural but he squeezes his hand really hard into the muscle on Clay’s shoulder as he frowns at Kelsey  
“You know Clay you’ve had some stupid ideas in your career, but this right here, right now, this has gotta take the prize for most stupid!”

“I told you Clay you need to go. Sonny’s right, this stupid you being here”

“Alright, but just say you’ll come later, and I’ll go, right now”

She stares at him and the she reluctantly nods “Okay. ....Maybe. I'll...I'll think about it. I’m not promising. Look, just go!”

He smiles “Thank you”

“Okay, Golden Boy, lets back it up. You need to move away. That’s Jason’s orders not mine. You are in so much shit right now, so let’s not make it worse.”  
  
Sonny stares Clay in the face, stepping between him and her. Clay doesn’t like being told what to do and he stands his ground and won't move as he and Sonny face off “Clay don't do this right now. not here. This is not gonna help anyone”

“But, you don't understand Sonny. There’s.. there’s things you don’t know. She um…. “ He rubs his head as she stares at him, shaking her head. She’s willing, begging, him not to say anything.

“ Oh, you know what dumb ass, I perfectly understand. But whatever little domestic you two have going on, I can assure you _now i_s not the place for it. So, move!”

“Hey, Sonny!!”  
  
“Oh hey man!” Sonny turns around staring Harry in the face “How are you?”  
  
Upon Harry’s arrival the seriousness of the situation hits Clay and he turns about face, walking away, much to both Kelsey, and Sonny's approval. he looks at Sonny, smiling awkwardly “Um… I need to go. I’ll catch you both later”

“So, Sonny, I hear you’re joining us for nine-day play date next week”

“Well you know, you needed the best so…here I am” Sonny laughs and jokes with Harry as he apprehensively watches Clay skulk away. Sonny can’t believe how stupid he was, confronting her in public like that. It worries him and makes him wonder why. What could be so important that Clay would even act like this.

  
Kelsey gets cornered by one of her Commanders and she’s dragged into an ongoing conversation with Blackburn and some other officers. She’s not really paying attention, more concerned with holding the contents of her stomach down, and checking over shoulder to where Clay is.  
He's now standing with the rest of his team but she can almost feel Jason’s eyes burning holes in her.  
  
The hot sick feeling resurfaces and she can feel the sweat beading on the bridge of her nose. It’s like a wave and the chatter all becomes background noise as she concentrates. Her mouth fills with saliva and as she turns around, wondering how far it is to the bathroom. Se notices Jason’s is still staring at her and it makes her nervous. She can’t help but keep glancing around at him.  
  
Then all of her nightmares come true as Blackburn calls him over “Master chief Hayes” He smiles as he introduces him to their group “This is the HMS Charles Commander, Lewis Bramwell, Lieutenant Jones and sub Lieutenant Roberts” they all shake his hand and Kelsey awkwardly acknowledges him.

“Sub Lieutenant pleased to meet you” Jason frowns, she can feel some sort of sarcastic reply coming but he doesn’t instead he just stares at her.

“So ..” the Commander continues “are you looking forward to coming aboard next week? There is big programme of events planned. And as you’ve seen from the presentation, we’ve brought in some top helo pilots. I certainly hope your men are going to make the most of this exercise, Master Chief”  
  
Jason smiles and nods as expected “Oh yeah, my men can’t wait to get started, Sir. They’re looking forward to getting to know your crew, much, better” his eyes glance up at Kelsey.  
  
She nervously closes her eyes; a rush of panic comes over her and she starts to sway. The sick feeling in stomach starts to gurgle and she takes slow deep breaths, concentrating on trying not to throw up.

Jones looks at her “Are you still not feeling well?” she frowns “Kelsey, are you still sick?”

“Sorry what?” she looks around feeling really lightheaded “um .. you know what, I’m just gonna sit down for a minute.”

Her line commander, Bramwell, looks at her “Are you unwell Lieutenant?”

“Um… No, I’m fine Sir, I just… I just didn't have much to eat this morning and err.. all this standing around, you know ..I’ll be fine” She rubs at her forehead as her cheeks flush with hot red color, her heart starts to beat faster and she can’t shake the feeling of nausea.

The Commander can see the color in her face go from bright red to deathly pale “ Roberts, why don’t we sit you down for a minute ”  
  
They all frown with concern as she starts to sway, the room spins and she really thinks she might throw up or faint “No! No, I just need to use the bathroom.”  
She looks around the now spinning room. Trying to focus, imagining how embarrassing it will be in a room full of officers if she passes out “Sir, I don' t wanna make a fuss”

“Lieutenant, I think you need to sit down” he looks at Jones “Can we get some medical attention over here?”

Jason turns around and trying to be helpful he calls Trent to offer assistance. They pull up the nearest plastic chair, but she refuses to sit.  
  
Trent looks her in the face, he can see the vacant look in her eyes “Kelsey, can you tell me how you feel?” he takes hold of her cheek to have a feel of her neck. She sways, and he just catches her, keeping her balanced, then he sits her down in the chair behind.  
“Just sit, take a minute. Can we get some water here?”

“Really, I’m fine “ she can’t keep him in focus, and she adjusts the collar of her uniform.  
  
Them all crowding around her is making her feel claustrophobic “ I said I’m fine. I just need some air. Like I said I just didn't have anything to eat this morning”  
She takes a deep breath, feeling the bile churning over in her stomach “Sorry I need to . . I think I’m gonna be sick. You need to excuse me”

“Lieutenant Jones go with her, then take her on to the medical unit. Get the MO from the Charles to come down and check her over. I want to be ensured everyone is one hundred percent for Monday. We can’t afford any sickness going around”

“Sir, I’ll be fine. It’s um.. not catching. I..I just didn't get much sleep or eat that all. Just some air and freshen up”

“Just do as I’ve said. That’s an order Lieutenant. We can’t afford to take any chances. You’ve seen the planning that’s gone into this”

“Yes Sir” she reluctantly nods. Jones helps her up and they head to the bathroom.

Trent nods “I'll come check she's alright. Like she says if she hasn’t eaten it may just be a drop in blood sugar from standing that length of time”

Clay frowns, he’s on edge watching. He takes complete leave of his senses and turns to follow them.  
Sonny makes the intervention, stepping in front of him "Hey, don't be a dumb ass” he frowns “Trent’s got this, you just stay where you are."

Clay struggles to keep himself calm wondering what’s going on with her "Sonny you don't understand. She ..” he sighs, he’s struggling to keep his secret in.

“Look Clay, they have it under control. You just keep your stupidity in line, before you get everyone in trouble, including her. She’ll be fine, now like I said just leave it be.”

“Sonny ....” Clay hushes his voice, he desperately wants to say something, confide in someone. He’s worried about her and he needs to tell someone how he’s feeling, but he’s scared. Scared if the truth came out, worried what Sonny would say and also worried what Kelsey would say about him telling someone, when she specifically asked him not to.

“Look Clay, I already told you, this would end in tears. So, do yourselves a favor and leave her be.” Sonny rubs his head he can see the anxiety in Clay’s face “Jeez! This …this is why no good can come from you and her. Hey, and don't be getting any ideas about being on this boat with her next week. cos I’m gonna be keeping our wise ass in check, do you understand me?”

“I can’t leave it Sonny.” Clay closes his eyes trying to get a grip on how he feels “There’s…”

“There's what? What Clay? What possible reason could you have to jeopardize your whole career right at this moment. You're only lucky you're here and Jason can’t unleash on you yet, cos believe me Jason gonna be caning your ass for this. He is as mad as hell, for you lying to him”

Clay takes a breath “You really don't understand Sonny “ he leans in closer, closing his eyes, taking a breath. Then he just says it, he doesn’t keep quiet anymore “She’s pregnant!”

Sonny’s mouth drops open and he looks around wanting to make sure no one else heard him “She’s what?!” he rubs his head taking several moments of just staring at Clay in disbelief “What the hell? And it’s yours?”  
  
Clay frowns annoyed at him "What? Yeah, yeah of course it mine? Why the hell would you ask that?”

“Oh my god, you pair of dumb fucks. Clay..” as much as Sonny wants to ball him out he gets a grip on his senses as he realises where they are “… did you not even consider using protection?”

“We um... look don't start alright. You think we’re that stupid. She was taking birth control. Things just happened; I don’t know how”

“You don't know how? Clay how old are you. Jesus Christ. So, what are you going to do?”

“Do? What do you mean, do?”

“Clay, you can’t have a baby. So, what you gonna do about it?”

“Thanks. You know you sound like her. I thought you might be supportive, like on my side”

“I am on your side but get real Clay you can’t look after a baby. So, what she don’t wanna have it either?”

Clay shakes his head. The look on his face says how cut up he is “No, she said she’s gonna have an abortion, when we get back. I just wanted to talk to her about it. I wanted to think, not rush it. But she won’t listen” he sighs “That why I wanted to talk to her, I just …... she just cut me off. said it’ll be the end to her career, and she can't go through with it . I just want her to think about it that’s all”

“Well you know, sounds like shes speaking sense to me. I mean you not exactly equipped, for a baby, are you?”  
The look on Clay’s face when he says this causes Sonny concern “Wait, you want this baby?” Sonny frowns he can see how much this is affecting him how much he wants it “Clay.. you can’t be serious, man. How the hell…are you gonna have a baby”

“Ray does it. So did Jason”

“Oh…oh c’mon man, you know that’s totally different” Sonny sighs, looking around. “Look, this is not the time or place for this. But you’re sure? I mean she’s done a test. It’s not just a false alarm”  
  
“No, no, we did a test. What am I gonna do Sonny? How do I make her listen?”

Sonny rubs his face “Shit!” he looks at Clay he can see the hurt in his face “Well it does sound like you two need to have a, long, talk. You need to be honest about the way you feel.”

“I can't stop her though, can I. I mean really I know she’s right. A baby is a huge thing, a massive change for both of us but …but I don't know, I just .. I like her, a lot, and now it’s here, the whole idea of it. Well it’s something special Sonny. Maybe it was meant to be.”  
  
Sonny nods, he's not really sure what to advise but he can see where both of them are coming from.

They both look around as they hear the microphones again and see everyone taking their seats . Clay looks around as Kelsey doesn’t come back. His mind leaves the room as the presentation get ready to start again.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Kelsey sighs leaning her head in her hands while she waits in the corridor outside the Medical officer’s room. The base medical team signed over after she stopped being sick earlier. She’s so nervous and just keeps sigh and taking deep breaths

“Lieutenant Roberts?” The MO smiles at her “Would you like to come in”


	9. Are you leaving?

"Please take a seat." Captain Sherwood, the ships MO welcomes her into his office "Did the base MO tell you to bring a sample?"

She nods, sighing awkwardly, as she reluctantly places the small pot of urine on the desk in front of her.

"Good. Well, let's have a look at what's going on with you then, shall we." He smiles cautiously looking up reading the notes on his screen. "So, the base MO's notes say that you were still being sick when you were over there? So how long has that been going on for?"

"Um... a day or so, that's all. Maybe." she shrugs " But, I'm fine now. I was just a bit tired; I didn't sleep well and with all that standing it just meant I just got a bit lightheaded, that's all."   
She smiles "Really, I feel fine now. This is just wasting your time. I'm sure if I have something to eat and a good nights sleep then I'll be right as rain tomorrow"  
  
She smiles standing up from her seat as if she's about to leave. He looks up and frowns "Um...Lieutenant, we're not finished. Please sit down."   
He points at the chair in front of the desk. He can see how nervous she is and looks up at her, he smiles sympathetically, trying to reassure her. "Look, I'm sure you're right, that it is nothing, but unfortunately your diagnosis won't satisfy the Navy. I have orders that everyone must be one hundred percent for this exercise Monday, and the last thing we need, is a bout of sickness passing through the ranks. So, let's take a look and see what might be causing you to be unwell. This really won't take too long"   
  
He sighs, looking and reading the computer screen again "There's a little bit of paperwork we have to go through. You know what the Navy is like for tick boxes" He smiles "So, we'll get some of that out of the way, then I'll examine you. Any reason you're not sleeping and skipped eating or was it just because you were feeling sick? Maybe there's something worrying you, that I should be aware of? Perhaps the pressure of this exercise or something you've eaten in the last few days?"

"Look, Doctor... Captain Sherwood, I really don't want to waste your time. I'm fine, it was just all that standing earlier. I guess my blood sugar just got a little low"

"And you suffer with that? Low blood sugar" he turns to the screen "Diabetes? Anything like that?"

"Um.. no. No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm fine. I just need some food and a good night's sleep, that's all"

"Are you on any other medication? Sleeping tablets, over the counter meds, anything you don't normally take?"

"No. All I take is contraceptive pill"

"Okay, and you take that regularly and on time? "

"Um hmm" she nods apprehensively

"Okay" he clicks some boxes on his screen "And do you have a regular partner? A boyfriend back home."

"No. No boyfriend"

"But you do have, casual sexual partners? I mean the reason for the pill is for preventative reasons? When was the last time you had sexual intercourse. Was it recently?"

She blushes at the question "Yeah, um .. a few weeks. I mean I've been seeing someone, on and off for a few weeks"

"Onboard the ship?" he frowns

"No! Oh God no! No, I wouldn't. No, it's just a guy I met. He lives here, in Virginia Beach."

"Okay, well we'll take a few swabs, rule out STIs. So when was your last period?"

"What? No, um .. no, it's not like that. I mean, that's not necessary, and my period it was um..a couple of weeks ago" She swallows nervously and takes a deep breath. And as the lie comes out, she tries desperately not to make any eye contact with him.

"And they're regular? Your periods"

"Um hmm" she nods again. All these questions are making her anxious and she starts to feel sick again. She's going to have to hold it though. She can't take the chance of him knowing she's still unwell.

"Okay well let's take a look at you, and then we'll make some decisions. Why don't you get undressed from the waist down and we'll make a start? Then I'll run a couple of checks on this sample. We'' take some blood, as well while you're here"

"Really?" she frowns "Is all this necessary? I mean I just said it's cos I didn't eat. I really don't think I need all this attention. You must have other people you need to see. I mean this feels like I'm wasting your time"

He smiles" Relax, you're not wasting anyone's time. Besides it's my call and I'd like to get to the bottom of this. After all, I'm the doctor you wouldn't ask me for navigation advice would you?" he laughs at his attempt at a joke

She smiles awkwardly "It's just, seems a little over the top for an upset stomach. Is it really necessary?"

"Look Lieutenant, Kelsey, you know as well as I do how the Navy works. I have paperwork that I need to tick boxes on, and when I have then you can go back and do your thing. If it helps I'm sure you're right and there is nothing wrong. It's just a little form filling and a few routine checks. The last thing we need is you coming down with something and passing it around, and then them asking why I didn't check. Besides, if we think it's something that's likely to spread then we can quarantine you early, and that will save a lot of extra work. So, don't worry about wasting time."

"Okay" she nods, very reluctantly

"Oh, before we start, I see you had a course of antibiotics about seven weeks ago"

"Oh um.. yeah. That was nothing. In growing toenail that had an infection, but it's all cleared up now, it's fine."

"Okay then, well if you'd like to undress, from the wait down will be fine. Then lie down and if you can slide your bottom to the end of the couch. We'll get this over as quickly as we can."

She nervously takes her clothes off before laying back on the bed. She's listening to the rustling sounds of him opening packets and undoing tubs.   
  
For the sake of her modesty, she pulls the small blanket over her waist, to partially cover herself. Her heart sinks as she sees him take a pregnancy test stick and lay it on the tray. And she closes her eyes praying he doesn't use it. "I'll finish these tests in a moment"   
  
She hears the snap as he puts the latex gloves on. Then he's beside her at the couch, taking her pulse and blood pressure. He smiles. "Just try to relax. I'm just going to take a couple of swabs and then do a quick pelvic examination. I take it you've had one before?"

She nods. "Then as you know there may be a slight discomfort, but it shouldn't hurt. I'll try to get it over as quickly as possible "

Her nerves are obvious, her breaths slow and deep as she tries to keep the contents of her stomach down. Her heart feels like it's going to burst out of her chest as he presses gently over her stomach, feeling across and down her groin. She closes her eyes not watching.  
  
"Is there any tenderness or any pain anywhere there?"

"No."

"And your stomach doesn't hurt when I do this?"

"No"  
  
He frowns, concentrating as he presses along a line under her naval. She flinches slightly "Does that hurt?"

"Um.. no, no it just uncomfortable. It's fine"

"Okay and when did you say your last period was?"

"Um... a couple of weeks ago, I think. Not long. I can't exactly remember the date"

"But it was when you expected it "

"um hmm " she closes her eyes, nodding her lie.

"Well alright, if you could bend your knees for me then shuffle down to the edge of the couch. I'll take these swabs. It will feel slightly uncomfortable for a few minutes, but I'll try and make it quick. Then we'll do the pelvic examination after"

She closes her eyes and her face flushes with embarrassment as she draws her knees up.   
Her breathing is deep, her heart pounding with anxiety. She feels like screaming _I'm pregnant!_ Just to make this stop, but she keeps her mouth shut. As bad as it is,it's better he thinks she might have an STI, than know she's pregnant.   
  
She grimaces, feeling the cold ache of discomfort as he pushes the metal speculum inside her. Holding her breath at the unpleasant feeling as he takes the swabs, and then she breaths out, groaning with relief as he finally removes it "Aww!" she moans

" Everything alright?" he smiles "Fine. Well, that's the worst bit over. I'm just going to check your cervix, so again you may feel some discomfort. It shouldn't hurt but if it does let me know"

She swallows hard, holding her breath as she feels his gloved hand pressing inside her and the pressure on her stomach as he presses down firmly.   
  
He removes his fingers and frowns then changes his gloves. "I'm sorry but I just want to check that again. Could you just drop your knees slightly more apart for me." 

She keeps her eyes tight shut as she does as he asks, wondering what exactly he's checking for. She can feel the aching thrust of his fingers pushing inside her and his hand pressing down, this time, more firmly on her stomach. "And, okay we're done. Just take a minute and then you can get dressed" he sighs looking at her as he removes his gloves "So, tell me, your sexual partner, as far as you're aware he didn't have any problems?"

"No!" she takes a deep breath

"And did you use any other protection during intercourse, such as condoms?"

She doesn't answer as she watches him testing her urine with the test strip. He can see her frowning "Oh, just testing for sugars" He smiles "I don't think we need the pregnancy test, do we?"  
  
She looks at him slightly confused, as he turns around and stares at her "So... shall we start again. How long is it since your last period?"

She closes her eyes and a tear rolls down her cheek. Her lip quivers and she hesitates with her answer, but she knows she can't bluff this out any longer, because he knows. She takes as deep breath "About six, seven weeks" she sighs as the tears start to stream down her face. "Oh my god, how could this happen? I mean, I was on the pill"

"And you took it regularly, and on time? Didn't miss any you can remember"  
She nods as she looks at the sympathetic face he makes "You did realise though, that the antibiotics you were on, could affect the effectiveness of the contraceptive pill. The doctor that gave you them should have explained that. That you should have used other forms of contraception."

"Yeah. Yeah they did but ..but I just never thought about it. I mean, I never thought that they really would affect it. Oh god!" she stutters her breath as she starts crying.

"Why don't you get dressed then we'll talk about this. About what happens next, and options"

"I'm not having it!" she blurts out as she looks at him with a hard stare "This.....this baby, I'm not having it. I don't want it. I just want this over and to get back to work"

He nods "Get dressed. I'll get rid of these samples and then we'll talk it through"

As she pulls her knickers and trousers back on she can't stop crying. She sits up on the couch wiping her face before she re-joins him at the desk "So what now? What do I do now?"

"I send off report and they Navy will take due process."

"No! Please .." she sobs "I can sort this. No one needs to know. Can't you just get me an appointment, I mean arrange a termination. Nobody needs to know about this. I just wanna get it over. Get on with my job. Please, do you really have to tell them, if I'm not keeping it? I'm gonna sort it as soon as I get back from exercise"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't make it clear. You won't be going on exercise, Monday. I will be standing you down from active duty, from now"

"What?!" she frowns " But why? I mean it's not like we're at war or anything it's just a routine exercise"

"I'm sorry. I have orders. Anyone not one hundred percent is to be stood down. Look..." he sighs " if you're really sure you want a termination then you do have an option. I can send you back to the UK on two weeks sick leave. You can make necessary arrangements for the termination and as long as you are declared fit afterwards then you'll be able to return to duty. And I won't, for now, report this as an ongoing pregnancy"

She watches him staring, trying to get her head around what he's saying "Okay." she swallows nervously "Okay, um... yeah that sounds fine. It's not like I have any other options. But why do I have to go back to the UK? Why can't I just get it done here?"

"I'm sorry the Navy don't perform terminations, so it doesn't work like that. And as you're not a US citizen you would need to return. Lieutenant Roberts, this is a massive choice you're making. Are you completely sure you've thought this through? Have you discussed it with the father? Would he not be involved?"

"No, um.. no, he's not. No that's not possible"  
  
"Look, I'm well aware that you're concerned how it will affect your career, but you do need to give it some serious thought. The consequences of a decision like this are far reaching."  
  
"I have. I have thought about it, and I'm not keeping it. This is what I want. I can't give up my career, so I don't have any choices."

"Okay, well then, I can have you on the flight tomorrow afternoon and I'll um... give you the name of a clinic so you can arrange an appointment. I will send a letter of referral. I'm signing you off as of now. You will have two weeks. After that you will have to go through your commanding officer."

"Okay." she nods wiping the tears from her cheek "Thank you. Thank you for this. I'll make the arrangements"  
  
He smiles at her. "A couple of weeks and you'll be fine and be back to work. If that's what you want"

She nods "It is"

**o-o-o-o-o-o**

Clay answers the quiet knock at the door   
"Hey!" he smiles. His heart beats hard in his chest with excitement "You came. I wasn't sure if you were going to"

"I wasn't sure if I was going to" She smiles biting her lip "But you were right. We do need to talk, I have something to tell you, and you said I had some belongings here, that I need to pick up"

"Um .. yeah sure. Look, why don't you come in." he smiles "I'll um.. get your things they're in the bedroom. Just hold on, I just need to check my pizza it's in the oven"   
  
He smiles entering the kitchen where he takes the cooked pepperoni pizza out of the oven, cursing as he catches his hand on the hot rack, burning it slightly.

"You okay?" she frowns watching him.  
  
"Yeah I'm fine." He's excitedly nervous and pours a large glass of wine, drinking some to calm himself. Her being here is making his nerves jangle "Oh did you ...want .. one... " he hesitates, frowning as he stops speaking mid-sentence "Sorry stupid question"

She smiles awkwardly "Doesn't matter I didn't want one anyway. I seem to have gone off it. Tastes funny, like an awful metallic taste to it"

"Okay, well I'll...I'll get your things. But please why don't you sit down. I won't be a minute"

She wanders to the kitchen and looks at the pizza. She sighs as the wafting smell overwhelms her. Then unable to resist she breaks a piece off and stuffs it in her mouth   
"Oh god! Mmmm!!" she groans in pleasure at the taste. She feels ravenous and the pizza tastes so good. She quickly eats another slice "Oh god that is so good! Mm mmm !" her mouth salivates at the taste and she can't get enough. Then as she turns around, her mouth stuffed like she's starving, she sees Clay watching her.  
  
He's smiling. "I'm glad you're enjoying _my_ pizza" he laughs

She smiles awkwardly, almost choking on it "God, I'm so sorry. I just..... Wow! Look at what I'm doing. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to eat it like that" she laughs at her greed "God it tastes good. I haven't really been able to eat today; I've just felt so sick. But this tastes great"

"Hey.." he smiles "..it's okay. I'll get you a plate. Just eat. I can get something later."   
He brushes her hair back from her face "Kelsey, it's fine. C'mon here, have another piece. You need to eat. It's probably hormones making you hungry" he takes a breath "Sorry, sorry I didn't mean to say that. I'm not trying to pressure you. That's not what I meant"

She nods reassuringly "I know. You're right it is probably that."   
  
As much as she doesn't want to be, she has to accept, that for now she _is_ pregnant and with it comes the symptoms of pregnancy. Wiping her mouth, they sit themselves on the couch.   
  
She makes herself comfortable and he brings the plates over "Here have one" she puts a slice on a plate for him

"No, no you eat it. I'm not really that hungry" It's a lie he's starving having not eaten all day but he'd rather she eats. She needs it he doesn't.

"Clay please just eat" she smiles as he watches her.   
  
Taking the slice, she pushes it to his lips, and he bites a piece off, then takes it from her hand and puts it back on the plate. As he chews he watches her. "So, that a big exercise next week, and I get to come see where you work " he smiles

"Um hmm" she nods awkwardly "Um... can I get a glass of water please?"   
  
She changes the subject. She had told herself she was going to tell him about going back to the UK but now she's here with him. She just can't bring herself to tell him. She knows he won't be happy, and how they are, right now, being with him, it's too much of a nice a feeling to upset him.   
  
"Thanks" she drinks the water and stands the glass on the table.  
  
"Here wait... " he takes the paper napkin and wipes the corner of her mouth "..sauce!" he smiles   
  
She nods as she finishes the last piece of pizza, then she leans back against the couch pillows "Pheww! I'm stuffed now" she puts her hand on her stomach rubbing it.   
  
He's smiling as he watches her. She sits herself back, closing her eyes while she digests the pizza. He places his hand on top of her hand and holds it in place over her stomach "You know you can see "

"See?" She frowns "See what? That I'm fat from eating pizza" she laughs

"No.." he hesitates "..your baby belly. I mean um... only slightly, but there's more of a soft curve to your stomach now"

She smiles apprehensively not really knowing how to answer "Just probably all that pizza" she laughs

"No, it's not, and these." he smiles gently cupping his hand against her breast "They feel different. I noticed that the other day how great they feel"

"Clay please ..." she smiles, as she blushes " don't do this"

"I mean, they were beautiful before but now..." he gently moves his hand up to cup both of them.   
  
They're certainly more sensitive now, she does knows that and she flinches at his touch   
" Clay stop!"   
  
She smiles looking him in the eyes as he flashes her that really cute smile of his. Then he places his hand on her cheek, and brings his mouth to hers and kisses her.   
  
She pulls back away from him " Clay, Clay don't. We shouldn't do this"

"You know, you looked amazing today" he strokes her hair and cheek "Stood up there, in your uniform, so proud. I get why you'd find that hard to give that up" he smiles "But, you know, you look amazing like this too. I mean if you did, did give it up, even for a while, I'd look after you both. If that's what you're worried. I'm not my father I wouldn't leave you."

"Clay... " she sighs "I know you're not your father, but I'm sorry okay. If this could be any other way, but it can't. You're asking too much"   
  
She puts her hand on his cheek stroking it, leaning her forehead against his "I'm sorry, really I am. A different time and place and who knows" she sighs again "I know you're going to make a great dad, someday. A really great dad. And from what you've told me, you'll never be like yours. But this now, with me. It can't happen"

A tear rolls down his cheek, "So you've made up your mind. Is there nothing, nothing I can say to make you change it?"

She shakes her head "No, I'm so sorry"   
  
She kisses him, she can't get enough of him and he wraps his hand in her hair, pulling her towards him. They're now kissing, and kissing, like there's no one else in the world. She has tears streaming down her cheeks and he wipes them away, looking her deep in the eyes, smiling at her. "Clay, I need to tell you.. ."

"Shhh! Shhh, don't cry. Kelsey you're so beautiful and I want you so much."   
  
He leans in pushing her back against the couch. Unbuttoning her shirt and rubbing his hands over her breasts, feeling and kneading them ever so gently.   
  
"Mmmm" she groans as she lays back. She wants him so much, but her head is telling her to stop him. Stop this and tell him, the truth. She takes a deep breath as he stares at her. Working his hands down over her waist, before undoing the button her pants. She takes a deep breath, nervous, but full of desire for him. She smiles, watching him, running her hands through his curls, stroking his face.

"Do you wanna do this?" he looks at her, asking permission.   
  
She hesitates for moment, thinking about saying no, but then putting her hand to his cheek, stroking his face with her fingers she smiles and nods. Reaching up towards him, pulling his head to hers, she kisses him so passionately.   
  
He stands up and takes her by the hand, helping her up, before sweeping her off her feet and she squeals laughing, as he carries her in his arms to the bedroom, dropping her down onto bed. "Awww!" she closes her eyes as she goes down with thud.

"Oh god!" Clay frowns "I'm sorry, are you okay? Shit! I didn't mean to do that"

"Yeah I'm fine. I just wasn't expecting you to drop me like that" she laughs

"God, I'm so sorry I mean, there's nothing wrong is there?" he frowns "I didn't hurt you?"

She frowns seeing the concern in his face "No. No there's nothing wrong."   
  
She smiles thinking how sweet he is to worry like this. She undoes her pants, pulling them off then she lays back "Clay, come here" she smiles, willing him to her   
  
"I said come here!" She pulls at the collar on his shirt dragging him towards her and kisses him as he lays his body against hers. Then he stops, looking her in the eyes, she can see he's thinking as he brushes the loose strands of hair away from her face   
  
"Do you think we should do this? I mean, what about...." he looks at her stomach "I mean, I don't wanna hurt you"

"Clay don't be ridiculous." She frowns "You can't hurt me...it. I mean even if I was going ahead with it, then it's still okay to have sex" she smiles, laughing at his concern.   
  
It's the first time she's seen his anguish. That she can really see how much he wants this and for the first time she feels a pang of guilt over her decision "You can touch me. I won't break" she leans forward and kiss him reassuringly.

He nods, still apprehensive, as he runs his hands on her delicate skin. If he's honest the thought of making love to her scares him. But being this close makes him ache inside. Oh, his physical masculine side wants to fuck her so bad. His groin aching with a hardness and desire for her, but his heart is beating so fast with anxiety. He's worried about being responsible for causing her hurt, and if anything happened to the baby he couldn't live with it, especially if he can change her mind, about keeping it, in the next couple of days.   
  
His plan is to treat her so good, before they get deployed, that she won't want anything but to keep this baby.

He slips off his shorts and peels her knickers down her legs. Then running his hand between her soft folds he finds her clit and starts massaging it. She groans while she's lying back but then she sits herself up for a moment, undoes her bra, slipping it off.   
  
She sighs at the relief she feels, setting her breasts free from the tight constraint of her underwear. Then she starts kissing him again. His mouth working its way from her lips down her neck, over her chest then he latches his mouth to her soft, larger breasts   
  
"Mmmm!" he groans at the taste of her nipple in his mouth. Her flesh pressing against his. She's everything he wants right now. "Kelsey, I love you!" the words just spill out, wrapped in his lustful groans 

She smiles awkwardly, ignoring the words as she carries on kissing him, her tongue searching his mouth trying to silence him. All she wants right now is to fuck. She wants him inside her and she wants all the tension and stress gone. She wants to be lost in the moment of making love to him.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

Clay wakes to find her sitting on the edge of the bed. She's rubbing her breast gently. They over indulged and he got slightly carried away with the tweaking and sucking last night and now her breasts are tender.  
  
He sits up in the bed wrapping his arms around her from behind, stroking and kissing her shoulders gently before his hand works it's way around to her chest.   
  
She grimaces flinching at his touch on her aching sensitive nipple, and she pushes his hand off "Clay stop!"

"You okay?" he frowns concerned "Did I hurt you?"

"No, no I'll be okay, just a little sensitive I guess" she sighs "Look, I need a shower"

His hands are over her stomach, holding it but not making it too obvious what he's doing. He loves the new soft roundness of it  
  
"You want me to wash your back?" he smiles remembering how she loves his 'back washes'. Back washing which usually involves his mouth engaged between her legs, his tongue washing her clit. But today she's not feeling the lust for it, uninterested and lost in her thoughts  
  
"No, no I'm okay. Sorry " She sighs "I just wanna get cleaned up. I have to be somewhere"

"Okay" he frowns. He's concerned, he can tell she's upset and thinking about something "You want me to make you some breakfast then?"

"um hmm. Yeah, that would be good" 

A she he enters the living area Clay notices she's now dressed.   
  
"Oh!" He frowns "I thought we might have gone back to bed." His face crumples. Concerned when he notices the bag in her hand "Are you leaving?"

She nods "I um.. I have to go. I'm sorry, I . I should have said something last night"

"Said something? Said what?" His forehead is a map of deep lines "Kelsey, what's going on ? I thought you were going to stay the weekend. Stay until we leave on Monday"

She shakes her head "No sorry. Look you should know that I... I won't be on the exercise Monday because I won't be here"

"What? But why won't be here? You've done nothing but talk about this exercise since you got here, so why wouldn't you be on it ?"

"Because ... " she bites her lip awkwardly sighing "because the MO has stood me down from active duty, that's why" A large lump fills the space in her throat and her eyes well with hot tears.

"But I don't understand, why would they stand you down? So, we won't see each other next week?"  
  
She shakes her head again "No. No, we won't. We um... we won't see each other for a while"

"I don't get it. I don't understand"

She sighs long and hard "Because I'm on a flight to the UK this afternoon. The MO, he um.. he knows I'm pregnant"

"Oh! Oh hell! Did they fire you?" he frowns

"No!.. No not yet. He's relieved me of duty for two weeks, sick leave, He's arranged the flight to the UK so that I can .. can sort out a termination." she takes deep breath "Clay I...I have an appointment booked for Thursday next week"

Clay looks stunned as the floor falls from beneath him. "You've done what?!" He glares at her, shocked "No! No, you can't! I mean, I thought... I mean last night, I thought you being here, I thought it meant you were changing your mind."

"No. No, I wasn't changing my mind. I told you Clay; I don't have any choice. I have to do this." she sighs again " I .. I wanted to be with you last night, but I haven't changed my mind about the termination. I thought you understood that. It's not about us being together, because I do want to be with you"   
She takes a deep breath "Clay I'm sorry. I should have said something last night before we,before we slept together. I mean I planned to, I just... " she shrugs, biting her lip as her tears fill her eyes.

He's so angry with her now "Yeah, yeah you're right! You should have fuckin' said something" he puts his hands to his head, raking his nails in his hair. He wants to scream out loud " Oh my god!!" He can't get his breath "I can't believe you're actually going to do this."

She nods, her nose wrinkles up as the tears drip from her eyes. on to her cheek and off the edge of her chin. She reaches out putting her hand out to him "Clay, please...please I want you to understand. I don't want to go like this. I want you to support me. Don't make it so hard"

"I can't. Kelsey the truth is I don't want you to do this. I would have supported you, any way I could have done, if you'd keep this baby. But I can't support this. I've tried to understand, I really have. But is that uniform so important to you that you'd...." he closes his eyes he can't even say the words and the thought of what she's going to do really hurts "Just go. Go do whatever's so important to you. I don't care anymore"

She bites her lip the tears making her face wet, wiping her nose on the back of her hand. She's a wet snotty mess and her chest aches with the pain. She just wants him to hold her and tell it will be okay, but he turns his back waiting for her to leave.  
  
She picks up her bag and closes the door behind her.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

She looks at her watch as she enters the diner. Looking around, biting her lip, searching for him. _There he is! _ She walks over to where he's sitting and taps her nails on the back of the seat in front of him "Sonny" she nods acknowledging him

"Kelsey" He nods, offering the gesture to sit in the seat in front of him "You want a coffee?"

"No. No, I can't stay long. I um... I have a flight to catch"

He lets out a long deep breath watching as she pulls out the chair and sits herself down "Yeah, yeah I know. Clay told me"

She smiles awkwardly. Nodding "Yeah, yeah I guessed he would. And did he also tell you why?"

He nods but doesn't say anything as she looks away, slightly embarrassed, unable to make eye contact with him. That one pang of guilt she had last night hits her again as she watches him, judging her. "Is he alright?"

He sneers as he looks at her "What the hell do you think?"

"No, no I guess not." she sighs, close to tears " Look, please tell him I am sorry. This is not what I wanted either. I .. I just don't have any choice. So please don't come here to try and make me change my mind. Some sob story about Clay hurting. because I already know that"  
  
She sighs watching him, toying with the paper coffee cup in front of him "You know this... this, having a termination, it isn't easy for me either. But, I'm sorry. I have to do this. I worked too hard just to throw it all away on a stupid mistake"

"Is that really what Clay was to you, a stupid mistake?"

"No! God no! Clay was never that, but this..." she puts her hand to her stomach "..this was"

"Well you can relax. Cos I'm not here to talk you out of it. As I told Clay this morning when he was crying his heart into his breakfast with me. You already made your mind up, and aint no one talking you out of it"

She smiles "I'm glad you understand. Maybe one day, when it's not so fresh Clay will too" She pauses looking around the diner, staring at the other people sitting eating "So, um... if you're not here to talk me out of going ahead with it or to plead Clay's case, to make me feel guilty. Then what are you here for?"

Sonny smiles as he leans back in his chair drinking from his lidded take way cup "Oh no I think you misunderstand me. Just cos I aint gonna try and talk you out of it, it don't mean I agree with what you're doing" he frowns "I understand why you think you have to do it. Why you think it's what you want. Because you think your career is too important to keep a baby. I mean I know how hard you must have worked to get where you are. But don't misunderstand and think I agree with you, cos I don't"   
  
He sighs again taking the last sip from his coffee cup "But, you'll do what you gotta do. As we all do in life"

She frowns, she feels like he's judging her, judging her decision, even if he acts like he's trying to understand. She laughs, now curious to his motives "So then what did you want to see me for? I don't understand. If it's not to talk me out of it, then what?"

He smiles "Oh I'm here for one simple thing. I'm here for Clay. I'm here to ask you not to come back" he continues staring at her. She frowns confused "When you've done what you need to do, then don't contact him. Don't try and see him. Just leave him be. Let him get on with his life"   
  
They continue to sit across the table from each other, just staring. She nods. She understands him now, the motive behind what he's asking for.

  
"Oh, he'll call you; lots. There's no doubt in that, but I want you to ignore him. Sure, it'll eat at him for a while, but it'll get easier with time. But seeing you again, after you.... well after you've done that. That's something he won't cope with"

"But don't you think its Clay's choice? His decision to make, about whether he wants to see me or not?"

Sonny laughs " Oh you're funny. Says she who's making big decisions without him now. But then you wanna let Clay have a say. No! No, see it's best if you just stay the hell away from him."

She shakes her head " But I don't think I can do that. I can't do that ...because.... because I ... I..." she hesitates "I care about him too much"

Sonny laughs again "If you do, care about him, then you need to do what I'm asking. Leave him the hell alone. Let him move on and get on with his life. We'll be there for him. His brothers, BRAVO we will help him get over you. Oh, it won't be easy, and he won't get over what you're doing, but he will get over you."

"Seriously Sonny, you can't ask me to do this? I mean to not even talk to him. C'mon please. This is not fair. He's the only one I can talk to about this. He's the only one that knows what went on"

"Get a counselor then, if you need to talk, then get a counselor, job done! Don't involve him in your selfish neediness " He rubs his head, he's trying to remain tough but seeing the hurt in her face, her lip quivering and her eyes filled up with tears, it's not easy.   
  
He bangs his fist down hard on the table in frustration. It makes her, and the tables next to them, jump. "Oh, yeah I can! I _can a_sk you to do this. Because unlike you, I actually care about what happens to him after."   
  
He takes a breath trying to calm himself. "For god sake you don't see it do you. All of Clay's life he's felt abandoned and that he needs to prove something, to someone, to some mythical father figure. Me, Jason , the team... all the same. He has to prove he's the best. So, he wants to prove he can be the best father, better than Ash, and he'll do anything to prove it. But you know what, Clay's so far away from being his father, that he can't see it. In his head this child, you're carrying and him standing by you. This was his way of proving he's not Ash."

"Look, I'm not responsible for the issues Clay has about his father"

"No, no you're not, but if you loved him, the way that he loves you, the way he loves this baby. Then you'd do what you could to protect him. And right now, protecting him means that whatever happens now, you need to stay away "

She closes her eyes thinking, as Sonny's words sink in.

"You know, I don't wanna call you selfish, for what you're doing. No, I guess you have your reasons. So then don't be selfish with Clay's feelings. Put him before yourself this time."

She swallows hard, looking at her watch again "Okay!" She sighs and nods "I get it and I am sorry, for all of it. Just please...please try not to let him hate me too much" She lets one more deep breath out and turns to go "Oh, and Sonny.... for what it's worth, I do love him. Very much"   
  
She wipes the tear from her cheek and leaves the diner.


	10. Put the past behind you

Bam mm!_ Thud! _The metal lockers clatter and jolt, such is the force that Jason throws Clay back.

His grip locked around the collar of Clay's uniform as again he slams him hard against the changing room wall. "What the fuck was that all about?"  
Jason screams in his face, grabbing at the camouflage material, pulling him forward towards him.

Clay hangs his head He doesn't answer as Jason thrusts him backwards again. This time crashing him into the metal lockers behind.  
  
The rest of the team stand in the doorway; they feel awkward and even slightly embarrassed watching as the clash between them takes place. They all stay quiet, not speaking, even to each other, failing to defend Clay from Jason’s continual wrath.  
  
"Did you hear me? I said what the fuck was that about? Out there, on that helo?"

Clay's shoulders hunch in, what seems like, an unbothered shrug. "I don't know" His answer is meek, subdued and quiet.  
  
He does know what he did but he's not even going to bother answering back, because right now he really doesn't care how much Jason rants, or even how much he hurts him. In fact, he's hoping for more of the pain. Experiencing that thud against the wall is preferable to the pain that's going on in his heart right now.

"_I don't know_" Jason mocks the sound of his voice. He grinds his teeth, staring at Clay, searching his face, looking for some kind of remorse, something to say he registers what he did was stupid. Something that says that he knows he fucked up. But there isn't, there isn't even a hint of anything. He's just this downcast heap of human flesh that's absorbed in staring at his phone.  
  
The frown lines on Jason's face deepen and anyone can see from his expression just how angry he is "You don't know!" she sighs, smirking as he laughs, rubbing his head. Then taking a step back, he takes a breath trying to calm himself down.  
  
He turns around so he's facing the rest of the team. Collectively they hold their breath, braced for a torrent of abuse to come their way too  
  
"You hear that? The kid doesn't know" he smiles sarcastically " He doesn't know what the hell he did! Well you know what... " he sighs again ".. that's just great. I mean everything is fine, because Clay doesn't know. He doesn't know how he nearly killed the fucking helicopter crew by his stupidity and not listening to instructions"  
  
He takes a deep, sharp intake of breath while counting to three. Desperately trying to calm his anger. He can feel the hot, red, flush of stress in his face "What, you think those guys give you instructions just for the fun of it ? Hmm do you. You think you know better than them, is that what it is? "  
  
Clay lifts his pathetic sad looking eyes, glancing only quickly at Jason before he looks down again at the floor. He is listening ,but then again he's not taking it in. But he's actually enjoying being ranted at with the full force of Jason's rage. Getting shouted at is a welcome relief, it blocks out the thoughts going around in his head.

"You know I’m now gonna get my ass kicked and that's your doin'. And I'm not talking Blackburn or even Lindell type kick up the jacksy, no I’m talking a top brass ass whumping of the first degree. I already got Fuller laughing in my face out there and god knows what kinda sanctions they gonna put on us now. That's your second fuck up this week already Clay, where the hell is your head? No actually ..." Jason laughs condescendingly "I’ll tell you where it is shall I ? It's up your backside!"  
  
Jason takes deep slow breaths as he paces back and forth across the small cramped room. He's like a caged tiger watching to pounce. Clay skulks lower into the bench. It makes him seem even more pitiful than he did before.

"Look at you. You're pathetic Clay. You've not even got the balls to look at me when I’m yelling at you anymore?" Jason looks at the submissive looking huddle he now is "What the hell is wrong with you . You could have killed that winch man and all cos you're not concentrating. And what's with this continual need to look at your phone?!"  
  
In another outburst he knocks it out of Clay's hand. For the first time Clay looks up and stares at him "What you too busy trying to organize a leg over with your little Brit officer, up there. Is that what this is ? Hmmmm. She distracting you. You think you gonna sneak around in the night, slip her panties down for some fantasy fuck onboard ship?"

"Jace!! Stop it!" Sonny sighs, stepping between them. He's had enough now and pushes his way forward placing his body between the pair of them "Jay, that's enough.. he apologised what more can he do"

"Apologised?" Jason laughs "Are you serious? He's nowhere near apologised yet, and as for enough he's had enough when I say he has. You want some as well Sonny? Cos you know I got plenty to dish out."  
He takes another breath and grabs at Clay's body armor, pulling him to a standing position "Oh, I’m not finished with you yet. Get geared up, I want you in full kit. Sonny give him your pack"

Sonny frowns then slowly takes his rucksack off his back "You load Sonny's kit into yours, then you meet me up on the top deck. You may not have any hills to run but I make you run around this ship!"

"Jace, c'mon man. Two packs that's pushing it brother" Ray frowns "We're all tired, we've been training for three days nonstop. Man give the kid a break tonight. You wanna do this, then do it tomorrow. What the hell’s pushing him to exhaustion gonna achieve?"

"No! No Ray, he's gotta learn. He thinks he's the best well that little fuck up out there, that says to me he's not. So, he needs to go back to basics and learn the hard way"

Clay still doesn't move; he doesn't say a word just picks his phone up from the floor and looks at it. That only makes Jason even more angry, if that was even possible "Did you hear what I said?"

Clay nods and takes Sonny's pack from his hand. Sonny feels gutted. The guilt means he can’t even look at Clay. It makes him feel sick what Jason’s' gonna make him do. It's been bad enough them all carrying full kit all week, at the cake eaters demands, but now it’s all wet and twice as heavy and he wants to make Clay take two.  
  
"Jay c’mon man, give him a break. At least let him get something to eat first"

"What you think Clay? You like Sonny's idea? He right, you think I should let you get something to eat. You think I’m being too rough on you? " he frowns but Clay still doesn't say a word "What you got nothing, nothing to say for yourself?"

"No, I guess not." He finally replies with this sad resigned look on his face.

Sonny frowns willing Clay to defend himself. Say something meaningful "Clay what the hell’s wrong with you ? " he frowns

Clay smiles and for the first time he looks up and stares at Sonny. He has these big sad eyes "Why? It doesn't matter, nothing matters anymore. " he sighs "Do you know what day it is today, Sonny? "

"What?" both Sonny and Jason frown at Clay’s question. It catches Jason on off guard he's quiet and controlled and sad sounding and it wasn't what Jason was expecting  
"Day? what do you mean what day? What you mean like special day?" he shrugs" I don't know. Oh, what is it your birthday?" he frowns "Oh no! Did we forget Princess Clay's birthday, is that why he's all upset, why he can't keep his head right. What, you were expecting cake and candles?"

Clay shakes his head biting his quivering lip "No, it's Thursday!"

Jason frowns as he and Sonny exchange glances "Um... I hate to break it to you Blondie "Sonny laughs "But it's Wednesday! "

"God ..." Jason rubs his head "He's so out of it he can't even get the fucking day right! Jeez..."

"Here it is, but in the UK it's Thursday"

"What the fuck?!" Jason frowns "Clay have you totally lost it? I know we're on British ship but the last time I checked we're still on US time. What the hell is the big deal about it being Thursday? Clay are you having some kinda break down or something . You wanna unload" Jason's actually really serious now. Somethings not right and it is actually starting to worry him.

Sonny takes a deep, shocked breath and closes his eyes "Oh shit! Clay I’m sorry, I didn't think"

He lifts his head and nods as he looks Sonny in the eyes " You know she's probably done it by now" he gulps back his emotions

Jason shrugs looking at Ray wondering if anyone can offer him an explanation "Alright what the hell is going on here?"

"Jace just leave it man, okay. Let him have some peace, for tonight. You can take this up with him tomorrow"

"Why? Why should I. Sonny, what the hell's going on?"

"Cos I’m asking you to" Sonny stand in front of Clay like he's on guard duty, protecting him. His chest puffed out he faces Jason full on "Just leave him be for tonight!"

"No Sonny I want an explanation. His head's not in the game right now and I wanna know why . Is this something to do what that Brit chick? You know she got you so tied up in knots you can't do your job now"

"It's not that man"

"Alright Sonny, if it’s not that then what is it? Hmm. Cos you seem to know an awful lot more than me. So why don't you fill us all in ?"

"It' aint mine to tell"

Jason pushes Sonny aside "C'mon then golden boy, let’s hear it. What's got you so wrapped up you can't operate?"

Clay drops his eyes further to the floor. The lump in his throat hurts and he swallows trying to get rid of it "It's um... it's Kelsey, she ...

"Oh, here we go" Jason sighs "I knew this was about her. What she give you the clap or something?" he laughs, looking around at the others who are all standing stony faced not saying a word. Even Sonny who would normally be pulling his leg about this, is shaking his head telling Jason not to go there.  
Jason sighs, he can feel an atmosphere now. There is something actually wrong here and he softens his tone "Alright Clay, what is it?"

"She's not here. I mean, on the ship, she's not on it. She's... she's gone back to the UK"  
He takes a deep breath looking at his phone screen, checking it has become a bit of a habit now. "And now it's Thursday, and she has her appointment...Fuck!" Clay sighs " And there's me stuck here on this fuckin' boat and can't do anything about it"  
  
Clay's so angry the he punches the locker behind him, his knuckle splits open leaving blood on the grey metal door. He gasps, but just ignores the pain. Trent steps forward, he was going to attempt to look at it, but Jason indicates for him to wait.  
  
No one else moves and Clay doesn't look at any of them. He looks away, shaking his head. He feels this empty despair inside him, a void he can't fill. His eyes ache, swollen with hot tears but he makes sure he holds them back. He won't let any of them see him cry  
"Thursday ..." he sighs again "Thursday, the day she's going to ... to get rid of my.... our, our baby!"

The sharp intake of breath from Sonny fractures the silence but Jason just stands for a few moments, silently staring at him "She's gonna do what?" he frowns.

"She's having an abortion, it's booked for today, Thursday" He grits his teeth grinding them together with frustration before dropping his head in his hands as he slumps back down on to the bench. He wants to cry but he swallows it down back inside. He' ll save it, then like the rest of the week, he'll sob it into his pillow later.

"What?" Jason frowns " Wait, the Brit girl, the one in the uniform, she's having an...... Today?"

Clay nods. Jason looks at Sonny, who nods confirming "And you knew this?" he frowns at Sonny as he nods again "Shit! You got her pregnant and you didn't say anything?"

Clay shrugs "There was nothing I could do, she wouldn't listen. She'd made up her mind and said she couldn't lose her job over it. We made a mistake"

"Okay, well if that's what you decided, then I’m sorry, but hey, c'mon you probably made the right call. I mean it’s not like you're really equipped to look after a baby right now, is it"  
  
Jason looks around at the others who all stand heads down. He looks at Sonny, he's frowning looking awkward "What?" Jason frowns "Oh, what you're you worried she won’t go through with it? Is that what is about? That she'll wanna keep it and you'll have to step up. Well you should have thought about that before you went swimming without your wet suit."  
Jason sighs "Jeez Clay, how could you be so stupid?"

Clay can't hold it now and a tear now runs down his face. He can't help it because Jason's being so insensitive, his comments just open up the emotional tin, he's been holding the lid on till now. He stands up staring Jason in the face "Why the hell should I expect you to understand. You don't know anything!"

Jason’s mad because of the tone Clay uses towards him. He grabs at him again, pulling him around holding him close to his face "So, tell me then. What you get some girl pregnant then you fall apart? And then we're supposed to fall apart because of your stupidity!"

"You don't get it do you?" He shoves Jason back, making him loosen his grip on his armor. He's grinding his teeth in anger as he stares Jason in the face. "No, that's not it. I don't want her to do this. This is her choice and her choice alone. She wouldn't listen to me. But don't ever say I never wanted that baby!"  
His anger and hurt spills over and again he punches the locker, this time he really does hurt his hand and they can see by the dent in the front of door.

"What?" Jason frowns, he swings around looking at Sonny who nods "Wait, you want it ?"

"Yeah!" Clay takes a deep breath and slumps back on the bench, he's holding his bleeding hand, grimacing in pain . Trent steps over towards him taking some medical supplies from his kit bag, as he tries to look at it  
  
"Fuck!" Clay shakes his head, he's not sure if it’s the throbbing pain in his hand or the one in his head, he starts crying a deep from the gut sob. Sonny puts his hand on his shoulder trying to offer some comfort. The rest of the guys just stand there, looking at each other, not quite sure what to do.

Jason lets out another massive sigh, rubbing his hand on his stubble covered chin. His feelings towards Clay have turned from anger to a sympathetic guilt "Shit!! Clay, I’m sorry. You know, I didn't know. Why the hell didn't you talk to us? "  
He watches as Trent wraps the bandage expertly around Clay's bleeding knuckle. "You sure she's gonna go through with it? I mean do you think she'll change her mind; Have you called her?"

"No. No, she's not gonna change her mind I know that. It's no good calling her, I've tried all week, I've left countless messages and texts. I tried calling all last night, I didn't sleep but... nothing. She just won't answer me"

As he looks up staring at them, Sonny shuffles his feet with an awkward guilt "C'mon man I told ya, you have to forget about her now. You have to move on. You can't change things and we need to concentrate. Get this exercise back on the right track. Right Jace?" he frowns searching for some sort of agreement from Jason

"Yeah Sonny's right" Jason takes a breath "if she's not gonna change her mind. Then you're gonna have to accept her decision"

"You know I never thought about having kids. I mean with this job and all, it's not something that I really factored in. And yeah I'll admit that I was shocked when she first said she was pregnant, but I realised it wasn’t having the baby I was concerned about, more the situation. Her being on this ship, an officer, how we were gonna manage that.  
But, you know putting my hand on her stomach, knowing that was my baby was inside her...Oh my god, I've never felt anything like that feeling." He rubs his now bandaged hand through his hair "It feels like she's ripping my heart out"

"Hey, c’mon Clay, you can't feel like this man. This is not your fault it’s just..."

"It’s _just_ what Sonny? You gonna say what she's doing is okay. That it had to be done"

"No, no man that's not what I’m sayin' . Hey Clay, I don't like it any more than you do. I’m on your side." Sonny puts his hand on his shoulder firmly gripping it "But you also gotta accept that it's her body, her choice. She got a lot to lose here, not that I'm not sayin' that makes it right"

"I hate her!" Clay looks up at Jason and Sonny, then around the room at the other guys who are all staring at him " I can't help it, but I just hate her so much right now"

"I know. I know you do, but that's okay too"

Clay laughs softly "You know, I would have married her. I would have looked after them. I’m not Ash. I wouldn’t have left them, Sonny. Hell, I'd have given this up, is she'd asked me too"

Jason frowns. He's worried, hearing Clay talk like this, he really is hurting. Looking around at his team. They all look exhausted, and in need of a hot shower.  
  
He's calmed down from his anger earlier "Look, why don't we get cleaned up. Maybe go find those Brit pals of Sonny's. See if they know where to get some beers on this ship" He laughs as Ray frowns at him. Then he pats Clay reassuringly, on the shoulder "I’m sure everything will be okay"  
He smiles. But behind his reassurance the truth is he knows that it probably won't. That what's happened here will probably change Clay forever.

Blackburn's at the doorway. He has a stern but concerned look on his face as he watches their gathering "Everything alright here? he frowns  
  
Jason nods "Yeah everything's good"  
  
"Okay, well then I need you upstairs, now, Master Chief. Think you know, we're about to get a butt kicking of the highest order"

**o-o-o-o-o-o**

**2 Months after Kelsey left**

Jason pulls up a seat between Sonny and Ray at the bar. He picks up his beer. "So, how's the blonde bombshell doin ? Hit first base yet"

Sonny smiles. He looks around. Across from where they're sitting, on the other side of the bar, they're concentrated watching Clay.

"Oh, she’s a good one, sure got a lot of potential. The way she wiggles her ass and the,_ Oh, I don't know how to hold the pool cue_, routine." Sonny laughs "Yeah my money says, she's bound to hit a home run"

"Oh..." Jason high fives Sonny's hand "...so finally we have one with a...Oooh!" Jason stops talking, nudging Sonny. They smile as they watch the platinum blonde, kiss Clay  
  
"Oh yeah... yeah she definitely has the potential to end his dry spell!" They all clink their beers as they continue to watch them interacting with each other.

Clay looks over towards them smiling. His grinning face is a by-product of all the drinks Sonny's been plying him with.  
  
He weaves and staggers his way back over to the bar, to where they all sitting. Amused they watch him trying to navigate a path without knocking anything over. "Shud..we...." he slurs his words hardly able to hold his head up "get tweuila"

"What?" Sonny frowns at the mash of incoherent words

"More.... more tweila...twe..tweella shots"

"No." Sonny laughs now realising he's asking for more tequila shots "No, no more shots Clay. You're on a promise there with little Miss Blonde Bombshell so you don’t need to be dampening Mr Pecker any more than he probably already is"

"What?" Clay looks around staring at the blond girl by the pool table "Oh .. um .. you think she likes me?"

Ray spits out his beer laughing "Sonny how the hell much have you given him to drink? Brother, you do know that even if she takes him home now, he's not gonna be much use to her in that state"

Sonny shrugs "Hey, don't blame me. He's the one kept drinking it"

Jason frowns "He's wasted. He's more likely to throw his guts up, than get laid right now"

"Hey, I figured he needed a deep cleanse. I mean it’s been over two months since fitty Britty left, he needs to do something about getting his fire back. Besides buying her drinks is cheaper than getting him a hooker."  
He and Jason laugh as Ray shakes his head disappointed by the comment.

The blonde girl is over at the bar beside them now "Heyyy .. Clayyyy" she whines.  
It’s the type of sing song voice you wouldn’t want to listen to for long Sonny decides " You wanna come play with me again?" she flirts holding the pool cue, stroking her hand along the length of it

Clay looks up from the beer he's staring at on the bar. He can't drink any more "You know what, I need the men’s room"

She has his look of disappointment on her face and Sonny smiles at her. She’s very cute. A small petit, blond, with a huge chest. Sonny smiles at her again "You know if he don't wanna play with ya, then I will"

The girl smiles a really big smile, chewing her gum "You a seal too?"

"Strike out!" Jason frowns as he and Ray shake their heads "Sonny get rid of her. That’s not what Clay needs right now"

"Oh, Jason .... she's _exactly_ what Clay_ needs. _C'mon he needs to pop his cherry again, and by the looks of her, she's on to do just that" Jason and Ray are both looking at him "Oh, c'mon! Hell, he only needs to fuck, not fall in love."

They look around the bar. Clay's been gone awhile, and they spot him, clinging to the door frame. Weaving his way back to the bar managing to knock drinks off tables on his way.  
  
Jason laughs "It don't look like he's gonna be doing much of anything tonight! Sonny you really have to learn, he can't drink as much as you."

"Oh, hell!" he looks around, watching as Clay, now with sick down the front of his shirt, staggers his way back to the pool table. Then they hear a shriek and the sound of a hand slapping against cheek, as the girl picks up her bag.  
  
As she leaves she walks past them all " And you lot, you can all go to hell!. He's disgusting"

They all frown at each "What the hell did he say to her?"

Clay comes back to the bar rubbing his red cheek. He picks up the beer, but Sonny takes it from his hand " Whoa! ...Whoa there blondie. I think enough is enough!" he frowns as he smells the odour of vomit that down the front of Clay's shirt "Let’s um... " Sonny pulls a face of disgust. "...let’s get you home"

"Home!" Clay wraps his arm around Sonny's shoulders

"Yeah home, we need to clean you up and get you some sleep."  
  
"Okay, but first.. first I need to .." he puts his hand to his mouth "Oh god"  
  
Sonny can hear the sound of him starting to retch "Alright golden boy. Outside!!... Now!"  
  
He pushes him quickly to the exit, and they head into the cool air. Just as the freshness hits him, he heaves up the contents of his stomach, all over Sonny's shoes " Oh Jesus! What the hell Clay?"

Jason and Ray both laugh "You need a hand there, Sonny?"

"No, no I got this " He sighs " I created the monster, so I need to clean it up" He frowns shaking his head in disgust "I'm tellin' ya Clay, you better not heave in my truck or I'll kill ya"

Ray and Jason continue laughing, watching as Sonny tries to get the very, very drunk Clay into the passenger side of his truck.  
  
"You think he's gonna be alright, Brother? "

"Who Clay or Sonny?" he smiles  
  
"I mean Clay. You know it’s been over two months now and he still seems in the same place about Kelsey. Still filled with a lot of rage and anger if you mention her name"

"Hmmm " Jason sighs "You know I thought he was starting to turn a corner. Well, let’s hope Sonny's deep cleanse theory works. Cos he needs to start letting this go now"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**

  
  


"Alright buddy. Just hold there" Sonny leans him against the door frame, while he uses his key to unlock the front door to his apartment.

As he turns around there's a heavy sounding thud and Clay drunkenly drops to the floor  
  
"Oh hell!" Sonny frowns as he struggles to lift the dead weight that is Clay. He gets him to the bathroom where immediately Clay sinks to the floor. His head over the toilet pan as he proceeds to throw up  
  
"Shit!!" Sonny frowns "I'll get you some water"

Sonny heads back to the kitchen where he lays Clay's cell phone and keys down. He runs a cold glass of water and after depositing it next to Clay in the bathroom Sonny leaves him to it.

Heading back into the living area he takes in the scale of the mess in the apartment "What the hell ... " Sonny look around the clothes and dishes strewn everywhere "Shit, this is worse than my place, Clay!"

He loads the dishes into the sink, stopping only to listen to the retching sounds of Clay still throwing up. It’s actually a good sound because at least it means he's still alive.  
  
As he dries the final dishes he makes a mental note, "Never let Clay get this drunk again!"  
  
He dries his hands, Clay's gone quiet and he thinks he better check on him. As he passes Clay's phone on the side he notices it vibrating with a call. He sighs. He can see the name on the screen _Kelsey_.  
He takes a breath, checking the bedroom doorway. Nervously he cuts the call off then deletes it from the missed call list. His finger hovers, apprehensively, before he blocks her number in the phone contacts. Then he lays the phone back beside the keys on the worktop.  
  
"Right, time to get you cleaned up Clay!"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

**6 Months after Kelsey left**

Sonny smiles winking at Trent as they watch Clay doing his hair in the mirror, checking his shirt before covering himself in aftershave. Sonny still has this stupid big grin as Clay turns around  
  
"What?!"

"Nothing'"

"Well stop smiling at me like that" looking up from packing his bag, Clay frowns "Sonny stop!"

"Sorry." Sonny sucks his cheeks in trying to dampen his grin "So um... you gotta date?"

"No!"

Trent frowns, he looks up from checking his phone to look at Sonny, who winks at him "Right, so you've not got a date?"

"I told you. No!"

"Okay. So why the clean shirt, the aftershave and checking your hair?"

"I'm just meeting someone. Is that something I need to discuss with you?"

Sonny smiles again "So it is a date." Clay glares at him this time. Sonny frowns "Hey c'mon man, it’s alright. It's good. I'm glad. After six months it’s about time you broke your vow of chastity."

"I told you, it's not a date. I'm just meeting someone for a coffee"

"Okay... so coffee's good too" Sonny laughs. He opens his wallet and takes out a wrapped condom which he throws towards him "Hey, make sure you're careful though" The joke falls flat as the condom drops to the floor.

Trent shakes his head disappointed in Sonny "Too soon brother!"  
  
Clay ignores him completely. He picks up his bag and leaves without saying another word.

"Hey, where's he going in such a hurry ?" Jason frowns as he enters the room and Clay barges past him

"He..." Sonny laughs "...he has a _date_."

"Well technically Sonny.... " Trent looks up "..he did say that it wasn't a date."

"So, is it a date or not?" Jason frowns "Do we know who she is?"

Sonny shrugs "I have no idea. He's not said a word to me about it"

"But it's good, right?" Jason looks hesitant "I mean, that he's going on a date. That after all this time he's finally seeing someone"

Trent nods "Yeah but c'mon, cut him some slack. He doesn't need to give us every detail about her" he sighs "I mean it’s not like we'd tease him to death or anything like that, would we?"

"You're aiming that at me aren't ya?" Sonny frowns "Look, I don't tease him " both Trent and Jason frown, "Okay maybe a little, but he deserves it for the pranks he pulls"

"Sonny, listen to yourself! You just threw a condom at him, not good considering what happened. And then you wonder _why_ he doesn't want to tell you he's meeting someone new"

Jason sighs, scratching his head "Well just keep an eye on him. And Sonny...." he points ".. no more teasing him!"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

Clay stands on the sidewalk outside the diner. He straightens his shirt pulling it down, smoothing the creases. He takes a deep breath looking at his own reflection in the glass. He feels sweaty and nervous, it feels like it's been such a long time._  
  
C'mon Clay, you can do this. _He tells himself as he plucks up the courage to go in. Sighing again, he nervously looks in the window trying, to see where she's sitting. For a moment he thinks that maybe she didn't show. Then as the woman at the table to the left of the counter turns around he sees her.  
  
Leaning his head back against the window, he anxiously tries to decide if he's doing the right thing. _Just get it over with Clay. Take the first step and put the past behind you. _


	11. You want another coffee, Honey?

"You want another coffee, Honey?" the waitress smiles as she watches her staring at the empty cup on the table.   
  
"Um.. yeah sure" she smiles pushing the cup forward for the top up. She looks at her watch, then she sighs disappointingly. Then she sighs as she checks out of the window in to the street. _  
He's not going to come._

Checking her watch, again she continues stirring the coffee. Watching it swirl around and around in the cup. It's probably cold by now, but she's oblivious to it. She's not even looking at it really. More just staring into the dark liquid, lost in her own thoughts.   
  
As she checks her watch for a third time, she look up as a shadow blocks the sunlight that was covering the table.   
  
A huge smile breaks out across her face, and she bites, nervously, at the corner of her lip. "Clay!" the sigh of relief is palpable as her grin broadens "I can't believe it. You actually came".

"Um hmm" he sighs. Frowning as he looks at her. It's difficult for him to find the right words to answer and he just stand still, staring, while anxiously grinding his teeth together "God only knows why I did. Cos I don't. Let's just call it curiosity " he sighs

She swallows the small rock of anxiety that's formed and lodged in her throat. His tone is not exactly as welcoming , of her arrival, as she was hoping for. _Still at least he's here_.   
  
"So, how are you, Clay? "

"Good!"

"Okay. Um...good...Mm hmm " This is hardly the easiest of conversations to have, and she takes a breath. _Well this is awkward_.  
"Um...why don't you take a seat. Then we can talk. I've um... got so much I feel I should explain. Shall I get you a coffee first?" She's trying to keep this civil by being polite. Her hand is shaking as she gestures toward the seat at the table in front of her.  
  
"Look um...Kelsey," he takes a deep breath "I'm not exactly sure what you're expecting from me, but you know what? I don't wanna hear it, okay! In fact, now I'm here the truth is, I wish I hadn't come. I should have trusted my head.That I don't need to hear your sob story excuses"

"So why did you come?" she frowns   
  
"Hmmm" he sighs thinking about his answer "I guess I wanted to know how I would feel about you. About seeing you again. If it would bother me. Wondering if I would still have as much hate for you now, as I did when you left."

"And do you ?" she smiles cautiously

"Yeah, yeah actually I think I do. I mean I pity you because you came here, and you thought that I would actually care about your pathetic explanations. You thought I would listen to your justifications. But you know what, at least I know now, that I never want to see you again. That I can actually be happy without you in my life"

She frowns "Clay, don't say that. Please just listen"

"No! No, you listen. You listen to _me _for once. I think you got to have your say. What I want now is for you stay away from me. From my friends, from my friends of friends. Just don't try contacting me again. Do you understand? And don't use anyone to send messages to me, because the truth is... the truth is I hate you! I don't wanna see you ever again. So just keep the hell away, simple as"  
  
She nods, her lip quivering as she fights back her tears. The tone he uses is cold, hard and direct. She's never known him be like that. She only knew soft and warmth and even when he was angry about the termination, she never heard quite such an uncaring tone as he's using now. He never cut her off like this before. "Wow. I really did hurt you, didn't I ? Clay....Clay, I'm so sorry, for everything. But I do think we need to talk"

"No, no I'm done. Whatever it is, I don't wanna hear it. We're over. You don't exist to me anymore. Sonny's right, I need to get on with my life and that's exactly what I'm gonna do"

"Clay please, just listen......" Their conversation stops. It's suddenly distracted by the huge, loud clatter and bang of lots of breaking crockery.   
She swings around in her seat, startled by the commotion. The sounds of raised voices, a chef yelling and a waitress screaming something in a Spanish sounding tone._ No! Fuck you! _  
Then an apology from the manager _"So sorry everyone. Accident"_   
  
She smiles watching them as they all busy themselves trying to clear up an entire tray of broken cups that the waitress knocked from the shelf. Kelsey frowns, staring as the now embarrassed waitress who also apologizes. Then bends down, helping to pick up the smashed pieces of crockery. "If anyone's ever had a bad first day, it's that poor girl." Kelsey laughs.   
  
She's hoping in some ways that the interruption will lighten, what is fast becoming a very tense mood between her and Clay. But as she turns back around to face him, her smile drops to a disappointed frown.  
"He's gone!" she sighs "Oh no Clay please" she takes a deep breath. Her heart's beating so fast. And as she looks out through the window she can see him hurrying across the street. "Oh god!"  
  
She considers running after him but with bill still to settle and the head start he has, she knows he would be gone before she got outside. And so dejected, she slumps back into the vinyl seat, putting the back of her hand to her mouth, silently sobbing into it. "Shit!"   
  
The big dew like tears run down her cheek in unison, one on each cheek until they drip from her chin. Her eyes are hot with more of the burning wet droplets and she sucks deep breaths of air through her teeth trying to hold them back, when all she really just wants to do is wail out loud.   
  
Her chest aches, almost like she has indigestion, except it's not, it's heart break. She knows this is her fault, that she is the one who's caused him to act this way but, that doesn't make it hurt any less. She knows her big mistake was leaving it so long, that she should have fixed it all so much sooner. And now she would have to live with the regret.   
  
"Oh Clay, come back please" she begs the thin air. Puffing short sharp pants of breath trying to calm herself. She looks around, as a few people at the tables surrounding hers have started to notice her tears and now they're all staring awkwardly at her. While she tries to pretends, by smiling at them, that really she's okay.

"You wanna another refill, Honey?" the red-haired waitress smiles sympathetically at her. She's also trying to pretend, to pretend she hasn't seen her crying "Hey, I'm sure he'll come around. Whatever it is, just give him some time" She smiles.  
  
Her job has taught her to just smile and offer sympathy, not to get involved. But she feels sorry for this woman and she seems so upset, so alone sat there. But she won't pry and ask more, if she wants to tell he, she will. " I love your accent. Are you from England?"

"Umm hmmm" she nods, then does her pretend I'm okay smile. The change of subject gives her a moment to gather her thoughts "Um... yeah another refill would be great thanks"   
  
She wipes the tears from her cheeks, flicking them away with her hand "Do you um... do you have a toilet where I could freshen up please?"

"Toilet? Oh yeah, sure thing Honey. It's over there, you see the at the back through the doorway. That's where you'll find the ladies restroom" she smiles again "I'll get you that refill. You want a fresh chocolate muffin as well? Chocolate, might make you feel better"

Kelsey smiles at her kind gesture, but she frowns even deciding if she does or doesn't want a muffin seems like an effort "Um... yeah, yeah whatever. That would be great. I'll be right back"

"Sure, you take your time. There's no hurry, and hey honey, don't worry. I'm sure it'll all work out for the best, you'll see"

"Yeah! Yeah, I'm sure you're right" Kelsey wipes another tear with the back of her hand, and she smiles. Then she gets up and heads to the bathroom. She doesn't' believe that though, she doesn't' believe it will work out. Because without Clay on side, she feels like she has nothing.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

Clay stands the other side of the street. He closes his eyes taking a breath "Fuck!!"  
  
He doubles himself in half, his hands pressed against his knees supporting his weight. He's trying absorb the pain in his stomach as his chest tightens "Shit!! " he sighs "Oh god damn, you!"He bangs the palm of his hand against his forehead several times in frustration. He's so angry.  
Angry at her for coming here and now, angry at himself for walking away like that. He doesn't' know why he came. Why did he put himself in that position?   
  
He has to be honest, it was the truth when he said, that he'd come to see how he felt about her. But he lied, he lied when he said he still hated her.   
  
He didn't. He hated what she'd done. But he didn't actually hate her, and this reminded him of that. Because the moment he saw her he thought about how amazing she looked. 

She was still exactly as he remembered. The sparkle in her eyes and that way she bites the corner of her lip because she was nervous. And ..._Oh God!_ How she still had the ability to turn him on.   
  
"Shit!!" he blinks his eyes, turning around from where he's now standing, he looks back across the street at the diner. He take a deep breath.   
  
He still has as much curiosity now. Still as many unanswered questions, as he had when he arrived. He ran away at the first opportunity, because he was scared. Scared of what might happen if he stayed too long with her. Scared that he might feel something more again and if he did, then that would mean he would never be free of her.  
  
No, he left because, he knew he didn't hate her. But he just couldn't let her know that.  
  
So now he would have to kick himself for not getting to the bottom of his questions . How, and why, she'd managed to contact him after six months of nothing. How she'd found a way via friends of a friend's, friend. to get a message to him, to arrange today's meeting.   
  
Funny thing was he never actually remembered blocking her number. But after he checked he must have done. But to be honest, he'd been that drunk on so many occasions these past few months he'd probably done it at one of his particularly low points and not realized it.

Sonny was right when he said he should cut her off. And Clay was sure that if he'd told him where he was going to today then he would stopped him . Which is why he'd been so vague about who he was really meeting.

He takes a breath, thinking about getting in his truck which is now only about thirty feet away from him, just across in the side street. But then he also thinks about crossing back over the street the fifty feet the other way and go back to the diner. To tell her he was sorry and listen to what she did have to say.   
  
He grinds his teeth again. Running his hands through his hair. Then he makes the decision. He has to leave the past where it is. He has to leave her in it. After all what did it matter anymore about the reasons why she did it. It didn't change the fact that she had.

Unlocking the driver side of his truck, he climbs in behind the wheel. Looking up, the diner calls to him. It's like some scene from lord of the rings, the sounds in head, the diner saying come back, calling over and over.   
  
He sits hand on the wheel ready to drive off. Taking deep slow breaths, his mind occupied with the visions of her sitting there. He puts his key in the ignition and starts the engine and then he closes his eyes _If you leave now Clay, you'll never know what she had to say. But if you go back then what she could hope to explain?  
  
_Bang! Bang!...Bang. He thumps the palm of his hand hard against the steering wheel with frustration. The pain of the hurt shooting through his hand and down his arm.

_Pheww! _he breaths out counting slowly backward three, two...one! Then he takes the keys out of the ignition, gets out of the truck. Slamming the door hard.   
  
Psyching himself up, so that he doesn't become a push over. He still needs to be angry. A force to reckon with and she still needs to understand his pain, the pain she's caused him. That she can't just win him over and it will all be forgotten, like nothing happened. _  
  
No that's not how it's going to be. _He would take no shit from her, but he did want to know why she had come here today.

"Phew!" he breaths deeply again. His final wobble of hesitation is as he puts his hand on the diner door. Then mustering the courage, he steps back inside.

He looks around. The table at which she was sitting is empty with only a coffee cup and a left behind chocolate muffin occupy the space now "Shit!" he rubs his head, spinning around checking out all the other tables "I'm too late"

All that deliberation and hesitation has cost him. At this moment his chest is rising and falling quickly with the fast-panicked breathing. "She's gone! ....Dammit!"_ Oh Clay, what have you done! _

The waitress smiles at him "You want a coffee, Honey?"

"Um.. no, no thanks. Um... excuse me, the woman.. the woman who was here, earlier. Did.. did she leave?" he frowns

"Oh um .... you mean the pregnant lady? No Honey, she's gone to the ladies' room to freshen up. She was a little bit upset. Hormones I guess. I was the same when I had my son, any little thing would set me off. Mind towards the end I couldn't be more than ten feet from the nearest restroom. Felt like he was trampolining on my bladder" She frowns seeing the look on his face "I'm sure she'll be back in a minute"

Clay frowns, he has this deep confused look on his face " Sorry, I don't think we're talking about the same person. I mean the British woman, she sat here with a coffee, blue denim jacket. I was talking to her earlier"

"Yeah, yeah, the English lady. The ...pregnant,english lady. You know ... " she makes a round gesture over her stomach "Pregnant...c'mon you can't have missed the size of that bump, right?"

Clay's really confused. The waitress laughs watching him "Oh okay, guess you did. Oh well... there she is now" 

They both look around, as Kelsey comes back toward the table She has her jacket thrown over her arm and the white stretch Tee shirt she has on under it is pulled tight over a large baby bump. She stops still in her tracks"Clay!!!" she gasps, looking at him her eyes wide with surprise " You um.. you came back!"   
  
Their eyes meet as they both look at each other. Protectively she rests her hand against her stomach and takes a deep breath. Clay's just stood their staring. He's in total shock, at the sight of the very obvious pregnant bump that she has.

"Um... " She smiles nervously, watching him. He has his mouth open in total disbelief and she doesn't really know what to say him a " Surprise!" she gulps back her nerves, biting the corner of her lip.

"What the fuck?" Clay gestures his hand towards her. He can't get his breath and he looks like he could easily pass out. Stunned by this sudden _surprise_ He just can't comprehend what's going on . "You're pregnant!" he sighs "Um... " he flounders for the right words "It's um.. .. it's mine?"

Kelsey laughs, more from nervous, than from him being funny "Um yes. Yes, you know um... even I'm not stupid enough to get pregnant twice in nine months. Sorry... " she smiles "Yes, yes of course it's yours, stupid"

"But I .. I don't know what to say"

"That' s okay, cos neither do I" she smiles again "Look I um ... I know I should have told you sooner but, well... I did try. But when you wouldn't take my calls, I thought you didn't want to have anything to do with me, especially not after_ that _last message you left. I think you made it pretty clear then how you felt about me"

He closes his eyes, thinking back to_ that_ last message he left. Drunk he was, but not drunk enough that he can't remember the vile things he called her.  
  
He opens his eyes again and takes a long deep breath "Oh my god, you're still pregnant!" He smiles now though, he can't speak properly unable to get his head around what's happened. It's like everything he's been wishing for, for the past six months has suddenly come true, but now he doesn't know what to do about it.

"Can I um... can I sit down please?" she holds her back, rubbing her hand against the ache she has "Nine hours on a plane" she laughs "I now realise why they tell you not to fly in the later stages"

"um... yeah, yeah I'm sorry.. yeah please sit down... wait!" He looks her in the eyes as she steps towards her seat."Could I ... " he swallows nervously "What I mean is .. can I .." he frowns anxiously, stretching his hand towards her bump. 

She smiles as she nods giving him her permission "Yeah ... yeah of course" She very cautiously takes hold of his now trembling fingers, then wrapping them in her hand she places it gently against the firm roundness of her stomach   
  
"Oh my god!" his face lights up. He stares first at his hand then up into her eyes. They just look at each other. Both apprehensively smiling. Finally he breaths "Oh my god, I can't believe this is real!"

"Oh trust me..." she smiles "It's real. but .... I know what you mean" she frowns as she sits down still holding her back . Clay pulls up a chair next to her, placing his hand gently back again on the lycra covered bump "Sorry I .. I just can't get my head around this "

"Clay , you know... I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. This past couple of months. I just needed to see you." she places her hand on his, her fingers stroking the skin   
" I thought I could do this on my own, but I can't." she takes a deep breath in, pausing as she watches him. Carefully and slowly sliding his hand, feeling against the curve of her stomach.   
  
She smiles "Do you know how many times I tried to call you. And then the time passed and .. and it became so hard. I didn't know how to even begin to explain this. So, then I get this mad baby brain urge this week, that I have to see you. And I .. I lied to the doctor." she laughs " Told him I had a dying relative in the US .. so he would sign, allowing me to fly."  
She grimace for a moment her back is aching. she's getting really tired now and its starting to tell

"Are you okay he frowns, noticing how uncomfortable she is.

"Yeah, yeah it's just back ache and I'm tired. Flying does not suit being pregnant. I'm fine. Look, um.... I know this is a bit of a shock but, could we do all the explanation, tomorrow. I need to find a motel yet, at least have a shower, get something to eat that sort of thing."

"A motel?" he frowns "You don't have anywhere to stay?"

"Um... No. I told you my mad baby brain thought this was a good idea but[ I didn't exactly plan it"

"Well then you have to stay with me"

"No! No, I can't expect you do to that not. Not after ... I mean, the way everything is. I can get a motel, its fine"

"No, don't be stupid. Look I can take the couch, it'll be fine. I've slept in on worse things" he laughs "C'mon. Is this yours?"   
  
He picks up the large holdall from the floor, "Let's get back, we can get you something to eat and talk" 


	12. Baby Elephant

  
"Please... " Clay smiles, opening the door, gesturing her in "..come in."

"Wow!" Kelsey frowns, immediately hit by the smell. She takes a deep breath, looking around the room, at all of the mess. The piles of clothes, the unwashed dishes, half eaten pizza in boxes and empty beer bottles all strewn on various surfaces around the apartment.  
  
"I .. I like what you've um... done with the place, since I've been gone” she turns around and looks at him "What the hell's gone on here Clay?"

He coughs, embarrassed. "Oh, you know, I um...I had a party, then got spun up " He smiles, lying "You know how it is. Just didn't have time to clean up yet. I mean it wasn't like I knew I was bringing anyone back"  
  
He sighs nervously. But the truth is, despite Sonny and Trent's best efforts to keep his cleaning on track, he hadn't really been bothering much.  
  
" Um.. how about I get you something to eat?" He avoids looking at her as he goes to the cupboards. They're all pretty much empty, he hasn't bought groceries in a while, except milk, and beer, instead living mainly on takeout’s. "I know, how about takeout. Your choice?" he smiles

"Yeah fine, whatever." she sighs "But I do just need to use the toilet, again"

"Yeah sure. Well, it's um....it's where it was before" he laughs. _This is awkward. _  
  
They're both not sure what to say or even how to behave around each other after all this time apart. What he wants to do, is grab hold of her and kiss her, but even though they're having a baby together, the distance between them it makes it feel different. They have the awkward feel of being strangers, for now.  
  
"Pizza okay for you ?"

"Umm hmm...That would be great!" she stops where she is in the bedroom doorway and smiles at him "Oh, do they still do that double pepperoni? I seem to remember that I loved that, the last time I was here."   
_It's no good I need to pee! _She can't wait for him to answer. "Sorry but I need to use the bathroom."

She uses the toilet and as she walks out into the bedroom, something puzzles her about the state of the room. She looks around and it's tidy. The bed is clean, and made, and it doesn't even look like it's been slept in. She's confused. Compared with the state of the rest of the apartment, it doesn't make sense.

She frowns watching him. He's emptying all the bottles into the trash. He's collected all the clothes into a pile and tidied all the dishes to beside the sink "Here sit down. I um.. I tidied the couch to make space."  
  
The first thing she notices are the blanket and pillow on the end of the arm "Clay have you been sleeping on the sofa?"

"Um.. no! Well... well sometimes, you know if I’m watching TV , or tired from a spin up and fall asleep there, but other than that....no" he smiles, apprehensively, again lying. Truth is, he hasn't been able to face going to bed, not without her there. The last time he did sleep in it he could still smell her, her perfume. So he washed and changed the sheets and hasn't slept in it since.

"Hmm" she looks at him concerned. Then she frowns again, the niggle in her back has turned to an ache and she puts her hand to it and rubs. Holding it as she moves the cushions around, trying to try make a more comfortable space on the couch.

He looks and can see her grimace with pain. He watches as she walks, pacing around, back and forth in front of the couch, trying to ease it. "Awww!" she breaths out deeply

"You okay?"

"Mmmm hmm. Oh, it comes and goes. It's just back ache. I've had it a while, but being on that plane really didn't help"

"Can I ask..." He smiles at her nervously "how long? How long do you have left? I mean, before the baby arrives"

"Um... it's about four weeks. Well that's what they said, but I mean I wasn't exactly sure with my dates. They told me it could be two weeks either side of the date they give you. I do have to say I don't feel like I'm going to hold out that long" she laughs "But the sooner the better now. Cos carrying a baby elephant around isn't much fun, or that I feel like I might pee myself at any given moment." She smiles , laughing as she attempts to sit herself in the seat on the couch.  
  
She stops before she sits, takes a deep breath, the ache in her back hurts and she breaths through it again "Awww!" she shakes her head and sucks in a breath through her teeth making little panting noises as she paces around again. " Awww! “she groans "Mmmm" she breaths out "And relax... Pheww!" _  
  
Three...two .. one. S_he counts in head as she exhales. Trying to following the breathing exercise that they showed her at the hospital. She only went to two classes; a _friend _made her go. They were about pain relief techniques, so have been quite useful with her back ache and not actually the waste of time she thought they were going to be.

She has to smile, she can see the anxious look on Clay's face, "Oh don't panic, I’m not gonna give birth right now" she laughs "You'll get used to it"

"Oh okay!" he lets out a sigh of relief "You're alright though, I mean is there anything I can get you, to help?"

"No, it's fine it's just she's kicker that's all. God knows what my ribs look like inside" she smiles as Clay's just stands still on the spot staring at her.  
  
"You wanna feel her kick?" she steps forward towards him. "Clay, do you wanna feel her kick?"

"Um.. I don't know." he frowns thinking about it " I mean yeah, yeah sure, of course I do" he smiles.   
  
He's a little apprehensive now, it all feels a little surreal as she takes his hand, in hers, then places is it firmly against the upper part of her bump. He doesn't feel anything, and he frowns at her confused.  
  
"Just wait, she's building up to it." She watches him as they look at each other. Still nothing but she keeps smiling, reassuring him that it's going to be worth how awkward he feels right now.  
  
And then there it is. A sudden quick but strong thudding motion from her stomach against the palm of his hand "Oh my god!" he looks up amazed " Oh my god.....is that the baby?"

"Umm hmm." she smiles watching as his face beams with the surprise kicking feeling "Yeah she's feisty. But to be honest, I think I pissed her off on that plane. Normally she does this at night, when I'm trying to sleep, but I guess she hasn't worked out the different time zone thing yet either" she laughs

"She?" he frowns " You said she, does that mean it's a girl? You're having a baby girl?"

"Um... " she shrugs "well, um .. actually, I'm not sure. I mean they said they thought it was, but she wriggled around so much at the last scan that they couldn't confirm it. But they did say they'd be able to check again on the next scan, which was actually due this week" she shrugs as she sighs "I guess I just got used to calling _it_, her. Seemed better than _it._ but truth is I don't really know. I mean it didn't really seem to matter, to me, before"  
  
"Clay...." She frowns, but he doesn't seem to be listening "... are you disappointed? That it's not a boy, I mean"

Clay's just thinking. Lost in the thoughts in his head. She's right he's not listening to her rambling words "Oh my god!" he gasps "A baby girl!.... Shit!" he laughs, smiling at her "A baby, girl! A real princess Spenser. Hey, you know Sonny's gonna have a field day with that"

"Well, as I say, nothing's certain." she smiles. She can see how wrapped up in this he is " Oh, that reminds me. I have something for you"  
  
She leans down to her bag on the floor, beside the door where Clay left it. Searching the contents inside she takes out a brown envelope.  
  
"It was a while ago. It was the last one I had. But I thought you might like to keep it." She hands him the black and white scan photograph from inside the envelope.  
  
"Oh god!" he smiles, as he looks at it "Is that her?"

"Mmmm hmm. Was at 26 weeks. She's done a lot of growing since then and.... mmmm!" she grimaces again "...and a lot of kicking. I definitely won't miss this when she gets here"

Clay places his hand back against the cloth of her T-shirt. He can feel the intense pulsing thuds on his hand "It's a strange feeling" he smiles looking at her. It's something he's never experienced before "But it's amazing!"

She nods "Yeah it is pretty cool. Well unless it's 2am, and she does it to your bladder. Then it's kinda not so cool" she laughs

He looks at her, deep in the eyes, that spark, that nervous lip bite it's all still there. A sudden surge of overwhelmed feelings comes over him and he just can't resist. He puts his hand gently caressing her cheek, and then he kisses her full on the lips.

"Woah Clay!" she takes a deep breath, putting he hand against his chest, holding him back " I don't think we should rush this. I mean um... it's been a while. Perhaps, we should slow down a bit. We need to talk, properly, about some things first, this is all a bit fast for today."

He frowns as he tries to agree with her. Even though he doesn't want to. He wants to pick up where they left off, but if that's what she wants then he'll do it, for now "Yeah, yeah, you're right. Sorry I just ... you're right it's a little fast" he takes a deep breath "Food! C'mon let's get you both something to eat"

"Clay I know this... this must be difficult for you. And I get why you hated me so much. I've been really selfish. I should have sorted this a lot sooner"

"No, no! Look, Kelsey, I never hated you , not really. I just hated what I thought you did, but not you, never.” He looks her in the eyes his hand on her cheek "I just told myself I did, because that made it easier to live with. And when I said it earlier.... I lied. It hurt seeing you. It felt like you'd ripped my heart out. But now, if I'm honest, I just. ..I just don't know what to do. But know this, you've made me so happy and now we can be a proper family."  
  
He looks around the apartment "But we need to get some baby stuff right? A cot, a pram... clothes..."

"Clay.... Clay slow down. Let's just take things slowly alright. There's a lot to sort out"

"You're right, but first ...Pizza!" he smiles "You know what, I'll go get it. I need to go to the store pick up some groceries anyway. Do you need anything?"

"Clay, you really don't have to do this; I can get a motel"

"No! No, I want you to stay here. Please? Just stay here, I want you to be with me"

She nods, smiling apprehensively "Do you mind if I take a shower. while you're gone?"

"Yeah sure, that's fine. You know where everything is." he kisses her again "I won't be long"  
he picks up his keys and wallet and leaves.  
  
He's actually bouncing down the hallway as he walks he's that happy. He thinks about calling Sonny, but decides, for now, to keep it to himself. Enjoy the feeling without anyone else's judgement.

**o-o-o-o-o-o**

She frowns as she wanders through to the bedroom, putting her bag on to the bed. Then she sits down beside it, and lays herself back, taking a moment. She sighs. Then closing her eyes she takes deep breaths trying to relax as she questioned herself about what she's done, coming here. _And how am I going to tell him I have to go back to the UK in a few day's time? That I'm not having the baby here._  
  
Her phone rings and she looks at it then sighs, biting her lip nervously. She cuts off the call without answering it before she flops back against the bed "Shit!! What a mess"  
  
"Mmmm!" she gently soothes her hand across her stomach as the baby kicks at her again. She's feeling exhausted and closes her eyes.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

Clay smiles as he watches her. She's laid curled on her side, fast asleep, in the middle of his bed. He takes the blanket from the chair and covers her over then he sits down next to her. Then he just can't resist , laying himself, quietly, beside her, placing his hand around her bump, holding her protectively. He smiles, enjoying the feeling of contentment he has right now.

"Mmmm!" she groans waking from the deep sleep she was in. She can feel the arm around her, and she smiles at the comforting feeling, snuggling back against the body holding her.  
  
"You okay?" Clay whispers in her ear

"Mmmm ....what?" she sits up confused. Looking around she gets her bearings in the darkness "Oh sorry, I fell asleep. What time is it?"

"It’s okay" he smiles "It's gone midnight. Are you alright? Can I get you anything?"

"Oh, wow I must have been tired. Sorry." she stretches herself out, sighing "No, but I do need the loo, again" she looks at her clothes she's still wearing and laughs "I didn’t even get a shower."

"It's fine. Do you want one now?"

"Mmmm! Yeah I think that might be a good idea. Liven me up. Did you get that pizza?"

He laughs "Yeah it was a while ago, it's probably cold now. You still want some? I can re heat it"

"Yeah, yeah that would be good" she shuffles onto her back, as he lays propped up on his elbow watching her.  
  
He's still gently rubbing his hand over the bump "I still can't believe this. That you're still really having a baby!" he sighs jumping up from the bed "Okay, so you take a shower and I’ll do the pizza"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

She doesn't hear him over the sound of the water running, as he knocks at the bathroom door "Kelsey, are you okay in there? You've been a while."

She turns off the water and wraps herself in one of the pink towels. Smiling as she remembers how he bought them for her when they were first seeing each other. Then she finds her clean knickers, slipping them on as she realises that she doesn't have a night shirt. She forgot to pack one in her hurry to leave.  
  
"Clay ... " she calls out not realising he's at the doorway. He pushes the door ajar. "Don't come in here!" she shouts grabbing the towel and even though it’s too small she wraps it around her herself covering up.

"Seriously?" he frowns as he puts his head in the gap

"No. No I don't want you to see me like this. It’s not a good look." she smiles "Do you have a tee shirt I could borrow, to sleep in? I forgot mine."

"Um.. yeah, yeah sure."  
  
He grabs one of his plain cotton ones from the closet and brings it back for her, wondering why she's hiding herself. It's not like he hasn't seen   
her naked before. In fact, she never used to be bothered at all. He looks around to where he can hear a phone ringing. It's hers laid on the bed where she left it.  
  
"Kelsey, you have a call do you want me to answer it and tell them you're in the shower?"  
  
"No !! No, leave it'll go to voice mail, it's just a friend. They don't know I’m here, in the US, so they won’t know what time it is. Sorry"

He frowns confused, then he opens the door to hand her the tee shirt.  
  
"Clay!" she squeals. She's still naked, drying herself. She struggles to get the towel around her body and cover the bump holding it tight against her chest

"Hey, what’s wrong?" He frowns, he can see she’s blushing " Kelsey, are you okay?"

"Clay please .. just let me get dressed. I don't want you to see me like this"

"Are you embarrassed?” he smiles confused by her awkwardness “ But why? You have a great body, and not being funny, I've seen you a lot more naked than this, if you remember. In fact, I don’t think there are any parts of you that I haven't seen"

"Yeah well, I didn't look like I was carrying a baby elephant then" she sighs "Please, just let me get dressed." she grabs at the tee shirt in his hand . “Thanks for this”

"Hey..._Hey!_ You look beautiful, baby elephant or not and anyway it’s my baby elephant so it’s even more perfect, right? This..." He now puts his hand against her stomach sliding his hand under the opening of the towel, so his hand is, for the first time against her skin "This, the way you are, pregnant, it’s perfect to me. You feel so good."   
  
He can now feel an unexpected tightening growing in his groin. Just touching her naked skin make him feel happy again. She takes deep breaths. She's confused. She should stop him, but his hand on her flesh, being this close to him, the smell of him. It all feels too good. He moves his hand slowly up her waist, just holding her, turning her around so that he's looking her in the eyes. Her breathing is slow and deep, and she doesn’t move, or say a word. Then he leans in, holding her cheek with his hand and he kisses her gently on the lips.   
  
She closes her eyes tight, as he puts his hand on hers where she's holding the towel, tight, around her chest. "Clay,please ...don't. I’m not sure..."

"Shhh!" he kisses her again, then he takes a step back from her and pulls his own tee shirt over his head so his that his chest is bare.  
  
She smiles, taking a deep breath in, she'd forgotten how perfect his body was. How toned his chest muscles are. He still looks so good. She notices some of the minor scars on his torso and a red cut, still raw, on the top of his arm  
  
"This is new?" she frowns running her fingers gently along the scar line.

"Yeah fairly recent, it's nothing I just cut it. Come here" He pulls her toward him, pulling at the towel forcing her to release her grip on it, and then he drops it to the floor.  
  
She now keeps her eyes tight shut but he doesn't look at her, just pulls her close, so that her naked flesh is pressed tight against his. He runs one hand down her back and over the soft curve of her butt and the other gently over her breast.   
  
They’re certainly much fuller now than he remember before.She flinches, brushing his hand off "Clay, don't. They're um... they're the not the same" she smiles hesitantly "Don't forget I'm going to have a baby soon so it's um.. well it's awkward, you know.. changes" she blushes, putting her arm across her chest covering herself.

"Oh hey" he flashes her one of those smiles he does that makes her feel like shes the only girl in the world "Hey, it's fine okay. I'm sorry I didn't think, but it's fine" he gently brushes her hair back from her face and kisses her. Her pregnant bump is pressed tight against his skin as he holds her. It feels so great being this close to her, and the baby and he doesn't want to let her go,ever.   
  
"C'mon let’s lay down. Be more comfortable on the bed"

"Clay I .." she shakes her head "I don't think I can... you know, sex" her cheeks flush with color "I mean, no one’s seen me like this before, pregnant. Not fully naked I mean."

"Hey, we don't have to do anything. I just wanna hold you that's all. I mean I wouldn't, if you don't want to, it's fine really. I don't expect anything. Kelsey, I just wanna be with you"

"Oh, you don't...hmmm?" she smiles, she can already feel the huge bulge in his pants growing "So what's that then?"

"Yeah well... " he smiles " ..he has a mind of its own sometimes. Hey, I can't help that we think you're so sexy"

She blushes smiling again now, running her fingers softly through his hair "Clay we need to talk. There are somethings I need to tell you"

"Hey ... Shhh! Later. We'll talk later, okay. Tonight, I just wanna lay with you, be with you. Kelsey I missed you so much. I just wanna forget the past six months and hold you like I should have done all this time"

"Okay." She nods, cautiously smiling "Okay,but just keep the lights off, alright. This beached whale look is not a good one"

He smiles, placing his forehead against hers looking down at her body, running his fingers in circles around her breast "Well, I think it's just perfect the way it is."  
  
They both smile as they can feel the wriggle and kicks again "Looks like you've woken Baby Spenser up now" she smiles stroking his cheek. Then she does something that she told herself not to do. Placing her hand on his face, she kisses him.


	13. Promise

Blinking her eyes, Kelsey slowly moves her head as she begins to wake up. _Mmmm! _She groans, stretching her arm as she rakes her hand through her matted bed hair.   
As she comes too, she becomes increasingly aware of a weight leaning across her legs, and the rough of a beard against the skin on her stomach.   
  
"Clay, what the hell are you doing? " She frowns looking down her body to see him clamped round her bump like a large sea limpet on a rock.   
  
"Shh!" he smiles "Don't interrupt we're talking" 

As much as the cute smile he pulls, makes her smile too, she still has a confused frown on her face. She continues watching him, the side of his head is placed gently against her large baby containing bump. His cell phone in his hand, quietly playing music.

"Clay..." she checks the time on her cell "..it's only 6am what on earth are you doing?"   
  
She yawns again, stretching and wriggling herself, trying to get more comfortable. Whatever it is that he's attempting to do, it feels nice, the gentle strokes his hand, brushing over the curve of her roundness. It's so soothing, and while he lays there she gently massages her fingers through the soft curls of his hair.  
  
_Mmmm! _She sighs, groaning at the annoying ache in her lower back.

"You okay?" He frowns concerned. Watching her as she looks at him.

"Umm hmm" She yawns again "Not bad, just tired" she smiles. There's a definite and insufferable ache in her body today and _Mmmm!_ she groans again "So, are you gonna tell me, what the hell you're actually trying to do?"

"Well see, I read this article, online. That babies can hear music, in the womb, and that it settles them, keeps them calm ready for the birth. Plus, did know she can recognize our voices now?"

_Mmmm_. She frowns "Clay I have to tell you something. If you google one more thing, about having babies, then that phone of yours, it will disappear and you'll have to give birth to it to get it back."She laughs "Do you understand me?"   
She's smiling now because all she heard for a few hours last night, was his google list of do's and don'ts regarding babies.

"Hey, don't you listen to the way your Mom speaks to me."   
  
He gently places a kiss on Kelsey's belly and draws a heart shape with his finger on her bare skin. It’s comforting and very sweet and she loves watching him do it.

_Ahhh mmm!_ She groans again. The baby kicks out hard, lurching and moving around inside with a sudden juddering movement "Aahhhh! You know, I think you've woken her up now, and she's obviously not going to be a morning person"

Clay smiles leaning forward he places a soft kiss onto Kelsey’s lips "A bit like her grumpy Mom then"

"Clay, just know, we're soon gonna have to have the whole Mom verses Mum conversation" She smiles as he kisses her again.   
  
There's a vibrating sound. It's her phone and she looks at the bedside table where she laid it last night but she makes no attempt to pick it up and answer it. Instead she just lays still, ignoring it while she stares up at the ceiling   
  
"You want me to get that for you?" Clay frowns

"No. No, it’s nothing important, just a friend. I'll speak to them later" She opens her eyes looking as he frowns at her "It's nothing, don't worry. Besides..." she smiles "I'm enjoying laying here with you better"   
She smiles apprehensively, while continuing to weave patterns into his hair with her fingers.

"So, l thought we might go shopping this morning."

"Shopping? " she frowns "Shopping for what, exactly?"

"Well, we don't have much time left and were gonna need things. I mean we need to start getting some baby stuff together, because, we don't actually, have anything!"   
  
He looks around the stark bedroom, filling his head with pictures of where they're going to put all the baby paraphernalia " I figured, if I move that dresser, then the crib could go there. If that's where you want it?"

"Um... " she hesitates "okay. But um... look Clay, you need to slow down" She sighs "We need to talk this through first."

"Well we're definitely gonna need the basics, pram, crib, clothes. I mean there's so much more. I actually made a list while you were sleeping " He holds up the notes on his phone "It's not like we have much time left and these last few weeks will fly past. And um... I know we haven't really talked about it yet, but you're gonna breast feed, the baby right? I mean most of the sites, they say it's the best thing, they say .."

"Clay stop!" she takes a deep breath "Just stop alright" She pauses, taking a moment. "Clay, have you heard yourself? Just slow down." she swallows apprehensively, her heart beating fast as she breaths deeply, and then she pushes him away from her body. "I need the loo."  
  
She gets up and pads slowly towards the bathroom. Clay frowns watching her and as the bathroom door clicks shut he lays himself back against the soft of the pillows, looking up at the ceiling. He runs his hand through his hair as he lets out a frustrated sigh.   
  
He's disturbed by the vibrating sound of a phone and he looks over at the bedside table where her cell continues to buzz.   
Anxiously he looks at the bathroom door as the curious suspicion gets the better of him and he takes the opportunity to check the caller ID .

_Alex? _He frowns as the name continues to light up on the screen _Who the hell is Alex? __  
_  
He looks up at the sudden sound of flushing, quickly laying the phone back where it was. Smiling awkwardly, he watches Kelsey looking at him from the doorway of the bathroom.   
  
"Clay, we need to talk" She sighs. Lowering her eyes, towards the floor. She continues to stand there, nervously biting the corner of her lip "Look, there's no easy way to say this so ...so I’m just gonna say it.” She takes a deep breath in. "I’m um.. I'm not having the baby here; I mean in the US. I err ...I have a flight, early next week, back to the UK. In fact, the way I've been feeling, and how the flight coming here affected me, I’m actually thinking of going back a few days early. I'm sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear" Her lip quivers as she fights the tears. She can see the confused hurt in his face.

He sits himself up in the bed staring at her "What? No! No, now you wait a minute, you can't just do this. You can't go back. I mean, you only just got here. I assumed, you being here, that this, us it was for real, that it was for keeps. I thought I was gonna be there, at the birth. When the baby comes, that I was gonna be with you."

"I’m sorry Clay" she apologetically shakes her head "but everything's organised, back in the UK. My midwife, the hospital and the things I've already bought. It's all sorted out. "  
  
"No!" he sits up, his expression full of hurt mixed with anger "No, no not again. You're not doing this again. You took this, her, away from me once and you're not doing it again. I won't let you." he sighs "Please Kelsey, you just can’t do this"  
  
He gets up off the bed and stands in front of her, holding her chin, staring her in the eyes. He places his hand gently against her bump "This is my baby too, so don't do this.I mean, why does it have to be a problem? You could just stay here, then you wouldn't have to worry about the flight back."

"I'm sorry but I have to Clay. I can't have this baby here. You know, I’m not even sure if that's possible. I mean hospitals and everything" she frowns looking at him "Look, I'll come back as soon as possible. As soon as we're allowed to fly. I don't know.... two weeks something like that. I don't know, but we'll find out. Then I'll bring her, to see you. I promise. We'll make arrangements for visits after that. But I have to go back"

"Make _arrangements?_ " he frowns "I don't wanna make _arrangements._ I want to have you both here. No, you can't just do this. I mean, I must have rights."  
  
"Yes, yes of course you do but, look we'll talk about all that. I promise when the baby gets here then we’ll sort all that out. I'm not going to stop you seeing her"

She holds her hand against the pain in her back, finally having to relent to it and sit herself on the bed beside him, "Look I'm already in pain, so I need to go back before it gets any closer. I mean, I don't wanna give birth on a plane do I. Oh my god, can you think of anything worse?" she smiles putting her hand to his cheek. "I'll come back just soon as I can. I promise."

"So, what you're gonna have it on your own, give birth with no one there?"

"No. No, I won't be on my own" She sighs "I have a friend. They're gonna be there with me. They came to a couple of classes. So, I won't be on my own. Everything will be fine, don't worry" she nervously smiles

"Alex?" he frowns "Is it that your _friend_"

She sighs deeply "Yeah...yeah it is actually. How do you know that?"

"That's the person that hasn't stopped calling, your cell phone. All the missed calls. So, Alex... is he a _male_ friend?"

She swallows biting her lip. She shrugs "Clay... "

Kelsey, just tell me, is Alex a guy?"

"Yes" she nods "yes, he is"

"Oh my god!" he gasps, now having his suspicions confirmed "Are you...are you seeing someone one else?"

"No!" she shakes her head "No. Clay, it’s ...it’s not like that. He's a friend, a good friend. He um... he's just been there for me. I mean, we haven’t done anything. We haven't had sex if that's what you're thinking. I wouldn't, I mean I won’t." she laughs "I can’t not like this. He's just taken me for dinner, cinema stuff like that. Just to keep my mind off things. He's just taken me out that's all. I swear"

"Just to get you out?" Clay frowns, he's struggling to understand this. Annoyed, angry and hurt "Did he go to the scan with you? The baby scan at the hospital. did he go"

"Clay don't do this ... please. It really doesn't matter. It's not important."

"Did he?"

" One. Yes" she nods "He came to one scan"

"And he went to the classes with you? To prepare. And I guess you're gonna have him there with you when you give birth. When you have_ my_ baby? You _want_ him there?"

"No, it's not that I_ want_ him there. He offered" she sighs "He didn't want me to be on my own"

"You don't want me to be there, but you do him."

"No, no Clay it's not like that. Of course, I want you there but... it's just not possible. Look, this has gotten all so confused. I mean I never intended ... well for this. For us, here like this. When I came it was just to tell you about the baby. I didn't realise you'd feel this way about me. I mean not after what you said in that last message."

"That last message... " he takes a breath "That last message was the day I thought you were... I didn't mean what I said. I was angry, I was hurt, and I didn't mean it." He closes his eyes taking some time to think "So, what does he think about you coming here? You being with me. Oh my god, does he even know about me?"

"Of course, he knows about you, but um... I haven’t told him, I mean, he doesn't know that I'm here, in the US. I told you it was a spur of the moment thing. I never thought it through. And anyway he's away at the moment, on a training course, so I thought I’d be back, and I wouldn't need to tell him. He'd only say I was stupid, coming here"

"What stupid for coming here and telling me ? Yeah, yeah I bet he would. I mean why wouldn't he, he has a ready-made family so he wouldn't want you telling me about the baby"

"Actually, he did .. he did want me to tell you. A while back. He was the one said I should tell you. He thought I shouldn’t have kept it from you at all"

"Well...." Clay sighs " one thing we can agree on I suppose. So, he knows about me; does he know what I do? I mean. what does he even do, hmmm? What's his job? Oh, but I suppose he can be around all the time, not like me. Is that the attraction "

“Clay don't be like this. " she sighs, anxiously biting her lip "Actually, no! No, he's not around all the time. He um..." she swallows again taking a breath "He's in the forces too. He's a marine. The Royal Marine regiment"

_Huh!_ Clay laughs "A marine? Are you actually serious? Oh my god!" _Huh! _"So, did you tell him I was a Seal, special forces, DEVGRU. Did you tell him that?"

"No, no Clay, I didn't. I just told him you were in the Navy. I mean it's not like he needed to know the details. It's not some damn competition...._oh, I'm harder than you are!_" She sighs rubbing her head "You know perhaps I shouldn't have come here" she sighs again "Clay, he's just a friend"

"So, nothing's happened, between you?"

"No. I don't even know if it ever will"

"But he wants it to, right? Oh yeah, I bet he wants to sleep with you. I mean why wouldn't he"

"I don't know " she shrugs "I guess. Maybe. I don't know, it's not something we've really talked about. Look, he's not a replacement father for this baby. He's not a replacement for you. Clay, you’re this baby's daddy okay, you always will be . Clay you..."

**BLEEP** BLEEP***

_ Fuck! _ "Oh, not now!" Clay checks his phone, turning the screen to face her "Well, this discussion is on hold, looks, like I’m getting spun up. I'm sorry" he sighs rubbing his head "Look I'm sorry, alright."  
  
He kneels down between her legs, his hand on her bump as he places his forehead against hers “Please, just promise me , that you won’t go anywhere until I get back. Promise me Kelsey. Promise you won't leave."

She smiles at him, rubbing her nose against his. Her lip quivers and she has this hurt in the back of her throat as tears roll down her cheek "No, no I won't leave. Not until you get back. I promise." She smiles again, putting her hand to his cheek "I promise."   
She gently kisses his lips "Clay, he's not you. Alex I mean. I don't feel the same about him, as I do about you. It's just all this... your job, being here, it's too complicated. That's why I have to go back. I have to be settled, before the baby arrives"   
  
He wraps his hand in her hair, as he firmly places his lips against hers, kissing her. Gently laying her back on the bed as he continues kissing her.   
  
"You need to go" she smiles " I won't leave until you get back. But you need to go. I mean won't they leave without you, if you're late?"

"No, no they won't. But to be honest I don't care if they do. I just wanna be here with you"

"Clay.. ". she smiles "..you need to go. Go do your job."

"Okay, I will, but when I get back, we’re gonna tell the guys, and then I’m gonna sort out with Blackburn for some leave. You wanna go back to the UK, then fine. I’ll live with it. But, I’m comin back with you"

"Clay ..." she smiles "Clay you can't, I mean your work how can you?"

"I don't know, but I’ll find a way. I’m gonna come back with you, what ever." He kisses her. She smiles suddenly filled with happiness as he rubs his hand on her bump "Anyway, I have to see this baby elephant born"

_Mmmm!_ She groans as the baby kicks again "Aahhhhh, yeah. Yeah well thanks for that, I mean waking her up before you go!"

He smiles, kissing the bump "Hey Baby girl, you be a good for your mommy while I’m gone and you make sure you stay in there until Daddy gets back." He looks up nervously "You're gonna be alright , here, I mean while I'm gone?"

She nods "Yeah, yeah I’ll be fine, and don't worry, this little elephant is staying put. I promise. She's staying right there until you get back. You know I might even clean this flat while you’re gone!"

"Yeah well don't overdo it. Just eat pizza, watch junk TV, sleep and I'll be back before you know it"

"I hope so .." she sighs looking around to the side table as her phone vibrates again. She looks at Clay "I'll sort it out, with Alex, I promise. I'll tell him everything. About you, me... everything."

He kisses her again "Yeah well, just make him aware we extract people from places and make them disappear all the time. I don't care if he's a Marine. So, you just warn him" he smiles, putting his lips back on hers.

She smiles "You know that is some big alpha male bullshit you're pulling right there Clay Spenser" She smiles as she puts her hands on the side of his face and kisses him, looking him in the eyes " Clay..". she sighs watching him smiling. Smiling because he's so happy right now. "Clay, be careful. Come back okay. Please."

"I will" he nods "You just concentrate on keeping that one in there safe, until I get back”


	14. A present for you

** _ Two-days later C17 Flight back from Kashmir  _ **

"So, I got fifty bucks, says Clay's got a new woman" Sonny takes the crisp note from his wallet and lays it down on the bench beside him.

"I'll take that bet" Brock smiles as he takes his own money out and lays it with Sonny's "But I say there's no new woman, he's trying, but getting nowhere"

Trent shrugs , frowning at the pair of them "Oh, don't ask me, I'm not sayin either way, but there's definitely something going on, I can feel it"

Clay can hear them talking even though he's not really listening to their conversation. He turns around and looking up from his phone he can see them, their eyes all fixed on him, staring   
"What?" he frowns " What the hell are you staring at?"

"You!" Sonny smiles "So c'mon Clay, do you have a new woman or not ?"

"New woman?" Clay wrinkles his head, turning to look at Trent, who's leaned himself up against the 4x4 that's loaded onboard the C17, "Why would he ask that? "

Trent shrugs and looks at Sonny "Well I guess he didn't say no!"

"No, and that, that right there, that look, and the obsessed staring at his cell, the constant texting, all the way back. No, that screams that you have a woman. So, what's her name?"

"Name? No, she doesn't have a name"

"Oh, right..."Jason, who's now listening in on the conversation, frowns "...so there is a woman, but she doesn't have a name, right? So, what kinda woman is she?"

"There isn't, there isn't a woman. Look, why are you doing this? Why are you suddenly all so interested in my love life?"

"Maybe cos it's a good thing, right?" Sonny shrugs " Because means, you might be moving on. Maybe you finally putting that whole other mess and that other lil bitch behind you?"

"Sonny's right, it would be a good thing. And about damn time too. Look Clay, we all here for you, so seein' you happy, well.... it's a good thing!" Jason smiles, a big huge grin " So just tell us her damn name"

"That's my fifty bucks right there then"   
  
Sonny grabs up the money as Brock frowns "Hey, now wait a minute. He didn't actually say he had a new woman. No, no I wanna see evidence first before you get my dough" Brock snatches his own fifty back.

Clay takes a breath, still anxiously looking at his cell phone. He's not received one reply to his messages, or answer to the voicemail he left "Look, um... guys " he grinds his teeth while he thinks "How about, I meet up with you all laters, at the bar, for some beer. I do have somethin' to tell ya, and I'd rather do it with you all together, so I can explain."

They guys all look at each other, confused and somewhat worried by his tone. Jason nods towards him "Something you wanna share there Clay?"

"Um yeah, but um...I'll explain it all later" he takes a deep nervous breath "Promise"

"Well, I'm not liking the sound of this" Jason folds his arms, standing more squarely as he stares "So, we gonna like it this _thing_ you wanna share? You know Clay, I'd rather have a heads up beforehand. Is this somethin' that's gonna affect the team?"

"No, it shouldn't affect the team. But, well um... I don't know if you're gonna like it or not, but, I hope so" he smiles "cos I sure do!" Clay looks at his watch he can tell they're not far from landing and he wants to be ready to go "Excuse me, I need to grab my gear"

Jason frowns, looking around to Sonny and Trent "He say anything to you, what that's all about?"

"Nope nothin' to me"

"Me either"

Jason sighs "So, what the hell's he playin' at? You know, I got a bad feelin' in my gut that we're aren't gonna like it, whatever it is"

Trent frowns "Hey give him a chance, I mean, he's seemed happier recently. Well I thought he did. So even if it is a woman then maybe it's a good thing, right?"

_Hmmm!_ Jason's not so easily convinced "This is Clay, so just keep an eye on him, alright. If he's fallin' for some new woman, we can do without a repeat of before. If he jumps in with two feet I'd rather know, than him going off the rails again, when it don't work out. Sonny check out what's going on. He's up to something for sure, and I don't want him making decision he hasn't thought through, for some chick he just met."

Sonny frowns "Yeah will do. I'm sure it's nothin. I think he learned his lesson last time. But like you say, I'll keep an eye on him"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

Bag over his shoulder, Clay hurries to unlock the apartment door. He couldn't get here fast enough, and as he gets the key in the door he can hear the loud sounds coming from the TV.  
  
_Pheww! _He breathes a sigh of relief. When she didn't answer her phone earlier, he had to admit he was worried that she'd done what he asked her not to and left.   
  
He smiles. The relief on his face as he opens the apartment door is huge._ She's still here!_

Kelsey's curled up, on her side, on the couch, sound asleep. He has a huge grin on his face, and he laughs at the sight of the empty pizza box and large bag, of almost eaten, marshmallows on the floor beside her.  
  
His grin spread in a fixed position right across his face as watches her. She looks so peaceful and he doesn't disturb her, quietly putting his bag on the floor he heads into the kitchen. He feels so lucky to be having this chance, doing the job he loves, a beautiful girlfriend and a baby on the way, things don't get much better than his. If only he could talk her round, to stay here and not go back to the UK everything would be perfect but for now he'd go with her idea and he'd have to talk Jason and Blackburn round. He sighs. _No way is that gonna be easy, not at this short notice but something had to give somewhere!_  
  
W_hat the hell?_ He frowns. Scattered around the countertops are a vast array of cleaning products. He picks up one of the bottles, there must be at least ten varying sprays, polishes and disinfectants and the whole place smells of clean and bleach. Even the stove is gleaming and as he opens the refrigerator it actually smells good for once, not the usual smell of days old leftovers  
In fact, it looks well stocked, with even has his favorite beers. _Oh my god, Kelsey, what the hell have you been doing? H_e frowns looking over to the couch where she's still asleep.

He smiles as he watches her sleep. Smiling so happy that the corners of his cheeks hurt. He gently pulls the couch cover over her legs. Sitting himself on the small coffee table with the beer in his hand, just silently staring at her.

He finishes up the beer, and he doesn't want to wait any longer, waking her up with a kiss.  
  
_Oh yeah I nearly forgot! _He smiles, reaching into his duffle bag, pulling out the surprise gift that he bought at the store where he stopped on his drive back. He kisses her cheek again.  
  
_Mmmm!_ she groans stretching, twisting her body around so she's lying flat on her back. She wakes with a smile as he sees him sitting there "Heyyyy! How are you? You all get back safe?"

"Yeah" he nods "Yeah we're all back okay. And you, how are you?"

"Mmmm, yeah I'm good" she stretches again. She was so hot earlier after cleaning that she's only wearing her maternity bra and a grey pair of sweatpants, her large, swollen baby bump on show.   
  
He smiles, running his hand softly and gently over it as he kneels down beside her. Planting a kiss first on her lips and then on the bump. "You look great. A really healthy glow, what have you been doing?"

"Mmmm, more like a hot, fat sweaty mess, you mean!"

"No, you're beautiful and very, very pregnant looking"

She groans looking down her body. He might be right about the very pregnant part she certainly feels so big right now "Oh I'm so tired today" she sit herself up looking at the sudden smug grin on his face "Okay what are you doing Mr Spenser, you have a cheeky look on your face, you're worrying me"

"Oh um... I got you a present, from the store on the way back"

"A present?" she frowns as he suddenly unexpectedly, pushes something fluffy into her face "Ahh! What the hell is that?" she sits back watching him smile. Then she smiles as it comes into focus. She can now see the large grey, fluffy Elephant toy, with a big pink ribbon around its neck "Oh my god! That is too cute. You got me a baby elephant!"

"Well, I thought _she_ might like it!" he pushes it playfully against her bump

"Well I guess you're not hoping for a boy then?" she smiles

He leans in, kissing her gently "Oh no...". he goes back in his bag and pulls out another identical elephant but this one has a bright blue ribbon

"Two elephants" she smiles at him.

"A girl and a boy, see I covered both options" He smiles his beautiful smile "I see the problem and I work it, that's what us Seals do!"

"Oh, do you, really!" She laughs. He's just too cute when he's being funny, and she smiles again her eyes watching him. Looking at every inch of his face, each line and the curl of his lip "Well let me assure you Clay Spenser, there is only _one_ elephant in here" She rubs her hand gently over and around her bump. "You could have bought just one when we knew what it was, that would have solved the same problem"

"Yeah and where's the fun in that, and anyway I figured, whichever one we don't use this time then we could keep it, you know.... for next time!" He laughs. Cautious in his teasing, testing the water, knowing they haven't even really discussed the details of this baby yet, let alone going forward for the future. _  
  
I mean where are we even going to live?_ _Were they even going to be a couple? _  
So many questions he has in his head. But for now he was just glad to have her here. He certainly didn't want to rock the boat asking things that might put pressure on her, frighten her away. All he knew was he would never be his father, he would never leave his child and they would come first over everything. No he certainly wasn't going to be like Ash Spenser.

"Next time!?" she frowns "Hey! Now, just slow down a minute! We're not even through this one yet. I'm not even considering a next time. Anyway, I need to get back to work first" she smiles "before thinking about more babies!"

"Work?" he frowns "Are you serious? I mean, you're seriously thinking about going back, into the Navy?"  
  
It's the first time he's heard her mention about the Navy, the first time that _he's _even thought about her going back to work. He didn't even know it was a possibility and it takes him by surprise.

"Yeah maybe. Well probably" she shrugs "I don't know yet, not for sure, but the option is there"   
  
She sighs she can see this has come as somewhat of a shock to him. That it wasn't something he'd even considered, or thought was a possibility. But then why would he, after all she'd just turned up in his life out of the blue, like a whirlwind.   
He wasn't like her, looked into the options and that a baby didn't necessarily mean the end of her career. Hell, she'd even still been allowed to serve onboard the Charles until she was twenty weeks gone, that was a massive boost. Yes she hated leaving but it was the best of both worlds and she had no other option if she wanted to continue with the pregnancy.

She smiles "Hey don't look so worried there's a lot to sort out first. I mean I have to get my fitness back and they need me to have a solid childcare plan in place, I'm still working on that but I have time before I have to decide. I mean I can't do anything for the first six weeks after the birth so will have time to work out my options before I decide for definite... we'll see. Nothings certain, right"   
  
She awkwardly smiles. She can see his concern in his face and how hesitant he is to make a comment and so to break the tense atmosphere she laughs as she pushes the soft toy elephant into his face. "Anyway, talking of presents, I have one for you"  
  
She watches as he leans back into the couch pillows. He's yawning, too tired to think about anything serious right now. She can see how tired he looks "You okay?"

"I'm a little tired that's all, I'm okay, it was just a long flight back. I'm gonna get a shower, then my head down for a while"

"Oh okay, well look, we don't have to do this, not if you don't want. It was just, well it was the only space I could get before my flight back next week but if you're too tired, then I'll understand"

"Okay, what have you been up to, Roberts "He looks at her intrigued "What present?"

She smiles, biting her lip "Well, I thought about what you said, about missing out on things, for the baby. And I thought that you...you know, you might like it."

"Something for the baby?"

"Mmmm kind of. Something more for you" She smiles "There's this place, locally, I looked them up online and well, they um... they do baby scans. You just book to go. So, I .. I booked one for two o'clock today. Sorry I know you only just got back, but it was the only one appointment they had left" She smiles awkwardly and shrugs "I figured we could go and maybe, you know, find out if this elephant.." she picks up the toy looking at it while smiling "... has a trunk or not?"   
  
She pushes the toy into his face, rubbing its trunk against his nose and using her weight she pushes him from sitting to laying down in the couch pillows, so she's sitting across his lap.

"A scan? Like to see the baby?" he looks at her, his arms wrapped around her body " Wow! You booked that for me?"

"Umm hmm" She shrugs "I kinda thought it might be,...fun? But if you don't want to, I mean if you're too tired, then we don't have to go. I know it's a kinda stupid idea, with the baby coming soon"

"Hey, you try and stop me!" he smiles excitedly, putting his hand to the side of her face then he kisses her, his lips against hers firmly " I tell you what, let's get showered and dressed, we'll go do this scan. Then we'll get something to eat and um... then I said we'd meet the guys, at the bar. I'm gonna tell them, about you, the baby, all of it. Then tomorrow, I can talk to Blackburn and Jason about some leave, so we can book the flights"

"Hmm, sure. That sounds like a plan to me" she smiles apprehensively. She has to admit that shes not really looking forward to seeing the guys again. Unsure what their opinions will be. How they'll feel about what she's done and if they'll be keen on the idea of Clay becoming a father. She knows from her own team, in the Navy, that things like this, they upset the balance and the flow of a tight team, so she's really nervous to find out how they will react.   
  
"So, are you gonna invite your dad, to come for drinks, as well?"

"Ash? No why?" Clay takes a deep breath. He frowns shaking his head "No, I wasn't going to"

"Oh, Clay c'mon, he's your dad. You know no matter how you feel about him, you should tell him, about the baby. Clay, invite him. please. C'mon I haven't even met him yet; sure, I've heard all the stories you've told me, about what an arse he is but... Hey, and you know; I even started his book while you were away. It's actually pretty good." She sighs "Clay, I just think its time we met. He's going to be this ones grandfather soon, you've gotta want him to that, surely?"

"Hmm" Clay sighs "Yeah okay, I guess you're right. We will tell him. But not today. We'll go see him tomorrow. It's gonna be more than enough explaining things today. I mean just telling the guys oh hi by the way she didn't abort the baby like I thought and well.... here she is! Without dealing with his reaction as well"

"Okay" she smiles "It's your call. I just thought.. I know there's just so much to sort out. Maybe this with the guys it will be a good think, you know starting to get things in place" She smiles "Look, I'm gonna get a shower first and get dressed"

He bites his lip, brushing her hair back from her face as he gently places his hand against her bump "You wanna a hand, in the shower? I could wash the bits you can't reach."

She hesitates. She's thinking about his offer. Watching him looking at her   
  
"Okay" she reluctantly smiles "Okay, c'mon on then"

"Really?" he frowns. He really wasn't expecting her to say yes but now she has he's so excited.

"What? You don't really want to?"she frowns seeing his hesitant frown.

"Yeah, yeah I want to!" he smiles "It's just I .. I just, I just want you to be sure. Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Yeah I think so" she takes his hand, leading him towards the bathroom.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

The warm water is running. Kelsey feels apprehensive, as she stands there wearing only her knickers and bra. She feels clumsy and shy, definitely not sexy. And certainly not the way she used to feel when they showered together in the past.

Clay strips off his pants, pulling his t shirt over his head so he's standing in front of her wearing only his tight cotton boxer shorts. He brushes the lose strands of her hair back from her shoulders "You okay about this?"

"Yeah" She nods nervously "I mean ....you've seen me naked before, right"

"Mmmm hmm" he smiles. "Look I'll go first" he slides his shorts down taking them off. His theory, if he gets naked first then she might feel less embarrassed. He kisses her neck and as he does his cock hardens, springing to attention. He closes his eyes " Sorry. But that's what you do to me " He kisses her again, gently stroking his hand along her spine, down the length of her back then up again, stopping at the clip on her bra. "Okay?"  
  
She nods as he looks her in the eyes, and then slowly, he un-clips the hooks on her bra that's keeping it fastened. Her full and heavy breasts drop as the support loosens; she sighs. He peels the straps down her arms then taking the white lace bra in his hand he lays it carefully on the side unit.  
  
She puts her arm across her chest, covering herself, fiddling with her ear nervously. He smiles watching her. He runs his fingers along her cheek then he leans forward to kiss her again. "Kelsey, you're beautiful....I ...I love you so much"

The words take her by surprise, making her gasp. Her lip quivers and she chokes on the hard lump in her throat and then suddenly, unexpectedly she starts to cry. _Pheww! _She takes a breath, wiping the tears from her cheek "Oh my god! What the hell's wrong with me"

He smiles "Um... you know google would say it's hormones"

"Clay Spenser!!" he hits out at him playfully, and then smiles before wrapping her arms around his neck. He walks her backwards, his lips locked on hers, into the shower, under the warm water.   
  
She frowns pulling back from the kiss " Um...Clay. I know I can't see down there properly, but I.. I think I might still have my knickers on!" she laughs.  
  
He looks down. "Oh, yeah. Yeah, you could be right" he laughs as well "Um... do you want me to take them off for you?"

"err... yeah I think you better" she smiles, lifting her foot as he slides the white lace panties down her legs. He kisses around her bump as he bends down to pick them up from the shower tray. Then he tosses them out of the shower, on to the bathroom floor.  
  
_Mmmm_ she groans holding her back "Aahhhhh!"

"You alright?" he frowns

"Yeah, yeah just some of these practice ones. It's okay" She smiles "Oh I um .. I called my midwife, in the UK . I mean obviously I didn't tell her where I was, I don't think she'd think it was very sensible, do you? " She smiles "Anyway she says it normal, to get these twinges around now. It's fine!" _Pheww! _She breaths in and out, slow, controlled breaths until the feeling passes.

"Turn around" he puts the shower gel in his hand and starts to rub it gently against the base of her spine, massaging it with a light but firm touch.

_Mmmm_ "Yeah, that's so good. Yeah, right there" _Mmmm!_ She sighs. Resting her hand flat against the wall to support herself as he moves his hand further down, over and around the cute, full curve of her butt, then gently he teases his fingers into the soft of the folds between her legs.   
As he touches her she flinches, hesitantly tensing up. Then she turns herself around to face him.   
  
He holds the palm of his hand softly against her cheek. He kisses her, then letting his hand drop from her face he, very cautiously, runs his fingertips over her breast   
  
"You okay?" He can feel her hesitation and nervous tension as she takes deep breaths. Apprehensive because it's been so long since she's done anything like this with anyone. Been this close to anyone. Let anyone see her changed body naked.   
"Clay..." she hold her breath. She liked the feel of his fingers making soft circles around her overly sensitive nipple but she's conscious of the changes in her body and she finds it hard to relax.

"Hey! Do you want this?"

"Mmmm hmm" she nods. She does, she wants him, but she just feels so awkward. She's uncomfortable with the size and shape of her body "Clay.. I...I don't think I can do this. I'm sorry. It's not that I don't want to, just...I don't know" She looks down at his hand softly massaging her breast and she puts her hand to his. Her breast is full and it's tender.   
  
He can feel a definite change in the weight in his hand. It feels good, but he can see she uncomfortable she is, and he stops. Instead he pulls her body close against his, running his hand down her back. He wants her so much, that's more than obvious by the hard-solid pulse of his cock. He closes his eyes as it rubs against her nakedness.

"Okay, it's fine" he nods. As much as its almost painful to stop he reassures her "It's okay. We'll stop. We don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. Kelsey, it's okay" he kisses her.

"I'm sorry!" she sighs looking down at her body then she smiles. She can see the huge firm hard on he has "I'm sorry, god this must be so frustrating for you"

"A little" he smiles "Hey, I'll cope"

She smiles "Well, perhaps there is something I could do about that . If you want?"

"Oh really? Mmmm! Well if you wanted you could try that .. then yeah, yeah that might fix a problem" he smiles and kisses her. The whole idea of what she's suggesting turns him on even more.

She smiles, then starting at his lips she works her kisses down his body, first down his neck and then over and across his chest. Working them over his abs. Then she stops just before his waistline, looking up, doing that teasing thing she does when she bites her lip. Then she drops to her knees in the warm water that's swilling around their feet in the shower tray   
  
"You know you'll have to help me up after this" she smiles

"Oh, I will don't worry" he leans back against the shower wall and she firmly takes his hardness in the warm softness of her mouth, her tongue circling against the tip and then down the length with the edge of her tongue. The slurp as he fills deep into her throat and thrusts groaning against her _  
  
Mmmm! _Oh goddd!!! Oh God, that's so good!! _Mmmm_ he groans over and over again and again.  
  
He's only had sex, well not so much sex more an attempted fumble, once since she left. Obviously it wasn't like he hadn't taken care of his needs at times. Relieving his urges with his own hand in the shower. Though he had to admit that most of those involved him imaging it was Kelsey's hand, or like now her mouth, wrapped around his length that helped get him off.  
  
No, the closest he'd come to thrusting his cock into another woman was in the side alley behind the bar. He remembers he was so drunk that he couldn't get it up and the girl, whose name, if he knew it, he can no longer remember, didn't have the patience to keep trying. Eventually losing her temper and storming off after he kept thrusting a semi hard cock towards her mouth.  
No amount of her expert attention, however desperately she tried, would make it rise to the occasion.And he remembers how she cursed, calling him something and telling him how,_ it was a shame as she'd always fancied him and that he should sort his issues out._ Before storming off into the night, leaving him slumped on the ground in an embarrassed heap. Waking some hours later covered in his own vomit and calling Sonny to come get him.

He sighs, thankful now, that he couldn't go through with it that night. Because somehow now it would have felt like he'd cheated.

He has no such problems right now though. In fact, it's the opposite trying to contain his hardness, stop himself from being so turned on. She gives a great blowjob.   
_Mmmm_ he groans as her head bobs in front of him stroking his hand through her hair, twisting it around his hand as he guides his hardness between her wet lips   
  
"Oh god!!" he sucks in air through his teeth _Aahhhhh!_ "Oh God, Kelsey I'm gonna .." _Mmmm_ "I'm gonna cum! Oh shit... aahhhhh! Too late!! he groans again as he relaxes back against the cool of the tiled wall "Oh god! Oh Goddd! That was great!"

She smiles, putting her head back, letting the warm shower water wash him from her face and rinsing her hair _Mmmm_ "Well that didn't take long!" she laughs, watching him as he leans there relaxing "Have you not been with any one since I left?" she frowns.   
  
She's not really sure if she wants to know if he has, but something about the speed he was satisfied tells her that he might not have been.

"No!" he pulls her to her feet, kissing her, pushing his tongue deep in her mouth. "No, I haven't"  
  
He wants her so much now. He wants to feel what it's like to be inside her, properly. This whole _new_ sexy body she has, he wants it. He kisses her longer and deeper than before, his fingers again aching to find that spot between the V of her legs, and as he hits on it she groans _  
  
Aahhhhh!_ She gasps, a sudden surge of pleasure that she hasn't felt in a long-time races around her body. She smiles

_  
Got it! _He watches her face change, and the muscles in her body relax as he continues to circle the small hard bud of her clit _Mmmm!_ He smiles. "You like that?"

Suddenly her hormones are raging, in places she long forgotten, and she nods "Yessss!" Breathing deeper she wraps her arms tight around his neck, pressing her full, firm breasts against his chest. She's now forgotten the consequences of pressing them too much, lost in the feeling of him stoking a fire to her body.

"You wanna try this?" he can see how turned on he's making her and he's almost ready again. His cock awakened to the promise of the new and exciting temptation of her body.

"Not here!" she gasps

He nods agreeing as he turns the shower water off. Wrapping her in a towel he leads her back to the sanctuary of the bedroom.

She's nervous again. The same body conscious self-doubts starting to creep in. Worried about her size and shape. She doesn't need to worry because Clay finds her a huge turn on.   
The fullness of her breasts, the soft roundness of her curves. though now faced with doing it the logistics of it are actually more difficult. He's confused as to which might be the best position, the safest and the least likely to harm the baby. The scenarios all running one hundred miles an hour through this head while his cock hardens ready for the looming attention.  
  
She can see it and she's thinking exactly the same things. Wondering what would actually be the most comfortable position. There is no way can they do it with him on top, so it either has to be him behind, or her on top of him.

She settles for the her on top, that way she can control things. It's been so long that she's not sure she can take the deep thrusting of him behind. She certainly needs something more gentle this first time around.

She pushes him down onto his back on the bed. Now keeping the towel wrapped around her while she straddles her legs over his hips into position. She lowers herself on to his hard length and he holds her hips. Gently bouncing her up and down, he smiles. She smiles looking down at him, she can't lean forward enough to kiss right now, but she can feel the touch of his fingers again her clit and she closes her eyes. _  
  
Oh god!!_ She feels like she's going to cum really quickly. It's such an intense feeling. Her weight and the bounce of her breasts feel really great. Soon she lose her inhibitions, undoing the towel and letting it go so that body is completely free.   
  
He's cautious and gentle when touching her nipples. They're swollen filling the front of her firm flesh mounds. She looks gorgeously beautiful sitting up there on top of him. And now he can see the flush of orgasm as it starts to fill her face.   
  
The intense feeling rushes over her and she sighs, groaning out loud in pleasure"Oh GODDDD!" _Mmmm mmm_ She gasps breathless as wave after intense wave, sparks through her limbs. The cramps in her stomach tightening "Oh god!"   
  
_Huhhhh!_ she pants "Oh god!" she smiles. She feels so amazing. Then she can feel a wet warmth filling her, and for a moment she wonders what's going on. Then she looks at Clay, his eyes tight shut, him groaning to himself and she knows, It's the warm of his cream filling between her legs the pleasure on his face is obvious.   
  
She untangles her body from his and settles herself on the bed beside him. He wraps his arms around her, as they fall to sleep.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

They must have slept for a couple of hours.   
  
Clay wakes with a start to the sound of knocking at the apartment door. He checks the time it's just gone 12noon

He checks on Kelsey; she's still sleeping soundly, and he leaves her there. Grabbing some shorts, he pulls them on and heads towards the door.   
  
"Hold on, just comin'!" As he opens the lock the door pushes wide open and Sonny and Trent force their way in. "Hey! Sonny..." he frowns "...hey man, you can't be here . You need to go!"

There's a thud and clunk of bottles, as Trent drops a case of beer on the small coffee table.

"Nope!" Sonny throws himself down on to the couch, flicking the TV on and putting his feet up on the coffee table, next to the beer. "Me and Trent are here to find out who this new woman is? And we're not leavin' until you fill us in. So, spill!"


	15. He has a woman

"So? C'mon explain then!"

Clay shrugs. He's torn between telling them the whole truth and trying to bluff "I don't know what you're talking about."

Sonny looks up suspiciously. Tearing open the beer pack, he takes two out handing one to Trent "You want one?" he offers Clay

"Um... no. Look Sonny, you have to go; I have an appointment I need to get to."

"Okay, yeah sure. But you have to tell me first, about this woman _then,_ I'll go!"

"Nothing to tell!"

Sonny looks around, peering over his shoulder "Oh, so your shower, it just came on all by itself did it then? Like a ghost or somethin'"

Clay closes his eyes, he too can hear the sound of running water "Look Sonny..." he sighs loudly ".. I don't know, this is hard to explain. But it's not what you think. It's not a _new_ woman exactly"

"Oh my god!" a sudden realisation dawns "You didn't? Oh, you did! What the hell are you thinking? No don't answer that! You know, I thought that damn ice queen was gone for good. Clay seriously why her!?"

"Oh no!" Trent looks across, frowning at Sonny "Oh no, you don't mean....not Elsa? He's not seeing her again?"

"Oh, Jeez Clay! No wonder you didn't wanna say nothin" Sonny takes a deep breath "Well okay, but just keep that damn woman away from me, that's all I can say! I mean why, why would you? I didn't think you liked her that much, let alone inflict her on _us_ again!"

"What?" Clay frowns. Then he realises that they think he's back with his ex, Ellen. "No! I don't like her. No it's .. not!"

"So why the hell get back with her then? Oh my god Clay, I can't think of anyone worse, surely there has to be another woman out there that you like?"

"Sonny!" Clay stifles his laugh 

"What? What is so damn funny? Clay that woman, has no sense of humor, she's a total bitch!"  
He drinks his beer, shaking his head. The sound of the water stops and they now hear someone moving around in the bedroom.  
  
"Oh, I'm gonna get gone, I can't be doing a show down with her, again! C'mon Trent, drink up. Clay we'll sees you laters" he sighs, draining the rest of the beer in his hand "You know, Jason's not gonna like this one bit, not one little bit!"

"Yeah, well um ... thanks for coming." Clay quickly tries to shepherd them out of the door. He's now rethinking his whole plan, about taking Kelsey and meeting the team this afternoon.   
  
_I mean if this is Sonny's reaction to the thought that he might be back with Ellen. Then how the hell will they feel when then find out it's not her, but Kelsey?_

Sonny gets up from his seat, picking up the pack of beer. Then he frowns and puts it down again "You know what, I think I'll leave you them, your gonna need them, cos god only knows how anyone deals with that woman so...ber ..rr!!" Sonny's voice trails off as he stands staring at the doorway to the bedroom.

"Clay, shall we get something to eat before we..... go... tooooo..." _  
Oh my god! _Kelsey stands at the doorway, her mouth drops open and the hairbrush she's using gets caught in her hair. She's wrapped only in her towel as she and Sonny, just stare at each other. Both of them are open mouthed and neither of them speaks. Sonny's eyes flick sideways, glancing at Clay   
  
"Are you fuckin jokin' ? Clay, have you lost your tiny mind? I mean, can't I leave you alone for five minutes without you doin' something stupid!? What the hell is she doing here?"

Sonny's rant continues and Clay can't get a word in "Sonny....Sonny, will you ...Sonny please... Sonny, will you just shut the hell up and let me explain"

"Explain?" he frowns " I mean, what the _hell_ is Jason gonna say to that!!" he points angrily at Kelsey "Oh my god, there is nothing in the world that could possibly explain _that!_"  
  
Sonny gulps all of the bottle beer back and opens another. He feels like he's in shock   
"What could possibly make you think _this_, this is a good idea, hmm? What possible thoughts came into your head. For god sake Trent, speak to him, he needs fuckin' medical help if you ask me!"

Trent just stands frowning, he's staring at Kelsey, curious and confused. Then he realises something's not right "Sonny, Sonny shut up!"

"For god sake Clay, these past months do you not remember what they've been like? How she messed with your head, aborted your bab...by..y..."

"SONNY!" Trent snaps, nudging him "Shut the hell up!"  
  
Kelsey stands fixed in the doorway, lip quivering, her face full of hurt as Sonny continues to rant about her.

Trent sighs " Sonny, shut up and _look!!_"

_"Look?_ Look at what?" he turns around and for the first time properly he actually sees her "Oh ...my......god!! Is... is she pregnant?" he frowns "Clay, did you get her pregnant? Oh my...how the _hell _long, has this been going on?"

"No, no it's the same baby, you idiot!" Clay laughs. It's not funny but Sonny's reaction, though expected, is. "She um... didn't go through with the termination"

"What?!!" Sonny frowns. He's now quietened down mainly because he doesn't really know what to say. He looks over at Trent, he's just as confused. "Can this be right?"

Trent shrugs "Well yeah, I mean, I guess. If she didn't...you know. Then yeah!"

"Just over three weeks." Clay smiles "What I mean is we have, a little over three weeks until the baby comes" He hands another of the beers to Sonny "It's all good. Sonny, I want this, so be pleased for me, yeah?"

"Holy shit!!" Sonny's in disbelief. He lifts his hat, running his fingers through his unkept hair. "This for real?" he wanders across to where Kelsey's standing in the doorway, looking her up and down "You really havin' his baby?"

" Yeah!" she nods nervously. Unsure of how he's going to react " Yeah, it's real"

He looks back around at Clay "Jesus Christ!" He frowns "Anyone else know about this?"

"No. No, not yet. That's um... that's what we were gonna tell everyone, this afternoon, at the bar"

"And you didn't think maybe a heads up first, rather than, like a surprise?"

"I don't know" Clay shrugs " I kinda figured that if you all saw her you might not .. you know ...be so angry about it"

"Oh! Oh, so you were gonna use her to soften the blow you mean, for when Jason finds out?"

"Yeah maybe" Clay laughs.

"Yeah maybe!" Sonny sighs "Well, you don' t know Jason very well then do ya. Not when he's in full rant mode" he turns back looking at Kelsey and he smiles. Taking a deep breath in he then does something unexpected. He kisses her cheek "Congratulations! You know, I can't believe you're making our boy into a man"  
  
She smiles nervously "Me either!"

"So ... you know what you havin' then?"

"No." she shakes her head "Not really. I mean, I've been calling it she, but ...but we don't know not for sure. That's where we were going. We have a scan booked"

_Hmmm._ Sonny grunts. He wants to be angry with Clay, for again letting his heart rule his head. But he can't, he can't because inside he's bursting with pride for him.   
He knows how much Clay wanted this baby, as wrong as it all was. The speed it all happened. But he also knew the pain he was in, when he told Sonny that she wasn't going to keep the baby. That he'd have to live with her decision, and for practical reasons he knew why.  
  
But truth was it still hurt him, and Sonny knew just how much. All the nights, these past few months, he'd sat with him. Mopping up his vomit and consoling him when he drank himself into oblivion.   
  
Clay had always been all or nothing where women were concerned. Sonny had seen it time after time. With Stella, asking her to marry him only a very few months after they started dating.   
Then Rebecca when he considered leaving the teams, moving to Washington only to find out she was sleeping with her boss. And now this one, Kelsey. She was so wrong for Clay on so many levels. Their jobs, the short time they'd known each other and now this baby but Clay was all in and so as always Sonny would be there for him. 

"Can I?" Sonny puts his hand out tentatively. She smiles, nodding nervously, looking at Clay as if to ask permission before placing Sonny's hand gently against her towel clad body. 

"I'll warn you. She's a live wire this morning" she looks up at Clay and smiles again "You know, for some reason.." she laughs "I think her daddy has pissed her off"

"Oh my god!!" Sonny gasps as the thudding feeling against his hand. A look of astonished amazement crosses his face and he swings around to look at Clay "Oh my god! She's a real kicker right there. True-life pipe hitter. She'll make a great breacher with kicks like that!"

"Well..." Kelsey smiles ".. maybe she'll be the first female Tier one operator?"

"Err no!" Clay frowns "She's not doing anything like that. Nothing so dangerous!"

"Oh, right!" Kelsey frowns "What cos women don't do that kind of thing, right? Just watch yourself Petty officer Spenser!"

"Err no..." Clay comes over and kisses her " .. because, no child of mine is going anywhere near any danger!"

She smiles reaching up to kiss him "I better get dressed." she turns his wrist checking the time on his watch " We need to go soon if we're going to make this appointment"

"Hey... " Trent smiles as he and Sonny gather their things to leave "Congratulations!"

"Thanks!" She smiles as she disappears back into the bedroom

She sits herself on the bed and sighs. Thinking how relieved she is that some of the team know now. She has to be honest, she was dreading meeting them all, wishing that Clay had broken the ice about her return first. Yeah, she got why he wanted to do it his way, so that Jason wouldn't rant in their faces, not with her being pregnant, or at least that's what Clay had hoped.   
  
It still felt odd though, just turn up like that, but still, now Sonny and Trent know she feels somewhat happier, relieved. And at least Sonny seemed to be onboard. Sure, she guessed that he still had his reservations. That she could tell, After all, she had hurt his friend. But her and Sonny had a honest respect for each other. He was honest enough to tell her how he felt when she left, and she respected that.   
  
Jason on the other hand, she didn't know very well. She knew, from how Clay described him, that he had a mind of his own and he certainly wouldn't be easily charmed by her. She wondered if he really would think them being together, Clay becoming a father, if it would be a good idea. She sighs again.   
  
She needs Clay to win him around though, otherwise how was Clay going to get the leave that he needed to come with her to the UK? She wanted him there, but she also knew that if he couldn't get authorisation she might still have to go back alone._  
  
Hmmm_ she sighs. Her phone vibrates in her hand and she checks the caller ID. Checking the bedroom doorway before she answers it "Alex.... Hi! Yeah, yeah I'm good. Look, I can't talk right now. Can I call you later?"  
  
_Hmmm._ She pulls on her black combats, before sliding her feet into her sneakers.  
  
_Aahhhh! _She closes her eyes rubbing her hand under the baby bump at the tight ache she can feel. _Oooh shit! Pheww! _"God you are awake this morning!" She smiles "Hey, Mummy gets to see you in a little while." She lays back on the bed gently massaging the kicking bump. 

"So .." Clay frowns at Sonny as they stand near the door ready to leave "What do you think Jason's gonna say, I mean about Kelsey being back?"

Sonny shakes his head standing his empty beer bottle down "You know I have no idea. I mean whatever he says, just know it's cos he's just worried about you. Look Clay, we all saw what you went through, when she left. When you thought...well you know. And I mean, I'm pleased for you and all, it's great it really is, but c'mon man, you hardly know each other. Do you even know where this goin, hmmm? I mean long-term what's gonna happen?"

"I don't know.."Clay shrugs "..but it'll work out. I love her Sonny that's all that matters"

"And she loves you right? Yeah?"

"Yeah. Yeah I think she does"

Sonny looks hesitantly at Trent "Well that's good then. She loves ya, like you say, that's all that matters. Hey look, you know we got your six right! And Jason. I'll help you speak to him. But just give him time to get his head around it. He'll come around."

Clay smiles "Yeah. Look sorry but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. We really do have an appointment"

"Oh jeez man, really? I was wanting to watch this game!"

"Yeah well, we have a scan appointment" he smiles "We're gonna find out what sex the baby is and I can't wait!"

"Oh hey, that's great man" Trent pats him on the shoulder "And don't forget to ask for a picture. You can show us all later. We can check she's prettier than you!" 

Sonny shakes his head and sighs "Hey I'm happy for ya! Really I am and you know what this means?" Clay frowns as Trent shrugs at him. Sonny laughs "It means....that the beers are on you!" 

**o-o-o-o-o-o   
**

"Okay then, Ms Roberts and ...Mr Spenser. So you've had a scan before?"

"Um... yeah.I mean have. This is Clay's first time." she smiles, she can feel a nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach. Her hands are shaking and she gets a chill of anxiety. _Pheww!_   
  
She takes deep breath as Clay takes her hand in his "You okay?"

"Yeah! Yeah..." she smiles "I told you, everything's fine" She lies, she always feels nervous, something about these scans always induces a dread inside her. Worrying something might be wrong.

"Alright then, let's make a start, shall we? If you'd like to remove your shirt then lie back, I'm going to put some of this gel on. It might feel a little cold"

_Hmmm!_ She unbuttons the front of her shirt, taking it off and handing it to Clay. He lays it on the chair beside him then he moves his chair closer. He's holding her hand in his, gently squeezing it. He's so excited but he can feel a tense nervousness about her "Hey, just relax!"

She grips his hand tight. _Mmm... Aahhh_! She groans. Closing her eyes as a pain flashes across her stomach again "Yeah, I just wanna know everything's alright"  
  
The doctor looks at her and he smiles trying to reassure her "Everything will be fine. I see from your form that you don't have long until the baby is due"

"No, but she um.. she has to stay in there a while longer I'm due back in the UK next week"

"Oh wow! Long flight for someone so pregnant. That won't be very comfortable"

"No, no I guess not" she smiles

"Alright then, here we go!" he places the transducer against her skin and gently moves it around in the gel. He adjusts the screen around so that both Clay and Kelsey can see it better. "Oh! there we go, can you see?"

She takes another deep breath in and holds it, as she looks up at the screen. She opens her eyes and then turn her head, smiling "Is she okay?"

"Um..." he frowns checking the scan for a nervous few moments he's quiet "Yep! Yep the baby looks great. Everything looks more than fine. Can you see?"  
  
He looks at Clay who's just sitting in awe staring at the black and white moving image on the screen. It's so clear and he can see the baby's face. He still sits in silence as Kelsey turns to look at him "Clay? Clay are you okay?" 

"Yeah! Yeah I'm fine. Oh my god!!" he smiles "Is that our baby? God you can see her so clearly. Oh wow! This amazing" he gasps as broad grin sweeps across his face "Can we get a picture?"

"Yes" The doctor smiles at him "Yes of course."

Kelsey sighs as she relaxes now. Watching the baby as it moves around on the screen. She can feel her wriggling around inside as he doctor moves the wand firmly over the round curves of her bump It's like she's trying to move away from it.   
  
"Well as you can see..." he points at the screen ".. the baby is turned nicely. And the head is very well engaged there." he looks at Kelsey "It certainly won't be long now. If I was you, I definitely wouldn't leave that flight to long.... oops! There she goes..." the baby kicks out vigorously "She doesn't like me interfering with her!"

Kelsey smiles, she can feel the kicking, it's much more intense today " Oooo yeah!"_ Aahhhh!_ she groans "Yeah, she doesn't like that much!"

"Perhaps we disturbed her sleep time. You sure have a feisty one in there. I don't think she's going to be hanging around too much longer. She seems eager to get here!"

"You said _she_ ?" Clay looks up at the doctor "Is it definitely a _she_?"

"Um... I can check for you. Do you want know? I mean, I guess that's why you came at this late stage"

Kelsey's face drops as she looks at Clay "Um.. do we want to? I mean, I don't know. Do we really want to know?"

"Oh, I thought perhaps you knew as you said she earlier?" the doctor frowns

"Oh no. No I just called it _her _They couldn't see properly at my last scan" She takes a deep breath. Suddenly she's not sure if she actually wants to know, perhaps preferring to just wait. "It's up to you. " she smiles hesitantly at Clay "You choose"

"Oh! Um... why? Don't you wanna know?" He can see some flashes of doubts in her eyes.

"No, I'm good " she shrugs "Whatever you want. I mean ... that's what we came for, right? For you to find out. It's your present, you choose"

_Um mmm! _ He frowns "I guess.... I mean, I'm really not bothered. I mean it doesn't make a difference if you'd rather not know?"

"I don't know, maybe it would be kinda nice to wait, you know, a surprise of sorts? Like I say it's up to you. If you wanna know then that's fine by me" She lies she actually doesn't want to know but she told him he could before they came, so she doesn't want to take the choice away. 

Clay really does want to know but he can see some hesitation in her response and he thinks that perhaps now she doesn't. He toys with his conscience. _Knowing won't make any difference so why upset her now?_   
  
He sighs looking up at the screen "Everything's okay with the baby? The baby, it's all healthy?" 

"Oh yeah! Yeah, it's doing just great!" the doctor smiles at him.

"Okay!" he looks at Kelsey again, he can see her willing him not to ask. And so he puts his feelings aside "No! No, I think we'll wait. Like you say, it might be nicer to have a surprise. I mean we only have a couple more weeks. Lets leave it" he leans across and kisses her. 

She smiles. She's relived. She now realises how much she didn't want to know "Thanks! It doesn't matter, right? So, as long as the baby's all alright I'm good with it" 

"Okay then... we're done then" The doctor wipes the gel from her stomach with his paper towel "I'll give you a minute, I'll just find a wallet for your photographs. Take your time, have a closer look"

"Thank you!" Kelsey smiles she uses a bit more tissue to wipe the rest of the gel off her skin.   
  
Clay's sitting and staring at the image on the screen "Oh my god!! _She's_ perfect!" he smiles, leaning forward he places his lips gently against Kelsey's and kisses her. 

"Can you pass my shirt!" She grimaces with a pain as she pulls the shirt around her shoulders, fastening the buttons slowly. Fidgeting around on the bed trying to loosen the ache in her back. _Pheww mmmm! _ She takes a deep breath_  
_

"You okay?"He frowns looking at her concerned.

_"_Yeah I'm good. She's just busy in there today! That was you, you know.." she smiles at him "What we did this morning!" _Phewww! _"Oh God! That one was stronger. Like he said, I guess she didn't take too kindly to being prodded around either"   
  
She jumps down from the couch pulling her shirt over her bump. Clay puts his hand against her skin lightly rubbing over and around the curve. He can feel the baby moving around and he smiles, kissing Kelsey on the lips again "This was a perfect, today. A great present, I loved it. I can't wait till she's here for real"

She smiles "Yeah well you need to speak with Jason. Sort this time off out, so that we can fly back. You heard the doctor, she's not going to stay in there much longer and um... well.." she fiddls with the collar on this shirt "Clay, I've decided, as long as I can get a flight. Then I'm going back Monday" She watches his face, seeing him frown with annoyance "I can't afford to wait now. I wanna get home, I wanna be settled before she arrives."

"Okay" he kisses her again "Okay, yeah you're right. You need to be relaxed. I'll sort it. I'll sort it today with Jason. I promise."

The doctor is back and he hands Clay the photographs. Holding the door for them "Goodbye Mr Spenser, and good luck" he smiles,   
  
Kelsey picks up her purse up from the floor "Thank you for this, it's been great!"

"My pleasure. And Ms Roberts, remember what I said don' t leave that flight too long, she's not gonna be hanging around in there"

_Awwww! S_he takes a breath as the baby gives a big kick again "Yeah, tell me about it!" 

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Okay so you ready for this?" Clay smiles as he looks at her. as she sits next to him, in the passenger seat of his truck.

"Hmmm! Yeah but don't make me any more nervous. I'm already worried about facing them"

"Hey... hey, it's gonna be okay. Jason doesn't bite.. well only sometimes" he laughs putting his hand on her thigh and stroking it reassuringly.

"You're not helping saying things like that Clay Spenser! And ..." _Aahhhhh._ ".. I really should have gone to the loo again, before I left the restaurant." _Hmmm_ "So you think Sonny told him anything?"

"I don't know. It might not be a bad thing, if he has. And..." he frowns watching her fidgeting around in the seat ".. you really need the ladies' room again?"

"Hey, you try carrying eight pounds of _baby elephant _around on your bladder, then we'll see how many times you need to pee!" _Aahhh! S_he leans back in the seat rubbing her chest "You know I shouldn't have had those onion rings. They've really given me heartburn now"

"Well..." he laughs "if you remember, I did say three portions was too much! But someone insisted!"

"Yeah well ..."She smiles, biting her lip ".. they didn't have marshmallows so ... it was onion rings or nothing"  
  
He moves over and holds her cheek kissing her, his hand soothing around the curve of her waist as he looks her in the eyes.   
  
She puts her hand to his cheek, running her fingers through his hair "So you think they'll be okay? About you taking the leave I mean. You are going to ask him, today? Do you think it's too short notice?"

"Hey, don't worry about it. Leave it to me. I told you I will sort it and I will. We'll sort the flights when we get home. Just stop worrying about anything. You just concentrate on staying relaxed" 

She smiles "Clay... thanks. For doing this. I know how important it is to you, to be there. But I do really want you there as well"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Alright then! So that's four beers, a whiskey for Ray and a _Club soda,_ for Trent!"

"What the hell? You on some sort of diet there Trent?" Sonny frowns

"No, no I have a long drive later up to my mom's house. So figured best not start on the beers or I may not wanna go!"

"Oh, right well that drive sounds fabulous"

"Yeah, but I haven't seen her for a while and you know .. I just got thinking about her today!"

"So Sonny..." Jason turns looking at him "..you speak to Clay? You find out what this _big news_ is yet?"

Sonny exchanges furtive glances with Trent "Um.. err well kinda of" he takes a deep breath "Look Jace, just go easy on him when the tells you okay?"

Both Jason and Ray sit upright now interested in the development that Sonny seems to know something "So what? You know what it is, that he's coming to tell us?"

"Well um ... yeah kind of, I guess. We um ... we went to see him earlier"

"Soooo? C'mon then spill. What's the big secret? What's he up to?"

"He um... he does have a woman."

"A new woman?! Wow! And so? What's wrong with her?"

"Well ... look, she's not exactly_ new,_ this woman he's seein. What I mean is, he's seen her before!"

Jason frowns, thinking for a moment. He looks over at Ray "Oh no! Oh no, no! Please.... tell me hes not?" he rubs his head and sighs "The ice witch! That um.... what's her name, Elsa? He's not seeing her again is he? Oh my god is he crazy?"

"Ellen!" Trent frowns "No. No it's not Ellen, Elsa,... the ice queen, no it's not her!"

"Not her?" Jason frowns "Then who? You know who, right"

Trent nods "Yeah, yeah I was with Sonny when we found out. Look Sonny's right, just go easy, he's really happy and there are...." he takes a deep breath "complications! That, make it more complicated"

"Alright, c'mon then spill! Who the hell is she? And what the hell are these _complications?"_

"Um..." Trent frowns, wondering why he's got left with the explanation now.

"Well....." Ray nudges Jason "... it looks like we're about to find out. He's here!"   
  
They all turn around in unison. Looking over at the doorway entrance to the bar. The can see Clay standing outside the bathrooms waiting. 


	16. I need the loo!

"Oh my god!! "Jason makes gaspy, disbelieving sounds as he turns back looking at Sonny and Trent "He's kidding? This has to be a joke, it isn't serious, right?" He points at the doorway in Clay's direction "The Brit Chick?! The same one that ...."  
  
Neither Trent nor Sonny make a sound, instead just shrugging their shoulders with awkward unemotional stares on their faces.   
  
"Jason..." Sonny frowns. He's trying to judge if Jason's just in shock, or if he's about to unleash hell on Clay "..please like I said, just be nice okay. Give him a chance to explain. It's ..."

"Yeah Trent said. _It's complicated!_"

"What the hell!" Brock's jaw falls open as he and Ray just stand staring in disbelief "I mean, I thought she ..."

"Alright shut up! Look don't say anything about that!"   
Sonny gives them this look, it's a kind of calming death stare "He's coming over. Jason please, just play nice. And let him speak!"

"Oh, oh yeah I'll let him speak alright. Yeah cos I _so_ wanna hear this story. I wanna find not how long this has been going on. I mean after all these months Sonny, all his cock ups, him crying into his beer night after night. And us trying keep him on track, stop his career going down the pan. Now what does he do? Puts himself right back in the firing line. How the hell long have they been seeing each other?" He frowns "Did you know about this before today?"

"No! Look, shhh! Jason, he's coming over, just act normal" Sonny's not really sure why he said that. He's not ever sure what normal is in these circumstances.

Jason grinds his teeth. The others can hear him. He already feels a blood pumping annoyance creeping through his veins, wondering how he's even going to be civil to her. _Fuck!_   
  
He takes a deep breath, getting himself under control. _You can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin'. His mother's mantra repeats over and over in his head._

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

  
  
"You know Clay, I really do need the loo, perhaps I should go first? Before we go over."

"Too late, they've seen us now. Just come over, say hello, then you can go, alright? Just get this out the way then it's done"   
  
He takes hold of her hand "Hey c'mon, it's gonna be fine. They liked you before, nothing's changed there." He frowns watching her "Why so nervous? Look, Sonny and Trent they were both fine and so will Jason be"   
Clay's not sure if it's her or himself that he's trying to convince with these words.

"It's not an excuse Clay, I really, really do need to pee!"

"Oh, too late. Sonny's calling us over"

"Oh, great! Well if I wet myself, then I'm blaming you!"  
  
She tries to joke, smile, anything to break up the nervous sick feeling she has in her gut. She's not actually sure why she's nervous, or what kind of reaction she's expecting from Jason, she just knows that she is.  
  
Clay smiles, he can see the anxious look on her face as he kisses her lips "It'll be fine, just don't think about it, needing the bathroom I mean"

"Don't think about? You say that like it's so simple" she takes a deep breath. She's trying hard to forget about the heavy pressing feeling of a baby lying against her bladder. That and her nerves combined are making it feel like it might explode.

"Hey Jason.... Guys!" Clay smiles, as he's awkwardly confronted by six pairs of confused eyes staring at them "How is everyone?"

"_How are we?_" Jason's tone doesn't bode well for a start "Yeah _we're_ just great! But you know what would make us better. No don't answer. It would be if we knew what the _FUCK_was going on with you! Where the hell’ d she come from, hmmm?" He takes a deep angry breath in "I thought you were over this ? I mean, my god Clay, seriously? All those drunken nights, all those late to briefing excuses and turning up looking like shit! We cut you so much slack to get you through her leaving. But that's what we do, as a team, help you through. You told me you had this all squared away, sorted. For what? For you to turn up now, holding her hand! What the fuck is wrong with you Clay?!"

"So much for taking it easy!" Sonny rolls his eyes "Jace, c'mon on man, I told ya, let him explain"

Clay takes a breath looking at Sonny. He realises he must have said something, but perhaps that wasn't a bad thing, because gauging by the face on Jason, right now, it probably could have been way worse if he hadn't  
  
The ranting seems to have stopped and Jason folds his arms giving Kelsey this intense angry stare. She smiles awkwardly, clutching at her purse. She holds the large brown bag in front of her stomach like some sort of shield.   
  
"Hi!" she smiles awkwardly.

"Hi !"Ray replies frowning, and Brock nods his head. Full metals still asleep on the chair. Trent's the only one who smiles at her. He's trying to be reassuring, because it's obvious how nervous she is. They're all watching, waiting to see what Jason's continued reaction might be.   
  
"You wanna sit down?" Ray frowns again, offering her the chair in front of him.   
  
Jason puts his hand on it, stopping her from taking a seat, then he turns his focus back towards Clay "No first I wanna explanation "

Clay tries desperately to contain the huge smirking grin on his face . He fails as he places the black and white photograph down on the table. The silent move takes the wind from Jason's sails. He frowns as he looks down at it laid there. "What the hell is this?"

"My explanation" Clay answers cockily as he's unable to contain it any longer "A scan, photo!" he beams "Of my..._baby_! We just had it done"

Jason turns around sharply. He looks completely stunned "Your_ WHAT_??!" Kelsey lowers her purse and now he notices what his temper blinded him to "_Oh ...my god!!!_ She's pregnant! What the hell?!"

"I know." Clay smiles " It's great isn't it!"

"Oh .. my god!!" Jason turns to look at Ray. Both of them too shocked for words. Jason spins back on his heels "I mean how? How is she pregnant. I thought..... I mean you split up. What the hell?"

"Yeah. Yeah, she um... well she kept the baby. She didn't .. . well you know" Clay puts his hand to her stomach "So, we're having a baby! Yeah, I know mad right! I still can't believe I'm gonna be a Daddy!"

"Oh, Jesus!" Jason turns his back; he needs a moment to gather his thinking. He's completely floored by this news and it certainly wasn't something he saw coming. He's totally lost for words. He runs his hand through his hair, taking a deep breath.

Ray stands up, shaking Clay's hand "Congratulation's man. A baby! That's wonderful news. A blessing right there" He turns around and looks at the others, encouraging them to be pleased at Clay's news . He puts his hand reassuringly on Jason's shoulder "That's great news right?!"   
  
Ray kisses Kelsey's cheek . She's still nervously waiting for Jason to say something. Until he speaks, gives the clear to go. Then she gets the feeling that none of this will be okay.

As he turns around his worried frown slowly turns upwards until its filling his face with a beaming smile "Wow! You really did it! Our baby seal is ... having a baby of his own! The boy becomes a man! Congratulations Clay!"   
  
Jason face may show unfiltered happiness, but his insides are churning over. A jumbled mess of questions and worries. Wondering how will Clay cope with such a huge step in his life?   
  
"Well done man!"

Kelsey smiles. She looks at Clay. They're both thinking how much smoother it went than the scenario they'd built up in their heads.

Sonny winks at Clay. He smiles, pulling his arm around his neck and ruffling his hair "Let's get some beers in! Hey, don't forget, they're on you!"

Kelsey laughs, placing her bag on the seat and her phone on the table. She takes a breath and for the first time since they entered the bar she finally feels able to relax   
  
" Um... I just need the loo. You carry on!"   
  
She smiles as Clay kisses her "I told you he'd be good with it" he frowns, he can still see a look of apprehension in her eyes "You okay?"

"Mmmm hmmm " she groans. Truthfully, her back aches, a lot. The baby feels like it hasn't stopped kicking and her bladder is bulging so much that it hurts "Yeah I'm okay. Just a bit tired"

"Okay we won't stay too long " he kisses her again "You want an orange juice?"

"Um... you know I'll just have a soda water. I can still taste those onion rings!" She smiles . Turning to look at the boys, Ray and Jason reliving tales of their wife's pregnancies and the fate about to befall Clay. "You are gonna speak to him right? About getting the leave authorised"

"Um... yeah. Yeah I'll speak to him, let's just get some beers in first. Then I'll have a word. You sure you're okay? Maybe you should sit down, you look a little pale"

_Mmmm! _"No, I'm good. I just really need a wee that's all. I've been holding too long. I'll leave my phone and bag there, keep an eye on it." She kisses his cheek "Hey, he wasn't as bad about it as I thought he was going to be!" she smiles "It's gonna be okay, I can feel it. I'll be right back"

"No, you're right, he took it a lot better than I thought he would too" He kisses her, running his hand over her bump reassuringly "Now go use the loo!"

She smiles brushing her hand on his cheek "See I'll have you speaking British really soon!"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

_Aahhhhh_! She sighs, the relief in her face as she starts to pee, is something she can't describe. She sits fixed on the toilet seat, closing her eyes.   
  
She groans. _Mmmm! _The ache in her back has ratcheted up from when they first got here. It's been a constant low niggle all day but now it's a pain filled raging ache. She places her hand against it to sooth it. _Mmmm! _She stands up, flushes the toilet and pulls up her combats, taking a deep breath. _  
  
Aahhhhh!_ She stops. Standing still as she receives a sudden painful, cramping twinge in her lower stomach. She's been having them all day, on and off, but not taking too much notice. _  
  
To be expected! _Her midwife said. But now this one was much more forceful and they're becoming more an annoyance. This one lasting much longer than any of the others she's had.   
  
She breaths, though taking short panty breaths, but unlike the others it's followed rapidly by another. This one floors her, and she leans her head on the back of the cubicle door, placing her hand on the underside of her bump, trying to rub and sooth it . "Hey Missy, just calm down in there" she frowns _  
  
Aarghhhh!_ she sits herself on the closed lid of the toilet, her forehead wet with hot sweat as a flush of heat fills her face. _Aahhhhh! Phew! _She breaths out slowly as the cramps come in more regular, fast moving, waves of pain now. The increased intensity starts to make her panic. She's never felt them like this before, they certainly feel different from the ones she's had in the previous days.   
  
Then everything stops the feeling passes and everything is calm again. She smiles "Phew! False alarm. You scared me there for a minute Little Miss Elephant!"   
  
She has a minute just sitting there taking deep slow breaths. Then as she puts her hand to the door to unlock it, as she does she's hit with a sudden rush of excruciating pain and she feels like she's wet herself "Oh god!!" she looks down "Oh my god, no! No... please dear god.... no!"

She stands holding the door looking down at her soaked clothes and the puddle of liquid that's starting to form on the floor. _Oh shit! _"No, not now....Oh shit!" she closes her eyes, praying "Please, don't do this. Not here. I've still got three weeks left!"

_Aahhhhh! Shit!!_ She's gripped by another sudden huge wave of cramping pain and a heavy pressing feeling. _Pheww!_ She tries to breathe through it but this time she has to admit it hurts really bad.   
  
She wants to get out of the small space of the cubicle, but at this moment she can't move as another, even more, painful wave crashes along the muscles of her lower stomach. _Oh shit!!!_ _Aahhhhh!_ "Help!" she cries quietly under her breath.   
  
There's a gently tapping sound of a subdued knock against on the cubicle door "You okay in there?" The softly spoken woman asks.

"Um... yeah, yeah I'm good thanks!" It's a lie she's not good at all, but she doesn't know what to do and doesn't want to make a fuss. "Oh no baby girl, you can't come yet, you're too early!" _Ohhhh! _She grunts. _Grrrrrrrr!_ She has this sudden unexplained urge to push down "Oh god!!!"

She unlocks the door looking straight into the worried face of the pretty blonde standing there.  
Her own face is a red mess of sweaty pain "Um...actually, could you get me .. my um... my _boyfriend?" S_he's not actually sure what she should call Clay, but right now boyfriend seems as good as anything else_ "_I left my phone. He's over by the dart board. There's a group of them. He has blondish, curly hair... he's with a big guy wearing a black cap with a US flag on the front"

"Um ...yeah. Yeah sure " the woman looks concerned "Are you sure you're okay?"

Kelsey nods, then changes her mind. Now shaking her head instead "No! No, can you um... tell him to hurry. I think the baby's coming!"

"Oh god!!! Um... really? Is there something I can do to help?"

"No! No just get him! Clay...his name is.... Clay!" _Urggghh!!! _"OH GOD!!!! "

"Um... yeah. Yeah I'll go now!" the blonde girl panics "You gonna be okay? I won't be a long. I'll find him!"

_Arrrrghhhhh! "_Yeah hurry, please!"  
  
It's Kelsey's turn to panic as the woman disappears from the bathroom and she finds herself alone. _Mmmm! _she moans again. She can feel her pelvic muscles tense, everything is a blur. She's actually not sure where or what is hurting, just that she's in severe pain. She feels like she wants to pee and grunting she feels this almost primal need to bear down and push.   
  
She closes her eyes, forced by her body to do exactly that, to push. _Mmmm! Aahhhhh!..... Grrrrrr!_ She sits herself, uncomfortably, back on the closed toilet lid.

As the pushing sensation fade she sits, alone, with the cubicle door open, looking around the bathroom "Oh please, not here! Please no!"   
  
_Aarghhhhh!!!_ She wants to push again but she fights the feeling, stopping herself but she feels like she's fighting a losing battle something is definitely going on down there.

She decides to be practical and un-zips her wet pants, pulling them down her legs. Closing her eyes, she puts her hand in her knickers to feel. She stands very still not even daring to breath.   
  
She can feel it, a strange hard feeling a little inside the entrance to her body and she starts to panic "Oh no! This is happening too fast. No, no it can't happen. Not like this. Pant Kelsey, don't push!"   
  
She starts panting, probably overdoing it and it makes her feel faint but each time the urge to push comes she opens her mouth and pants. She has this overwhelming need to pee again, but she can't. Then she's suddenly disturbed from her concentration by the sound of the door bursting open.   
  
"KELSEY!!" Clay calls out he's not sure why, it's only a small room with four stalls, so not like he can't find her

"Clay!!! Oh, thank god!... I'm in here!!!" she calls from where she's sat in the end one

"Hey!!" he stands in the door frame, panicked, looking at her sitting there "What's going on? Some woman said the baby was coming?"

"She is!! She can't. Clay, she can't come now, it's too soon. You have to get me out of here. Get me to the hospital"

"Um.. oh okay. You sure? I mean you sure, this happening, now?"

"For god sake, YES!!!" she nods. _Aarghhhhhh!_ She closes her eyes "Yeah, yeah just get me out of here! I can't have this baby in here, not in the toilet of a pub!"

"Okay um.. what do you want me to do?"

"Get me up!"

He helps her up, taking her weight. She makes an attempt to pull her pants up but is not able to zip them fully "Wait!!!.....Wait!!!!"   
  
_Arghhhhh!_ She bears down again trying desperately not to push. She can now see herself in the large mirrors by the sink and the red flush of her cheeks and the beads of sweat on her forehead "Oh god!"

"Hey come on. You're gonna be okay. I'll um.. I'll get the truck, it's just at the front parking lot. We'll...oh god! This can't be happening now!"

They get to the door and as Clay opens it the quiet of the bathroom sanctuary fills with the loud pulsing noise of music and people talking. Lots of people. In fact, the doorway is blocked by a wall of varying people with drinks standing there interacting.   
  
She holds herself frozen, still in the door frame as Clay looks at her "You okay?"

"No! No, I can't, there's too many people. I can't go out there. Not like this. No take me back inside!" _Arrgghhhhh_! "Oh god!" she doubles in half with pain, putting her hands on her knees   
"I said take me back!"  
  
Back inside the cocooned quiet of the bathroom she leans against the countertop looking up in the mirror again " Oh god.. she's coming too quick! I can't ... "_Arrrrghhhh!! Phew!_ "Clay do something! Please, do something!"

Clay can't manage by himself if he's going to get her out he needs help "Okay, alright, stay there I'm gonna get the guys. I'll get Trent he'll know what to do!"

"Just get me ....."_ Aarghhhh!_ "Get me out of here Clay I don't care how!"

"Okay stay put. You okay? No, stupid question!" he sighs watching her torn between leaving and staying "Okay, I'll get some help. It'll be easier to get you out with help"

"Clay.... " She grabs roughly at his arm, clinging to it, her nails gripping his flesh "Don't leave me!!" _  
  
Pheww!!_ She pants and gasps her way through the next contraction. It's only about three minutes since the last one. Even Clay notices how quick it came, and he can see the intense pain in her face _Pheww! _She breathes again, her cheeks puffing out as this contraction steals all of the air from her lungs. _Arrrrghhh_! "Just hurry ... please just hurry!"   
  
She takes a moment as the waves subsides and her mind re-joins her body "Hurry Clay!

"Two minutes I promise. I'll get Trent!" he kisses her head "Two minutes I'll be back with help and we'll get you out!"

"Okay..."_ Pheww! _She keeps breathing, slowly and steadily. And as the door closes behind him she wants to cry. She can't though. Her brain is lost and unable to even make tears. It's busy focusing on controlling the pain that she's in. And it is pain, severe pain. She's never known a pain like it. And she couldn't even begin to describe the feeling to anyone.   
  
It starts at her chest in a huge surging wave and then it takes over her entire body focusing on her groin. A burning, ripping sensation between her legs. _Fuck!! Oh fuck!!!_

"Sonny!!! TRENT!" Clay calls out urgently over the noise in the bar "TRENT!!!" he beckons with his hand, gesturing for help! "Sonny, you need to come!!"   
Clay fights his way across the crowded bar "Sonny!! Oh god.... Sonny, come! " He grabs at his arms spinning around looking for Trent. He spots him leaned over a table talking and without an excuse me, he pulls at him dragging him back toward the bathroom "We need your help!"

"Hey Clay... you wanna another bee....r" Jason frowns from the bar as he sees him "What the hell's wrong with him now?" he frowns at Ray

"Hey! Clay slow down" Trent grabs him, calming his panic down as he looks him in the face "What the hell's wrong with you ?"

He takes a deep breath, his breaths rapid and uncontrolled "It's Kelsey... the baby... the bathroom.... it's coming! The baby its coming!!"

"Okay!" Trent looks at him and unlike Clay, he has this weird surreal calm about him "C'mon then, show me where is she?"

Jason comes back from the bar carrying a tray of shots and beers "Hey!" he looks at Brock "Where'd they all go rushing off to?"

Brock shrugs "I dunno. Clay jabbering somethin' about the baby coming , and Sonny and Trent went with him. To be honest I was asleep, so I didn't really hear what he said "

"What?" Jason frowns. He drinks one of the shots back and then he grabs Ray's arm dragging him towards the bathrooms  
  


**o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

Clay gets back to the ladies' room, bursting through the door "Oh shit!!!" His mouth drops open at the scene in front of him.   
  
Kelsey's made, what can only be described as a nest, from her jacket. She's stripped herself of her wet pants and knickers and she's sitting on the floor, her knees bent holding then with a look of helpless shock on her face.   
  
"Clay!! Thank god. It's too late, she's coming! I can't stop it! ...Oh god, what am I gonna do?"

"It's okay, it's okay!" he can hardly breath let along move as he just stares at her "Trent's here. He knows what to do!" Clay turns around looking at him "You do know what to do, right? I mean you've done this before. Please tell me you've done this before?"

Trent takes a breath as the medic in him takes over "Um.. kind of. A bit, I mean in theory I know what to do. I did help once, in J-Bad, a woman in a village but... well... anyway we don't have a choice. Looks like this one is coming ready or not"

_Arrrghhhh_! Kelsey groans, pushing down as she pulls at her knees. All thoughts of dignity are gone right now. Worrying thoughts about the fact that Clay, and two of his team are crowded over her while she's in the most undignified position of her life, are long since abandoned. Her only focus now is controlling the pain and getting this baby out of her body.  
  
"OH GOD!!" she clamps her teeth together. The pain is raw, it stings like hell, in places she hasn't seen for months. She feels like she's in a drug induced hell where no one can help her. She closes her eyes, pushing again. It's an overwhelming feeling she can't stop, and she zones out to everyone else in the room.

Clay doesn't move he's just frozen to the spot staring. Trent pushes past him. Taking his jacket off rolling it in to a bundle and shoving it under his knees as he bends down in front of her on the cold tiled floor. "Okay do you how far the contraction are apart?"

She shakes her head "I don't know. Um...about a minute, maybe less. They're.. .." _Urggghh_ "...they're coming too quick!"

"Oh shit!" Trent frowns. His training, though limited on childbirth, tells him exactly what that means "Well looks like this is it then. We're not going anywhere now. Kelsey, your baby is coming!"

She nods!! "Yeah... oh god! yeah she is!" Now the tears start to roll down her cheeks. She tries during the short break between contractions, to use the pain respite to rest and breath.

"Let's just get you as comfortable as possible, well given the circumstances"

She nods there's something about Trent's quiet demeanor that calms the panic inside her. She's physically shaking looking up as the door opens again.   
  
It's Sonny he had been waiting outside, ladies' bathrooms are not places he likes to frequent "What the hell's going? What's taking so lo...ng ..... Oh my god!! Is she um... is she having the baby right now?" he close his eyes, he feels weird, unsure if he should be looking or not.

"Yeah!" Clay's dumbstruck he can hardly speak "Um.. yeah I think so"

"Alright.. ." Trent turns around, how he's so calm is scary "Sonny ... "he fishes in his pocket taking out his keys "Sonny, go to my truck, in the back seat, there's a medical bag with some supplies. Somethings I keep for emergencies, bring it! And there's some blankets in the back bring them as well. Then see the bar have any clean towels. Well need to wrap the baby, to keep it warm when it gets here"  
  
"Um ... yeah, yeah sure!" Sonny's still standing with Clay both unable to take their eyes of the scene unfolding in front of them.

"Sonny MOVE!!! ... NOW!!" Trent frowns "Clay you snap out of it, I need you to give me a hand"

"Um... yeah, yeah sure. What do you want me to do?"

"Sit behind her, support her back, give her something to push her weight against!"

"Right ... yeah" Clay sits his body behind her so that she's sat between his legs. He braces himself, his back against the wall behind him. She takes hold of his hands in hers. He can feel how her body's shaking with nerves and anxious panic "Hey, you're gonna be alright, I've got ya. Okay?"

"No!" she sobs "Oh god I don't want this baby like this. This isn't how it was supposed to be. Please......" she starts to cry properly now, a loud sobbing sound.

"Kelsey. Kelsey, look me" Trent's low quiet voice and the way he looks at her unfazed it's calming "I'm sorry but we've got no choice now. Your baby is coming. I can see the head okay, so we're going nowhere. But we're gonna be right here with you. So, it's gonna be fine "   
  
He takes at deep breath in looking at Clay "It's gonna be fine, we're here, and you can do this, okay! Everything's gonna be just fine!"

"But it's too early! She wasn't due for another three weeks."

"Yeah it's a little early, but it'll be okay. You had no problems; with the pregnancy I mean.. so, it'll be alright. We'll get through this!"

"Okay, okay. You've done this before, right? I mean delivered a baby. " She looks at him the calm serene mannerisms he has.

"Well... kind of, maybe not quite the same as this and hey and at least we're not in the middle of a firefight this time. So that's a bonus." he smiles at her

She laughs nodding "Yeah! No gun fire is probably a good thing. And at least one of us knows what they're doing, right!" _Aaarghhhhhhhh! "_Oh god!!!" _Pheww! _She pants again, grunting through this huge wall of pain "Oh god!!!! Oh god, I need to push!" _Arghhhh!_

"Just take slow breaths, okay! Deep and slow. Did you do any classes?"

"Mmmm!" she nods "A couple! Oh..... shit..it hurts!"

"Alright, just do what they told you."

"It hurts so much!" she pushes down hard, her body rigid, pushing her back against Clay's chest. She tries to take hold of his hand but he's busy with his phone.

Trent looks up "Clay! Clay!!! What the hell are you doin man?" he frowns "This is not the time for selfies!"

"Selfies?" She frowns turning around to look at him "Clay don't you dare"

"Oh no um.. no, I was um... just looking, the internet.... giving birth, I thought I could find a website to help"

" Oh my god ....Clay!!!" she elbows him, hard, in the ribs "If you don't put that fucking phone away now then I won't the only one needing medical assistance. Do you...." _arrghhh!_ " ...do you understand me!!" _Arghhhh Grrrrrrrr! _

Clay doesn't say a word putting it down on the floor. Trent smiles as he looks at her and she manages to muster a smile back.

"Hey Clay..."Trent frowns looking at his watch, checking how long they've been in there "Talking of phones. You did call the paramedics right?"

" Oh!!! ....Oh shit, no! No I .. in the rush I forgot!"

"Oh my god!! " she breaths out furious "Clay.... my god. I don't believe you" _Arrrrrghhh! _ "Oh shit ....." _fuck!_ "I need to push!!!"

"Okay then, when the next contraction comes, _push!_ Okay. We're ready when you are." Trent smiles at her taking her hand "It's gonna be okay. You can do this!"

Sonny rushes in the door with Trent's bag " Oh sorry um..... " he awkwardly closes his eyes. Seeing her laying there, legs spread, Trent between them and Clay sitting behind her. It isn't really how Sonny wants to see her but now, fascinated he can't help but stare. The whole thing is like a surreal dream "Um.... Jason and Ray are outside. Stopping people coming in. They wanted to know do you need to do anything?"

"Yeah ...Yeah get them to call an ambulance, cos brains here forgot!! And get them to bring some clean towels, or something similar, we need to wrap the baby up, so it doesn't get cold"

"Yeah sure!" Sonny turns to open the door and just as he does Kelsey lets out an almighty cry

_Arrrrghhhh_! She grits her teeth. Pushing down hard. _Grrrrrrr!_ Keeping her eyes closed, she can't even get a breath as she pushes and pushes.

"Oh god !" Sonny grinds his teeth grimacing at the sounds that she's making. He doesn't breathe either, just watching her using every ounce of energy she has.

Clay braces himself as she grips hard at his fingers. She's squashing them, painfully against each other. All he can do is roll his eyes, trying to counter the ache in his hand. Hoping she doesn't actually break them. He wants to ask her to let go but right now she has full grip on them, and it doesn't feel appropriate to ask her not to squeeze so hard.  
That elbow in the ribs earlier hurt, so he won't go there again "Push! ... Kelsey push! C'mon you can do it " he cheers her on

"Clay.. shut the... fuck up!" _urggghh_ "I am pushing you clown!" She grimaces under her breath

Trent laughs "Kelsey I'm sorry but he's right. The next one you really do need to push, hard!"

She looks up sweat running from her forehead, trying to breath. She gives this death glare to Trent. Wondering if they actually know how hard this is.  
  
He wrinkles his forehead "Okay, slow down ... just pant alright, the heads about to crown." he remembers this bit from one of his medical training books. That to avoid too much tearing this bit needs care "Just pant slowly .. that it. That's it, slowly " he smiles as the head starts to come out" Alright!" he has this big grin as he looks at Clay who can see it too.

"Kelsey, I can see her head! She's nearly here!" Clay kisses the top of Kelsey's head as she keeps her eyes closed trying to cope with the pain without passing out. _Pheww!_ " I can't, I can't do it"   
  
"Yes you can, our baby's gonna be here soon. One more push. You can do this!"

"No, I..." she cries. It hurts. She's tired and she really doesn't think she can do it anymore

Trent takes a gentle hold on the head supporting it "Okay, alright next contraction. One big push and baby will be here. You've nearly done it .. just one more"

_Phew!_ She breaths deep, sucking in air through teeth, fidgeting. Her butt aches from the hard floor and her legs are shaking from all the adrenaline. She can't get comfortable, then she feels the wave building "Oh god!!!" she closes her eyes tight as the wave of pain reaches a peak.

Trent can see it. He can almost feel the contractions in her muscles now. She pushes herself back into Clay body. He supports her letting her rest for a moment "Oh!!! Oh, it hurts so much! Oh ... oh god!!"

Clay looks at Trent "Can't you give her something? I mean, for the pain. You must have something?"

"Yeah I have morphine in here but...but I don't think it will help now! It will take too long to have any effect, by the time I administer it, the baby will be here. Kelsey, you're doing great honey, just _one _more big push!"

She nods. _Pheww!_ She's using the break between contractions to get her breath back. Taking short sharp pants.

Trent turns around "Sonny, did you get Jason to call the paramedics? We're gonna need them."

"Oh shit ... yeah!" he pulls at the door and opens it. Jason and Ray are guarding protectively outside "Jace... you need to call an ambulance, and we need something to wrap the baby in"

"How's she' doin ?" Ray frowns quickly checking the doorway They can see her laid there on the floor

"Um... yeah, yeah it's all good. Trent's got it in control"

He and Ray just look at each other not really knowing what to say. This certainly isn't the way that Sonny envisaged the day turning out.

_Arrrrrrghhhh!_ "OH GOD!!!!! Jeeesuss!!" She bears down again; she can feel a sudden gush it feels like she's wetting herself in an uncontrolled way and she grips at Clay's hands squeezing it hard.

Trent looks at her "Okay, ready then... PUSH!!! Kelsey, PUSH! ...C'mon, keep going, keep going, it's coming!"

_Arrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggghh!!!!_  
  
She cries out, closes her eyes and forcing the push down into her pelvis with all her energy.

"Push Kelsey!" Clay whispers in her ear. "Just push!! I can see her coming, so PUSH!"

"Shut up! .... Shut up Clay! Just shut the hell up! I am fucking pushing; what do you think I'm trying to do!_ Awww fuck!!!!_ I can't, I can't do this!"

"Keep pushing!" Trent takes a gentle hold of the baby's head as it emerges.

Sonny gasps "Oh my god!!! Push! Kelsey, push!!"

She looks up hearing them all calling her name, telling her to do what she is. The whole situation is like some painful fantasy nightmare.

Then suddenly there a gush, and a relieved sound of her sighing as the wave of pain subsides. She relaxes, eyes closed into Clay's arms. He brushes the wet, sweaty strands of hair from her face, smiling.

She opens her eyes suddenly to angry, wailing sounds of a baby crying.

Jason opens the door, handing the towels he acquired from the bar, to Sonny. He watches, seeing Trent unwrapping the cord from the baby's neck. Cleaning the baby, checking it as he wipes it gently with the towel.

"Oh my god!!" Sonny smiles, letting go of the breath he was holding "Oh god Clay! You had a baby!!"

Kelsey looks up with a glare, she sighs exhausted "Yeah! Cos like he did all the fucking hard work" she frowns

Everyone laughs and she finally relents letting her lips curl into a smile as Clay kisses her.

She breaths through her nose. _Pheww! _She still has some small after contraction pains_. _Groaning much more softly now, as the pain slowly recedes. Trent wraps the baby in a towel, gently placing it against her chest with the cord still intact.

"Don't you need to cut that?" Clay frowns wondering what they should be doing now.

"No, we'll wait until the paramedics get here. It's better to wait"

She smiles. She is still having some after pains having not delivered the placenta yet but at long last she can smile. Looking down at the little bundle of blue eyes staring up at her "Is she alright? The baby I mean. She is good, right?"

"_She's_ fine!" Trent smiles "Well.... apart from the fact that... _she_ is a _HE!_ "

"A, _HE_ ?" She gasps "Oh my god!!" unwrapping the towel, just enough to be able to check "Oh my god, Clay! It's a boy!!" she suddenly starts sobbing uncontrollably.

"Woah!" Clay takes a breath, kissing her "I got a _son_!" Clay looks up smiling at Sonny "Oh my god! I got a boy!"

Sonny smiles "Hey, well done you!"

She relaxes back into Clay's arms. Trent covers her legs with the blankets, while they wait for the paramedics. He's sitting back on his heels, smiling.   
  
Kelsey looks at him and smiles "Thank you! I couldn't have done this without you."

The paramedics arrive in a few minutes of the delivery, and while the guys all wait outside the bathroom, and they deal with her aftercare. They can hear Kelsey cry out a few times more.

"Shit!" Sonny wipes his head "Oh my god! I never wanna go through that again! I feel like I gave birth myself"

Trent frowns at him "Yeah well, word of advice, I wouldn't tell Kelsey that. She might have a few choice words for you!"

"No guess not!" Sonny smiles "That girl done good and Clay, should be proud of her!"

The bathroom door opens, and Clay comes out, while they prepare Kelsey and the baby, ready to leave for the hospital.   
  
"I got a boy!!" He's beaming. He looks like he's about to faint as the guys all pat him on the back, congratulating him.

The paramedics bring the blanket wrapped Kelsey, baby in arms, out on a chair and as they do a huge cheer, goes up in the bar, followed by clapping. Kelsey blushes embarrassed, relieved that it's all over.

Jason looks at Clay "So? What was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

Clay smiles "You know it really doesn't matter now!"


	17. How hard can it be?

"Hey, I got you a coffee, Clay."

"Shhhhh!" He puts his finger against this lips indicating for Sonny to quieten down "We'll go in the corridor." he hushes his voice "She's still sleeping" 

Clay's carrying the tiny bundle of baby in his arms. He's curled up tight against his chest wearing a massively oversized light blue all in one. Little white mittens on his hands, and a matching cotton hat.   
  
Clay protectively wraps his large strong hands around him, supporting his head, the way the nurse showed him, last night.   
  
Sonny and Trent smile, watching how expert Clay's suddenly become in handling him, and how peacefully the baby is sleeping.

"Wow! He's tiny, I'm sure he looked much larger last night when he was coming out!" Sonny smiles "How's he doin ?"

"Yeah, they said he's doing great, considering he's a little early. He's in really good shape, a real little fighter. He sure as hell has some lungs on him for something so small. Nearly screamed the place down when Kelsey was trying to feed him in the night" 

"How's she doing?" Trent smiles rubbing the baby's cheek with his large finger. 

"She's okay. She hasn't said much to be honest, but I think she's tired. She's been asleep since she fed him about four am "

"I don't blame her" Sonny smiles " I'd need to sleep after what she went through" 

"Here... you wanna hold him?" Clay turns the baby around watching as he blinks his eyes, opening them only for seconds then closing them tight as Clay holds him in Sonny's direction. 

"Oh um... I don't know. I don't think I can, I mean he's kinda small. I don't wanna hurt him, right!"

"Here just hold him, while I drink this coffee. You won't hurt him" he passes him to the crook of Sonny's arm "Just make sure you hold his head, and he'll be fine"  
  
Trent smiles "You can certainly see you in him."

"You think?" 

"Oh yeah! " Trent pauses hearing footsteps he turns around "Oh, here's Jason."

"Hey, how's it going?" Jason smiles watching Sonny awkwardly frozen to the spot the tiniest of humans nestled in his huge arms, holding him nervously like he's made of glass "How you doin?"

"Yeah we're good!" Clay sits down and drinks the takeaway that Sonny brought, watching as Sonny now gladly passes him to to Trent.

"Hey little man, you remember me? " Trent smiles 

"Yeah like a nightmare" Jason laughs "Imagine that face being the first thing you saw when you enter the world! Traumatize him for life I'd say!" they all laugh "So you thought of any names for him yet? God I remember how hard that was, finding the right names, that we could both agree on. In the end we didn't, agree I mean, Alana just told me what they were gonna be!"

"No! I've been racking my brain all night. Not come up with anything I like yet. To be honest, its not something I'd thought about, I mean I'd considered a couple of girls names but boys, no! I have a couple I think I like, but I just can't decide" 

"What's Kelsey suggest?"

"Oh um.. I haven't really spoken to her about it yet. I guess she chose girls names too. But, she's been asleep most of the night she only woke up a couple of times to feed him and that was it. We didn't have time to talk. I was hoping to have some ideas before she woke up."

Trent smiles "I'd imagine she's still in shock. I mean it wasn't exactly what she was expecting, happening like that. It'll probably take her a while to adjust to everything " 

"Yeah guess so ..but I mean its not like she didn't know he was gonna come soon, she only had three weeks left" He finishes the coffee, dropping the cup into the trash can. He takes the baby back into his arms "You know I can't believe he's mine? It just doesn't feel real" 

"Mr Spenser!..." Clay turns around,looking down the end of the corridor as a nurse calls his name "Mr Spenser!" She hurries down the hallway towards where they're sitting at the end. "Clay... S-Spenser?" She asks smiling "You're with Kelsey, Roberts?"

"Um.. yeah. Is she alright?"

"Oh yeah, yeah. Nothing to worry about, she's still asleep but um.. we were looking for you. We just wondered where baby went that's all. Look um... can we get him back, to the room?"   
She smiles rubbing the baby's cheek while he's tucked safely against Clay chest. He opens his eyes wide and looks at her "Hey, your Mommy will be waking up soon, yes she will!" She looks up at Clay "I'd just rather he be there when she does"

"Why is there something wrong?" Clay frowns 

"No, no nothing's wrong . We just don't wanna separate them too much. We need to make sure they have some bonding time at this early stage. If she wakes and he's not there she might, well she might feel a little anxious. I'd just rather he was there where she can see him. It's better for them both. Yes it is" she makes this cooing voice "We don't want you to miss your Mommy do we!" 

"Oh um ... yeah, of course. I'll come back now. I didn't think."

"Look, Clay... why don't we lay him down for a while, I mean the nurse from last nights shift said you'd been here all night. You need to rest as well and you can't do that with him in your arms, can you"   
She smiles taking the baby from him "Why don't I take him back to the room, and you can go home, get some rest and sort some things out that they'll need later when you pick them up to come home."

"Home, they're coming home? Today!"

"Yeah, I can't see any reason they would need to stay any longer. I mean obviously the doctor will check later this morning, but they both seem to be in very good health, so I don't see any obvious reason to delay" 

"Oh wow, today! Wow! Um... yeah I....I suppose I could.. I mean....oh wow!" he gasps and looks at the guys "Yeah, I do need to do somethings then" 

"Well you've been with him all night. We can give your Mommy some time, help her get a feeding routine started. You can go back, get the car seat, maybe some clothes, diapers that kinda thing." 

"Um.. .okay" he reluctantly hands the baby over, kissing his head "Um.. tell Kelsey I'll see her in while then"  
  
" I will, they'll be fine don't worry. Say, bye daddy!"  
  
The nurse turns and walks away and Clay rubs his head anxiously "Shit! What am I gonna do now?"

Jason frowns looking at him "What do you mean what are you gonna do now? Why what do you have to do? " 

"Well I mean, we.... we don't have _anything_. Not a single thing, for the baby. I mean we were...well we were actually planning on going back to the UK, before all this. Her baby things are there. I mean I don't have anything to take him home in, no crib, no clothes, no nothing. What the hell am I gonna do now?" 

"Well okay, calm down!" Sonny looks at him patting him on the shoulder "Don't worry Clay, we got this. We're a team, right? So we go buy our new recruit some gear. We just go shopping!"

"Shopping?!" 

"Well yeah, why not? I mean how hard can it be to shop for a baby? I mean they don't do much yet, sleep, eat and poop so what can they need?"

"Sleep eat and poop. You sure this is not you we talking about here Sonny!" Jason laughs "Though I have to say I think you're over simplifying this. But yeah that sounds like a plan. We're gonna need some help though" he takes out his cell phone 

Clay frowns "Who you callin'?"   
  
"Well if we're going baby shopping, then we need to call in some expertise in this field!" 

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Okay then!" Clay takes a sharp intake of breath, looking around the store. It's floor to ceiling filled with an array of baby items "Oh wow! I you know I didn't realise there was so much stuff. Where the hell do we start?" 

"Well sure as hell, don't ask me." Sonny frowns "This is your specialist area now!"

_Shit! _ Clay takes another breath looking at the rough list he made on his phone, and he looks anxiously at Jason and Trent as they join them "Okay, so um... yeah I'm not exactly sure what we need. Jason you've done this before, where do we start?"

"Hey don't look at me. When we had Emma and Mikey, Alana and her Mom covered all this. I was on deployment both times. I mean sure, I bought some clothes and cuddly toy back with me but... don't ask me what they need for essentials. Anyway, don't worry the expert is here now "   
  
They turn around as Ray and Naima walk through the door of the store towards them.  
  
"Hey Naima!" Clay smiles relieved "thanks so much for coming along. I guess we don't have a clue where to start or what I need!"

"Well..." Ray smiles " first thing important thing, do you have your credit card?"

"Yeah, sure why?" 

"Cos um...you're about to find out, babies don't come cheap!" he smiles "C'mon we'll start with a crib." 

**o-o-o-o-o-o**

The have three full carts of various essentials and they're loading it all into the back of Clay's truck .  
  
"How the hell can something that small need this much gear?" Sonny frowns loading the final box onto the back "I mean we don't take this much stuff on deployment!" 

Naima kisses Ray on the cheek " Okay well I have to go. I start my shift soon. Clay, congratulations." She kisses his cheek "You did check if Kelsey needs anything?" 

Clay frowns "Such as what ?" 

"Well you know, toiletries and things?"

Clay looks at Sonny and they both shrug "Such as what do you mean?" 

"Clay .." she sighs ".. she just had a baby. There's things.... you know what, I'll get the things that she might need and then I'll check in on her before I start my shift "

"Oh, okay. That would be great, thanks. Tell her, I'll be there as soon as I can. We just need to get this stuff unloaded. If she needs anything else she'll have to call me"

Ray smiles at his wife "Thanks, I'm gonna go back with them for a while. Help put this crib together. Keep him organized!" He laughs 

"Hmm!" Naima frowns "Well I hope he has better luck with yours, than he did with ours, cos it took him five days to get it together!"

"Yeah we'll I still say there was a part missing." 

"Oh c'mon Ray seriously?" Sonny laughs "I mean how hard can putting a crib together be? "

**o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Okay, so I have screw A ! Where the hell did you say that goes?" Sonny rubs his head "How the hell can this be so hard? "

"I still say we're missing a piece." Ray frowns

"Um.. I don't know, but that must go in this piece right?" 

The boys stand looking at all the pieces they have laid on the floor. Scratching their heads confused.  
  
"Jeez I need a other beer. I mean, Clay can he not just sleep in the box or somethin ? "

Ray and Trent smile. Jason picks up another large part "Okay lets think about this. We're SEALS we can get in anywhere so we can't be defeated by a crib, right?" 

Clay looks at the instructions again as Sonny stands at the refrigerator taking out beers. "Ray you want one? 

"No, no I'm okay thanks. I need to get off soon away. Sort the kids before Naima gets back from her shift" 

Sonny closes the refrigerator door "Hey Clay, this your cell phone? He holds it up, cos it ringing?" 

"No, it's um .. oh shit I forgot that was there, it's Kelsey's! Brock dropped it early on the way to take Cerb to an appointment. She left it in the bar with her purse yesterday" Clay picks it up and looks at it, as he takes a sip of his beer. He sighs out loud.

"You okay?" Sonny frowns as he watches him

"Um.. yeah. Yeah sure, it's nothing"

"Don't look like nothing." Sonny frowns concerned watching the look on this face " Something wrong?" 

"Oh, I don't know... probably nothing"   
  
He turns the phone screen to face Sonny "Alex?" Sonny shrugs "So who the hell's Alex?" 

"_He's _a _friend_ of Kelsey's" 

"_Hmm! So,_ when you say_ friend,_ do you mean friend or .... _friend_?" 

"She says friend. But she also said she'd tell him to stop calling. So what guy keeps calling, eight times, after he's told not to. So does that say friend or more than friends to you?" he sighs. Taking another sip of his beer. 

"So what do you know about him, this _friend_?" 

"Some guy. He's British. He's a marine! " he laughs " She says he was just a friend helping while she was pregnant. Took her out a few times, dinner.. that sort of thing. She said it was nothing and that nothing happened more than that." 

"A bullet catcher! Oh wow! Well I doubt you got anything to worry about there then. She tell him what you do? Seriously Clay you don't have nothing to worry about, but what? You don't believe her." 

"Oh c'mon Sonny what guy keeps trying to call a woman like Kelsey if he s not_ interested"_

"You know she might be tellin' the truth. And you're reading too much into it?" Ray looks up and frowns "I mean she was having a baby, she was on her own. What would he have to gain? C'mon Clay give her the benefit of the doubt here. If she said nothing happened then maybe it didn't" 

"Hmmm! Yeah ... yeah you're probably right. I'm probably just being over protective"

"Anyway he say what he wants? I mean to call eight times, must be important right?" 

"No,I don't know" Clay shrugs "I mean, he doesn't actually know she's here, in the US. She didn't tell him that"

"Well maybe he's just worried then. I mean, he knows she's pregnant, right. So maybe he's just calling to find out if she's okay, concerned. If he didn't get a reply." 

"I guess. I mean he won't know she's had the baby yet either, her phone being here" 

"So you gonna tell him?" 

"No. Well I hadn't planned to. Why do you think I should?" 

"Well..." Sonny shrugs and smiles " I mean, it would be an excuse, you know, to find out what he wants, his intentions and....um.. maybe make it clear, to not to call again? Explain a few things about you and her. That kinda thing. All I'm saying is no one would find it odd if you answered, just to tell him she had the baby, right?"

Clay scratches his head as the cell stops vibrating "Yeah um.. yeah, you could be right. I mean I guess I'll see if he calls back first"   
  
He sighs and looks at his watch "Jeez is that the time! This is taking forever and I need to think about getting back to the hospital . Are we gonna get this finished" 

Sonny rolls his eyes "I still say can't he sleep in a box!"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Hey!" Clay puts his head around the door and smiles, looking at Kelsey as she sits up in the bed "You okay?" 

"Hey you!" She smiles "Yeah, I'm good thanks" 

Clay brushes her hair back, kissing her forehead "So how you feelin now?"

"Tired. Sore, like I've been in a fight. But I managed a shower so that's a start"

"You look great! All kinda glowy and Mom like" 

"Oh thanks!" she frowns "Hey, did you bring me some clothes. Only I don't have any trousers or knickers only these paper things the hospital gave me. I could do with getting dressed"

"Oh..um... shit! You know I kinda forgot." he looks at the canvas bag in his hand "I mean I um.. brought stuff, clothes, diapers for him. It never errm... crossed my mind. I forgot you didn't have anything. Sorry. You want me to go back and get somethin ?"

"Oh Clay!" she sighs "Shit! Well you're gonna have to, I can't go home in this gown" 

"Okay well, I'll speak to the nurse. Maybe they'll have something, rather than go back then come back again. I just wanna get you both home" 

She sighs watching as Clay makes a move to pick up the baby "Clay can you just leave him. I only just settled him down. It took ages to get him to sleep. He didn't feed very well and, well he's been a bit well you know grumpy" 

"Awww. Listen to your Mommy calling you grumpy. You're not grumpy, you're probably just hungry, right." he turns around holding him to his chest "You wanna try feeding him again, while I'm here?" 

"No not right now. He was fine. Anyway how are you gonna help with feeding him? That's just stupid there's nothing you can do!" She snaps at him "Sorry, sorry Clay, I'm just tired. I didn't mean that. I just wanna get out of here." 

"I know." he kisses her "We'll find you some clothes, and then we'll go. Hey there's the nurse."

"So how are we all doing? Ready to take baby home then?" She smiles but she can feel a slightly abrasive atmosphere "You alright Kelsey?"

"Um.. yeah..." She nods "I'm okay, just that ... well he didn't bring me any clothes to home in. You don't have anything here do you ?" 

"Um... you know I might be able to find you a pair of scrubs would they do ?"

Kelsey's face drops but she nods her head "Yeah I suppose. I mean I guess they'll have to" she sighs 

"So how did he feed this time?"

Kelsey shrugs "I don't know. He seemed to not wanna do it. Just kept crying. Maybe it's me. It just feels really uncomfortable. Maybe I should try the bottles, perhaps he'd be better with those? And at least he'd get something to eat, right?"

"Hey give yourself time. He's not even a day old yet, not many people get it first go. Give it a few days see how you're both coping and then decide, is my advice" 

"So, what's the problem?" Clay frowns turning to look at them both " There a reason he won't feed, is there something wrong?"  
  
The nurse frowns "No, there's nothing wrong, they both just need a little time to adjust. Nothing that can't be over come" 

"But you're gonna carry on right. I mean you're not gonna stop? It's better for him, right. I mean its the best for him"

"Yeah I suppose" Kelsey shrugs for some unexplained reason she can stupidly feel tears well in her eyes "I just ...I don't know,it's just not as easy as I thought it would be. You know it kinda hurts" 

"Hey, c'mon it'll be fine. At the end of the day, you have to do the best thing for him. Am I right" he looks around at the nurse "I mean that's what they tell you, that its best for baby. I mean I read up on it and that's best" 

Kelsey bites her lip, she can really feel the unwanted tears filling her eyes and she looks awkwardly up at the nurse "Yeah, yeah I guess he's right. I'll keep trying"

The nurse takes her hand and squeezes it "Just give yourself a day and think about it. We can show you some different techniques. " She smiles "So, I' ll get you those scrubs and you're ready to go!"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**


	18. A name

As Clay opens the apartment door and Kelsey walks in. Her mouth drops open as she looks around   
  
"Jesus Christ Clay!" she turns looking at him frowning " What did you do? Did you buy the entire baby shop?"

"Um...no. No just the essentials. Well ...." he frowns as she holds up some toys "...yeah, and I guess a few extras. But I got a crib, car seat, diapers, clothes, ....bath, um... you know things we need."

"Wow!" She nods, smiling "Well, I think you thought of everything." She sighs "So, I guess this is us now! We have a baby."   
  
She sighs loudly as she looks around at the overwhelming array of things he now has filling the apartment. " You know, actually, I need to get some things too, so perhaps you can run me to the shops later? Supposedly I can't drive for a couple of weeks, among other things I can't do for a while."

"Well I can but, I thought I got everything he needs, well for now"

"Yeah well, there are some things that_ I _need too"

"Such as what ?"

"Clay!" She sighs " It's just some _girl_ things. You know personal _stuff_" she can feel an awkward color blushing in her cheeks as she tries to explain, without going into too many details right now.

"Such as what_ girl _things?" He laughs, using what sounds like a really dismissive tone "I told you I got everything. I mean Ray and Naima even helped me get the stuff. All the guys helped out. They were great!"

"Yeah but, that's things for him. I need..." _Hmmm _she sighs, frustrated with him for making such an issue out of her request "I just need you know ... _pads, _and things. I'm still bleeding and if that wasn't enough, then my boobs are leaking like crazy. So can you take me or not?"

"Oh! Oh ... yeah right. Yeah, sorry I didn't think. You know actually I think that's what Naima, what she might have sorted. All those sorts of things. She left a bag for you. I've put it in the bedroom for now. Sorry" he smiles at her, kissing her lips gently "Sorry, I didn't think"

"It's okay." she sighs. _Pheww_ "God this is not easy, right? I guess it's all gonna take a bit of getting used to. I mean we weren't exactly prepared for this to happen, well not like this. Sorry, I just feel a bit lost, it's all a big muddle"

The baby, who's still wrapped up in his car seat, now starts to cry. Clay smiles at her "Guess he'll need feeding again?"   
  
He un-clips the seat straps, lifting him gently out, taking his little jacket off. She smiles watching as Clay holds him tight to his chest. Then she laughs. All the clothes that they have are way too big, and his feet are halfway down the legs, not fitting where they should in the feet part of the babygro.   
  
She strokes the back of his head with her finger, while Clay tries to comfort his crying. Clay smiles leaning across to kiss her. "We're gonna be fine. We'll soon get the hang of this."   
  
He looks at the baby kissing his cheek "Shhh! Shhh! Hey you, yes Mommy's just coming " he hands him over to her "Guess that's your department."

"Okay" she sighs frowning. She still feels really tired, and this feeding is making her anxious "Yeah right, he needs feeding, again. You know perhaps, I mean, maybe we could think about formula? Get some bottles. Just in case this won't work out."

"Hey..." he puts his hand to her cheek "..c'mon, you're gonna be fine. You'll soon get the hang of it. You just need to give yourself some time. You know, not everyone can do it straight way, sometimes you just have to adjust techniques and things"

She smiles "You've been reading the internet again, haven't you?"

"Well...well yeah. Yeah, I admit, I did look up a couple of things," He smiles and kisses her lips again "Hey, come see the crib first, before you do that." He leads her by the hand as she carries baby holding him tucked into the crook of her neck "Ray said if I put it nearer the bed, on your side, it would be easier for you in the night"

"Yeah" She nods apprehensively. Looking at everything in it's place around the apartment, it all feels a little overwhelming "Yeah, I suppose. I mean I hadn't thought." The whole reality of this is now starting to dawn on her. She feels like she's in a numb shock "That's great, really great!" She smiles looking at the crying baby against her chest "Hey, come on little man stop crying. Look Daddy got you a bed." she sighs anxioulsy "Well, I guess I better feed him, then"

"Sure, let's go sit through here. I'll get us something to eat as well. You hungry?"

"Yeah, yeah I am actually"

She settles herself with the pillow supporting her, on the couch. Then taking a deep breath she undoes the clip on her bra. It's awkward because she doesn't have a nursing bra "Clay, just hold him, I need to take this off"  
  
He really starts crying now and Clay tries to keep her him calm "Yeah I know, you're hungry. Mommy's coming" he watches as she slips he bra off unbuttoning the front of the shirt she's wearing.  
  
"Okay." she tries latching him on. She smiles looking up awkwardly as Clay watches them  
  
"See you're getting it. Just takes practice"  
  
"Hmmm!" She smiles through, what is a sore pain. Her breast feels like a hot burning sensation with prickling when he sucks.   
  
Then they both look up as there's a loud knock at the door. Clay looks at his watch "Oh that'll be the guys. I said they could come see him, when we got back"

"What?" she frowns trying to adjust her shirt as she lets out a long-exhausted sigh " Clay really? I can't believe you told them to come. Can't we just have some us time to ourselves first?"

"Oh, c'mon. They really helped me out this morning. Then they stayed, helped put all this stuff together, after. We wouldn't have anything if they hadn't helped me out. I thought you might want wanna say thanks to Trent for everything he did yesterday"

"Um... yeah, yeah sure." she tries to stand up "Well at least let me go in the bedroom, to feed him first. Before you let them in"

"No, no stay where you are. They'll be fine with it. Don't worry about that."  
  
"Clay, please.." She makes an attempt to stand up, but it's too late, Clay's already opened the door and she now finds herself, shirt undone, faced with all the guys holding out packs of beer. Congratulating Clay, once again

"Hey!" Sonny smiles "How's my favorite new Bravo boy ... Oh um ...um I'm sorry." Sonny looks awkwardly away, finding himself staring directly at her breast. He feels as awkward as Kelsey does and they both mildly blush "I didn't mean to... I mean it wasn't my intention. I didn't realise you were feeding him"

"Look, it's okay, it's not your fault. If you don't mind, I'm gonna go to the bedroom. You carry on. We won't be long"

"Clay..."Ray sighs "You should have said she was feeding him. We could come back another day once its more convenient"

"Oh, it doesn't matter" he smiles "She'll get used to it. It's just all new right now. Besides I want you all to see him. And to say thanks for helping me out this morning"

Ray frowns and looks at the guys "Look maybe this..."He holds up the beers "..this is not a good idea, right now? I mean they only just got home. Perhaps give you both a chance to get settled into a routine for tonight. Get use to your new addition. I mean, Kelsey especially must still be in shock. Bad enough when the baby comes when you're expecting it, but out of the blue like that... it's pretty out there, man"

"I suppose" Clay frowns "I think she's alright, she hasn't said anything. C'mon look, I've got some cold ones in the fridge, and the game's on in a minute"  
  
Jason and Ray look at each other and they exchange frowns "Okay, only if you're sure?"

Clay smiles "Yeah, course!"

"So Clayy, you thought of names yet?"  
  
"No, no I ... I'm still thinking over a couple. I did consider, Ash, but, I guess not!" He laughs

"Hey, you told him yet. That you're a father now. I mean it's gonna come as a shock, right?"

"No, I haven't had a chance. We ... we had that planned to tell him today, I mean before everything happened. I guess I'm gonna have to now."

Sonny laughs "Oh you know, I would love to be a fly on that wall, when you tell Ash Spenser, he's a grandpa! I mean, Ash's ego, that's gonna hit the wall!"

"Oh yeah, Ash Spenser, a grandfather." Jason laughs "Gonna blow the street cred, he thinks he has with the ladies, outta the water."

Clay smiles "Yeah there is some bonus to it I suppose/"

"Hey but seriously Clay. He's gonna love him, okay. He's beautiful. You did good, he's gonna make a proper pipe hitter. Third generation, right?" Sonny raises his beer "To baby Spenser!"

**o-o-o-o-o-o**

Kelsey lets out a long deep sigh as the baby's finally, after some perseverance, has had enough milk to satisfy him into sleep.   
  
She lays him down in the crib beside her watching him through the bars, how tiny he looks. This tiny human that didn't seem quite so tiny yesterday when she had to push him out of her body. She smiles watching as she lays herself back against the pillows. His tiny lips moving, eyes tight shut, and she finally relaxes

As she looks around she can see her brown purse, and another larger brown paper shopping bag beside it. It's the bag Naima left for her. She gets up to check it and finds it filled with sanitary products, breast pads, new knickers and ... some chocolate! She smiles.

"Thanks Naima!" She's gulping back the emotional, tearful lump in her throat. The fact a woman, a woman she doesn't even know, hasn't even met yet, has sorted her some things. It makes her unravel, she can't explain why, and she starts to cry.   
  
Wiping the tears from her face, with her shaking hand. "Oh, c'mon Kelsey, get a grip. Pull it together!" she sniffs back the tears, sucking in air through her teeth as she tries to calm herself down.   
  
She aches, in muscles she didn't realise she had, she's sore, she can't pee without a stinging sensation and her breasts hurt so much that she daren't even touch them. She wants to lay down and sleep for a month but every three hours she has endure the burning agony of feeding a baby. _This is not how I imagined it would be!_  
  
She wipes her face again. She can now hear a buzzing sound. It's her phone ringing. She quickly tries to find it so as not to wake the baby. Sifting in the bottom of her brown leather bag. "Oh my god my phone!" She smiles wondering earlier where it had gone. Picturing it now, left on the table in the bar, before the events of yesterday's unfolded.

Looking at the caller ID she smiles.  
  
"Alex hi!" She sighs with a relief about someone to talk to "Oh my god, am I glad to hear from you, right now!"

"Hey, you okay? Look Kelsey, I'm sorry, I know what Clay said about not calling you anymore, but I ...I just wanted to check you were okay. He said you had the baby yesterday. Is everything alright?"

"Um.. " She swallows barely able to speak for tears now "...yeah, yeah I'm good"

"Can you talk. I mean I'll go if it's not convenient. If you're doing something . You must be busy. Actually, I should imagine you wanna sleep. What time is it over there?"

"Um.. no, I'm good. It's late afternoon. Alex, it's so good to hear from you. Look, just hold on a minute"   
  
She gets up and quietly closes the bedroom door shut "That's better. Now we can talk. What did you mean when you said Clay said not to call? When did you speak to Clay?"

"Oh um.. this morning. I tried to call you a few times and then he answered, look it doesn't matter. I think it was, just his way, you know, of warning me off.I guess it's all a bit daunting for him right now. Suddenly having being a father thrust on him. He must worry where he stands"

"Yeah but still, he had no right to say you shouldn't call me. I'm sorry. So you finished training for now?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm on two weeks leave before some more new recruits arrive. Anyway, enough of boring military stuff. So, you have quite a bit of gossip to catch me up on. Kelsey, what the hell made you fly out there?"

"Oh I don't know. I think I went mad!" she laughs "Seriously, I guess you were right when you said I should tell Clay about the baby. I just didn't expect it to turn out like this. You know having the baby here. It was a bit unexpected. "

"Yeah I can imagine. So, you both okay? The baby he's doing alright, yeah?"

"Yeah!" She snivels again, sniffing back her tears. "Alex, I should never have come. You're right it was stupid. I should have told him on the phone. What ever possessed me?"

"Hey, come on. Don't cry. You're just tired and then mix in some hormones. It's to be expected. You're away from home. Everything's gonna feel a little strange. You 'll get through it. Clay's been alright about it though, yeah? He's happy about the baby? He sounded like he was as he spoke to me. And he's helping you right?"

"Oh yeah. Yeah he's been great with the baby. Perfect. He's a great dad. I mean he's gonna be such a great dad. Oh God!" she bursts into tears again, sobbing openly while checking the baby and trying not to wake him .

"Hey! Hey, c'mon what's wrong ? Kelsey tell me." he sighs as he can't say anything to calm her down "Kelsey are you alright? Look, is Clay there?"

"Yeah he's here. I'm just in the bedroom. The baby needed feeding."

"You feeding him yourself? I thought you said you were doing bottles, not that it matters, I mean it's good if you are. So, how's that going"

"Yeah .....um... no, no it's not good! No actually it's not! I don't think I can do it. I mean he just.... I don't know if its gonna work. I mean Clay ... Clay wants me to do it, but...but I can't get it right. I don't have any clothes, none of the things I bought, I mean.... Oh god what is wrong with me I can't stop crying."

"Hey! Hey calm down. You're gonna be fine.Just calm yourself down. This isn't going to help. You've spoken to Clay about this? About how you're feeling." she can hear in his voice he's frustrated. He feels helpless that he can't help her from where he is "Where is he, right now?"

"Oh, he's here, in the living room.His...his unit, are here. They came to see the baby. I'll have to go in a minute".

"So, what do you need?"

"What do you mean, what do I need?"

"Well you said you don't have any clothes, or your things. So what do you need? Text me a list. I still have your spare key. I'm on two weeks R and R now, so I'll pack up some things and I'll fly out to you"

"I don' t know. I mean.. oh, I'm just being stupid I just..."_ Pheww!_   
She tries to get her breath sucking air back quickly through her nose trying to stop the tears. Just hearing Alex's voice somehow unleash her sobs "It's just so chaotic, I mean I wasn't expecting this. It's not how I planned it. I can't even come back, to the UK, because I can't fly. At least not for a couple of weeks, and I have to sort the baby a passport. I don't even know where to start. I just don't have anything and..."

"Hey, c'mon take a breath. This is not you. You need to take it slow. One thing at a time. Sleep first. You just had a baby. I'm sure you're doing just great, but you need to sleep, rest take care of you"   
  
"Yeah, yeah I guess so. It just, it all just seems too much"

"That's because you're tired. Just take breath, and text me a list of what you want, and I'll be out in a couple of days"

"No really, I can't ask you to do that. But thank you"

"You're not asking, I'm offering. Plus I wanna come see this baby. So, you not used the name you chose then? I mean you're not sticking with it."

"Um... I don't know yet , we err... well I.. I haven't talked about it with Clay, I mean it still fits. Well, that was the idea wasn't it, that it was a unisex name. But I haven't had the chance to talk with Clay about it yet. There's not really been any time"

"Sure, must have been a surprise. Coming early, then a boy! See, I told you the way he was kicking, you had a premier league player in there"

She smiles "Yeah you did. Look I'm gonna have to go!"

"Yeah I have some reports I need to finish up. But I'll get a flight booked. It's Friday here, so it'll prob be Sunday when I get there. Give me a couple days"

"Okay. And Alex, thanks for calling. You've been really great. You know this past couple months I ... " she sighs "Hey ... you wanna see him? On face time I mean" she turns the camera on and hovers it over the crib and the sleeping baby "Can you see him?"

"Oh my god! Kelsey, he's beautiful. A real tiny little bundle."

She looks up, hearing someone coming to the door, and it opening " Look I gotta go, he's crying . So, are you're gonna come for real?"

"Yup. Text me that list, and I'll see you for real in a couple of days. Keep your chin up okay. And talk to Clay, tell him how you're feeling. Okay I'm going now. See you Sunday"

"Yeah! See you Sunday!" _Oh god!_ She wipes the tears, fighting them back, as she cuts off the call.

"Hey!" Clay smiles as he puts his head around the bedroom "You okay in here? How's he doing? He feeding okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah he's good. He's sleeping now"

"Look, I was just gonna take him out, for the guys to see him. I didn't know if you wanted to have shower, cos well, I thought that I'd ask Ash over later. You know so we can tell him"

"What today? Do we have to?"

"Well yeah, I mean we were gonna tell him today anyway. So, we may as well ask him over and get it done, right?"

"Yeah sure!" she sighs "Just don't make it too late. I'm kinda tired. Clay. look I .. I need to tell you some things"

Clay turns around, heading to the door, holding the baby against his chest. He's not really listening "Hey little man, we have to get you name now. Look, I'm just gonna take him see the guys. We'll talk later, I promise." he kisses her on the cheek.

"Yeah sure." She forces as smile, as Clay kisses her forehead   
  
"Hey..." he turns back smiling at her "he's beautiful. You gave me a beautiful son. I can't tell you how happy I am right now. I feel, well..."

" I know!" As he leaves she lays down on the bed and closes her eyes.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Hey Kelsey!! Kelsey you awake?" Clay kisses her cheek, gently waking her up from her sleep.   
  
_Mmmm!_ "What? What is it? Is he okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. He's still sleeping. I just wanted to say, I asked the guys to go. And I um.. I put Ash off, until tomorrow. You were right we need the night to ourselves"

She smiles as she blinks her eyes open. Stretching herself out on the bed   
  
"Thank you " she sighs "Come here." she wraps her arm around his neck, pulling him to the bed, gently stroking his cheek as they stare at each other.   
  
Both sets of eyes tired from lack of sleep. Clay's lips gently touch hers, brushing against them and they start to kiss. His tongue is parting her lips finding hers and she closes her eyes to his touch._Mmmm!_ She smiles.   
  
He gently runs his thumb over her lip "You wanna shower? Get cleaned up. Then I thought we might talk names?"

She smiles watching him. She takes a deep breath in. Her eyes work their way over his face, taking in all of the lines on it. "Casey!"

"What?" he frowns confused

"Casey! It's the... the name I'd picked. You know, like a combination of our names, plus it was.. it was unisex. You don't like it?" she feels a little deflated the look in his face as he frowns looking at he. 

"Casey?" He hesitates looking at her then his face breaks into a big broad grin "Casey Spenser. I love it! I really love it, it's perfect" He kisses her. "Casey Spenser!" he repeats over and over.

"Oh my god you do.You really like it? I mean I was worried I.... " She drops her lips back against his. Her fingers caressing his hair. She looks watching the beaming smile cross his face   
  
_Mmmm! _ She groans sighing "You know I think I will have that shower." She looks down at the front of her shirt. Where she's been leaning against Clay, it's wet and he has some wet patches also on his tee shirt. "Sorry!"

"Hey, hey don't worry" He kisses her again, brushing her hair back from her face "It doesn't matter."

She closes her eyes, running her hand through her hair and sighs "Wow! This is so much harder than I thought it was gonna be "

"Hey.... " he keeps dropping kisses on her lips "We're gonna do just fine! The three of us, we'll find a way through this. He's perfect and we'll work it out. "


	19. Things to talk about

Kelsey closes her eyes, listing to the water running in the shower behind her._   
  
Hmmm!_ She lets out a long sigh while she stares at herself in the bathroom mirror. She can see how tired she looks, how pale and how lank her hair is. How much it really needs washing.   
  
She lifts the towel that she has wrapped around her naked body. Looking at her stomach, gently stroking it with her hand, wondering if she'll ever get it back into shape again. Whether she'll ever regain her fitness levels.

_Mmmm!_ She sighs, closing her eyes smiling as Clay wraps himself around her from behind. His arms crossing over around her waist, holding her. "You okay?" he whispers quietly in her ear.

_Mmmm hmm! _She nods "Yeah fine"

"What're you thinking about?"

"Oh, nothing really" She smiles looking at him, his reflection in the mirror looking at her.

"So, you want me to wash your hair? " he brushes it to one side and kisses her neck.

She smiles, biting her lip. She can feel him pressing his groin, semi hard, tight against her butt "Clay what the hell are you doing?"

"Just checking, if can I join you. I wanna be close to you"

"Clay... " she laughs out loud ".. I’m telling you right now, you haven't got a hope in hell of_ that _coming anywhere _near me. _So sorry, do not even think about it!" She turns around in his hold, wrapping her arms around his neck, stroking the back of his head gently.

"Oh no! God no!" he frowns "No, that's not want I meant! NO!" he looks down as he can see the hard bulge sitting in his pants as he holds her "Just ignore _him _" He smiles "You should know by now; he does his own thing" he laughs " I just wanted to be with you. I'll wash your hair for you."

She looks over her shoulder and sighs, looking at the crib she can see in the bedroom "What about him? Shouldn't one of us keep an eye?"

"Ahhh...now see. I have that it in hand too." he holds up his phone and smiles "I have a baby monitor, with a camera and .. and an app! You can download it on your phone too. See we can see him wherever we are in the apartment."

She looks at the screen and the picture of the baby sleeping. She frowns curiously "Wow! You really thought of everything "

"Oh yeah, yeah I have" he kisses her neck "You know I’ve .. I've got Davis sorting ISR, for when I get spun up" he laughs " So, I can keep an eye on you both"

"Really?" She smiles "So you gonna be tracking us, right?"

"Oh, you can count on i.! See, I have all this specialist technology to hand"

"Right" she frowns looking at him "Actually, how far does that camera thing go?"

"Oh! I don't know, I haven't checked the range, I'll have a look later" Clay's stripping off. He takes his pants off, now standing in front of her in only in his tight white boxer shorts "So, do you want me to wash your hair?"

She smiles. Looking at him, her eyes wandering over his bare chest, down the muscles on his arms. Thinking how good his body looks. The tight shorts cling to the curve of his butt. She can't help keep smiling, while his hands find their way under her towel, working their way around her waist, stroking her skin.   
  
As he touches her stomach and tries to take her towel off, she suddenly gets another pang of self-doubt, conscience about how her body looks, and she puts her hand to the towel, stopping him, holding it tight against her "Clay, I...I don't think this is a good idea"

"Hey..." he kisses her neck; he can feel her tense apprehension. His lips find hers, and as he kisses her he pulls at the towel which she finally concedes and lets go of as he pulls her body to towards him. He wants her to feel secure, to not worry. "Kelsey, you're beautiful. You just gave me a perfect son. I just wanna be close to you"

The comfort is nice, and she leans in tight, resting her head against his naked shoulder. Then she looks down and she can see his natural reaction to being close to her naked. " Clay Spenser, put that away!!" she smiles

"Sorry, I told you. I can't help it, not when I'm close to you like this"

She smiles tips her head, exposing the gap between her neck and shoulder, and he gently strokes his fingers along it, following a line up to her cheek. He drops some kisses along her skin, around and across the back of shoulder then gently pushing her head over, he repeats on the other side.   
  
"C'mon" he slips his under shorts off, then takes her hand, leading her into the shower.

While he takes the shampoo from the rack, squeezing some into his hand and stroking it through her long hair. She's letting the warm water sooth down the front of her chest, over the tender fullness of her breasts.   
  
_Mmmm!_ she groans at how nice it feels, the relief. _Ahhh!_ "That's so nice" She leans back against his touch, relaxing.

He turns her around, using the water spray to rinse the soap from her locks. Her eyes closed, she puts her head back in the warmth as she can feel his hand gently moving softly over her stomach then drawing a line up the curve of her side, touching her breast.  
  
_Sssssss!_ She sucks in air through her teeth, as he accidentally touches the tender area on her breast "Clay, careful" It’s not so much pain more the sensitiveness of them

"Sorry! I didn't realise"

"It’s okay." She looks up, her hand stroking his face. Her body pressed, gently, against his. He can feel the firmness of her breasts against his chest as he leans forward and kisses her.   
  
Then they stop kissing, their lips part and they smile at each other. Both able to hear the loud sounds of crying. Clay looks over at his phone, where he placed it on the bathroom shelf "You finish up, I'll go sort him out!"   
  
He steps out of the shower, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist "Casey!... It's okay, Daddy's comin!"

**o-o-o-o-o-o**

Kelsey steps out of the bathroom into the bedroom. She’s wearing another of Clay's bigger Tee shirts "Oh my god! What the hell is that smell?"

"Um ..yeah, it's his diaper. It is pretty bad." Clay smiles.   
  
He has Casey laid on the changing mat on the bed. His nappy undone and Kelsey smiles as she watches him, trying his best, to change him "What the hell are you doing, Clay?” she laughs, looking as he struggles with the diapers.

"You know I wasn't really sure how this went, but what the hell is that stuff?" he points at the black in the diaper "Is it meant to be like that, or do you think we need a doctor? "

She smiles, frowning at the black gooey diaper "Um...yeah, I think...I think it’s meant to be like that, well at least for a while. In one of the maternity guides I had, back home, it said it would be like that for a few days, though I never imagined it that bad!"

He looks up at her with a frown, then he looks toward his phone lying on the bed in front of him. She smiles. She already knows what he's thinking "Yes Clay, you can check!" She laughs as she finishes changing him. She's much quicker than him at changing the diaper and its quickly cleaned up. "You know I think we should bath him, tomorrow"  
  
She picks him up and then lays him back in his crib. Watching him as he closes his eyes, she strokes his cheek gently with the back of her hand. Then she turns back to her own bed and lifting the quilt she gets in, Clay getting in the other side next to her. They snuggle close to each other. Her back up tight against his chest, him spooning his arms gently around her, kissing her neck. "Oh wait! Hold right there. I've got something to show you"

"Clay, just got to sleep. You can show me tomorrow"

"No! No, I need to show you now. Close your eyes"

"Clay, can't this wait? I'm so tired"

"No, I said... close... your eyes!" he stares at her as he fiddles with something at the side of the room "You got them closed? No cheating!"

_Mmmm hmm! _She smiles "They're closed."

"Right hold on. Don't open them until I say so" he climbs back into bed as she lays on her back. "Okay you can open them now!"

She blinks them open, to what was a dark room, which is now filled with the low glow of small spinning stars on the ceiling. "Clay...." She smiles " what is this?"

"It’s a night light. I got it today. It's supposed to aid peaceful sleep" he smiles reading the blurb from the box. "But I figured if you need to feed him in the night, then you don’t have to put the bright side lamp on"

_Awww! _she smiles at how thoughtful he's been "It's really beautiful, Clay. Thank you"   
  
She lays back watching as the small white stars dance over their heads. It's soothing and she takes his hand in hers, linking her fingers through his, holding it tight under her chin and her tired eyes start to close.

**o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Kelsey!" Clay frowns standing over her holding Casey close to his chest " Kels ... .you awake?"

_Mmmm! "_ What?!" she groans. Her head feels like it's been hit with by a steam roller. And now as she comes around from the deep sleep she was in, she can hear the sound of crying "Oh god, not again! Please...." she sighs "just a couple more hours. What the hell's the time ?"

"It's just gone six"

"Oh god, is he serious? It's only three hours since he last fed. What's wrong with him?" she looks up frowning at the pair of them stood there "You sure he needs feeding?"   
  
She rubs at her head, trying to erase the tiredness from her eyes as she tries to prop herself up in the pillows on the bed. "Okay, give him here then"

"Sorry" Clay passes the baby from his arms to hers " I think he's hungry. I changed him and tried to settle him through there, so we didn't disturb you, but he's not having it. I think he needs you, or you know "

"Right okay." she sighs " You know this feeding on demand thing, it's okay, but I just wish he could go a bit longer" She slumps back into the pillows, lifting the Tee shirt she's wearing and puts him to her breast again.

"Hey, it's early days, you'll get there. You want me to get you a drink? While you feed him."

_Mmmm_ "Yeah a coffee would be great, please!"

"Oh um.. coffee?" He frowns "Sorry, um... you know can't have coffee, right. Not while breastfeeding." He looks at his lists he has stored on his phone "It's one of the things on the banned food list"

"Banned food list? " She frowns " What banned food list? I mean I knew I couldn't drink, but coffee?? Are you serious?" 

"Yeah, it's um.. it's not recommended. You should avoid. I can get you some juice?"

"Juice! At six am, with three hours sleep!" She looks at him staring hard, blinking, trying to wake up so she can focus on what he's talking about " You're joking me right? That is a joke. A wind up?" She's furious at him right now.  
  
"No, no joke. It's true. I read caffeine should be avoided"

"Avoided! But it doesn't say I _can't_ have _any_ does it? So how much does it say on _your_ _list!_"

"Umm... " he can tell she's not happy with this "I guess, I mean maybe a cup, or two"

"Then go make me a coffee, unless you want that _list _ to disappear somewhere very uncomfortable!" she leans back sighing as she latches Casey on, and closes her eyes."Oh my god what is he on!"

**o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Thanks" she looks up from Casey as Clay finally comes back with the coffee "Clay, come and sit here, with us" She smiles, patting the bed beside her with her hand " We need to talk about a few things. I ... I need to go to the shops today. You know, I need to get some clothes, some bras things like that” She smiles apprehensively. “I can't keep slobbing around in your tee shirts forever"

"Well I think you look sexy in them " He smiles dropping a kiss on her lips. Its his way of apologising about the coffee incident. He realised maybe he was going a little over the top "Sure, we could have a walk out. You know take the new wheels. Show him off"

"Sure. I'm um..." She frowns anxiously, unsure how he's going to respond to her next suggestion " I was also thinking I might get some bottles, and maybe express some milk. I mean you could feed him then too. Kind of a bit of a compromise?...You know I think it would help, take some pressure off"

"Well sure it's something we can think about. But l like I said it’s still early days, I mean you don't have to do that right away"

"Clay... " she sighs "I have thought about it. I need to do this"

He sighs long and hard and she can hear from his tone that he's not happy about it. But neither does he want to get in an argument right now. not while she feeding Casey "Okay, well we can go later this morning. You know, I thought maybe I'd put Ash off anyway. We can see him another day?"

She frowns watching him "Why would you want to put him off? Clay he's your father. You need to tell him about this. For god sake, it's his grandson. Hey look, I know things between you two, they're not great but... Casey needs him in his life. Anyway, he might even make a good babysitter." she laughs.

_Huh!_ Clay frowns "You really don't know him do you. That man is not babysitting, I'm telling you that now! His track record with kids, he's not having any part in his life. Probably milk it for some book he's writing, knowing him"

"Clay, you don't mean that. Look you're right I don't know him, but if I don't meet him I won't get to know him. But you do need to do this. Why don't you ask him to come this afternoon?" She smiles at him "Clay, come here" she pulls his head forward and kisses him "It'll be fine."

"Okay" Clay sighs "maybe you're right. Guess we may as well get it over with. But don't let him fool you. He has a tendency to try and do that" He kisses her, stroking Casey's cheek as he continues to feed "Oh there's a couple of things I need to tell you too. I um.. I have to go in to work, tomorrow. It's a...a training thing. Something because we're possibly getting spun up next week. You want me to skip it? I mean I can tell Jason I'm not ready yet "

No! No why would you tell him that? You should go. Clay, I'll be fine. We both know that you have to go back to work. We both knew that from the start. The first times gonna be the hardest, but it'll be okay And hey, it might be me soon too, right?" She frowns, looking at him, trying to gauge his reaction to her comment.

"You?! " he frowns "What the hell? What, you're seriously thinking of going back, in the Navy?"

She bites her lip, lifting Casey off her breast and holding him as he now sleeps in her arms "Maybe ?!" she shrugs "I don't know. I mean there's still a lot to sort out, but...but my maternity leave is officially six weeks, I mean I can extend it to for longer, even up to a year, but the time frame would be down do my commanding officer. It all depends how quickly I could get my fitness back. Then maybe..."

_Huh!_ He looks at her shock. Then taking Casey from her arms, he holds him tight to his chest "How the hell's that gonna work? How are you gonna look after him if you go back? I can't believe you're seriously thinking about this. That you never said anything before now. But you can be away at sea for months. When did you think this up?"

"I've never not thought about it. Not since they told me it was a possibility. And being away doesn't necessarily mean a long deployment. They don’t happen all that often. Usually just a couple of weeks at a time. Clay, it’s just something to think of. "  
She sighs watching the look on his face "I mean we'd have to get a watertight family plan in place first. It's one of the conditions. Find a guardian" she can see how this is not going down well. She anxiously rubs at her tired head "Like I said, it's just considering options, Nothing's definite. And like you said, it's still early days." she sighs.   
She can see it hasn't gone down at all well with him "I'm gonna get dressed. You okay with him for a minute?"

"Yeah! " he snaps at her "Yeah course I am" He carries him, tucked tight in his arms against his chest, through to the living room.

She lays back in the bed. _Good one Kelsey. _She sighs._ That went well! Not!_

**o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Hey" she smiles "Is he asleep?"

Clay looks up from watching the TV. He has Casey, in his rocker seat and he's sound asleep as Clay rests his hand on it, gently rocking it back and forward "Yeah he's fine!"

"Shift up!" She moves in to sit next to him. Snuggling her head against his shoulder.

"Oh um…I spoke to Ash, he's is gonna come this afternoon"

"That's great. Did you tell him, on the phone, about the baby?"

"No! No, thought I'd wait till he got here. Good thing is he has a studio meeting, so he won't be able to stay long. But as you keep telling me, everything’s gonna be fine, right?"

"Clay, don't say it like that. But yeah everything will work out"

"Oh, and um...I forgot to say, what with your little bombshell in there earlier. Ray and Naima, they've invited us to a Barbecue they're holding on Sunday. Want us to all meet at the park near them. Like a meet and greet so that everyone from my team, can come see him and meet you. " He pauses looking at her "You know Blackburn, Davis , Brock, maybe Cerb" he smiles "Think Full metal and Trent gonna make it too. Oh, and Jason’s daughter Emma, she's gonna be home from college"

"Oh! Really? Well that's a lot of people." she smiles anxiously "Don't you think it might be a bit much, too soon?"

"Doesn’t sound too soon to me" he shrugs, acting obviously annoyed "I mean, if you're already considering getting back in the Navy, in what... six weeks!? Then what's the problem with a barbecue, Sunday?"

"Clay...." she sighs "please don't. I told you, it's just something for us to think about. Obviously we need to talk a lot more about it first. But ...look, what would you have me do?" _Hmmm! "_Stay home all day?"

"Well yeah! Yeah now you ask, that's exactly what I would do. I'm sorry, I know you don't like it but .. but I would! Well at least for a few months, a year maybe. To look after our son. So, is this why the rush, to stop breastfeeding?" _Hmmm_ "Is that why?"

"No! No of course not, that's just.... " she sighs "So what, you want me to stay home all day? But I don't hear you offering to stay home. "

He bites his lip as he frowns, staring at her "You know that's different. You know being a SEAL, it doesn't work like that."

"No, no I guess it doesn't!" She snaps She can feel herself getting emotional and annoyed "Sorry!" she sighs, taking a breath, calming herself as she leans back into the couch pillows "Sorry, I’m just tired. I didn't mean to snap like that." She sighs again "Look Clay, I know there'd be a lot to work out. It might not even be possible." She frowns, watching him while he's looking at her, putting her hand on his cheek, the rough of his stubble against her fingers. She smiles, then kisses him.   
“Oh yeah there's one other thing, while we're talking about stuff. We um... we need to find out about getting him a passport. From what I saw he's gonna need a US one, well at least until I get back to the UK and sort it all out. It turns out .. " She smiles "he's now an American citizen, so we have to apply here."

"A passport?! Seriously, for what? I mean it's not like he's going anywhere. So, why the rush?"

"No rush." she smiles "Just... just something we need to sort out. I thought you might know how to go about it, that's all. I'm just talking. I mean, I can't fly for a couple of weeks anyway"

"Fly? Why would you, where do you need to go?"

"Well I'm.... I’m gonna have to go back, to the UK, at some point. I need to get things, sort out my flat, paperwork all kinds of things. I mean this, having him here. It wasn't planned, things got left."

"Yeah well it’s not something we need to sort yet" Clay takes a deep breath, he's really annoyed. All this talk is moving too fast and he doesn't like it "You know, I think we should bath him, before we go out" Clay gets up taking Casey from his rocker seat and goes to the bedroom   
  
"Clay!!!" she sighs closing her eyes._ Shit! _She sighs, running her hands through her hair then she picks up her phone from the side table in front of her. Checking the text messages on it. _  
_

_Alex! _She looks nervously behind her, checking the bedroom doorway. She can hear Clay moving things around. Wondering how she's now going to tell him about Alex's impending visit on top of everything else. _Shit!_

"Hey Kelsey!!" he calls out from the bedroom "You coming to help me with him?"

"Yeah sure, now coming!" She sighs, checking the text on her phone first.

Flight number BA 125678   
Sunday arrive 13:00 US time  
I'll get hire car at airport. Text me anything else you need me to bring. Think I've found everything for now. I also collected the mail up and will bring that.   
See you Sunday Alex. X

_Shit! He's not going to like this! Oh god! Why the hell did I ask him to come? SHIT!!_   
  
She closes her eyes, letting out a long anxious sigh before leaning her head back against the pillows on the couch.


	20. Ash Spenser, meet...

Kelsey smiles. She's watching Clay testing the water with his elbow. Casey laid beside him on the changer mat. She snakes her arms around Clay's neck and kisses him "I'm sorry"

"Hey.." He smiles, sighing "Me too!" He pulls her around on to his lap, then holding her cheeks in his hands and brushing the loose strands of hair from her face, he gently kisses her.

"So, we ready to go?" she sighs letting go of him "With the bath I mean"

"Um...yeah I think so. Do you think it feels okay?" She puts her hand in water and nods. He smiles contented " Do you wanna get him undressed. I think I have everything, towel, sponge, baby wash. Getting prepped for mission, is easier than this."

"Okay, c'mon little man" She smiles picking him up "Daddy's gonna give you a BUDS induction. So, I hope you like the water."

"You know he doesn't have to, like the water." He smiles "Sonny hates it"

"Oh, really? Wow! A frogman that hates water, that's Sonny I guess. So how does that work out?"

"Well.." he laughs " it's not so much the water he hates, more what's in it really."

"Yeah well, that's the good thing about my job. I don't have to go _in _the water too many times. I mean not many aircraft carriers out there that sink" she smiles as she takes Casey's nappy off "You pee on me again and there' ll be trouble" She holds him up in front of her face, kissing his cheek "You wanna do it ? I mean, this was your idea. Then if he hates it I can blame you"   
  
She smiles, handing Casey over. She's trying to keep the conversation light, smooth over the tensions of earlier and also try and find a suitable opportunity to mention about Alex's impending visit.

"Okay.." Clay's beaming and he lowers him gently into the warm water but as his body touches the wet warmth, Casey's hands and legs got into a, spasm like, over drive. His body goes ridged, he turns bright red and starts screaming.

"Oh my god!" Kelsey sits back laughing "I don't think he like it! If you were hoping for a third gen frogman, then I'm not so sure!"

"Hey, hey Casey. Shhh!" Clay tries to sooth him, splashing the warm water over his body, then slowly, after a few more minutes he starts to settle, relaxing against Clay's words and touch. Clay keeping his strong-arm underneath him supporting him in the bath.

Kelsey smiles watching them both "Clay..." she closes her eyes, taking a deep breath about to tell him about Alex arriving but then watching just how much he's enjoying bathing Casey, she hesitates, and not wanting to spoil the moment she keeps quiet.   
  
"Clay.." she leans her head against his shoulder "... I'm sorry, about earlier. I guess we're both just tired "

"Yeah, you're right. Look, we'll talk it all through again, give it a few more days for things to settle into a routine. Things might seem different"

"Yeah!" she leans forward turning his head towards her, kissing him. She smiles as Casey starts crying again "Wait! I'll get my phone we need to get a picture" She takes her phone from her pocket; she can see more of Alex's texts and she ignores them while she takes several photos of the two of them.   
  
Clay lifts him out, wrapping him in a towel and drying him. He continues crying "You think he's hungry?"

"I guess.Maybe." She looks at her watch and frowns "I'll try feeding him and then do you wanna go shopping? I need to get something to wear on Sunday. If we're still going to this barbecue?"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**

_Hmmm! _Kelsey sighs, smoothing down the white shirt over the black leggings. She pulls in her stomach, turning sideways in the full-length mirror.   
  
She looks up, and over her shoulder at the crying sound in the bedroom doorway and Clay staring at her "What ?"

"Nothin' just wondered what you're doing?"

"Oh, I was just trying to decide if this would be okay, for the Barbecue on Sunday. Do you think it looks alright?"

He smiles coming over, standing behind her "What you think, does Mommy look okay?" He smiles at Casey, he's crying, and Clay has him tucked against his chest, one of his hands holding him tight, rubbing his back "I told you in the store, it looks fine. I really don't know why you're worrying so much"

"I know" she sighs " It's just... I don't know these people, so I would rather meet them not looking like I had three hours sleep and baby sick on me. If you know what I mean."

"I know." he kisses her neck "But, considering you just had a baby, you look great."

_Hmmm! _She frowns unsure if that's really a compliment or not "That's debatable, but it'll do. You know, I'll be glad when I get in my jeans again"

"Here..." he offers Casey over " talking of baby puke. I just changed him, but I think he needs a feed"

"Okay, just um... just hold him a minute, while I change this top. Seeing as I'm on clothes rations. I don't wanna get it ruined, before Sunday. Last thing I need is to be going in one of your tee shirts"  
  
She pulls the top over her head standing in her bra, they're disturbed by the sound of knocking at the door"Here you'll have to take him while I get the door." he looks at his watch "Oh surprise, Ash is early. Guess that means he'll be in a hurry to get off then"

"Clay, come here" she lays Casey on the bed "This, with your dad, it's gonna be okay. You know that?" she kisses his lips "Just relax and don't let him wind you up!"

"Hmmm, you know, I'm not sure why I let you convince me that this was a good idea. If I had my way, then he'd have nothing to do with us, or him!"

"Clay, we talked about this. We agreed. He's your dad, Casey's grandad, and he needs to know. You can't keep him a secret forever" _Hmmm! _"Clay, trust me, it will be fine"

"Yeah I hope you're right!"

She puts her hand on his waist, pulling him towards her, snuggling into his neck, dropping soft kisses against it. "I am, trust me!"  
  
The knock sounds on the door again, harder this time.  
  
"Clay ..." She smiles as he heads to the door " just play nice!" She sighs, then smiling at Casey, while she changes into one of Clay's tee shirts. "Well little man, it's time for you to meet your grandad, so best behaviour"

"Ash!" Clay's tone is abrupt as he opens the door.

Ash is stood there checking the time on his watch "Oh you are here. I was just about to go. You know I have a meeting at the studio, so I can't stay long."

"Well best you come in then!" Clay sighs, he can already feel the hairs on his neck prickle with annoyance, watching as Ash perches himself on the arm of the couch.   
  
" So what's so important that you couldn't tell me over the phone?" He checks his watch again then looks up frowning at the sound of a baby crying loudly "What the hell's that noise? You got a TV in the bedroom now?"

"Um.. no. No. Look, that's sorta what I wanted to talk to you about. I've got something to tell you"

Ash folds his arms and stares at Clay "Well, get on with it! I already told you I have to be at the studio"

"Um... yeah, look I don't really know how to explain this. It's all a bit sudden. It kinda came out of the blue for everyone, me included. But..."They both look around, noticing Kelsey stood in the bedroom doorway 

"Hey!" she smiles

Ash looks at her and frowns "Okay, what the hell's going on? You got a new woman? You never said anything before. Surely this is not why you got me here for. I mean, we could've done this anytime."

"Yeah, but..." he stutters "... it's a bit more complicated"

"Yeah..." Ash frowns, confused. As he looks at Kelsey again he can hear the crying sounds of the baby he can see nestled in her arms.  
  
"Look, I'll just..." she points to the bedroom "I'll just sort him out"

Ash furrows his brow and drops his voice to a hush "Oh my god, Clay! Are you seriously seein' a woman who has a child? " he frowns "What the hell are you playing at? How much more complicated do you want in your life. Do you know, how hard it’s gonna be. Not only with what you do, but bringing up another man’s baby. I mean c'mon Clay, you've had some strange girlfriends lately, but this ... this is an instant family. You know, I seriously don't get you sometimes!"

"Yeah you know, this is so typical of you. You have to see the worst"

"Oh, c'mon Clay, I'm just being honest. Being a seal is hard enough, but someone else's baby!?" he sighs "So, what did Jason say about this? "

Kelsey's back, she hands Casey to Clay as Ash frowns at them "So how old is he?" guessing a boy from the blue outfit that the new-born is wearing.

"Um... he's, three days old". Kelsey smiles hesitantly, she can hear the tone in Ash's voice and he's not happy.

"You can't be serious? Three day old!!" Ash looks shocked. "Alright explain! What the hell are you playing at?"

Clay sighs, turning the baby around in his arms, he passes him forward. Ash frowns, resisting taking him. "You want an explanation? Here you go! Ash Spenser,.... meet Casey Spenser. _Your_ grandson!"

Ash's reluctant in his shock to take the baby in his arms hesitates questioning Clay "My _what??_" His mouth drops open "Wait, what did you say...._grandson_? How the hell can this be my grandson? How long have you two been dating? Clay, you never told me last month when I saw you that you even had a girlfriend, and you know, the last time I checked, babies take nine months"

"Yeah well, that's where it gets kinda complicated!"

"Hi, I'm Kelsey" She puts her hand out "pleased to meet you"

"Um... Ash.." Ash shakes her hand ".. Ash Spenser"

"I know." She smiles. 

Casey won't stop crying and she takes him back in her arms "Look I think he needs feeding. I'll take him through there, then you two can talk. Clay will explain everything." She smiles "Ash, it was nice to meet you"

Clay goes to the refrigerator; he lets out a long sigh trying to calm himself, just being in close proximity to Ash aggravates him and he takes out two beers "You want one?"

"Yeah, yeah it looks like I'm gonna need one! I can't wait to hear this explanation"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**

"Oh, c'mon please, just do this, then at least you might sleep." She sighs rubbing her eyes in frustration. Casey's still resisting feeding properly.   
  
She looks up at the coughing sound as Ash taps gently on the door frame "Hey!" she smiles, anxiously pulling the shawl over her breast, covering herself where she's feeding.

Ash smiles "Look I just came to say goodbye, for now. I have a... a meeting I need to get to. I wasn't kinda expecting anything like this when Clay asked me over, or I'd have rearranged"

"No, it's fine. I understand. I just thought he should tell you in person" She sighs loudly as Ash steps forward towards the bed.   
  
"He's really beautiful and I can see Clay's really proud"

"Clay's a great dad" she smiles "A little anxious maybe, but he'll be fine"  
  
"Yeah, he will. You know um.... my son, he can be a little full on at times. You need to cut him some slack. His issues, well... some of that's my fault. He... he might have told you that I wasn't always the best father, and well Clay, he always feels like he has to prove something. Prove he's the best, best at languages, best seal, best sniper ...and now I guess, best father. That may mean he gets a bit full on at times."

"Don't worry, I got it in hand" She smiles. Checking on how Casey's feeding,or not, she sighs again.

"Something wrong ?" Ash frowns, seeing the anxiety in her expression

"No, no. I'm good. Oh, it's just, he um..... I mean feeding. We've not quite got the hang of it yet, so it gets a little frustrating, for both of us."

_Hmmm!_ Ash smiles. "You know I remember, Clay's mom, she struggled at the beginning." he sits himself on the side of the bed beside her "... found it difficult. Can I make a suggestion?"

"Yeah" she smiles at him "Yeah sure"

"If you put a pillow underneath him, it'll take some of his weight, so he's not so heavy on your.... you know. Then it makes it more comfortable" He pulls one of the pillows from the other side of the bed "May I? " he lifts her arm stuffing the pillow underneath "How's that feel?"

"Yeah. " She nods "Yeah actually, that feels quite good. You're right he's not so heavy. Thanks. I'll give it a try"

"She used to try laying on her side too. Said that helped. I don't know if it does I mean, obviously I'm no expert just..."   
  
He stops turning to look as Clay stands, frowning at them from the doorway "What's going on?"

"Clay, your Dad, he was just giving me some tips, on feeding " She smiles. She can feel the tension coming from Clay's direction "Thanks Ash. It was really nice to meet you at long last. Don't be a stranger. Come and see us when you've got more time."

Clay folds his arms as he continues to lean on the door frame, he laughs "Seriously? You, you're handing out parenting advice? Jesus, where the hell do you get off... "

"Clay!" Kelsey sighs "Clay don't do this. He was just trying to be helpful"

"Yeah and I told you before he came, don't fall for this routine. Look, I think it’s time you went, don't you? I'm sure you have a chat show to host or something"

Ash sighs "Yeah, you're right I do need to get off." He leans forward and kisses Kelsey's cheek "Nice to meet you" He strokes his finger gently against the now sleeping Casey's face "See you again soon, _grandson_."

" I don't think so" Clay scoffs, gesturing for Ash to leave. He glares at Kelsey before he follows Ash out "Hey, don't get any ideas about visiting too often, cos it's not gonna happen. You didn't want any part of my life growing up so why would you want any in his!"

Ash stands in the hallway turning back to face Clay before he leaves "You know son, while I'm handing out advice. Here's some. You need to relax a little. We all know you're gonna make a great dad and no one is questioning that. But Son, if you're not careful, and you try too hard, then you might push everything you want away"

Clay laughs "Oh my god, listen to you! First parenting advice and now relationships? Ash just go!"

"Clay, ... " Ash takes a breath he changes his mind about what he was going to say. It would only end in an argument and doesn't want that "Congratulations. He's really beautiful, you should be really proud"

"Oh I am. And for your information, I'm gonna be nothing like you. Because unlike you, I will always be here for my son. No matter what, he will come first!"

Ash smiles putting his hand on Clay's shoulder "Yeah, yeah I’m sure you will. Look Clay, I'll catch you around soon"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

** Saturday  **

_Mmmm! _Kelsey groans. She wakes at the sound of knocking the door and she gets up from the couch where she'd fallen asleep. _Shit!!_ She rubs her head "Just coming!"

She checks on Casey. He's still asleep in his rocker, and she gets up, opening the door. "Oh! Oh hey?" she frowns looking at the woman standing in front of her "Sorry, can I help you?"

"Kelsey?... Hi, I'm Naima, Perry. Ray's wife. He works with Clay"

"Oh um... yeah, yeah sure I remember, the bag, when I came out of hospital" she smiles "um... what can I do for you? Is everything alright? I mean... with BRAVO is everything okay?"

"Oh yeah, yeah everything is fine. Sorry, I just popped by, to see if you're okay"  
  
"Yeah I'm fine. Look Clay's not here. Their... well I guess you know, training"

"Yeah, that's why I'm here." She smiles "Clay, he um... he asked Ray, if I'd drop by and check on you. Seeing as it's the first time you were on your own. His first day back since the baby was born"

Kelsey laughs "You serious? Okay... okay well if he asked you then I guess you better come in"

"Oh thanks. I mean, only if it's convenient?"

"Yeah I just ... I just fell asleep. I just fed him. Look the place, it's a bit of a mess. I was gonna clean up but....I haven't had a chance yet"

"Hey.." Naima smiles putting her hand reassuringly on her arm "I've been there, twice! How about I put the kettle on? Make us a coffee."

"A coffee? But no lecture!" she laughs

"What?" Naima frowns

"Oh, sorry just me being facetious" she laughs "Clay, he's got this banned foods list, coffee being one thing on his do's and don'ts of breastfeeding ... Just don't tell him that I have chocolate stashed in the back of the fridge "

"Banned foods list? Oh, I don't think Ray would have dared to have gone that far!" she laughs

"Yeah well don't worry, Clay's been warned about what might happen to that list if he carries on!"

**-o-o-o-o-o**

They sit drinking their coffee’s as Casey starts to cry. Kelsey responds with a tired long sigh out loud.

"You okay?" Naima frowns

"Yeah. Just.. well did you um.... did you find it hard? You know, breast feeding, was it easy? I know it’s only a few days but, I just... I just feel like I need a break. It seems relentless, and exhausting"

"Have you thought about getting some bottles and expressing? Clay could take over then occasionally. That's what we did"

Kelsey sighs feeling slightly vindicated as she recalls the argument when they were out yesterday about buying bottles. "Yeah , we talked about it, but ...well Clay's not keen on the idea. Says we need to persevere, I think, he thinks we're failing, if we don't, you now. But..." she sighs "...I dunno. I'm not sure that it's for me, breastfeeding. I just don't feel comfortable, out and about, in front of people. I mean I'm not saying there's anything to be ashamed of but....it's just not me. Do you get what I mean?"

"Tell you what...." Naima smiles " I could have a word on Sunday, maybe drop it into conversation, about the bottles. What you say?" Kelsey nods at her as Naima grips her hand "It'll get easier, it’s still early days. Clay is right you need to take things slowly. Look I'm always here if you want anything, advice, help anything. Is there anything else you need help with”?

"Well um... now you mention it, Sunday, this barbecue, would it be okay if I get a friend to come along? I mean they would meet us there. Only they're flying in from the UK, bringing some of my things, clothes, paperwork etcetera. I didn't know about the barbecue, when they said they were coming, or I'd have rearranged"

"Oh yeah that's totally fine. Everyone's welcome. I'm sure it will be nice for you to have someone you know there. I mean it can be a bit overwhelming, so many strangers. Look Kelsey, it's been nice chatting, but I need to go. Is there anything else you need a hand with before I do? And remember you can always call and ask if there is. You're part of BRAVO family now."

"Actually, while you’re here, do you know where I go to sort out a passport, for a child? " she smiles "I mean where I to go to register him"

"Yeah ..." Naima frowns "to be honest I think you better speak to Clay about that".

"I did, he didn’t know, I just thought with you having kids, you might know?"

"No, I... I mean, no... I don't know. Just sort it out with Clay, between you"

Kelsey frowns watching the anxious look on Naima’s face "Oh.. oh, I see. Did he say something? Clay, did he say something about a passport?"

"No, no not that I know. Look, my advice would be, don't rush yourself with things. You need time to recover"

"Yeah!" Kelsey sighs "Yeah, well you're right I need to get on too. I'm sure you're busy" As she puts her hand on the door to let Naima out there's another knock on the door "Woah!" she laughs It’s like Piccadilly circus here today!"

"Sorry what?"

"Oh... ignore me, English joke! ... Ash?" she frowns "Hi, again!"

Ash smiles "Naima, how are you?"

"I'm good, thanks for asking. Clay isn't here, they're training"

"Oh, okay. We'll actually it's... Kelsey I came to see, well and my grandson. You know I couldn't stop thinking about this. I kept repeating I am a grandfather in the mirror last night. I just can't believe my son has a son! We'll anyway, I just brought you something, something that might help"

"Err ... look why don't you come in. Naima thanks, for dropping by. We'll see you Sunday" She watches her leave and closes the door, letting out a long sigh "Ash....so what can I do for you?"

"Oh, like I said, I brought you this." he hands her the large curved pillow.

"What is it?"

"It's a...nursing pillow. I read up and....well, it might help, with feeding."  
  
"You read up?" Kelsey laughs under her breath _Like father like son!_ “Oh, okay thank you, that's very kind of you to think about me. Look, why don't you sit down a minute. Would you like a coffee?"

"Um... yeah sure"

"He's awake now, if you wanna pick him up?" Watching as Ash scoops Casey into his arms, she can't help but smile.

"So ...how are things?" Ash turns questioning her

"Yeah, yeah things are good. Different, but good"

"Clay said you used to be in the Navy, too? And that's why you kept quiet about seeing each other?"

"Yeah. Not so much used to be, I still am.. technically. I mean I have a few more weeks to decide if I’m going back, or leaving"

"Oh....oh I thought the way Clay said. I mean he didn't make it sound like that was an option, staying in."

"I think he's hoping" she smiles awkwardly "He's not so keen on the idea"

"But you... you think you might?"

"Is it wrong that I want to?" she shrugs " I know it's selfish and that he should be priority, and he is, always. But...you know, I worked hard to get my Lieutenant commission, the position I have, it didn't come over night. I'd just ...just like to know I reached my full potential with it"   
  
She looks down apologetically, biting her lip nervously "I know you'll probably agree with Clay and I know with deployment, at sea for weeks, that it's not gonna be easy. He's right I should turn it down, shouldn't I?"

"I don't know, really that's something you and Clay have to work out between yourselves. But.. I will say being a SEAL, it’s kinda different than regular Navy. First of all it's not regular! It's drop of the hat stuff. One day here, one day there, life or death. A baby, it's a hard thing to bring into that mix. I mean sure people do kids, but with two of you in service. The odds aren’t great of that working out"

"So why does it have to be me that compromises? Why do I have to give up my career?"

"What you're gonna ask Clay to give up his team?" Ash now frowns at her concerned "Cos that's a big ask. Clay's never wanted anything else in his life but to be in the teams. To ask him to give it up is...it's like asking him to give away part of himself"

"I know, I know how much it means to him. But I... I just don't see why it has to be me that sacrifices everything. What I want. I mean, he wanted this baby too ...more in some ways . I just wanna discuss the options that's all, I'm not saying I will go back but...he won’t even talk about it. You know, maybe you could talk to him. Get to him to see?"

"Look Kelsey, I’ll help you in any way I can, but don't ask me to talk to Clay about this.I can’t do that. This is between you and him. But I will tell you, if he had to... give it up. Give up his team, for him... then he will!" he smiles at Casey" So it’s down to you if you'd wanna ask him to do that"

She smiles watching as Ash sits back cooing over the baby. She looks at her watch "Listen would you do me a favour? Would you watch him, just for half an hour? I need to go grab a couple of things from the shops, and also there's a mother and baby exercise class, I wanted to sign up for. We didn't get time yesterday. I'll be really quick, and he's been fed and changed. Please? I don't know how long Clay's going to be and I just... "

"Err... yeah, yeah sure. We can do that can't we?" He smiles at Casey "I mean how hard can it be?"

"Look , I promise I'll be quick, the gym is literally down the road." she smiles grabbing her bag and jacket and kisses Casey's cheek "Thanks for this Ash. It's been good to talk, to someone. And you know, the things Clay's said, about you and him, I didn't know how you'd be about all this but...you've been really great! " She smiles again "Hey you, just be a good boy for your grandad okay. I 'll be as quick as I can"

**o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Hey c’mon, Shhh! Your mommy will be back soon." Ash sighs looking at his watch, an hour has passed since Kelsey left. _Shit!!_ "Yeah, I know you're hungry. She'll be back very soon, I promise"

He turns around towards the door, smiling, as he hears the sound of the key in the lock "Thank god! Here she is...." he stops his face drops as Clay stands in the doorway, a confused frown on his face.

"What the fuck is going on here? I could hear him crying down the hallway. And what the hell are you doing here? Where's Kelsey?"

"Clay, calm down. She's um... she's just gone out for a few minutes, just needed to get a couple of things. She said she wouldn't be long"

"Give him here, now!" Clay drops his bags and snatches him back from Ash’s arms, cuddling him tight to his chest, trying to sooth his crying "How longs she been gone?"

"Oh, not long. Forty mins an hour tops! She just needed to get something from the store and there was some gym class, she wanted to sign up for. She probably just got delayed."

"Gym class?" Clay frowns "The baby gym class? The one she saw yesterday. Jesus Christ... " Clay sighs exasperated "We already had this discussion about it being too soon . You know what this is about don't you? This is about getting her fitness back, about going back in the Navy. Well that's not happening, not yet. Why can't she see he should be her priority?"

"Clay, just calm alright. She can see. I just.. I just think she just wants to look at her options. Son, why don’t you just talk to her about it? I’m sure she's not going to rush any decisions right now"

"Look why don't you just go! Why the hell are you here anyway? I told you yesterday not to come anymore"

"I bought her something, something to help with feeding the baby, cos she was struggling"

"Struggling? Feeding. Oh, listen to you! When the hell did you start dishing out parenting advice, doing the good Samaritan routine?" _Hmmm!_ "A man who was never there for his own son, now giving how to be a good parent advice. You know what Ash, just go! Get out!"

"Son, please! Just...."

"No, you listen. I don't need you encouraging her with this fantasy about having it all, trying to be a good mom and get back in the navy. We both know it won't work. Something has to give and for me to do this job, be a seal, that can’t happen. I mean, who the hell's gonna look after him while she's at sea for months?" _hmmm_ "Where are his parents gonna be? Not here for sure"

Clay..."

"Just go Ash!"

While their arguing Kelsey walks in the door behind them with some large bags "Oh Clay! You're back. I ... I didn't expect you back yet!"

"No! No, I bet you didn't... you hoped you'd get back before I found out, right"

She ignores him and smiles at Ash "Has he been alright?"

"Fine." Ash smiles awkwardly " Well until a short while ago, I think he needs feeding"

"Sorry about that, I got caught up talking, forgot the time."

"What at your _gym class_?" Clay frowns "I thought we discussed this yesterday?"

She takes a deep breath calming the annoyance she feels from the aggressive tone he's using "Well we didn't exactly discuss it did we Clay. You just said we didn't have time to look into it. I just thought while Ash was here, I'd pop back and check it out. Take a walk out of these four walls!"

"I told you yesterday, it's too soon to think about exercise. Kelsey, you had a baby just _four _days ago and now you wanna hit the gym?!"

"It’s not like that, and you know it. It's just a few gentle exercises, and some time out for both me and him. The class is from birth, there'll be other babies there, so it’s ideal. The guy that runs it, he said because my core fitness is still there so it shouldn’t be long .. before I get some levels back"

"Oh, .... oh, there we have it! Yeah, I bet he did! All those new moms, I bet that's how he gets his kicks"

"Clay, son c'mon be fair. It's not gonna hurt...I'm sure they don't push anything if it’s for new moms they know what they're doing"

"You! You get the hell out; I'm done with your fatherly advice. And don't bother coming back!"

"Clay.... what the hell? Just stop this Don't talk to your father like that. What's got into you?"

Clay laughs "Yeah, yeah I knew what would happen. I told you. You've bought this whole facade of his,_ is not me it’s him_ routine. You know what..." he hands the still crying Casey to her" Go feed your son he needs you!"

She takes a deep breath. Fuming and hurt inside, tears roll down her cheeks even though she tries desperately not to let them. _Fuck!!_ She tries to hold it together, but her emotions are all over the place and she can't "Clay.... what the hell’s go into you today. C'mon, please stop being like this" she can't stop crying and takes Casey into bedroom.

Ash stands in the doorway watching him

"What!? You still here?I told you to go!"

"Oh, I'm going. But, you keep this up Clay, you'll end up paying a price, mark my words"

"Yeah well it’s a good job your words mean nothing then!" he slams the door shut._ Fuck! _He sits himself down on the couch, his head in his hands rubbing his hair "I need a drink!" He takes a deep breath, picks up his jacket and leaves. Slamming the door behind him.

**-o-o-o-o-o-o-**

He pulls up the stool next to Sonny at the bar. "Clay?" Sonny frowns concerned "What the hell're you doing here? I thought you went home? Be with that new baby of yours."

"Beer and whiskey shot!" he nods at the barman "I just needed some time out. Something wrong with that?"

"No" Sonny frowns staring at him "You alright? You and Kelsey had words? Something happened?"

"No!" he sighs "Yeah... kinda! Oh, I don't know Sonny. Its Ash, as soon as he gets involved in anything things go to shit!"

"Hey, you know you should ignore the ass! So, what's he done now?"

He sighs loudly taking a long swig from the bottle of beer and knocking the chaser shot back   
"I don't know Sonny. I thought once he, Casey, was here, then all this stuff about her going back in the Navy would stop. You know I hoped. I mean, I know how much it means to her but... just god! This is gonna be hard enough without trying to get childcare for two deployments. I mean if she's at sea, what the hell do I do if I get spun up? And when we're both deployed... who the hell looks after him? Did you know she went to the gym today?!"

"To the gym!?" Sonny frowns "Seriously? I mean, that's a little soon right? I mean that's pushing it, it's only been a few days. Should she be doin' that, medically?"

"Yeah that's what I told her! She just won't listen, to anything. Now she's talking about passports. Sonny, do you think I’m gonna lose my son?"

"Hey .. " Sonny sits up looking at Clay "Hey c'mon, what the hell makes you think that? I mean she can't take him right. I thought she can't fly, not soon and well..."

"I don't know. But you just you hear all the time don't you, in the papers. Mom's takes their kids on vacation and don't come back. Father never sees them again!"

"Yeah but... she's not thinking of taking him is she? Did she say something. I thought you two were fine " Sonny takes a breath "Did she say, she's gonna go back to the UK? Clay, what the hell’s brought this on?"

"She said she has to go back, get some stuff. You know sort her apartment in the UK. But what if she gets there, then decides not to come back? I mean shes got a life there and this... this asshole marine guy, Alex. I mean what if when she gets back they... they hook up?"

"Hey now stop this. She's not said they're going to, and anyway, I thought you told him not to have contact any more. Clay he's thousands of miles away. You're not worried about him seriously? A marine? C'mon Clay you can handle this, right”

"Yeah I did tell him not to call. But I think he's still been in touch. Sonny I saw texts, yesterday. I guessed they were him. I mean who else would she call, she doesn't have any friends here"

"Oh, c'mon Clay it could be anyone she's texting, it doesn't just have to be this guy! You know you're starting to sound paranoid. You just need to relax. It'll be fine."

"Yeah well I'm taking care of it"

"What you mean taking care of it ? Clay what have you done?"

"I um...I got an appointment, with a lawyer." he sighs as Sonny stares at him "Oh, don't look at me like that. It’s just for advice, to find out my rights. You know, see where I stand. That she can't take him" he drinks his beer he can feel the look of apprehension that Sonny's giving him right now.

"Well... yeah I guess, it don't do no harm to know where you stand. But Clay, be careful, she finds out you involving lawyers it could get messy, know what I'm sayin ? Especially if she thinks you don't trust her. Women hate that sort of thing. Maybe you'd be better to speak to her?"

"Maybe. But for now, well I’m gonna get him a passport. From what I read its easier for me to get it, as a US citizen, I got US documents, but I need a witness, to vouch I'm the parent. Will you come with me?"

Sonny sighs out loud "I guess, yeah. Yeah you know I will. You gonna tell her what you're doin ?"

Clay drink his beer thinking "No! No not yet. Look, I’m just hoping it'll pass, how she's feeling. You know that maybe her hormones, she's all over the place, crying, not sleeping and stuff so maybe she'll change her mind, when she's thinking more clearly, when we get in a routine"

"Clay.... take it slow. Cos you know this past week, well it’s been. .. _Pheww! _Well a mind fuck for all of us. I mean, not even a week ago she turn up and you find out she’s still pregnant, then in just a few days you have a baby! That's gonna mess with anyones thinking" Sonny orders two more whiskey and smiles "But what you do have....is a beautiful baby boy. Cheers!"

"Cheers! Yeah, yeah I do" Clay smiles "And Sonny, I'm gonna do whatever I have to make sure I keep him right here with me"

**o-o-o-o-o-o**

Clay stands in the bedroom doorway and lets out a long sigh. Kelsey's asleep, Casey lying on a pillow beside her, his eyes wide open as Clay stares at him. He smiles leaning over the baby   
  
"Hey .." quietly he smiles "how you doin' ? Is Mommy sleeping? Shhh!..." he picks him up laying him back in his crib and kisses him stoking his cheek "..now go to sleep!"

_Mmmm!_ Kelsey groans opening her eyes "Hey.." she frowns "you're back. I was worried. Where did you go?"

Clay kneels beside the bed "Just had a drink with Sonny.." he strokes her hair "look I'm sorry. I was tired. Training was shit. I couldn't concentrate and I shouldn't have taken it out on you"

She nods sighing, her fingers stroking his cheek "No, no you shouldn't have" she smiles "or your dad. He didn't do anything wrong. Clay, he was trying to help!"

"Forget about Ash.." he kisses her lips as she opens the quilt on the bed indicating for him to get in beside her. She turns over, so her back is against his chest and pull his arms around her tight, as he kisses her neck "I love you Kelsey. So much. I couldn't ever face losing either of you"

"Hey...it's not gonna happen" She closes her eyes "Now, just go to sleep. It'll all be better tomorrow"   
  
She lays in the dark listening to Clay's deep breathing as he sleeps, noticing the light from her phone on the beside drawers as it silently receives a text. _Shit! _She sighs regretfully. Then closing her eyes, she takes another deep breath, pulling Clay's arm around her body even tighter.


	21. The Barbecue - part 1

"Oh my god! What the hell is that smell?" Kelsey sniffs the air "God that's awful!"

Clay frowns, putting his nose closer to the car seat he's carrying to the door. He sniffs "Oh yeah! that's definitely him. We're gonna have to change him before we go"

"Oh, jeez, that's all we need right now! First he needs feeding, and now he poops." She lets out a long, rather tired and frustrated sigh "We're never gonna get there at this rate."

"Alright just relax and don't worry." Clay kisses her cheek "Stay there, I'll change him"

She takes a deep breath, looking at the time on her phone "We're already twenty minutes late. You know I'm never late for anything. Time keeping was always my big thing" she sighs again "God, my team would be pissing themselves laughing right now, if they were here. The times I pulled them up about the importance of punctuality and look at us first time we have to be somewhere."

"Hey, I said don't worry. Look, I already called Ray while you were feeding him and told him we are running late. He totally understood. He even laughed; said they would be running a book on just how late they thought we'd be. He didn't expect us to be on time"

"Well, I'm glad you find it funny, cos I don't!" she paces around the apartment, closing her eyes taking deep, supposedly, calming breaths. She's tense and anxious, and so very, very tired.

"Are you okay ?" he frowns, noticing that she's checking her phone again "You know, it’s only a barbecue. No one's clock watching."

"Yeah I know, it's just ... " She hesitates with her words as she stands in the bedroom doorway watching Clay, expertly change the baby's diaper "Look Clay I ..."_Pheww! _She sighs nervously, biting her lip while she chooses her wording "This barbecue, there's something I need to tell you...."

"Here hold him a minute" Clay interrupts handing the changed and clean Casey to her "I'll just put this in the trash. God, it stinks!"

"Yeah well bring that bag down with us when we go down. Otherwise it'll smell the whole place out by the time we get back" She takes another hesitant breath, smiling at Casey has his big wide eyes look up at her where she's holding him against her chest.

"Right, I'm listening now... about this barbecue, what?"

"Yeah well um... I've got a friend...... Oh my god, SHIT!! Oh, shit NO!" she holds Casey away from her handing him back to Clay "Oh my god he's just puked all over me. Shit! Oh no!!"   
She can feel the exasperated tears well hot on the rims of her eyes " Here take him.Oh my God I don't believe this, all over my top! Oh, we should never have said we go to this." She sighs looking at the baby vomit making a long mark down the front of her clean shirt "This is too much. I can't do this, not today!"

"Hey, hey come here. "Clay balances Casey against his chest, holding him with one hand and wrapping his other arm around Kelsey's neck while kissing her forehead   
"Just calm down alright, we'll find a clean shirt. Hey stop crying. Kelsey c'mon, it's gonna be okay, it's not like anyone's going to be looking at what shirt you're wearing. This is about showing him off. Your shirt doesn't matter".

"Oh yeah great, thanks. Make me feel special why don't you!"

"Oh, hey look...." Clay sighs realising how crass that might have sounded "I... I didn't mean... I mean, you look great in whatever you wear. It doesn't have to be special"

"Yeah well I wanted to wear this. It was the only thing that I felt okay in . But.... " _Pheww! _she takes a breath, closing her eyes trying to calm down " This is too hard. I can't do it"

"Yes, you can!" Clay laughs "Kelsey, it's just a shirt"

"Stop laughing. This is not funny."

"Sorry!" he bites his lip trying to stifle his grin. He can see how upset she is, but it doesn't make sense over something so small, like a dirty shirt. Plus, the situation of pooping and puke makes him laugh again. It's as if Casey is trying to sabotage them leaving "Look, we'll find you something to wear" He tries to hand Casey to her

"Just keep him away from me!"

Clay laughs again at the seriousness on her face "C'mon Casey, let's find your Mommy something to wear"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"You okay?" Clay frowns as he looks over, watching her sat the passenger seat. Her head leaned against the window; eyes closed. "I said are you alright? Kelsey, answer me"

"Yeah I'm fine!"

"You sure? You don't sound like you are. You're not still upset over your shirt?"

"No!" she sighs, she is really but in her head she also knows how ludicrous it is to make such a fuss.

"Well what then? Did I do something?"

"No just.. oh, I don't know. Sorry I'm just so tired. This feeding every three hours is getting to me now. I'm just glad you agreed we could try those bottles that I got yesterday. I know you're not keen, but I really think it will help"

He smiles uncomfortably "Yeah, we'll see. Anyway, we'll be there soon then you can relax. We can have a nice afternoon in the sun, and Sonny's Barbecue food is to die for, but don't you dare tell him I said that"

"Yeah, everything will be great" She sighs looking down at the car seat fitted between them. Casey now snuggled down sleeping contentedly, his hand tiny hand wrapped around Clay's little finger as he rests his hand over the baby seat while he drives.   
  
Turning away from them both so they don't see, she looks out of the side window, wiping hot tears away from her cheeks and silently sobbing in the back of her throat. She just can't stop crying and doesn't understand why. Checking again the button fronted tee shirt she's now wearing. It wasn't her first or even second choice. In fact, it was no choice it was the only thing clean with buttons that she had.   
  
Clay pulls up and parks and lifts out the car seat as Kelsey gets out "You think we should take the pram?" she looks up " I was just thinking he could sleep then"

"No, it'll be fine. I ll carry him. You bring the diaper bag just in case we need to change him again!"

"Okay" she reaches in the truck foot well and takes out the blue changing bag then searches looking for the small white cool bag that contained the bottles she prepared earlier "Clay you did bring that bag with the bottles in, like we agreed ? "

"Oh, you mean the little cool bag that was on the worktop. "

"Yeah that one. Just I can't see it in here now. Where did you put it?"

" Um.. actually, I think in the rush to leave it got left behind. I mean, I forgot to pick it up again"

_Huh! _She frowns "What do you mean you forgot? How could you forget it was right there with this nappy bag? Clay that has the milk for him for today. You know so I could _relax_, like you said"

"Hey you can relax . Don't worry it doesn't matter " he puts his arm around her shoulder stroking her cheek "Look, they've all been there done it, no one will worry about you feeding him"

"Yeah well I'll worry. Clay, we have to go back and get it"

"No! No, we're here now, we're not going back from some dumb bottles. It 'll be fine. I mean it's not like you can't feed him is it"

"Dumb bottles!!? What the fuck! Oh my god... you left them on purpose, didn't you?"

"Look let's not argue in front him." he takes a deep breath, then he can't lie he has to come clean "Okay alright, yeah, yeah I left them behind. I just .. I just don't want people to think that were not doing the best for him. You know questioning if we're being good parents"

"What the hell!? " she frowns "Are you actually serious? Not doing the best! Who's even going to be thinking that? What because we give him a bottle? You do know Naima gave her babies a bottle!?"

"Yeah well maybe you're right, but I just didn't want people seeing him having a bottle thinking we didn't try out best. It's only been a few days."

Kelsey's fuming with him now. She grinds her teeth hushing her voice as she can see the others walking over towards them "Clay, I don' t give a _fuck_ what they think. This was to help me! Give me a break. I seriously can't believe you did this!"

He's pissed off that shes speaking to him with this kind of tone "Well you seemed to care enough about what shirt you were going to wear!"

Kelsey lip quivers and she takes a sharp intake of breath "Fuck you Clay!"   
  
She's spewing in anger with him now, but it just causes tears to silently roll down her cheeks. Feeling rather pathetic for crying constantly, she takes lots of deep breaths trying to control them seeing Naima, Ray and Sonny head over towards them.

"Hi.. " she manages to paint a fake smile on her face covering the stinging angry look that she aims at Clay "How are you? Look sorry we're so late."

"We're good." Naima kisses her cheek " and hey, you're only forty minutes late that's actually impressive with a new baby. I'd have been at least an hour!" she smiles

"Yeah, well we err.... we had a few accidents before we came. You must know how it is. Feed, poop, puke, rinse and repeat." Kelsey continues with the smile. So, forced that the corners of her mouth ache and her throat fills with the hurt from the tears she's trying to stifle.

"How you doin today? "Sonny nods towards Clay. He can't help but notice how quiet he's being. He knows Clay too well, sensing there's an atmosphere. "All that drama, hey I'll bet you could do with a cold beer right about now, yeah? C'mon over, we got some in the cooler by the barbecue"

Kelsey eyes look at Clay, she has the huge sneering stare on her face as she mockingly copies Sonny's voice "_Bet you could do with a cold beer Clay! _Yeah well couldn't we all!"

"Hey... ." Clay frowns "...stop it okay! I'm sorry about the bottles. I should have thought, and I didn't. I just didn't know it was that big of a deal to you. And I hope you're not gonna drink, are you?"

"Oh god forbid I might do something so unholy! Cos drinking when taking care of my son, that would make me a really bad parent right!" She sighs, staring hard at him before she storms off following Sonny, leaving Clay with the car seat and the bag.

_Fuck!! _Clay sighs "Sorry little man. That's women for ya! You'll learn as you grow up, can't do right for doing wrong! C'mon let's go see Uncle Jason and Uncle Eric yeah..." .

Sonny's turning the meat on the barbecue as everyone gathers around. He takes the top off a beer, handing it to Clay. He smiles at Kelsey "You want somethin' ta drink? There's um... juice or cola and um...well that's about it really" he smiles awkwardly realising that they didn't really come prepared for someone who wasn't drinking.

"Actually, have you got vodka? Make mine a double if you have"

Sonny stares at her dead pan face "Um.. errrr.. you know...um... we ..No.. um." he stutters looking at Clay on how he should answer.

Seeing him awkwardly flounder at her request and the utter look of horror on Clay's face she smiles. A huge grin breaking out across her mouth "Oh, I'm just joking with you. obviously...juice will be fine!"

Ray and Jason both laugh out loud as they also notice the look on Clay's face "Oh come on Clay it was funny right?!"

Kelsey smirks. Mandy hands her a glass of orange juice "Hey.. " she puts out her hand "I'm Mandy, Ellis. I... I work with the team sometimes. So, Clay tells me you used to be in the Navy too?"

"Hey.. pleased to meet you, Mandy. Yeah... well technically I still am, in the Navy. I mean, I haven't resigned my commission yet and I still have a few more weeks to decide if that's what I want to do"

She notices the rapid exchange of glances between the group that surrounds her "Oh right.." Mandy frowns looking at Eric. "...so, what do you do?"

"Senior communications officer. Radar and comms mainly, at the Captains request on the bridge" she smiles sipping from the glass of juice. She notices the way Clay's awkwardly shifting position and the look he's giving her.

"Officer?!" Mandy frowns "Oh you should speak to Lisa here; she's just been through OCS made ensign"

"Oh congratulations" Kelsey smiles "Pretty tough, hey? OCS I mean".

"Yeah sure was" Davis smiles " um... what rank you make?"

"Sub lieutenant, sorry I... I don't know what the equivalent is here" She smiles "So Mandy, what do you do?"

"Oh um.. I'm more government based. Admin kinda thing"

"More spook type thing then?" Kelsey smiles

Mandy nods " I can neither confirm, nor deny that"

Kelsey nods as she checks the text that just arrived on her phone. Clay notices her looking at it as he takes Casey from the travel seat, handing him over to Lisa, she's been itching to give him a cuddle.  
  
"Something wrong?" Clay frowns

"Um... no, no not really." she reads the text it says that Alex landed, cleared customs and will be with them soon " I do just need to have a word with you though. Can we go over there"?   
  


Eric frowns looking at Jason "You know about this, that she's an officer?"  
  
"Kind of... not exactly the details. I think it's complicated. But I did speak with Clay yesterday, he says it's not gonna be a problem. Says with the situation they're in, she's not gonna be able to go back, so it won't be an issue, he has it in hand. Why you think it could it be a problem?"

Eric sigh as he shrugs his shoulders "I'm not exactly sure. I mean different navy, no chain of command issues so I can't see why there would be a problem but... this is the navy right? And sometimes rules are rules"

_Hmmm!_ Jason sigh "Okay well I'll have a word with him . Make him understand the potential conflict. Meanwhile can you look into it just in case?".

"Yeah sure" Eric nods as he now takes his turn to hold the baby. "Look Jason, while I'm here this situation in the Gulf that we were briefed on yesterday. Mandy's intel suggests that things are hoting up out there. Looks like this op might get brought forward anytime soon ... Is Spenser gonna be okay with that? I mean is he gonna be ready to go?"

"Yeah, yeah. As I said, I spoke with him yesterday, he said he was good to go. Probably be glad to get some sleep. I mean I remember those first weeks. You certainly learn why sleep deprivation is recognised torture, right !"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"So..." Clay frowns at her "..what's the problem now?"

"Why do you keep saying I _was_ in the navy ? Why do you have to say it like I've finished with it"?

He licks his lips thinking how to answer without getting into an argument again "Look, you saw his face right, Commander Blackburn, this could still be an issue for us. Things don't change just because you had a baby. I just don't wanna put any more pressure on. If they think you're not going back, finished, then it gives us time to work out any problems before they become problems right?"

"Yeah!" she nods "yeah, yeah I guess you're right, sorry I didn't think about that".

"You think he's gonna need feeding soon?"

She looks around seeing the group passing Casey around between them "Oh he looks like he's okay for now. Come here " she wraps her arms around his waist as he holds her chin and kisses her.   
  
Looking up into his eyes, he brushes her hair away from her face he pushes himself firmly against her. His hand softly caressing her back _Mmmm_ "This is nice. We need more of this. Some Mommy and daddy time." he smiles and kisses her again "You know I was just wondering how long before, you know... we can.. again"

"Clay Spenser get that idea out of your head, right now!" she smiles "Anyway, if you really need to know, I did ask because, well I wondered the same thing" she kisses him "and the midwife, she said about four to six weeks, depending how I feel, so you'll have to find other ways of keeping busy for now!" She smiles reaching her lips up to kiss him again.

"Oh..." he kisses her neck "..I can find other ways, that we could take care of things" His hands wrap around over the curves of her butt. _Mmmm_ " You are still so very sexy!"

"Clay! Will you stop" she looks around "Everyone's looking at us!"

"I don't see them. So, what did you want to tell me?"

"Um.. yeah look..." she holds him back, looking in his eyes and taking a deep breath

"Why do I get the feeling I'm not gonna like this?" he frowns pulling her back against him. Holding her tight

"I don't know... I mean, there's no reason you shouldn't. It depends if you want to make it an issue or not?" she circles her finger teasingly on his chest

"Okay so I'm _not_ gonna like it. What is it?"

"Well, you know my friend, Alex, well... well he's coming over, to the states, from the UK. He has two weeks R n R leave and he's gonna bring some of my stuff over. Clothes, post, paperwork that sort of thing"

"Oh, he is, is he? Right. And you arranged this with him already, without us talking about it?"

"Clay please.." she holds him tight as he tries to pull away "..don't! Look, I need my clothes and things and he offered. Plus, he wants to see Casey"  
She looks at him, the simmering annoyance on his face "Oh c'mon Clay, he helped me out for nearly six months. He's a really good friend, and he offered to do this. Please, just be nice about it."

"I can't believe this." He sighs rubbing his hand through his hair " So when's he coming? What I mean is, how long do have to get use to the idea?"

"Today!" She coughs nervously "He's coming today. In fact, he's already here. He just text to say his flight landed an hour ago and he's gonna meet us here after he sorts a hire car"

"Here!" Clay scoffs "To the barbecue? You asked him here."

"What was I supposed to do? He said he was coming, and then you said about this, so I figured he could meet everyone at once. Naima said it would be fine to bring him along."

"You asked Naima, but you didn't say anything to me?"

"Only when she came yesterday, I guess like me, she didn't see a problem with it"

"She didn't see a problem, in a man friend of yours coming here"

"Well, I didn't say it was guy I didn't see any reason to, I just told her a friend, which he is."

"so, you lied!"

"No!" she pushes him back "For god sake Clay why do you have to be like this? Alex is doing _me _the favour. It's that or I have to go back, which I will have to do soon anyway. I needed some clothes and there is post, letters to sort out. This past week, well it's been a little crazy, and I can't just ignore everything back there. Look, I don't want to argue with you, not here. Not with everyone watching"

"Oh, is that why you got him to come here? So that I didn't make a scene in front of everyone. Sneaky!"

"It wasn't like that. I just wanted you to give him a chance. Alex has been my friend for a long time. We go way back and well, I just want you to get on with him. I want you to like each other. For Casey."

"Oh don't, don't play that. No, I think having a baby has warped your brain!" Clay laughs "What part of inviting him here seemed like a good idea? I told him already to stop contacting you. Looks like he didn't listen" He sighs, sneering "Guess that cos he's some dumb grunt marine right? Can't take orders"

"Clay stop that!! Alex is not dumb, not by any means. You need to have some respect"

"But you didn't tell him what I did, did you? No, cos it might point out how far off the mark he is!"

"Clay I don't believe you. How can you say something like that? What Alex does and what you do, it's not so very different!"

"Yeah" he laughs " but my job is a bit more specialised. When he's just there to follow orders. Shoot, point, kill ...right?"

"You know what, I'm not talking to you while you're like this. You're acting like a spoiled child, who doesn't want to share his toys. He's a friend, _just_ a friend. Like Mandy over there, she's friends with you all. Doesn't mean she's sleeping with you does it!"

"That's different"

"_How _?" _hmmm _"You know, I can't believe you told him not to call me. What right did you have to do that”?

"Every right you're _my_ girlfriend, the mother of _my_ child and I don't want some guy calling, trying to hook up with you. Look I tried, I really tried to buy the whole we're friends story but I can't okay! I'm sorry if you don't like that, but I'm asking you to tell him thanks but no thanks, that he'll have to go back"

She sighs "You're asking that. Sorry but he's on his way here and you'll just have to suck it up!"

Naima frowns hearing them argue she now joins them and interrupts with a crying Casey in her arms. "Is everything okay here?"

"Yeah fine " Kelsey snaps

"Well um... look I think he needs his mommy. He's a bit grisly right now, maybe he's hungry?"

"Yeah, yeah sure. I'll sort him. Thank you" she sighs "Why don't you go and have a drink with Sonny, while I feed him. I don't want to argue anymore"

"You know, actually I think that about the best thing you've said today!"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Hey there Clay" . Sonny looks around watching as Clay sucks the life from the bottle of beer, chugging it back "Hey, hey! Clay, slow down there. What the hell's wrong?"

"What's wrong?! You're asking me what's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong. That fucking Marine that's what's wrong!"

"Marine? What mar.... oh, oh, that Alex guy? Why what's he done now?"

"He's coming, here... _here_ today!" he sighs as he drinks more of the beer back "That's what she just told me. Would you believe his flight already landed and she's only just told me. Fuck sake Sonny, what am I gonna do?"

"Hey .. hey, calm down alright. So, what's the problem? Look Clay, we're here right. He's not gonna do anything here today. He'll come, he'll see you're together and then we'll tell him to do one, we'll make it clear he's not wanted right?"

"Yeah!" Clay takes a breath "Yeah I just... I just don't like it Sonny. I gotta be nice to some jarhead bullet catcher"

Kelsey stands frowning as she watches him drinking and swearing "Actually, you know.... Royal marine's not quite what you think" She sighs handing Casey to him "Take your son! He just need changing not feeding. And don't drink too much while you've got him"

"Oh um.. right "Clay looks awkwardly apologetic realising what he must seem like, drinking and ranting away " Kelsey! Kelsey don't walk away from me. What do you mean not the same thing?"

"I mean, green beret, commando's. They're kind of an elite unit, a bit like bravo!"

Clay takes a breath and Sonny smiles awkwardly " I thought UK had special air service, SAS thing"

"Yeah that too. But, what I'm saying if you must know Alex's commando unit, it's not just regular army like you imagine. And seeing as you're so keen on the one up Manship, I don't expect he'll want you to salute him as an officer, seeing as we're off the clock!" She sighs, picking up another orange juice then walks away "Grow up Clay!" 

"Shit! Kelsey... I'm sorry!" Clay has Casey in his arms and looks at Sonny who's trying desperately to stifle the laugh on his lips. Clay frowns "What?!"   
  
Sonny finally caves in and laughs "Oh c'mon you asked for that!"

"I did, didn't I. Shit! That's all I need some fucking officer!"

"Oh, Clay c'mon you can handle this guy. A cake eater.. nothin to worry about, right!"

"Yeah him I'm not worried about" he sighs "It's her I'm more concerned about. How the hell am I gonna put this right" 

"Hey don't look at me, you know I don't understand women!" Sonny shrugs "I dunno, maybe you'll have to try bein' nice to him? "  
  
"Yeah, like that's gonna happen. Not after what I said on the phone to him!"


	22. The Barbecue - part 2

Sat by herself on the wooden park bench, Kelsey feels alone. She looks over her shoulder at Clay and his team. Watching as the group cuddle and coo over her baby, and supervised by Clay, they pass him around between them. With the back of her hand, she wipes away the large tears from her face. They're running down her cheeks continuously. She doesn't even really know why she's crying, but still she continues to cry. The tears come with the sporadic waves of sadness she feels. One minute she finds herself totally elated, happy, smiling. Clucking over the tiny human bundle in her arms, and then the next minute she feels like she's in the pits of despair and she just wants to grab him, board a plane and fly home to the UK.  
  
But she's not even sure if that's the reason for the tears, or if it's that right now, in this moment, she feels like an outsider. Like they're over there, a strong bonded unit which she doesn't fit into. This past week has been one of relentless confusion and chaos. One minute she was on a plane traveling here, filled with anxiety about seeing Clay again. Then happy when they were reconciled at long last. And then, weeks earlier than she expected, she was giving birth, to a baby boy, in the bathroom of a bar. She smiles, laughing to herself. _God how bloody bizarre is all this? _She sighs._ You couldn't make it up. _

She's stuck between two countries, unable to go anywhere for now. It's like a limbo like hell where she's reliant on everyone else and she's hating the lack of control that she has over anything going on in her life.

_Awww! _She grimaces putting her hand to her breast and she has to admit that some of her tears are because she's in pain. That her swollen, sore breasts really hurt, the right one more so. It's hard, sore and aches like hell and as she continues to gently massage it, she starts to weep again. Sighing she takes a deep breath in as she looks up at the blue sky. She's enjoying the heat of the warm sun on her face and it makes her feel better. She stares long and hard at the glass of juice in her hand, she didn't even really want it. Only taking it to be polite.  
_Fuck! _She sighs emptying the orange liquid onto the grass and standing the glass on the ground beneath the bench, she wipes another large tear from her cheek._  
  
Shit !_ She's tired and rubs her hands over her face. _For God sake, get it together! _  
She closes her eyes, taking a long slow breath in. Losing herself inside her head, her thoughts whizzing around, she tries to make the most of these few, precious, quiet minutes by herself. But as she opens her eyes again, her gaze is drawn toward the road on the other side of the park. A broad smile breaks out across her face as she watches the tall, well-built guy who's walking towards her.  
  
She stands up. Still smiling, she shields her eyes from the sun to get a better look. _Alex! _"Oh my god... Alex!" She calls out, waving. Wearing a stylish pair of ray ban sunglasses and chewing gum, he puts his hand up and waves back as he sees her and he hurries across the grass. Brushing his floppy, dark locks back from his face. He has this huge presence, and making long confident strides, he heads straight in her direction.  
  
"Oh god!" She gasps excitedly, virtually running across the park towards him. Throwing her arms around his waist as he easily picks her up, holding her in his arms, before he places lots of kisses along her neck.  
  
"Hey trouble, how are you?" he smiles

"I'm good!" she sighs relieved to see him "Oh my god, I'm so glad you came. I'm just sorry it had to be like this, you know a meet and greet barbecue."

"Hey, I'm just happy to see you. And since when did something like this bother me? You know me better than that"  
  
"I guess not" she laughs "I'm just so glad you came" She hugs her arms around his chest, him squeezing her tightly against him "Oh careful! " she grimaces as she adjusts her shirt and bra where her breasts were rubbing against his chest.

"You okay?" he frowns, he can see the face that she makes.

"Yeah fine, it's just ... just awkward "She smiles putting her hand on her chest.

"Wow!" He looks down at her, unable not to notice her larger, fuller figure squashed into the button front shirt " Well look at you... you um... you look great!" he smiles "Tired ..." he brushes her hair back from her face "..but great!"

"Yeah, yeah I am tired. Three hour feeding shifts will do that! And as for great looking?" _Hmmm_ "Yeah, I'm not so sure about that"

"Hey c'mon, you always look stunning, well in my opinion. But I know I'm bias."

"Oh Alex... " she closes her eyes and starts sobbing "I'm am so glad you're here." once again she wraps her arms around him but his time she doesn't let him go.

He takes his sunglasses off, placing them up on his head "Jesus Christ Kelsey, let me bloody breath" He laughs, though as he looks at her his smile quickly changes to a frown. And as his eyes adjust to the bright sunlight he can see that she's crying "Hey, hey Kelsey, what the hell's wrong?" he frowns "Kelsey talk to me. What's the matter?"

"Nothing." she wipes her face, but she can't stop the tears flowing. "Sorry. I don't mean to be like this I just, ... oh god!"

"Well I've never had this effect on you before, that's for sure." he laughs " So, you gonna tell me what's going on? Everything's alright with you and... him?"

She nods still crying "Yeah we're good. Everything's good. "

"So why all the tears? Christ I've never seen you cry like this before. Okay maybe that one time, when I shut your hand in the car door but..."

"Yeah ! " she laughs "Yeah that did hurt! I'm sorry. I'm a mess. Lack of sleep I guess. Take no notice. I don't know why, just a bit tearful right now." she takes a deep breath _Fuck! _"Sorry. Alex, I'm so glad to see you"

He towers over her brushing his hand through her hair, looking her over, studying her. He laughs

"What?" she looks up frowning "Alex, what are you laughing at? Stop!"

"You, you look strange"

"Oh thanks! You know if that's supposed to be compliment, then you're failing at life" She punches him hard on the arm " And yeah, I know this outfit , it doesn't exactly scream MILF, but the first one got baby puke on it. Which by the way, is an everyday hazard now. You're gonna love that, seeing how squeamish you are with bodily fluids."

"Hey, I was medic, I'm not squeamish. Though maybe a tad, where vomit is concerned. Any way I don't mean what you're wearing, I mean seeing you with no baby bump. I got so used to it that now it seems strange." he puts his hand to her stomach "Feels a lot softer now. So...." He smile "What did you do with your bump?"

"Well..." She blushes ".. all seven pounds of _bump_ is just over there." She sighs reaching up, wrapping her arms around his neck, she kisses him, gently, full on the lips "So, you did bring me some clothes, right? "

"Oh, oh now I see, you're just using me! You only want me for a suitcase of clothes, is that right?"  
  
"Of course " She nods, smiling at him "What? You didn't think it was your model good looks and great body did you? Cos just to tell you, that ship sailed a long time ago, and I wouldn't wanna disappoint your ego."  
  
He laughs as he wraps his arms around her and kisses her head "Well good job I brought you a huge suitcase full of clothes then. And by the way, do you know how much it cost me in extra baggage duty? You owe me big style Kelsey Roberts!"

"Oh, shut up, you officers can afford it!"

"Ohhhh....._ us_ officers?! I see that's how it is now. Well, may I remind you that you too are included in that _us!_"

_Hmm!_ "Maybe. Technically I guess, for now. Though I'm not sure for how much longer"

He frowns watching her "What? You're gonna give it up?"

She shrugs "Who knows. Maybe. I'm thinking about it."

"Wow! Okay. Wasn't expecting that, but hey I guess you have to do what's best now."_ Hmmm! _he sighs "So, anyway, you gonna show me this _bump_?"

"I guess." she smiles "He's over there, with Clay. C'mon I'll introduce you." They turn around and walk towards the barbecue where Clay and the guys are standing "Wait!."  
  
She stops. Hesitating, she holds her hand against his chest preventing him moving "Alex... please be nice. I've only just told Clay that you were coming and... well he's not taken it all that well. I think he's convinced there's something going on between us. So, I don't want a scene, not today. I mean it's the first time I've met some of these people myself, so just play nice"

"Hey..." he smiles "I promise, best behaviour. Scouts honour Ma'am. You know what, I'll use all my charm on him"

_Hmmm!_ she frowns "Alex shut up, you were never a boy scout. Oh, and you never behave either, so don't pretend you do. Anyway c'mon .." she laughs "I'll introduce you."

**o-o-o-o-o-o**

"_Oh! _Oh yes." Mandy gasps, a big grin spreading across her face. She teasingly bites her bottom lip _Mmmm! _she groans "Who the hell is he?" she tilts her head nudging Lisa who's standing beside her

"Ohhh!" Lisa looks back at her in surprise "Oh yeah!!"_Mmmm! " _Wow! Do we know who he is ?"

"I have no idea, but he um... he looks like he knows Clay's girlfriend, or at least I hope he does"

Sonny looks up from the steak that he's tending on the barbecue. Frowning as he listens to the continuous running commentary Mandy and Lisa give on Alex's appearance. Turning his head he looks out across the grass to see what they're actually talking about.  
  
"Oh hell" he sighs "He's sure as hell not what I was expectin'" He frowns, nudging Clay with his elbow to attract his attention. "Hey Blondie, look up! Your Marine buddy's here."  
  
"Oh, fuck!" Clay sighs as he finishes up his second bottle of beer "What the....". He frowns, watching as they slowly wander towards them.  
  
He has to admit, Alex, looks nothing like the picture he had in his head. He's tall, toned, definitely works out, a lot. And even Clay can't deny he's good looking. No, he's certainly not the beefy meat head that he thought he would be. _Shit!_

Jason moves in closer beside them. He frowns as he watches them too "So who the hell's this guy?"

Their comments attract the attention of Naima "Oh! I guess that must be Kelsey's _friend_" she also frowns "She um... she asked me if it was okay, for a friend to come along, when I saw her yesterday. But I actually had no idea it was a guy"

"You knew about this?" Ray frowns, raising his eyebrow showing his concern "And you didn't think to say anything"

"No! Ray, she asked if a friend could come along. What was I supposed to say? Honestly, she never said it was a guy."

What concerns Jason, more than the guy he can see headed in their direction, is the angsty, apprehensive, glaringly sour, look on Clay's face as he opens a third bottle of beer. "Hey, hey Clay!.. Just calm it down, okay. Stay in control here."

"She said just a _friend_, does he look like just _a friend_?"

"C'mon just cos he.. he looks like that, there's nothing to say that he isn't just _a friend_"

Mandy continues biting her lip. Wistfully, teasingly twisting lengths of her hair around her finger. From the smile on her face it couldn't be clearer what she thinks about Alex "So do we know his name?" she sighs watching as he and Kelsey are nearly beside them. "I gotta say.." she laughs "he's pretty damn hot"

"Well.." Jason frowns. He lets out a long sigh and folds his arms across his chest as they now all stare in the couple's direction " I wouldn't say he's anything special."

"Yeah sure!" Mandy laughs, her eyebrow frowning as Jason looks at her "Oh c'mon Jason, look at him." she gestures in their direction "Even you can appreciate that he' a good-looking guy" She smiles teasingly "What'd you say Naima? "

"Oh, I don't know. I'm a married woman, I haven't noticed" She smiles. Flustered by Mandy's question, she looks up at Ray, stroking her hand along his arm "I only have eyes for one man" she smiles, kissing her husband on the cheek "but yeah, I guess he does have a nice um... presence about him "

Ray looks at her an frowns "Hey! What're you tryin to say here?"

"Oh baby don't worry. He doesn't have more of presence than you!" she smiles kissing his cheek "Ray, honey you know I love you very much, but... " she laughs teasing him "I have to agree with Mandy on this one"

_Oh fuck!_ Clay sighs "They're coming over"

"Clay ..." Sonny frowns, he's concerned by the look on his face "look, just keep it together, alright. Don't let him know he's botherin you. We got your six on this "

Clay nods and putting the bottle of beer down he lifts Casey from the travel seat, holding him tight to his chest, protecting his back and head with his hand.  
  
"Hey!" Kelsey smiles as they reach the group and apprehensively begins to introduce them all "So um... everyone, this is my friend, Alex. He's literally just flown in from the UK"

"Hi !" he smiles "I'm on what you'd call a humanitarian mission. Bringing clothes to the needy" He laughs, putting his arm around Kelsey. He thought that maybe the joke would break some of the tension in the awkward atmosphere. In fact he's only met with a raft of blank stares.  
  
Clay stands silently watching him. Cuddling Casey, holding him tight to his chest. There's an obvious tension between the two guys but Alex doesn't let it bother him and he confidently puts his hand out towards Clay to greet him  
  
"You must be Clay, right?" He smiles as Clay just scowls. He neither answers not does he accept the shake of his hand, instead holding his hand tighter around his baby son and Alex tries again "Kelsey's told me a lot about you. All good, I might add." he laughs "It's nice to finally put a face to a name"

His over confidence throws Clay off balance and eventually he has to give in otherwise he knows its him that's going to look bad. Reluctantly, he puts his hand out and they exchange pleasantries "Yeah um... same here. Though, can't say I know a lot about you" he sighs glancing over at Kelsey "So how long will you be staying?"

"Oh..." Alex smiles " I have a couple of weeks R n R, so I'll stay as long as she needs me to"

Clay is starting to get annoyed. Alex's overconfident, arrogant attitude. _Who the hell does he think he is? _ "As long as she needs?" he laughs. He can't help but reply sarcastically "Well it's not like she _needs you_ here at all, is it."

Kelsey sighs she can see Clay's aggrieved but she's annoyed that he doesn't appear to be trying to make an effort. She doesn't say anything and ignoring his comments she continues to introduce him to the rest of the group. Pointing them out one by one.  
  
"So... this is Brock and um.. full metal" she frowns she's never known his name Clay's only ever called him _Metal_ "And um.. this is Jason, Master Chief Hayes, Clay's team leader"  
She smiles. "There at the barbecue, that's Mandy and Sonny, he's from Texas. This is Ray, and his wife Naima. Today, it was their idea"  
  
"Hey Alex....." Ray smiles, the only one of the group making an active effort to reach out and welcome him with a shake of his hand "So what is it you do? Did someone mention Royal Marines?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah that's right" he smiles "I'm unit CO, Lieutenant colonel... four two commando"

Ray raises his eyebrows, he's somewhat impressed. Jason doesn't move. his eyes exchange glances with Sonny and Ray. They can all see from the look on Clay's face, and his eye rolls, that he's not impressed.  
  
He tightens his hold on Casey, stroking his tiny body as he sleeps contentedly against his chest. Kelsey sighs. She knew Alex wouldn't be able to resist trying to impress. She watches as Clay gives a long hard stare in response to Alex's comments. She can feel the vibes of his annoyance. Then Clay coughs getting Alex's attention "So did Kelsey tell you want _we_ do?"

"No.." Alex smiles at him "..well she didn't tell me, not exactly. But I can kinda guess, from looking at you. I guess she didn't think it was something I needed to know."

Kelsey can feel a clash of egos brewing, Alex starting to lose some of his cool with Clay's comments. And as they start to pick at each other there's a tense awkward silence "Look...let's not do this right now. Alex..." She smiles ".. I thought you wanted to meet _bump_." she laughs, carefully lifting Casey from Clay's arms   
"Hey there baby boy" she smiles as Casey blinks his eyes open to look at her "_Aww, _were you sleepy there with Daddy. I know, but hey... I want you to come meet your Uncle Alex. He's been waiting to see you for a while now"  
  
She turns, her face beaming, passing the waking baby to a hesitant Alex's arms. Forcing him to take hold, she then adjusts his hands around Casey's head "So, this is Casey, aka bump" She smiles again, kissing his sleepy cheek.  
  
Alex pulls him closer to his chest to hold him more securely, and Kelsey turns to look at Clay, she can see him awkwardly shifting position. Moving from foot to foot where he stands and sighing loudly. She smiles at him, taking his hand in hers, pulling his body closer to her. She holds him tight, trying to reassure him by leaning her head against his shoulder. Placing her hand on his chest, stroking it gently over his tee shirt, she smiles; she can feel him puffing his chest out, trying to make his presence felt.  
  
"Hey.. hold his head" Clay sharply corrects Alex, as he stares hard at this man holding his son. He feels really uncomfortable about it, and it doesn't go un-noticed by the rest of the group.

"Well, hi there bump" Alex smiles as the tiny baby he has balanced, carefully, in his arms "You know the last time I saw you, you were in your mummy's tummy and we didn't even expect you to be here yet." Alex looks at Casey's hand, his tiny fingers in his own larger hands "Well at least he doesn't look like a squid anymore" he smirks as he looks up at Kelsey.

"A squid?" Clay frowns, taking immediate exception to his choice of words.  
  
Kelsey tightens her grip on Clay's hand, trying to calm him "Oh don' t take any notice of him. It's just something he said at the scan. The image was fuzzy on the first one they did, and Alex being Alex said to the doctor that he looked like a squid" Both she and Alex laugh about their shared moment, much to the exclusion of Clay. She look around at him and she can tell he's annoyed "Oh, he looked nothing like a squid, it was just him being stupid, as normal!"

"Well I thought he did" Alex laughs "But I do have to say he's so much cuter now" He smiles at her, stroking his large finger against Casey's cheek "Hey there. You know you're a very handsome boy" he looks up and smiles at Kelsey "Hey Roberts... you know you did good, he's beautiful. Congratulations... both of you"

Kelsey smiles at the fact that Alex is making an effort with Clay, now if she can just get Clay to reciprocate then things would be perfect. It doesn't work and Clay's still taking offense to Alex's squid comment.  
  
"Yeah well of course, that's just your opinion, right. About how he looked" he sighs out loud. He is trying to calm down, trying to be nice, trying to not let Alex bother him but as he watches him hold his son he's finding it incredibly difficult to do.

Casey starts to cry and that's Clay's instant excuse to take him back "Here I'll hold him." He lifts him back, placing him tight against his chest again "_Shhh! Shh shh!"_ he comforts him.

"So, anyway" Ray decides to interrupt the tense atmosphere "Alex, would you like a beer" He smiles as he offers him up one of the bottles from the cooler box

"Oh yes thanks. That'd be great!" He turns around taking a large swig from the bottle looking at Mandy who's also helping herself to a beer. She looks up at him still twirling lengths of her hair around her finger. She smiles.  
  
"So..." Alex sighs "Mandy, was it? Well you can't tell me you're Navy as well. If you do .. " he smiles his big charming grin " then I think I'm gonna look for a transfer when I get back"

_Oh purleeess!_ Kelsey groans under her breath, rolling her eyes as she endures watching Alex turn on the charm with an openly flirting Mandy.

"Um... no!" Mandy smiles, running her hand through the ends of her hair " No, I'm....I'm more behind the scenes. Admin, intel that kinda thing."

"Oh, right I get it. Neither confirm nor deny " he winks, smiling at her "Though, I can't imagine someone who looks like you, would be spending much time _behind the scenes_" he smiles again, having another swig from his bottle of beer "You know, maybe we could meet up while I'm here, for a drink and you could give me a bit more insight to _behind the scenes"_

"Sure!" Her smile beaming across her face from cheek to cheek "That would be good" she bites her lip flirtily as she turns her head. She smiles at Davis, hushing her voice "God he's ta die for!"  
  
"Yeah" Lisa grins "Though you'd think he was a model, not a Marine, right?"  
  
_Jeeeez! _Kelsey sighs, rolling her eyes she listens to the fawning conversation between the two women. It's not as if it's something she's not used to it. It often happens when she goes anywhere with Alex. He smiles, at the look her face which gives away exactly what she's thinking. He smirks and knowingly winks at her .  
  
_Oh Man! _Sonny sighs_. Will you listen to Miss Mandy gush all over this guy and I thought Lisa had better taste! _Sonny frowns, as he looks up and stares at Clay.  
  
Ray steps in to act as peacekeeper. Diverting Alex's attention away from the rest of the team, or more Sonny and Clay's "So, Alex why don't you come meet out CO, Commander Blackburn. He's just over here. I'm sure he'd be interested to meet you"

Kelsey sighs. She checks on Casey, who's still crying. Gently stroking his cheek with the back of her hand. She notices Clay watching her and she smiles. Moving her hand to his cheek she lightly brushes her fingers over the stubble on his face, before reaching up and kissing him "You okay?" she frowns, before dropping another, firmer, kiss on his lips.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." He bites the inside of his cheek as smiles at her "He's um...he's just, not what I thought he was going to be."

_Hmmm ! _She sighs unsure if that's a good or bad thing "Clay, just give him a chance, okay? I've known Alex since we were young and... I just want you to like each other. He's harmless when you get to know him. Okay a bit crass sometimes and yeah..." she laughs " he can be a bit sarcastic, but.... he's a good guy. So please, for me, will you just try?" she smiles, kissing him again.

"How long's he staying for, do we know that yet ?"

"I don't know" she shrugs " I guess until he gets bored and wants to go back. Though looks like your _friend _Mandy has captured his attention" She glares over at the pair of them, watching as Mandy flirts, smiling and constantly touching his arm. Alex responding in the teasing way that he does to her advances.

"I guess maybe she's just his type" Clay frowns "Why? Does it bother you or would it, I mean, if they went for a drink?""

"No!" she sharply responds frowning "No, of course not. Why should it bother me who he sees? It won't last anyway" she laughs " I know him. I know what Alex is like. He's a player. He likes, a lot of, attention. He'll be loving it, _her_ hanging on his every word like that"  
  
She sighs as she continues to watch them, Alex and Mandy, talking. Casey cries and she strokes his back as he lays tucked against Clay's chest "He's getting grizzly. I guess I better try and feed him, before he gets over tired" She scoops the baby back into her own arms "I'm gonna go and sit over there, on the bench. You stay, be with your friends. Have another drink"she kisses him again.

"Come here" Clay smiles, wrapping his hand around her head. He puts his lips to hers giving her a long, slow, lingering kiss.

"What was that for?" she smiles

"Just because.....Because I'm happy. Because, you... you and him, it's all I want. Just for us to be a family."

"I know!" She smiles "Come on... you better go check on Sonny. See how that foods going. I'm actually quite hungry now. Go tell him I'll have a burger with all the trimmings, when he's ready."  
  
Gathering Casey in her arms, she walks back toward the park bench, where she was sitting alone earlier. Then hesitating she turns around, just to check on what Alex is doing. She watches him as he interacts with the group. Standing tall, his arms folded against his chest. His obvious strength shown in his mannerisms as he engages in a deep conversation with Eric and Ray. _Oh Alex!_ She sighs, smiling to herself as she notices Mandy's still stood beside him.


	23. You need to go

Sonny's chewing gum as he stands staring at Alex who's confidently conversing with Blackburn and the others in the group. He's standing next to Clay, both of them still drinking, though it's noticeable that they've lost count exactly how many beers.   
  
Maybe the beer is what gives him confidence to speak up "So Alex..." he calls out, sauntering towards him, while looking back at Clay, over his shoulder, who's suddenly concerned about what Sonny's might say "..how long you and Kelsey known each other? I mean you seem _really _close to me, just to be_ friends _and I was wonderin if there was somethin more to it."

Alex frowns. He takes a long drink from his beer and then smiles as he faces Sonny "Oh, we've known each other years. Too many. I don't know.... since we were kids really. " He can feel a tension to this questioning "You know, when her parents got killed, her aunt took her, and her brothers in. And they lived next door to me. My father and her uncle were best friends, we kinda all grew up together."

"You older than her, right? "

"Mmmm hmm! Yeah " He sips from his beer wondering what the point in the questioning is "I guess I think there's about five years between us. Is there a reason you want to know all this?"

"No" Sonny smirks "Just a conversation. You know how it is. Just tryna figure out why a guy, like you, would hang out with a woman who's havin' another man's baby. I mean seems kinda odd friendship, if you ask me. Come all this way, just cos she asks you to bring some clothes. I mean some people would think there's more to it than that, wouldn't they?"

"Can't say I would, no! Not when that's the way it is. Listen..." he smiles "I don't know what you think, but I care about Kelsey, with all my heart, always have. Her having a baby, whoever it's with, it doesn't change that."   
  
For the first time since he arrived Alex has a frown on his face. Sonny's attitude is starting to severely annoy him. He continues to drink his beer, while giving Sonny a long, hard stare and the atmosphere is obviously very strained. Clay stays silent, throwing the odd glance in Sonny's direction as he listens to the conversation.

Ray looks at Eric. They both give Jason the same look, which says _do something_. Jason coughs awkwardly, knowing he's going to have to attempt to bring Sonny in line, without making a scene in front of everyone "You know what Sonny? I could do with another one of those steaks, and some more beer. Why don't we go get one."?

"Yeah sure thing, boss. Why don't we"

Sonny gets the intended hint and they both move away, over to where the barbecue's stationed. As they get there Jason sighs "Alright what the hell are you playin' at Sonny? You need to calm it down over there. The last thing we need right now is for anything to get out of hand. It's supposed to be a nice afternoon for Clay to show off his baby. Not for you to start world war three"

"Me boss? What you think... No. No, don't worry. I got it in control. Don't worry about me"

"Sonny..." Jason sighs, hushing his voice "..he's an officer, might not be the navy but that doesn't change the facts. Hell, he ranks higher than Blackburn, so you need to just cool it down, alright? This is not some bar fight with a bullet catcher, you go too far with this and it could have some repercussions for us. Certainly, if he wanted to take it that way. Now he _seems_ a nice guy to me, but I don't wanna test that theory. At the end of the day he's still a cake eater and I'd say you'll only be able to push his buttons so far before he bites back. Sonny, last thing I need right now is to be bailing your, or Clay's ass out of some disciplinary. You get me?"   
  
Sonny sighs and drinks his beer, he's not looking at Jason so he wonders if he's taking on board what he's saying "Sonny, do I make myself clear?"

"Oh yeah perfectly clear boss" Sonny laughs "What you mean is, if I hit him, don't get caught, right?" As Jason frowns, he continues to smile " Oh c'mon Jace....we said we got Clay's six on this. So far I don't see any of that from you. He's smug, arrogant with his fancy accent. And look at the way Miss Mandy's all over him, it's just not right. Clay's hurtin'. So, the less we make him feel welcome, the sooner we make it clear that we don't want him here, hopefully the sooner he'll leave. And that can't be a bad thing, right?"

Jason sighs "I get what you're saying Sonny. But just cool it, at least for today."

"Sure, whatever you say," Sonny salutes sarcastically "You gonna tell Clay the same thing? Cos if you didn't notice then let me tell ya, he's bubblin under the surface there. This guy could be trouble for them, and Clay don't need that right now. Hell, he's already worryin enough to get an appointment with a lawyer"

"A _lawyer_?" Jason frowns "What the hell's he want with a lawyer? Sonny, what's going on? There something I need to know about, something that might affect Clay?"

"Ah... it's nothin, well not yet. He just wants to check out his rights, you know with the baby. Make sure he can keep him here, if she was just to suddenly take off. He wants to know would he have the right to force the kid to stay here with him"

"But she's not thinking of doin' that, right? I mean it's not something she said. I thought they were getting along great. Every time I see them they're all over each other. So why the hell's he worryin'"?

"Oh, you know Clay" Sonny smiles "Look, I'm not sayin' she is, but... I don't know, Jace. My gut, it's got a bad feelin' about our Marine poster boy there. He just seems too good to be true. I mean the way they are with each other, all touchy feely. Nah, something stinks there. And I'm tellin ya last thing we need is him persuading her back to Blighty, right or encouraging this Navy thing. Clay don't need that. How the hell's he gonna cope with a baby on his own?"

_Hmmm_ Jason sighs "Alright we'll keep an eye on it. Keep an eye on Clay too, after all you know what a hot head he can be. I don't want him gettin in over his head on this. And keep me in the loop about this lawyer thing, that could get way out of hand. We get through this next couple weeks, they get into a routine and things should settle down."

Sonny take a long drink from the bottle of beer in his hand as he looks over at Alex, who's still talking with Ray "I sure the hell hope so!"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Hey!" Alex smiles leaning himself over the back of the bench. Sunglasses on, beer in his hand he's enjoying the feel of the sun on his face. "How're you doing?" he strokes the back of her neck as she sits there in silence. "Kelsey?"   
  
She still doesn't answer but now he's aware that she's crying again "Hey...hey, what the hell. Why are you crying? Kelsey, did someone upset you?" He frowns " _please, _just tell me what's wrong?"

"Sorry" she wipes her nose on the back of her hand and brushes the tears from her cheeks "I'm fine, really. You know I .. I didn't mean to drop you in the deep end with them, abandoning you. I just...I just needed to feed him"

"Hey c'mon you know me better than that. A few Navy rebels, they're not gonna worry me. But you crying like this, well that is more worrying. What on earth's the matter? "

"I'm fine. Really." she smiles looking up, her face all tear stained " I'm just tired, _really _tired. This....." _Pheww!_ she takes a deep breath "this is harder than I thought it would be. And Clay...well I can tell, he's not happy. Mainly about you being here but some other stuff as well. You know he's convinced there's something going on, between us"

_Hmmm _Alex sighs "That would explain the interrogation I just received earlier" he smiles as she frowns at him "Oh no not Clay, don't worry, it was his cowboy pal. He was asking a lot of questions about how we knew each other"

"And what did you tell him? About us I mean"

" I told him the truth. That there's was nothing going on. That you're my friend. That we've been friends for a long time, that we grew up together, and that's how it is"

She sighs looking around, wiping the tears from her face as Alex sits himself on the bench next to her. She hushes her voice "You didn't mention about before, the past, when you were married?"

"No! God no!" he laughs "It's none of their damn business. Look Kelsey what happened between me and you before, it's no one's business. That's between me and you. So,don't worry about it. It's nothing to do with you and Clay now, so there's no reason he needs to know, right? Like you've said before we put that to bed..." he laughs " ...pardon the pun, a long time ago. So, what according to Clay you can't have any male friends?"

"No, he'll be fine. Oh Alex...this week, well it's just been a roller coaster. You know, with having him so suddenly. Hell, Clay didn't even know about the baby, now all this. It's a lot to cope with. It's a lot for both of us to take in. It's all a big shock if I'm honest"

"Hey c'mon, you're doing great, and as for Clay..." he sighs looking over this shoulder watching Clay staring at them "Well, I guess we'll just have to win him round, right?"   
  
He smiles brushing her hair from her face "I'll be on my best behaviour, I promise. just for you" He smiles as she frowns "I will! I swear. Even if the Texan is pushing for a fight. You have a beautiful baby Kelsey, so just enjoy him. All that other stuff, well don't worry. Anyway, I gotta say I'm grateful that you stupidly got on that flight to come here. And that I didn't have chance to talk you out of it"

"You are ?" she frowns "Why's that?"

"Cos..." he laughs, drinking his beer. "It might be me suffering the sleepless nights if you'd stayed in the UK, and me the one with baby puke on me. A least this way I get to enjoy him without any of that"

She laughs "You are so stupid."

"Come here" he puts his arm around her as they sit watching Casey continue to feed. Alex strokes his cheek as she leans her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes, resting.   
  
She sighs "I missed you. I missed this. Talking, laughing. It's been pretty crazy. I mean one minute I'm at the airport, next in a bar toilet giving birth. It's enough to send anyone mad."

"Yeah pretty standard for you though, crazy stuff I mean!" he laughs, and she bursts into tears "That was a joke!" He kisses the top of her head.

"I know. God why am I so emotional." She sighs. "Alex... you won't say anything though. I mean you won't let slip about what went on, in the past. Even if Clay pushes you"

"No! No, I promise. Scouts honour! I won't mention it, ever. Not if you don't want me to"

"I don't. Like you said that has nothing to do with now" she sighs "I'm glad you're here Alex, I missed you "

"Wow! Kelsey Roberts missed me, there is a god! Remind me to write that down for the next time we're arguing" He laughs "Anyway, all joking aside. I missed you too. Now come here". he pulls her in tight beside him

Casey finishes feed and she covers her herself. Pulling her bra and her shirt back into place "Well he doesn't seem like he wants to feed anymore" she rubs her hand gently across her chest. _Mmmm_ she groans.

"You okay?"

_Mmmm hmmm_ "Yeah, I...I just have a bit of pain. I think it's normal until things settle down. Well I guess it is. But something I do know, I am starving hungry. Shall we get some food, or are you just filling up on beer? Cos if you are, then you need to watch it with the jet lag"

"Hey, I have jet lag sussed so don't worry about me. You want some..." he holds the bottle towards her "There's only a mouthful left"

"No! No, I better not" she looks up checking on Clay over the other side of the park "I'm not supposed to, not while ... you know, feeding him"

"Oh, go on it's just a mouthful. He's just fed, doubt he'll even notice it. Go on! Be the rebel I know you are" he smiles

"Rebel? Maybe I used to be. I'm a mother now, I have responsibilities " she smiles, frowning as she looks at the temptation of the beer bottle "Oh okay." She smiles "What the hell, but be quick, before Clay sees, oh and Alex, not a word! I've already got coffee on my banned substances list. He'll do his nut about beer"

"I'm sure a mouthful of beer is not going to tip you over the edge "

She smiles. Putting the bottle to her lips she drinks what's left, which he's right is not much "Oh my god! Oh you know, I'd forgotten how good beer tastes" She grins. Looking at Alex, sat in the sunlight, his glasses on and she smiles thinking how good it is to see him again "It's been so long since I tasted it, I forgot I liked it."   
  
She hands him the empty bottle back and then she fix's her shirt. Pulling it together and doing the top buttons up. _Ssssssss!_ She takes a grimacing breath.

"You okay?" Alex frowns. He can see the look of pain on her face "Kelsey you would tell me if you've got a problem? Even from a medical point of view. Perhaps I can help?"

"It's nothing. I'm just a bit sore. I told you" she looks anxiously at him, and he frowns at her "Okay...it's this side more. It actually really hurts. It's really hard and painful."

"Probably, too much milk. Perhaps you need express some. relieve the pressure"

"Oh, listen to you Mr expert" she laughs dismissing his comment "You might have been a medic but what the hell do you know about breastfeeding? It's not exactly frontline stuff."

"Hey, it was in that booklet, from that class we went to at the hospital. Oh, I'll bet you didn't even bother to read it, did you?"

"No" she frowns "No not exactly. If It had told me it was going to be like this, every three hours I wouldn't have done it all!"

"See, you should read things, more carefully. Standard military planning gather all the intel you need " He laughs "Look, we'll look up some advice, when you get back but for now let's get you some food. You're hungry and you need to eat. And if we can't sort the other problem then we'll get you a doctor's appointment, and get it checked."

"Oh, I'll be fine don't worry"

"Thing is I do worry. Kelsey you know I love and care about you, I always will. So, worrying about you is part of my job"

She smiles, kissing his cheek "Yeah I get you. C'mon, you'll make me cry again, let's get some food"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

"You good?" Clay frowns watching them as they re-join the group " I was gonna come over, but I didn't wanna interrupt the reunion between you and _Mr perfect_ "

"Clay don't!" She sighs. "Look, I'm just gonna put him in the car seat. He's asleep now he's fed. And talking of food, I could do with some, I'm starving." she looks at him, he's still staring at Alex "Clay!.. Clay, come here"   
  
She leans forward kissing him, he wraps his arm around her waist and as they continue to kiss, their tongues wrapping around each other. He pulls back frowning, looking her in the face "Have you been drinking beer? "

"What?" She frowns " Um...no. Well... just a tiny bit. I finished a mouthful that Alex had left in his bottle. It was literally a mouthful, if that"

"Kelsey!!" he frowns "Oh my god, do you know how bad that is. I mean if anyone saw you."

"Clay calm down. You're overreacting. I'm sure one mouthful of beer isn't going to hurt either of us"

"Yeah but what if someone had seen? They wouldn't know it was just a mouthful would they. That would have looked really bad"

"Clay chill out, please! No one saw me, and like I said it was _just _a mouthful. It wasn't even that, it was just a taste" She sighs "Okay, perhaps you're right, it was a bit stupid but... " she frowns watching the look on his face, how anxious he is about it "Clay, I'm sorry I didn't realise it would upset you so much."

"I know, I'm sorry. It's just... I don't want people to think we're not good parents. That we're not doing our best"

"Clay..." She smiles stroking his face "no one's ever gonna think you're not doing your best. You're not Ash and honestly, no one's comparing you." She kisses him "Clay, you're a wonderful dad, he couldn't ask for better. You just need to relax a little, enjoy him." She sighs "Look I'm hungry. Just watch him a minute. Hey Sonny..." She calls over ".. you got one of those burgers ready?"

Alex is behind her at the barbecue, leaning over her shoulder, Mandy behind him "Hey wait your turn" she nudges her elbow into him, playfully pushing him away "Alex, it's ladies first" she laughs "only because I'm so hungry!"

"So, hey Sonny.. . " Alex takes a big sniff of the air "this barbecue smells good. Can't wait to try one of those steaks."

"Yeah nothin a Texan can't cook on a barbecue. It's what we do better than anyone else!"

"Oh, do you? Well um... do you do vegan?" Alex frowns

"What?" Sonny looks at him from across the smoking barbecue grill "Do I do vegan?" he frowns unsure what he means " I told you there's nothin Sonny Quinn can't barbecue, I am what you call a barbecue master"

"Oh really, so.... " Alex smiles teasingly " so you can grill vegan rump steaks then?"

"What? Yeah sure. I mean yeah.." _What the hell are vegan rump steaks?_ Sonny frowns "It don't matter what it is, you bring em I can barbecue em"

"I'll have to try some next time"

Sonny's frowning, confused he looks at Clay and Kelsey "What the hell are these vegan _rump steaks_ ? I never heard of em. They some kinda Brit food"

"A what?" Kelsey frowns confused "Vegan, _rump _steak? No. No, Sonny vegan is not meat it's....." as the words the words come out of her mouth she sighs. Smiling she looks up at Alex "Was that you? Did you ask him for vegan? Seriously!" She frowns shaking her head annoyed.

He shrugs, a huge cheesy grin filling his face "Sorry couldn't resist. Too easy"

Sonny now realising that Alex is teasing him, takes offense "Hey you always such an asshat cos you know I don't find it funny. I'll have you know I take my barbecue very serious."

"Okay... okay it was a joke!" Alex smiles at him. Clay also gives him a disapproving look. Alex can't help but laugh and then he turns his attention back to Mandy.

"Such an arrogant asshole!" Clay sighs "I just hope he's not staying too long"

"Hey Clay, just ignore him. He just likes the attention. Don't give it to him. He'll be gone soon enough; we'll make sure of it. Anyways remember, you're the one here, with the baby and her, right? Not him. He's the outsider. He got nothin now. In the meantime, just bide your time and ignore him"

Conversations all suddenly stop and hands reach into pockets for cell phones as there a sudden chorus of bleeping sounds. 

_**Bleep** Bleep** Bleep ** Bleep _

_Shit! _Sonny sighs as he checks his "Looks like we gotta go!"

Eric gathers everyone around "Okay get yourselves together guys. Just got word from base. The intel says the situation is hotting up and we need to roll out early"

Before Eric even addresses them Mandy's already gathered her belongings, and on the phone she waves her goodbyes. As she heads off she looks at Alex and smiles, gesturing with her hand for him to call her.

Kelsey looks up watching Clay as he holds his phone in his hand. He's staring at the screen. She bites her lip, placing her hand on his "You gotta go?"

"Yeah I...." He sighs. Frowning as he thinks "Look, I don't have to. I mean, I can tell Jason that you need me to stay. I can stand down."

She hesitates before answering, thinking about what she wants him to do "No. No, you should go. I mean this was gonna happen at some point, right? So, we may as well get over with."

He bites his lip looking at her , looking down at Casey in his car seat he's so torn. He enjoyed training yesterday, prepping for the mission and him not going, it is going to leave them a sniper short, but then leaving Casey behind, it's going to be a hard thing to do "I really don't have to. I mean I can stay. If that's what you want."

"Hey, you're ready to go. You did the training, yeah? We knew it was gonna happen at some point this week. It's just sooner than we thought. Come on. You need to do this. It's your job"  
  
Jason's beside them now "You okay?" he frowns "Somethin' wrong? "

"No, no I guess not. I'm just... you know, I'm not sure about going. I mean, they need me here"

"You don't wanna go? You wanna stand down? I'm fine with it, if that's what you want. Just say the word"

"No!" Kelsey interrupts kissing his lips gently "You should go. I'll be fine. Really Clay, we'll be okay. And besides, Alex is here so it's not like I'll be totally on my own. He can help out. He won't mind"

"You know..." Clay sighs, the thought of Alex being with them makes him wobble " maybe I should just stay this time. I mean, we've only had him a few days, perhaps it would be for the best"

Jason shrugs "Up to you man. Your call. I got no problem if you wanna stay, but you need to decide fast cos we're getting ready to roll out right now." He smiles at them both. He can see the conflict "Look I'll give you a minute alone. Let me know what you decide. I mean I want ya there, but I totally get it if you don't want to. Clay I get it I do. No hard feelings. It's priorities right. Welcome to the hard part of being a dad, Clay"

Kelsey smiles wrapping her hands around Clay's waist leaning her head against his chest. Listening to the sound of his heart thumping hard inside "Clay, you should go. Really, we'll be fine. You probably won't be gone long. It will fly past"

"Oh god!" He sighs a long deep breath "I don't know if I can. I mean... I .. it's so hard. Leaving him. Leaving you both, like this"

"Hey, I'm gonna miss you too. and so is he. But we'll be here waiting. When you get back" She stops the tear on her cheek, quickly wiping it away "Go do your work." she sighs "But Clay.... please be careful. We need you to come back" Her lip quivers and now she can't stop crying the thought of him going makes her throat dry and a pain in her chest "Please... just go. It's what you do, right. We can't change that. So, it's something we have to learn to live with."

His eyes to fill with tears as he holds her tight against him "Okay!" he nods, the knot in his throat hurts "Okay I'll...I'll go. You be good, alright" he smiles, brushing her hair from her face "Get some rest, and Kelsey... I'm sorry about earlier. I don't mean to be so anxious all the time. I just... I just want the best for him"

"I know..." she kisses him "I know you do. And you're giving him the best." She lifts Casey from his travel seat and hands him to Clay

"Hey little man!" he cuddles him tight to his chest. His arms wrapped around his tiny body and now he feels like he's going to cry. He takes a deep breath, kissing his head "Daddy's gonna miss you so much. But I'm only gonna be gone a few days. Then I'll be back for cuddles. I promise." He wipes a tear off his cheek handing him back to Kelsey "Here take him. I need to go!"

Kelsey cries openly now "Sorry....sorry, I don't mean to." _Pheww _She takes long deep breaths her throat aches "Oh god this is hard, right?"

_Mmmm hmmm_ Clay can't speak for fear of crying and he pulls Kelsey toward him, holding them both against him. "I'm gonna miss you both so much!"

Sonny's at his shoulder "Hey Blondie, you ready to roll" he acts as naturally as he can, but seeing how hard Clay's taking it, he can feel the emotions churning inside "C'mon I need a ride!"

_Mmmm hmmm!_ Clay nods "I love you both. So much. I'll see you when I get back"

Alex is over he wraps his arms over Kelsey's shoulders as she continues to cry. "I'll keep an eye on them for you. Everything will be alright. You know I'm a little jealous." he smiles trying to lighten the mood and get a little more on Clay's side "You getting to go off, me having to say with the wives and kids, something I'm not used to. Clay look, I know we didn't get off on the right footing but...it is good to meet you." he puts his hand out and reluctantly Clay exchanges greeting.   
  
He doesn't feel at all good about leaving Kelsey, not with him here, but he's really got no choice and even he admits it's good that she has someone here for her. "You gonna be okay getting back? I mean I'll be taking the truck. You need me to get you a cab?"

"No. No, I'll be fine" She smiles, wiping her tears. She takes a breath trying to stay strong and not get upset in front of Clay before he goes. "Just leave me the car seat and bag, Alex has a hire car I'm sure he can drop us back"

"Yeah! Of course, it's not a problem. Anything I can do to help. Hell, it's not like I have anything else to do is it" he laughs

"Okay then." Clay frowns, kissing her on the cheek, he then walks away. She takes a breath and leaving Casey in the travel seat with Alex she runs after him.   
  
"Clay!!" she calls out. Standing in front of him, stroking his cheek, tears rolling down her face "I'm gonna miss you so much!" 

"Hey.. " he smiles stroking her hair "..it's gonna be fine. I'll be back before you know it!" he leans in, holding her chin and he kisses her long and deep.

"Yeah, yeah I know" Her hand resting against his chest, she smiles. Then biting her bottom lip teasingly "You know when you get back we could um....maybe find some ways to.... to you know. Release some of your _pressure_, that tension you were feeling" she smiles.  
  
_Mmmm_! "Now that" he grins " sounds worth coming home for" He kisses her again "Some Mommy and Daddy time would be very nice indeed."

"Yeah we'll see." she smiles "Just take care. I'll see you soon"

As she watches him walk away, he doesn't look back again. She finally caves in and starts crying openly. She sobs uncontrollably into her hand as Alex brings Casey over to where she's standing. He turns her around, pulling her close he comforts her, as she continues to cry into his chest   
  
"Hey Shhh! C'mon, it's gonna be okay. Kelsey, he'll be back before you know it" He lets out a long sigh "You're tired. Let's just get you both home"


	24. I'm glad you're here

_Pheww!_ Kelsey sighs as she unlocks the door, entering the quiet still of Clay's apartment.   
  
"Oh thank god that's over " There's a sigh of tired relief as she drops to sit down on the couch. "Thank you for helping Naima clear up, I don't think I had the energy to help any longer. I'm just glad you were there" She rubs her head the feeling of tiredness giving her a headache. _Arrrghh!_ "You know, I'm knackered. I feel like I've been run over by a bus, I'm that tired!"

"Hey c'mon, take these shoes off and then I tell you what..." Alex carries the still sleeping Casey inside, setting the car seat down on the floor by her feet. "..why don't I run you a bath and then you can take a nice long soak. I'll keep an eye on his lordship while you do"

"No, Alex l can't ask you to do that, you've done enough for today. I'm sure you're tired as well, after your flight. Look why don't you go to the hotel and get some sleep. You need to rest as well."

"Sleep? No, I'm fine. Look I'm used to lack of sleep after a flight. I'm trained for it " he smiles "Don't worry about me, I'm a Commando remember, we're built tough" He flexes his muscles making her laugh as he kisses her on the head.

"You know, I thought I was, tough but now... after having him. I'm not so sure. But I guess I'm just over reacting"

"Hey, shut up being so hard on yourself. I'm not the one who's just given birth to a seven pound, eating and pooping machine. My medical advice, for what it's worth, go have a bath and relax. I'll make us some coffee"

"Thanks" She smiles, kissing him on the cheek. As she gets to the bedroom doorway Casey stirs and as he wakes he immediately starts to cry. _Ohhh!_ she sighs. "Well there goes my quiet bath. Someone will be hungry again"   
  
Her face drops, and the exhaustion of the long afternoon overwhelms making her cry. _Shit!_ "Sorry" She quickly wipes the tears from her face, taking a deep breath in she gathers her energy "Guess I better feed him first before I have a bath or he won't settle" She checks the time on her phone. _Three hours, he's like clockwork! _She smiles, also noticing there's a message on her phone from Clay. _  
  
Missing you both already. See you very soon. x_

"Look Alex, I'll feed him" She sits down. Lifting Casey from the car seat she unbuttons her blouse " So, if you wanna get off, you can. I'll be fine on my own."

"I'll make you coffee" Alex leans himself over the back of the couch, stroking her hair, he smiles watching as she puts the baby against her chest "Look Kelsey, why don't I stay overnight. I could keep you company while Clay's gone. So, you don't have to be on your own. I mean, I can sleep right here on the sofa"   
  
He smiles as she turns around to look at him "Oh, I don't know about that. I'm not sure it's a good idea. I mean..." she laughs "this sofa's not that comfortable"

"Look, I've slept in worse places and this is to help you. I promise..." he smiles "I won't snore!"

_Hmm!_ She smiles "Well actually it would be nice, I don't mean you snoring but to have some company. Are you sure you don't mind? I thought you had a nice hotel booked." 

"Of course, I don't mind and it means I get to spend more time with you and him, so why would that be a problem?"

  
Wiping the tear from her cheeks she smiles as she undoes another button on her shirt to make herself more comfortable. Then un-clipping her bra, she settles back into the couch pillows to feed Casey. 

"If you look, I think there are some beers in the fridge, if you want one. I mean, if you are going to stay" she smiles " But can you still make me a coffee, please?"

"Of course, I'll stay!" he kisses her cheek "Look, I'll go down grab your suitcase and my overnight bag, out of the car. Then how about I make us something to eat, some pasta maybe? It's been a while since you had that burger and you need to eat properly"

"Alex..." She grabs his hand as he massages her shoulder "Thanks....for everything today. I appreciate you putting yourself out to come here for me"

"Shut up! You'll make me cry" he laughs "Now, just get on and feed him. Make the most of the time to relax. I'll be back in five minutes"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Hey" she smiles. She's just had a bath and is wrapped in the large pink towel, her wet hair pinned on top of her head, while she stands quietly in the bedroom doorway. "Alex.." she frowns "What the hell are you doing?" She watches as he sits in front of the TV, his foot pumping up and down, he's rocking the baby seat on the floor.

"Oh, I um... I worked out if I stop, he wakes up and cries, so I have to keep doing it" He smiles seeing her frowning at him "It's good exercise" He laughs "So... how're you feeling? Better after that bath?"

"Yeah, yeah it was nice. Peaceful. Thanks for, keeping an eye on him. Hopefully he didn't play up too much?"

"No, he's been great. Look at him, I love watching him sleep. Watch his little chin, it's like he's dreaming. You know, when you look at him asleep like that, you can see how much he looks like Clay"

"Yeah, yeah he does, though I think he's a lot like Ash, Clay's dad. But don't tell Clay I said that.." she smiles "cos they don't really get on. So, I don't think he'd appreciate it"

"Ash? Do you mean Ash Spenser? Isn't he the seal that wrote the book. He's Clay's dad?"

_Mmmm hmm_ "Yeah but don't mention that either, it's a bit of contentious issue around here" She laughs "I think I heard he's writing another one, so god knows what will be in that! Look, I'm just gonna get my dressing gown and take this wet towel off."   
  
She heads back into the bedroom taking a minute, sitting down on the bed. She lets out a long-tired sigh and lays back against the quilt, closing her eyes.   
  
_Awww!_ She grimaces. In pain again she gently runs her hand over her breast. It's so tender, sore and not helped by the fact the fabric of the towel rubs on it.

"Are you okay?" Alex frowns, watching her as he leans on against the door frame, holding Casey who's still fast asleep, tucked securely against his chest "I thought I'd lay him down in his cot. Do you want me to or if you want some quiet? I can keep him through here with me, it's not a problem"

"No. No, he's fine, better to lay him down" she sits up "You want me to take him ?"

"No, I got this!" He gently lays him on his side in the crib, tucking the blanket loosely over his body. He smiles watching him sleep. Then turning around to look at Kelsey he notices her still rubbing her hand on her chest " Are you sure you're okay?" he frowns "You're in a lot of pain there, I noticed earlier, when you're feeding him now, you're avoiding that side aren't you?"

"It's nothing." She frowns "I'm sure it will sort itself out. But yeah, yeah I've gotta admit, it does hurt"

He settles Casey and then sits down on the bed next to her "You know, I texted a friend of mine earlier. He's doctor, works on Maternity at the Royal. I asked his advice, about your..._ issue_. He sent me a link to a website with some information. Said he couldn't be sure without seeing you but there's a few things it could be, but he did tell me what to look for and a few suggestions. Kelsey, do you want me to have a look for you?"

"Oh what, um... " She frowns "..I'm not sure, I mean I don't know if you should. It would be a bit weird, right? More for you, I mean" She holds the towel against her, staring him in the eyes. She feels slightly awkward and she hesitates while trying to decide what to do. She trusts Alex, he does have a medical background she reminds herself and I would be good to know if there was something wrong.

"C'mon, just let me just check. See if we can sort out what's wrong and start to ease the symptoms, right? I don't like to see you in pain. Alternatively, we could get you checked out by a doctor here tomorrow. It's up to you"

"Okay!" She nervously takes a breath "Yeah why not. No need to be prudish right, I mean it's not like you've not seen them before. " she smiles "Just it feels a little weird... I don't know" She laughs.

"Trust me" he smiles, reassuring her " this is purely medical. And you know what, to make the experience more real, I even won't warm my hands, on purpose!"

"Alex!" she laughs "God you're so stupid! Come on then, get on with it. And if you're just kidding me to have a grope of my boob and you don't really know anything then I am gonna kill you, just know that!"   
  
She takes a deep breath and sits up. Then closing her eyes tight shut, she lowers the towel on that side. Alex smiles reassuringly, looking at her face as she blinks her eyes open and then closes them again. He softly and gently puts his hand to her breast, applying a gentle pressure, he feels all around the surface.   
  
_Awww!_ She flinches in pain, opening her eyes and frowns at him.  
  
"That hurts there?" he questions

_Umm hmmm_ "Yeah!" She closes her eyes again as he continues to feel with a little more pressure this time_. Ouch!_ She grimaces "I just told you that hurts."

"Okay!" he covers her over with the towel, and looks at his phone "Well, I don't think you have an infection but there's possibly a blockage, which is what Tim said he thought. So, there are a few things on here we can try to relieve it. You wanna read, see what you want to try first?"   
  
He hands her his phone and she does a quick scan read, then leans back " I'll read it all in a minute. It just really hurts" She puts her hand to it and sits up, crying

"Look, it says to express some milk, take the pressure off. So why don't you try that first then you can take a break overnight. Get on top of it and the soreness."

_Mmmm hmm_ "Yeah maybe. Oh, I don't know what to do. Alex, everything hurts I didn't think I was supposed to be like this" She leans her head on his shoulder crying.   
  
"Hey c'mon..." He wraps his hand around the back of her head and comforts her ".. it's just hormones, it's all gonna be fine. A few days and things will settle down. You can't keep being so hard on yourself. You've been through an ordeal this week and you need to take it slowly"

"I know. I guess I'm just tired. I'll be fine. Thank you" she smiles at him, stroking his cheek "The voice of reason as always"

"Look I'll stay here, keep an eye on him. You go do what you need to ... you know. And then you can get some sleep. Do you know when you're expecting Clay back?"

"No. No, it's not something you can know; it's not really liked our jobs. It could be a day, a few days, even longer. You just sit here and don't really know anything. I mean I'm sure they could get a message to him, if I needed to but... nothing else not until he comes back through that door".

"Things will seem better when he gets back." he kisses the top of her head again "Until then I'll stay here, keep you company or ... annoy you." he laughs "Depends how I'm feeling"

"Thanks. Alex... thanks for everything. Just being here is helping. You've been great " She smiles. "Right, I guess I'm gonna go sort _this _problem out. So, just shout if you need me or if he wakes up"

"We'll be fine, won't we little man" They both smile, staring into the crib watching Casey sleeping. Alex, looks up at her and then takes hold of her hand, stroking his other hand against her cheek "You're gonna be fine. You'll see. Soon this will all come easy and you'll wonder why you were getting so upset"

**o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Right..." she sighs "..so I put the bottles of milk in the fridge for the....morn..ing!" she stops talking, smiling as she looks at Alex, who's fallen asleep on the edge of the bed next to Casey. Then coming around to the side of the crib, she gently strokes the sleeping baby's face with her finger before turning around to look at the sound asleep Alex. "So much for Mr _Jet lag doesn't affect me! _" She laughs quietly to herself. Gently lifting the quilt, she pulls it up over him. Kissing his cheek as she whispers "I'm so glad you're here"

Then she sighs, tired she takes one one of Clay's tee shirts from the closet, pulling it on before she climbs, exhausted, into the other side of the bed. Laying down she closes her eyes as the tiredness overwhelms her and it's not long before, she too, is sound asleep.

**o-o-o-o-o-o**

She wakes with a start. The warmth of the sun coming in through the window. Sitting up she notices as she leans over checking the crib that Casey's gone.

_Shit!_ She takes a breath, rubbing her head as she tries to focus. Wondering what the time is she grabs her phone from the bedside table and checks. _Six am. Shit! _

Wondering what happened she gets up and staggers to the living room still rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Then the sudden panic subsides as she sees Alex, his eyes closed, sitting on the couch holding a sleeping Casey in his arms.   
  
There's an almost empty bottle of milk standing on the table in front of him. She frowns, stroking the back of his neck "Hey, you okay?" she whispers in his ear, waking him up "What's been going on?"

He's only dozing and he opens his eyes "Oh hey" he turns his head smiling at her "Look, Casey your sleepy head Mummy is finally awake. Someone was hungry, so we got up"

" Did he um... did he sleep through till now? " she frowns "Cos, I never heard him wake"

"No, no he woke about three am, I think it was. So, I got him up and fed him one of those bottles from the fridge you put in there last night. Don't worry, I warmed it first, right?"

"Yeah right!" she smiles "You know, you should have woken me. I can't believe I didn't hear you"

"That's cos you were tired. It's fine we managed, boys together, didn't we little man. Anyway, you needed the sleep more than me. Here..." he hands the sleeping baby bundle to her "..you take over, because I need to pee and then I'll make us some coffee."

"Did he take that, the bottle I mean, was he alright with it? He hasn't had one before so I didn't know how he would take it "

"Yeah, he's been fine. Oh, maybe he was a little reluctant at first, but once he realised there wasn't an alternative then he got on with it. And then he drank it all. You might want to do some more for later. Then I can do a few more. Give you a rest!"

"Um.. yeah, yeah I guess so. Though perhaps I should go back to...to natural, I don't want him to get too hooked on those. Not that I'm not grateful for a few extra hours sleep. Can't believe how much better I feel, with just a couple of more a hours!"

"Hey, he'll be fine with it. You just need to stop pushing yourself. " he smiles "So, what do you want to do today or do you think Clay will be back?"

"Um... no, no I doubt it. Not today I wouldn't think. If he is it will be late. Well there was... the baby exercise class, I wanted to go to. I know don't tell me it's stupid but... you wanna come?" she frowns "I don't mean to the class, not that a group of new mums wouldn't like you there" she laughs "But they have proper gym there. You could go work out, while I take him. Then we could grab some lunch. Unless you have other plans?"

"Nope, I'm all yours while I'm here, and anyway why would I think the class was stupid? It's good for you to get out, and little gentle exercise might make you feel better" He gently kisses the top of her head as she sits "Right bathroom and then I'll put that coffee on. Then I'm gonna grab a shower, if that's okay?"

"Yeah, yeah of course it is. Sorry, I guess all this it isn't very exciting for you, hanging out me with a baby strapped to me"

"Actually, it's the opposite. It's nice to just slow down and relax for a few days and anyway I like being with you and I like him too. He's great, this is great. So, I don't wanna do anything else. I came to see you and that what I'm doing"   
"Listen Kelsey.." He smiles at her " I've been thinking while I sat there, what about if I stay for the two weeks and then when I go back, you could come with me. I mean to see your CO and sort your flat out. I can help you on the plane, through customs, the airport all that, with him and all his stuff. Save you struggling on your own"

"Really?" she frowns "Well I hadn't thought about when I was gonna go yet but, yeah, yeah I guess I could think about doing that. I mean it would be good to have some help. But only one problem, I have to get a passport for him. It's more complicated because technically he's an American citizen and so I have to get a US passport. Which is kinda easier if Clay does it, him also being a US citizen, and I think you need a witness. "

"So, what's the problem? When he gets back you can get him to sort it"

"Yeah, well... I'm not so sure that he's gonna think that's such a great idea" she sighs

"Why?"

"Oh, I don't know, just... this whole Navy thing, me going back. It's got him spooked" She sighs "He won't even really discuss it. Though I am starting to wonder if he's right. I mean really Alex, how the hell can I go back, practically. Look at now, who would look after him if Clay gets spun up and I'm deployed?" _Hmmm_ "How would that work?"

"Well, from what I know, from my unit, that's where your family plan comes into play. Like anything else, you work out and plan for it. Kelsey, people make it work all the time. I'm not saying it will be easy...just it's not impossible, _if _you _both_ want it enough. So, what you're saying you've changed your mind, that you don't think you want to go back?"

"No, no I'm not saying that just...just it's not that simple. Having him here now, I can see how much harder it's gonna be. Sure, I do think I want to go back. Is that wrong? " she frowns questioning him "But I can't fool myself either, about how tough it's gonna be. I don't mean only getting him taken care of but... to leave him behind. I mean look how tough it was with Clay going yesterday. I could be gone weeks. I'm not sure if I can do that"

"Look, take one step at time. Go see your CO and work out a time frame and then, take it from there. A couple of weeks, a month and you might feel differently. It's still early days" he sighs, stroking her hair trying to reassure her " I've got guys in four two, who's wives are military as well and they make it work."

"Yeah but they're not seals are they. I bet they don't just get snatched away in quite the same way as Clay does with no notice. I mean Ray and Naima do it but she's here all the time."

"No .. no, I will say Clay's job, that does make it slightly more difficult, granted. But if you want it, then maybe he's gonna have to compromise. Maybe he'll have to be part of the solution"

"What? You mean give up being in BRAVO?" she frowns "Oh, you don't know Clay then, being a seal is all he's ever wanted, and I'm not sure I could ask him to give it up, what just so I can go back to my job"

"Well, maybe his priorities will different, now that he has a child"

"You think I should go back don't you?"

"I'm not saying either way" He shrugs " And not that it matters what I think but you should do what you want to do. Like you always have. Kelsey when have you ever let something stop you doing what you want? You just need to find a compromise that's all"

"Listen to you, Mr Practical with all the advice" she smiles "Brains as well as beauty, hey" _Oww!_ She puts her hand to her chest, rubbing the sudden aching pain.

"Right well before all that, first you've got to sort that problem. Try some of those things on that website today, see if you can improve things. When you feel better with that, then you'll be able to think more clearly. Now ....I _really_ need to pee! he laughs

"So, you've been with Uncle Alex have you?" She smiles looking at Casey as he opens his eyes "Has he been behaving. You tell me if he's being naughty" she sighs relaxing back into the soft pillows on the couch. The extra sleep has made her feel so much better.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

Jason frowns, closing his eyes then opening them almost immediately ashe hears Clay sighing again "Hey Golden Boy, what the hell's the matter with you?" He sits up and looks at Clay on the opposite side of the plane to him "You okay there?"

"Yeah... yeah I'm just tired. If I'm honest I can't wait to get back. I'm missing Casey already, I didn't realize how hard it was gonna be. Really tugs at the heart strings, right?"

Ray and Jason both sigh and nod. "Yep welcome to the hard part of being a parent, doing this job. Leaving them behind and it don't get any easier, but you'll find ways to deal with it. We all do!" Ray smiles

"Yeah thanks, I hope so. Cos that was tough"

"Hey, remember the worse times are when they' re talking and they ask you not to go! Oh, Brother is that a killer"

"Oh yeah. Man..." Jason frowns "...that first time Emma said _Daddy don' t go! _ Got me right there. 'Course there's times when they older, and they don't care about you going" he laughs "That's just as hard."

"Wow! With me it's ... I just I don't wanna miss anything. You know his first steps, his words... his first day at school. I don't think I could bear not to be there for those things"

"Well there's always gonna be something that you'll miss but that's life, not necessarily this job. Hey Clay, you're gonna be fine. I can see already, you got this!"

"I hope so. I just don't wanna end up like Ash. Casey not having a relationship with me, not wanting to be around me because I wasn't there when he was growing up. I don't wanna repeat Ash's mistakes"

"You know maybe Clay; this might be a time to lay that to rest with your old man. Put yourself in his shoes, cut him a bit of slack. I mean now you can see how hard he had it. Trying to be a single dad, to a small child, that's a tough ask"

"Yeah... yeah I guess. I'm not sure I can imagine it but then I can't imagine not being with him either. I mean if it came to a choice"

"Yeah tough choice. So, you um .. you think Kelsey will go back to work, to the Navy I mean. It seems like it was still in her head, the way she was talking at the barbecue"

"I don't know. I was hoping if I ignored it and didn't talk about it that, now he's here, she'd forget about it but... I don't know if she has. But then realistically on the practical side...how the hell can she? It's gonna be impossible. I mean on that carrier she's deployed for like three months at time, if not longer. How the hell can we make that work with this? I don't think she's thought it through yet."

"Well you know maybe if you talk to her, she could compromise. Maybe take a different job, something that would work.Something where she didn't have to be away. I mean if she really wants it she might have to give a little."

"Get her to compromise, so I can keep this job? Yeah, she's gonna love that." He laughs "She worked hard to get where she is, it's been her life. I can't imagine if she asked me to give this up. I mean, how would I do that?"

"Well the other way is maybe if you encourage her to look into, then maybe she might make up her own mind, that it's not practical. Better the decision comes from her, she's more likely to accept it rather than you forcing her hand"

Clay smiles "Like a little reverse psychology, you mean?"

"Well I'm not saying that, but... hey if it works right" Jason smiles, handing him a bottle of water from the cooler. "Look, you have to do what works for you but you know we're all right here for you one hundred percent. Whatever you need us to do, just ask."

"Yeah thanks. Now if you can just tell me how to get rid of some smart mouthed, arrogant cake eater, without getting physical.." He laughs "..then I'm all ears"

"What that guy Alex? Oh, he'll be gone soon. Hell there's nothing for him here now. He'll take off back to the UK, tail between his legs soon enough. If not then.... we'll get Mandy to have him rendition-ed!" he laughs, checking the time on his watch "Right, now shut the hell up. Get your head down for a bit. We're gonna be taking off soon. Get yourself some sleep for the flight, make the most of it"

_ **Are you all out there still reading? It's gone quiet so just checking. More coming soon if you want it? ** _


	25. What's going on here?

The affectionate smile on her face is evident as she gently lays Casey down to sleep in his crib. Softly stroking his cheek, there's a look of love on her face that only a mother could give as she protectively watches over him.   
  
It gives Alex a warm feeling and he smiles, as he stands where he is in the bedroom doorway watching her. "You want some toast? I'm just making some"  
  
"Yeah okay" she quietly answers, tucking the light cotton sheet over her baby's tiny body. He's sleeping soundly clean and changed after feeding well. She leans in, kissing his head and then sighing. Even after the extra sleep she still feels exhausted and she follows Alex through to the small kitchen area.   
  
Grinning, as she watches him. Not realizing that her eyes are locked staring at him while he busily prepares the bread in the machine. Having just showered, he's naked except for the small white towel tied around his hips. His very toned and golden colored body being shown to its very best effect.  
  
"You know you should get dressed" she smiles. Now averting her eyes she acknowledges that her gaze has lingered more than intended. She turns behind her, pouring some coffee from the jug on the machine into her cup. Then, turning back, her eyes once again divert straight to his chest muscles. She has to consciously force herself to look up, making her eyes focus on his face. His eyes are staring back at her in return as he leans his butt against the countertop, stuffing the toasted bread, somewhat seductively, into his mouth. Her noticing the butter on his lips as he licks it.  
  
"Have you been working out more lately?" she frowns questioning him "You're um.. looking overly buff there. What's going on?" her own observation takes her by surprise, wondering why she felt any need to comment on the state of his body. "Oh..." she smiles teasingly "..are you seeing someone? Because if you are, you haven't mentioned it to me"

"No!... No, I'm not seeing anyone. But yeah, I have been working out a bit more. I just... I just wanted to keep my fitness up, that's all. Don't want to be seen as one of those instructors, who can't actually make the grade"

"What?" She leans her back against the kitchen cabinet, sipping her coffee as she looks at him puzzled "Instructor? What are you on about? Since when are you an instructor? And of what?"

"That's what the two-week course, I've been on, was for. Recruitment & training instructor"

"What?" she laughs "Wait, what? You're becoming an instructor? Alex..." The smiles quickly changing to a confused frown, her wondering if in the baby fog of the past few weeks she missed the mention of this or if for once his life he hadn't told her "So, what's this about? Are you thinking of quitting your command post? Alex... are you seriously thinking of giving up four two command? Why?"

"Maybe. I haven't decided yet, but yeah, maybe I'm ready to make a change."

"But....that's like as nine to five as the Marines gets. Why would you want to do that? Alex, I don't understand why would you wanna give it up now? I thought you loved all the action, all the unpredictability of your job. I mean you've never said anything to me before about giving it up."   
  
She sighs her brain trying to read his body language but he's not giving much away as he stands there continuing to munch on the buttered bread "So when did you think about doing this?" She takes a breath staring at him as he shrugs his shoulders. Once again her eyes are being drawn naturally to the toned muscles on his neck and chest. She sighs "Well if you've already done a course, then you must be serious. But I don't understand, what brought this on?"

"I don't know" he sighs, wiping his greasy hands on the cloth that lays on the countertop beside him "It's just something I've been thinking about, for a while now. I mean, I'm not getting any younger and having been with you, watching you have a baby. It brought home to me that if I'm ever gonna settle down, have a family, then maybe I need to change my priorities. I need to be more practical. I mean I'm never gonna find someone to start a family with if I keep having to fly off on long deployments, am I? And yeah sure, I'll miss the action but... do I really need all the worry, the injuries, the pressure and responsibility. Maybe I'd like to be more settled."

"Wow!" She gasps in surprise "You! You're thinking of settling down?" she puts her hand to her mouth as she laughs out loud "Sorry, but who the hell with? You are seeing someone aren't you? Alex, c'mon tell me" she frowns "Oh god Alex are you in _love_ with someone?"

"No.... No! And anyway, so what if I was, what would be so funny about it? I mean, we all need to be with someone right. If the past six months taught me something, then it's that I ... I think it's time I had a bit of... well _this._ You know a woman, a home... a kid. I mean, Casey, he's great, who wouldn't want that?"

_Hah!_ "Oh my god, don't tell me, Alex Morgan is getting broody?" she laughs mocking him. But then watching, the look on his face she can see he doesn't find it funny, he's serious. There's actually a hurt in his eyes at her mockery and she frowns apologetically "Okay, so you're serious. Oh, c'mon Alex stop messing, you'd want it for five minutes, then you'd be bored. I mean your attention span with women; it doesn't have a good track record in the past."

"Perhaps I just haven't been with the _right_ woman. But I can do marriage and I know now that I can definitely do kids"

"Oh yeah right!" she laughs, nearly spitting her coffee over the floor. "And look how marriage worked out. Three months and you couldn't keep it in your pants" she sighs as he looks at her

"Yeah well.." He snaps back in retaliation " we both know why that was don't we! Perhaps a bit of support instead of judging me on past regrets"

"Regrets? " she frowns "Okay!...Okay yeah you're right. Well if that's what you really think you want, then hey..." she smiles "of course you know I'll support you. If that's your decision. But just think about it, carefully. I mean being a command officer has been your want your whole life. Hell, you even gave up being a medic and you loved that. So, just don't rush your decision. Make sure it's for the right reasons. I mean any girl who loves you she isn't going to want you giving up what you love doing, for her."

"No, but maybe it would be the decision I'd make for her"

_Hmmm!_ She frowns still trying to work out the source behind this whole new direction in his life. She places her now, empty cup down on the worktop. As she moves position her hand gravitates to her chest, gently rubbing the sudden griping ache that even a small movement brings _Ow!_

"You alright? " he frowns concerned, seeing her face wince " Kelsey are you in more pain?"

_Mmmm_ "No, it's the same as before. Really. Don't worry I'm fine."

He steps forward towards her "But I do worry!" He then brushes her hair back off her shoulder and gently wraps his arms around her body, pulling her closer him, resting his chin on the top of her head "C'mon, forget about my career move. We need to sort you out"

She looks up, her eyes smiling at him while she studies the expression on his face. Her hand can't help but smooth slowly across his naked chest. She can feel the warmth of his body against hers. His heart beating hard as she wraps her arms around him and closing her eyes tight shut, she holds him.

_Mmmm! _He sniffs the scent of her hair, stroking his hand down the length of it "I've missed you so much"

"Yeah!" _Hmmm. This is nice_. She thinks to herself as she inhales the smell of his clean skin in her nostrils and the slow stroking comfort of his touch on her tired body. "Alex what's wrong?" He has a firm hold on her, making soft, quiet groaning sighs. She questions him, worried "This is not like you. What's going on?" she looks up from where her face is resting against his skin. Looking him in the eyes while stroking the back of her fingers on his cheek "All this self-reflection, what's brought it on?"

" Oh, I don't know." he sighs "I guess just seeing you here, with him. Look, I know this is gonna sound stupid, but I'm jealous." he laughs "Yeah really, I'm jealous of Clay. I thought I was gonna be the one there when you had the baby. I mean, after all that time, you know I just had it in my head, I never thought about not being there when you gave birth. I was kind of excited about it. When we painted the nursery and all that stuff, it was fun. So, maybe now...now, I just want some of that for myself"

"Alex..." she strokes his face "I didn't know you felt like that. And, I thought you hated painting!" she laughs trying to lighten the sombre mood "So, why didn't you say something to me before?"

"Yeah, you know I keep asking myself that " he scoffs "Thing is, when I told you to make peace with Clay, let him know about the baby, I never in a million years imagined you'd get on a flight and come here. Let alone give birth here and not be able to come home!"

_Hmmm! _She frowns "Yeah I'm not quite sure what possessed me to do that either, to be honest. But something inside said I should tell him to his face. After all that time it just felt like the right thing to do, and... I suppose I wanted to know how he felt about me. See if he still felt the same" She sighs "I don't know. But yeah, it was a pretty mad thing to do, being that pregnant. I wouldn't say it was the brightest idea I've ever had, right?"

"Yeah... but that's you all over. Unpredictable and crazy!" he laughs, kissing the top of her head

"This _is _crazy alright! Everything that's happened, is madness." She feel a hard lump in her throat as her emotions start swirling like a whirlwind again and she takes lot of deep breaths trying not to cry "Oh what the hell's wrong with me!" she shakes her head trying desperately to stop herself from crying. Fed up with the constant emotional wave off feelings._   
  
Phew! _She takes a deeper breath. Then closing her eyes, she hugs him tight. He continues stroking her cheek softly with his hand, not taking his eyes off her, brushing any loose strands of her long brown hair back from her shoulder and off of her face."Kelsey, it'll come right. Don't get upset"  
  
They stand in silence. Just holding each other their arms wrapped around each other. Her leaned with head against his chest taking in the warm, manly smell of his bare flesh close up, and him, his hand making gentle grooming motions down her back, comforting her.   
  
He contentedly smiles, gently lifting her chin so that she's looking at him. Her glassy, tear-filled eyes searching the dark comforting depths of his. There's a prickly buzzing tension skipping back and forward between their bodies. A zapping of electricity, from the heightened sensations as they touch each other.   
  
Then suddenly, and without a word, he takes her by surprise and kisses her full on the lips.   
  
_"Alex!"_ She groans as the soft of his lips becomes firmer. He becomes more needy, more wanting of her pushing the wet of his tongue into her throat. Invading and sliding deeper into her wet demanding mouth. His tongue tangling with her own as he pulls her body tighter and closer to his. Momentarily she closes her eyes, and she can't lie, she's enjoying kissing him. The feeling of his lips on hers, the feel of his hand touching her body. She likes it and she wants it.   
  
Forcing her back against the kitchen cabinet, there's a power to his touch but he's also gentle as he caresses her stomach and hips. She holds him close, her fingers gripping at his neck pulling him towards her. The kiss is so nice and right now in this moment, he wants her, and she readily accepts the feeling of comfort his touch brings to her. But then a sound pierces the room, shattering the moment and bringing them back, fast, to reality. _Casey! _As he suddenly cries outs she pulls away , taking a breath, staring "Alex _stop!_"   
  
_Shit! _She takes a sharp breath and pushes him back "Alex just _stop! _We can't do this." She shakes her head, her eyes welling with tears. "This...this _no!_ No, we just can't. Get off me." she sighs "Oh god!... What they hell are we doing?! You know this doesn't work. Oh god... we should not be doing this... God what is wrong with me!"  
  
"Kelsey please, wait just...look, this is not your fault. It's me... I want you so much."

"No! Alex... NO! Please don't do this to me. I should never ... I shouldn't be here like this. I love Clay. He's Casey's dad for god sake! I have to make that work, not... not this"

"You have to make _that _work?!" Alex laughs "What because he fathered your child during some pit stop fling!"

"_Alex!" _She snaps slapping him hard across the face. _  
  
Shit!_ She closes her eyes, remorsefully taking a deep breath "Sorry! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that.," She rubs her hand on the, obvious, red mark she made on his cheek. "God...look, I'm sorry but I'm not doing this"

"It's okay" he smiles and nods " I deserved that. I shouldn't have taken advantage. You're vulnerable right now and I pushed it too far. But I have to ask, _if _he loves you so much, then where is he? When you need him, when you're vulnerable, in pain where is he? For god sake Kelsey, you just had his baby he should have stayed here. He should have been here for you"

"He asked me, and I told him to go._ I_ ...told _him_ to go!"

"Yeah and he should have made that decision for himself. He should have seen you needed him...needed _someone _to be here."

"Alex, he has his work, it's his job. You know how hard that is and you know it's not that cut and dried you know that better than anyone. We both knew this life was not going to be simple"

"Well I would make it simple. I would give it all up for you" he snaps his fingers "I would give up all of what I've got, to have this, what he's got"

She stands back the tears roll down her cheeks and she wipes her nose on her hand " Alex please... don't say things like that. You know as well as I do that we can't be together. And I have too much to lose here"

"Yeah what this? " he frowns "Some crummy, military, single person apartment with a guy who's never gonna be here. Who's, always, gonna put his work before you"

"Oh god! " She laughs "And there was you encouraging_ me_ to go back to the Navy and now, you're slating Clay for his choices. Make your mind up Alex!"

"Yeah and where's _his_ support for you? I don't hear him encouraging you. I don't hear him supporting your decisions. All I see him taking the part he wants. He doesn't know you Kelsey, not like I do. In a years' time this is not gonna be enough for you and what if he wants another kid, then what? You stay home, bake cakes!"

"Alex please, it's not like that. What do you expect from him? It's been a whirlwind this week. We haven't had time to talk, to discuss anything. Who knows what's gonna happen? Hell, I haven't even made my own mind up yet, so don't try to confuse things"   
  
She sighs taking a breather from the intensity of the conversation "Look you need to get dressed. We were going out. Let's do that. Put this behind us. It's just emotions because we're both tired. Alex.... let's just go back to where we were. I love having you here, so please don't spoil it"

"Yeah..." He takes a deep breath "Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. I guess I'm more tired than I realised, and I shouldn't have taken advantage. I take it all back. Let's start again and pretend it never happened. Friends..." He smiles, pulling her close "I can't lose you as my friend and if that's all we can be, then I'll take it"

"Hey, you should know you don't get rid of me that easily" she smiles wrapping her arms tight around him. Sighing the sound resonating in her ears as Casey continues to cry "I need to sort him out"

"Yeah sorry" He kisses her gently "And I'm sorry for what I said, I shouldn't have. Just ignore me. Now, go sort your baby out and then we'll go to your class. Anyway, looks like I'll need to work on these abs some more if I'm gonna find myself a woman, right?" he smiles at her rubbing his hand against overly toned stomach

"Oh yeah cos you _really _need to work on them! I mean just look how flabby they are " she laughs, rolling her eyes sarcastically "Alex you are so vain. In fact, I don't think I know anyone vainer than you!" She smiles, reaching up gently kissing him. Looking him in the eyes "Alex you're my best friend, always. I've loved you since we were teenagers and that will never change but you know we can't be together; it just doesn't work. I'm with Clay and he loves Casey. He's a great dad. There is just no way I can take his son from him, not for some, momentary thing, that won't last. We both know that"

"Yeah you're right, as always" He smiles, stroking her face, kissing the top of her head "I'm gonna get dressed. Cover this body up" He laughs ".. cos I know you just can't resist me!"

"Go!" She smiles shaking her head_. Phew! _She takes a breath _Shit! _  
  
She takes lots of deep breaths, wiping tears away from her cheek "Heyyy!" She calls out soothingly "C'mon Casey. _Shhh!_ Mummy's coming. You hungry, yeah?"

She picks the baby up in her arms holding him close, kissing his head. She sniffs _Aww!_ Casey I don't think you need to eat; you stink! I think we better change you "

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Hey, look there's Uncle Alex. He's coming now."   
  
Kelsey frowns as she watches him talking and laughing with a tall, slim, very pretty blonde. Her hair tied in a high, tight ponytail and from her outfit, of shorts and crop top, it's obvious she's been working out too.   
  
She continues watching. The mystery girl is very tactile, smiling as she touches and smooths her hands over Alex's arms and up his biceps. Which _Right on cue!_ In true Alex fashion he flexes for her.   
  
Having had enough of the public display of attention and Alex's continual preening she stands up from where she was sitting, waiting with Casey in the buggy, and walks towards them "Hey!" she smiles

"Oh, hey! " Alex kisses her cheek, greeting her "Um.. Kelsey this is Amy, we just got talking while we were working out.

"Hey Kelsey!" 

"Hello!" Kelsey smiles apprehensively as the American voiced woman greets her 

"I'm sorry Alex, I didn't realize you had girlfriend? I kinda thought you were single, from what you said. But.... oh wow! Such a cute baby you've got."

"Oh um.. . no she's not my girlfriend. I mean he's not mine. No there's nothing between us, I just came to keep her company and help her with the baby. We're just friends. Nothing going on"   
Alex sighs but boy does he regret his choice of words as he sees Kelsey glaring at him. Thinking about his wording it didn't sound too good, didn't convey their years of friendship.

"Oh ... oh right. so, you're not a couple? I just thought with the baby an all, that maybe, you were together"

"No!" Kelsey frowns "Oh no! There's _nothing _between us" she gets snippy in her tone "Just friends, like Alex said!"

"Oh well that's good! .. Well no... I mean, I don't mean good, I mean... good that you're single, for me, I mean ...oh shit! What I mean is ...well that means I can ask you to meet me for a drink right?"

Listening as Amy flusters over her words and Kelsey shakes her head in despair, he smiles "You sure can, and I would be delighted to go for a drink with you, Amy!"

"You would? "She smiles "Oh my god, don't you think his accent is just to die for?" She smiles looking at Kelsey "My friends are gonna be stoked... and so jealous"

"Really" Kelsey sighs, forcing herself to grin in reply " Yeah, well depends doesn't it. Me personally, I'm not sure he's all that, but.. then I know him better than most!" she rolls her eyes taking a deep and bored sigh.

Alex turns to look at her, frowning. "Well I always thought I was kind of special, but I know I don't do it for everyone!"  
  
"Well..." Amy smiles running her fingers along his toned bicep "you certainly do it for me!"

_Huh humm!_ Kelsey coughs. Growing impatiently tired of Amy's whining voice "Are we going for a coffee or not? " She frowns now bored and annoyed " Only _we've _been waiting for you for quite some time now"

"Oh yeah sure!" Alex frowns "Hey um... Amy. Why don't you join us, we're going across the street to the diner, for a coffee? Would you like to come?"

"You know what..." she looks, checking the time on her watch and smiles "sure. Why not!"

"That's great! You don't mind do you Kelsey, if Amy joins us?" he starts out smiling. In his head he thought the three of them getting know each other would be a good thing but then as he notices the look on Kelsey's face, that she doesn't look so pleased, he wonders if he's made a big mistake. _Oh well too late! _"Okay, well come on then. I'll drive!" he smiles, taking the buggy from Kelsey and pushing it forward.   
  
Amy takes his arm as they walk, leaving Kelsey to follow behind them. She's mumbling to herself. Alex can't hear all of her words as coherent sentences but the odd ones that he catches, like _bimbo_ and _where the hell did he find her, _ go some way to explain what she's grumbling about.

Her complaining makes him smile and he laughs to himself. "Hey little boy.." he strokes Casey's chin with his finger " we go get a coffee, yeah right. C'mon on we'll take your mummy and cheer her up. " he jokingly hushes his voice, though Kelsey can still hear him "She's a bit grumpy today!" Amy also smiles and she looks around at Kelsey, who's not finding his comments at all funny but for appearances sake she keep forcing a grin on her face.

As they enter the diner and sit-down Alex lifts Casey from his buggy holding him against his chest.   
  
"Oh my god" Amy smiles as she turns to look at the still pouting Kelsey. "That is so cute don't you think. A guy like this with a baby, it's just so sexy to me!"

_Hmm_ Kelsey rolls her eyes "Can't say it does anything for me but ..,then each to their own, I guess"

As Amy excuses herself to the bathroom, Alex frowns "Kelsey are you okay?"

"Yeah I guess" she manages a faux grin again

"You didn't mind me asking her, did you? Amy I mean. She's nice don't you think?"

"Oh, c'mon Alex what the hell's going on here? She is _so_ not your type. What some air head gym bunny? What, that's really what you're looking for? Or is this supposed to make me jealous. Some stupid game!"

"No! No, she's just a bit of company, some fun. Someone to let off some _frustrations_ with while I'm here. I mean she's never gonna make wife material, right? Anyway she's more vain than me so that would never work!" he laughs and finally Kelsey cracks a proper smile. "That's better. Now c'mon, I'll buy you a donut. Oh..." he whispers, looking her in the eyes "out of curiosity, are you jealous?"

"Oh, shut up!" She laughs shoving him in the side as she sighs, shaking her head. 

**o-o-o-o-o-o**

Kelsey sighs, she's bored. She stirs the spoon in the second of her coffees while staring out of the window into the street. Lost in a world of her own. In the back of her head she can hear the noise of the inane chatter of Alex and Amy.   
  
She sighs again thinking about this morning. Thinking about clay, wondering when he'll be back. As Amy laughs out loud she snaps back to reality and realises she can't take listening to her fawning over Alex any longer. Watching her still pawing at his arms. Her hand across the table stroking his. She looks up watching them, but they are ignoring her and she actually wonders why she's still bothering to sit there.

She smiles at Casey in his buggy, he's starting to fidget, and she hushes and settles him as she looks up about to speak she notices that Amy now has her tongue down Alex's throat.

_Oh shit!_ "You know I need to go!" she snaps, sighing annoyed she suddenly stands up "He's gonna need a feed soon anyway. Alex are you coming with me?"

"Oh um... yeah sure!" Alex can see the look on her face "Look why don't I call you later Amy? We can meet up. I have a hotel not far we could have some dinner maybe."

Kelsey frowns watching as Amy inputs her number into his phone. She smiles and kisses him a long lingering kiss again, his hand working its way down her very toned body and over the curve of her firm ass

"Alex, are we going?" She demands to know as she snaps at him "Or are you going straight to the hotel? By the looks of things, you may as well skip dinner!"

Alex looks at her and frowns. He bites his lip. Inside his head,the look on her face, her pouting, it makes him laugh " No, I'm coming. Amy I will speak to you later. I need to take them home. She's right he's going to need a feed soon"

"Yeah that's fine" Amy flashes him a teasing smile "I'm counting on it. Bye Kelsey it was um... _nice_ to meet you. And bye bye Baby Casey!" she strokes his cheek "He's is way too cute. You're very lucky. Not that I'm ready to do the whole baby thing yet. I mean for one I'd worry about getting my figure back in shape after" she puts he hand to her very flat, very tight abs. " This takes a lot of work so I admire any woman who can let herself go to have a baby. You have my respect"

Kelsey frowns, her comments are not taken graciously "Yeah well that was always my first concern!" she sighs. Alex can tell she's annoyed and he gestures Amy away.

As he says goodbye. And they end up with their lips locked again, her hands across his chest smoothing his tee shirt. He pulls away when he hears, the not so discreet, tutting and loud sighs of annoyance that Kelsey making as she stares watching them .

"Yeah goodbye Amy, nice to meet you.I _must_ do it again sometime!"

Alex laughs as Amy leaves. "I'll call you later"

"Oh, thank god for that!" Kelsey rolls her eyes "I wondered how much more of her I was gonna endure! Seriously Alex, how the hell can you listen? She is the most whiney, annoying person ever, and you're right, she is actually more vain than you! Which I never thought was possible. _Oh, I couldn't have a baby.. my figure .. my respect_ " she mocks

"Have you finished? " Alex smiles biting his lip "So catty Kelsey Roberts, it doesn't suit you. Anyone would think you were jealous. Are you jealous of Amy?"

"Oh, shut the fuck up Alex. No! I'm not jealous I just don't want to listen to her. I just wanna go home! I mean how much more can some vain air head _bimbo_ talk about the vitamin shakes that she drinks or how much of a baby body blimp I am!"

Alex struggle to contain his laugh. "Here let me take him" He smiles as he pushes the buggy. Casey now making grizzly crying sounds "C'mon Casey we'll get you home. Your Mummy's a bit tired, and even more grumpy now." he puts his arm around her neck, pulling her towards him as he kisses her head "And you're not a baby _blimp_. You have a great body. So, cheer up."

"I am not grumpy"

"Oh...."Alex kisses her cheek "... you are so grumpy, but don't worry, I still love you!"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**

_Phew! _Kelsey sighs as she lays back on the couch with Casey in her arms. She closes her eyes for a moment, enjoying the quiet.

"Hey Kelsey, you want me to order some pizza for later? I see there's a menu on the table for a delivery"

"Um...yeah whatever. I thought you were taking that Amy for dinner?"

"Yeah well... I was going to, but I've put her off for tonight. You were right, she was a bit whiney and I didn't fancy it" He sits on the end of the small table, taking hold of her foot in his hand he starts to rub at it. "I'd rather spend the night with the grumpy blimp" he laughs. "Joke!" he smiles "You wanna watch a film?"

_Mmmm! _She groans softly leaning back, enjoying him rubbing her feet "Yeah, I think I'll take a shower first. You'll sit with him ?"

"Yeah, yeah. Give him here" Alex happily takes him in his arms, smiling as he watches him trying to sleep "Hey there little guy. Me again"

"He's nearly asleep so you can put him down in the cot when you're ready"

**o-o-o-o**

She steps out of the shower and after drying herself she clips the strap of her bra as she puts it on. She has a towel wrapped around her waist covering her butt and legs.   
  
She looks at her reflection in the long full-length mirror on the wall of the bedroom and she sighs. Standing up straight she twists her body from side to side, pulling in her stomach. Taking a deep breath, she massages her hand across the skin, parading herself, checking again her reflection _Shit! _she frowns

"Um... what exactly are you doing?" Alex frowns watching her from the bedroom doorway, he's holding Casey about to put him in his crib when he stops to stare at her.

_Huh! _She takes a breath "How long have you been stood there?"

"Long enough" he continues to frown "So? What are you doing?"

"Nothing!" She takes a deep breath "Oh.. just thinking about what Amy said. Do you think I'll ever get back in shape? I mean was that she right, you know about letting myself go." She turns herself from side to side looking at the tone of her skin, the excess on her stomach

"Hey..." He looks over as he lays Casey down to sleep, covering him with the light blanket over his body " Kelsey, don't be stupid. You're not seriously worrying about what she said are you? She wasn't meaning you!"

She sighs, shrugging her shoulders " Maybe... but look" she pulls at her flesh on her stomach "I mean how long is it going to take me to get my fitness back?"

"Kelsey stop this. What's wrong with you. You had a baby like five, six days ago. This is ridiculous, so stop!" He stands behind her, sliding his arms around her waist, his hands smoothing over her stomach as he stares at their reflection in the mirror.   
  
He brushes her hair to one side and kisses her neck. "You've got a great body, you always did have, and it will be fine and if it's not then who the hell cares "  
  
She places her hands firmly against his as he rest them on her hips and then turns around "Alex stop!" She bites at her quivering lip. She's shaking a chill on her skin the goose bumps raised on her arms as she looks up at him.   
  
He rubs his nose against hers and then she can't help it she wraps her hand around his head pulling his lips to hers, pushing her tongue between them massaging his. He responds with an impulse of urgency, his heart beats faster. Her breathing quickens as he trails kisses down her neck, his hand gently groping at her breast. _Mmmm_ she grimaces pulling away from his touch.

"Sorry! Shit... did I hurt you ?"

"Alex stop!" she frowns "Just stop. What the hell are we doing. This is wrong." she holds him back as she looks over at the sleeping crib "This so so wrong. What the hell am I even thinking. I can't, just get off me!" She pulls herself away from his grasp

"Kelsey please... you want this. You want me, as much as I want you."

"No" No, it's not like that, I just...just.. NO!" She takes a breath "This is not going to happen. Just...for god sake just go order the pizza or something and leave me alone!"   
  
She frowns watching him leave the bedroom "Alright fine! You keep telling yourself that but.. this will happen it's meant to be"

She takes a deep breath looking at herself in the mirror again "Oh fuck!"_ Urggghh! _She cries "Shit! ... Sorry..." she looks over at the crib then closes her eyes, raking her hands through her hair. She's distraught by what she's done "Oh....I'm so sorry!"

**o-o-o-o-o-**

She's enters the living room. Now wearing her robe and lounge pants as she watches Alex sitting in front of the TV. She swallows nervously wondering what to say to break the ice that's now frosted over between them.   
  
"So what film are we going to watch " she smiles holding a sleeping Casey against the bare skin of her chest. She's taken her bra off, covering herself with the robe only, allowing her breast to rest from the rubbing of the tight material against it.

"Hey!" he turns around to look at her. "Just got the football on while I was waiting for you to get dressed. You okay now?" he sips apprehensively from the beer in his hand as he smiles at her

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. I'm sorry about earlier. I just need to pull myself together. But things are gonna be okay" she smiles sitting down next to him. She gently kisses his cheek. "So, what film?"

"One of your favourites" he smiles "Pretty woman"

"Alex.." She laughs out loud" You do make me laugh" She opens her robe, placing Casey against her chest to feed him as Alex puts the film on and she snuggles against his side. He wraps his arm around her, kissing the top of her head, smiles as he watches Casey feeding. He takes a contented sip from his beer.

As the film comes to an end Alex notices that Kelsey's asleep next to him and he takes Casey from her arms. He kisses his cheek before placing him into the baby rocker seat on the floor. "Hey, shhh, your mummy's asleep. You stay there while I put Mummy to bed"   
  
He slides his arm under her legs and picking her up in his arms he transfers her from the couch to the bedroom. _Mm mm! S_he groans as he places her on the bed. _  
  
Shhh shh "_Kelsey go back to sleep. Everything's fine. I've got this!" he kisses her forehead and sighs. Then before laying her down he slides her robe off. Noticing that she's not wearing anything underneath, he hesitates, looking at her for a moment. Then he closes his eyes to his thoughts and gently covers her over with the quilt.

_Mmmm!_ She blinks again, starting to wake at the sound of Casey's crying .   
  
"It's okay! Kelsey sleep. I'll sort him out ." He switches the side light off waiting a moment. She turns over onto her side, and goes back to sleep.

  
He takes Casey from the baby rocker, lifting him into his arms and switches the TV back to the sports channel, as they settle to rest, while he finishes another beer.  
  
It's getting late. He checks the time as he gets up and heads into the kitchen where he prepares, by warming, one of the bottles of milk from the fridge. Then returning to the couch, he sits down. Pushing the bottle against Casey's crying lips   
  
"C'mon this is it little guy, because we're going to let mummy sleep" he smiles encouraging Casey to take the milk, which reluctantly at first he does and then he starts to suck. Eventually giving in he greedily takes it. Alex smiles watching him, settling himself back into the cushions to relax as Casey tucks into the milk hungrily. "There's a good boy. I know it's not as nice as Mummy but... good yeah"   
  
He checks his watch again. It's now, _eleven thirty pm_. He yawns, checking the bleep from his phone. He has a few messages from earlier. One from Amy asking when they can meet up. He frowns. One from his friend Tim asking how Kelsey's problem is now and did he need any more advice. and then he smiles as there's a text from _Mandy!_   
  
He decides he will reply to her but just as he starts typing he looks up at the sound as the door lock clicking open.   
  
The two men are both taken by surprise at the presence of the other and they just stare for a moment. Clay frowns, looking at Alex sat there, feeding Casey with the bottle 

"So, what the hell's going on here?"


	26. Time to go

"So...I asked you, what the hell's going on?" Clay dumps his bags onto the floor, then he angrily stares at Alex "And why the hell are _you_ feeding him with _that?_ Where's Kelsey?" Clay frowns disturbed and angry about what he's seeing sat in front of him "You know what, just give him to me!"

"Clay... calm down. Everything's fine here, so don't be stupid, just let him finish his bottle. Oh, and hey, keep your voice down, Kelsey's asleep. She needs to rest."

"I'm sorry... I don't remember asking for your opinion on things... and don't tell me to calm down! You know the only person who gets to tell me what to do, is my team leader and you're definitely not him! Now I said, give him to me."   
  
Clay's struggling to keep his temper in control but he cools it as he steps forward, lifting Casey gently from Alex's arms. He leaves the nearly empty bottle of milk in his hand.   
  
_Shhh! Shhh! "_ It's okay, Daddy's got you " he turns and now viciously stares at Alex "Know something... _he is _the only reason that I don't smack the hell out of you right now. But don't give me an excuse. Because I won't hesitate. Now, I think it's time that you left, don't you? I mean what the hell are you even doing here at this time?"

"Oh, Clay for god sake you really do need to calm down" Alex sneers at him standing up, making their height difference obvious. "I've been helping Kelsey out. You know so she didn't have to be on her own... with a newborn baby!" he sighs, smiling at Clay "Maybe you should have thought about that, before you went off! Maybe made the call for them first, rather than your job. You know as well as I do that you didn't have to go on that op, but you chose to. But don't worry, everything's been just fine, so chill out and stop trying to throw your weight around, cos it doesn't impress me"

"Everything's fine? Chill out?! What the hell..."Clay scoffs at him, he can feel the vein in his neck pulsing with anger, his breathing slow and controlled so that he doesn't upset the baby in his arms. If it wasn't for holding Casey he knows he would have laid into him with his fist by now " I swear to god, if you don't leave .. I'm gonna put you out on your ass. Do you understand me?"

"Really ?" It's Alex's turn to laugh "You know I come across guys like you every day of the week. New recruits that really think they're something . But then that's why they have officers like me, to put you back in your boxes!"

Clay bites lip hard, he's furious right now but he wraps his hand around Casey's tiny body holding him close to his chest trying, for his sake, to keep his voice quiet and calm "I said get the hell out or I'll show you about putting people in boxes. Just know... " he looks over his shoulder checking the bedroom is still quiet and dark ".. I don't like you. I'm not gonna like you. The only reason I've tolerated you being here, is for her. But the sooner you get on a plane and leave, the happier I'll be!"

"Oh worry you do I?" Alex smiles " Make you realise what you might lose. You know perhaps you should take care of what you've got a little better"

Clay steps forward, protecting Casey's head with his hand he looks Alex in the face "You really are the arrogant asshole aren't you. But guess what, you don't worry me at all. See I know if Kelsey had wanted you, she wouldn't have come back to me, but she did. Now I'll never know what's gone on between you, to be honest I don't care because if there was something then all you've got now is memories. So, stop trying to take what's not yours and leave us the hell alone. Do you understand me?"

"I'll leave when Kelsey tells me to leave, not you. You think there's something between us... " he smiles "maybe you're right, maybe you're wrong. That's not for me to tell you. What I will tell you is ... you should start paying her a bit more attention. Listen to her wants and needs because I promise you this... I'm always gonna be here, waiting"

Clay grinds his teeth, he's so angry and not sure how much longer he'll contain it. In his head he's playing out the scene where he punches Alex full in the face "You know what.. just pack your shit up, and leave!"

Alex laughs smugly "You think this..." he looks around the apartment "this is gonna be enough for a woman like her? Look at this place. What the hell can you offer her?"

Clay close his eyes trying to calm himself down "I'm now gonna put Casey down in his crib to sleep. When I come back, you better not be here. Is that clear?"

"Oh perfectly. " Alex smiles standing his ground "All I'll say is .. don't make her choose Clay, cos I don't think you're ready for what she might do."

"Oh, you're so sure of yourself aren't you " Clay sneers but he ignores him, closing his eyes for a few seconds, his blood's boiling. But as he kisses Casey's head he distances himself from Alex's comments "Hey baby boy, Daddy missed you." he kisses him again and carries him through to the bedroom. He turns back when he's at the doorway "I told you, when I come back I don't be here."  
  
Before he disappears Alex can't resist one more goading poke at him "Clay, why can't you just leave her be, let her sleep. She needs to rest. Man, you are so bloody pig headed"  
  
Clay turns around he's just about ready to snap "I said get the hell out! And that's my last warning. You know what...I'll pack your shit up tomorrow. Just go!"

"I'll go if she wants me to. I'm not leaving her with you, not while you're in a temper like this."

"You're not leaving her with me... what the hell. Wait! What? You think I'd take my temper out on her? You know what ... no actually, fine then we'll get her, get Kelsey and she can tell you herself that we don't need you here"

"But she did need me. She needed me cos you weren't here for her"

Clay's stood in the doorway he sucks in his chest as he takes a deep breath it's the only way he can remain in control. He leaves Alex standing there completely ignoring his last comments and heads into the darkness of the bedroom.  
  
Lifting Casey from his arms he places him in the calm safety of his crib. He turns his head and he can make out the shape of Kelsey's body asleep on the bed.  
  
He lays, the sleeping, baby down, stroking and kissing his head to sooth and settle him back into sleep. Covering him over with the blue blanket.   
  
Then he turns around, looking at the bed and he smiles, watching her while she sleeps. His eyes are immediately drawn to the fact that she's lying with no clothes on, naked and exposed, the quilt's pushed down around her waist where she's moved around in her sleep. He frowns. For a few moments his brain runs through all kinds of bizarre explanations and he looks up thinking about Alex. He dismisses all of the thoughts and sits himself quietly on the edge of the bed next to her.   
  
Now stroking his hand gently up her arm and then he leans in close against her, working his touch gently up her neck, his thumb stroking gently on the length of her throat, eyes focused on her face. She starts to rouse from her sleep and he positions himself over her naked body. He can't help but very lightly touch her breast, making small circles with his finger on the smooth skin. He leans forward, touching his lips against hers.

_Mmmm! _She groans waking from her deep slumber. Semi-conscious she's confused by the kiss she can feel on her lips and unable to focus immediately she's not sure what's going on _Alex.??_ She frowns to herself, using her hand she pushes away the body that's close against hers at least until she's able to blink her eyes open.   
  
_"Clay!"_ She gasps pleasantly surprised as he kisses her again. Opening her eyes wide she stares up at him and smiles, a wide beaming grin "_Hey!" _She snakes her arms tightly around his neck, reaching up pulling him towards her. Her lips searching out his. Her tongue finding the inside of his mouth while they kiss passionately.  
  
"Hey there sleepy head." He smiles stroking her cheek "How are you?"

_Mmmm!_ "Better... " she groans "now that you're back. What time is it?" she frowns still not fully coherent "Have you been back long?" she props herself up on her elbows so she can look at him in the dim light of the room.

"Not long, no" He smiles kissing her lips again. The surge of anger he felt when he arrived back is now subsiding as they continue kissing. She keeps her arms locked around him and he lifts her from the comfort of the bed to hold her against him. The rough of his hands stroking up and down the bare, soft, skin of her back. _  
  
Mmmm!_ She groans again, enjoying the feel of his caressing touch, clinging tightly to him. She looks down at body, remembering now that she's not wearing much in the way of clothes and her naked breasts are rubbing against Clay's tee shirt clad chest "I need to get my robe. " She smiles pointing towards the floor " I was just um.. getting some air. It helps with the soreness"

"It's okay!" Clay smiles kissing her again "I'm not complaining" He puts his hand very gently on her smooth skin caressing the firm fullness of her breast.

_Mmmm! _She reacts to his touch, the over sensitive feeling it causes makes her to put her hand to his, making sure that he only touches _very_ gently. She can feel the warmth of his body against her and she nuzzles her nose into this the soft gap between his neck and shoulder, sniffing him, taking in his heady rugged testosterone fueled scent.   
  
_"_Ohhh!_" Mmmm!_ "You smell so good" she smiles, her lips are again searching for his. It's then as she looks up from the embrace she notices over Clay's shoulder _"Alex_" He's standing in the doorway to the bedroom and she frowns watching him.   
  
Also aware of his presence Clay spins around as he does she quickly pulls up the quilt up around her for modesty, covering up her naked body "Alex are you alright?" She frowns

"Are you still here?" Clay snaps

"Clay!" Kelsey frowns questioning his tone "What 's going on? Is everything alright?"

"Yeah Alex said he was going. To be honest I was surprised he was still here when I got back."

"Yeah um... that's cos he's been staying, while you were gone, keeping me company and giving me a hand with Casey."

_Hmmm!_ Clay frowns "Yeah I was concerned though; I mean why he was feeding him with a bottle? I thought we agreed about that?"

"Clay, what's the problem?" she sits up, frowning, staring him in the face "It was _one _bottle and only so I could sleep a little. You know, take a break from feeding. You don't know what it's like, it's been relentless and Alex's friend, who's a doctor, he recommended I take a break to help with the pain I've been having".

"Wait....you're in pain? You never said anything?"

"Yeah well how was she going to do that when you weren't here!" Alex smugly suggests from where he's still standing watching them.

Clay blanks him, ignoring his comment "But you're alright? What's going on? "

"Yeah I'm fine. Really. It's. a blockage, it's common, happens a lot. But I'm getting on top of it and hence why he was having the bottle". She frowns looking up at Alex. That isn't quite the truth and though she was grateful Alex left her to sleep she knows that she didn't actually ask him to give Casey a bottle. But given the brusk tone of the conversation she decides it's probably best not to tell Clay that .

Clay brushes her hair back from her face and kisses her again making sure with Alex still standing there to take his time, over emphasizing it. "As long as you're alright that's the important thing" he strokes her cheek, the back his hand smoothing along the skin of her shoulder, down her arm, then without realising he's doing it, Clay's hand gently touches over her breast again. She flinches unsure how to react, uncomfortable because Alex is still there, and she gets the feeling that Clay's making a thing out of touching her. She blushes, slightly embarrassed and pulls the quilt up against her. "Clay.... stop!" she whispers feel slightly anxious "Alex is still here" she smiles awkwardly.

"Yeah..." Clay turns around frowning "don't let us keep you will you!"

"Yeah you know what...I am gonna go." he holds up his phone making a point of gesturing to it "Mandy text. I'm gonna meet up with her for a ..." He smiles and coughs "a _late_ _drink_. Kelsey, I'll catch you tomorrow."

"Mandy?" Kelsey frowns "Isn't it a bit late to be meeting up now?"

"Well we're both free and single, right? No ties so .. why not. I guess she must've just got back as well" He smiles "It's not a problem is it? I mean Clay's back now you don't need me to stay do you?"

"No um... I guess not. No... no it's not a problem, it just surprised me." Kelsey sighs and shrugs she doesn't know why but it does bother her, slightly, him meeting Mandy at this time. It probably means he'll try and sleep with her "Alex you okay?" She can see him hesitate in the doorway like he doesn't really want to leave and there's definitely an atmosphere between him and Clay, she can feel it hanging in the air between them.

"Yeah I'm fine. I just think you two probably need some space. I'm sure you have um... _stuff _you need to talk about. You don't need me in the way now do you?"

"Yeah, see you around Alex!" Clay snippily answers him.

Kelsey frowns. She can definitely tell there's an atmosphere. The tone Clay uses something's not right. As he turns to go Kelsey gets up pulling the quilt around her to follows him into the living area "Alex!" she calls to him stopping him at the apartment door as he undoes the latch "You okay? Did something happen ?"

He looks up. Clay's staring at him, arms folded watching him from the bedroom doorway. He hesitates and then smiles. He wants to say so much, but he knows if he does that would wreck everything and so it's late and he doesn't want to cause a row right now  
  
"No nothing. I'm fine!" His cell phone bleeps in his pocket and he checks it "Mandy..." he smiles "she's just left. I need to go. Don't worry, Kelsey... everything's fine ." He puts his hand on her cheek stroking it " You go get some rest you need it and I'll speak to you tomorrow "

"Okay. Well as long as you're alright. Alex... thanks for everything " She kisses his cheek

He looks up his gaze meets with Clay's as they both stare intently at each other. Clay can feel this hate, jealousy and rage building again as he watches him touch her. Alex brushes her hair back the whole time he keeps his eyes with the testing look on Clay "You know I'm always here for you. Whatever you need"

"I know" she takes hold of his hand kissing it "Now... don't keep a lady waiting" she smiles "Oh, and don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"Oh, you know me. I'll do everything !" he smiles "I'll pick my stuff up tomorrow. I've still got my luggage at the hotel anyway"

"Okay" She nods "Alex shall we do lunch tomorrow, now Clay's back. You two could get to know each other better"

"Yeah ..." Alex smiles "I'm up for that"

Neither Clay nor Alex acknowledge each other, and he leaves.   
  
As Kelsey closes the door behind him, she has this pang of emotions about him going. It catches her off guard and she takes deep breath holding the door for a few seconds while she regains her composure.

Clay's behind her, stroking her hair from her neck while he kisses her bare shoulder. "You okay?"

"Yeah... yeah I'm good." She frowns "Did he say anything to you when you got back?"

"No... no I don't think so. Such as what? "

"Oh, nothing. He just didn't seem himself that's all. Like he had things on his mind, as if was going to say something. Probably reading too much into it. He can be a bit funny like that sometimes."

"Seemed fine to me ...I guess he has Mandy on his mind" Clay laughs " Still it's good that he's gone, right?" he sighs turning her around to face him "It means... I get you all to myself now"

"Yeah I suppose" she wraps her arm around his neck" So how did your op go?"

"Yeah it was okay. Fairly simple. Just did what we had to do, got in, got out. How's Casey been? You do anything while I was gone?"

"Yeah he's been great. We're kind of getting in a system now. Still three-hour clockwork with the feeding but um... guess that's to be expected this early on. Hopefully soon he'll go a bit longer between feeds soon but..." She smiles "Oh hey, we did do something, we went to that baby yoga class. He loved it.. well actually he slept through it, but I take that as win. No, it was good. Not my normal kinda thing but...it was okay. Alex managed pull a girl, Amy. Would you believe it" she laughs "She's definitely... definitely not his normal type. She was more a blonde air head think the only thing they had in common..." she smiles "was working out, oh and their vanity!"

"Alex went with you, to the baby class?"

"Um... well not to the class. He just took us there. He um... he went to the gym, to work out. Did you know he's training to be a recruitment instructor? Really surprised me with it I never thought he'd want nine to five or give up his unit. Four twos' been his life. He reckons he wants to settle down " she laughs loudly

"Well... perhaps him and Mandy will make a go of it?" he slides his arms around her waist tugging at the quilt to pull it away from her grasp "I'm guessing but Mandy seems much more his type. She's smart, intelligent, pretty good at her job, .. brunette. All the things he'd want in a woman, right?"

"I guess." Kelsey laughs "Though I don't think Alex has a type" she smiles awkwardly "Never know he might find what he's looking for. Alex is one of these who usually gets what he wants. He doesn't usually give up until he does. Clay we..."

_Shh!_ "Enough about him. I'm more interested in you" he kisses around her shoulder then works his kisses back to her lips.   
  
_Mmmm! _She moans as he fills her mouth with his tongue, sliding his hands around her butt, kneading at it gently "Clay..." She breaks away from his kisses ".. Clay, it's too soon for that!"

_ Awww!_ "Okay but it doesn't mean I can't touch, right?"

"I suppose" she smiles wrapping both hands around his neck, linking her fingers locking them in place at the back of his head. She leans in tight against his chest "I'm glad you're back. I missed you"

" So, um... did Alex when's he say when he's going back to the UK?"

"I thought we weren't talking about him anymore" she strokes his face, her thumb stroking around his eyes as they stare at each other

"We're not. I'm just curious that's all. I just want you all to myself. No interruptions."  
  
"Well um... " She smiles "I'm not sure exactly. I think he was going to stay for the two weeks he has off. He did um.. he did ..." she bites her lip hesitating for a moment " he did offer.. to um.. take me back with him, if wanted to go back. You know, to pack up my flat and sort stuff out. He said he's help me with Casey and our stuff at the airport" She's careful how much she pushes the issue while she tries to gauge how open Clay's is to the suggestion. Seeing as he doesn't seem to register any reaction she drops the subject and smiles "Anyway it's not something I've given any serious thought yet. Still early days. So, there's no hurry. Right, forget all that. You look tired why don't we go get some sleep before his lordship wakes up again."

He holds her close against his body, his hands smoothing down the bare skin on her back to the top of her panties, working his fingers gently under the material to the soft skin of her butt where he caresses her. His lips and tongue needily searching for her mouth as he kisses her gently, at first, then more firmly.   
  
"_Ohhh!_ This is nice." she smiles enjoying the loving touches of his hand on her skin "So, whats brought this on?"

"Does there have to be a reason? I've missed you. I wanna be with you. We've been so caught up in a stuff this week, then me getting spun up. Maybe we just need to make some _us time_. "  
  
"Clay.. I .. " she sighs "you know...it's still awkward. It's not that I don't want to be with you. Just. it's a little bit soon."

"Hey, I know that. I'm not pushing you but um... there's plenty of other things we can do right. I just like being close to you. That's all I want right now. You.. him that's it."   
  
He leans in kissing her then he picks her up offer her feet and carries her back to the bedroom, dropping her down gently onto the bed. He pulls his tee shirt over his head taking it off and drops his pants leaving them on the floor. She smiles at the smooth touch of his skin against hers. It's a nice feeling.   
  
He leans his body over her, looking her in the eyes, stroking her face. They're kissing again, the soft of their lips together. It feels good "Um... you know you have to go back and get the quilt, right?" she laughs.

"Oh! Yeah.... "he smiles. "It'll keep. We don't need it yet " He continues kissing her, the soft touch of his mouths working his way down her arm, over her chest to her stomach dropping gentle warm touches against the soft of her flesh. She smiles, at his beard tickles her skin then drags his head back to hers. Her hands either side of his face she closes her eyes taking in the sound of his breathing, his breath warm against her cheek and the scent of his fresh washed skin and deodorant mixed with the natural musky smell of him in her nostrils. She smiles, she can feel the hard bulge in his boxer shorts, rubbing against her thigh! "Clay ..." she smiles at the feeling. "I'm sorry"

"No, I'm sorry. But you know I can't help that you turn me on so much" he smiles that gorgeous smiles of his. The one that still makes her go weak for him. He kisses her getting up from the bed "I best I get that quilt then!"


	27. Too soon for this

** Are you all still keeping track where we are? Think things might be going to get ugly soon but first... we need to get back on track :)   
**quick heads up warning...this chapter does get slightly NSFW about halfway through** (in case you need to exit) **

** 00:30 hours  **

Both Clay and Kelsey snuggled together in bed now. Their bodies pressed tight against each other with her back to Clay's chest. Aside from the pair of small black panties she's wearing, they're both naked.   
  
Clay's has his arm draped over her waist, his hand stroking softly the skin on her stomach. Every now and again his fingers are tempted higher up her body to the firm fullness of her breast, smoothing his finger lightly against it.   
There's so much more weight to her breasts now and he can certainly feel the change. He thinks how much he's always loved touching her there, how she liked it too how it turned her on but now, even though he's told how great she looks, how good she makes him feel, she seems uncomfortable, embarrassed even, about him touching her.   
  
He's sighs, thinking how much less confident she is with her body now since she gave birth to Casey. He doesn't understand why because all he can think is how great she looks. He smiles. Still continuing to quietly, caress her skin.   
  
She's been asleep for quite a while now. Clay, on the other hand, hasn't been unable to switch off, thinking about the past few days. Mainly about the mission but it is interspersed with thoughts of Alex, and his words, their conversation are playing out in his mind, messing with his thoughts.

He lays silent, listening to the in and out of her breathing. His eyes focused in the dim bedroom light at his son who he can see though the rails on the side of the crib. Sighing, quietly frustrated that he's unable to stop thinking about Alex and about how much he wants him gone from their lives, planning in his head how to get rid of him.  
  
Eventually though even the noise in Clay's mind has to give in to the tired of his body and despite resisting for a while longer he finally succumbs. Closing his eyes, he falls asleep.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-**

** 0330 hours **

_Ahhh!_ Kelsey groans as she checks the time on her phone _Shit!_ She groans louder this time as she sees how early it is. Sitting up in the bed she brushes her hair back from her face. "Yeah yeah... _shhh!_ Casey c'mon, just give me a minute"   
  
She looks into the crib where Casey's lays there crying then she looks beside her at Clay in the bed, still sound asleep _. _She smiles, but at the same time she's kind of jealous. Jealous that he's sleeping so well while she's now wide awake._  
  
Urgghh! _ She rubs at her neck, she's so tired. She gets out of bed and scooping the baby up into her arms she rocks him gently trying to quieten him down "Hey, hey, hey! " She frowns "C'mon _Shhh! _You'll wake your daddy up. Casey there's a good boy .... _shuussh!_"

_Mmmm!_ Clay turns over, his hand reaching out to her side of the bed "Hey.." He frowns opening his eyes looking at her "Where are you going?"

"Sorry.... I didn't mean to wake you. Go back to sleep. I'm going through there to feed him. We'll try not to disturb you"

"Hey...no, come here. I don't mind being disturbed. Kelsey, get back in bed!"

"Clay you look tired; you need to sleep. It's fine, I don't mind"

"No! No, I want to be with you. Now, come back"

She smiles as she sits herself down on the bed. Relieved to be back in the war, soft comfort of the quilt. Clay sits up, he pulls his pillow up behind him and then sitting so his legs are either side of her, he pulls her body against his chest. The bare skin of her back is pressed tight against his flesh.   
  
She puts the pillow, the one Ash got, under Casey's body and latches him on to her breast to feed. Clay smiles, wrapping his arms around them both. Leaning his chin over her shoulder, he enjoys watching as she holds the baby in her arms and feeds him.   
  
_Mmmm! _"You know this is so nice to wake up to, even ..." he yawns "..at this time. Certainly, much better than waking up with Sonny's feet in your face!"

"What?" She laughs "Sonny's feet? Okay that sounds an interesting op " she smiles stroking her hand against his arm "Trust me though...this may seem nice now but a few nights of it and the novelty soon wears off. Sonny's feet will start to appeal to you by then" _Phew! _She sighs rubbing hand across her forehead before settling herself back against the firm strength of his body. She closes her eyes and, just for a while, she enjoys the quiet comfort she has “You’re right though, this _is _nice!"

"Yeah...yeah this is perfect!" he leans against the pillows behind him, smoothing his hand on the top of her thigh, his other hand gently stroking the top of Casey's head as he feeds. Dropping gentle kisses gently against her neck he whispers in her ear "Kelsey....I love you!"   
  
She smiles, twisting her head around to look at him "I love you too!"  
  
Then sitting in the dim lit peace and quiet, she leans her head back on his shoulder, closing her eyes while he continues gently massaging her skin.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-**

** 06:34 hours **

_Ahhh shit!!_ She groans _Seriously?..._ Already! she sighs with a heavy heart "Okay... okay...yeah, Mummy's awake!" she calls quietly to the baby as she lifts her weary aching head from the pillow. Casey's really wailing now, and she sighs "Oh god! Yeah, yeah I hear you!. Give me a chance I'm coming!" she's awake but struggling to open her eyes.

Clay sits up with a start _Shit!!_ "What the hell what time is it?" he rubs at his head, his messy curls even more messy

"Just gone six thirty" she sighs "It's okay I've got this. I'll sort him out"

"Wow! Jeez... that came around quick" He checks the time "Is that the time? Christ, it's only a couple of hours since he already fed"

"I told you " she smiles "He's like clockwork, every three hours! If we're really lucky sometimes he might get to four! " She picks him up and sitting on the edge of the bed she holds him, rocking him side to side in her arms "Clay, can you just hold him. I really need to pee and get a drink first"

"Yeah sure!" he frowns as she hands the crying Casey to him. "Hey...hey it's okay. Shhh! Casey c'mon, ssshh Daddy's here" He smiles at him, holding him cuddled against the bare flesh on his chest. For a moment, sucking on his small fist, he settles down.

"Oh wow!" She smiles watching him from the bathroom doorway "Guess you must have the magic touch!"

Inside the bathroom, she rakes her hand through her hair and then uses the toilet, before washing her hands and face. Looking up at her reflection the mirror she sighs as she stares at the tired, naked version of herself she can now see._ "Oh god, how tired do I look!"_

She sighs again as she comes back through to the bedroom. Picking up her robe from the floor she slips it on covering her body up "I'm just gonna get a glass of water, are you okay with him?"

"Yeah, he's fine" Clay hushes his voice, still holding Casey. He's sat up in the bed, his eyes closed resting them and he smiles, enjoying the feeling of Casey moving, wriggling and fidgeting against his chest.

As she comes back with a glass of water Clay's fully awake and rocking Casey back and forward in his arms. He's ready to feed and crying again.

"Um...look I .. " she holds up warm bottle "I wondered if you might want to feed him? I mean I can do it but I just thought ..". she shrugs "that you might like to. You two look so cosy there and it means you can have some time with him, but only if you want"

Clay pauses while he thinks about it. It would be going against everything he said but he looks at how tired she looks and how snuggled Casey is in his arms and how nice it might be to feed him   
"I could um... give it a go, I suppose." He looks up, hesitatingly taking the bottle from her hand. He presses it gently against Casey lips.

She sighs with tiredness, sitting herself in the bed next to them, watching. "Just keep it up a little bit more. So, he doesn't get too much air" she smiles stroking her finger against Casey's cheek encouraging him to suckle.   
  
She can see that Casey's resisting as he hears her voice. "Just keep tempting him with it. He'll take it, he's hungry" She smiles "It's probably because he knows I'm here, he's testing you" she laughs and gets up to leave them alone

"Hey!" Clay takes hold of her hand and pulls her back to the bed "You're know you're always gonna be the better option, right. I mean, why would anyone wanna let you go?"

She frowns. Leaning across him, her face close to his, she kisses him "Are you okay there, I was going to make a coffee"

"Um.." Clay looks down Casey's who's now taking the bottle, sucking contentedly. He smiles at how nice it feels, holding him, satisfying his needs, giving him what he wants. He strokes his head gently "Yeah we're good!"

"Okay" She heads out of the bedroom, hesitating in the doorway she leans against the frame for a moment as she watches them. She smiles looking as the perfect picture. Clay's bare skin, strong muscles laden chest with their tiny helpless baby held safely in his arm. She sighs "Back in a minute!"

** 07:32am  **

Casey's fed, clean diaper and now settled back in his crib asleep. Kelsey's laying on the bed, on and off closing her eyes. She turns over on to her side and yawns stretching her arms as Clay, laid on his chest, wraps his arm over her waist.  
  
"We should get up, I need to do some laundry today. I can't believe the amount of clothes he goes through You know we really could do with a washing machine" She sighs loudly. She frowns that she even said that out loud about the laundry, wondering if this is it now, how her life will be. An endless cycle of feeding and washing clothes.

Unwrapping herself from Clay's arm he heads to the bathroom and she picks up her phone from the side table next to her. She smiles as starts to work her way through some of the texts she's received overnight. Word has finally got back to her ship that she had the baby early and now some of the crew are sending her congratulatory messages.   
  
_See you soon!   
_She smiles at the optimism of some of the replies and laughs out loud at some of the banter. They're in the Indian Ocean right now and she sigh biting her lip as she looks at the fabulous pictures they've sent. If she's honest she's a little jealous right now as she looks around the bedroom. The piles of clothes, fresh diaper piles and packets of wet wipes. _Hmmm!_

Clay watches her from the bathroom doorway as he heads back to the bed. He can see her expression changing as she reads through the messages "Hey.. what you looking at?"

"Oh, nothing. Oh, it's um... some of the guys, from the Charles .. telling me where they are" she laughs "Telling me they hate their new SL, that he's a pain the arse." she smiles as she looks up at Clay " See all my time keeping lectures and they're missing me now"

"And you? You're missing it...being on the ship?" Clay frowns, stroking her hair back from her face as she sits herself up, leaning against the headboard next to him "I guess you must miss being at sea. I mean it must be kinda weird being land based now. Not the up and down of the ocean that you get used to "

"Maybe..." she shrugs " Yeah maybe I miss it a little . But I err.. .. I kinda accept it now. But yeah.. yeah there are days when I miss it. Hey, it's a six-billion-pound warship who wouldn't, right? "

"You know um... " he takes her hand in his stroking the skin on the back of it "I've been thinking that maybe we could ....well we could sit down, together and try and work out this care plan you need. I mean, see if we could make it work. If...if you really wanna give it a go. You know, I would understand if you wanted to, it's just down to planning, right? So not impossible"

She turns to face him, the frown on her head questioning him "You mean that? What I mean is you're willing to discuss it?"

"Yeah!..." he frowns " Yeah sure. I mean, it can't hurt to look at it, so then we'd know what we're dealing with, what the problems would be. Look Kelsey..." he strokes her face "I know I was a bit snippy about it before, dismissing it like I did. I'm sorry. But I'm willing to look at it with you, after all you have to be happy too, right? And I want you to be happy."

"Clay come here!" She smiles, wrapping her arms around his neck. She kisses him "You know I am happy, it's nothing to do with that. It's just....well I worked hard to get my position on that ship, so it means a lot to me. To give it .. I just have to be sure." She sighs studying his face "So um.. can I ask, what brought this change of heart? Not being funny you were really against it before"

"I know" he kisses her "I know I was but like I said, I've thought about it and if we're gonna make this work, then we need to talk about stuff" He sighs taking a deep breath in "And... I thought I might .. speak with Ash. You're it's time he stepped up. He's Casey's grandfather and maybe he could help us some."

"You're serious about that?" she laughs looking at him surprised" Okay...c'mon where did real Clay Spenser go?" she puts her hand on his forehead "Do you feel alright, are you ill? " she gently places her lips on his, kissing him as she sits herself across his lap "Let’s just take one step at a time. Anyway, I need to speak to my CO first, see what the situation is about going back. I um.. also need to get some of my fitness back. Need to lose this baby belly or I'll never get back in my uniform"   
  
She laughs, as he holds her head and kisses her back she smiles at him "I do love you Clay Spenser and we are gonna make _this_ work"

"Yeah...yeah we are, cos I love you" he draws patterns on her arm with the tips of his fingers as he smiles at her "You know um....I was then gonna take a shower and well Casey’s asleep .." he looks at his watch "And I reckon we've got two hours before he wakes again. So how about we um.... we have some _mum_-my and daddy time?"

"Mummy!" she laughs "Did I hear you right you said _Mum_...my?

"Yeah ...you see, I 'm trying, right?"

"Right!" she smiles, biting the corner of her lip looking him in the eyes before she kisses him passionately "Well ... I guess then maybe some _Mummy _and Daddy time might be good"

"C'mon then" he pulls at her hand, dragging her up from the bed into the private sanctuary of the bathroom.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

Inside the bathroom the light is so much brighter than the bedroom. It's artificial and it highlights every flaw on a person skin. She gets caught up looking at her herself in the mirror again. She sighs to herself.

"Hey ." Clay frowns watching her "Kelsey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing" she shrugs "Oh... I don't know. Look, I mean look at this" she runs her hand over her stomach "I am I ever gonna get back in shape for the Navy?"

"Look at what?" Clay frowns " Kelsey.. you look great for someone how only had a baby just over a week ago!" he turns her around to face him and holding her cheek in his hand, he kisses her. His fingers lightly dancing over her skin and he undoes the soft belt that's keeping her robe closed around her body. Pushing the fabric back from her shoulder he kisses at the gap with her neck.   
  
_Mmmm!_ She groans, wrapping her arms around his neck. Leaning forward she touches his lips with her fingers while caressing her other hand though the soft of his curls. Their mouths lock against each other and his tongue disappears inside her mouth, probing gently against her tongue. She closes her eyes. She's enjoying this kissing, perhaps a little too much.   
  
Shedding her robe from her body his hand caresses around the shape of her hip onto her back, then moving downwards he smooths it over the gentle curve of her butt. His fingers kneading at the firm flesh as she moans, enjoying the warm touch of his hand on her skin.  
  
"So are you turning this shower on or not?" she smiles

_Mmmm hmm!_ "I sure am"  
  
Slipping the shorts he's wearing down his legs he takes them off. Naked now he leaning into the cubicle reaching across to turn the warm water on. Once at temperature he gets in, running the spray over his head, washing both his hair and his face. Shaking the water off, while he waits for Kelsey to join him .   
  
Watching her, as nervously, she slips her black lace panties off, dropping them to the floor. She takes a deep breath, still conscious that Clay's looking at her body she anxiously covers her breasts with her arm, fiddling with her hair to distract from her nerves.

" C'mon then" he smiles "It's warm" He reaches his hand out, taking hold of hers as he pulls her inside the glass shower cubicle and under the water, with him.

_Mmmm!_ She smiles, as the gentle warm from the shower spray caresses over her body. Clay squeezes some bodywash, the favorite one that she likes, into his hand and then lathers it over her back. Working it in his hands down her butt and over her thighs.  
  
She giggles as he strokes his touch over her skin and then he turns her around to face him, Caressing at her neck and stroking softly down her body before, very, gently and delicately, he places his hand against her breast  
  
"Clay..." she gasps uncomfortable at him touching her there. She closes her eyes as he kisses her "Clay...don't!"

_Shhh!_ "Kelsey your beautiful. Just trust me"   
  
She bites her lip nervously, softly placing her lips on his. Stroking her hand on his face, then she kisses his neck while caressing her hand over his biceps. She smiles as her fingers then trace a line around his tattoo.   
  
Looking up into his eyes, they're smiling at each other. Then lightly she kisses her way down his shoulder onto his chest. She can feel the curve of every muscles as they flex at her touch. Keeping her eyes locked on his as she smooths the palm of her hand over the flesh. Moving it further down over the taut tone of his ab muscles.   
  
_Mmmm!_ "That feels nice" he groans out loud. Watching the expression change on his face as she moves her hand even lower down his body. Her fingers now grasping at the hard between his legs. She can feel just how, turned on he is by this, by how ridged his cock feels.   
  
"Oh god!" He sighs as he brushes his firmness against her thigh. They still don't speak, just stand together, staring at each other. Talking to each other, using only their eyes. Somehow managing to explain without words, about their wants and needs.

She strokes her fingers gently along the length of his hard dick. Her touch forces him to close his eyes, pushing his back against the glass door of the shower. _Mmmm!_  
  
As he moans, she can tell how much he likes tha and then she wraps her hand, tightly, around him. Encasing his cock in her fingers before pumping her hand against him. Making movements that gently forces the skin back and forward over the shaft. This turns him on more and more.

His hands are working now, massaging and grasping at her skin. His fingers caressing down her spine. Then cupping her butt firmly in his hands, he gently forces her hips towards him. Rubbing his groin against hers now. Smiling as he lets her know what he wants   
  
"Clay stop! We can't." she sighs nervously "It's too soon to do that. I'm sorry"

He sighs frustrated all he wanted to do was tease her there between her legs. He wants his touch to make her cum. To see her face lost in ecstasy. "Too soon? " he frowns questioning her

"Yeah I told you .. it's just bit too soon yet. I'm not ready " she sighs biting her lip. She can tell he's disappointed and she pulls her body away from him

"Heyy... he pulls her back "It's okay ..Kelsey it's okay. We'll wait....until you're sure you're ready. I'm not pushing this. I just want you so much. I wanna be close to you, that's all. We don't have to do anything. This is fine" he strokes his hands down her back, kneading his hand in the flesh of her butt.

"I know!" she strokes his face "And I wanna be close to you to. I just need some more time before that “She pulls her hand through her long-wet hair and staring at him she smiles.   
  
He smiles back, kissing her lips before pushing her back against the tiles on the wall. The warm water is streaming down his back, as he leans against her, kissing. His hands stroking over the whole of her body. As she continues to feel his hardness rubbing against her leg.   
  
His need for some relief is great and he takes her hand and places it against his stiff cock. "You could um.. you know .. do that instead" he bites his lip looking at her, testing and teasing.

She leans back against the wall her hand wrapped around the hard of his dick. Watching his eyes begging her to jerk him off. She smiles again, his pleading with her, it puts her in control. And it gives her back some of her body confidence which and she shows by teasing him.  
  
Leaning back against the wall in the shower, she piles her wet hair on top of her head, raising her arms above her. It has the effect of pushing her breasts forward more towards him.   
  
_Mmmm!_ He groans putting his hand to them but she confidently slaps it away.   
  
"I told you don't touch

"Oh, c'mon Kelsey" his need, his desire for her is huge. His cock is rock hard, his balls swollen and looking at her, leaned there, he needs some relief from it "Please..." he smiles his hand resting on her hip, she hesitantly allows him to trail his hand slowly over her stomach.   
  
He drops it lower, he's pushing the boundaries now, trying to find her clit. He does with some expert ease and she flinches as he rubs against it with his fingers. She's really unsure about how far to let him go with this, it feels too soon even to be doing this. But the combination of the water and his fingers it makes her moan out loud, even if she told herself she wasn't going to do that .  
  
"Oh...Clay!" she frowns, placing her hand against his, holding it and stopping him doing anything "Sorry...no! No, I can't"

"Okay ! Really. it's okay!" he leans in and drops a kiss on to her mouth. He has to admit, that under the surface, he's disappointed. But he respects her wishes to stop.   
  
As he kisses her she works her lips free and starts kissing down his chest, working her way down his stomach forcing him back against the glass panel and now she draws patterns with her tongue on his abs, before she kneels down in front of him.  
  
She looks up cupping her hand around his balls, his cock firm in front of her mouth. Her eyes asking him if he wants her to do this.  
  
"Oh yeah!" his response. He doesn't need to be asked twice, and anyway it's obvious from his stance that he wants this. Teasing his cock forward towards her lips as she caresses it in her hand. He fingers wrapping around his butt and down the outer muscles of his thigh, before bringing it back up inside of his leg and stopping at his ever so, swollen balls sack. She gently grasps at it massaging the contents

"Oh!....Oh Kelsey!! Oh yeahhhh!" He smiles, tempting her again to take him "Please!" Now he almost begs, desperate he is for some relief. His hands tangled in her wet hair, fisting and pulling at her as she licks her tongue around the swollen and ready head of his dick, before trailing her tongue down along the full length. She squeezes gently, at the soft of his balls., teasing him too much now.

He keeps nudging his cock against her lips, desperately willing her to part them and allow him access to the warmth of her mouth. Then suddenly and without warning he gets what he wants. She takes all of him, deep into her throat, her tongue massaging along the length of the hardness.   
  
_Oh fuck!!_ He groans closing his eyes. The warm soft feels totally amazing. Her wet hair brushing against his thigh, it's texture against his skin gives a world of different stimulation .

Closing his eyes, he leans back, butt pressed on the glass door, watching the spray from the shower dance along her spine while she continues to mouth at his cock. To which he makes continuous, loud, groaning noises.   
  
As he gets close and closer to the peak of his orgasm, her sucking and working her tongue around his shaft makes him whimper loudly, interspersing it with cuss words.  
  
_Mmmm... oh fuck!_ "Oh, that feels _sooo _good!"

She closes his eyes tight and concentrate her efforts. She can tell this isn't going to take long now and she wraps her hand around his thigh.   
  
He too knows this won't take long now. The feel of her body against him, her hands wrapped tightly holding his thighs, pulling his body back and forward towards her, while she sucks at him slurping and groaning. Taking all of him deeper and more readily and more needily.   
  
Then with the water pouring over her head she bobs up and down between his legs. He looks down at her watching, unable to breath properly, right on the edge just about to cum   
  
"_Oh oh!!! Ohhhhhh yes....yes, baby girl!"_ he screams out loud as he forces himself against her. She steadies herself, embracing his movement. He wraps her hair tight around his hand then in two quick thrust to the back of her throat he enjoys the last few moments of private pleasure between then _"Oh Kelsey!! Yeah....I'm gonna cum!!!"_   
  
He tugs at her hair and thrusting deep just one more time this time he shoots his warm creamy load into the back of her throat   
  
"Oh yeah!!!" he sighs with heavy breath as she laps up the last of him. Then he's finished, wrung out, his strength is sapped, and he closes his eyes.

Washing her face and hair under the shower water. Then wiping the water off looking at him not moving "Like that did we?" she smiles  
  
_Mmmm Hmm!_ He takes her head in his hands kissing her, tasting his own saltiness on her tongue. She sighs, pressing herself against him, what they just did, it really turned her on. The feeling takes her somewhat by surprise. As until now, her sexual needs had been the last things on her mind. But so much she wanted the closeness this precious together brought, that she didn't realize just how much she'd also enjoyed it .

Having alone time, just him and her, it was nice, and she was yearning for more. She couldn't wait till they could do things properly, to have him inside her body again.   
  
This was about comfort about being together, but now maybe she ached for something more and she knew it wouldn't be long before they could make love, fully, again and be at one with each other

But...this had given her some confidence back in her body. Confidence that even her now changed body still managed to turn Clay on. She sighs thinking that soon things would start to heal and now at least, she knew she would still want him inside her again.  
  
She focuses now as he turns off the water and steps out of the shower. Tying one of the white towels around his waist he then holds out a larger one to wrap her in, she could feel a glow about herself and she was still turned on. Her body actually ached for him, a frustration at knowing she would have to wait a while before full intercourse was something her body was ready for. But still getting turned on was a start. And she smiles as he wraps her in the fluffy towel.

He leans forward with a huge satisfied grin on his face. He kisses her, wrapping her up, holding her tight in the towel. Wiping the wet from her shoulders. With the toweling fabric around her body she can feel an ache in her breasts now it's then that she notices they're leaking   
  
"oh shit!" she looks down at them. Slightly embarrassed, she hurriedly covers them up.

"Hey, Kelsey... it's fine. Don't worry " Clay smiles, kissing her " you know we definitely have to schedule more Mommy and Daddy time, I think"

_Hmm! _She smiles her hand finding its way under his towel, she gently fondles at his, now soft, parts. They're over sensitive, right now and he flinches against her touch. And while they won't fully arouse there is some potential movement there   
  
"We'll see!" she smiles as she teases him running her tongue over her lips "So.... you gonna make me some breakfast then?"


	28. You have to go!

Clay spreads the butter on to his toast. He smiles as he turns around watching as she pours some of the coffee from the jug into her cup. His eyes wander all over her body as she stands there. Dressed only in one of his grey tee shirts, her pert round ass just peaking out from under the hem as she moves.   
  
Still smiling he can't resist it and wrapping his arms around her waist, kissing gently against her neck as his hands works their way down her back to the curves of her butt. He kneads at it softly which makes her smile   
  
"Clay careful, you'll spill my coffee"

_Mmmm!_ He groans pushing himself against her "I don't care. You are beautiful, do you know that" 

"Okay, I'll let you off" placing the cup down she turns back to him, wrapping her arms around his neck, placing her lips against his as they kiss. She smiles, looking him in the eyes while she strokes her hand gently against his face.

"So... what'd ya wanna do today?"he can't stop staring or feeling her warm flesh beneath the tee shirt.

" I don't know. We need to do some laundry, I know exciting,right." she laughs " and um... I did say we'd take Alex for some lunch. I thought it might be good for you two to get to know each other a bit better. I... I also wanted to go and speak with the guy, Tony...something, at the gym. One of the other mothers there, in the baby class, she recommended him. She said she used him when she had her first baby, to help get her fitness and figure back. So I thought if I'm seriously gonna think about going back to work then I need to get a plan in place"

_Mmmm hmm!_ Clay partially dismisses the comment as he turns away, picking up the slice of toast and eating it "So um... just out of curiosity, what does Alex think about you going back to the navy? Does he have an opinion on it?"

"Not really" she shrugs "All he said was that I should do it, if it's what I want"

"Oh okay, so, he was for it then? " he frowns at her as he takes a bite from the buttered bread. She doesn't answer but wonders what he's trying to get at with the question. She frowns then, using her thumb, wipes the greasy butter from his lip and kisses him again. 

He smiles, stroking her hair back from her shoulder he looks her deep in the eyes. "Look, do you mind if I um...if I give the lunch a miss? I'm not sure about it and I need to go to the base and get something I left behind, but hey... you can still go. How about, you feed Casey then leave another bottle, just in case, then I could have him while you go. You could grab some time to yourself "

"Really?" She looks at him frowning "And you're happy to do that?"

"Yeah..." he shrugs "yeah sure. I mean I can take him to the base with me, I only need to grab a couple of things from my cage. I might even get Sonny to come over, keep me company"

"Okay" She smiles. Biting her lip nervously she wonders if to take advantage of his seemingly good mood this morning and broach the subject about going back to the UK again   
  
"So um.... I was thinking, about what Alex said, you know about clearing my flat out and going back with him. I mean, I'm not sure about going so soon but it might be a good idea to have someone with me. The only problem is, we ...we do need to get Casey a passport. I um...I looked into it and it's easier if you do it. There's an office here in Virginia Beach, but that takes around two to three weeks, but from what I read, online, there's an expedited service and it can come in twenty-four to forty eight hours"

"Wow!" he frowns as he looks at her "You've already looked into this? But why the rush?"

"No reason. I..I just wasn't sure what we had to do and when Alex said he'd help me with the airport, well I looked it up"

"Yeah, well Alex seems to have a lot to say. You always listen to him?" Clay's tone changes at the mention of Alex's name

"No, but..." she sighs "Clay, what's wrong? " she frowns at him "Look, why can't you just try and get along with him, he's not going to be here long. Just make an effort, for me?"

He takes a deep breath in as he looks at her "I'm sorry but...I just don't like him. If I'm honest I think he's cocky and arrogant, full of himself, and he's too much all over you"

"Clay don't be ridiculous" she frowns "He's not _too much_, we're friends that's all. Clay, please... just try. He's my best friend and he's always been there for me, since we were kids"

"And you've never been tempted, for more with him, than just friends?"

"More?" she frowns "No...no not really. Oh, we um... we kissed once but it was a long time ago" she swallows her lie "But it wasn't to be, we decided friends was better. That's not the point though. Clay, there's nothing between us in that way"

"So, why's he your best friend?"

"Why? What? Are you serious. I don't know, I guess when my parents died he was just...well there. His family lived next door to my Aunt and we both shared a love of the military. We used to talk about it for hours. Clay please come to the lunch. Then you'll see, he's not a bad guy. Just try... for me. You were tired last night and I'm sure if you got to know him, then you'd get on. You're both very similar" she laughs

"I don't want to get to know him" he answers bluntly, anxiously biting his lip while he watches her "He wants you, that much is obvious. He wants this, what we've got, he wants it. He told me"

"He told you... told you what?" she laughs "Yeah, he wants a family, he told me that. That's why he's changing career, he doesn't want it with me though. He knows I'm with you" she places her against his cheek reassuring him "He was the one told me to get in contact with you, about Casey. He wouldn't do that if he wanted me, would he?"

"Look I'd rather you didn't go back with him that's all and.." taking hold of her hand that's on his cheek "Kelsey, I... I want you to ask him to leave. He ...he said he'd go, if you asked him. So, I want you to ask him. It's not like we need him here anymore"

"What!?" she takes a step back, moving away she looks at him confused "Clay you're not serious? What when he's been helping me, while you were away, now you want me to ask him to go?"

"Yeah .. yeah I am. I mean it was good of him, that he helped, brought your stuff over, but I'm here now and that's my job to look after you both. I promise, I'm gonna step up and do my bit, with Casey. I'll be here to help you and I'm gonna start to listen. Look, I know I've been a bit full on, about the baby stuff but.. I got this and we really don't need him. So, will you tell him, today, to go?"

"Seriously?" she bites her lip, her eyes already welling with tears "You seriously want me to do this? Clay, I don't understand. What did he do? Did he say something?" she frowns

"No, no nothing, it's just ..." he sighs "look if you wanna know, I just don't trust him. I can't help it, but he makes me uncomfortable around you and Casey"

"Uncomfortable? " she still frowning as she takes a breath, trying to understand"No, no I'm not going to ask him to leave. Clay, just get to know him, make an effort with him. I know you can get on if you would just try"

"I can't!" he's staring at her " I'm sorry but he has to go!"

"Clay... please! I feel like you're making me choose here"

"Yeah, well sorry but maybe I am."

She wipes a tear from her cheek as she frowns. She unsure why he's being so stubborn about this "Clay don't. We just ... well last night. it was great. Don't spoil it"

"Sorry, I didn't want it to come to this but need to protect us... and I need to protect my son"

"Protect your son? What from Alex. He loves that boy. This is madness." She stares at him in disbelief "What you think he's trying to steal your son because he offered to carry some bags at the airport. Oh, jeez Clay, grow up! You know men and women can be friends without sex, you know that right?" the tears flow down her cheeks and she wipes her nose on her hand "Clay..."

"I'm sorry I know it sounds ridiculous but I can't help it. I'm... I'm worried. He takes you thousands of miles away and...well you won't come back. That he'll offer you more than I can and I won't see my son again, and I can't risk that"

"Clay, c'mon..." she puts her hands to his cheeks looking him directly in the eyes, then places her lips against his she kisses him "..it's not like that. I told you, there isn't anything between us, not like that. Clay it's you I want, you and Casey...here. I just need to sort things out over there. My flat and job stuff" She kisses him again "that's all. Of course, I'm gonna come back and anyway..." She wipes her face turning around and pouring more coffee "there's no guarantee, that even if I ask him, he'll leave. Not if him and Mandy are ... well you know. I mean I can't force him to go."

"No but you can tell him we don't want him here. That you don't need him around. I don't really see what the problem is. If you really do care about us then you'd do this."

She takes a breath "Okay..." she nods "Okay, so that's what you want? Okay fine!" she wipes the tears off her cheeks "Then I'll tell him to go." she looks at her watch "Look, I'm gonna get dressed, Casey will be waking up soon"

_ Oh shit!!_ Clay sighs running his fingers through his curls wondering if he's done the right thing or if its a step too far making her choose like that.

**o-o-o-o-o**

She stands in the bedroom doing up the clip on her bra, sobbing quietly to herself. Whilst she knows Clay's probably right, Alex should go home. The thought of not seeing him, him not being here with her. It hurts.  
  
She looks up as Casey starts to cry "Hey baby!.... Shhh!" she smiles picking him up in her arms and rocking him side to side "Let's get you dressed, yeah"

**o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Hey Sonny...." Clay's on the phone " so you wanna come hang out for a while. Kelsey's going out and I um... I have a few errands I need to run but thought we might talk." he leaves the message and hangs up as Kelsey appears in the doorway after she finishes feeding Casey.

Clay's sat on the couch, the TV is on but he's working on the laptop. She passes the sleeping baby to his arms and sits herself beside him. 

"So, what're you doing?" she frowns looking at the computer screen "What's that?"

"Oh um... I was um... looking at apartments. You know, a two bedroom. I think we can afford one, especially if you do go back to work"

"Really?" she smiles apprehensively " So what brought this on?"

"I don't know, but this one isn't gonna be big enough right? I mean, he's gonna grow fast, he needs a room and we're gonna need some .. some privacy for more Mummy and daddy time" He smiles leaning over caressing her neck "So figured, we need to start planning, for the future"

"Yeah!" she nods taking hold of his arm and leaning against him. "Yeah, I suppose. Look, we don't have to rush things though. And um.. you know I was thinking, you're right. I will ask Alex to go. He doesn't need to be here now"

"Really?" Clay smiles putting Casey into his baby seat on the floor "You mean that?" he has a broad grin on his face and leans in and kisses her, stroking his hand up her thigh.

"Yeah really! And you can stop that right now!" she smiles removing his hand "I told you, you have to wait!"

"I know" he smiles as he kisses her again " Look, Sonny's gonna come over" he leans forward stroking Casey's chin "I...I thought I might go put that passport application in. If it's gonna take a few weeks"

"Okay.." she frown "Yeah, I guess there's no hurry "

He stroked her face and leans her back against the couch stroking her hair kissing her lips "Kelsey, everything's gonna be fine. We've got this right!"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

"So, what are you having to eat?" She smiles across the table seeing Alex chatting to the waitress "Hey Alex focus! Food!" She laughs kicking him under the table "Concentrate.... on the menu!"

" I was concentrating. On you!"

"Alex stop it. What food are you having?"

"Oooo let me see, I think I'll steak sandwich grill. You know it's a shame Clay didn't wanna come, I thought we were just getting along so well"

_Hmmm!_ She smiles awkwardly "Yeah, me too. But he was tired after the op you know, and Casey had us up all night. But it's good that he wanted to have Casey while I came and he's embracing the bottle idea a bit more now so ... things are looking good!"

"Okay what is it?" he frowns at her

"What? Nothing." she frowns drinking her water.

"I said what is it? C'mon Kelsey. I can hear from your voice, you're on pins. So spill it!"

She sighs and drinks some more water looking at him as she bites her lip nervously "Alex..." she stares at him "You need to go home. This .. this is not going to work out with you being here" She anxiously sips at the water again.

He stares nodding at her "This him? Clay, he asked you to do this?"

"It doesn't matter.." she sighs "he's right. I can't have you here around us ....Alex you know why. I wish you hadn't said the things you did. Did what you did the other day"

"_What I_ did! Yeah right, well I didn't see you resist much"

"Alex don't. Okay maybe some of it was my fault but that's why you can't be here. You're a distraction and I don't need it. I was weak, low. Hell..." she laughs "I don't know which day of the week it is at the moment. I can't stop crying over the stupidest things. I just ... I'm sorry" She puts her hand across the table, taking his in hers "I love you so much Alex. I always will and you know that, but I can't have you come between me and Clay. We have Casey now, and I have to think about him. I have to grow up. This thing that we do it has potential to hurt people now and I can't do that."

"So, what about you? About what you want, or doesn't that not matter to Clay"

"Alex..." she sighs "It's not about what I want. Oh god, we both know we don't want to be together. It's just a stupid game we play when we can't have each other. It was fine before, when things didn't matter but they do now. Casey .. his needs and wants come first"

"Really and so that's why you're gonna go back in the Navy, right? Because you're putting his needs first"

"Alex!" she looks at him angrily "I don't know yet if I am going back"

"But you made an appointment see your CO?!"

"What? How... how the hell did you know that?" she frowns

"I spoke to him. I know him. Your CO we're old friends"

"Have you been checking up on me?" she frowns staring at him across the table "What the hell! No...no, this has to stop! Alex, you need to go home!"

"Is that Clay telling me..." he laughs " or you?"

"It's me! It's me telling you, go home Alex! You know what..." she sighs ".. I don't want lunch now. I need to go" She gets up taking her bag and jacket from the chair "Casey will need feeding soon, I need to get back. I shouldn't have come"

"Kelsey c'mon, stay for lunch. Look I'm sorry but... he sighs " you want me Kelsey, I know you do. This won't be enough. He won't be enough.

"Shut your mouth! I don't wanna hear it. Clay's everything. He's kind, sensitive and he's great dad for Casey"

"Really .. we'll see. All those long lonely nights when he's away. Basically you'll be a single parent. You'll be looking for more and then you'll come back."

"Oh, Alex get over yourself. You know your ego sometimes". She sighs "What you think you click your fingers and I'll come running. I won't. I'm happy here. It's where I want to be"

"You were jealous though weren't you? I saw it with Amy... and definitely with Mandy" he smiles "You hated the thought of me bedding Mandy"

"Did you?" she frowns "Did you sleep with her?"

"Yeah... yeah I did. You know, I wasn't going to but then I thought about you being with Clay and I thought why the hell not" He looks at her as she frowns at him "But you know what ... the whole time I was fucking her I keep imaging it's you"

"Alex..stop it!! Just stop it! Jesus Christ listen to yourself. It's not gonna happen" she sighs "I'm going"

"You know Kelsey, he's not gonna let you go back to the navy and he's already cutting you off from things. Making me go back that's just the start"

"No...no I'll have you know he said we could talk through a family care plan and he's looking at a bigger flat. He's making a future which includes me going back to the Navy!"

"So, was I ... I was making plans. The recruitment training job. I was doing that for you. So, I could be home so you could go back to the ship if you wanted"

She bites her lip "I never asked you to do that Alex"

"Kelsey we spent nearly six months together. I felt like Casey.. like it was my baby. I thought we were gonna be together "

"Alex, you knew ... you knew how I felt about Clay. That I wanted to see him" She frowns at him trying to work him out "Why didn't you say all this before? Why wait until now... I'll tell you why the same reason when you got married and I couldn't bear it. You don't want me making a life without you. We need to grow up Alex, we can't do this"   
  
She puts her jacket on and leaves the table "I'm sorry ... but really you need to go home. I can't see you anymore" she grinds he teeth tears rolling down her face "Sorry I need to go!"

"Hey, you don't mean this. Kelsey...please! Okay, I'll back off, just ... just don't cut me out" He wraps his arms around her

"I'm sorry Alex" she pushes his arms from her waist "I can't do this and I can't watch you tear Clay apart when I know it won't work between us. Thank you for what you did but it really is time you went home."

"This was my life! It's him that's taken it. It wasn't his" he sighs rubbing his head " He was just a fuckin' sperm donor"

"Alex stop!" she looks at him furiously "Stop it, right now!" She looks around the restaurant trying not to make a scene "Look, don't do this!" 

She wipe the tears from her face as he grabs at her head kissing her "Kelsey please!"

"No!" she pulls away from "No, Alex go home. I'm sorry!" With that she looks at him one more time and then she's gone. 

Out in the street her emotions bubble over and she stands waiting for a cab sobbing into her hand.


	29. What I know about women

"So, what the hell you doin' there Clay?" Sonny frowns watching him from where he's laid on the couch. Flat on his back, legs up on the arm at the end. The TV is on and he can see the screen over the top of the tiny bundle of baby Casey, who's laid fast asleep, on his chest.   
He has one of his hands on his back holding him tight against him and the other on a bottle of beer on the floor.

As he picks it up, about to take a sip he stops. His is attention focused by Clay calling across to him "Hey Sonny ..."Clay frowns "Brother, don't drink that around him"

"Oh hell... yeah man. Sorry. I didn't mean... yeah of course I didn't think" he stands the bottle down checking Casey's okay. He wriggles against him, but he stays asleep.

"Here give him to me" Clay sighs looking up from the laptop.

"No! No, Clay he's fine. Just leave him, he's sleepin man. I'll leave the beer, okay. I got this" Sonny smiles looking down at the tiny baby lying against his chest "You know he's great, a right little bruiser. Ya see his hands, I mean for the size of his body. He gonna be a fighter, a champion. Make a great seal one day, and Uncle Sonny gonna teach ya everything he knows"  
  
Clay frowns. He sighs laughing to himself as he watches Sonny interacting with his son. Sonny gently unravels Casey's fingers from the tight little fists he's making while he sleeps. He smiles as he looks at each tiny digit and then looks up at Clay. He's still doing paperwork and working on at the laptop   
  
"So, I said what are you doin? I thought you wanted to hang out and chill, but you've been on there since I got here. What's goin' on?"

"Nothing" Clay looks up and then away avoiding Sonny's gaze while he thinks what to say.

"Alright wass goin on? You lookin' shifty there. My spidey senses sayin' somethin aint right, so spill it"

"Look ....don't say anything but, I'm ... I'm getting an expedited passport for Casey. There's this website, can process it in a couple of days"

"And what the hell do you need a passport that damn quick fa, you going somewhere?"

"No!" he takes a breath "No, I'm not but, well... Kelsey's talking about going back to the UK"

"Okay. Okay so he needs a passport. I'm still not buyin it and I thought she couldn't fly for couple weeks, anyhow. So how soon she goin ?"

"I don't know if she is yet but...." He sighs "Look Sonny, that Alex he's, well he's been suggesting she go back with him, in the next week or so. When he leaves. So, he can help her at the airport"

"And you have a problem with that?" Sonny frowns as Clay stays silent. He looks at him sheepishly and Sonny's concerned "Clay, what the hell's goin on?" He frowns watching him "Okay what have you done?"

"Nothin, we kinda..." Clay sighs "I um... I told her, to tell him to go. Told her I didn't want him here."

Sonny puts his hands over Casey's ears "Shit Clay! That's a hellava dumb move, right there" sitting himself up, still holding the tiny baby against him with one of his large hands. Casey hardly notices he's moved and stays asleep. Sonny sighs, staring across the room at Clay "Givin' her ultimatums, that's not a good look. I told ya before, just leave it, he'll be gone soon enough under his own steam"

"I know, I guess I should've. I know that now and yeah, she was kinda mad about it but, well he just winds me up so much. He said some things last night and...well I couldn't help it"

"So whats this gotta do getting, Champ here his passport?"

"Well..." Clay sighs anxiously "I figured if I had his passport I can be sure she can't take him, well not anywhere without tellin me. Like if I get spun up say."

"What?!" Sonny frowns staring at him in surprise "So wait... you are gonna tell her, you got the passport, right?"

"Well um... yeah, just...just not straight away. Well, not till Alex is gone then I'll tell her. I'll just say it took a couple weeks to come."

"Oh, Clay man.." he sighs "I gotta tell ya, I got a bad feelin' about this. I mean this is kinda lyin and one thing I do know is woman tend to hate a lie"

"Look Sonny, she knows you can get one online in couple days, I didn't want her going this route. She can be pretty impulsive at times. I didn't want her to have the option to go back with him"

"Clay, I really don't know about this man. I think it'd be better to be straight up with her, know what I mean. Secrets, lies they ... well they don't usually end well"  
  
"Yeah well ...I'm sorting a bit of a deal sweetener. I figured we'd look at a new apartment" he sighs as he sees the concerned frown Sonny gives him" Look, if she's concentrating on a new place she's not gonna worry about going back so much right? Plus, if she feels more like it's a home she chose she won't wanna give it up, and then maybe, all the talk of going back to work. Well, she might not push that so much either"

"Well I like to see you've fully thought the consequences of this through carefully, before you acted" Sonny sighs "Oh Clay man... brother be careful here"   
  
He moves Casey to the crook of his arm, then he takes his hat off rubbing his head. He really wants the beer that's standing on the floor, but decides he'll leave it, preferring to hold Casey. He leans back against the couch as he takes a moment to think more seriously about what Clay's telling him. He sighs "You know, my advice, for what it's worth. Brother, don't push her too much, women in my experience tend to bite back when you piss them off"

"Yeah I'm aware of that, but Sonny I need him gone. Getting rid of that arrogant jerk is first priority" Clay closes the laptop and gathers his paperwork together.

"So, you finished that then, what now? You wanna go hang out somewhere?"

"Um... well that was kinda the other thing, I wanted your help with. See, I have an appointment, with the lawyer. The one I told you about. Will you come with me, you can keep an eye on him while I talk?"

"Oh, jeez Clay! This just gets better n better you really know how to make yourself Mr Unpopular don'tcha"

"Look Sonny, I just wanna be sure they can't take him"

Sonny sighs looking at Casey, his tiny eyes open and looks up at him. "Ya know your daddy, he gonna get himself in a whole heap of trouble." He smiles at the baby "Guess Uncle Sonny needs to supervise him, right?" Casey's watching as Sonny talks to him, then he yawns. "Yeah you think so too. Your mommy gonna be real mad when she finds out, and then we gonna have to watch when she whoops your daddy's as.... behind, you know that. Yeah."   
  
He sighs again looking at Clay "Okay, but I want you to know before we go anywhere, I think you goin' about this all wrong, but... if this what you think is right then, also know I got ya six no matter what. So just do what you wanna do"

"Um...I'm glad you got my six cos well, we also need to do laundry! I kinda said we would"

"Ahh! Now see, women I'm not so good with, but laundry... laundry I can do." he smiles

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Hey!" Kelsey looks up at the sound of the apartment door opening. She frowns "Oh my god, where the hell have you been?"

"Hi!" Clay smiles kissing her as he and Sonny push the buggy back through the doorway "Yeah um... sorry about that. I meant to call ya but."

"Sonny" she nods acknowledging him "So? I said where have you been?"

Sonny awkwardly looks at Clay looking for him to lead on the version of events he wants to tell her "Um..." he holds up the large bag. ".. laundry and then we went for a bit of a stroll, get some air. Lost track of the time" He frowns looking to Sonny to confirm what he says. Which he nods and in so doing, much to his reluctance, means he participates in the lie.

"Oh okay!" She smiles, "Really? You went and did the washing, that's great" she kisses his cheek "Thank you and thanks Sonny for helping him with that. Great way to spend your day off, right?"

"Oh um... yeah no problem ma'am" Sonny smiles "You know, I'm taking this little guy with me again, to the launderette, he's a right lady magnet. I bagged me two cell numbers from hot chicks, cleaning their smalls cos they thought we looked cute. I mean they're right he is so damn cute; I might get myself one" He laughs

Kelsey frowns "What a baby?"

"Yeah .. I mean if they get me the ladies, then why not"

"I kinda think you need the lady first Sonny!" Clay frowns as he laughs

Kelsey laughs as Clay follows her into the kitchen. He wraps his arms around her waist kissing her neck "You okay?"

_"Mmmm hmmm_" she nods as she washes the few dirty dishes in the sink.

"So, how did lunch go?" he frowns as he notices the half-eaten sandwich next to her on the countertop "You still hungry?"

"You know, I wasn't um... feeling very hungry at the restaurant so didn't have much. I actually came back early, needed a lie down. I didn't realise you were going out for so long. Did you go and get his passport?" she frowns watching him

"Um.. .you know I forgot to take mine, it's at the base and I didn't get chance to go get it. It took us long enough to work the laundry out. I'll go another day. How was Alex?" he asks quickly changing the subject.

"Yeah, yeah he was okay."

Clay looks around watching as Sonny lifts the now crying Casey from his buggy. "Hey little buddy, my gorgeous boy tell Uncle Sonny what's the matter. What you heard your Mommy, you wanna see her" He smiles. The smile quickly changes to a frown as he sniffs "Hey Clay! Um...you know, he don't smell so good" Sonny dangles him in the air, holding him without stretched arms away from his body "Oh man! That is bad. How the hell can something so small make that kinda smell"

Clay laugh "Yeah! He's actually worse than your feet Sonny and that's sayin something. I'll get the bag; he'll need a diaper change"

Kelsey smiles watching them both trying to organize to get Casey changed. Sonny grimacing and retching at the smell. " I'm just going to the bathroom. I guess he'll be ready for a feed soon?"

"You know I can give him a bottle if you want ?" Clay looks up from where he has Casey undressed on the floor.

"No, I'm fine to do it. I could do with a bit of time with him. Thanks though"

"Okay" he frowns wondering what might be wrong "Kelsey, you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be back in a minute just need the toilet. You okay with that?"

Clay sighs watching her as she leaves the room before turning his attention back to his son "Alright, let's get you changed little man" Clay holds his breath as he lays Casey on the padded mat as he undoes his diaper.   
  
Sonny gasps taking a deep breath in "Oh lord" he frowns "You know what man.. I'm gonna get off give you um... you two some space. Plus... well diapers, they not my department" He smiles.   
  
Clay looks up and nods as Sonny continues to frown, his stomach queasy as he watches how Clay copes with the diaper "You know, how 'bout say we meet up, later. Sink a few beers at the bar with the guys, play some pool,"

"Um... yeah " Clay frowns as he looks at the bathroom doorway "You know, I'll text you, let you know for sure later. I just wanna check everything's okay first. Sonny wanted to say, thanks for earlier, coming with me"

"You' okay I just hope what you did, it settles your mind, and this blows over. Just take care man. Hey and Clay...you gotta good thing goin' on here, don't go spoilin it"

"I won't" Clay smiles as he finishes dressing Casey. Scooping him up into his arms and holding him against his chest.

"Okay...well, I'll catch ya later. KELSEY..." He calls out, unsure if she can hear him ". SEES YA SOON HONEY!" there's no reply and as Clay waits by the door to see him out Sonny leans in and kisses Casey on the cheek "See ya later Champ! Hey and you...Beer, later. Text me!"

Clay smiles then takes Casey and heads to the bedroom. Kelsey's sat on the bed, leaned against the headboard and Clay smiles as he sits down next to her. "Kelsey are you okay? You um....you seemed a little quiet in the kitchen. Something happen at lunch?"

"Nothing. It was fine I told you".

"You wanna feed him?" he passes Casey from his arm so hers. She smiles, holding him tight to her chest, cuddling him close and then she unclips her bra. Clay's next to her as she begins to feed him and he strokes his finger on Casey cheek as he sucks. 

She sighs, leaning back relaxing "I missed him today" she smiles "Been the first time I've not had him with me and it felt slightly odd"

"Hmm! Yeah I bet. Hey, something worrying you. You seem a little.. well distant"

"No... no," she sighs "Oh I guess, I've just been trying to imagine what it would be like, not being here, with you, with him. If say I did go back to the ship."

"Well I guess it will be tough, at the start but ... hey, you're tough right, we'll get through it. I'm sure you'll be fine. Look, Kelsey it's a way off yet so don't worry. Come here!" He pulls her body towards his and kisses the top of her head and she leans herself against him as they sit quiet and Casey feeds.

Clay's silent. He's thinking wondering how to broach the subject of Alex and lunch. Then finally he has to know and he can't leave it "So, how'd lunch go, really?"

"You don't really wanna know how my lunch was, do you?" she laughs " What you mean is, did I tell Alex to go home" She takes a deep breath and frowns at him, as much as she feels like doing it she won't let herself cry. "Well, if you really wanna know . Then yeah, yeah I told him. I told him to go!" She sniffs, wiping her face before turning her attention back to Casey at her breast.

"Hey I'm sorry, alright. If I known it was gonna upset you like this then.... "

"Then what? It's what you wanted right? For him to go"

"Yeah" he can't lie, and he nods "Yeah I did. So, is he gonna,.. go?"

She sniffs again as she takes a breath adjusting Casey's position "I don't know but knowing Alex, probably not. One thing he doesn't like, is being told what to do. You know I think I might, bath him after his. Perhaps get an early night. What you think?"

"Um...yeah um...well actually do you mind... I was um... you know Sonny he wanted to get a couple of beers, at the bar, with the guys. I mean I don't have to go"

"_Mm hmm_ ...Sonny's idea?" she nods "Well, yeah sure. Go for it! I'll just have a bath and get an an early night, like I said. It's only fair, as you had him most of the day"

"Okay, but you're sure, you don't mind?"

"No! No, it's fine. Just don't be too late, okay. I miss you when you're not here"

o-o-o-o-o

She opens her eyes and checks the time on her watch it's been at least thirty minutes and Casey's now asleep at her breast. She smiles. She lays him to sleep in his crib and decides she'll use the quiet time to take a shower.

When she comes out, wrapped in a towel she checks, and Casey's still sleeping. She strokes his cheek gently, touching at his tiny hand letting out a long, tired sigh and then she leaves the baby and wanders through to the living room. 

The TVs on but Clay's in the kitchen, cooking. "Hey!" she smiles "What you doin? I thought you were going out?"

"Oh, hey look, I'm just making you some pasta before I go. You didn't get much for lunch, so I figured you should eat something"

"Really?" she leans on the countertop smiling at him as he forks some of the pasta into her mouth _Mmmm!_ "That's quiet nice. You know, you're turning into the perfect sort of house husband" she smiles

"Oh really" he comes around her side of the breakfast bar, standing behind her. Then he works his hand up her thighs and over her butt under the towel "You want me to show you my other house husband skills" 

She smiles turning around to face him her hands clasps around his neck as he leans forward to kiss her. _Mmmm_ "You know I'd love to take you up on that offer but.. you know I can't, not yet" 

"Yeah how's that going... we getting any closer to me .. showing my skills"

"Soon, Mr Impatient" she smiles kissing him. She laughs, she can feel the hard in the front of his pants as he press himself against her 

"You know we could um... well you know"

"No, I just had a shower and if I heard you on the phone correctly you're meeting Sonny. So, I hold on to that offer, make it an incentive for you to come home earlier"

"Oh, please...c'mon" _Mmmm! _He closes his eyes pulling at the front of her towel. She clasps it to her chest.

"Clay...Spenser...stop it!" she smiles.

_Mmmm!_ "Okay" he kisses her neck and as he wraps her arms around his neck he takes the chance he has and pulls at the towel until he has it undone. _Mmmmm!_ He moans as he very gently caresses her breast and then his hand follows a line down her stomach, across her hip before wrapping her tight in his arms

"Clay...just go!" she smiles at him

"You sure? I mean you really want me to go?"

"No! But you told Sonny you'd see him there. You know, I don't want them all thinking I have you under the thumb" she laughs

I don't care what they think. But I won't long, promise. Not with this on offer" He smiles as he strokes his hand over the soft roundness of her butt. 

"Whatever!" She laughs.   
  
He picks the towel up , wrapping it around her up the towel _Mmmmm!_ "You are gorgeous you know that. Oh and hey, I left a couple of apartments we could look at saved on the laptop, if you wanna take a look later?" He kisses her, his tongue finding hers, her hands wrapped in his hair "You know perhaps I should stay here? You promise stay like for when I get back!" 

"She laughs, kissing him again "I'm not promising anything. Just don't be too long" she smiles teasingly "Clay... just go!"


	30. Just go!

"Oh heck! What the hell's he doin here" Sonny's sigh is long, regretful and padded with a tone of annoyance. He frowns, his head furrowed with deep set lines. Watching as Alex enters the bar, arm in arm, laughing and joking with Mandy.

"Who?" Ray turns around to see what's causing his sidekick to huff and puff so much"Oh Alex, yeah I told him to come, have a beer with us. Why, there a problem with that?"

"Yeah ... yeah you could say there's a problem with that!" Sonny sips rapidly at his bottle of beer. His face contorts, the lines deepen, and he stares much more sternly at Alex. Watching intently as Jason waves them over to their table where he and Trent are sat relaxing.

_Shit!_ "That's all we need!" he makes another drawn out sigh through his teeth. Taking his hat off he rubs at his head, wondering what he should do now.

"Hey, what's going on?" Ray cocks his eyebrow as he checks the concern on Sonny's face "You got a problem with Alex? You know you need to give him a chance, cos he's really nice guy. Intelligent and a smart sense of humor that you of all people should get"

"Yeah that as maybe but...well I'm not the problem" he sighs again. Raising a hand to the barman he orders another beer "You want one?"

"Um...yeah sure" Ray's trying to get a read on Sonny's reaction "So, what's the problem with him then?"

"Clay... Clay's the problem and, the fact I asked him to come meet us for a beer " His sigh is loud as he picks at the corner of the paper label on the bottle in his hand "Figured it might do him some good, get out for a bit, back to reality with the team. You know all those sleepless nights; he's starting to get a little rattled around the edges"

"How so?" Ray leans back in his chair, his gaze switching between Sonny's face and watching the others chatting across the room "Sonny c'mon man, why's Clay got a problem with Alex? I mean, I thought he and Kelsey were friends"

"Yeah and that's the problem" Sonny wipes his hand over his beard scratching his chin "Clay thinks he's too much of a _friend_. Something was said between them last night and now he's got one hellva problem with him." He bites his lip anxiously " Look um... I kinda shouldn't be saying this, but what the hell. Clay thinks Alex is trying to take Kelsey back to the UK, with him. He um... he thinks he wants to keep her there, that he's got feelin's for her. I told the kid it's all in his head, but you know Goldilocks, once he starts stewin' on somethin he won't let it go."

"What?" Ray's face seems stuck in a constant loop of questioning looks "Alex wants to get with Kelsey. No man, I mean if that was true he'd have done it when they were over there, right? She'd have never come back here. Would she? Not if they wanted to be together. No Clay's reading too much into nothin'. Brother you gotta talk to him"

"I dunno man, but what I do know is Clay's got himself in one hellva state over it" he coughs, hushing his voice "He um... he went and saw a lawyer today. No, no cool ya jets, just ta find out his rights, with the baby. See if she's allowed to take him overseas without his consent"

"What? Oh man, a lawyer... Sonny, you serious. And so, can she, I mean, take him or he can he stop her? Is that even a real thing, I mean she is his mom after all"

"Well yeah actually, according to the lawyer he can. She can't just take him. Casey's a US citizen and without Clay's permission she can't .The um ... lawyers gonna draft him sum kinda permission letter"

"Wait what? How the hell do you know this?"

Sonny takes a long breath then sips from his beer, he daren't even look at Ray "Cos I went with him. To the lawyer's office...today!"

"Sonny, you did what!? Are you crazy? You went with him, you didn't you try stoppin him instead. Oh brother, this is madness" it's now Rays turn to take a breath, he looks around the bar. Moving in closer he wants no one to hear this conversation "Sonny if she finds out, he went behind her back to a lawyer well..."

"Yeah, yeah. I know and don't think I didn't already try warn him. But like I said you know Clay, he's like a damn dog with a bone. I did however persuade him to hold off on the letter, for now... I told him to just let it play out, hopefully numb nuts over there will be gone back soon and there'll be no need for him to do nothin'. Trouble is now, Miss Mandy's on the scene and him and her seem to have_ bonded_, I can't see him goin anytime too soon."

"Well Alex said he was taking Mandy for dinner." Ray sighs rubbing his face "So, let's hope they won't stay long. Never know Clay may change his mind a won't come."

"Yeah well looks like there's no hope on that" he nudges Rays arm; they both look towards the entrance as Clay walks in. 

He has a huge grin on his face as he pulls up a stool next to them. "Hey, so what's happening?"

"Oh, you know... nothin' much" Sonny frowns, he and Ray exchanging concerned looks "So, you wanna beer man or I mean we could go to another bar if you fancy it. Sick of this place already."

"No um.. .I'm fine here. I... I told Kelsey I wouldn't be long. I'm hoping we've got _plans _for later" he smiles, winking at Sonny.   
  
Ray gulps his beer down way too fast, choking as it hits the back of his throat "Sorry _plans_? Like _plan_ plans!?" he frowns "Jeez, you know I went months before I could get near Naima again after she gave birth, and you got _plans_ already" he laughs clinking his beer bottle against Clay's

"Yeah well, not exactly those _plans_ but...well I don't wanna be late" he laughs and then takes a long sip from the cold beer. His eyes take a quick scan around what now, is a busy bar and he twists around on his stool "So where are the rest of the guys?"

"Um... somewhere over there." Sonny points vaguely to towards the dart board "Only Jason and Trent here yet, Full Metal and Brock said they might join us laters"

Sonny looks up as Clay slams his bottle against the countertop "What the hell! What's that asshole doin here? How'd he know to come?"

Ray's shoots a furtive glance to Sonny, neither mention it was at his invitation

"Clay, Clay, Clay! You need to calm down, man. Look he's going soon, taking Mandy for dinner so just cool your burners ,drink some beer and forget about him. Last thing we need is a scene. So, let him do his thing and then he'll go."

Sonny and Ray can both see the annoyance in Clay's face, the way his teeth are biting hard on his lip. He takes a long drink from the bottle of beer before holding his hand up, flagging the barman to bring him another.

"Hey, steady there Golden Boy. Last thing you need is to be spoiling for a fight, you understand me. Just sit your ass down, and stay there"

"HEY!!!"

They all swivel around in their seats, straining their necks as Jason calls, gesturing them over to the table.

"Oh, hell! Man, he wants us to go over" Ray sighs, hesitantly putting his hand up to acknowledge he's seen him. They all take a deep breath, Ray and Sonny exchange, furtive concerned glances

_Shit!_ Sonny sighs "Alright poster boy, keep it together. Smile and play nice".

"What you're serious!? You want me to sit with him? No...no never gonna happen. Not on my watch"

"Alight quick bitchin" Sonny grabs him by the shirt collar pulling him up from the seat "What are you man or mouse. The way I see it you got three choices, you act like an asshole, stay here at the bar and ignore him so he gets what he wants, making you look an idiot or we leave and go elsewhere or...or choice number three you suck it up, smile and listen to his bullshit. Your choice man, I'm happy whatever"

"No .. no, I'm not leaving. Why should I? This my place to drink, my turf I'm not letting him get the better of me"

"Good boy! Now we talkin... just keep thinking like that and everything gonna be alright" Sonny smiles patting him on the back.   
  
Ray's not so sure but he orders some more beer "I'll bring these over!"

"Here ... Clay, Sonny listen to this " Jason turns around looking at them, he's laughing so hard "Alex's got this funny story about when he was on deployment in Iraq, go on tell em. It's funny as hell!"

"I bet he has!" Clay sighs. Placing the beer against his lips to drink he turns his back on them. He won't sit down, the only chair available, is the one nearest Alex.

"Clay!" Alex calls out acknowledging him first as they exchange glances "So, how you doing? How's Casey today?"

"Yeah..." Clay grinds his teeth, his lips pout and he just about manages to spit the words out "..he's fine!"

"And Kelsey? She's doing okay."

"Yeah..." Clay furrows his forehead, he's struggling to make any kind of civil reply "Yeah she's fine too"

Jason notices the tone and immediately jumps on it "Something eating you Blondie?"

"No...no nothing. I'm fine. You know...." he sighs draining the last of the beer from the bottle "I need another beer"

"Yeah I think we could all do with one too " Alex smiles, he checks with Mandy then holds out a fifty-dollar bill "How about you get one for everyone, on me. I mean you've all been so welcoming since I got here, least I can do."

Clay hesitates, snubbing the gesture, unable to bring himself to take the money. Alex continues to hold it there until that it gets to the point where it becomes awkwardly obvious that Clay's blanking him.   
  
Eventually, Sonny's the one who ends the deadlock by snatching the note from his hand "You know what, I'll come with you Blondie, give you hand." And though it sticks in his craw he does manage to nod in appreciation " Cheers Alex!"

"Yeah sure why not " Clay sniffs loudly. He notices the smirking look Alex is giving him.

Ray sits back in his seat, quietly watching the pair of them and their interaction with each other. The atmosphere is most certainly tense between the two and Jason leans forward over the table towards him "Alright, what the hell's his problem, tonight? "

" I dunno" Ray shrugs "Too many sleepless nights I guess. You know how it is with a new baby" he smiles. Looking at the others, Trent's eyes drop to the floor, he's trying not to involve himself and Mandy frowns.   
  
She's not sure whats going on, but she can definitely feel the atmosphere but then her attention is distracted as he cell rings with a call. She checks it "Oh sorry, I have to take this." she kisses Alex full on the lips as she gets up from her seat, he runs his hand gently up her outer thigh making her smile "I'll be back in a minute "

"Hey..." Sonny sighs as they order at the bar. " Clay, what the hell's wrong with you. I told ya don't give him no ammo to fire at ya! You shoulda just took the damn money".

"Don't you see, he's doing it to wind me up Sonny. Mess with my head."

"Yeah well doing a damn good job if you ask me. I told ya don't let him get to ya"

"But did you see him, that smug smirk on his face, trying to be everyone's friend. Telling his _funny_ war stories, like some god damn hero"

"Clay c'mon man..." Sonny laughs " like him or not, he is a damn hero. He's done two tours Iraq so at least give him some credit for that."

"I just want him gone Sonny!" Clay bites his lip and sighs "So what, I gotta play nice with him now for the rest of the night cos everyone thinks he's their goddamn buddy, with his sarcastic humor and his _amazing_ British accent! Well I know exactly what he's here for and it's not to be anyone's friend. You know Mandy's not going to feel so good when she finds out he's using her. That she's some bit of fun until he can get to Kelsey"

"Hey..." Sonny shoves him back against the bar "Clay, seriously, you gotta get that out your head. How the hell' d think Kesley'd feel is she heard you talking like this. Tell ya what, if you gonna be like this all night, why don't you put that beer down and go home. Go home Clay, be with that baby of yours"

"What and let him think he's chased me away. I don't think so." He picks up the beers from the bar and glares at Sonny "I'm staying right here, until _he_ leaves"

"Oh man!!" Sonny frowns, his hand rubbing against his beard in worried frustration. Picking the beers up he sighs There's only one-way tonight is going now, and that's in a downward spiral _Shit! _

"Hey brother" Ray pushes Sonny to one side, separating him away from the others so they can speak "So, what's going on, he alright? I saw the look he just gave. C'mon Sonny do we have a problem brewing, with Clay and Alex"

"He's fine, alright, just leave it. I got this Ray! Trust me, Clay's gonna be fine , just let him work it outta his system"

"Well, you better have Sonny, cos last thing we need is him starting any trouble. Cos that's not gonna end well, for any of us, you get me. When all's said and done, Alex is still an officer and Clay can't be affording to get into that. He's already got Lindell on his case".

"What you worried about your promotion again Ray? Hmmm! This not about how Clay's feelin while you cozying up to your new best buddy, thinking he might be able to help you in some way. Grease the wheels at some officer club, maybe?"

"Sonny what the hell are you talking about. You know it's Clay's interests I got at heart. If I thought Alex was any threat to him or Kelsey and that baby, then just know , I'd be the first one to send him packing. But honestly Sonny I think this all in Clay's head and I'm tellin ya you need to keep a lid on him"  
  
They both look around; they can see Clay leaning against the wall. He's keeping himself away from the group, drinking his beer, too much beer. His face is filled with a tormented expression of jealousy and rage as he stares, watching as Alex and Jason continue laughing and joking with each other.

Mandy returns from her call. Jason smiles at her and stands up to stretch his legs. She picks her purse up from the chair "Look Alex, I'm really sorry I'm gonna have to rain check dinner. Something just came in and I need to go."

"Awww! No really? You want me to take you somewhere, drop you off?"

"No, its fine I've ordered an uber, I have to go back to the base"  
  
"That something for us?" Jason frowns

"Um .. maybe. I don't know yet" she smiles "Alex you stay here; I'm sure Jason will keep you company and he seems to be enjoying your stories" She smiles leaning forward and kisses him.

"Yeah sure Alex stay "Jason nods " you don't need to go, I'll get some more beers in. Play some pool, throw some arrows"

"Well if you're sure" Alex nods in Clay's direction " I mean I don't wanna tread on anyone's toes and out stay my welcome, if you know what I mean."

"What Clay? No Clay's fine. Too many sleepless nights, that's all. Don't worry about it"

Clay can hear them talking about him, it's as if he wasn't there and it's really, really annoying him " You know what?!" he sneers, slamming his empty bottle on the table in front of them "I think you already did that. I mean outstayed your welcome"

"I'm sorry do you have a problem here Clay" Alex stands up, moving himself closer, making the height difference between them obvious " Cos if you do, then just say and I'll leave."

"Do I have a problem?" Clay sighs, laughing in his face "No...no I don't have a problem, but you know I um... I thought Kelsey already told you to leave"

"You know that's not actually what I remember, see I remember she said, in not so many words was that _you_ told her to tell me to leave, and as I told you, yesterday, I'll leave when _she_ tells me. Not, you."

Clay positions himself closer to Alex showing he's not afraid of his posturing " Well I did say you need to go. We don't want you here. _She_ doesn't want you here... so why the hell don't you just go"

"Hey, hey, hey! Break this up! Clay..." Jason steps between their bodies, separating them with his. Staring at Clay he can sense the tension. "..what the hell's going on here? You need to calm it down, right now!"

"Hey Goldilocks..."Sonny makes a grab at his arm "let's go throw some arrows at the board, relieve some of your pent-up frustration. C'mon, come with me" He takes a deep breath and turns to look at Alex "And if you staying..." he smiles patting him patronizingly on the chest, handing him a ten dollar note "Why don't you get yourself another drink, on me!"

"Alex!" Mandy sighs "What the hell was that all about? Is everything okay between you two."

"Oh, ignore him. He'd be better off going home. I mean to be with his girlfriend and new-born baby instead of hanging out in bars like some single stag"

"Alex, just leave it!" Mandy frowns. She can see Jason's getting agitated now and knows that isn't going to be a good thing. Wondering if she should leave Alex here with them now.

"No, I won't leave it." Alex turns calling to Clay as he walks away with Sonny "I see guys like you every day, in recruitment. Young, full of themselves, throwing their weight around. You don't impress me" he sighs, stepping forward, his chest puffed out. He folds his arms giving himself more of a physical presence "Why are you here Clay? I mean, you have got everything a man could want at home and you're hanging out with single team guys. What the hell is wrong with you? Kelsey not enough for you"

Clay smiles, he's tried so hard to ignore him all evening, but now he can't. His anger's been bubbling under the surface ever since he saw Alex when he arrived and it's now at bursting level. Everyone can feel the tension simmering between them.

Sonny can feel something's coming but when it does he can't keep his hold on him and Clay slips from his grip. Brushing him away Clay lashes out using both hands and with full force he shoves Alex hard in the chest.   
  
Alex knew he was getting to him, but he didn't anticipate such a sudden response and unprepared the push takes him off guard. He staggers backwards, knocking the chair behind him over.  
  
"And what the hell's it gotta do with you? Hm-mm! Why are you so bothered about what I'm doing?" Clay glares, inches from Alex, his face contorted a reddish color.

The bar suddenly goes quiet as the two large guys square up to each other and everyone stops what they're doing, something about a bar fight makes everyone want to watch. Sonny quickly trying to break them apart before it gets as far as an actual fight. Placing his body physically between them, hoping Alex won't react back to Clay's sudden attack.   
  
Jason's fuming, he almost leaps the chairs as he heads back to them from where he was at the bar. He shoves Clay away and looks around at the crowd gathered staring at his team   
  
"Alright shows over!" he frowns. Everyone knows better than to go against what Jason says. Some of the other team leaders, smile to themselves, raising their bottles, glad for a change it's not their team they're having to control. "What the hell's going on Clay?"

"Nothin' !" Clay bites his lip, untangling himself from the grip Sonny has on his shirt.

"Don't look like nothin to me. So, you care to explain?"

"Oh, don't worry Jason, he doesn't bother me" Alex smirks, removing Sonny's hand from his chest "I'm not interested in what you're doing Clay, but I am worried about Kelsey. She needs someone to be there for her right now and I don't see you stepping up to the plate. But I will tell you this, you leave a woman like her home alone too long, she'll get bored. Her eye will wander, and one day, she won't be there. Trust me I know"

"She'll get bored." Clay laughs at him his fist clenching tight against his leg "Oh, and what you gonna be waitin', right, just like you told me. I know what you want. You think you can take her and my son away from me. Well I'm here to stop you"   
  
He takes at breath, again his temper is ratcheting up a notch from the simmer just below the surface. He turns around, now looking at Mandy "He tell you that, that he's just here for Kelsey. That he's using you until he can get her on a plane back to the UK. That he just wants to bed you, cos he's got nothing better to do right now."

"Clay!" Mandy frowns, shocked as she looks up at Alex. The statement hurts and she's hoping it's just Clay's anger, not truth "What the hell's he talking about?"

"Oh, who the hell knows. He's drunk. Look at him! " Alex smirks "You shouldn't be here Clay, go home"

"You can shut the hell up, I'm not drunk but I am sick of you. You're the one who needs to go!" He takes a breath, the contempt he has for Alex fills his thought "Where the hell do you get off... you're so fuckin arrogant. You're using Mandy, because she reminds you of Kelsey and you know she won't sleep with you, that you're just friends. But you want more than that don't you ."

"Kelsey won't sleep with me?" Alex laughs. Folding his arms, he bites his lip as he stares mockingly at Clay "Oh god you really don't know the half of it do you!"

"What?" Clay frowns, he suddenly stops talking. He feels a pang of insecurity like he's not understood something. He again steps forward, only this time to walks into the solid wall that is Jason's chest. Jason's hand forced against his own rib cage, holding him back. He sighs knowing he's going nowhere near Alex unless he goes through Jason and, for now, he backs off " So what? What, you're saying you're sleeping with her?"

"No ..no, that's not what I'm saying... but we have!"

"You' have what? You have slept with her... yeah right, in your dreams" Clay takes a breath as he questioningly stares at him. "Okay tell me when then? I mean, she said you were just friends, yes you kissed once but that was it. So, what, you're sayin she's lying"

"I'm not saying anything. You need to take it up with her. You'll need to ask her about it"

Despite Jason between them Clay somehow finds a way to slip the net and lunges shoving Alex backwards. This time he's expecting it and holds his ground, though he has to admit, Clay's not messing around and the thud slammed against his chest hurts "I'm asking _you! _Tell me what went on?"

Alex bites his lip. He stays silent, taking a deep, apprehensive breath. He's annoyed with himself, letting Clay get to him like that because it's made him say something that he knows very well Kelsey won't be happy with.

"I said ... _tell me!"_ Clay screams as again he attempts to push him, but this time he fails as Sonny and Jason have a handle on it, and step in. They separate them. Jason and Sonny push Clay away from the scene.

Ray takes hold of Alex, guiding him backwards to keep them apart. "Alex, c'mon brother, don't do this. Not here. Not now. Don't put it all out there "

Alex takes a breath and nods; he knows Ray's right. He knows that advice is what makes them officers over the likes of Clay. That when provoked they shouldn't, they don't, react.

"Hey Clay..." Jason frowns "You need to calm the hell down, right now! Whatever this beef is, it needs to stop. You got me?"

"No! I'm not leaving it. I wanna know what he means"

Alex takes a sip of his beer as he and Clay stare at each other "You know what, I'm not doing this with you, not here now" He has more of the beer and then as he drains the bottle he stands it down on the table. "I'm gonna go." He sighs, patting Ray on the arm "I was nice seeing you again. Mandy I'll walk you out"

Mandy nervously nods her gaze moving quickly between Clay and Alex. She's concerned about what Clay's saying but she doesn't question it further. Ray follows them to the exit as they say their goodbyes, Ray looks around watching as Jason and Sonny speak with Clay, trying to calm him down "Alex, wait" Ray stares him in the eye " Man to man. I wanna know what you said to him. Did you? You and her, did you sleep together?"

"Ray just leave it alright, don't do this tonight. I shouldn't have let him get to me. I was wrong to say anything"

"When ... when man? Just tell me. Not since you've been here right? Tell me that you haven't touched her since you got here"

Alex takes a deep breath and closes his eyes "I need to go! Nice seeing you Ray"

Alex and Mandy head to the parking lot. They stop by his hire car and she now wants to talk. "Where you using me? Was Clay right"

"No .. no not using you, this, us it was fun, right? Us having fun, I mean it was never anything exclusive, like a holiday romance. C'mon Mandy we're both adults so we needed a bit of company nothing wrong with that right"

"Jesus.." She sneers at him ".. I liked you, I thought you liked me. I thought maybe we ... never mind"

"Oh, c'mon I'm going back in a week, it was never gonna be serious I thought you knew that"

"No!" She sighs, "You know what I have to go"

_Fuck!_ Alex sighs, taking a cigarette from a pack, he has in the glove box he only smokes occasionally but now is one of those times.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Ray sighs, he re-joins the group. Sonny frowns "I'll get some more drinks in"

"What the hell was that about, Clay?" Jason's pacing in front of him "You do know he's an officer, right?"

"Different Navy."

"Different Navy?!" Jason stands in front of him glaring "Still an officer, in the Navy! You hit him and that mean you could face a disciplinary, you know that? You get it. You wanna lose your whole career over him?"

"Be worth it, to see the smug look wiped off his arrogant face" Clay takes a breath, looking around everyone still giving them side glances. He rubs his hand over his chin "No, no you're right. I gave him what he wanted, I let him get to me. I shouldn't have" He sighs again "You know I'm gonna go home, he's right I don't know why I came. I should have stayed with Kelsey. I have a different life now. I need to go take care of it"

Jason smiles patting him on the shoulder "That's right you have. Clay, go sort your family out man. I'll catch you tomorrow. Looks like we're gonna get spun up soon, so go make peace with your girl"

Sonny's back from the bar "Hey, you leavin'?"

"Yeah man. I need ta.. well you know...go home. Thanks for today Sonny"

"Hey, you're welcome man. I'll catch you tomorrow"

Clay smiles nodding his goodbyes to the others and leaves.

"You think he's gonna be okay now?" Jason frowns.

Sonny shrugs as he sips his beer. Turning around he notices Clay's left his jacket on the chair "Oh hell that boy' d lose his head if it weren't fixed on" He picks it up "I'll see if I can catch numb nuts give him his jacket. He got his keys in the pocket! Back in a minute watch my beer."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

As Clay stops in the doorway to the bar, he takes a deep breath filling his lungs with the cool night air. Slow and deep, he calms himself. He looks up smiling at the large moon, then around the parking lot. He can hear someone talking, he looks across the open space and he can see them pacing as they speak on the phone. They're having a cigarette over by the parked cars. _"Alex!" _he sighs

He looks to where his truck is parked and then back again in front of him where he can see Alex still pacing back and forward. His head tells him to go home but as he looks back at the noise of the bar behind, his heart still has questions. Questions that need answers. The more he stands and stares at Alex the more the simmering tension starts to bubble and foam inside him. _Fuck it! _He strides over "Hey asshole!"

_Oh Jesus!_ "Clay!" Alex cuts off his call, putting his phone into his pocket "Just leave it alright you really don't wanna do this. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. Wasn't my place"

"No but you did, and you can't unsay it. so, I wanna know what you meant. What were you tryin to get at? That you and Kelsey have slept together, that there was something more between you" He frowns trying to read his expression, his body language   
  
"Have you been with her since you got here?" he takes a breath wondering if he really wants to hear the answer to that question, because the thought that he has, terrifies him, and saying it out loud makes his stomach churn "No, you haven't been with her, this is all bullshit! You're a liar. She hasn't slept with you!"

"That's not what I said, but we did have a relationship, in the past, that is true and if you really wanna know," he smirks "we did kiss, while you were away"  
  
"What the hell" Clay can feel the shock, as the air leave his lungs, his throat goes dry "You what? You kissed?"

"It was me, alright. I should have stopped it. She was a mess, upset and I.. I took advantage. I wanted her. She didn't do anything. You have to understand, it's on me that kiss. My mistake"

"What the fuck! No...no she wouldn't. She told me there was nothing between you, not like that. You were friends and she valued that friendship. You took advantage? I should fuckin kill you" He grips his fingers into a fist his eyes glaze over, as he stares, looking at the well-built man in front of him. Now he can only see anger and hatred.

"Clay there hasn't been anything between us, not for a long time. Certainly not while she was pregnant anyway"

"Why the hell don't you just go. No one wants you here" The seething rage inside Clay is building and the more Alex speaks the more the whirring churn in his stomach bubbles. Even the thought of him touching her sends him to the edge. _What she could possibly see in this arrogant asshole._ "Well if it's true and you did have something, it's over now. She came here for me. She left you. Now do the right thing and leave her alone. Get on a plane and go the hell back"

"Clay you don't understand. I can't. I love her"

"Love her? I don't care. Because you are never going near her again. I swear to god you go anywhere near her; I'll kill you. Do you understand and as long as I breath you will not get my son. He's goign nowhere. I've made sure of that!"

"What? It's up to Kelsey, it's for her to decide not you. You so sure she won't leave. Is that why you don't want me to see her again. Because you're not sure she won't leave you. If she comes back with me, she'll bring Casey, but know I'd never stop you seeing him"

"What the hell! Have you heard yourself, making plans? Oh, you son of a bitch you had this all worked out didn't you. What you gonna wait until I get spun up again, then make your move?"

"Maybe.." Alex smiles " I don't know. All I know is since she left, I can't be without her. I will do everything I can to get her back. I'm sorry. I wish it didn't have to be like that. If I'd have known she was getting on that plane, I could have stopped it"

Clay grips his fist, clenching it open and shut. As the red mist descends he can't stop himself. There's a sudden thudding muffled crack, as Clay's knuckle makes contact with Alex's jaw.   
"You son of bitch"

Clay throws another punch and still dazed from the first Alex can't absorb the impact of the second. He falls back with a heavy thud against the car behind him. _Fuck! _He wipes the blood the dribbles from the split that appeared in his lip.

Looking at the red liquid on his hand Clay can't stop. Not now, he's unleashed his anger. He releases a lower blow, thudding against Alex's ribs. Following up with his other fist, a crunching bruising punch to his stomach.   
  
Winded Alex drops to his knees and closes his eyes. He's not sure why he didn't fight back. Maybe he feels like he deserves some of it . He knows it would have hurt what he said because he knows what if feels like to have her taken away. But this punch in his gut, that's where his guilt ends and as he gathers his breath he staggers to his feet. Then when Clay's not expecting it he swings a punch. Hitting Clay hard in the ribs and follows through with his left hand catching Clay square on the jaw.

Clay smiles, his hand rubbing the side of his face "That it? That all you got!" he continues staring his eyes focus intently. Sure, he knows Alex is bigger in build than him but with that punch Clay realizes he's the stronger. If that's the best Alex can do then he can take him.

The two men just stare at each other. The corners of Clay's mouth curl an then he lashes out. First hitting his fist square into the front of Alex's face. There's a popping sound as blood spills everywhere, down Alex's nose which is blown open, not broken but bleeding heavily all down the front of his shirt. The metallic smell and taste filling his mouth as he spits the mouthful of bloodied saliva onto the ground. Splatters decorate the front of Clay's tee shirt.   
  
Now blind to what he's doing, lost in a beer fuelled anger he doesn't stop. Punch after punch until Alex drops to the ground, his arms up over his head trying to protect himself.

"Get up!...! Get up!... C'mon, I said get up!" Clay pulls at his shirt collar, trying to drag him to a standing position but Alex concedes trying to fend off the blows. Clay won't relent, as the red anger consumes him.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Hey um....Jason"

"Hey Charlie, how are you?" Jason frowns looking one of Charlie teams previous C1s

"Yeah I'm good look sorry to interrupt but I thought you might wanna know, I think it's a couple your guys they um... they're throwing fists in the parking lot. Just thought you might wanna put an end to it. Looks like it's getting pretty heated out there!"

"Throwing fists?" Jason frowns looking at Ray "Who is...oh hell... Clay!!!" Having realized what's going on, he and Ray jump the chairs and rush to get outside.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"HEY!!! Hey hey!!"

Clay looks around the voice shouting at him from the bar doorway "Clay!!...STOP! What the hell do you think you're doing?!!" Sonny comes running over, pulling Clay off, throwing him back to the floor "What the fuck do you think you're doing Clay? You trying to kill him, man! Back the hell off!"

Clay wipes his face, clearing it of the sweat, his hands covered in blood. His knuckle bruised and split open across the bone "He deserves it!" he takes a breath, staggering to his feet "Go on tell him! Tell him, tell him what you said about wanting to take Kelsey." He gets his breath the fog that he lost himself in is clearing and starts to see what he's done "Sonny he said it, he wants her"

He can feel the adrenaline surge start to subside and his body starts to shake. Suddenly a large hand grabs at his shoulder as Jason pushes him back "What the hell did I tell you? Get the fuck away!"

Clay seethes again, his cheeks pursed he stares at Jason, but he ignores him slapping his hand away from his chest pushing him back

"Walk it off Clay!" he continues to stare holding him back "Clay! I said ... walk it off! Step away this is not gonna happen, not now!"

Sonny grabs Clay pushing his body back, "Clay c'mon buddy do what Jason says, let it go!"

The atmosphere is electric a high surge of testosterone, blood, sweat. As two raging men face off. Ray trying to work out what's going on. He helps Alex to his feet first "You okay? What the hell went on here?" Alex spits the blood from mouth, wiping his nose on the hem of his shirt. He smiles.

Clay keeps pushing against Sonny, he's desperate to get back and finish what he started "You stay away from her. You don't come near her again" he points his fingers jabbing it in Alex's direction " Nothing's going to happen between you, you understand me!"

"Oh really" Alex smiles he's hurt but also very angry now " Too late, you want the truth.. . truth is I've fucked her that many times, I've lost count!" he laughs, watching as Clay struggles, forcing against both Sonny and Jason. it taking all their energy to hold him back

"What the hell.. you're lying man! She told me there was nothing. You meant nothing!" Clay paces away from him is hand gripping and releasing in frustration. If just one chance Jason and Sonny let him go he swears he'll kill him.

"Clay, let it go man. He's trying to get in your head. He's hurting. He's just trying to hurt you back. Don't fall for it!" Sonny turns leaving Clay with Jason. He's now the one grabbing Alex shirt and shoving him back against the car door "You know you need to shut your mouth before I shut you up permanently you comprende"

"Sonny leave it!" Ray frowns his eyebrow hitched in concern as he now tries to pull Sonny's weight from Alex

"I'm warnin' ya. Best thing you do now, get on that plane and disappear for good, cos trust me you don't need to worry about him.." he points at Clay "It's me comin for ya now!"

"Stay there!" Jason warns Clay "You don't move. I mean it Clay; you take one step forward I'll put you down myself!"

He sighs, rubbing his lip which is bleeding from where Alex's punch managed to catch him "Fine! I'm not moving" He grimaces, grinding his teeth. It's going to take all his powers of control to stay where he is.

"What the hell is going on?" Jason and Alex are the same build, same height and Jason stares him directly in the eye "You wanna explain why he's throwing fists? What you say to him?"

"Oh, it's nothing. Your boy just getting his knickers in a twist. I was leaving and ... guess truth hurts as they say"

"Truth? What truth would that be?" Jason bites his lip taking a breath "You wanna explain some of that truth, to me?" Hmm!

"He says he slept with Kelsey" Clay interrupts even saying the words makes his blood pump faster " He's lying. Wishful thinking!"

"Clay shut your mouth!" Jason sighs, he's trying to defuse the situation, calm it down and get to the bottom of what's gone on "I wanna here from you. I mean you have a lot to say for yourself. So, this the truth or a lie to wind him up."

"No! " Alex smiles the blood still dripping down his face

"Have you slept with her or not, straight answer to straight question "

"Yeah .. yeah we use to have a thing going on. We had an affair, when I was married" He sighs. "I left my wife for her" he laughs "and then Kelsey left me. It was complicated then. I figured when she got pregnant and she moved into the flat I rented out that ... things would just happen again. But she wouldn't commit. Torn about her feelings for that prick! I stupidly told her to get in contact, settle the thing about the baby . I never imagined she'd up on a plane and come here" he sighs rolling his eyes "her all over."

He takes a deep breath, his body aches, his face sore and now the regrets set in . The regret about his words. He knows how angry Kelsey will be with him when she finds out that he's washed their dirty laundry in public. That he's told Clay what she asked him not to. That is ego couldn't help it. His need to get one up on Clay. That his desire to break them apart overruling all logic and clear thinking.

He pulls his hand through the sweaty, bloodied mess of his floppy brown hair. Then he slumps sitting himself on the ground, his head dropping between his knees. "Look I um... I shouldn't have said what I did. I can't take it back but I'm sorry. When he hit me, I lashed out with words! You're boys got a fucking punch on him for sure!" he laughs trying to ease his hurt pride.

"You fucking asshole!" Clay can't stay still now, and Alex hurriedly gets to his feet as Clay lurches forward towards him.

Luckily Sonny manages to catch Clay's arm pulling him back. He shoves him against one of the cars in the parking lot. Holding him there "Clay, calm the fuck down! " Sonny growls as he forces him back. Jason turns around watching

"Sonny get him the hell outta here! I mean it... now!"

"C'mon Clay.." Sonny turns him around from the situation, pushing his hand against his back "Lets walk it off some, before I take you home"

"And you ..."Jason shoves his hand against Alex's chest holding him against the side of the hire car behind him "You get the hell out of here. Best advice. You go to your hotel, pack your bags and get on the next plane out." He frowns they're inches from each other's faces, nose to nose "Don't come here again because I'm warning you, officer or not... you and me will be having words next time. Ray escort this sorry excuse off the premises"

Ray takes a breath. He's caught in dilemma because he really liked Alex but what he's done, what he's said, Ray can' excuse it "C'mon! Alex just go. Like Jason said. Don't come back here. Don't go near Clay and ... stay away from Kelsey if I was you. If you really love her, do it for her and that baby, man!"

As Sonny leads Clay back to the bar. They take a minute. Clay closing his eyes, he rests. Well aware that he needs to calm down. He wipes his face with his hand "I'm fine ...really I'm fine. Let go of me Sonny. I said let go." Sonny does but stays alert, ready in case he bolts "I need to get my jacket, I left it. It's got my keys"

"Yeah it's um... over there. I dropped it when I had to come sort your dumb ass out." Sonny sighs "You know Clay, you really pushed it too far this time. But... he laughs "you did mess his face up proper good there." There's a sly grin from Sonny before he frowns at the seriousness "You better just hope he don't take this further and that Jason calms it down"

"I know" Clay sighs "Sonny what am I gonna do?"

"I'm sure Jace will sort it, now try not to worry"

"No, I don't mean about hitting him. I mean about Kelsey. What if he's right, what if she wants him. Wants to be with him."

"Clay... she doesn't, she loves you. She damn well loves that baby. She'd still be with him if she wanted that. Look, let's get you cleaned up. Then I'll take you home. You're gonna have to talk to her"

"And say what? Choose, me or him. Here or the UK"

"Maybe"

"What if she made a mistake, coming here and what if given the choice she choose him, chooses to go back"

"Then maybe...maybe you have to let her go!"

Clay takes a breath leaning his head back "She's not taking my boy. Sonny I can't let her take him. I ...I can't lose him, not now. I love him too much"

"Look Clay it's late. We'll sort it. We'll make sure that doesn't happen." Sonny sighs, he' fatigued, its late " C'mon let's get inside, wipe that lip before we take you home. I need another beer, before we face Kelsey" He laughs patting the regretful Clay on the shoulder

As Jason and Ray watch Alex drive off "You know he could get Clay disciplined over this, hitting a senior officer. It's not gonna look good. Hell, command already know Clay has a problem with discipline around officers. Lindell already on his case"

"Yeah I know" Jason sighs, rubbing his hand over his head "I should have stepped in and stopped this earlier. I could see it brewing" _Shit!_ "let's just hope he listens and gets on that plane"

"You think he will, go just like that, I mean?"

"I sure hope so." He sighs as he looks around behind him, watching Clay and Sonny head back inside the bar " For Clay's sake"

o-o-o-o-o

Kelsey sits down with a long sigh. She's tired but enjoying the peace of the apartment Casey's fed and bathed and now asleep in his crib. She's finished preparing the bottles, putting the bottles in the fridge for the night as she decided to treat herself to a very small glass of white wine.   
  
Standing the glass on the table she picks up the laptop "Right..." she sighs "let's have a look at these flats you've picked out, Clay Spenser. See if they're to my taste" she smiles, looking around the familiarity of the current apartment, her mind trying to imagine a new place, a new home. A place for them as a family.

As she switches it on she frowns looking at the two tabs he's left open for the two options he picked out   
"Oh Clay" she frowns "Either you've been looking at porn or your seal paranoia" she laughs the private browsing mode activated and history all cleared. It makes her laugh how careful he is.   
  
Then as she settles into the couch, reading the details her eyes glaze over and she yawns . Sighing loudly, she sets the laptop back on the table, too tired to read it for now. She checks the time on her watch and closes her eyes.

She wakes with a sudden start at the knock on the door _Shit!!_ She blinks not realizing she'd fallen asleep.

"Hold on!" she calls out as she checks the time. It's nearly midnight. She pulls her robe around her naked body, tying the belt. Then she smiles as she heads to the door "You know, I can't believe you forget your key" She opens the door "Good job I'm still up or I'd be really anno.......yed" She stops talking mid sentence "Oh my god!! ..." she gasps, staring as Alex stands leaning on the door frame

"Hey!" he tries to smile but she can't see it focusing instead on his badly beaten and bloodied face 

"Alex, what the hell happened to you?"


	31. Everyone's sorry

“Alex!!?! Oh my god what’s happened to you?” She gasps looking at his bruised bloodied face “Did someone attack you? Oh my god ... come… sit down! I’ll get something to clean you up with” she can feel this panicked tightness in her chest unsure about whats happened. Alex enters the apartment “Shit! Did you see who it was? I mean did you call the police. I’ll call Clay I… oh my god!”

“Kelsey stop! Stop it okay. Don’t call anyone. I’m fine. Where’s Casey?”

“Um… “ she frowns confused by the question “um… he’s asleep… in the bedroom “ she points behind her “He's fine. Alex, what’s going on. You’re scaring me”

“Right listen to me, you need to wake him then pack him a bag. We're going!”

“Sorry” her head furrows in confusion “Going? Going where?” she puts the first aid kit down on the worktop in the kitchen as frowns at him “Sorry, is this a joke what are you talking about?”

“We’re leaving. I’m taking you back to the UK. Kelsey, you can't stay here, it’s not safe”

“Not safe? Don't ridiculous. Alex what the hell are you talking about? What’s not safe” she takes a breath suddenly getting a bad feeling, suddenly needing an explanation “Alex, what's going on?”

“You wanna know what happened to me. Clay. Clay did this. He’s the one attacked me. He’s dangerous”

“What?” she frowns, concerned, confused and worried “Clay did this? But why? I mean no! No, he wouldn't, he's not like that. He's kind, he's gentle. No there's a mistake”

“You know he'd have killed me ; it was only fortunate that that the others were there to pull him off or it would have been a lot worse”

“I don't understand” she looks up at him, confused, wondering how things could have been worse. His eye is swollen, his lip cut, and he has several red and purple colored bruises on this face “But I mean why? Why would Clay do this?” she watches as Alex picks up the diapers, creams and toys from various surfaces “ Alex stop!” she grabs at his hand taking the small grey elephant toy from him. “Stop you need to talk to me. But first, let me clean up your face. Sit down”

“No, no we don't have time. We need to go. I don't want you here when he comes back”

“When Clay comes back. Alex I need to be here I need to talk to him, find out why he would do this. He won’t hurt me" She frowns worried " Why would he? Alex, I’m confused what's going on, did something happen between you”

“Well I’m not taking that risk, that the won't hurt you. He’s completely lost it. Kelsey, surely you don't want a man like that. A man that could do this, to a friend of yours you want him around Casey. Well do you?”

“No! Um… I mean, no of course not but.... I don't know, I don't understand what's happened” She stands looking him in the face “Alex just slow down and explain”

He looks at her, his eyes following the line of her face, stroking her hair back from her shoulder "I told him, I can't be without you. That I need you. That we want to be together. So please, come back with me” he leans forward kissing her. Grabbing her around the waist, he causes her robe to fall open, exposing her bare flesh beneath. He moves his hand touching her.

“No! No!! Alex ...stop!” she pushes him back, pulling her robe around her tying the belt tighter “We talked about this. It can't happen. No more! Now, you need to tell me what happened with Clay, why he did this to you”

“Kelsey please…” He grabs at her again

“I said get OFF ME!”

Then suddenly without any force from her Alex’s grip is ripped away and he’s thrown across the other side of the room “You heard! Get your filthy hands off her, now!”

“Clay!!” She gasps panicked “Clay stop!!! Stop it, please!!” She brushes her hair back from her face “Clay, please tell me what’s going on between you. Did you really do this to him? Is he telling the truth?”

“Him he's the problem He wants you, and Casey. He wants to take you away from me. He says he loves you, but then you know that don’t you? I mean you did sleep together, had a relationship. It wasn’t just a kiss was it?”

“I .. I don’t know what you’re talking about” she frowns nervously “Clay stop it!” she watches as again Clay throws his fist, punching, lashing out. Alex cowers, wedged between the table and couch where he fell, trying to protect himself from the stream of blows that reign in.

“HEY!!! Hey ... hey Clay!!” Sonny, pulls at him trying to separate them, pushing him back giving Alex time to get up.

“See...see, I told you, he’s lost it. He’s dangerous” he sighs wiping the new blood from his lip. “Kelsey get your things; you need to come with me.”

“No! No, I ... I don't” her face contorts into a deep frown, she's in a whirl of confusion trying to make sense of the situation “Clay, what’s going on?”

“You…you and him how long?”

“What? How long what?”

“How long have you been seeing each other, sleeping with each other and don't tell me you haven't been because he told me you have”

“What!!? Shit! No!” she can’t get her breath the air knocked from her lungs “He told you what?! No! No. ...no! We’re not sleeping with each other”

“Oh, maybe not now, not since you had Casey, but you did, you did have a relationship?!”

"He told you that?" She swallows anxiously, taking a deep breath as she looks up staring at Alex “Why? Why Alex, why would you tell him that?”

“Because he needed to know and cos, he was goading, pushing and it just came out”

“Just came out. No!" she takes a sharp intake of breath as he world starts to collapse " I don’t believe you! I asked you... no I told you, not to say anything about that. He didn’t need to know. Oh my god why would you Alex?” she’s so angry

“It just came out, I’m sorry. But look what he did, he did this. He can't control his temper. Get Casey, we need to leave!”

“What?! Are you crazy!? I mean… I can't I ..I...Alex get off me I'm not leaving!”

“You wanna be with him?” Clay frowns staring at her as she turns around and looks at him

“What? No! No, I don't want to be with him. Clay what is this. Look, I know I didn't say anything, but it was a long time ago. We got past it, we’re just friends now”

“But you kissed, right? When I was spun up last week”

“What !?” she swallows apprehensively, taking another hammer blow to her emotions. She stares at Alex “You told him that!? But … but that was .. that… that shouldn't have happened! Clay... I was tired, I was upset. God, it was nothing” She wipes the large tears from her face “Honestly please Clay, you have to believe me, that meant nothing. It was stupid I should never...”

“I know…” he takes a breath, his anger starting to cool back under the surface, back in control “He told me, it was all him”

“It was!” Alex wipe his face; he takes a breath as he can see the look of devastation in her face “It was me. That was on me, I took advantage and I shouldn’t have”

“So why did you have to tell him. Why Alex ? I can't believe you did that to me” She now shoves him hard, pushing him back. Slamming her fists angrily against his chest “Oh my god! What are you trying to do?”

“He’s trying to split us up. Drive wedge between us. You don't get it do you, he wants to be with you”

“No! No, he doesn’t that the past, it’s not now it’s not gonna happen. Alex we’re not going to be together”

“Kelsey you know that’s not true… we’re meant to be together. You feel it too”

“Right ..” Clay takes a breath, swallowing nervously almost afraid to say this “You wanna be with him, you wanna be with him yes or no?”

“What?” she frowns “No! No, I told you no! I want …I want Casey, I want you...Clay we’re a family now”

“I don't know if that’s true, so you need to choose. Me or him, simple choice”

“What!? Clay c’mon please .. please you don't mean this. Clay, he's my friend”

“No .. no, you wanna be with me, and Casey, then you tell him to go, and I mean gone, gone for good no more contact no more _friendship”_

“You don’t mean that.” she takes a long sigh “Clay you aren’t serious” she looks at him but gets nothing back, no reaction from him. Just a blank expression.

“You wanna be with him, Kelsey. Then go! Go be with him. Get your stuff and go!”

“What the hell?" she frowns checking the serious look on his face " NO! No, that's not what I want, not at all”

Alex shakes his head, he’s angry with Clay the way he’s talking to her “Kelsey, come on get your stuff, you can’t stay here with him. It's too dangerous. Just get some clothes and let’s go to the hotel, you can get the rest of your stuff tomorrow” he grabs at her arm pulling her towards him “I love you . Kelsey please just get Casey and come with me”.

“Oh no!!” Clay steps up close behind her, he points his finger at Alex “No! If she wants to go she can go, but she is not taking my son with her”

“What?” She turns around staring him straight in the face, she's shocked by his statement “Clay you can't be serious you want me to leave without my son.”

“No! No, I don't want you to leave at all. I want you stay but if you won’t give him up, then you need to go.”

“Clay please.... you can’t mean this” her eyes beg and plead with him “Clay I don't want to leave. I love you. But I’m not going anywhere without Casey”

“Then simply tell him to go”

She takes a breath first, looking at Alex then over to the couch where Sonny has been sitting quietly he’s not involving himself, unless things get out of hand again “Oh no don’t look at me!” he coughs awkwardly and drops his eyes looking away. He won’t help her, it’s her decision, and whether he agrees with how Clay's handling this or not, he has his six. He will support him, no questions. All he will do is stop him from killing Alex.

“You know he said he'd go, back to the UK, if you told him to. So, tell him! Kelsey tell him to go!”

She takes a breath her body nervously shaking, the hard lump of knotted emotion in her throat, hurts. She nods looking at Clay, she bites her lip “Okay” she closes her eyes she can’t look at Alex “You need to go, Alex" She takes a deep breath, she’s willing herself not to cry “Alex please, just...just go!”

“No…. no, you don't mean that. You want to be with me, I know you do. You kissed me you made it clear what you wanted”

“Alex…” she looks up begging him not to cause any more trouble “please don't do this. Just go back”

“No, we've got something, and you know it. For fuck sake Kelsey just come with me”

“No! Alex, you're my friend, my best friend, but really....you need to go now. I have a life here, with Clay, and Casey. You can't be part of that, not while you feel this way.”

“Fine!” Alex takes a deep breath “I get it, you’re worried about your son. So, I’ll wait, let you sort it out, but he can't stop you taking him”

“Oh…”Clay laughs “but that’s where you’re wrong” he smiles, his turn to be smug.

“Clay ..” Sonny hesitantly intervenes. He has a bad feeling about what Clay's about to do “Clay, leave it man. Don’t do this now!”

“Why? He needs to know. You… you can't take my son anywhere. I checked it out. He's a US citizen and you need my permission to take him and…” he smirks at him “I’m never giving it, so he's going nowhere!”

Kelsey swivels on her heels staring at him “Checked what out? What do you mean you checked it out? Clay....Clay what have you done?”

He takes a breath, he looks over at Sonny, who looks away, rubbing his head he knew this was foolish “I um…I went to a lawyer, she errm… she told me that you need my permission, to take him overseas, otherwise it’s child abduction”

“What?!” she frowns “You…you saw a lawyer, about Casey? But when... I mean why ? What did I do that you’d want to do that?”

“I um....” he rubs his head, now he feels a little nervous, a little worried. It does sound a little over the top “I just …just needed some advice, I need to be sure after what he said to me”

“And you didn't think to talk to me about this?” She takes a breath, biting her lip as she stares at him _Fuck!_ “I don’t believe this! I can't believe you did that”

“Look Kelsey, he was saying things. I got worried, I was worried that you were gonna take him and not come back”

“Worried… but not worried enough to talk about it?” she sighs shaking her head in disappointment. Then she turns setting her sights on Alex “You need to go! RIGHT NOW!”   
  
She’s angry. Angry with both of them and she takes a breath, gathering her emotions and strength. Wiping the large tear from her cheek and in an ordered, controlled authoritative tone , on that worries Alex. He grabs at her arm “Get off me!” she pulls his hand from her “Just go! Alex GO!!!” she shoves him backward “I said GET OUT!!”

He backs off as she screams loudly pushing him “No, no you don’t mean that. Kelsey please…”

“You heard her.. it’s time for you to go!” Clay frowns angrily, he pulls her away “You said you'd go if she asked and she just asked”

“You bastard .. you went behind her back, to steal her son and you want me to go!?!”

Clay’s seething, his rage bubbles up and he once again he launches himself at Alex, slamming him back against the wall. Alex is winded and Kelsey screams as she tries to stop them. “CLAY!!!”   
  
She sobs watching as Clay hits him again and again, Sonny trying to grab him. Clay’s rage engulfs him now and he pushes Sonny causing him to fall backwards, tripping over the small table behind and crashing to the floor. For a moment he’s winded. His arm hurts _Fuck!_   
He sits up, gathering his breath he watches as Kelsey desperately pulling at Clay’s shirt.

“Clay stop!! Please… you're gonna kill him! Stop it!"

It’s no use, Clay’s lost in the zone of his anger. Alex fights back, punching Clay hard in the ribs but he crashes against the side table by the door, tipping it over he trips backwards on it and falls to the floor

“CLAY!! Please stop it!!” Kelsey panics, she can see Alex’s face is covered in blood, everything happening so fast there’s no time to stop it she grabs at his shirt, trying to make him stop. But Clay continues and as he pulls back to hit Alex again, but this time instead of Alex it catches Kelsey full on the cheek. The force catches her off guard and she drops backwards. Stopped in her tracks her hand grabs at the pain that sears through her jaw up her face making her head spin.

_Fuck! _She sits down, her eyes closed tight against the pain in her cheek. Tears well in her eyes and she takes a deep breath _Ahhh! Fuck!! _She presses her hand against the hurt, hoping it will stop soon.

“Kelsey!!” Alex sees what happened and somehow finds the strength to push Clay off him “What the fuck did you do!”

Clay turns around, rushing to her aid. He can see the split in her lip, the blood trickles down her chin and as her nose starts to bleed. He feels sick, wracked with guilt.

Sonny's finally on his feet and pushes Alex away “Get the fuck back!” he warns him “He then pulls Clay away “And you ... you sit your ass down there!”

“He hit her!” Alex protests at Sonny’s intervention

“I didn't mean .. “ Clay can’t get his breath he can’t believe what he did “I didn't mean to it was an accident. Oh my god Kels, are you okay? I’m so sorry… I never meant…I mean I would never hurt you”

“Get off me!” she sobs. Her cheek hurts. She wipes the blood from under her nose on her hand. As Sonny pulls Clay away from her.

Sonny lifts her up, helping her stand “Tip your head back. Lemmee look” he gently examines her cheek and nose; she flinches every time he touches it. The dull ache all over her face as he studies her lip. “Nothing broke I don’t think”

“Fucking hurts like hell though!” she grimaces trying to smile at him. Sonny’s worried and he turns on Clay and Alex “You!!” he points at Alex first “You get the hell out, right now, otherwise you’ll have me to answer to! I don't know what the hell you thought you were doin, comin here but you go, right now!”

“No, I not leaving her here, not with him not like this. Look what he did”

Clay turns the anger fills his face, but this time Sonny pushes him back on to the couch “You, you sit your fuckin ass down there, and you don't move!” He takes a breath, looking around trying to sort the mess out “Clay, you need to calm the hell down!”

This has gotten way out of hand. They all look up towards the bedroom doorway as Casey starts to cry. Sonny takes a breath rubbing his head. He heads to the outer door and opening it he gestures out “I told you …go!”

“I’m not going anywhere!” Alex wipes the blood from his mouth, spitting the blood on to the back of his hand. Kelsey’s watching him. She's not sure what to say to either of them now and Clay gives her this pitiful look.

"Kelsey I’m sorry"

"I know." She nods accepting his apology “It was an accident, I know that.” she takes a deep breath, placing her hand on his cheek and she smiles as gently she places a kiss on his lips “I’m sorry too. I never meant for this. I should have told you, but it was complicated” She bites her cheek and turns towards Alex, she takes a deep breath “You need to do what Sonny says. You need to go!” He goes to speak, and she puts her hand up stopping him “Alex, please don’t say anything else. You’ve done enough damage. I can’t see you anymore so just go!”

“Fine!" he sighs nodding his head "If that’s really what you want?”

“Yes ... yes it is” she gulps, it hurts, watching the look on his face, it really hurts her heart. They've been friends for so long she can't begin to imagine a world without him, but she knows it has to be. He’s hurt, physically, emotionally and she wants to help him, but she can’t. She bites her lip as he turns at the doorway one last time looking at her. He doesn’t say a word, just nods watching her then he goes.

She closes her eyes tight the tears drip down her face. She takes a deep breath. “I need to sort Casey” she wipes her cheek.

Clay grabs at her waist he wants to comfort her. “I’m sorry!”

“Get off me! Please.... just leave me alone, Clay!” she pushes him away “I need to go and sort Casey out”

“Kelsey please…” he makes a grab for her hand “At least let me get some ice for your face.”

“No! I said just leave me alone!”

She disappears into the dimly lit bedroom as Sonny stops him following, pulling him away. “Clay man, just leave her be!”

“Sonny, I need to talk to her. Tell her I’m sorry.”

“No, no you need to leave her alone. Look Clay, normally I’d say don’t listen to any of my advice bout women, but this time, trust me. Just let her cool down. You need to cool down.” He heads to the kitchen, taking two beers from the fridge, popping the tops from them both he hands one to Clay. The other he drinks, tipping it back quickly filling his mouth trying to rid it of the bad taste _Fuck!_ He rubs at his head “You know, I’ve seen you do some dumb shit Clay, but that there… what you did to him, jeez man that’s gotta be the dumbest move ever” he sighs

Clay slumps down on the couch. He looks around at the mess, the up turned tables, the books and magazines strewn around, the tipped over pot plant. He sighs running his hands though his hair as he thinks about how much he lost it with Alex. He even scared himself.   
  
“Oh shit! Sonny, you think he’s gonna report this, report me to Blackburn, Lindell?”

“I dunno Clay. What’s he gonna say, I mean, he aint exactly acted in a manner becoming of an officer either so .. I’m sure he can’t preach. Let’s just hope he gets on that plane with his tail between his legs and disappears for good.”

“Yeah!” Clay takes a long drink from the beer, sighing loudly “Oh hell what am I gonna do?”

“ ‘Bout what?” Sonny frowns he leans over the breakfast bar staring, watching Clay sitting in despair.

“I mean, about Kelsey. About us.”

“Just give it some time alright, let things cool down, talk ta her tomorrow. Look she obviously wants to be with ya, but she’s hurtin right now. Hell, no matter if you like him or not, he was her friend. But you’ve gotta cool it man, you can’t keep getting all steamed like this.”

“I know .. I know” _Shit!_ Clay rubs his head. He can hear Casey; he’s still crying as Kelsey comes to the doorway. He stands up and looks at her as she waits quietly at the door “You okay?” he frowns, concerned.

“Um ..yeah, I just need his changing bag, please. It’s in the kitchen”

“Yeah um.. sure, I’ll get it. I’ll bring it through” Clay smiles, she doesn’t return it, but she nods. He can see the large swelling of red and purple bruise on her face, the cut on her lip.

So can Sonny and he frowns “Shit! She’s gonna have a hellva a shiner tomorrow”

“Sonny don’t!” Clay sighs, he feels sick thinking about what he did, knowing it was his temper that caused it. He heads to the kitchen, tipping what’s left of his beer down the sink. He gathers up the changing bag.

Sonny drains his beer in one go “You know what… I’m gonna get off, leave you two to it! Take it slow man. I’ll speak to ya tomorra and let me know if ya need anythin “

“Sonny…” Clay frowns as he watches Sonny head to the door “Thanks. I don’t know what I’d do without ya brother”

“ Yeah me either Clay, me either” he laughs slapping him on the back.

The door clicks shut, and Clay takes the changing bag to the bedroom. He takes a deep breath as he stands in the doorway watching as Kelsey feeds Casey. She’s sat in the low light of the star lamp that he bought. The white patterns jumping around on the ceiling. He gives her an apprehensive smile as he places the bag on the bed

“You need anything else?”

“Um… no. Clay....” she shakes her head hesitating a moment, the atmosphere awkward and stilted between them “...thanks!”

They focus staring at each other and finally he breaks the deadlock with a smile “Can I um... sit down?”

“Yeah...sure!” She nods, moving her legs, pulling the support pillow around, making herself more comfortable. She leans back, relaxing against the headboard. Clay smiles, gently he strokes the top of Casey’s head, while he feeds. She looks at him and now she too smiles, quickly wiping a tear from her cheek.

Clay’s hand gently touches her face, the purple redness it looks sore and he feels a terrible guilt “I’m sorry, you know I never meant to do that. I mean I never... ”

“I know. It was an accident, I know that. I shouldn't have tried to get between you" she smiles at him reassuringly placing her hand on top of his "Though I can’t imagine how Alex feels, this hurts enough” she laughs “Sorry....sorry I didn’t mean that, it was a joke” she smiles touching his face, stroking his cheek "Clay you shouldn't have done that, to Alex I mean. You should have talked to me, told me how you felt. I would have dealt with it, with him. But to hit him like that...you could have killed him" she sighs

“No .. no, I know” he frowns contemplating what happened.

They sit quietly, for a while. Casey still feeding. Clay strokes her hair and then very carefully he places his lips against hers kissing her. _Owww!_ She grimaces as he touches the cut on her lip, and she pushes him back “Clay don’t”

“Sorry! Look, I’ll get some ice. Do you think you need a doctor to look at that?”

“No, no it'll be fine, I’m sure. Don't worry "

"Maybe I'll get Trent to check it tomorrow, just to be sure. Oh my god I'm so sorry"

"Clay…leave it, its fine." she sighs "Come here. Sit with us.”

He nods, pulling his blood-stained tee shirt up over his head, throwing it on the floor next to the bed and then sits himself up next to her. She leans her head against the warm of his bare skin and as Casey finishes feeding, they sit for a while longer quietly watching him sleep in her arms.

Eventually Kelsey lets out a long-tired sigh. It's late and she quietly lifts him up, placing him down in his crib to sleep. She watches him for a while longer and then placing her hand to her own cheek she gently massages the pain she can feel.

Clay's watching, he can see the hurt in her expression, and he stands up. Wrapping himself around her, he holds his arms around her waist, brushing his cheek gently against hers “I’m sorry” he whispers in her ear. She leans back against him as he kisses into the crevice of her neck.

“Me too! Look, I know I should have told you about me and Alex before, I was just... I just worried how you'd react" she sighs biting her lip nervously, enjoying his comfort. She's afraid to spoil the moment but something's playing on her mind and she needs to address it "Did you really need to go to the lawyer? I mean did you not trust me?” she turns around to face him, wrapping her arms around his neck, stroking the back of his head as she looks him in the eyes "Clay I would never take him away from you, never. No matter what he's your son. So please, no more secrets. Just ...just talk to me.”

“Okay. No more secrets I promise” He brushes his lips against her neck, kissing his way down her chest as he unties the belt on her robe, his hand finding its way inside onto her skin.

“Clay, stop it” she smiles awkwardly as his hand slides across her hip and over her butt before pushing her back on to the bed.

She lays there enjoying the warmth of his touch on her body _Mmmm! _She sighs as he smooths his hand over slowly over her skin. Pulling him closer, wrapping her arms tightly around his back. “Clay, I’m tired. Can we just sleep?”

“Yeah... yeah of course” he kisses her neck, wrapping her in his arms, pulling her close to his chest and as he does he watches as she closes her eyes “It's going to be okay now, you'll see"


	32. Trust me.

"Hey!"

"Oh, hey!" Clay looks up from his seated position on the couch. He smiles at her. He's feeding Casey with one of the bottles she expressed while he was out last night "I um... I didn't wanna disturb you, you were sleeping so peacefully, so I gave him one of the bottles from the fridge. Is that okay?"

"Yeah .. yeah that's fine" she smiles hesitantly. She feels awkward, unsure what to say after last night. It's more than obvious they both feel uncomfortable, dancing around the elephant in the room, just making random and polite conversation.

Looking around the apartment, she can see he's cleaned up the mess from the previous night's altercation. The tables are upright in position, the plant and soil back in its pot on top of the coffee table and the books and magazines sitting on the shelves where they belong.

She hesitantly smiles, standing in the bedroom doorway watching him, Casey in his arms, happily suckling on the bottle. She takes a long and slow intake of breath and then heads into the kitchen.

He frowns, looking at her face. It's now various shades of color from red, purple to black blue the bruising that's come up around her eye is a yellow color. "You okay?"

_Mm hmm!_ She nod, but quietly inside she feels a little dazed and though she won't say anything, her face really hurts "I'm just gonna make a coffee. Do you want one?"

"Um.. no. No, I'm good. You know what, here take him and sit down. I'll get it for you"

"No! No I'm fine and I ... I need a couple of pain killers; I have a bit of a headache" what she means is her jaw feels like someone punched her in the face. It's sore, it aches, and she needs something to take the edge off. She looks at the Tylenol in cupboard and takes two from the pot, swallowing them down with a large sip of water.

Her body is filled with nervous tension and her hands shake as she pours the coffee into the cup. Then as she places the coffee pot back on the machine, she pauses, staring at the black liquid in the cup "Clay um..." she sighs apprehensively "I..I need to tell you something. Something I was going to tell you yesterday but...well with everything that happened. Anyway, I just need you to listen"

"Okay..." frowning, he looks up giving her his full attention. He can feel himself take a deep breath, nervously apprehensive about what she's going to say "..I'm listening"

"I errm... I have an appointment. To see my CO. It's in a couple of weeks. It's just to talk. Discuss the potential of going back, to my post on the Charles, see what it involves" she grinds her teeth against each other and then turns to look at him. The breakfast bar separating them like a barrier   
"I ... I need to fly back for a couple of days. I figured while I was there that I'd pack my stuff up at the flat. Would that be okay? I .. I thought maybe I would leave Casey here, with you. I mean, we'd have to kinda wean him on to the formula milk, but it would be over a month by then and its gonna have to happen if I go back anyway."

"Okay..." Clay lets out that breath, slightly relieved by the caveat that Casey's staying behind. Whilst he knew this day might come he had been hoping that she might have changed her mind "um ...um yeah sure. I mean, sure about leaving him here"

"Well I thought you know it would give me chance to see what it would be like, how I'll cope, with leaving him, and I know he'll be fine with you. Plus, we have to get this family care plan together before I go so... if we do that and then you're not here, then it's a chance to put that in to practice. I mean, before I make any real commitments to going back"

"Um...yeah!" he sighs, his brain's ticking over, thinking everything though.

"You know, I think I'll take a shower " she smiles "I wanna wash my hair. Are you okay with him, for a bit longer?"   
  
As he nods his confirmation she looks up. There's a knock at the door "I'll get it. Stay there" she smiles looking as Casey lays, contentedly, in Clay's arms. She opens the apartment front door to find Sonny filling the door frame.   
  
For a moment they're both silent. Him hesitating, his mouth open in shock as he stares at the bruising on her face. She can tell what he's looking at and nervously puts her hand to her cheek covering it   
  
"Sonny!" she smiles "What are you doing here, so early. Is everything okay?"

"Um.... yeah. Yeah I'm fine. You good?" he frowns

"Yeah I'm fine. Please... don't stand there, come in" as she opens the door wider she notices he isn't alone. Trent and then Jason follow quietly behind him. "Oh hey!" she smiles feeling slightly embarrassed, she tries to hide her face from them.

Clay stands up with Casey in his arms, he's slight concerned to see Jason and Trent with Sonny "Hey, what's going on?" he questions, the frown lines on his face show his concerns.

"Oh, we just thought we'd check on ya, what with last night's little performance. Wanted to make sure everything here was okay" Sonny smiles

"You know um... I was gonna have a shower, if you'll excuse me" Kelsey hurries to leave.

"Oh no! No, you don't young lady" Sonny grabs hold of her arm, pulling her back "No you don't go hide up. I already filled them in on what happened"

"Sonny, no really I was really gonna take a shower. I ...."

"No, hush now! Trent's come here special to check you out, make sure there aint no damage there" he points at the bruise on her cheek.

Before she can say anything else, Jason places his hand against her chin and lifts her head so he can check what's happened. He lets out a long sigh and then he turns, staring at Clay "That your handy work?" he questions

"Um... " Clay feels awkward, guilty and nervous. He hesitates not sure what to says "I um... I guess. I ..."

"It's okay" Kelsey interrupts " it just was an accident. It wasn't Clay's fault. It was my own fault really; I was the one that stepped in, I should've been more careful. It's nothing. You know, I don't know why everyone's making such a fuss" she smiles, trying to laugh it off "Really, it's nothing"

"Yeah, well lucky for him, we got a team medic to take a look at you, off the record. Cos you know Clay..." Jason stares at him hard ".. if she had to go to the ER with that, you do now what they're gonna think, right?"

Clay takes a breath and nods "Look Jason , really it was an accident. You know I would never.."

"No that's bullshit Clay" Jason frowns angrily "you didn't keep it in control, that's what happened. So that's on you. I expect better from my team than that. Now you gotta be hoping Alex, doesn't go reporting you higher up the chain. Cos you know, Lindell's already looking to kick your ass, for going off grid with that politician, trying to pull strings on the Swanny thing." he sighs " What the hell's got into you Clay?"

Kelsey looks nervous hearing Jason shout. She hasn't seen him do that with his team before. She takes Casey from Clay's arms but doesn't say a word, just exchanges glances with Jason.

Trent feels awkward, he smiles at her "Why don't we go into the kitchen, there's more light in there and I'll take a quick look."

"No really, it's fine. I don't wanna make a fuss"

"Well, just let me check it's alright and then there won't be any fuss. Look, let's just be sure"

"Hey, you let Trent take a look, that's an order" Jason frowns at her.

"Kelsey just... " Clay steps forward but before he can say another word, or move, Jason pushes him back.

"Don't you move! We need to have words." 

Clay closes his eyes taking a deep breath, he knows Jason's just managed, in a few words, to slap him back into place.

Kelsey feels nauseous as she hears them talking. She takes a deep breath and passes Casey to Sonny "Can you just hold him for minute"

"Sure, thing" Sonny smiles as he takes the baby in his arms. There's something he likes about holding him, it makes him feel good. "Hey there lil champ. How ya doin today buddy. You being a good boy" he snuggles the baby against his chest. Taking him to the window to look out as he turns his back on Jason and Clay.

In the kitchen, under the brighter spotlight, Trent gently lifts her chin touching her face gently along the jawbone. Checking her eye and moving her head from side to side. She frowns, sighing loudly inconvenienced by his thoroughness _Awww! _she grimaces as he touches the bruising _Fuck! _"Stop!" she brushes his hand away "That hurts!"

"Okay, sorry. You got any headaches? Feel sick?"

"No! No, not really... maybe a little bit of a headache but I took a couple of pain killers, just before you came, but to be honest they haven't done a great deal"   
  
Trent looks at the container on the worktop "You took two of these? Okay, I can probably get you something a little bit stronger, but I'd need to check because you're still feeding the baby"

"Okay." she nods. "I mean don't go out of your way. I'm sure I'll be fine"

"You had any sickness, dizziness or blurred vision?"

"No, well not since it happened"

"Did you pass out or lose consciousness any time after?"

"No. No nothing. What is this ?" she frowns annoyed by all the questions. She looks around over her shoulder and catches Clay's eye. She smiles and he smiles back "Sorry, um.. no, just a bit dizzy a few seconds after it happened. It was just the shock I think." She sighs again "You know, he didn't mean it. It was an accident, just like he said. It was my fault, I got in the way"

"I'm not worried about that I'm just here to make sure you're okay" Trent smiles and there's something about it that's reassuring "There's gonna be questions when anyone sees that bruising, that's all"

"Questions? What Questions" she frowns "Who's asking questions. That's just bullshit." She takes a breath. Closing her eyes calming her reaction "So um... how long, before this bruising goes down?"

"Well, it's probably gonna get worse before it gets better for a few days more" Trent frowns "Sorry, guess that's not what you wanna hear."

"No. No, it's not. I have an appointment with my CO in a couple of weeks, do you think it will be gone down by then? " she sighs, again looking at Clay as he and Jason talk, nervously she bites at her lip wondering what it's all about.

"You got some antiseptic cream here? If you have you need to put it on your lip, just until it heals over"

"Yeah, yeah sure." She can feel herself welling up with tears, suddenly getting emotional at Trent's kindness, the shock of last night starts to overwhelm her "Sorry...sorry, I'm just tired. You know if we're done I'm gonna take that shower now and get dressed"

"Yeah sure" Trent smiles at her "Kelsey, are you really alright?"

_Mmmm! _"Yeah fine. Thanks." She smiles "Excuse me"

"She okay?" Jason sighs, looking over his shoulder as he watches her disappear into the bedroom.

"Yeah" Trent nods "Nothing broken. She's gonna be a bit sore for a while, bruising will come out in the next few days, but she'll be okay"

"She'll _be okay_. You heard that Clay? She's gonna be okay!"

Clay rubs his head; he takes a deep breath as the words trip his guilt "Jason I ..."

"Shut the hell up!" Jason shoves Clay back against the door, holding his hand against his chest "What the fuck did you think you were doin'? I told you last night to leave it but no, no you can't listen. Now look, look what you did!"

"I know and I've told her I'm sorry. I just lost it for a minute. Seeing him here, pawing at her. I thought I was gonna lose everything"

"You just lost it?!" Jason frowns as he paces back and forward, rubbing his head, he's now trying to calm himself from losing it with Clay "What the hell are you gonna do if he calls this in? Clay, you're a tier one operator, you just about put a guy, no an officer, in the hospital, aside from the fact that you managed to rearrange your girlfriends face. How do you think that's gonna look to a review board? How the hell am I gonna explain that? I mean, who's gonna believe it's an _accident _?"

Kelsey looks at them from where she's hovering, listening in the doorway. She hesitates then speaks up "He's gone" she coughs awkwardly as she interrupts them "Alex. He's gone. He's not gonna do anything " She takes a deep breath as they all look around and stare at her.

"What you talked him?" Clay frowns "When?"

"He um... he text me" she swallows nervously she can feel all their eyes focusing on her "He said he got a flight, it left at 4am. He's not going to be back" she takes a breath, blinking her hot tears away.

"Well that's good " Jason's breaths with a slight relief "Sorry I have to ask but did he mention anything about Clay, about reporting him for what happened"

"No!" she shakes her head "No, he didn't mention what happened but .. he won't. He won't report it"

"You sure about that? Look sorry, but I'm concerned to know how much trouble might come Clay's way"

"I'm sure... well from what I know of Alex " she bites her lip anxiously she can see Clay watching her "He um... he's not gonna want people to know that Clay got the better of him. He likes his reputation too much" she laughs " I can't see him saying anything. I mean, he's been in fights, with military guys before, he doesn't go that route. What I mean is, he doesn't use his position, as an officer, to sort it out or he never has"

"We'll let's just hope he sticks to it then" Jason sighs, turning to look at Clay "Sounds like you might have had a lucky escape"

"It's gonna be fine" she smiles at Clay "I'm just ... you know, the shower" She nods acknowledging them all before she disappears to the bedroom.

Jason's shaking his head as he looks at Trent something about the expression on her face concerns him "You sure she's alright?"

"Yeah, she'll just need some pain killers for a couple day that's all. Think it's just sore"

"Right so, you got it all out ya system now. You gonna let it go?"

Clay nods, sitting himself on the couch, his head in his hands "Yeah.. yeah I'm sorry. Look Jason..." Just as he speaks there's a chorus of bleeping cell phones

_Shit!_ Jason pulls his from his pocket, checking the message "Alright get your gear together, looks like we gotta go!"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

** _ 17 days later  _ **

Things have been so good recently between Kelsey and Clay, they're getting into a routine with Casey. They've even found a new two-bedroom apartment which they'll move into in the next couple of weeks.

Casey's laid in his crib watching the wind-up musical elephant mobile, going around over his head. It has six small elephants on it and Kelsey smiles as she watches him kicking his legs as he goes around over his head.

"Hey!" Clay smiles. He arrives back from training putting his bag on the floor by the door then he comes to the bedroom. She's stood over the bed filling a small suitcase with clothes. He wraps his arms around her waist, kissing her neck watching as she folds a bra packing it into the bag "What're you doing?" he frowns

"I...I just thought I'd start some of this packing, get my case ready. I'm gonna try keep it to this small one then I can bring some stuff back with me." She sighs

"You okay?"

"Yeah... yeah. You're gonna be okay, right?" she frowns turning her head, looking over her shoulder at him "I mean with Casey, on your own. You've got this?" she turns around now to face him.

"Yup! I have my list of instructions that you gave us, and worst case, well we have our care plan. So, I can put that into action and ring Ash" he frowns.

"Yeah well as long as you're sure he'll hold up his end" she smiles "Then it should all be fine"

"Are you really alright, you sound a little off" She nods as he kisses her "Oh hey, I meant to ask, how did you get on with the check-up this morning."

"You mean our six-week check-up? Um ...yeah, it was fine, with both of us. Everything's back where it should be and in working order again" she smiles "Guess that's one more tick box ticked"

"Everything's working again? Should I like that sound of that?" He frowns "Ohhhh!.." he smiles "Does that mean we can um... you know, now"

"Maybe!" she grins teasingly biting her lip. "We'll see"

_Mmmm!_ He leans forward, kissing her but as he does he pulls a more serious face. Picking up the pair of red lace panties, that he can see laying on the bed beside her case. He frowns "Why are you taking these with you?"

"I wasn't!" She snatches them back " I wasn't _taking_ them anywhere. They were ...supposed to be a surprise, for later" she smiles "But now you've ruined it!"

"A surprise!? What .. you mean a _surprise_, surprise, for me?"

"Maybe. But like I said you've ruined it now, so no surprise"

_Mmmm! _He groans rubbing his groin gently against her "Oh believe me, that's one surprise that's not ruined!" he smiles overcome with excitement at the sight of the small fabric garment, his body stiffens at the mere thought of her wearing them, his hardness pressing against his fly "So are you saying we can.... that we can...well you know?"

"I'm saying, maybe we could try, yes" she smiles, temptingly.

"Oh god!" he starts to pull at her tee shirt trying to take it off, putting hand to his fly to unzip his pants

"Woah! Woah! Hold on there sailor!" she laughs "First...first, your son needs a bath, a bottle and putting to bed. Then I thought maybe ...."she smiles as she walks her fingers up the white clingy tee shirt covering his chest, biting her lip seductively "we could um...have a bath and then maybe early night. If you wanted to?" she leans in and kisses him softly.

"Oh yeah! Oh yeah, yeah! I definitely wanna do that." he smiles, leaning in pressing his lips back against hers. He kisses, her the way he wants her, like right now. Sliding his tongue in her mouth finding hers as they tease against each other. Then she breaks the kiss and smiles. Backing him off, calming the heat in the moment.   
  
He responds by making a grab at her waist, his hands kneading at her ass, pulling her closer again "You know what Casey!" he calls out as he breaks his hold of her "It's time for Daddy to bath you and then early bedtime"

She laughs watching him so eager. He picks Casey up, holding him tight against his shoulder then he can't help but take in the sudden whiff of the smell that fills his nostrils "Oh god! Casey, your diaper stinks"

"Oh yeah..." she laughs ".. that was the other thing I meant to say, he needs changing. I thought I'd leave you with it. I mean, I need to rest up what with all this physical activity you want me to do later." she smiles toying with the red panties in front of her.

"Kelsey Roberts!" Clay frowns "You are such a tease. But yeah, you...you just take some Rn R, cos you are gonna need all your energy later "

"Wow!" She kisses him " Sounds like you really wanna see these red kickers in action" she smiles "Oh and um..." she coughs awkwardly "you need to go to the pharmacy first. You know we're gonna need some .... some protection this time. I know I'm still feeding him on and off, but we need to more careful now. I mean, last thing we need is any more complications " she smiles.

"Oh no see... I've already taken care of that!" he pulls out the drawer in the side table by the bed and holds up the box of condoms "I'm a Seal, I'm always prepared for anything. Don't worry I've been ready for this moment"

"Really!" She laughs "Anyone would think you've been giving this some thought"

"Oh, trust me, I've been thinking about nothing else" he puts his arm around her neck, holding Casey to his body with his other hand. He can feel a tension in her shoulders as he holds her "You okay?" he frowns "You do want to do this, right? I mean I don't wanna pressure you. I can wait. I mean, I don't wanna wait.. but I will, if you're not ready"

_Mmmm!_ she nods showing her nervousness "No, I'm ready. I mean, I do want to it's just... I... I don't know, I'm just...just a little nervous I guess. Worried in case it's not the same for you now"

"Hey...hey, trust me, it's gonna be great! And believe me, it's gonna be me saying sorry. Because how ready I am right now..." He sighs ".. imaging in you in these. I am not gonna last that long" He smiles trying to offer some reassurance as he feels her apprehensive, the look in her face one of concern "Hey seriously, it's gonna be fine. Look, we'll take it slow and if you wanna stop, we stop alright. We go at your pace".

She nods and smiles "I love you Clay. I just want it to be good for you!"

"And it will be. Now..." he places a kiss against her neck " I really need to get him changed, cos...well, he smells _soooo _bad"

"I know!" she laughs "I think I'll leave you to handle that." she pats him on the chest, handing him the red lace panties "Good luck!"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Bathed, fed and changed into his little blue pajamas, Casey's now sound asleep.

Clay's leans over his crib watching him, gently stroking his finger against his cheek. "Sleep tight little man" he loves watching him, his chin moving up and down as he sucks on his comforter. The small grey, soft elephant toy in the corner of his crib.

Clay can't believe how lucky he feels and then as he looks up Kelsey's stood in the bathroom doorway, hair piled on top of her head, wrapped only in a small pink towel _Oh wow!_ He smiles thinking how he feels twice as lucky right now.

"So...Clay Spenser" she coughs nervously as she calls his name. "..you coming for this bath or not? " she smiles, tempting him to come towards her.

"Oh yeah.... yeah I am coming. You can be sure of that." he grins. Parts of him pulse as the hormones race through his body. He's so excited, his groin springing to life with the thoughts of the evening ahead.

He pulls at the hem of his tee-shirt, lifting it up over his head and then quickly undoing his pants, dropping them beside the bed and then wrapping his arms around her waist, he prizes the towel from her grip. Throwing it to the floor he strokes his hand gently over her, now, naked body. Feeling and caressing his fingers along every curve.  
  
Pulling her close, her naked breasts pressing against his bare chest. The feeling of skin against skin turns him on. He looks down at the fullness of her soft mounds, rubbing the pad of his thumb over her nipple. It's his turn to tease her. _Mmmm!_ he moans "Oh, you are gorgeous Kelsey Roberts and that training you've been doing ...it is really paying off"

"Oh, keep talking like that and it will get you everywhere" she grins, placing her lips to the strength of his neck, dropping firm kisses against it, making gentle teasing bites "I'm glad you approve"

"Oh god yeah!" _Mmmm!_ Clay groans as the hardness in his shorts fights against the fabric. He slides them down leaving them on the tiles as his hands grab at her butt, forcing himself against her

"C'mon" she smiles beckoning him to the warm bath water.

They lay there, together, she puts her head back onto Clay's chest running her hand up and down his thigh as he wraps his legs around her. "You okay? You're very quiet?" he frowns questioning.

_Mmmm!_ "Yeah, just thinking that's all"

"Anything you wanna share?"

"No, nothing much, just..." she sighs " just how much I'm gonna miss you both. While I'm away"

"Hey, it's just two days, tops, there and back. You'll be fine" He smiles apprehensively, not admitting he's gonna miss her too. He kisses down the side of her neck, sponging the warm water over her naked body.

"You really think we can do this? I mean cope when I'm at sea. If I feel like this for two days how's it gonna be when I have to go for longer?"

"Hey, it will be fine. Of course, you're gonna be apprehensive you've been away for a while now. Just first day nerves, don't worry. You're gonna do great. Now, let's stop worrying about you being away and concentrate on you being here, right now, naked in this bathtub"

She smiles as his hands caress over her breasts, across her stomach and then down between her thighs _Mmmm _she lays back closing her eyes, her body tingling under his touches

"Let's get out of here. I've got something much more urgent to take care of. Like me pressing my body against yours"   
  
She smiles. Sitting up then she climbs out and wraps a towel around herself. As he gets out she strokes her hand slowly over his chest _  
  
Mmmm!_ she groans, her hand feeling its way over the curve of his muscles, the strength of his arms and then to the hardness between his legs. "Oh, I guess someone can't wait. Think we're going to have to think of ways to take care of this while I'm away."

"Well they have this thing called video messaging " he smiles "So I'm sure we can think of something to pass the time 'til you get back" He kisses her full on the lips. She flinches as he touches against the split on her lip it's still not healed fully and though most of the bruising from her face has faded and she can cover it now with make-up, when he's close up he still notices where the worst bruise was on her cheek. He strokes his finger against it "I'm sorry.."

"Hey, stop it! We talked about that. Now come here" she wraps her arms around his neck kissing him. Gently his hand smooths up her waist to her breast. _Mmmm!_ she smiles as he pushes her backwards, out of the bathroom and then onto the bed. She takes a deep breath as she lies back.

"You okay?" he frowns staring her in the face, brushing the loose strands of hair back from her shoulder.

_Mmmm hmmm!_ she nods nervously

"It's gonna be fine. You just need to relax" he smiles, his tongue pressing against her lips and she closes her eyes embracing the firm wet of his mouth.

"Yeah" she sighs quietly as he grinds his naked flesh against hers, his body wedged between her legs "Wait! Wait....Clay stop! Um.." she frowns, apprehensively pushing at his chest with her hands so she can look him in the eyes ".. before you get carried away, we need, you know. " she nods, gesturing towards the drawer

"Oh yeah! Shit sorry!" he rummages his hand in the drawer and opens up the packet. For some reason he feels nervously excited his hands shaking with testosterone filled adrenaline he struggles with putting the condom in place. Then he smiles, kissing her gently. Her eyes glance to the side, quickly checking the crib while Clay sorts himself, she wants to ensure Casey's still sleeping. Anxiously afraid that they might wake him. She sighs.   
  
"Sorted" he smiles. Looking at the tension in her eyes "You still wanna do this?"

_Mmmm hmm!_ she nods and then she laughs out loud "Don't say it like that, it makes me feel like it's my first time again" She has to admit that's exactly how she feels, except this time she knows what to expect but still doesn't make her less apprehensive and she can feel herself tensing up.

She's so very nervous as his fingers probe her body touching against gently, softly stroking his hand down between her legs, teasing at the hard-little bud . It makes her tingle, shooting pleasure up her body, causing excitement _  
  
Mmmm! _She sighs as he works fingers against it. The hairs on her arms bristle with need and then she closes her eyes to the feeling of the sudden hard thrust, Clay pressing his weight into her._Awww fuck!_ she takes sucks in a breath, her heart beating fast as he pushes the whole of his hardness inside her and for the first time she opens her eyes and smiles.

"You okay?" He hesitates, frowning as he watches her eyes flicker and the tense nervous expression filling her face.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" She smiles, desperately trying to be relaxed, her hand on his cheek, stroking it she leans forward and kisses him.

He continues pressing, grinding against her. His groans of enjoyment get louder, his hand groping at her body, tugging her closer. "Oh god!! He moans out loud, closing his eyes. Now he's lost in the moment, right on the edge of a pleasure he's not felt in a while "Ohhhh!.... Kelsey I love you so much!"

She grins, she can feel as his want for her explodes. He takes a deep groaning breath, his chest heaving against her and then he makes one groaning sigh and his weight collapses down against her. "Oh god! That was...._mmmm_" 

He kisses her and as he does both their faces fill with the same annoyed frown. The room filled by the now familiar sound of his cell phone bleeping. "Oh shit!" he takes a deep breath "You gotta be kiddin me!"

She sighs, disappointed. Biting her lip, she can't explain why but her eyes fill with tears. He rolls over, disposing of the condom and then taking his phone from the side table, he checks it.

She sits up wiping the tear that leaked out from her cheek. Watching him look at the message but he doesn't have to say it, she already knows what it says "You're getting spun up?"

"I'm sorry" he sighs, nodding. He strokes her hair back from her face, kissing her "Sorry but I'm gonna have to go"

"It's okay" she smiles reluctantly "Clay, come here"

She kisses him as he touches her gently, wiping the wet of the tear from her face "Are you okay? I didn't hurt you or anything"

"No. No I'm good" She smiles "Really, I'm great. Um... you gonna be back before my flight?"

"Oh shit! err.. you know I don't know." He rubs his head trying to think what to do "Look, call Ash tomorrow and explain, I'm sure he'll have Casey for you. After all that was the part of the plan he agreed"

She sighs, wrapping the sheet around her body to cover it. "You know um... I could take him with me, I have time to add him on to my flight booking" She rubs at her head. Annoyed that even this first two-day trip has already been hit with problems "Oh ...shit! I'm gonna need to chase up his passport. You know, I can't believe that still hasn't come through yet. It's been two or three weeks since you said you applied for it"

Clay's getting dressed and as he takes some clean shorts from the drawer, he hesitates. His hand is hovering by his underwear. He takes a deep breath placing his fingers to the passport he hid there. He swallows anxiously while he considers what to do "Kelsey....it did come! The passport" he takes it from the drawer and holds it towards her

"What?...When?" she frowns looking up at him"You didn't say anything"

"Yeah I um... I forgot to tell you. It came a couple of days ago and I put it in the drawer for safe keeping, I completely forgot all about it. Sorry"

"Oh..." she frowns a little confused "oh okay, um...well that's great. It's a relief. So then, I'll just add him on to my ticket. We're only gonna be a couple of days, so it will save disturbing Ash's routine"

"Yeah" he smiles hesitantly. Taking a breath "Look I need to get dressed. I need to go"

"Clay..." She stands up, wrapped in the bed sheet, she can see the apprehension in his expression, and she puts her hand to his face "Hey look at me. You're okay with this, I mean him coming with me?"

"Yeah, yeah ... sure why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, I just get the feeling that you're not okay with it" She stands looking at him, her hands reassuringly stroking his arms "Clay, I'm coming back, alright? Just trust me "

"Yeah, yeah I do! ... I do, really. I trust you. I'm just ... oh ignore me" he grabs at her head kissing her "I'm gonna miss you both so much, that's all. You gonna be alright on your own, yeah?"

"Yeah.. yeah I'll be fine. It's just a couple of days. We can do this" She smiles, her hand stroking down the side of his face, her fingers teasing through his hair " I love you!"

"I love you too! "

Clay grabs his bag. He kisses Kelsey goodbye as she holds Casey in the doorway. He strokes his fingers against his sleepy son's cheek

"We'll see you in a couple of days." She smiles "Clay... be careful"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

As she hovers in the airport foyer waiting with her bags, Casey in his travel seat, he's still crying and she tries to sooth him. She's so tired and tearful, the flight longer than she remembered. Casey didn't sleep, grisly and crying for most of it. It became very stressful, even though the cabin crew were great helping her. But eventually no matter how hard she tried to ignore them, the _tuts _and sighs from other passengers got to her frayed nerves, and as they got closer to landing, the thought of the two hour drive back to Portsmouth really filled her with dread. 

But now as she stands waiting, a much bigger dread fills her head. A dread of stupidity wondering if she's done the right thing. Too late! 

She's about to find out as she turns around to face the voice calling her from behind. "Hey! Sorry I had trouble finding somewhere to park. Are you okay?" He frowns looking at her face " How was the flight?"

"Oh..." she snivels, wiping her nose on the back of her hand "not good!" she sucks in the tearful emotions, the tiredness consuming her. "Oh fuck!... Sorry, sorry I'm just... just so tired"

"Hey c'mon, lets get you to the car. You can sleep on the way back. I got you some groceries in and went and put the heating on at the flat before I left so you won't have to worry" 

"Alex...." She smiles "... thanks. Thanks, for doing this, coming to get us, I mean. I really didn't know who else to call"

"Hey, I'm here... always. You know that. After all, that's what friends are for, right" He grabs her around the neck and kisses the top of her head. Then he picks up Casey's travel seat and her case, just leaving her with the small baby bag. "C'mon let's get your mummy home"


	33. I've lost my son!

“Kelsey! Hey Kelsey, wake up!... Hey c'mon, you okay?”

_Mmmm!_ “What?" she opens her eyes, looking out of the window. The car has now stopped and is parked. As she looks out of the window, she can see that it’s raining. Then she smiles, leaning over the seat to check on Casey, he's in his travel seat, strapped in the front of the vehicle. He's awake and he beams a smile at her.

Checking the time on her watch, it's late morning and she yawns as they get out of the vehicle. The jet lag and tiredness filling her body. Alex carries the car seat and her suitcase for her, as she unlocks the door to her flat and let's them in. 

Kelsey takes a deep breath, sniffing in the familiar scent of her favorite vanilla potpourri. She looks around. Nothing’s moved from where she left it when she left a few weeks ago. It feels odd that even though it’s been a while long it feels like she's only been gone days.

Alex places Casey's seat down on the floor, un-clipping the straps he lifts him out "Hey little guy" he smiles holding him tight against his chest.

Kelsey's in the kitchen and she runs her hand along the work surface, picking up the canisters on the side. She smiles, lifting the one filled with teabags "Do you want a cup of tea, Alex?"

"Um ... yeah sure"

She fills the kettle and switches it on. Letting out a long sigh, she relaxes. It feels nice, the still quiet, the peace and calm after the bustle of the plane and airport. Her head settles and the headache of tiredness begins to fade. She yawns. 

“Hey Kelsey, I think he might need changing”

"Um ...yeah sure. I’ll do it. Do you wanna finish the tea" She takes Casey from his arms and picking up the changing bag she heads to the smaller room, just off the side hallway.

As she opens the door she takes another deep breath and a big smile crosses over her face as she looks into the room. The grey and cream painted nursery that she made ready, prepared for her baby to arrive and now here she was with him in her arms and he's never been in there.

"This is your room Casey. Do you like it? ” She smiles at him, rocking him in her arms. Her fingers fondle gently over the teddies on the mobile, stroking her hand along the side of the white painted crib. Grinning as she touches cream teddy printed bedding. 

She remembers getting the crib ready, that was the morning she decided to get the flight to see Clay. She laughs shaking her head, not so much regretful but laughing at the madness that overtook her that day.   
  
Placing her free hand on the nursing chair she gently rocks it as she looks at the small white table next to it. It contains a night light, baby care book and a small silver picture frame. She frowns picking it up looking at the picture, a photograph of her and Clay. It was one from her phone, the selfie they took, his arms wrapped around her, from the days before she found out she was pregnant. 

It was this photo that morning, reminding her how much she missed him, that made her leave to go see him. She smiles stroking her finger over the glass. “I wonder what your daddy's doing right now." She sighs "I just hope he’s safe” She takes a deep breath, tired hot tears well in the bottom of her eyes. “Right… let’s get you cleaned up”   
  
She lays him on the changing unit, it’s the one thing she wishes they had at Clay's apartment "Maybe in the new place, hey?" she smiles as Casey smiles at her, stroking her finger against his cheek. His smile is so much like Clay’s.

As she opens his diaper and changes him into a clean one he starts to cry again. She lifts him up, holding his warm naked flesh against her chest. “You hungry?” she cuddles him close, the tension and annoyance that she felt with him earlier, when she was stressed on the aircraft, is now all gone and she holds him tight.   
  
Sitting herself in the rocking chair, she unbuttons her shirt and bra to feed him. This is one time she's grateful she doesn't have to prepare a bottle, too exhausted even to think about getting all that prepped. This is nice, relaxing in the quiet of the baby’s room.

“Hey...” Alex stands the cup of tea on the table beside her. He can't help but watch her feeding the baby. He smiles. It makes her feel slightly awkward and uncomfortable and she pulls her shirt across covering herself as much as she can “ Um.. I was thinking I'll go and get us something for lunch, some sandwiches or something ?”

“Yeah…yeah something to eat would be good. I was in the toilet when they brought the last meal around on the plane” she laughs to herself “Can't tell you how hard it is to change a baby in one of those small cubicles”

He smiles at her, still watching Casey feed. He swallows nervously, grinding his teeth together "I’ve missed you Kelsey"

She look up and smiles “I missed you too” she takes his hand in hers, stroking it gently "Thank you for coming to get me, even if I felt like some stupid damsel in distress standing there, crying. So pathetic really, especially when I’m now going to try and sell the story that I can be a Lieutenant on a Royal Navy warship right”.

“Hey.. come on, be fair on yourself. It was a long flight, with a small baby and on your own. That’s not easy. Anyway, you made the right decision, calling me to come get you. So, don't be so hard on yourself”

“You’re right, I’m just tired” she smiles again letting go of him as she adjusts Casey to the other side.

“Look, I was thinking… your appointment, with your CO, why don't I watch Casey for you while you go, then you won't have to worry about childcare”

“You sure? I mean I have a medical at ten and then I’m going to see the CO at noon. I shouldn't be too long after that"

“Yeah I’m good. I’ve got the week off so I can be here”

“Okay thanks” Then she laughs out loud "He's smart you know, Captain Jones. He um.. he arranged the interview on-board the Charles, while she's docked”. She laughs again "talk about tug at my emotions. I just can't imagine how it’s going to feel, walking back on-board after all this time"

"You having doubts, I mean about going back"

_Mmmm!_ “Yeah maybe, a few. I mean, why wouldn't I right? I have to leave my baby, my home, Clay and all because... because selfishly want to do a certain job”

“Yeah but it’s not just a job though is it. It’s a career and one you worked hard for. All those long nights revising about weapons guidance systems, codes and protocols to get your promotion. That’s not an easy thing to do. And I mean, it’s not exactly like you chose to get pregnant. So, to just give it all up. Kelsey, you have to give yourself a shot at this and anyway, I’m sure you can make it work. Clay will just have to pull his weight."

"Don't alright!” she snaps at his comment “Clay's doing his best. His jobs not easy Alex. It’s not routine as much as ours. You know, he gets called away at a moment’s notice, has to leave everything he knows and loves, to go put his life on the line. I can't ask him to give up it up. You said I worked hard for mine, well trust me, Clay's invested a hellva lot more in being a seal than I could ever commit"

"Yeah I get that, I do. I know those guys don't have it easy and that's coming from my position. And just because I don't like Clay, it doesn't mean I don't respect what he does"

She smiles, shaking her head at him.

“What?” he frowns

“You… being honest that you don't like Clay. But why?”

“I don’t know. Oh, I know he's intelligent, I mean.. yeah, he's really smart and his languages well puts my four to shame. I can't knock that. But he's arrogant, and a smart ass. His age I suppose. But then… I’d guess he doesn't like me much either”

"Yeah” she smiles “you could be right but it’s for um... pretty much the same reasons that you don’t like him”

"You know one thing surprised me, that he let you bring Casey. After what he said about the lawyer I never thought he'd let him come to the UK. Did he not have a problem with it”?

"No .. no, I don't think so and anyway, there wasn’t much choice. He got spun up the night before. It was a bit upheaval to ask Ash at such short notice and Ray and Naima are in the middle of moving to a new house so ... I figured it was easier if he came with me. You know…” she laughs “I had the romantic notion that he would just sleep the whole way on the plane and it would all be easy. Boy did he give me a wake up call to that idea!”

“Well… he looks peaceful enough now” he watches as the baby closes his eyes sucking contently at Kelsey breast. Alex strokes her cheek, "You look good. You look well" taking a deep breath he smiles "How about I go get this food then, I won’t be long"

“Thanks, I'll feed him, put him down for a sleep, and then have a shower, you have your key right?”

“Yeah. I’ll be back soon" he leaves. Wistfully looking back, watching her in the nursing chair he smiles and then he quietly closes the door.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

“Hey Goldilocks, so what’s up with you? You been quiet”

“Nothing” Clay sits with his head leaned back against the side of the plane; he looks up at Sonny who’s standing over him. “No really I’m fine”

“Yeah well you don't look fine” Sonny drops down wearily next to him “ So, c’mon spill it. Wass eatin’ ya and don’t say nothin’ again!”

“Noth… oh, I don't know Sonny” he sighs, his eyes open and he turns his head to face his team mate next to him “It’s…it’s Kelsey”

“Oh, here we go!” Sonny sighs loudly “How did I know you were gonna say that. So, what's she done now?”

“Nothing... not really. It’s just I um... I had to let her take Casey with her, to the UK. When we got spun up. It just seemed the easiest thing to do at the time, rather than cause an argument but...well now I kinda regret it”

“Regret it, why?” Sonny frowns chewing on his toothpick, he takes a sip from the bottle of water in his hand his eyes staring hard at Clay “Hey wass goin on in that head of yours Clay?”

“I um… “ he hesitates, guilty and awkward about the way he feels “.. I’m worried"

“Worried? Okay so what the hell does that mean? I mean, it doesn’t really give me a lot to go on. Worried…worried something might happen to them or worried she’ll miss her flight? What… what you worryin’ about Clay?”

“I’m worried she won't come back. She’s taken him and she won’t come back” he puts his hand to his face, rubbing the tension in his eyes.

“Oh Clay, c'mon I thought we did this”

“Yeah… yeah I know but… “he bites his lip “what if she gets there and she likes it, likes being there”

“What you mean cos they all speak the same? She can get tea bags there.. they know the words to god save the queen .. what’s she gonna like better, Clay. Hell she aint got you there.”

“No!” Clay laughs “No, I mean what if it’s easier, she has her flat. I mean I saw picture of it, she made a beautiful nursery room for Casey and she has all her things there, her friends, her work. Its familiar to her. You know she's found it difficult here”

“Yeah.. but that's just cos of the situation. Oh, c’mon Clay cut her some slack. Everything happened so quick. Hell, she gave birth to a baby in bathroom of the bar, I’m sure that wasn't in her plan when she got on that flight. Course she gonna be outta wack for a while. But hey the guys all like her, she likes the guys. She fits in with everyone. I mean, c’mon must be the first time you met a girl that happened, right?” Sonny smiles but he can still see the concerned apprehension “Clay she's gonna come back okay. Just trust her”

“Yeah…” he sighs taking a deep breath “..yeah. I’m sure you're right”

“But you don't believe it do ya, not really not bein’ truthful. You still think she gonna cut ya loose”

“No…” he shakes his head No, I just .. look I'll just be glad to get this op over, get back and see her sittin there. Know what I mean?”

They both look up, Jason towers over them “Get jocked up. We got twenty minutes till go time” He frowns looking at the expression on Clay’s face “You alright?”

“Yeah ...yeah I’m good!"

He sighs deeply, standing up he unpacks his kit from his bag. Jason and Sonny exchange glances Sonny raising his eyebrows into a frown, he's really concerned.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

“Hi! I got some cheese and pickle rolls. I know they’re your favourite and some crisps. I figured you might not have had any for a wh…ile” his words peter off and he doesn’t finish his sentence. Smiling he can see Casey in his crib and Kelsey, head back, fast asleep in the rocking chair.

“Hey” he quietly whispers as he leans over and looks at Casey. Putting his finger to his hand, the little boy grabbing at it “Shh! Your mummy's sleeping” he smiles. 

Then he turns watching her for a while and he sighs again. Then sliding his arm under her legs, his other around her back he gently lifts her from the seat. She blinks, dazed she opens her eyes “Alex?” she frowns slightly confused.

“Shhh! Just gonna lay you down, you can sleep better” He carries her through to the other bedroom, gently dropping her against the mattress and taking hold of the quilt he covers her over.   
  
She turns on to her side and falls back into a deep sleep again. Alex smiles watching her for a few moments before he closes the bedroom. Placing the mugs into the sink, he then sits himself on the sofa, putting his feet up he switches on the TV. Leaning back into the cushion he relaxes and closes his own eyes

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

** Next day 15:10hrs  **

“Hi! Oh god I’m so sorry, I’m late. Everything went to shit, and I lost track of the time. I did send you a message did you get it?”

“Yeah. Everything’s been fine, don’t worry. He’s been a little grisly, but he's good. I think he was missing you”

“Hey there Casey, Mummy’s here now” She smiles taking him up into her arms “Thanks so much for this Alex. It was a great help”

“So, how’d it go?”

“Yeah .. “ she lets out a long sigh “Yeah it’s a lot to think about, for sure”

“But... you gonna do it?” he frowns he can see the look of anxiety on her face.

“Um… I’m gonna speak to Clay” she nods “See what he says but…but yes, I think so .. I mean I think I’m gonna give it a go.”

“Okay.. so, what then? Because look a little apprehensive there”

“Oh …oh, I’m not sure, I mean how Clay’s gonna take it. I kinda got the impression he let me come because he thought I might change my mind. Not wanna do it once I saw what it was going to involve. But…. oh my god” she smiles “being back on that bridge, the smell of the ship and the banter with the crew. I didn’t realise how much I missed it, until today. Alex, is it so wrong that I wanna go back? Am I making the wrong choice here” she sighs as she looks him in the eyes.

“Only you know if you want to do it. But for what it’s worth, in my opinion, no…no it’s not wrong. But its you and Clay who have to make that decision not me. I mean, if things had worked out how I wanted, with you here with me…” he brushes the stray strands of hair from her shoulder “…then would I be encouraging you to go for it” he smiles nodding “Yeah… yeah I would for sure. Kelsey, I think you need it. You certainly need more than sitting in some one bedroom, crummy flat in Virginia Beach.”

“Alex…” she frowns slightly annoyed by his comments “ we’re sorting the apartment, we’re getting a new place, two beds and a box room" she smiles "So that's not going to an issue”

“You still gonna be sitting at home all day” he laughs “No matter what the apartment. Oh, c’mon Kelsey, don’t kid yourself. That won't be enough for you.”

“Maybe it would. I mean I have Casey ..I have Clay. I can find things to do”

“Right okay ... well that's good then. So, don’t go back. I mean who wants to be a communications officer on a six-billion-pound warship away” he shrugs laughing sarcastically “Where would be the excitement in that?”

“Alex, stop it!”

“But, that's the reality right?” He smiles “Just stop with the guilt trip and be honest with yourself, about what you really want. Look from what I can see, Clay’s honest about what he wants, right? He wants you, and Casey, but he also wants to be a seal. He wants to be with Bravo, and he doesn’t want to compromise on it”

“Alex that’s not fair. Clay’s job it... its different”

“Look, if Clay can do what he wants then why can’t you? Sure, I’m not saying it’s going to be easy and you may have to sacrifice some things, most of it being your relationship because you know the navy only takes on hundred percent. But what I'm saying is don't sacrifice your dreams. Give it a go, if you don’t try you won’t know”

“I suppose” she frowns “I don't know. I don’t know what to do”

“Well I know what I want. But… you won’t like it” he leans in close.

“What ? Alex what are you talking about?”

“Come back! Be here, go back to work. But be with me" he strokes her cheek “I won't ask you to compromise on any of it” He leans in and then placing his lips against hers he kisses her.

“Alex!!!... Stop!” She forces him back “Stop it right now!” She slaps his hand away from her “That’s not gonna happen, alright. Look, I appreciate what you did. Coming to get us from the airport, looking after Casey but... if you think this is leading to the bedroom, then you’re very , very wrong. I’m with Clay now and he loves me and I... I love him. You need to respect that. I can't do this with you, and it needs to stop” She takes a deep breath staring at him “Alex… find someone of your own. Forget about me and just move on, please”

“But that's just it, I can’t ... I can't move on. You’re all I want. I know that now. I ... I let you go a that's my own stupidity. I should have damn well told you how I felt”_ Arrrggh!_ “Kelsey please think about what you’re doing, is that really the life you want, with him?”

“Yes! Yes it is ..” She can feel a lump building in her throat, tears welling in her eyes as stares watching him, his eyes pleading with her “Look Alex, if you can’t just be my friend and stay my friend, then .. then I can't see you anymore.”

He walks away, pacing around the room. Rubbing his hand against his head “Okay..okay I understand” taking a moment he takes a deep breath “I don't want you not to be my friend and if that's the only way to have you in my life then… then I'll take it. I can't lose you out of my life completely, but… you ll have to accept I have feelings for you, and the minute he walks away from you or he fucks up then.. then I'll be here”.

“He’s not going to fuck up Alex “ She laughs “But… well I can live with that” she puts her hand to his face and kisses his cheek “I do care for you, so much. Always know that”

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

** 3 days later **

“Kelsey!!! …Kelsey! … Hey ..” Clay calls out loudly from the doorway of the apartment, he can’t get his key in the lock fast enough “Kelsey!!”

He rushes around the apartment and then finding no one there he stands in the quiet looking around. _Oh Shit!_ He swallows anxiously, checking his cell phone. Again he hits call and again it goes straight to voice mail.

“ Hey this is Kelsey please leave a message. I’ll get back to you”

“Kelsey, please pickup. Call me. Please! I'm back. I just wanna know where you are?” _Shit!!_ … _oh god .. shit!_

His heart is beating so hard in his chest, thudding against his rib cage. He suddenly finds himself sweating, a blind panic consumes him. He spins around on his heels, looking at the empty apartment. He feels frantic, his normal calm in a stressful situation has gone out of the window and he paces back and forward.

He makes another call. “Sonny..” he takes a deep breath feeling like he’s choking “Sonny it’s me .. Oh god Sonny.. “

“Hey, hey Clay slow down. What’s going on buddy?”

“Where are you?”

“Um…” Sonny frowns awkwardly, looking around his surroundings “You know, is this kind of a trick question .. I’m um… I’m in the bar. You know if you gonna tell me you got a problem with that, how early it is, then … then can change my answer. Seriously Clay, what’s wrong? You okay there? I thought you’d be … we’ll um… you know .. engaged in other _PT type activities _by now” he laughs but he can hear his joke fall flat.

“Sonny… Sonny, she's ....she's not here! Kelsey...Kelsey's not here, at the apartment. I just got here and her and Casey, they’re not here! Sonny what am I gonna do?”

“Woah!! Whoa… now just calm down there buddy. One step at a time “Sonny straightens his hat, sitting himself upright on the stool, he rubs his hand over his face. Necking the shot of tequila back before he answers, he can feel a nervous apprehension fill the fibers of his body “Now, first.. have you called her?”

“Yeah.. yeah of course I’ve called her. About twenty times. She’s not answering ..” _Oh god_! “She's not coming back is she? She should have been back over a day ago.” He continues pacing, occasionally stopping to sit on the couch. _Pheww!_ He takes a deep breath “Oh my god Sonny, how could I be so stupid. I let her take him and now I’ve lost my son, haven’t I?”

“Hey... woah there! Now just calm down Clay. What the hell makes you think that? There’s gotta be some explanation.” Sonny picks his keys up from the bar and heads to the door he can feel his own chest tighten, a sick feeling as his stomach churns. Whilst he’s trying to keep Clay calm, he feels less calm in himself “Look Clay just stay there buddy. I’m gonna come right over. Just don't do anything stupid. I’m on my way right now!”


	34. A lot to talk about

_Shit!!_ Clay pulls at the collar on his tee-shirt as he feels like he can't breathe. He paces the room, back and forward. _Oh fuck!!_ Doubling in half as he tries to force more air into his lungs, the wave of panic making his chest tighten.

He frowns, picking up the soft elephant toy in the corner, nervously fiddling with the pink bow around its neck. Looking at it, knowing wherever Casey is, he has an identical toy with him but his has a blue colored bow.

_Oh fuck!!!_ He rubs his hand across his head, he can feel a light beading of sweat. He's tired from mission, which went to hell and his thoughts are starting to sound paranoid. Then taking his cell from his pocket he hits call, this time he can't explain why, he calls his father

"Ash... it's Clay"

"Hey son.. you okay?" Ash frowns there seems something strange, he's not sure if it's the suddenness of this call or the tone in Clay's voice "You just get back from a spin up?"

"Yeah .. yeah. Look um.. have you spoken to Kelsey in the last few days?"

"_Errrm_... no, not since last weekend. Why? Clay is there a problem? Do you need me to take the baby?"

"Um .. no, No, it's fine I just wondered that's all. It's nothing, hey look... don't worry sorry, I didn't mean to bother you"

"Clay... " but before Ash can say any more the call cuts dead. He sighs confused.

Clay closes his eyes, berating himself for making that call, the last thing he wants is his father to know he has a problem. A problem he can't handle. _Shit!_ "Kelsey where the hell are you?"

He sits down, there's a pain that stabs at his chest as he desperately tries to remain calm, but he can't. He can't because all his worst fears and doubts are now, in his mind, coming true.  
  
"Why did you give her that damn passport!" _Arrrghh!_ He's angry with his perceived error of judgement. He can't get his breath, his lungs gasping for air as a panic attack takes a hold. In all his days operating he's never felt this anxiously sick. Sitting on the couch he rocks back and forward trying to steady his nerves and then, still unsettled,he stands up, and again he starts to pace the room.

"Where are you!!" he screams out loud, swiping his hand, knocking the glass bowl from the table. Closing his eyes, he takes a breath. "Get a grip, Clay!"

He heads into the kitchen and opening the refrigerator door, he takes out a beer. Knocking the top off, he glugs it back, slamming the door shut behind him. 

He looks up, there's a sound of heavy banging at the apartment door."Clay!! It's Sonny. Open up!"

Clay clicks the lock "Oh Sonny, thank god you're here!" he sighs " I knew this would happen ... I should never have let her take him!"

"Hey! Hey man, just calm down, alright. There's gotta be an explanation here Clay, maybe she missed her flight. Why the hell're you thinking she's not coming back?"

"You know why Sonny. Him!" Clay can't relax "I just know ...I know that Alex, he was just waiting for the opportunity. I know it."

"Clay c'mon look ....you're tired, man. Take a seat, relax there buddy" Sonny rubs his head trying to think what to do "Okay...here's what we do, you check with the airline, first. See she boarded the flight"

"Yeah .. yeah, you're right....okay" he nods " I um.. I have her flight number on my cell, British airways flight. I'll check now"

"Okay ...so just stay calm. Do that first then... we'll deal with it" Sonny leaves him, reassuringly patting his hand against his shoulder

"Hey Sonny, where you goin'?"

"I'm just going to the refrigerator" he sighs " I need a damn beer. Last thing I needed after that shit shower mission was your girlfriend doin' a runner"

Clay spins on his heels staring at him as Sonny gulps the beer down "You really think she's gone?"

"Hey no! No... god damn it Clay... I was jokin'! Of course, she's coming back. You just gotta have lil faith" Biting the inside of his cheek, he's trying to hide his anxiety "Make the damn call to the airline!"   
  
Sonny looks up, taking a sharp intake of breath as he hears a key in the door lock. Clay's on the call to the airline, pacing near the window but as he turns around he can see _Kelsey! _

With her back to the room she pulls Casey's stroller inside the apartment and as she turns around she jumps with a start "Oh shit, Sonny!" she gasps "Oh my god you scared the hell out of me! What are you doing here?"

Sonny lets out a long-relieved breath looking at Clay smiling. Clay cuts off the call on his cell   
"Oh my god!" he sighs, frantically scooping Casey out from the buggy into his arms _Shit!_ He sighs holding him as tight as he can to his chest, his hand placed protectively around this head. 

The wave of tense relief can be felt, and the suddenness of his actions makes Casey cry. "Shhh! Shh, shh! It's daddy! It's okay, I got you" he beams as he kisses him, the surge of emotions shuddering through this body.

Kelsey stands there stunned, staring at the pair of them "What the hell is going on?" she frowns, taking deep worried breaths "Clay?? What the...has something happened? I mean is everyone alright. Did something go wrong with the mission?" she takes a deep breath "Oh my god Clay, are you hurt" it's now her turn to have an anxious panic.

He just glares at her "Where the hell have you been?!" he snaps "Why don't you answer your damn phone!" his tone snippy and his face filled with a tearful anger

"What? What do you mean? Oh yeah my um... battery was dead, I forgot to charge it before I went out, it's been in my bag switched off" she frowns "Clay what the hell is going on ?" her look falls on Sonny pleading with him for some sort of an explanation

"Oh um...." Sonny hesitates the whole thing seems a drama about nothing right now " just a mix up in communications I think. Think Clay got muddled about when your flight was due in. Somethin' like that"

"I asked you were you've been?" Clay's still annoyed. He has attitude and a tone of aggression "I've been home two hours now. I was worried!"

"I know I told you the battery was dead, and I've been out. To be fair ...I didn't expect you back yet today. Clay are you alright? You.. seem off"

"Off?! Yeah you could say I'm off! I was worried where you were."

Sonny drinks his beer and looks away awkwardly, he's trying not to get involved.

"Clay... that's hardly fair when I didn't know you were going to be back today. It's not like I'm psychic!"

Realizing how harsh he's sounding he takes a breath "Sorry... sorry, I..I just got worried when you weren't here and when you didn't answer. I was concerned that... that something had happened. So, where were you?"

"I um... I took him swimming and then I had a coffee and then went and got some groceries." She sighs watching as he and Sonny exchange glances _Huh!_ She sighs again "You didn't think I'd come back, from the UK, did you? That's what this is about. I told you Clay...I told you I'd come back, but you didn't believe me!"   
  
She rubs her hand over her face, frustrated and then she takes the still crying Casey from his arms. "I need to feed him, he's hungry after all that swimming" she shakes her head, disappointed "You know um... I was so excited waiting for you to get back. You had to spoil it; I don't believe this. I don't believe you didn't trust me, especially when it should be me not trusting you!"

"What, no! No, I just missed you, that's all it wasn't that" Clay's head looks from behind the refrigerator door. He's getting himself a beer and as he takes the cap off he leans over the breakfast bar, staring at her "Look, I'm sorry. I'm tired and I shouldn't have snapped. Kelsey of course I trust you" he sighs rubbing his head, his eyes meet with hers " anyway why...why wouldn't you trust me? What the hell did I do?"

"I don't know Clay..." she sighs watching him " can't imagine what you might have done" she takes a deep breath still staring at him rubbing her head "You know what just forget it. It doesn't matter."

The atmosphere suddenly takes on an intense tone and Sonny feels it's time to take his leave "Look as much as I like being around you ,I'm gonna get off. I have a date with a tequila bottle and my couch. I um... I think you two need to talk, clear some stuff up"

"Thanks Sonny" Kelsey smiles as she follows him to the door.

He stops. Hesitating he considers his words "Look...none of my business I know but.." he hushes his voice "..just go easy on him okay. Mission went sideways, Clay's takin bit of heat on it and was a long flight of Jason yelling. Then when he got back, and you weren't here, he just got himself a little wound tight ...that's all. He don't mean none of what he says, He dun loves the bones of you and the little fella, you gotta know that, right?"

She takes a breath calming herself " I know Sonny. I know. It's .. it's just I can't have this every time I go somewhere. Especially not if I'm really going to go back to work." She sighs biting gently on her lip "Look, I'll talk to him alright, I promise" she smiles , kissing his cheek "Thanks Sonny, thanks for being here for him"

"Where else am I gonna be " He smiles, clipping his fingers on her chin. Then he strokes Casey's cheek "See ya soon little buddy! You be good for your mommy and daddy, you hear me"

She slowly closes the door, hesitant as she turns around.

Clay's standing in the kitchen, sipping from his beer, head down he looks glum as she stands in front of him. She's rocking Casey side to side, him sucking on his fingers, satisfying this hunger with them for now. "You calmer now?" she questions

"Yeah .." He nods "Yeah.. sorry. I...I don't know ...I..I lost it for a minute."

"Clay ... " she stands staring at him, Casey in the crook of her arm and she strokes her free hand gently on Clay's cheek. Smiling she then leans forward and kisses him "You are so stupid at times, but you have to know, I love you so much"

"I know" He smiles, grabbing at her waist, pulling her close " I love you too.. I just hate being apart from you."

"Clay don't..." she smiles apprehensively "don't say that"

"So, um.. how was your flight" he smiles apprehensively changing the subject

"Yeah ....yeah it was um.. _interesting" _She sighs " Sorry, to disappoint you but... don't think he'll make a great seal. He seems to hate flying" she laughs "Oh my god what a nightmare it turned out to be. I really had my rose-tinted glasses when I signed up for that" She laughs again

"Didn't like that, hey?" He smiles stroking Casey's cheek " So .. how'd it go with your CO, what did he say about going back"

She takes a deep breath, looking at the now crying baby in her arms "Look I better feed him first and then we'll make time to talk, properly. Why don't you get a shower then get some sleep for a while. You look tired" she strokes under his eye with her thumb again placing her lips to his kissing him softly " Sonny said the op went sideways, you wanna talk about it?"

"No.. no nothing to tell really. Just one of those things" he looks up "You're right... I'll get a shower" he kisses her again and then she sits herself on the couch to feed Casey. He leans over the back of the couch watching her, his body now relaxed the worry of earlier very much gone.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Placing the groceries in the cabinets she's talking to Casey he's in his bouncing chair watching her from where she placed him in the opening to the kitchen so he could see her.

"Hey, she frowns watching as Clay comes to the sink and pours himself a glass of water "That was quick ?" It's only a couple of hours since he went to sleep earlier.

"Yeah, couldn't sleep"

"You okay? Something on your mind." she frowns waiting to see if there's an explanation.

Mmmm! " No, I'm fine" he nods.

She turns around leaving the pasta on the work top as she strokes her hand over his bare chest. He's stood in front of her, wearing only his white boxer shorts, and she smiles at the soft feel of his warm skin to her touch.

He can feel her fingers against his body, and he pushes up close, backing her up against cool of the refrigerator door. They stare at each other, lost in each other's eyes and the he leans forward, his hand moving up her body, his lips against her mouth, kissing her, moving slowly down her neck _Mmmm !_ he groans " You smell so good, I missed this"

"Me too!" she smiles wrapping her arms around his neck, her eyes locked on his "So you gonna tell me what that was really all about earlier?"

"I told you, long flight and tiredness. I don't know. I shouldn't have gone off like that. I know that" he sighs, his hand grabbing at her butt. He turns his head sideways looking at Casey. "Hey there buddy, you okay?" he smiles "You missed me?"

"Of course, he did" Kelsey strokes Clay's face the rough and smooth of his beard and cheek "There no one to bounce him around a make him throw up" she laughs

Clay smiles, his lips brushing across hers " So ... how'd it go?" he watches as the smile on her face turns to a frown

_Mmmm! _"Yeah it was fine .. a lot to think about. I mean a lot to discuss and talk over"

He nods then takes a long sigh "But...bottom line, you wanna go back don't ya?"

"Maybe " She takes a deep breath "Oh...I really don't know. I... I mean they accepted our care plan and my medical was fine. My fitness could have been a bit better but I'm sure I can get that back. I'd forgot a few things and they got some awesome new equipment to get to grips with but...but being on board again" she shrugs "I have to be honest Clay, I've missed it. I didn't realise quite how much, not until I stood there looking out on that bridge. Sorry!" she rubs at her face dropping her head into her hand.

He nods apprehensively " So, what did your CO say about us? About the Navy thing"

_Hmm_ "Yeah well ...CO said it raised a few eyebrows and it's um... not something they'd be encouraging, given the choice, but it's happened and as you're not exactly regular navy, the likelihood of us crossing path on board is limited so ... so he said they could live with it."

"Well that's something then, I mean at least we don't have to split up if you wanna go back" he smiles " So, what's the plan if ...if you do choose to go back"

"I .. " She coughs nervously "I can go back in three weeks. My first deployment is for twenty days." She sighs staring at him. There's a silence as neither of them say a word, she can feel her eyes sting with the prickle of hot tears, and she wonders how she'll cope when the actual reality of leaving bites.

" Twenty days!" Clay's head nods, he's thinking "That not too bad, right? I mean ...I think we could do that that. What do you think?" he frowns as he stares at her, willing her to say she won't go but he forces supportive words out.

"Yeah" She nods reluctantly " If I um... if I don't go back then and delay going back then,... then the next one will be a three-month deployment to Odessa"

"Oh shit!" he gasps, rubbing his hand over his face _Pheww!_ He sighs taking a deep breath. "Three months? How do you feel about that?"

She shrugs "I have to admit, not great. I mean I'd rather do the short one, see how it pans out but... it's only three weeks before I have to go back. I'm not sure if I'm ready to leave him, and you, yet" her lip quivers and she bites her teeth against it, holding her nerve.

"Kelsey ... " Clay sighs " you don't have to do this at all, not if you're not certain"

"I know but... "she takes a breath stroking her hand on his arm " I think I do. I mean I need to do it"

"Okay! Okay then. .. then we'll do it, right?"

"Yeah just ... hold on. There's a kicker, to the Odessa deployment," she nervously bites her lip "I err... checked the calendar I don't ...I don't get back until the week after you leave for your deployment. That means it could be six months before we're both together"

"Shit!!!" He takes a breath, closing his eyes. He shakes his head; he doesn't know what to say now "Are you serious?"

_Mmmm hmmm!_ "I looked; you leave the week before I'm due to come back. I mean, I could try get some early shore leave, fly back , I'm not sure they'd buy it as extenuating circumstances though?"

_Pheww!_ Clay take another breath "And other people really do this, right? I mean they make it work" he frowns "I don't see how. How do you live with that?"

She shrugs "I guess if it's what you both want; you can survive it"

"And you really want it .. even at this cost?"

She wipes her face thinking "I think I have to give it a go. Clay, I can't just give it up and say we didn't try. Look..." she holds his face making him look at her ".. if I do the first one, we see how it goes and then we'll know. If.. if it doesn't work and it's too complicated, then I'll quit. I promise. If it's not working for all of us. I'll give it up before Odessa. Okay?"

"Okay... yeah! Come here" he sighs and then leans forward kissing her "Jeez .. six months! Still, at least he'll only have a week without both of us here, so it could be worse for him"

_Mmmm!_ "I guess" she sighs, stroking her hand over his chest, feeling the firmness under her touch. Her fingers grip at the curve of his bicep, tracing patterns. "You know I missed you... while I was gone." she bites her lip, leaning her cheek against Clay she turns her head watching Casey, now asleep, in his chair. "Oww! Look, he's sleeping" she smiles

"Yeah .. yeah he is" Clay smiles, his kisses become firmer "You know what I'm thinking?"

"I think I might be able to guess" she smiles as he presses the firm contents of his shorts against her "You want some more of that mummy and daddy time that you're always going on about"

_Mmmm hmm!_ He smiles as he starts to unbutton her shirt slowly. His hand reaching inside the white fabric gently grabbing at her flesh. The feel of her firm breast in his hand before he strokes it up her neck, dropping kisses on to her skin. He then takes her by the hand and leads her to the bedroom.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Kelsey sighs. Opening her eyes, having fallen asleep. She smiles thinking about the frenzied passionate session of fast sex they just had, her hand feeling on the other side of the empty space in the bed

"Clay?" she frowns, leaning up on her elbows, pulling the sheet around her, she can see him stood in the bedroom doorway "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I was just checking on Casey. Don't worry he's fine. He's still sound asleep"

"I guess all that swimming has zonked him out" she smiles "He really loved being in the water, guess that's having frogman genes right?"

_Mmmm hmmm!_ Clay smiles as he crawls his naked body up against hers. Kissing up her leg to her thigh, up over her stomach, paying extra attention to the softness of her breast by making circular motions with his tongue.

_Mmmm!_ "Clay..." she groans leaning back, a flutter of excitement tingles between her legs again "stop!" she smiles "We need to get up. We can't stay here all day; I have things to do"

"Oh ... but I can think of lots of things to do... staying here" he smiles, pulling the sheet from her grip. He plants his lips on her mouth, his tongue teasing her. Her grasping her fingers in his curls pulling him close to her.

Then she stops and holds him back, staring him deep in the eyes, the back of her hand stroking down the side of his face. He collapses down beside her brushing his hand over the soft curve of her stomach, draping his arm around her waist   
  
"Just stay here for a bit longer, I'm enjoying being with you. I missed this"

"I was only gone for two days!" she laughs "But yeah...yeah this is nice" she sighs closing her eyes, snuggling tight against him as he strokes her hair.

He's quiet, laying there silently thinking. Suddenly he coughs awkwardly, he needs to talk about something on his mind. "What did you mean .. earlier, when you said, it's _me_ you can't trust?"

"What? Oh, that um... look it doesn't matter. It's done now. It was nothing. I was just angry, and I lashed out. I shouldn't have said anything. Forget it"

He leans up on to his elbow so he can look at her, softly drawing patterns with his fingers on her chest "No tell me. You must have meant something" he frowns watching her "What did I do?"

"Nothing. It's nothing." She sighs regretful that she even mentioned it "Really Clay just forget it. I don't wanna argue again."

"I don't understand why would we argue. So, there is something?" He sits up turning her head, so she has to look at him "What's wrong?"

"Oh... " She bites her lip, reaching down beside the bed for her shirt. She sits up and slips it over her arms "Really, it's nothing. Like I said .."

"No.. now wait! If I did something then I want you to tell me. I don't want this festering between us" he stares at her "Kelsey, c'mon what is it?"

_Pheww! _She lets out a long slow breath and lays down again, covering her eyes with her arm "Really, it's not important now"

"Kelsey.. " he pulls her arm away and stares at her ".. it was enough for you to mention it so, tell me"

"Okay.. you wanna know" she sighs not looking at him "I wanna know... when did Casey's passport come?" She opens her eyes and stares directly at him.

Now its him that feels awkward. He sits back looking away "Um... I um.. I don't remember exactly. A couple of days before you left . I don't know the exact day. Why is there a problem?"

"No, no problem if that's when it came? And you put it in the drawer, for safe keeping, but didn't think to tell me?"

"No, like I told you, I forgot about it. Kelsey what's the problem here?"

"Nothing, except that's not the truth is it? It didn't come a couple of days before I left. You had to say that when I was going to chase it up"

"No .. it did .. I .. " he sighs, swallowing apprehensively as she sits up turning around facing him .

"Clay don't lie. You got that passport on an expeditated service. So why didn't you tell me when it came?"

Shit! he lets out a long sigh, his lie caught out and he's unsure what to say _Fuck!_ "Look Kelsey, I'm sorry. Yeah ... yeah I did but how did you find out?" he frowns. He tries to stroke her face, but she brushes his hand away.

After quite a long moment of silence, where she considers whether to be mad with him or let it go she speaks "There was um... some paperwork in the envelope that it came in. It said the date you applied, online for the expediated service" she sighs running her hand though her hair "What I don't get is why Clay? Why you didn't tell me? I don't understand, I asked you and asked you if it had come and you gave so many excuses, when all the time you had it already"

"Yeah I know." He sighs "I know, and I'm sorry. Look, being honest, it was because I was scared"

"Scared?" she frowns "Scared of what?"

"I was .. afraid you'd leave, with Alex and then you wouldn't come back. That you'd want him, and you'd take Casey. I couldn't lose my son"

"Oh god Clay .. how many times. It's you I want to be with not Alex. Alex knows nothing is going to happen. I've spelled it out to him. This is where it has to end now"

He nods "I know it has. I love so much, thought of losing either of you.. "

"It's not going to happen" She smiles stroking his face pushing him back on to the bed. She straddles her legs over his waist and leaning forward she kisses him.

_Mmmm!_ He smiles his hands slowly moving over the curve of her hip as she moves her body over him, kissing down his chest, before teasing across his stomach with her tongue. _Awww!_ he moans again at the anticipation of what's about to happen.   
  
Then they both freezes, in position. She looks up and smiles. They're interrupted by the sound of crying from the other room. "Oh ... bad timing Casey" Clay groans closing his eyes, the hardness in his groin aching and he leans his head back into the pillows _Shit!_

"I'll go!" she smiles, giving him one last lingering kiss before she jumps off the bed. "You um.. might wanna hold on to those thoughts, you know for later" She grins from the doorway, watching him lying there naked on the bed.

"Oh .. I will don't worry!" he smiles.


	35. Give him an extra cuddle when he wakes up

** _ 3 Weeks later and 2 days before Kelsey leaves for her deployment _ **

"Hey.." Clay smiles, placing his bag on the floor, he stands in the bedroom doorway just watching her stood there wearing her full uniform

"Oh hi, you're back. You okay?"

"Yeah... yeah I'm good" he frowns "So, what're you doin'?"

"Oh... just checking, to see if this still fits okay"

"Looks pretty good from where I'm standing" his face breaks into a large beaming grin.

Smoothing his hands over her waist and down the sides of her thighs he then brushes her long dark hair to one side and kisses her neck. _Mmmm! _she groans enjoying the soft touch of his lips on her skin.

"Oh, yeah..." He continues to smile, his hands, trying to slide her skirt up her legs, the semi hard bulge in his pants pressing against her butt ".. it definitely looks good to me"

"Clay.... stop! You're messing my uniform up!"

His smile gets wider "Well, maybe you should just take it off then" he pulls at the zipper on her skirt and lets it drop, down her legs, to the floor.

Turning around to face him, she clasps her arms around his neck "That wasn't helpful " she smiles, pressing her lips against his mouth.

_Mmmm! _"Well, it's been helpful to me" his smooths his hands over the curve of her butt. His groin straining as he continues rubbing himself against her.

"So..." she smiles, taking a quick glance to check on Casey as he plays, in his crib with a toy "..I figured as we have two more days before I leave, we could, bath him and put him to bed and then ....well you know?! Maybe get some wine, have a bath and ..." she kisses him again "have the evening to ourselves"

_Mmmm! _"Does sounds great I suppose" he sits on the edge of the bed with her standing between his legs. 

She smiles as he continues to stroke his hand up and down her, now, bare thighs. Then she takes her jacket off, laying it down on the bed aan Clay starts unbuttoning her shirt. She then straddles her legs, sitting across his lap as they start to kiss, him fisting his hands in her hair.

"So..." she breaks the embrace, frowning while stroking her hand on his face " how was training?"

_Mmmm!_ "Yeah fine. Run of the mill you know"

"I know" she smiles "And the guys, they're all good?"

_Mmmm hmmm!_ "Oh um... by the way, there's something I need to talk to you about"

"Okay. Sounds kinda serious. What's going on?" she leans back, his hands stopping from falling off his legs

"I errm...I spoke with Ash." he smiles "and ... well, he actually came up with a good idea. So, I said I'd sound you out, see how you feel about it, before I said anymore"

"Really? Wow! Okay, so it must be serious if you're listening to Ash's ideas" she frowns, looking him deep in the eyes "So, what is it?"

"Well, we were talking, about the family care plan, for when you're not here. And he wanted to know if we'd considered an Au pair"

"An Au pair?"

"Yeah it's like a nanny, someone who stays at the house... apartment, takes care of the children."

"Yeah I know what an au pair is and yeah I did consider it at one point, but ... well it was having the room and ..." she sighs "I don't know, there something about a stranger, taking care of Casey. Don't you think that's a bit odd?"

"Well, we're getting a bigger place next week and Ash said quite a few families he knows do it. Plus would help if I get called away in the night, wouldn't have to unsettle him. I mean Ash said he was still happy to have him, if we wanted to stick with the plan, just it was a thought. I guess it would ease the pressure on him, and Naima, if we did consider it."

"Yeah. Look, I know what you're saying, and yes in principle it's a good idea but... we'll it's short notice to think about it now. I mean, we only have two days before I go, so I can't see we'd find someone we'd have to get them checked out and that all takes time. But he's right , maybe when I go to Odessa, we should think about it. I mean it would make sense and we could have someone in place by then." She sighs staring at him, watching the expression on his face.

"But you feel okay about it, the idea. Truthfully?"

"Yeah I mean it might be a bit odd, at first I guess, but for Casey it would be a good idea, less upheaval he can stay in his routine more, I suppose"

"But ....what's wrong? I'm getting the feelin' you're not keen"

"No, it's not that, it's just... " she sighs loudly getting off his lap, moving around the end of the bed to check on Casey.

He's lying in his crib and she takes his small foot in her hand, stroking it gently " It's just what are they gonna think, the au pair I mean, me leaving my baby and bringing them in to look after him." She looks over at Clay "What're they gonna think of me as a mother?"

"Hey, they're not gonna think anything, it's what they do. Look, if you're not okay with this, then we won't do it"

"No, I am, like you say it could be better for him" she sighs "You know what... it is a good idea, it's just me, being stupid about it. So, tell you what, I'll um.. check out some agencies, and we could look to get someone in place when I get back"

"Yeah, well that's the other thing that Ash had an idea about"

_Huh!_ She smiles "Really, you're listening to ideas Ash has. a lot. You sure you're feeling alright?" she smiles, touching his forehead jokingly "Sorry....carry on. What did Ash say?"

"Well, he knows someone they might be able to start pretty soon. A, um... a commander he knows, is going overseas with his family but the au pair he had for the past year, she doesn't want to go with them. Ash told him we might be interested in taking her on"

"Really?" she frowns "She could start sooner?"

"Yeah next couple weeks, probably just as you get back. He said she's a Spanish student, but she's been with the commander for a year so means she's vetted and has her paperwork. They didn't want her to leave but she wants to stay in the States and not go overseas"

"Okay, and you're happy to do this?"

"I mean yeah... if you are. Hey look, if it's going to make you uncomfortable we won't but I figured it might be worth a try. I'm thinking of Casey, not having to get him up in the night if I get spun up"

"Yeah" she sighs, she has some doubts, but she knows the positives would be for Casey. She smiles at him watching him kicking his legs as he smiles at her "You're cheeky" she laughs softly stroking his head. She then takes a deep breath, realizing just how much she's going to miss him.

Shaking the thoughts of not seeing him from her mind "Yeah, well...lets go for it. Anything that doesn't disrupt his life is good, right. He comes first and well...this would be a good thing"

"Right!" Clay frowns "Look, if it doesn't work out then we won't continue"

"No. No it does make sense. Guess, it's just me feeling guilty" she sighs "Another woman being here for _my_ baby, while I go away, just feels odd. I'm sure I'll get used to it and we'd be stupid to miss the opportunity, especially if like you say, she's all checked out"

"Hey ..." he gets up pulling her into his arms "You don't need to feel guilty, about any of this, and from what Ash said, she's used to being around military personnel, she knows how it works. Don't be hard on yourself, we made this decision for you to go back, together, remember"

"Okay .." her lip quivers with emotion, her eyes welling with hot with tears "Sorry, I just.." _Pheww!_ She sighs " ..this is hard. Leaving you. Now reality bites" she swallows anxiously, and he can see the sad pain in her face "Clay, I'm gonna miss you so much"

"Hey c'mon, it's gonna be alright. You'll be so busy when you get there you won't have time to feel like this" he pulls her closer, holding her tight to his chest "So you want me to speak to Ash, get the details?"

"Yeah. Yeah do it Like you say it's best for him. I'll be fine" she sighs "You gonna be okay with all this? I mean I feel like I'm abandoning you to sort everything out. The move next week and now this"

"Look, I've got the guys to help me, it's gonna be a cinch. I've got it all in hand. I'll call Ash, we don't wanna miss out"

She sighs again, swallowing her apprehension, dismissing the feeling of envy. The envy that to do what she wants; she has to hand her baby to another woman.

"Clay .. "she grabs him, pulling him back and smiles teasingly "So....you wanna get some wine and... " she strokes her hands over his chest, kissing him. "..we could just enjoy our last full night together."

_Mmmm!_ He smiles "That does sound good but..." they both look around as they hear the knock at the door. "I better get that .. "

"Hey!" She kisses him "Whoever it is get rid of them" she smiles, kissing him again as she strokes her hand firmly over his groin. "I told you, we can have an early night "

_Mmmm!_ "Yeah um... I kinda need to talk about that?"

"What?" she frowns looking up as the door knocks again "Don't tell me you're knocking me back here Clay Spenser or are you just playing hard to get?" she smiles stroking his face "because I know I can find ways to make you change your mind"

"No, no it's not that, it's just ..." He leaves her grasp to head to the door "it's just, I kinda said the guys could come over tonight, have some beers, watch the football" he shrugs "Sonny's TV bust and Jason doesn't have one, so I said they could come here"

He abandons her touch with her standing in the bedroom doorway, as he answers the door.

"Clay!! Are you serious?" she frowns, unable to hide her annoyed disappointment "But it's my last night here, for three weeks! I thought you know that you'd want some alone time. Seriously, you'd rather have beers with the guys?"

"I know I just....look I'm sorry, I didn't think. They asked and I just said yeah. I don't wanna say they can't now. Sonny's looking forward to it. Look, we can make up for it in the morning, right?"

"In the morning?" she sighs loudly her annoyance on display "Clay!!! Oh my god, I don't believe you!!" the look on her face is one of anger "_Jesus Christ!_"

"Hey... hey calm down. It's not that bigga deal, is it?"

"What the .. oh my god!! " she sighs, seriously angry now "No! No, it's not that big of a deal, is it!"

Taking a deep breath, she watches as Clay opens the door to Sonny, he's followed into the apartment by Trent, Jason and then full Metal. Sonny's carrying cases of beer which is dumps on the breakfast bar. 

"Hey Kelsey!" he smiles, kissing her cheek.

She barely responds just glaring at them all, watching as they crash down in various positions on the couch and floor, spreading themselves out untidily. _Oh my god! I seriously don't believe this!_ She closes her eyes, trying to stay calm. Shaking her head in sheer disappointment.

"Hey..." Clay looks at her, his hands on her arms "just relax. They wanted to see you before you leave anyway, so it'll be fine, we'll have a fun evening" he smiles kissing her

"Fun!" she sighs "Fine! You know what..." she pulls herself from his grip, walking away making it clear she's not happy with this " I'm gonna get dressed"

She stands in the bedroom doorway watching them as they all ignore her and make themselves comfortable sharing the beers around, she really doesn't want to feel this anger with Clay, not tonight of all nights but his lack of thought touches a raw nerve. Her eyes fill with tears and she heads into the bedroom.

Throwing the last of the clothes she was packing into her case she dumps it on the floor and then she sits down, rubbing her head in frustration. _Shit!!_

She wants to cry. All she wanted was a nice quiet evening, just her and Clay having some time alone. She had it all planned and now ...now she's stuck with his team, watching football in the other room.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Hey!" Clay smiles at her as they all look up, from their slumped positions on the furniture. She's been gone nearly an hour and now she brings Casey through with her.

"Oh...hey there buddy!" Sonny smiles. He gets up and takes him from her arms "Look, come watch the footy with your uncle Sonny" he gives her a wink and a smile.

The crass wink makes her angry again and she glares at Clay " He um.. he needs his bottle"

Clay looks at her, he feels a little guilty that she's so upset, the look on her face. He doesn't say anything to answer her.

"Hey ... you get it ready, I'll feed him" Sonny smiles. He just loves holding the baby.

"Sure... why not. I mean you're here now and doesn't look like you're going anywhere does it!" she sighs sarcastically, putting the bottle in the warmer. She leans herself back against the cabinet while she waits for it to be ready.

"Oh, hey Kelsey, would you grab us a beer while you there" Metal smiles pointing to the empty one in his hand, she turns around and glares at him "You want one too Clay?" he smiles "How about you Jace?"

"Yeah .. yeah why don't you bring some more over , we'll all have one"

"Yeah um.. Kels, can you bring them all a beer" Clay smiles, he swallows nervously he can see the ways she's biting her lip, the look she gives is one of angry daggers and he can tell she's really annoyed.

Angry, her temper bubbles under the surface _Do they think I am some sort of fuckin slave!_ she sighs under her breath as she takes the bottle from the warmer testing it on her arm. She puts it back to warm a little more. There's a lump she can feel in the back of her throat, a tension and she wants to cry.

Clay enters the kitchen where she is. He has a smile on his face as he looks at her "Did you hear? The guys wanted another beer"

"You know what .... get your own damn beers!! If you think that I'm gonna be here all night to wait on you, you can think again!!"

She shoves him away from her body as he tries to stroke her arms "Hey...hey what's wrong ? Why you being like this?"

"Why am I being like this ? Oh my god!!!" she laughs with disbelief "Well if you have to ask that, then you don't get it, do you!" she sighs furiously, as she stares at him.

"Kelsey, c'mon you didn't' really wanna it to be just us, did you? Come and have some fun with the guys"

She shakes her head trying to keep calm "Yes.... yes, I actually did want us to be alone. Oh, was that stupid of me on my last night? We're not going to see each other for three weeks but ... but this...this is fine?" she grinds her teeth even angrier now the expression on his face he looks like he's smirking.

Jason calls through "Don't suppose you doin any food in there?"

She stares glaring at Jason and then back to Clay "Is he fucking serious? They think I'm gonna cook for them. My last night with you here and you want me to cook and serve beer. You know what Clay .." She pushes him away from her "I'm going to have a bath. Do not come anywhere near me tonight!" She takes the bottle and tries to take Casey from Sonny's arms " I'll take him!"

"Hey! No...no he's okay, I'll do it"

"No! No, you won't!" She forcefully takes him now and Sonny relents

"What no pizza?" Jason smiles wryly, while Clay goes towards her, taking hold of her around the waist.

"You know what Clay you can all go to hell!" she unravels herself from his grasp, staring him in the eyes "You can get your own fucking pizza and your own damn beer. And don't make a mess or you can clear it up yourselves" she's furious now and she turns to leave

"Kelsey wait" Clay grabs at her, taking a breath, he puts his hand across holding her and stopping her from leaving "Kelsey stop, alright I'm sorry.. I ... "

"Get your hands off me Clay!" The guys all sit up and stare at each other, she's still not having any of his apology "I said get your hands off!"

"Kelsey please.. you don't understand.. I ....this ..." he stutters looking awkward, turning around he frowns at the guys wondering what to do.

They're all sniggering and chuckling with laughter but as Kelsey pulls herself from his grip, Clay's no longer finding the situation funny. He can tell how upset she is, and he tries to fix it. "Please...just listen " he sighs.

Now Sonny stands up, grabs hold of her wrist "Hey there lil lady, just wait! Calm yourself down. Alright it was a joke, funny .. ha ha yeah?!"

"Well I'm sorry Sonny, but I don't find it funny. Now get your hand off me!"

"NO!! No, you just wait up!" He smiles, the red of anger in her face is making him smirk and the rest of the guys all start to laugh out loud.

"What?" she frowns, confused by them laughing at her "Oh, you think this is funny. Well I don't" she sighs frustrated, her emotional worries of leaving tomorrow are now building this into something it probably shouldn't and she can feel herself starting to get upset .  
  
She tries to calm herself, but them laughing, is not helping with that . "We only have two days left together and you all think it's funny that he would rather spend it with you, drinking!"

Clay smiles he can't help it; he strokes her hair trying to calm her but still she pushes him away "Oh .... if you can't see why I might be upset about that then... then don't bother"

"Kelsey, look I'm sorry alright .. please just let me ..."

"Woah there! Now just hold up." Jason stands up and intervenes between them. "Clay, I think you need to tell her now. This has gone far enough."

"What?" she frowns "What's gone far enough?"

"It was a joke" Clay smiles "This. .. we thought you'd find it funny, I'm sorry"

"What?! Clay I don't understand, what would I find funny about this? What you wanted to upset me?"

"No... of course not. I .. . look, just wait there." He sighs "Please"

She sighs watching as he gets an envelope from his jacket and hands it to her "They are staying. To watch the football, it wasn't a lie about Sonny's TV " he smiles

"Oh well that's fine then, right. I'm so happy for them" she grinds her teeth, confused and fed up now.

"NO! No, you don't understand, come here" he smiles holding her arm as he takes Casey handing him to Sonny "Just open it! They're staying, but we're not. I um... I booked us dinner, and a hotel suite for the night. The guys are gonna babysit Casey for us, so we can have some time alone before you go. We just thought that this..... sorry I should have just told you. It really... it was just a joke, we thought you'd think it was funny"

She frowns, hesitantly opening the envelope. Inside she can see a booking form for the hotel suite at the Capes hotel. Her frown turns slowly into a smile as she looks up at him

"You.. you booked this?" she sighs loudly, still confused "for us, tonight. Really?" her smile broadens as she's taken aback. Now regretful for her over reaction to the guys being here  
" I.. I don't know what to say now.. " she nervously bites her lip

"Say you'll pack a bag for the night, and then we can go"

She nods, leaning forward, now smiling and kisses him passionately, her hands grabbing at his hair "I can't believe you did this for me?"

"Yeah well, you deserve it and..." he wraps his arms around her waist his hand stroking her butt "I figured a night of uninterrupted ...you know"

"Okay, okay!!!" watching them kissing Jason puts his hand up for them to stop "Too much information right there. Just get the damn bag packed and go. Leave us to watch the football in peace"

Kelsey's cheeks flush, she feels embarrassed. She feels uncomfortable for swearing at them and getting so upset. "I um... I don't know what to say guys, but I'm sorry for flying off the handle. I just thought...." She sighs again " ...seriously, thank you for this, all of you, it means a lot . Getting him to myself for the night"

"Yeah well don't forget, I need him back in the team tomorrow, fit and well so ... just go easy on him, right. Don't want no injuries" Jason winks

She nods "Um... and you're all gonna be okay, with Casey, for the night? I'll leave my number you can .."

She doesn't finish her sentence before Sonny turns her around, pointing her towards the bedroom "Just go get a bag and leave now. We got this." He sighs, looking at the concern on her face "Look, we got Naima on speed dial if anything goes wrong, but it won't. We got this in hand. I'm on feedin' duty, Jace is on discipline, Full metal's on safety and Trent... he's doin diapers and puke"

"I am??" Trent frowns "Why's that? You know, I know nothin' about diapers"

"Hey, you're medic right? So, you can handle that stuff"

"Yeah but Sonny, this is a baby. I know nothing about changing diapers, I really don't"

"I'll do it. The diapers, I'll do it " Metal looks up from where he's laid on the floor "I can change a diaper real quick" as everyone looks at him frowning, wondering how he could have acquired that skill "What? I can! Oh, my um... my sisters got three kids; I used to help her out when I stayed with her. Got real expert with it, even she said so"

"Okay .." Sonny smiles hesitantly " so we have diapers covered too. Now will you just go, enjoy. Do whatever you wanna do!"

She nods looking at Clay "Thanks guys. This is lovely, it really is. I know you're all gonna take care of him, both of them, while I'm gone" she can feel her voice crack as her emotions start to bubble to the surface. The realities that she's going to miss them all. The guys can hear it and it has the same effects on them.

"Arlight just damn well get out of here before you have us all blubbin'! Clay just take her away... get gone will ya!"

o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Oh wow!" Kelsey gasps as they open the door to the suite "This is amazing!" she smiles " I can't believe you did this for me" She turns around and kisses him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

He places their small bag onto the floor beside the bed while she checks the rest of the suite. Opening the bathroom door, she gasps as she sees the large, whirlpool, bath "This is great!"

"Yeah, it was kinda on my bucket list...you know to um..." Clay coughs. Smiling he wraps himself around her "I love you Kelsey, and you don't know how much I'm gonna miss you"

"Clay...don't!" she puts her finger to his lips "Not tonight. Let's make this about me and you, forget that I'm going away. Let's just make most of being alone and..... that bath" she smiles wickedly

"Yeah, you're right. Let's enjoy it." He leans in and kisses her "Oh... I got something else for you!"

"Really, what?" Curiously she watches as he goes to the bag and takes out a pink gift bag "What's this?" she frowns.

Clay leans over her from behind her, sliding his hands over her stomach, he kisses her neck "Open it"

"Clay Spenser, what's this?" She smiles cautiously. Opening the bag she peers inside and pulls out a small pair of black satin panties leaving a matching bra inside the bag. She bites her lip teasingly, turning around to face him "Is this gift for me or .. for you?"

"Well you know um..." he coughs nervously, he can feel a wave of excited anticipation fill his body, watching as she handles the underwear, "Figured it was for you but um... I could maybe get the benefit of it" he leans in and kisses her, now making it obvious what he wants

She coughs as he she breaks from the embrace "You know we could ... skip dinner and get room service instead. If you want to?"

"See now that sounds like a great command decision. I'll go with that Lieutenant" he kisses her again

"You order something, and I'll go and fill that bathtub"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Clay puts the phone down as he hears the bathroom door click open and he looks up.

"Oh wow!" he smiles watching as Kelsey stands in the doorway wearing only the new black underwear that he bought her. His eyes work their way over her body, looking at the way the bra fits tightly against her skin. How extremely fit she looks, leaning sexily against the wall opposite the bathroom.

"So..." she smiles as she can see the look on his face. Now only wearing his boxer shorts she can also see the large straining bulge of his appreciation " you joining me in this bath or not?" she twirls her hair as she teases him.

"Oh yeah" he smiles getting up.

"Clay wait! Don't forget we need um... some you know...protection, if we're gonna .."

"Sorted!" he smiles then he reaches into the side pocket of the bag bringing with him the packet of condoms.

She giggles loudly as his hands grab at her ass cheeks. Groping against the firm flesh he turns her around in his arms his fingers trailing over her skin making her tingle.

_Mmmm!_ she groans at the warm feel of his touch. Brushing her lips against his, pressing herself up to him. Rubbing her hips against his groin, she's turning him on even more "So, who was on the phone?"

"Oh um... just checking in with Sonny. Make sure everything's okay"

"Is it, okay I mean? Casey he's alright"

"Yeah he's fine. I could hear him giggling in the background they're all having a great time by the sounds of it."

"So, you really think Metal can change his nappy?"

"He's full of surprises" he smiles, stroking her cheek "Talking of surprises, I have one for you" he press the hard in his shorts against her thigh.

"Really .. well...I'm not sure if I'd say that's a surprise!" she places her hand gently against the hardness inside his shorts. Stroking gently, she turns him from semi to fully hard.

_Mmmm!_ he groans while he unclips the back of her bra, sliding it down her arms and off

"What you don't like it?" she smiles

"Oh yeah ...I loved it!" he kisses her neck "I just like you out of it, better"

She smiles, stroking the back of his head as he works his lips over her neck, kissing down her chest, onto her breast. His mouth sucking, gently kissing and making small bites over her firm flesh. She groans softly, the touch as his hands making her skin bristle as he works them gently over her waist. Then he slides her panties down and steps out of them while he removes his shorts.

She can feel the hard of him pressing against her stomach and she can't get enough of his smell, his kisses, his strong muscles caressing her. She closes her eyes enjoying every touch, sighing in anticipation. "C'mon" she grins wickedly.

She's amazingly turned on already and they step into the warm water of the bath. The bubbles gently fizzing around their naked bodies. The massaging sensation of bubbling under them is so nice.

Kelsey at last relaxes forgetting all about leaving tomorrow, just enjoying the last hours with Clay to herself. She leans her head back against the side of the tub, enjoying the water's soothing effect. Clay smiles, he can see the toned flesh of her breasts bobbing just above the surface, his hand finding them and caressing gently, the sensation of his touch turning her on.

She sits up, pushing her hips forward, offering herself to him. They don't speak, just exchange sexual glances and delicate touches of each other's body. And despite the warm water she shivers with pleasure as her fingers draw circles around over his chest muscles and along the firm power of his arms.

He leans against her, his hand under the water finding her soft folds _Mmmm __.....__Oh!!!_ She pants in hushed tones. Closing her eyes as his fingers work the magic he knows she likes, making her grin widen. Sighing and groaning as he presses himself more firmly against her.

Pulling her up to seated position, he takes a moment, standing up, turning his back on her while he organizes protection. She smiles, looking at his firm peach like butt there on display, teasing him by stroking the back of his thigh with her foot, wriggling it between his legs.

He smiles as he seats himself back in the warm bubbling water "Come here!"

She smiles, leaning forward towards him, doing as he says, sitting herself astride his lap. His fingers still rubbing against her small firm bud. She leans back, enjoying the excitement he's causing inside her body. His mouth once again biting very gently on her nipple. Then pulling her forward, he thrusts his body into hers

_Oh!!!_ He makes her gasp loudly as his hardness fills all of her insides and she relaxes, smiling again.

Then pressing one of the buttons on the side panel of the tub, it turns the bubbles up more, filling the room with steam while the water jumps around beside them.

Clay uses his strength to force her up and down in a rocking motion against him, her grinding her hips on him. The feeling is so intense as her tongue, pokes and prods, playing with his.

Their lips are locked, they're both totally lost enjoying the moment and the only noises in the room are their gasps and groans, and the bubbling splashes of the water. It's warm, and exciting, and its not long before Kelsey is at a point of no return

_"Clay!" _she calls his name loudly and he can see in her face how close she is. He kisses her neck, feeling the tension as her nipples peak and then a few moments longer and she cries out with loud moans as her orgasm takes over her body. 

Weak and panting she leans her head on his chest_ Oh!!! _She smiles, a wicked tease in her eyes, her chest heaving as she continues to pant his name into his neck, while he pushes himself deeper inside her body _"Oh yes!! Clay!!!" _She cries out, forcing her hips against him, she can feel just how close he is.

Grabbing his arms around her back, holding her tight, virtually lifting her out of the water then forcing himself against as he lowers her down while she continues panting his name, kissing his chest, her hands grabbing at his hair. Then kissing him hard, on the lips, biting it gently before pushing her tongue into his mouth.

The next thrust is going to be his last and as she makes those gentle bites of his neck it tips him over the edge and he can feel himself cum insider her."_Oh, fuck Kelsey!!!_" he smiles, groaning her name in satisfaction. He slows his breathing, panting against her neck. "_Oh god!!"_ he smiles, resting his head back against the side of the tub. 

She falls forward, her hair covering his chest taking a moment. Then she looks up, gently stroking his cheek. The calm pleasure in his expression. _Mmmm! "_I love you Clay!" placing a hand on either cheek she holds his head and kisses him fully on the lips.

"I love you too!" He smiles but there's a reticence tone to the way he says it "I'm gonna miss you so much, just know that"

_Shh!_ she leans in, her breasts tingle as they stroke against the bare firmness of his naked chest while they continue to kiss. She wants to forget any reminders that she's leaving tomorrow.

Clay cleans himself up and then gets back into the tub beside her. She sits, between his legs, her head leaned back against his chest while she gently strokes his thigh. The gurgling swirling bubbles lapping around them. It's so warm now and the heat makes her flush with color.

_Mmmm_! "This is so nice. I can't believe you did this for me. Thank you, it's just what I needed."

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Hey" Clay sighs as he checks the time on his watch. It's still dark and its 03:00 "you okay?" he was awoken by what sounds like sniffing and he wonders if she's been crying.

"Yeah ... " she nods in the darkness snuggling herself against his side, he wraps an arm around her back, stroking his fingers down her spine while she drapes an arm across his chest. "Yeah I'm just thinking that's all. Nothing to worry about. Go back to sleep"

Clay sighs loudly "You having doubts about tomorrow"

"No, no not really. Just .. just nerves I guess. Thinking about how hard it will be, how much I'll miss this. Us!"

"Hey.. it's only three weeks, we can do that right?"

"Yeah " she sniffs as his voice sets off a stream of tears down her face "Yeah I know but... oh god I'm gonna miss you. I think I made a mistake, wanting to go back"

"Hey... " Clay softly whispers in her ear pulling her tighter against him" You didn't make a mistake, we talked this over. This is what you want, what you need. It'll be fine Kelsey I promise. It's just nerves You've been a way a long time. I promise its going to be alright. Look, I'll message you every day and you can face-time Casey when ever you want"

She sniffs back her tears "I know I.... Oh, it's going to break my heart tomorrow, leaving him."

"I know... I know it will hurt, so much, but it 'll be fine and we will be waiting right here, when you get back" he kisses her head trying to hold back his own tears, wrapping her naked body tight up against his own. He closes his eyes, the knot in the back of his throat leaves him hardly able to speak. Gulping furiously so he doesn't cry, being strong for her.

"Don't come to the airport tomorrow, let me say my goodbyes at the flat. I don't wanna upset Casey ... just leave him where he's happy"

Clay nods every tear from her cuts at his heart like it's being prodded with a stick "Tell you..." he coughs choking on his emotions "tell you what. I'll um.. I'll ask Sonny to stay with him and then I can still take you. We can have a last hour together before you have to board"

She hesitates nodding furiously "Okay... yeah. Yeah that would be great" She sigh burying her head against his chest, him stroking her hair, eventually both of them closing their eyes they go to sleep

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

**Back at the apartment the next day.**

She comes from the bedroom, carrying her case, wheeling it through to the lounge

"He's um..." she bites her lip containing her emotions "he's asleep .. now.. I gave him his bottle, I errm.. I'll leave him sleeping" she nods her lip quivering. She shudders, not with cold but with nerves. Taking deep breaths trying to stop herself crying but every few minutes one large tear rolls down her cheek. She's quick to brush each one away.

Clay can barely look at her. He's locked his emotions down tight but every time he hears that crack in her voice he finds it harder. He looks at Sonny and they exchange silent glances.

"Um.. I think I just need the bathroom one more time. I .. I .." _Ohh!_ " ..I won't be a minute" she gasps through her tears.

What she really means is, that she has to go cry by herself again. Hide away, hoping that if she cries enough, then she'll exhaust the emotions.

Catching a glimpse of the sleeping Casey, in his crib, she takes a deep breath _Oh!!! Oh god!!!_ she runs her hands through her hair "I'm so sorry." Her lip shudders and she bites at it hard to stop it. The tears flow freely and the continual stabbing pain in her chest hurts. "Oh god! I can't do this" she wipes her nose on her hand, she's now a snotty blubbering mess and she heads into the bathroom for tissue.

Looking at herself in the mirror _Why? Why are you doing this?_ She questions herself over and over, as to why she's causing herself, and Clay, this heartache

_Oh God!!! _She sits down on the side of the bath, clutching her head in her hands while she sobs uncontrollably.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

"I'll um... I'll take her case downstairs. Tell her I'll wait there for her" Clay's lip trembles and his eyes well with hot tears as he looks at her suitcases.

"You okay?" Sonny frowns, chewing his gum

"Yeah. Um... thanks for doing this. She, she didn't wanna upset Casey again at the airport"

"It's fine. You know it's cool brother, anytime. I love lookin after him anyways. Look, just hold in there Clay, alright? You need to be strong now"

Sonny's words are too much for Clay to bear and the odd tear rolls down his cheek "I can't do this, man. I mean, I can, this time, but...what about next time. She's gonna be gone for months, then I'm on deployment. How the hell can we go through this, each time?" He rubs his head in his hands _Oh god!_ "Why Sonny, why did she wanna go back so much?" he sighs again "You know I ... I kept hoping, that she'd change her mind"

"Clay, c'mon man, you know why she's gotta do this. Same reason we do, what we do, right? You just gotta be strong now brother. Don't let her see you like this. You need to be there for her, she needs ya right now. Look, I promise... when you come back from the airport, we'll sink some beers...." he smiles ".. and you can cry all ya want"

"Okay! Okay, yeah you're right" Clay takes a deep breath, pulling himself together as he sees her standing in the doorway "You okay?" he smiles

_Mmmm hmm! _she nods, unable to speak. She knows if she does, she'll probably only cry again.

"Well, I'll um.. I'll take this down to the truck. Give you a minute to make sure you have everything"

_Mmmm hmm!_ "Sure" she bites her lip, her hands trembling as she takes a long last look around the apartment, remembering all their time together there. She smiles, thinking of that first night she came back with Clay from the bar and everything that's happened since. She looks up and her eyes meet with Sonny and she smiles "We'll I guess this is goodbye for a while"

"Nah it's just c'ya right? You'll be back before I even have time ta think about ya!" he laughs, swallowing his emotions back, he can start to feel his tears welling, a huge lump in the back of his throat as he grabs hold of her and pulls her close against him. "Just enjoy it okay. We got this"

_Mmmm!_ She nods now she can't stop her tears and Sonny looks at her

"Hey .. stop that okay... You'll damn well set me off" he smiles

"Take care of them for me, please?" she snivels through her tears "Help him with Casey right. He needs someone Sonny. Promise me you'll be there"

"Hey, he's my brother, my family. I'm always there for him. You don't need to worry about that. I always got his six"

"Yeah... yeah I know" She holds him tight kissing his cheek "Right .. well I .. I guess I um... I better go then." She sniffs, wiping her nose "Um... Casey... he's asleep, he'll probably need changing when he wakes up"

"Hey, don't worry 'bout a thing. I got this." He smiles "Metal he um...he gave me a tutorial last night"

She nods trying to smile through her pain, her chest is tight and it's difficult to breath as she desperately tries to hold her tears back "Oh Sonny..." she gasps "I.." she takes another breath unable to speak properly "Just... just give him an extra cuddle for me, when he wakes up"

"Hey, you know I will" Sonny pulls her close holding her tight, he's struggling with his emotions "I um... I need the bathroom. I'll check on my lil champ while I'm there" he smiles as she lets go and heads to the door.

Looking around one more time she takes a deep breath, tears streaming down her face "Bye Sonny!"


	36. I'll see you soon

_This is the final boarding call for all passengers of British airways flight LHR 116 to London Heathrow. Please report to the boarding gate immediately._

"Well, that's me!" Kelsey sighs looking up towards the flight departures board in front of them. She's wrapped in Clay's arms, him holding her tight against his chest "I guess I better go then"

_Mmmm hmm! _He nods, hardly daring to speak for fear he might cry in front of her. He leans forward and kisses her slowly "You sure you're gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm good. I um... I'll call you, when I land" she can feel the stinging sensation of the tears welling in her eyes. Her throat is dry, painful and her heart thumping hard in her chest "Okay, kiss me!" she smiles, taking a deep breath trying desperately to stop herself sobbing.

He strokes her hair away from her face and holding her cheeks in his hands, he kisses her "You know I'm gonna miss you!"

"Yeah...yeah me too. Take care of Casey and give him a big kiss from me. Oh, and don't forget his elephant at bedtime. He um.... he ... he won't sleep without it"

"I got it.. I'll remember. Hey, don't worry about anything. He's gonna be fine and it's only three weeks, then you're home" he smiles, kissing the top of her head "It will fly past, I promise"

"Yeah..."her lip shudders and she bites against it hard to stop it while sniffing, anxious not to start crying because she knows she won't be able to stop. She fails. Huge beads of tears, roll down her cheeks, dripping from her chin "Okay...so, I'm gonna go and I'm not gonna look back, okay?"

"Okay!" Clay takes a deep anxious breath and kisses her again "Just enjoy it. Remember, this is what you wanted, so make the most of it"

"I know... I know" she nods " I just..." she cries openly now "Oh god, why does it have to be so hard" she can't hold back, wiping her face with the tissue. "How the hell do other people do this? And why do I feel so guilty?"

Then Clay kisses against her lips, holding her tight. Wrapping his arms around her back, he stares her deep in the eyes "Hey... c'mon. You don't need to feel guilty, like you said you're not the only one who does this. Kelsey, we can do it.... we've got this, we'll do it together."

_Hmm!_ "Yeah, I guess, but...it's hard " she wipes her face with the back of her hand as he passes her bag and passport to her. She takes another deep breath "Okay ..." She sighs "okay, I can do this, I'll see you soon."

"You can do this and I'll see you very soon." He nods, smiling "Now go!"

She smiles, kissing him for one last time and then taking a deep breath she walks towards the check in desk with tears streaming down her face. Then closing her eyes tightly, they check her bags in. 

Just before she disappears from sight, she can't help it and turns, taking one last look back. Clay puts his hand up to acknowledge her. She nods and waves, mouthing "I love you so much!"  
  
As she disappears from sight, Clay's own tears begin to flow. The raw pain and emotion in each one stings as they roll down his face. The hurt cuts deep like a knife wound in his chest. He can't imagine having to do this again, and for much longer next time. Even now he's wondering how they will cope.

A few minutes of being lost in his own feelings and he pulls himself together. Taking his cell from his pocket "Hey um... Sonny, just thought I'd let you know, I'm on my way back now. Yeah... yeah her flight just left. Yeah I'm okay, I'll be back soon"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

** 19 days later  **

"Hey!"

The image on the screen stutters at first, buffering before it becomes clearer "Hey there!" Clay smiles as Kelsey's face fills the whole of the laptop screen " Can you hear me?...How are you?"

"Yeah .. yeah I can hear you. It's so good to see you." she smiles, a huge beaming grin as his face lights up her phone screen "I'm good. I just can't wait to get back now. A couple more days to go and I'll be home, can you believe how fast it's gone" she smiles "So, how is he? Is my baby okay today?"

"Yeah, he's feeling much better now. Doctor said it was just a sniffle. Think, he's been really missing you though, especially while he's been out of sorts. Just wants a Mommy cuddle" Clay smiles at her, he knows how worried she's been and how awful he felt when he had to tell her Casey wasn't well. He knew how tough it would have been for her, being that far away and unable to do anything "Oh um...just to warn you, Sonny and Ash are here with me. So careful what you say " he laughs

"Okay .. I will do" she smiles thinking about the conversations they've had on previous evenings "Hey guys!" She waves as Clay turns the screen so she can see them "So, where is he?" She takes a breath, smiling as Sonny holds Casey towards the screen 

"Hey, look champ, it's your mommy. Say hey Mommy" Sonny takes Casey's hand in his and waves it at the screen "We missing you, Mommy. I've been so good while you've been gone. Oh, and I can tell you that Daddy's been a good boy too, Uncle Sonny said there's been no drinking with his buddy's!" Sonny smiles winking at her.

"Hey Casey! Mummy's missing you too. I'll be home very soon though baby. I love you" she smiles watching as he bites, sucking against his small fist "He looks bigger now"

"Yeah ...yeah he's putting on a lot of weight. I um... I took him swimming again yesterday, now he's feeling better. He sure loves it" Clay smiles "So you do you know when you're getting back?"

"Um... well we're UK bound now; it'll take a couple of days to get back to shore so I'll have to let you know the details" she smiles " So, what's Ash doing there, something going on?"

"Oh err... Audrey, is here. She's moving her stuff in today. Ash's been giving her a hand"

"Okay, so how's that been going? Is it working out?" she frowns

"Oh yeah it's been fine, a little strange, having someone else here looking after him but ... she coped pretty well when I got spun up a couple days back. I mean didn't plan for that while she was here, but she said she didn't mind so... it was good. Gotta say it was one less thing to worry about, when I left. You wanna say hello?"

"Um.... yeah, yeah sure" Kelsey coughs nervously taking a deep breath. For some reason that she can't understand, it stings, thinking about this woman, who's been taking care of her son.

"Hola! Ms Roberts" the pretty dark-haired woman's face now fills the screen. She's slightly older than Kelsey imagined, or her resume described.

"Oh...hi! Um...please, just call me Kelsey, it's fine" she gives her a smile as she swallows apprehensively "Nice to meet you. We'll err.. we'll meet for real, in a couple of days. Are the boys, looking after you alright?"

"Oh si! Ash and Clay have been very kind, helping me find my way around and Mr Sonny, he is very funny."

"Yeah, yeah he is. I'm glad they're helping you settle in "

"Yes, I was bringing my belongings, here today, but I've arranged to stay with friends for a couple of nights, when you come back. I thought you and Mr Spenser might appreciate some time alone, as a family"

"Oh um... that's....that's very kind of you, but I hope it isn't an inconvenience for you?"

"No, no I haven't visited them for a while and so will be nice to go do some things with them"

"Well thank you. We um.. we do have a lot to catch up" Kelsey relaxes a little, relieved at how nice she seems "Well again nice to meet you. Sorry to break off could I speak to Clay only I don't have very much time left"

"Oh yes, sure I will meet with you soon. Adios"

"Clay um... can I talk to you, _alone_"

"Yeah... yeah just hold on" he picks up the laptop and heads to the bedroom for privacy "Hey so, what's up?"

"Nothing, just um... I won't get to speak to you again before we get back. We're going into a training exercise and we'll be radio silent until we dock. I have to go soon, we're on restricted hours as well"

"Okay.. so when will I hear from you?"

"I'll err... I'll contact you when we get into port. Send you my flight numbers when I have them." She coughs and smiles" She .. well she seems nice. A little older for a student than I thought she'd be"

"Yeah she's a mature law student. Halfway through her course, that's why she didn't wanna leave. She's actually really intelligent, speaks four languages. Oh, and um... Sonny's taken a bit of a shine to her" he smiles

"Yeah well don't be encouraging that. If she's as good as you said, then the last thing we need is him tempting her away, not if it's making life easier"

"Well you know, he's been here most of the time, while you've been gone,_ keeping me company_. It's going to be strange for him to go back to his own place when you get back. But Casey loves having him around. He laughs so much now, you're gonna love it when you hear him" he sighs, stroking the picture of her face on the screen " I can wait to see how he reacts when you get back"

"He probably won't remember me."

"Hey, come on you know that's not true; he smiles every time you call."

_Mmmm! _"Yeah, I guess." she wipes a tear off of her cheek "You know Clay, I can't wait to hold you, cuddle you both. I mean the late-night video sessions.." she smiles "have been great but... it's not the same as the real thing. I miss your smell so much"

"My _smell_, that's what you miss? You sure it's not something else" he laughs " Well, it's only two more days and then you'll be on a flight home. I can't wait either" he leans forward and kisses the screen. Then he looks down, taking his cell from his pocket as it vibrates _Shit! _

She can hear the sound too "Is that you getting spun up?" she frowns, a little worried

"Yeah! God damn it!" he sighs "I was hoping... I mean I wanted to know I was gonna be here when your flight lands ... shit!!!" he frowns "Look, I'm gonna have to go"

"Yeah, don't worry. I have to go too . Like I said were on exercise now, I'm pushing it messaging you for this long. Still it’s better that you go today, than when I land right?" she sighs "Tell you what, I'll get an uber from the airport, and then you won't have to worry if you don't get back in time"

"Well hopefully I'll be back, I'll let you know. You okay getting to the airport from the ship?"

"Um... yeah. Yeah a um... a friend is going to drive me. It's going to be late when I get back so... I figured I'd do that, then I wouldn't have to wait until morning for the train, I can get an earlier flight that way. Be home sooner."

"Okay, well... I'll see you in a couple of days then I guess. "

"Yeah" she sighs smiling "Be safe Clay! Can you let me say bye to Casey before you go?"

"Yeah sure" he heads through to the living area and Sonny turns him around to face the screen

"Bye baby boy.. " Kelsey blows him a kiss goodbye "Mummy will see you very soon" he smiles at the sound of her voice "Be safe everyone and I'll see you all in a few days"

The screen her end goes blank and the link is cut. Clay takes a deep breath as he looks at up at Sonny "We have to go. Um... Ash you gonna be okay with him?" he questions as he kisses Casey and hands him across.

Audrey smiles as she looks at them both "Well I'm here now ... so, I may as well take over, yes?"

"Um.." Clay frowns "are you sure? Only... well you weren't due to start for another couple of days"

"Yes, I'm sure... Ash can perhaps stay and show me where to find everything. But we are already acquainted, and we will be fine, just go"

"Okay then, I'll just grab my gear, that okay by you dad?"

"Oh yeah, would be easier for me. I have a studio appointment... I could've taken him but if Audrey doesn't mind, it would help me out"

"Sonny you ready to roll?"

"Yeah, sure am man"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

Kelsey puts her head in her hands, wiping the tears from her face. She takes a moment for quiet reflection and then she hits call again on her phone "Hey ...um Alex it's Kelsey. Just a quick call I don't have much time, you still okay to collect me when we dock and drive me to the airport ?"

"Yeah.. yeah sure. I told you I would. You okay. You look tired today. You sleeping better now?"

"I'm good. You know sleeps hard to come by on a ship" she smiles "I'll be fine. There's only two more days until I'm back. Look, we're on a communications black out in an hour, so I won't know what time we're due to dock yet"

"It's okay I'll get word. You spoken to Clay today?"

"Yeah...Casey’s a lot better now, so that's good. I can relax a bit more knowing that"

"Bet they're looking forward to having you home?"

"Yeah ... it's gonna be great! I can't wait"

"Hey, you sure you're okay?" he frowns worried by her tone. 

"Yeah just a bit nervous" she sighs apprehensively "The um... the new nanny, Audrey. She's there now. Alex, if I'm honest I'm not sure how I feel about having her there with Casey. It was hard imaging her cuddling him, when he's poorly. You know, her being the one there for him and not me. This next deployment is going to be harder. I just.... " _hmmm_ she sighs again "I know it's for the best but why do I feel so shit about it?"

"Hey. C'mon you're just missing him, that's all. A few days you'll be home, and it'll all be fine"

"Do you think?" she frowns, rubbing her head and checking the time on her watch "Do you think this is a mistake, me being here. Do you think I should just get out now?"

"What? No why? Kelsey, what's brought this on. The other day when I spoke to you, you were loving being back. You said you felt like you had a purpose. So, what's changed now?"

"I don't know. I guess I'm just over thinking about going away again. It seems such a long time"

"Look, you've got time. Just don't make any rash decisions right now. I'll talk with you when you get back, okay?"

"Yeah... yeah I'll see you soon. Alex, thanks"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Hey Poster Boy, I bet you can't wait to get back tonight" Sonny laughs sitting himself on the bench next to Clay " So what times her flight get in?"

"I don't know yet. I'm still waiting for her to send her flight numbers through. I should be hearing anytime soon" he checks the time on his watch and the screen on his phone is still blank of messages " I'm guessing she must have docked by now or pretty soon anyway" he smiles. Grinning to himself as he thinks about seeing her and the night ahead he has planned "Hey Sonny, you think I should get her something? Like flowers, chocolates, something, so she knows we missed her"

"Are you serious?" Jason laughs as he stands over them "You know she's gonna know you missed her, just by the look on your face"

"Yeah and I'm sure you can think of another less expensive present to give her" Sonny winks as he and Jason start to laugh

"Oh, he's going to be giving her that present alright, all that pent up frustration!"

"Guys please! This is my life you're talking about, so can we stop with the details"

"Oh, c'mon Clay. We all know what you're gonna be doin tonight. Testing that new apartment out, right?" Sonny laughs loudly, shoving against him. They now both stand up and start to pack up their bags, ready to leave the flight as they come into land.

"Ahhh! Yeah but Sonny, he's got that nanny there now. They gonna have to go more stealth mode, use their imaginations"

"Oh yeah I forgot about Audrey. Oh Clay, that's gonna be a little awkward right? You know I have a solution to your problem; I could offer to take her out of the night"

"Sonny, you just keep those thoughts to yourself. Last thing I need is you dating my Au pair. I don't need the fall out. Things are just starting to work out just right with that"

"Ahh! But you know, I've seen all those films about babysitters, being hot as hell. And you gotta admit, she's a pretty fine-looking woman. She was also tellin me that she rides horses, Texas lovin girl right there"

"Sonny.... please don't go there" Clay smiles throwing his ruck sack over his shoulder as the landing ramp drops down in front of them.

They are all still laughing as they walk across the tarmac to the parking lot. Sonny frowns as the look over to where their vehicles are parked "Hey up! What's goin' on?" he frowns "Why's Ash here with the baby? You expectin' him to meet you?"

"No, I wasn't expecting him. I don't know" Clay frowns, his face fills with a look of concern. They step up their stride across the concrete. The other guys all follow behind him "Hey Dad, wassup?"

"Um...look Clay..." he hesitates and hands Casey to Sonny to hold. "I um... I've got some news. I needed to tell you in person"

"Okay, well couldn't you just wait 'til I got back ..." he frowns, laughing nervously as his stomach lurches. He can see the stone cold dead pan look on Ash's face "Alright, what's going on?"

He has a pale drawn complexion and stutters over his words as all the guys look at him. They're now also concerned and stare, waiting for a reply "Look.. there's no easy way to say this, so I'm just gonna say it. There's been an accident..."

“What?” the expression from Clay’s face drops and he frowns, he suddenly has sick feeling of dread "There's been a what? What do you mean an accident, what sort of accident?"

"A um... a road traffic accident" he takes a breath "It's um...it's Kelsey. The car she was in… it was hit by a truck."


	37. Please don't tell me that.

Clay falters, his head spins and suddenly overwhelmed by a nauseous feeling his legs buckle beneath him. 

Jason grabs his arm "Whoa there! I got ya. You alright?"

"Yeah" Clay steadies himself, leaning against the side of the truck behind his back while pulling himself away from Jason's hold. 

Crouching down, he takes a moment. Head in hands trying to catch his breath and take on board what Ash just told him. "Wait! What? ... No, she um... she.....she was getting her flight. She .. she ... was meant to text me her flight number, when she docked. She said...I mean... oh my god what the hell happened. This .. this can't be right?" he looks up frowning at Ash "How? I mean how did this happened? You need to tell me!"

"Clay I... I don't have all the details, but she was, she was on her way to the airport, they'd only just left the port, half an hour when it happened. Her friend, he couldn't talk for the long he had to go have some treatment. He was also hurt"

"What?" Clay interrupts trying to make some sort of sense of it all. He doesn't want to hear this and he certainly can't accept it "Why.. . why did they call you? I mean, how is it you know".

"Like I said, it was her friend, he called me. " Ash hesitates, he looks up at the other guys apprehensive before speaking "he um ... he had my number; Kelsey gave it to him for emergencies. She'd told him you'd been spun up and so he called me first"

"Him?" Clay frowns "Who? Who's _him? _Who the hell called you?"

"Clay look... " Ash sighs, shifting around uneasily. The other can feel his tension as he does finally answer him "Alex! It was.. Alex, he was the one, driving her to the airport"

"_ALEX?!_" Clay's stunned for a moment and takes a deep breath, sucking air in through his teeth “No! No...no it can't be. What do you mean Alex? No, she wasn't even talking to him. I don't understand. I don't get it. Why was he driving? You sure it was him?"

"Yes, it was him and I told you... Clay I only have the brief details he gave me. He's at the hospital with her. I said, he's been hurt as well, though he did say not badly"

"He's okay, but Kelsey's not? " Clay swallows, his mouth goes dry with fear. He takes a deep breath almost scared to ask "How bad is she? I mean.... she's .....she's alive, right?.... Oh god, please don't... please don't tell me she didn't make it." he shakes his head stepping backwards away from Ash "No! No ... no please you don't say that" his face falters as he stares at his father.

"Clay...." Ash closes his eyes, seeing his son in this much hurt is so hard ".. she's stable but she's in ICU. Alex he um... he said she's not good. They have her in a medical coma. It's just a precaution until they assess her" Hhe takes a deep breath he can hear the shocked sighs from the others and then they all fall into complete silence, all eyes drop to the floor and no one moves "He said she has a fractured hip and also she's broken her leg, and arm. But it's her head injury they're worried about"

"She hit her head? ... Oh god! No! No ... " the bile reaches the back of Clay's throat. He turns around unable to hold his nerves. Then stepping away then leaning against the wire mesh of the fence that surrounds the parking lot and he starts to retch, gagging until he throws up the food he ate earlier.

The guys all look at each other every one of them shocked, and still silent. Trent's the first to move as he checks on Clay "Take some deep breaths ... and give yourself a minute, okay?"

Clay nods he's stunned, as wave after wave of nervous sickness churns in his gut. He wipes his mouth on the piece of tissue Trent hands him " So, what do I do now? I mean where is she?"

"Um....Alex, he left his number and said for you to call him once you got back and then he'd update you"

Clay looks at his father staring him in the eyes "I can't.... I can' t call him. No!" there's an anger inside and it bubbles to the surface "Oh God! I don't understand " he sighs "What the hell was she doing with him? Why ...why was she with him? Tell me! She said....she said she wouldn't contact him again. What the hell were they doin?"

"Clay, he was driving her to the airport"

"No.... no I don't believe that." he rubs at his head standing up, then he paces around "What were they doing together? Were they seeing each other? "

"Clay..." Ash closes his eyes unsure how to answer his questions.

"Why the hell is she in a coma and he's walking and talking. It doesn't make sense....I don't get it. Why?!" Clay suddenly loses his temper grabbing hold of Ash by the collar "What the hell was going on?"

"Clay!... Clay, just calm down, man!" Jason pulls him away "Look, we'll get to the bottom of this okay... we'll find out what's going on. But you just need to calm down alright, this is not Ash's fault"

"But, what the hell, Jason" Clay pulls away, he leans his head back against the side of the vehicle behind and takes a deep breath "Why the hell was she in _his _car? I don't understand" he frowns staring at him, the tears filling his eyes.

"Clay, I..." Jason doesn't know what to say as Clay continues to stare, begging him for answers

"Oh my god!! Jason, I can't lose her. I can't! You understand me, right? What about Casey? I mean he needs his Mom." he rubs his hand in his hair "Goddammit, she was coming home today. She was missing us" 

Clay starts to cry uncontrollably rubbing his hand through his hair. He's bereft. Trent touches his arm but he pulls from his grip and walks away to get some space on his own.

Sonny hands Casey to across to 'Metal' and grabbing hold of Clay he pulls him against his chest, holding him tight, trying to console "Look, c'mon. We'll call him, find out what's going on, man. Clay you listenin, you need to call Alex"

Ray bites his lip anxiously. He's been silent until now. Watching his head has filled with quiet prayers before he finally speaks " Look Clay, I .. I have Alex's number, brother. You want me to call him, for you? Find out what's going on?"

Clay looks confused for a moment and then reluctantly he nods "Yeah .. yeah. I just ... I can't speak to him.. I just can't. Not after, last time but I need to know what was going on"

"Okay, it's okay. "Sonny takes a breath "Let Ray do it man, just take a breath"

"I'll call him now" Ray nods. He walks away to make the call while Sonny and the others try to reassure Clay. Jason's thinking things over as as he and Ash exchange looks 

"Okay, so um.... let's get you home Clay, then we can sort things out from there. Decide what to do. You gonna need some stuff and you need to take the baby home"

"I need to go... I mean I need a flight. I.. I need... oh god I don't know, I don't know what to do. ... oh Jesus!" he sighs "I just need to know she's gonna be okay"

"Hey, look Clay just calm down, alright. Let's get you home, take it from there. Sonny you drive him. Ash you take the baby, you got the travel seat"

"No!!" Clay takes hold of Casey holding him close to his chest "NO! No, I need to take my son. You hear me I need to take him" Clay can't get his breath, but he does know he can't be separated from Casey right now. "Oh god!!..." he looks at Ash , then over to Jason "She’s gonna die .. he's not even gonna see her again"

"Hey, Clay c'mon just calm down, you bring him with us alright. Clay, c'mon she's not gonna die man, that's not gonna happen. It's not gonna happen... alright"

"But it did, you can't say that! Jason... he knows, you can't say that... " he swallows anxiously "I mean... they couldn't save Alana right, she died. What if they can't save Kelsey? Oh my god what am I gonna do?"

"No! No that's not gonna happen this time. Clay, you can't think like that. You don't know yet alright ... let just get you back and sort out. We'll get you a flight, we'll get you out there"

"Right...." Clay takes a breath " .. okay yeah. Oh god!!!" The pain his chest hurts "Why coudln't she have just waited for the train. She was comin home Sonny" he holds Casey tight against him his head tucked under Clay's chin as he kisses him, stroking his back.

"I know, it sucks man" Jason nods "C'mon Sonny ... let's get him home. I'll wait with Ray and follow on. Just go. Ash you go with them"

"Yeah, sure. Clay I'll follow you alright" Ash sighs he's lost and doesn't know what to say to his son, remembering when Clay's mom died he feels sick as the memories flood his head "Um.... Audrey should be there she said she'd come back; she went for lunch with a friend"

Clay nervously nods watching as Sonny moves the travel seat into his truck and they tuck Casey safely inside. Clay's barely able to let him go "Sonny I ... Oh god she was coming home. She was on her way back. Shit."

"Clay just get in the truck okay, Jason's right, let’s get you back" Jason and he exchange glances both of them have the same horrible feeling in the pit of their stomachs, both men's hearts beating hard in their chests.

Memories of that day, when he was told about Alana. They flash speedily through Jason's mind. The same overwhelming feeling of dread fills every fiber of his body now. Like time is frozen with a pain stabbing at your heart. He knows exactly the thoughts and feelings running though Clay's body but though he knows the pain he doesn’t know what to do, or say.

He takes a deep breath as he watches the vehicles drive away. Turning he can see Ray his cell pressed tight against his ear, pacing around the parking lot, rubbing his head. Occasionally he looks at the sky as if he's praying. 

Then as Jason catches his eye, he can hear him finishing up the call "Yeah.... yeah sure.....Yeah....Thanks Alex,.... I will, I'll call you for an update when we get Clay back. Speak soon. Yeah take care, look after yourself" He looks up rolling his eyes at Jason and sighing.

"So? What'd he have to say? Please tell me it's some good news, Ray. I don't know what the hell to say to him if not. I mean ... he has that baby. What the hell's he gonna do, if she doesn't make it?"

"Okay just calm down alright. Alex he um.. he says she's not good but... she is holdin in there" Ray bites against his lip, he can feel himself getting emotional "She's still unconscious, and so they still have her in ICU. They not gonna bring her around until they've run some tests. They wanna know how bad the head injury is first. Ash was right, she's fractured her hip and broken her leg and arm. They gonna do some surgery to pin the bone in her leg" he takes another breath "She sounds pretty banged up. You want me to tell Clay when we get there. I mean, you have more idea what he's going through. May be you should..."

"No... No, I have no idea what to say to him" Jason frowns “Oh god Ray, how can I tell him this is gonna be alright. I mean that's what everyone told me. right? She'll be fine, she’ll pull through, but she didn't, did she ... so how can I tell Clay it’s gonna be okay, when we both know she might not."

"Jason you can't talk like that, man. He needs you, needs us... to get him through this, brother"

"Yeah ... yeah I know " he takes a deep breath trying to get some perspective, trying to find some hope and be positive "So um... how's Alex doin? Was he hurt?"

"Yeah he's okay. Still a bit shocked by the sounds of things, said it happened so fast. He err... he has a couple of broken ribs .. some injury to his knee but other than some bruising he says he's okay"

"That's good right" Jason nods he’s thinking things over "But what the hell was she doin’ with him Ray? You know Clay's not gonna leave that alone"

"He swears, he was just being a friend. He was driving her to the airport because she wanted to get an earlier flight back. She didn't wanna wait for a train in the morning. He said she couldn't wait to get home that…” he sighs “that she was so excited to be coming home. Jason, he promised me there was nothing going on, said that she'd warned him off a while back. I believe him."

"You believe him? What enough to make Clay buy it? Make him believe there was nothing going on, you think Clay will accept that"

"Yeah... " Ray rubs his head thinking of what a chaotic mess this is "Oh I dunno... maybe, yeah! Look I have no reason not to think he's tellin the truth"

"Alright .." Jason sighs pulling his fingers through his hair while he tries to work out what to do next "so let’s get back and you can explain to him. Then we'll take it from there"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

** Back at Clay and Kelsey’s new apartment  **

Casey's crying persistently. Clay's anxious and nothing he does will settle the baby.

Audrey places a hand gently against his shoulder stopping him from pacing backwards and forward. "Please Clay, let me take him. I'll give him his bottle, and settle him, he can probably feel all your tension. Clay, he doesn't understand" she smiles, rubbing Casey's cheek with her finger as she reassures and tries to calm them both.

Clay closes his eyes, screwing them together tight. Holding Casey even closer against his chest but then, reluctantly, he lets Audrey take him from his arms.

She smiles sympathetically, rubbing her hand soothingly on Casey’s back, hushing him, rocking him in her arms "She's going to be alright Clay. I will pray for her" she sighs smiling. She can see just how worried and hurt he is, the look in his eyes is desolate, just filled with shock and despair.

"No! No, you don't know that so don't say it! You can't say that, you can’t!" he snaps angrily, pointing his finger at her before rubbing his head frustrated. He's sick of everyone trying to tell him it’s going to be alright "None of you know that. You don't know it's gonna be alright. God, you hear all the time... people ..." he can't finish his sentence his words trailing off as his voice cracks. He turns his back on everyone "Just leave me alone!"

"Okay," she frowns concerned and hurt by his tone towards her "Let me get his bottle made and then I'll make everyone some coffee"

"Hey Clay, now, just calm down there, alright. This is not Audrey’s fault, she' just trying to be nice, so don't got takin’ your hurt out on her. It's not right"

"Yeah.." Clay sighs nodding his head "Yeah, you're right. Audrey, I'm sorry. Sonny's right I shouldn't have snapped at you. I just... oh god I just want her to come home"

"I know" Audrey smiles sympathetically, she can see the pain he's feeling. She looks at Sonny neither of them really knows what to say or do "It's fine, don't worry I .... I know you didn't mean it. You're just worried I know that. I just go feed him, he's hungry"

"Hey, let me do the coffee you go sort Champ there" Sonny smiles stroking Casey’s cheek trying to sooth him "Hey, hey buddy, c'mon don't cry" Casey reaches his hand out to grab at Sonny’s fingers "No buddy, you go with Audrey" he smiles at her " She got your milk. Hey, that gonna be nice right" 

He smiles apprehensively staring at the baby. Then as he feels his own tears welling in his eyes as dark thoughts start to creep inside his head. He swallows the emotions trapping them in the back of his throat _  
_

_What the hell's gonna happen if she don't make it? _He tries to shake the thoughts away from him as he watches Clay wiping tears from his cheek. "You okay Clay?"

" Yeah... no. Oh I dunno..." he shrugs "What the hell am I gonna do Sonny?" he takes a breath, staring out of the window " I need to get over there, I need to do something. I can’t just stand here"

"Okay... okay let's just wait for Ray and Jace, they'll be here soon then we'll sort somethin'"

They both look around, hearing the sudden loud knock on the door. Trent gets up from his seat where he’s been sat quiet since they arrived back. He turns the latch and opens the door and is followed inside by Jason and Ray. 

Their faces are pale, and they have this glum sadness "How's it going?" Jason frowns looking to Sonny for an update.

"I'm um... just making some coffee" he opens the refrigerator door for the milk and as he does he smiles "Ooh hey Clay, you got beers in here. You wan' one of them instead " he takes some of them out and places them on the breakfast bar "I know I could do with one, I know that for sure"

Everyone takes one, except Clay, he's still pacing around the living area. Running his hands through his hair, easing the aching feeling in his head. Trying desperately to hold himself together.

"Where's the baby?" Jason frowns noticing Casey's not in the room. Ash is still silent as he sits on the couch lost in his own thoughts, Trent next to him. 

"Oh um... Audrey's just feedin' him, he wouldn't settle. So what'd he say, Alex." Sonny frowns waiting for something from Ray

"Yeah um... " Jason takes a breath as Clay turns to look at him "Look um.. Ray spoke with him...." he pauses, hesitating his words

"And? Jason, what? Oh .. .. is she okay... please god tell me she's okay”?

Ray sighs, his heart heavy "She's um... she's alive, yes but um... she's in ICU." he takes another breath "He, Alex, he says they think she's fractured her pelvis, and she has a broken leg, and arm but.. um.... " he pauses looking around at the others in the room "It's the head injury they are concerned with right now"

"Oh Jesus!" Clay takes a deep breath; he feels sick again. Glad she's alive but worried the list of her injuries and the solemn tone Ray's using "Is.. is, is she gonna pull through?" Clay's lip quivers "I can't lose her. I mean, Casey he ... he needs his Mom. She has to make it, right?"

"Clay......" Ray takes another breath, he can see the hurting horror in Clay's face, and it makes it difficult for him to speak "... Alex, he said she's holdin in there. They gonna run some tests later but Clay...he did say the first ones were positive, so that's good right? That means there's hope"

"Hope?! What the hell does that mean? _Hope!!_" Clay wipes the large tear from his cheek "So, did he um... did he say why he was with her. I mean what they were they doing"

"Yeah, he ... he said he was just giving her a ride to the airport; Clay, he swears that's all it was. She wanted to get an earlier flight cos she wanted to come home. The train wasn't running 'til morning and there was an overnight flight, so him taking meant she could get that"

"Oh Jesus!! _Shit!_ Why didn't she wait, get the train. Then this wouldn't have happened." Clay closes his eyes, but he can’t stop the tears that now stream down his face. Turning his back on the others and staring silently out of the window, he wipes them away.

The guys continue to stare at each other, the silence is awkward and the atmosphere tense. No one knows what to say or how to comfort him.

"So.." he takes a breath turning around to look at Ray ".. he's not injured? Alex. There's nothing wrong with him?" he frowns "Why is it just her?"

"He is ... hurt. He said he had some injuries. His knee, may have to have some surgery; he's got some broken ribs but the um... the truck. .." Ray takes a breath the details sound harsh, hurtful it seems morbid to describe "Kelsey's side of the vehicle it took the main impact"

"Oh god!!!" Clay sucks back his emotions, once again he feels faint as his mind draws pictures of what happened "And what about the driver, of the truck. Where's he? Did he walk away too? Is it just Kelsey that was hurt”?

"I don't know. I um...I didn't ask. Sorry I ...I never thought. " Ray sighs rubbing his hand over his beard "Sorry man, I don't know"

"It's okay Ray." Jason intervenes "Clay, forget all that now. What you wanna do now?"

"I dunno... I mean um.... I .. I guess I need to get a flight. I need to pack some gear and ....get Casey's stuff together. Oh god! I can't think straight" he's exasperated as tired emotions overwhelm him.

"What?" Jason’s frowns looking around at the others "You err... you gonna take the baby with you?"

"Clay..." Sonny frowns as well "Clay, is that a good idea, man? I mean... why don't you get yourself out there, see how the land lies first. You aint gonna be able to take care of a baby as well".

"But she'll wanna see him. When she wakes up I mean she'll want him there, won't she? She hasn't seen him in three weeks she'll want Casey there"

"Clay..." Trent places his hand on his shoulder looking at him "Clay if she's in ICU, you know they won't let you take a baby in. It'll be restricted visits. Be better to leave him here, brother"

"I 'll think of something .. I'll .. I'll, oh I don't know. " He sits, collapsing down on to the couch with his head in his hands "I just thought.... that she'd want him to be there"

"I know ..." Ray smiles, trying to reassure him "Clay leave Casey here, where he's safe. Audrey's here. We're all here. We'll make sure he's okay, that he's taken care of. It won't do no good right now to drag him all that way. And if she comes around we can make arrangements to get him out to you"

"What do you mean _if_ ? You said _if _she comes around?" his face furrows with worry "What, you don't think she's going to make it, do you?"

"Clay calm down! That's not what he meant. She's gonna come around, okay. Just...." Jason looks up as his cell phone stars to vibrate "Sorry, it's Blackburn. I need to take this" he walks away and heads to the quiet space of the kitchen

Sonny strokes Clay's back and hands him a beer "C'mon buddy, think positive. She's gonna be alright. I know it"

" Clay.." Ray frowns he hands him a scrap of paper "Alex, he said if you wanna call him he'll update you. He said there's no hard feelings, about what went on .. between you. This is about Kelsey now not.." he sighs

"You have his number? Why?" Clay frowns as an anger bubbles up inside him "Have you been talking to him? Taking his side"

"No ... look we got on when he was here, we talked for a while. But we haven't spoken, not since... since everything went on. But I still had his number on my cell"

"Oh, you think he's some good guy don't you. Some _nice_ guy" Clay stands up moving towards to Ray angrily " You do know he wanted her, right?" they both stare at each other neither moving "No!...No, I'm not callin' him. He can go to hell!"

"Clay, c'mon man, you need to put that aside. You wanna know how she's doing, right? Then call him. Clay c'mon, be the bigger man here."

Clay takes a breath closing his eyes, there's a surge of pain in his chest. His throat feels like he's suffocating as his emotions start to choke him. He can hardly talk as he grabs, snatching the piece of paper from Ray. 

For a few minutes he stands staring silently at it then he slowly looks up, tears welling in the rim of his eyes as he nods "Okay .. Yeah, yeah you're right." He bites against the flesh on his lip. All the hatred and hurt he feels for Alex he decides he must let go of. 

He looks up as Audrey stands in the doorway holding Casey."You wanna hold him? I think he would like a cuddle with his daddy" She smiles as she hands him over to Clay. She strokes his arm and looking at Sonny over his shoulder she grins reassuringly.

Casey snuggles against Clay's chest; he's settled and almost ready to sleep now. He looks down at this son watching his eyes start to close and the quiet yawn he gives "Hey there.." he gently rocks his body holding him tight ".. shush there buddy." Then he lets out a big, tired sigh "Let's find out how your Mommy's doing, right." 

He swallows, grinding his teeth apprehensively as he takes his cell from his pocket and dials the number from the scrap of paper.   
  
Just before he hits the call button Jason's back in the room with them. "Hey, so that was Blackburn. He's pulled some strings and they can get you on a military transport flight to the UK. There's one leaving soon, but we only got a couple of hours to get there. Only thing is.... you can't take the baby. So, it's up to you Clay, you can get that flight or wait and get a commercial later"

Clay looks around as he takes a moment to think. Unsure what to do he looks over at Sonny

"Hey, you need to take the flight man, get over there as soon as you can" Sonny smiles

"Sonny's right..." Jason looks at his watch "You take that flight, then you should be there in the next 11 hours"

"Okay..." Clay sighs, rubbing his head "..okay tell him I'll take it" He looks at Audrey "Are you gonna be okay to look after him while I'm gone? I mean, I don't know how long I'm gonna be. To be honest.." he frowns "I don't know anything right now" 

"Yes, Clay I will be fine!" she smiles, it's so reassuring but inside she feels so sorry for him and worries for him and Casey "I'm sure everyone will be able to help me, yes?" she looks around at Ash and Sonny "Don't worry Clay, we will take very good care of him. I promise you. Clay, she is going to be aright" Audrey smiles again, her Spanish accent has such a soothing calm tone

"I hope you're right; I really do, cos... well, I can't imagine to be without her. I mean... what the hell's Casey gonna do, he needs his Mommy, right buddy? We both need her back home with us" Clay takes a breath, tears streaming down his face. He strokes, a now sleeping, Casey's cheek "You need her, we both do. Oh god! " he looks up his eyes staring at Sonny "I love her so much I can't lose her"

"Hey, c'mon...." Sonny takes Casey from him, holding him tight to his chest, letting him settle back into the sleep he was enjoying "Go take a minute.... and call Alex!"

"Yeah and while you do that" Jason sighs " 'll speak to Blackburn, about getting you on that flight"

o-o-o-o-o

Clay paces the bedroom, he keeps sighing, taking deep breaths. His finger hovers over the call button on his cell. He doesn't know why whether its pride or ego or what but something's holding him back from making the call. _Oh god why did it have to be him?_ he frowns. 

Alex is the last person he wants to speak to right now. Then taking a breath his thumb hits the screen. The phone rings for a while before a weary but striking British accent answers

"Hello"

"Um..." Clay takes a breath then clears his throat coughing nervously "Alex, it's um... it's Clay"

"Clay!" Alex sighs, he almost sounds relieved to hear his voice "How are you doing?"

Clay laughs nervously as he bites his lip " Look we're not here to be polite to each other. I think we both know how we feel. But I .. I do need to know how Kelsey is"

"Yeah sure. Umm...look, I have to be honest with you, she's not good. They won't let me in with her right now, cos they're doing some tests, trying to establish...brain function, among other things"

"Oh god!" Clay takes a sharp intake of breath he almost collapses down on to the bed, the nauseous feeling returns "What do you mean, what tests?"

"Clay just hold in there alright. They said she's been responding pretty well considering the injuries"

_Oh shit!!....Shit!!_ He takes a breath unable to speak for a moment. "What.... " swallowing he tries to form his words without his voice breaking up "..what the hell happened?"

"It was an accident. We..." Alex now struggles as the shock of what’s happened starts to hit him "..we were on our way to the airport; I took the turning and this lorry just ploughed into the side of us. To be honest we're both lucky to be alive."

"Yeah but you're okay right! I mean you would be. It's Kelsey she's the one that's nearly dead not you. You know, it should be you!"

"Yeah, yeah and I wish it was. God I wish it was. If I could change places I would, in a heartbeat. I don't wanna be the one standing here, looking at her lying there a forest tubes and drips coming.... I- I just want her to wake up. I want her to smile and say she's okay. So, yes I would change places if I could" Alex drops the phone from his ear, he wipes the tears from his eyes, taking breath to control his emotions.

Clay swallows as he also starts to cry "So you're not hurt then?"

"um..... a little I um .. I've done some damage to my knee from the impact, they think I've torn some tendons and a couple of broken ribs. I dislocated my shoulder but.. they sorted that, it’s just sore now"

"Okay and ... the driver, of the truck. What about him?"

"I don't know, they took him to a different hospital. They wouldn't say but from what I could see, he looked in a bad way. Look, I'll talk to you about all this when you get here, alright" he frowns "I mean you are coming out, right?"

"Yeah... yeah of course I am " Clay's chest tightens he feels like he can't breathe " I um.. I'm getting a military transport flight, but... I can't bring Casey with me"

"Yeah well, that's probably for the best. They hardly let me in to see her, right now and only for a few minutes at a time. They not gonna let him in. He's little Clay, he's best to stay where he's taken care of." he sighs, rubbing his side, the pain killers he took are wearing off and he can feel a surge of tiredness consuming his aching muscles "Look, I'll send you the details of where we are. Let me know when you land, and I'll make arrangements for one of my unit to come pick you up"

"No, it's okay I can get there myself"

"Clay come on, don't be stupid. All that that went on before, let it go. Kelsey's what matters right now so make it easier on yourself and take the offer of help"

Clay pauses, biting his lip. He takes a deep breath "Yeah... yeah okay. You're right I'll ... I'll text you when I have the details of the flight, but please... just keep me up to date if anything changes"

"Yeah I will. You have my word. So...I guess I'll see you soon then"

As Clay cuts the call off he drops his head in into his hands. Sonny's watching him as he stands in the doorway holding Casey "So... you speak to him?"

"Yeah!" Clay sighs looking up "He said they're doing tests, Sonny. That's all he knows. The driver of that truck, he better hope to god I don't find him"

"Clay c'mon, calm down alright. Look, why don't you get yourself some stuff together, take a shower and clean yourself up. Then I'll drive ya to the flight."

"Yeah... yeah sure" he rubs at his head as tiredness starts to consume his body "You okay with him ?"

"Yeah ... we're good ain't we champ" he smiles as Casey still head against his shoulder, sleeping

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Clay leans against the cool tiles of the wall in the shower. The warm water running over his naked body. His fingers, like they have the past few weeks, touch at the pink colored body wash bottle in the tray, stroking it.   
  
He smiles as he squeezes some of the liquid into his hand and then he takes a long deep sniff, the aroma, the one that Kelsey often smells of, fills his nostrils. He closes his eyes, rubbing the soapy cream over his body, lathering it up into soft moist bubbles.   
  
He sighs again as he imagines that he's rubbing it on her body. As he takes a breath his eyes still tight shut he can hear the giggle of her laugh that she does when he strokes his hand over her butt. He smiles thinking of the times they've been in the shower, together. The fun and the laughter they had and he wonders if they'll ever do it again.

His head is thinking about the things they've been through from when they first met until now. His head frowns and he starts to sob. Leaning his forehead against the wall he lets the water flow over his head and down his back. He feels numb and the noise of the flowing water drowns out the way he's feeling.

Then there's a loud knocking sound and he's brought rushing back into the room. His senses awoken 

"Hey Clay!! You okay in there? You know we need to be making a move, if you gonna catch this flight anytime soon"   
  
"Um. .. yeah, yeah sure.... just comin'" He turns off the water and taking a towel from the shelf he wraps it around his waist before he opens the door.

"You okay in there?" Sonny frowns, he can see the tired look of despair in his face

"Yeah I'm good. I'll um ... get dressed, and get my gear" 

o-o-o-o-o-o

He takes a deep breath as he picks up the quickly packed holdall. Then standing in doorway he looks at Ash and Audrey, both with sympathetic looks spread across their faces. Audrey's rocking Casey in her arms and Clay smiles "You gonna be okay with him?" he frowns questioning they both nod "You sure?"

"Yes" Audrey smiles "Clay, just go. We will be fine, and we will take very good care of him. Trust me, he's going to be fine. I promise. We have everything we need right here."

"Okay then..." he sighs swallowing apprehensively

"You got your passport?" Jason checks as Clay nods at him "Alright well you take care. Let us know how things are as soon as you get there. Clay... it's gonna be fine, alright. Just go do what you gotta do. We'll make sure everything's alright here"

"Thanks" he hugs Jason tight patting against his back "I mean it guys, thanks. " His lip quivers and his body starts to shake "Okay... I best go"

He looks over at Sonny and then before they leave he gives Casey one more lingering kiss on his head "I'm gonna bring your Mommy home, I promise. I'm gonna make sure she comes back to us."  
  
As the others listen to him talk to the baby they struggle, each of them gagging against their own emotions, watching him leave his little boy.

"Clay.. " Audrey smiles soothing his fears "It will be fine. Now, just go"

"Thanks, and I'm sorry. This is not really the way you should start a new job. I was so looking forward to you meeting Kelsey, I know she would have liked you so much"

"And there will be plenty of time. I will meet her soon" she smiles "Go, because I have to change this little one. He has a smelly _panal_, I mean um....diaper" she laughs

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Clay sighs loudly, rubbing his head. The automatic doors open as he arrives at the hospital and looking around he re-checks the details on the text that Alex sent .

Still unsure he asks at the reception desk in the main foyer and then takes the elevator to the third floor. As the doors open and he walks the corridor towards to the intensive care unit he can feel his body start to shake nervously.

He's so tired hardly having slept on transport plane. Basic was the only words he would use to describe it but, it got him here and he's grateful. 

At the nurse's station he's about to ask after Kelsey but before he can open his mouth he looks up to exchange looks with the large guy standing in the corridor, his arm in a sling, his knee strapped up. Alex!"

"Clay!" they exchange enforced acknowledgements with each other "You made good time." he sighs loudly, both can feel the awkward tension between them and neither of them sure how to act "Um..." Alex hesitates "..we can't go in for a minute" he nods towards the closed door in front of them "the err... the consultant, he's with her, they're running some more tests."


	38. Truce

Clay sighs loudly, slumping down in one of the hospital corridor chairs. He rubs his head and frowns as Alex watches over him. 

"You look tired"

Clay looks up, he stares a simmering anger is bubbling under the surface of his skin and he feels like the only way he can control it is to say nothing. So he just sits silent and nods.

"Did, Harry pick you up okay? I know what he can be like for time keeping." Alex smiles as he tries again to engage him in conversation. Still Clay ignore him and doesn't reply "You um... you got someone where to stay, while you're here I mean?"

Clay sighs loudly, he's annoyed by this constant questioning but this time, reluctantly, he answers "I'll be fine right here. I'm not going anywhere"

"Oh Clay, come on, you can't just stay here. You’re going to need to put your head down at some point. Look, even if she's okay ... what I mean is .. whatever happens, she's gonna be in here for quite a while. You can't just stay in the corridor"

"Um... what part of, _I'll be okay right here,_ don't you understand?" Clay stands up from his seat staring him in the face "Do you understand anything I say? Do you actually take any notice. Like when I said stay away from her!"

"Clay... nothing was going on with us, no matter what you might think. Kelsey made it perfectly clear to me, herself. That nothing was going to happen."

"And when did she do that? _Exactly_ when? Was that in the car, in the bed or after you slept with her. When? When did she tell you to back off"

"Clay, c'mon ... you know that didn't happen. Look, if you must know, the last time she came back to see her commander. I spoke to her then. She was clearing her things from her flat. I went to see her and... well she made it perfectly clear that she was with you. That's where she wanted to be, and I respected that."

"Jesus!! She saw you. She told me .. she told me she wouldn’t see you again!" he sighs loudly grinding his teeth so that he doesn't lash out._ Fuck!_

"Clay look, it was my fault, I just turned up. I wanted to see if she was alright and put things right from before. I promise you, she couldn't have made it clearer. I either sucked it up or we couldn't be friends. I can't lose her forever so... you win. "

"What you tried it on? Oh yeah I bet you did. You did didn't you?" he shoves Alex in the chest making him grimace with pain from his ribs 

"Yeah...yeah maybe I did. But then like I said, she made clear that it was a no go!" He takes a breath as he sits down in one of the seats on the opposite side of the corridor. They hardly look at each other as Clay also sits himself back down.

Alex lets out a long sigh "Look, they're.... they're letting me go home later today. They can't do anything with my knee yet, some of the swelling needs to go down first. So, why don't I bring the keys to Kelsey.... my flat, back with me. I haven't cleared it out yet and most of the furniture is still as it was. You can use it for as long as you're here. Sleep, shower whatever, it's only a thirty-minute drive and it only ten minutes from my house, if you need anything"

"And... I told you... I will be fine here!"

"God, you know you're so stubborn. Clay, take the offer and do yourself a favour, you look like shit as it is. The hospital are not going to let you stay here. "

"Yeah, well a spin up and two flights in two-days will do that to ya!"

"Yeah it will so ... take the keys and get your head down for a few hours. Oh ... look, I'll bring them back then and it's up to you"

"What? No, you don't need to come back here. She doesn't need you now. You did the damage already. Now you need to stay away. You caused this"

"I did the damage? I caused this?! What the hell! What, you're saying this is my fault?" what he's saying is nonsensical and Alex can’t help but laugh at his absurdity.

"Yeah damn right I'm blaming you. If you hadn't picked her up, she'd have gotten the train and this....this wouldn't have happened"

"Oh my god!" Alex laughs out loud "Fuck you Clay!! That's your logic?" he frowns "Nothing that she was in such a hurry to get home, that she ..." he takes a deep breath wondering why he's getting into this argument with him "Clay _this_ it was an accident, just an accident. Oh but no but you just want to blame me." he sighs , shaking his head and taking himself out of it "Fine! ... Fine, I'll take it, you're upset I get it. But if you think I'm staying away from here, then you can think again!"

"I told you, we don't need you here"

"Yeah well I need to be here. So, I'm sorry, but you're stuck with me, whether you like it or not."

Clay takes a deep breath, ready to say something in return but just before the words come out the door to the room opens and flanked by a nurse, the doctor comes out. She looks down at her clipboard "Alex... Alex Jones?" he frowns looking at the two of them.

"Um yeah.. " Alex pushes himself up, grimacing with the pain in his knee "... that's me."

"Uh... you 're with Kelsey Roberts, is that right?"

"err..." he now hesitates as he awkwardly look over at Clay "kind of, I mean, I was in the accident with her, I'm her friend. But this, he um... he's her partner. He's just flown in from the states"

"Yeah... Clay Spenser" Clay leaps from his seat "We live together, in the US. We also have a baby, thought he's still there. Someones taking care of him " Clay's panicked and waffling as he speaks 

"Okay well ... I'm just going by the form I have. Alex, he's registered as emergency contact, is that not correct?"

"Yeah I err..." Alex's eyes dart over towards Clay. He rubs his head, he's so tired and he sighs " I filled in the forms, when we arrived. I didn't know when Clay was going to be able to get back. We're both military and it's ... it’s difficult"

"Oh, okay. So, it's fine to talk with both of you?"

"Yeah." Alex nods, he looks up looking for permission.

Clay's thinking over the request, wondering about shutting Alex out but then too tired to even try and argue he agrees. "Yeah sure, it's fine by me!"

"Okay, well there's not much change in her condition, but she is responding to some of the tests. So, we're taking that as a cautious, positive sign. We're gonna leave her on the ventilator, for the time being. It's more precautionary, to let her body rest and recover. Obviously we'll keep monitoring the situation, but we've decided against the surgery, on her leg, for now. See how she improves in the next couple of days. Thankfully the fracture on her pelvis doesn’t seem to be as bad as we feared. Do you um... do you have any more questions for me before I go?"

"No.." Alex shakes his head " but thanks"

Clay takes a moment, he frowns looking up from where he's sitting "Tell me, is she gonna be alright, I mean is she gonna recover?"

"I..I can't answer that right now. Like I said, the tests are positive and we're doing all we can. We just need to give it a few days"

"But how long's she gonna be here, I mean we have a baby she..."

"Clay, I know you're worried, but really, I have no idea at this time. I'm sorry"

"Oh god!!" he gasps taking a breath, rubbing his hand over his tired face. He closes his eyes taking a moment to clear his mind trying hard not to cry in front of the doctor, or Alex.

"Clay, just sit. Take a minute" Alex frowns watching him, he turns looking at the doctor "He's been on operations for a couple of days. He's tired, he'll be fine. Thanks for the update. Can we see her now?"

"I understand, it's a hard time for everyone " The doctor smiles and looks at the nurse "I don't see why not, but just for few minutes. Oh, and please, patients like this, they can still hear you so ... just try and stay positive when you talk. I'll check back later. Any questions speak to the nurse. Other than that, I think you both should get some rest when you can."

"Thanks. We will" 

Clay and Alex exchange glances and Alex gestures for Clay to enter the room first. As he passes through the doorway he takes a sudden and deep gasp of breath. 

Kelsey's laid out in the bed, covered only by a thin white sheet _Jesus!! _He's shocked by the tubes coming out from her body. Monitors flashing and bleeping. While she lays there, eyes tight shut. She looks just like she's sleeping and Clay half hopes she'll suddenly wake up.

_Fuck!! _A sudden surge of adrenaline makes him feel faint his legs wobble from the rush of fear pumping around his body making his heartbeat faster. _Kelsey! _

"You okay?" Alex frowns as he comes around the other side of the bed, using the guard rail to steady himself. Seeing her is not the same shock as it is for Clay. He's seen it many times as a medic and he saw her earlier when they first brought her in, when she looked so much worse. "Certainly hits you, right?"

"_God!!_ You know I didn't think it would be this bad" he gasps again feeling like someone punched him hard in the gut. He stands at her bed side and his eyes slowly work their way over her body. Taking a long look at all the things going on with her. Her arm in plaster, her face so bruised, all the sounds, tubes and wires. "Oh shit!" he gently strokes her cheek as he looks up at Alex "Is she gonna make it? She looks awful."

"Clay... Clay listen to me. You just have to be positive alright. They're doing everything they possibly can"

"But look at her...just look at her! She's so... bruised and broken. Oh god this .." he rubs his head, taking a breath he can't take it in, and he turns away. Walking back to the doorway, stepping into the corridor for a second just to get some air. _Pheww!_ He suddenly feels nauseous

"Clay! Clay come talk to her. Tell her you're here"

"Talk to her? What?.." he laughs "You really think she can hear me, when she's like this? Did you look at her Alex?"

"I am ...Clay, it's still Kelsey. So just talk to her. You need to pull yourself together. You need to be strong for her now. Stop this pity party. It's not all about you alright. We need to keep it together right now"

Clay's angry at first. _How dare he speak to me like that, tell me what to do! _But then as the words sink in he nods. Standing back at the bed side he puts his head down, gently taking her fingers in his hand, stroking his thumb over her skin. She's so warm to the touch and actually looks really peacefully laying there asleep. Then sighing loudly, he kisses her forehead.

"Kelsey, I'm here! Please...please just wake up. We need you" he sniffs as tears fill his eyes and the one’s escaping trickle slowly down his cheek "Oh god! How the hell did this happen!?" 

He takes a breath calming himself "Um... Casey's missing you. He's been a little monkey lately; he loves his swimming, you really need to see him in the water. You need to hear him laugh, he's so funny now. Oh um.... wait.. wait I um.. I recorded him. Stay there .." He closes his eyes to the stupidity of that statement as he takes his phone from his pocket "You'll laugh, when you hear him"

Clay finds one of the many video clips he has on his cell phone the one he took recently when Casey was in his crib, Clay tickling him and the baby giggles he makes. He places the phone beside her ear and hits play. The video bursts to life and even Alex smiles as the room fills with the happy sounds of the baby laughing.

"Did you hear him?" he smiles playing it again "He sounds like you when you laugh. Kelsey... please, please wake up. We can't be without you"

"Clay..." Alex takes a breath, he too is welling up with emotions as he watches Clay, the video and his own pains and tiredness. He smiles, moving to stand beside her head, gently brushing her hair back. "You know, this was quite an extreme way to get us two talking" he smiles, as tears roll down his cheek "We're gonna be here for you, okay? Both of us. We'll wait as long as it takes for you to wake up. But you need to get yourself better and soon Lieutenant because that baby needs you." Alex sniffs "and I need my best friend back"

He looks up, to find Clay staring at him nodding a silent truce between them. Their hatred put to one side for her "Yeah he's right. We're both gonna be here. We're gonna get you through this and we're gonna get you home, to your baby."

They both turn as the door clicks, it opens and the nurse from earlier stands in the doorway "I’m sorry gentlemen, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave now. We need to clean her up and change some medications"

"No, please can I stay a while longer. I only just got here and ..." Clay begs "I've only just..." 

He stops speaking as the nurse places her hand calmly on his arm "Why don't you go and get some coffee, something to eat. Come back this afternoon. Then you can stay a little longer, but I really am going to have to ask you to leave now."

"Oh god" Clay reluctantly nods "I'm not going anywhere, I ll wait outside in the corridor"

The nurse takes a breath, she looks over at Alex, all he can do is smile at her "Clay.... come on, we'll share a taxi. I'll get the keys and show you the flat, you can shower, get a couple of hours sleep and then we'll come back this afternoon, like she says"

"But I wanna be here, in case anything happens. I can't leave"

"Clay...we're only half an hour away, they've got our contacts and they'll call us. The doctor said she was doing fine, right? So please, come on. Clay you get some sleep for a few hours otherwise you’re going to be no use to her later"

"Okay..." Looking up at both of them Clay finally relents, even though he doesn't want to. "Alright, but I'm not gonna be gone long" he kisses Kelsey's cheek "I won't leave you I promise" He looks up at the nurse "You will call me if anything happens, right?"

"We'll call you straight away, but she's going to be fine for now. So just do as your _friend_ says and go take a break"

Clay nods, he hesitates. It hurts to leave her. The pain in his chest aching "Okay lets go. But just a shower and then I'll come back"

Alex smiles and nods "Yeah sure"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Alex unlocks the door to his flat and ushers Clay inside. Balancing on the crutch he’s using he hobbles, following behind him. The look on his face is grimacing with the pain in his knee. 

Clay frowns watching him “You okay?”

“Um... yeah! Yeah, I’m good. Just the painkillers are wearing off now. I'll take some more later.” He smiles as the peace between them continues and he lays the keys down on the table “I’ll leave those there for you. You can come and go as you please. There's a couple of takeaway menus in the kitchen, if you wanna order a pizza. I think you’ll find we don't have quite a much choice as you do in the US” he smiles

Clay nods. “Thanks. I think I may take a shower first. I still stink from that transport plane”

“Yeah err… there might a few of Kelsey's toiletries in there still. I think some soap and that, that she didn’t take. I could get you some stuff from home later, if you wanted me to?”

“Yeah thanks… that would be good, I did bring a few things but.. in the rush you know” 

Clay sighs looking around. It’s a large apartment and decorated in a very neutral but modern way. There certainly plenty of room “Feels odd, you know, being here where she used to live, before me I mean. Her old life I guess”

“Yeah um... certainly feels odd coming here without her being here. I lived here for a while, before I got married then um.. my grandmother she died. Left me her house. It’s a much bigger place so moved in there, kept this and let Kelsey have it. I just haven’t bothered moving her stuff out yet. Probably a good job really, given the circumstances”

“It’s a really nice place” Clay wanders around looking down the hallway that leads to the bedrooms and bathroom.

“Please, feel free to take a look around. The um… the nursery, it’s still set up in there” he smiles gesturing to the end of the hall.

Clay opens the door and takes a deep breath. The sight of the beautifully decorated nursery shocks him “Oh god!” he gasps “This is lovely. I mean she made this so nice”

“Yeah" Alex smiles as he remembers back to decorating it "Did she tell you that she changed the colour three times? Oh, don’t ask. Second time I said I wasn’t going to do but …then she started it herself, so I kinda had to. Couldn’t let a seven months pregnant woman paint but you know her…” he laughs “She wanted it changed and so it had to be changed”

Clay’s head drops and he sighs “This is what she deserved. Casey deserved this but I couldn't give her it” he touches the crib “I wish I … I should have made things better for her.. I should have…”

“Hey .. stop that. You will make things better for her. All this...it's just stuff. Clay you know Kelsey doesn’t care about a nursery; she didn’t care what you could give her. Sure, she probably didn’t wanna give birth in a bar toilet … “ he laughs “But why do you think she got on that plane when she did. She did it because no matter how much she told herself she didn’t, how she tried to put you out of her head. She couldn’t. I was stupid, I thought I could fill that gap.Convinced myself all this and me could replace what she felt for you, but... the minute I was away she was gone.”  
  
He sighs watching as Clay strokes his hand along the side of the crib “She loves you Clay. That's unfortunate for me but I gotta get used to it. I had my chance and I screwed up. Clay, just make sure you don’t. Be there for her”

“Yeah… I will. I never gonna hurt her” Clay looks around staring at him. He smiles “I guess we’re both lucky right? To have her in our lives. Look, I know what I’ve said about you and no...I’m still pissed about what you did, and this doesn’t' mean I like you. But…I do know you mean a lot to Kelsey, so um... I guess we could try to get on, for her sake?”

_Mmmm hmm!_ “Yeah that would be good. I don't wanna fight with you. I think she’s gonna need both of us right now. So… truce?” Alex puts his hand out and after a moment’s hesitation Clay puts his out and they shake.

“Well like I said, I don't think we're gonna be best buddies or anything, and Sonny might take some workin’ on, but I guess we can let the past lie”.

“Yeah… “Alex nods “yeah sound good to me. Look you take a shower; I’ll order us some pizza. Then you can get your head down for a while before we head back to the hospital”

“Yeah…” Clay picks up the small Teddy bear from the crib “I um… might just check in back home first. See how Casey is”

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Clay sniffs opening his eyes rubbing the sleep from his face. Alex places a plastic cup filled with brown liquid beside him.   
  
“I thought you were going back to the flat? Did you spend another night here in that chair?” he frowns concerned by Clay’s appearance.

_Mmmm!_ “Yeah I didn’t wanna leave her, just in case she wakes up”

“Clay.. you’ve been here like this most of the week. You need to go home and get some proper sleep. She’s not going to wake up until they take her off some of this medication”

“I’m fine! Seriously Alex, I’m good” He’s stretches his arms upwards as he gets up from the chair, he’s beard and hair's a scruffy mess and he’s still wearing the same clothes from yesterday “How did you get on with your X-ray?”

“Yeah…I’m just gonna need to rest it. They said it’s got a lot of fluid retention and they might need to drain it” He frowns pulling a face “It’s still really painful, but at least my shoulder’s starting to feel better, makes the crutches easier to use” he smiles “Look, why don't I take over and you go back get your head down, and _shower_! Kelsey’s not gonna want you near her soon, when you smell like that.” he laughs at Clay’s scruffy appearance

“No!” Clay snaps, the tiredness from sleeping in a chair for a week is starting to take its toll on his temper “I said, I’m good” he sighs realizing that he’s got an attitude and he needs to calm down “I may just go get some fresh air, take a stroll outside. Get a better coffee somewhere” He laughs

“Clay, you really…. you need…”

“Alex stop alright!" He cuts off the conversation "I told you, I’m staying right here. So, don’t say another word about me leaving”

“Okay, okay. I understand. I do.” He sips from the coffee and frowns at the disgusting lukewarm taste in his mouth “So, did they say how she’s doing?”

“No change!” Clay rubs his face “That’s all they keep saying. _No change yet_. They keep coming and doing things but... _no change_. They’re not telling me anything. Just wait and see, but how long are we going to have to _wait and see_, Alex? I mean how long can she stay like this?”

“I don’t know. Look, they know what they’re doing. It will be for the best. We just have to wait. Oh um... yeah, I meant to say, her commander, he’s possibly going to come down and see her at some point later today. See if there’s anything they can do for her. Anything you need” he shrugs frowning as Clay looks at him questioning “Yeah, I don't know what they can do either but … it’s the Navy and I guess they just wanna show they’re thinking of her.”

“Yeah right” Clay sighs loudly as he stands up. He stretches again and as he does he turns looking at the door which now opens. Two doctors walk in together. Clay looks up at Alex. He’s concerned.

The first doctor, the one that’s been dealing with Kelsey most of the week, she smiles apprehensively at the pair of them “Clay.. Alex” she knows them on first name terms now, well both of them have virtually been camped in the room everyday “ I’m um... gonna have to ask you to wait outside please”

“What? Why?” Clay frowns apprehensively concerned “Hold on, what’s going on? Why do you want us to wait outside? ... tell me what’s happened”

“Just calm down alright. Myself and Dr Kinelly, the head injury consultant I told you about, we’ve been discussing Kelsey’s case this morning and we’ve decided we’re going to remove the ventilator. We want to give her a chance, to see if she can breathe on her own.”

“Wait…. what you think she can? You think she’s going to be alright?”

“Woah! Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We just need to assess where she's at. She’s been here a week and there's been no deterioration. So, we um.. we think it’s time to take a next step in her treatment. So, please if you could just wait outside we'll try and make it as quick as possible”

The nurse holds the door open. 

Alex frowns he has a serious and apprehensive look on his face. He looks up at the doctors “Come on Clay, we'll wait in the corridor”

“No what… “ Clay gets an anxious feeling, like someone’s not telling him something “Why do we have to wait outside; we can wait here we won’t get in the way. We can handle it.”

“No, I’m sorry please, it’s for the best.We’ll let you know as soon as we have more information”

Alex pushes Clay on the back, guiding him out into the corridor “Just do as they say."

“What’s going on Alex? Why do they all have concerned looks. Something's not right with this"

“Clay calm down alright, it’s not a pleasant thing to watch while they remove the tubes and that. Trust me it’s better for us out here. Just let them do their jobs”

“Okay.. alright... so, is this good?” Clay frowns even more anxious now “Taking her off that. That’s a good thing? Alex that’s a good thing, right?”

“Yeah.... maybe!”

“Yeah, maybe? What the fuck does that mean? Is it good or not? Come on Alex you’re a medic tell me, it that good? That doctor, she said she hadn’t deteriorated. So…”

“No, she hasn’t deteriorated but …but she didn't say she'd improved either”

“Okay so ... so what? What does that mean!? Alex, tell me. Tell me it’s a good thing they’re doing. If not we have to stop them, right now”

“No Clay! No, we need to let them do their jobs. If she breaths, on her own. Then it's good thing”

“Okay…and if she doesn't?” Clay frowns watching as Alex nervously bites his lip, he's silent. "Alex, what if she doesn’t breath?”

“Then they ll put her back on it, and think of something else”

“But .. if she doesn’t, does that mean she won’t pull through?”

“I don’t know… “ Alex closes his eyes and sits down “ Possibly not. Clay let’s not think like that” he wipes his face “I need to get a coffee and I need some air. You want one?”

“No! No, I don’t want a fuckin’ coffee! I just want her to wake up. Oh god!!” Clay starts to cry “C’mon Kelsey. Just breath, please… please breath!”

Alex starts to cry too, and he gets up and walks away. Clay losing it is unbearable to watch especially as he knows what he didn’t tell Clay. That if she can't breathe on her own, then the prospects for recovery, are not good.


	39. Clay, what are you doing?

Clay looks at his watch for a third time then turns around to check as Alex re-joins him. He sighs impatiently pacing up and down the corridor. "What the hell are they doin' in there? It's been thirty-five minutes and they still haven't come out yet"

"It just takes time. They have a lot of checks to do"

"What checks? Surely they just take her off it and see if she breaths. I wish they'd just get on with it"

"Come on Clay, you know it's not that simple. They..." he stops mid-sentence as the door to Kelsey's room opens. The nurse exits and gives them a sympathetic smile. It's a look with no real expression which means that they can't read much about the situation. Then as they stand watching, one of the doctors comes out. He doesn't even acknowledge them and hurries off, disappearing down the corridor.

"What the hell! Where's he going?" Clay frowns, questioning the waiting nurse "What's going on ? How's Kelsey?"

"Please, just wait. The doctor will be with you in just a moment. They'll explain more"

"Wait?! We've been waiting. I wanna know what's going on. Can't you just tell me?"

"Clay... Alex.." The voice inside the room calls " you can come in now" They both take an apprehensive breath, looking nervously at each other and Alex touches Clay's shoulder, gesturing him forward first. As they enter the room the doctor turns and smiles "It's good news. She's breathing, by herself. It was, touch and go there for a moment, but she's improving as we speak"

"Oh my god!" Clay gasps. He can't hide his relief as the heavy weighted emotional cloud lifts from over him. His head spins with dizziness and he smiles. "What, she's... she's gonna be alright?"

"Woah! Slow down. Guys, this is just one small step. She's nowhere near out of the woods yet. Look... " she reassures him as she watches his expression change " I'm sorry I wish I could say she's going to be totally fine but, believe me, this is good news." she smiles " Look, I'll leave you with her for a short while. But just a warning, she's on some heavy pain medication, so even if she does respond she's not going to be very coherent"

She smiles again and then checking the monitors beside her bed, one more time, she prepares to leave. She looks up at the nurse "Can you just keep an eye on that drip, put another one up when it's finished."

Clay sighs, he and Alex smile at each other as they for the first time in days, relax. There's a huge sigh of relief, as they look at her. She looks so much better, with all the tubes now removed from her mouth and only an oxygen nasal line in.

She now looks like Kelsey again and Clay sighs loudly "Do you think she can hear us?"

_Mmmm hmm! _Alex nods pulling the chair up on his side of the bed. _Pheww!_ He sighs. Taking a breath he eases his aching body down into the seat.

"You okay?" Clay frowns he can see the pain etched on Alex's face. He knows he's been struggling with his knee the past couple of days.

"Yeah. Funny thing.... as the swelling goes down the pain increases. But I'm fine. I'm trying to ease off on the pain killers now but .. I think I'll have to take a couple soon. I'll go get some water in a while. I thought I'd got on top of it but...It's more my damn my knee, than my ribs"

"Still looks pretty swollen" Clay frowns, Alex has been wearing shorts with his knee in strapping and he see how bruised it is. He sighs again as he nervously takes Kelsey's hand gently in his. He grips her fingers around hers and then he's taken aback because as he touches her he notices her blink. "Oh my god! _Shit_... Kelsey .. Kelsey can you hear me?"

Alex hearing the sudden panic in his tone, sits forward watching her. Clay frowns staring at her, he gently kisses the back of her hand "Did you see that? I swear... oh my god, she just blinked!"

"Yeah she did" Alex smiles, he gently strokes his fingers along the length of her arm "Hey, there trouble. Are you awake?"

There's a soft low moan and Kelsey's heavy eye lids flutter as she struggles to focus. _Mmmm!_ she gives another low moan from the back of her throat. Gasping they can see she's struggling to swallow

"Hey..."Clay's own words get stuck in his throat as it dries up from his excited relief " you okay? Kelsey?! Oh god, can you hear me?" he looks across at Alex, unsure what to do.

"Um... " Alex frowns, the suddenness of her movement takes him by surprise "her throat, it will be dry from the tubes. Get some water" he points at the jug on the cabinet on Clay's side of the bed.

Pouring some into the glass, he frowns trying to work out how to give it to her. Alex shakes his head he can see his dilemma "No... just damp it on her lips. She won't be able to drink. Just wet it on her lips, a few drops but slowly"

Clay nods, he can feel his heart beating hard in his chest and he gently touches her lip with his wet finger. She flinches to the touch and with some difficulty, her tongue swipes across the wet feeling. Clay smiles and adds a few more drops "Shhh! Take it slow" he smiles as her eyes blink wide open _Mmmm....ahhh mmm!_

She continues to groan loudly and it sounds to them like she's in pain. As a sudden panic engulfs her she tries to make a movement _Ahhh!! _Her face crumples as something really does hurt. She closes her eye, grimacing. 

"Kelsey, stay still" Alex can see what she's trying to do and ignoring his own pain he quickly stands up. He strokes his hand against her head trying to calm her _Shhh!_ "C'mon you need to stay still, don't fight it just relax.... Clay get the nurse!"

"Wh-where..._huh_.... wh..ere .." her voice is husky, struggling with confusion ".. am I?"

"You're okay! You're ... you're in hospital. We're here with you. You're going to be okay. Kelsey.. we're not gonna leave you"

_Mmmm!_ She blinks, trying desperately to focus her eyes. She can't and momentarily they roll back in her head, her body relaxes back into the pillow. Then taking a breath she's able to consciously open them enough to see "Clay!" she sighs. The corners of her lips curl, she's relived to see him "Casey .."

"Hey! Um.. no, no he's not here. I...." Clay frowns, he feels guilty now for not going with his instincts to bring him, even though he knows, practically, it wasn't the right thing to do. He feels terrible that she's not able to see her baby as she wakes.

"I-I...I heard him?! " she gasps.Her breaths are so labored as she tries to force the words out " I.. heard..."

"No…err... that was me. I err... I played you a video of him, laughing" He looks up at Alex, he smiles releasing that she did hear them earlier "You wanna listen, again?" Clay smiles. He takes his cell from his pocket and once again hits play. Placing it carefully against the side of her head he lets her listen to Casey's laughter. She manages a smile as Clay strokes her cheek "Don't worry, you ll see him again soon"

"Casey..." she groans again, and then her eyes close shut tight.

For a moment both guys have a feeling of dread but then they hear her deep, heavy breathing as she drifts back into sleep. Clay looks up checking with Alex "That's gotta be good right?"

"Yeah .." Alex smiles, he also strokes his finger on her cheek ".. yeah that's good" He runs his hand through his hair. His face beams, her waking up is the best news. He rubs his hands over his face relieved at hearing her speak, even just those few words, gives them a glimmer of hope after a long week of waiting.

Clay sits stroking her hand. There's a gurgling sound and he can hear his own stomach growl with hunger. All of his senses suddenly spring back into life. Hunger and tiredness start to nag at his body. He closes his eyes, for a few moments as he and Alex just sit in silence. Both of them staring at her while they all take a chance to rest.

It's getting late when the door opens, and the nurse brings in new medications and a bowl  
"Oh um... I didn't know you guys were still here. Look, I'm going to need to ask you to leave. I have to clean her up and sort her medications. I'm sure she'd be more comfortable without you two staring at her" she smiles "Why don't you go home, get something to eat and some _sleep_ and then come back in the morning"

"Oh, I'm fine .. we had um.. some type of burger thing, from the canteen earlier" Clay smiles at her "I'll just wait"

"No, I'm sorry but it's going to be a long night. We're going to be in and out most of it doing tests and changing dressings. If I were you, I'd go and get some rest while you can"

"Clay c'mon, she's right, we need to go freshen up and I need some pain killers and actually even if you don't , I do need some sleep" Alex sighs loudly " Clay, she's going to be alright tonight. She's heavy on the medication from where they changed the dressing on her leg earlier so she's not even gonna know we've gone."

"I-I ... I'd rather stay. You go if you want"

The nurse smiles at Alex, she can see how tired he is and that he's struggling to hold his patience with Clay "Look..." She places her hand gently on Clay's shoulder "She's going to need you in the coming days, and you need to be at your best. Please go home. Get some rest. I'm going to be taking care of her tonight." She smiles "She will be fine, I promise."

Clay rubs he hands over his head, even if he won't say it, he is tired. He really could do with some sleep and then finally acknowledging his exhaustion he relents "Okay, okay yeah. I guess I need to check in with Audrey, see how Casey is anyway. So, I suppose I could get a couple of hours rest"

"At last!" Alex smiles as he pulls himself up from the chair. He closes his eyes for a moment as he gets a grip on the pain pulsing through his knee and he struggles towards the door.

Clay holds it open for him while he takes one last look at her lying there before they leave. He mouths quietly "I'll be back soon... Kelsey, I love you!"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Clay's laying in the bed. The lights are out and it's dark in the room, apart from a small chink in the curtains that lets a small orange glow of the outside streetlight. The one thing he notices is how quiet it is here.

He sighs loudly turning over again in the bed. He can't sleep and he flicks through various photographs that he has stored on his cell. He smiles at the ones of Casey and Kelsey together, the video of him laughing, which he plays over. Checking the time he hits call.

The phone rings for quite a while before a Spanish accent answers “Hullo?"

"Audrey... hi, it's Clay. I was just checking in, see how things are?"

"Oh Clay, hello. Yes, everything's good here. How are things your end? Is um... Kelsey okay?"

"Yeah.. yeah things are improving. How's Casey?"

"Oh, he's good. He's playing in his cot. You want to see him?"

"Yeah ... yeah I do" _Oh god! _Clay wipes a tear from his cheek "sorry, I ... Yeah it would be good to see him, I'm missin' him so much"

"Okay, I will get him so you can see. Oh ...do your wanna speak to Sonny? He's here too."

"Yeah sure thing, put him on" There's a rustling sound and then the familiar warm sounding Texan drawl as Sonny's face fills up the screen "Hey there poster boy! How's things doin'?"

"Sonny!" Clay sighs, relived. He's just glad to hear a_ normal_ accent "Oh Sonny it's ..."_ Hmmm!_ He sighs again this time longer and louder "They um... they took her off the ventilator today. Don't worry, she doin okay though."

"So, do you know when you're comin' home? This little one's missin' you "

"err No... no, we just gotta take it one day at time. Anyway, what are you doin' there? Everything alright?"

"Oh yeah, everythin's great. Look, I been staying over, just to keep Audrey company and help her out with champ"

"Sonny ..." he hushes his voice "I told ya already, Audrey's off limits. Don't be hittin on the Au Pair, right?" he sighs again "Sonny, you listenin' to me?"

"Oh no .. no, it aint nothin' like that. Its' alright. Anyways, she already made it clear that I'm just not her type" he laughs, his cackling dirty sound rings loudly in Clay's ear "Still all this Texas charm, it might turn out too much to resist and she might come around, right?"

For the first time in he can't remember how long Clay burst out laughing with him "Yeah well, just ... just remember what I said. Don't think about going there, alright?! Sonny I mean it."

"Hey, uou know me. Strictly hands-off type of guy. But don't tell her I'm only, here to keep an eye on my champ, I don' wan' her takin' offense" He grins as Audrey standing the doorway, holding Casey, frowns at him "Oooo! There he is!" Sonny smiles and taking the baby in his arms he holds the phone so that Clay can see him. Taking his small hand in his, he makes Casey wave at the screen "Say hey there Dada...how ya doin'?"

"Hey Casey" Clay smiles, a tear trickles slowly down his cheek "Daddy loves you. You gonna see Mommy real soon" Sonny tickles Casey making him giggle and Clay smiles and laughs "Well, he sounds like he's okay"

"Yeah...yeah he's been alright. He's been a really good boy. Though, like his Uncle Sonny, he's missin' his mommy and daddy." Sonny sighs loudly "So, she gonna be comin home any time soon did they say?"

"No ... no not yet. Still a way to go yet!" Clay's face drops. He frowns trying hard not to get upset and remain positive.

"Yeah well take it slow. Look um...Clay, you gonna need to call Jason soon. He mentioned today that Blackburn's already bending his ear about what your plans are"

_Shit! _Clay rubs his head "Yeah, okay. I will I just need a few days. See how things gonna go. Is Audrey still okay?"

"Yeah... she's doin' great" Sonny looks up and smiles at her "Look, I'll let you go. Just take care and call me soon, alright. Let us know how things are"

"Yeah" Clay sighs "I'll call ya today....tomorrow, oh you know what I mean. As soon as I know something" he smiles blowing a kiss to the screen "Bye Casey. Daddy loves you so much. I'll be home soon, I promise. Audrey, I'll speak to you laters okay. You need anything, money whatever just speak to Sonny"

"We are fine. Clay... " she smiles "Don't worry. We will take care of everything but we look forward to you coming back soon"

"Yeah... well better go, need some sleep. See ya!"

Clay cuts the phone dropping the handset down onto the bed beside him. He sighs, rubbing his hands through his hair. Then instead of getting back to sleep he picks up his tee shirt from the floor and pulls it over his head, putting it on.

Finding the cab number that he saved on his phone earlier "Yeah um... can you get me a cab, to the hospital. It's the Royal. Yeah as soon as you can"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

_Hmmm mmm!_ Kelsey stirs in the bed. She feels sick and aches all over. Her head throbbing as she slowly blinks her eyes open. As her vision starts to clear, she focuses on the high-backed chair in the corner of the room.

She frowns trying to make out the who's sitting there "Clay?" she gasps breathlessly "Clay what are you doing?"

Clay also opens his eyes; again he'd fallen asleep in the chair and he rubs the tiredness from his face. Sitting himself upright he smiles at the soft sound of her voice

"Hey there!" he smiles with a huge grin on his face which conveys how happy he is to hear her "Are you okay?"

_Mmmm!_ She nods, still feeling very confused _Mmmm! _"I think so" she vaguely looks around the room trying to get a focus on something "Where am I?"

"You're um.. you're in the hospital. You had an accident." he frowns moving to stand by her side at the bed "Do you remember anything?"

_Mmmm!_ She shakes her head slowly "Not really. I remember.... No I don't. Clay, I'm hurting" she sighs "No I don't remember, just a loud bang!"

"It's okay, don't worry. Just lay still. You're gonna be fine. I'll um... I'll get a nurse"

_Mmmm!_ "Clay, no don't go! Please, just stay with me"

"Hey," he smiles "Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. I promise I'm right here" He takes her hand in his then leaning forward over her he drops a gentle kiss on her forehead "I'm right here. I promise. How do you feel? Are you alright?"

She tries to lift her arm but it's full of cannulas, drips and tubes. Trying to swallow she points to her neck and throat. "Everything, hurts so much"

"It's okay... it was the tubes, from the breathing machine. You want some water?"

_Mmmm! _She nods "Clay, what happened?"

"You ... you were, in a car accident. You've broken some bones but you're gonna be okay" He pours some water into the glass and then very gently lifts her head and tries to give her small sips.

She gags the sore pain in her throat hurts with a burning sensation. The feel of the cool water is nice. She pulls her head away taking a moment "Where's Casey?"

"Um... he's not here. What I mean is, I didn't bring him with me. I had to get a last-minute flight. It was a military transport plane and so I couldn't bring him. I'm sorry. But he's fine though. Audrey and Sonny are taking good care of him. I checked in earlier. He's good"

"Wait ...What, I'm.. I'm still here. UK? You I mean I didn't get my flight?"

"No! Don't you remember? You ... you were in the car with ...with Alex"

She frowns, pushing her head back into the soft of the pillow as she lays quiet not answering him. He can see the look of concern on her face and he knows the reasons why she won't answer

"It's okay! Kelsey it's gonna be fine, you just don't worry about anything. Everything's good" he sighs, then kisses her again "I'm just so glad you're awake...Oh god, you know I thought I was going to lose you" He smiles watching as she closes her eyes again.

He gently strokes her hair, while watching her slump into a peaceful sleep and then quietly he sits himself back in the chair. Leaning back he smiles and then closes his eyes.

o-o-o-o-o-o

"Clay! Clay are you still here?" Kelsey frowns watching him from the comfort of her bed "Clay, are you awake?"

"Um... yeah" He sighs coming around from the deep sleep he was in.

She smiles watching him "Clay what are you doing still here? You need to go. Go home and get some sleep. You've been in that chair for over a week now and as nice as it is to see you when I wake up, you can't keep doing this!"

He smiles. Yawning as he stretches his body "I don't care how long I sit here. I'm going to be here as long as it takes. I told you that the other day."

"I know but.... " she smiles " while it's nice, you do know I'm not going anywhere. It's been nearly two weeks now, and you need to go shower and sleep in _a bed _so you can rest properly. You really can't keep this up" She looks up as the door opens and she smiles "Oh Alex, good! Maybe you can talk some sense into him. Tell him he needs to go home, and shower!"

"I've already tried to tell him, so don't involve me in your domestic" he laughs "But yeah she's right Clay, you can't keep sitting here and you do need to shower!! Why don't you let me take over and you can go back to the flat, get some proper rest for a few hours"

"Guys I don't need babysitting. I'll be fine, so please... both of you go get some rest. I feel terrible watching you both sit there endlessly while I keep falling asleep"

"No .. no, we're not leaving you alone. We already made a deal that one of us would be here at all times"

She smiles. "Guys, I appreciate this. But I really don't need you to. The doctors have said I'm doing much better now."

"Yeah you do." Clay kisses her head

“Well I guess you’re not going to give up are you?” she laughs, looking around at both of them Alex frowns at her he switches his gaze quietly between her and Clay. He's frowning and knowing he's trying to indicate he wants to speak to her, she takes a breath "Um.. Clay, look why don't you go and get some coffee for us all. Take a walk. I could really drink... well sip, a cup of tea. If you don't mind?"

“Um... yeah sure” Clay frowns looking at Alex who just shrugs "Do you want one?"

“Err... yeah. I'll have a coffee”

_Oooo!_ “I'll have one of those cookie things that you got me yesterday” Kelsey smiles “If you can get one”

He kisses her head again and smiles “Of course, I'll go now. You're right, I'll get some fresh air while I’m there. You gonna be alright?” he checks with Alex

“Yeah I'll stay with her.” As the door closes Alex moves his chair closer to the bed "so... did you talk to him?”

“No...” she sighs “no not yet. I um... I haven't found a chance to be able to bring it up”

“Kelsey, you need to talk to him. You need to tell him.”

“I know but... he's not going to like it is he. We only just got him onside, he’s …”

“Probably not but... you need to bring it up. Look, he's not gonna take it from me so it needs to come from you”

“Yeah, I guess. I was just waiting first to see what comes back from these tests. I didn't feel the point in upsetting the apple cart .. just yet if .." she sighs rubbing her hand on her face.

“Look, tell him. Then we can deal with what he says.” He takes her hand in his “You know this is for the best right ... he's going to have to see that. There isn't a choice."

"I know but... " she sighs again "You know Clay, he's not going to accept that easily. But you're right. I do need to speak to him"


	40. Going home?

The door opens and Clay enters the room.

"So... " he smiles "you want the good or bad news, first?"

"Um..." Kelsey frowns both concerned and confused by his question. Watching as he places one of the paper cups on the cabinet next to her bed "err...bad news first, I guess"

"Well, there was no tea. But I did get you a coffee, and the good news .. ta dah!!" he holds up the packet "They had chocolate cookies"

"Oh, thank you!" She smiles, relieved that cookies is all his news involves. She continues to stare at him, watching as he places one of the other two, cups of coffee in front of Alex. 

He's able to dart a quick glance in her direction as Clay settles himself down in the high backed chair, beside her bed. Sipping from his own hot drink.

"You know what..." Alex stands up, picking up the cup from the table. "I think I'll ... I'll leave you two alone. Give you some time together. I mean, you probably have _things_..." he hesitates giving Kelsey a hard stare " to um... to _talk _over." he coughs, glancing at Clay.

Clay looks up at him. He quickly averts his eyes, so that they don't make eye contact. His expression gives Clay cause for concern and he frowns. Something feels off and there's an air of awkward tension. He hadn't noticed it earlier, but now it's more than obvious.   
  
He turns his head; his expression is questioning of Kelsey but she can't look at him. Dropping her eyes downward so she doesn't have to look at him.

"Okay, what the hell's going on?" Clay's frown deepens with worried concern "Why am I getting the feeling that I'm missing the punch line on a joke between you two?"

"What?" she smiles shaking her head. Reaching out to take Clay's hand in hers "Why would you feel like that? There's nothing going on."

"Look..." Alex frowns, staring directly at her now "...I'll leave you two to talk"

Clay sighs staring first at Alex and then back to Kelsey. The looks they exchange between each other give him more cause for concern. He has a bad feeling churning over in the pit of his stomach. Something about the way Alex is hesitating and hovering in the doorway. His whole demeanor seems on edge.

"No, wait! You.. you just wait, right there. There's something going on here and I've got a feelin it's something to do with you?! So, c'mon let's hear it"

"Clay really, it's nothing. Please just sit down. Alex is right, it would just be nice for some time alone"

"No! No, that's bullshit. What's going on?" his frown deepens as Alex shifts apprehensively from foot to foot in the doorway. "I'm waiting. So, who wants to start?"

"Kelsey ..." Alex sighs looking up at her "just tell him"

"Alex, shut up! Clay, it's nothing. It'll keep, it's not important. Just..." she hesitates, biting her lip nervously ".. really, it's nothing."

Alex shakes his head. He's annoyed by her lack of response to Clay's questioning "Oh, I'm going!"

"No!" Clay steps forward and slams the door shut "You, start talking, right NOW!"

"Clay, it's about..." Alex sighs, his eyes focused on Kelsey sitting up in the bed.

"Alex stop!.... Stop." Kelsey sighs interrupting them "I'll tell him.Clay, sit down, we need to talk to you"

"Okay..." he folds his arms not moving from where he's stood "so talk! _C'mon Kelsey, _I'm waiting!"

"The um..." she sighs, hesitating again before nervously continuing "the doctors, they spoke to me and said that I might ... _might, _be able to get out of here by the weekend._ If _things keep improving. They still have a few tests to run but they're hopeful that things are going in the right direction. I mean, I'll still have to come back for physio and follow up appointments and um... there may be some surgery if my leg doesn't start to heal properly but..."

"Wait! What? They're going to discharge you from here. That's it?" he sighs relieved having built up so many other scenarios in his head "So, what's the problem, why didn't you just tell me that? Why would you be worried about telling me?" He frowns looking at her and then at Alex who still won't make eye contact "Kelsey, what's the problem here? This means you can come home, right?"

"Clay..." she's very hesitant and sighs loudly "they're um...they're not going to let me fly yet and not being funny, I don't have health insurance in the states and it's not like the Navy will cover me there so... well, we can't afford the treatment. I'm going to need to stay here at least for a while longer. So, um..." she takes a breath as she looks at Alex staring at her "so.."

"So, we talked and I said she could stay with me." Alex interrupts her dithering hesitation "Look, I have room at my house. I can turn the dining room into a bedroom, and I have a downstairs shower room. So, it makes sense"

"What?!" Clay frowns. Realizing this is the punchline he turns around glaring at Alex "You want her to come live with _you?! _Oh....oh, now I see. Oh my god!" he gasps "Oh yeah...yeah this is exactly what you wanted, isn't it!" his anger bubbles up under the surface as he turns to face Alex and aggressively steps forward "Well I hate to burst your bubble but..._NO! _No, it's not gonna happen. She's coming home, with me. Casey needs her at home."

"Clay please...." Kelsey tries to reach out to him, worried that things with him and Alex might get out of hand. "Clay, I'm not going to be able to fly, I told you that."

"Fine... alright, well we'll stay here until you are ready to go home."

"Clay c'mon, I don't wanna stay in here. I want... I want to be with you. Clay please listen, it makes perfect sense for me to stay with Alex. He's off work as well right now so he'd be around, to help me"

"I bet he would." he sighs again "No! No, the only person this makes sense for, is him. He gets what he wanted all along. No.. aAnd anyway, if you do this then what about me? Where am I gonna stay?"

"You can stay with Kelsey, at mine. Look Clay, there's room for a double bed and..." he sighs "The offer's there. Now, it's up to you."

"Clay..." Kelsey sighs. She's also very frustrated by his attitude "you're going to have to go back to the States, at some point. You said you already have Jason on your case to give them a date when you'll be back. That command is pushing for your return. Clay, we all know how this works and we know they won't wait forever, for me to get better. And, if nothing else, Casey needs you at home. He needs one of his parents to be with him"

"Casey's fine. Sonny and Audrey are looking after him. He's safe. I'm staying here, with you, until you can come home."

"I know you want that, I do too. But, really Casey needs you more. I need you to go home and be with him, because I can't right now." She sighs "Please! I wish to god I could come with you, be with you both, but I can't. Not yet anyways"

"No, no we're going back together"

She rubs her head, frustrated by his stubbornness "Look, if I move in with Alex and then maybe in a couple of weeks, you can bring him over, to stay with me for a while. After all you'll have deployment to think about soon"

Clay's anger is starting to fester and churn as he looks up at Alex. He still hasn't spoken. Just standing quietly by the door but even just looking at him, right now, it annoys Clay   
  
"Oh Jesus!" he loses it and shoves Alex hard in the chest, pushing him backwards "This...was it your idea? Her moving in with you. Did you suggest it?" he laughs, rubbing his head "Yeah, of course you did. This is your way of wheedling back in, cutting her off from me and you then you'll suggest Casey moves in too? Well let me tell you, _that _is not gonna happen, _ever!_"

"Clay, don't be stupid. You know, I thought we got past this, me and you this rivalry thing. This is not what I want at all. I want her to be able to go home to her baby, but you know as well as I do, what I've suggested, it's for the best"

"No, _understand _this, we had a truce, while she was in here, while all this was going on. It's over! I should have seen this coming. Let me put you straight about some things, she's going nowhere until she comes home with me. I'll find a way to fly her back. I'll speak to Blackburn. He got me a flight here, he'll get us a flight back!"

"Clay... you know that's not gonna happen. She's not US Navy, he has no authority to bring her back to the states"

Clay takes a breath rubbing his head frustrated, Alex is right, and it irks him. "You know what, I need some fresh air" He pulls at the door

"Clay please!! " Kelsey calls out, begging him to stay. "Don't leave. Stay and talk this through."

As he opens the door they all look up. The doctor and a nurse walk into the room.

"Oh..." he frowns "Hi! Am I errm...interrupting something?" he looks at Kelsey he can see she looks upset and the fraught, strained faces on the guys "Is everything okay in here?"

"Why don't you ask them..." Clay frowns "cos they seem to have it all figured out!"

"Clay..." Alex frowns "stop acting like a child. You know this for the best"

"You...you shut your mouth! I'm not discussing this with you. This is _exactly _what you wanted!" He sighs loudly, he can't control his anger and storms out, slamming the door behind him.

"Clay..." Kelsey sighs, her head droops and tears start to well in her eyes. She looks up at Alex. He's now stood beside her bed "I told you. I knew he wouldn't like it"

"Oh, for god sake, he needs to get over himself. He'll have to like it." Alex is just as annoyed, and just as frustrated "Kelsey, what other choice do you have? There is no way you can take care of yourself in that flat, not alone. And we both know he's going to have to go. At some point, they'll order him back."

She frowns looking at the doctor as he checks her chart at the bottom of the bed . "Sorry..." she sighs "Did you have some news, about my scan?"

"Um.. yeah. Yeah, we got the results back. Look it's really none of my business, but is everything alright? Only I couldn't help but overhear"

"Oh you mean Clay? Yeah, yeah he'll be fine. We were just discussing options, for when I get out of here. That's still on the cards, right?"

"Yes, well maybe. There's good news and, well...some not quite so good" he smiles trying to reassure her "try not to worry, I'm gonna talk you through it." he points to the chair beside the bed "May I sit?"

"Yeah sure." she frowns " So, can I still get out of here?"

"We'll see"

"You want me to leave?" Alex frowns

"No! No Alex please stay." she sighs hurt by the fact that Clay left the way he did. Though not surprised, she's still worried how badly he's taken the suggestion of her staying with Alex.

"Well.." the doctor smiles as he open up the file on his lap " the good news is, you're certainly a lot better than you were but... the scan did throw up something. It confirmed what we discussed, there is a possible blood clot. We can treat it though, with medication and an injection. So, as long as you take it slow. Don't rush it and do too much, then I can't see why you couldn't get out of here. Just as long as you have suitable arrangements in place"

The smile drops from her face. They had a very similar discussion about this last night "So, what does that mean?"

" It's like he told you, last night. It means ... " Alex sighs loudly, rubbing his hand over his face "that you won't be able to fly for a good couple of weeks"As he says it he looks up, he can see Clay's back and standing in the doorway listening. 

He sighs questioning the doctor "Is it right, what he just said that she can't fly?"

"Yes, he's correct but to be honest, I wouldn't have signed off on a flight yet anyway. Look, just because we said you might be able to leave the hospital, that doesn't mean you're ready for anything too physically demanding, just yet"

Kelsey takes a deep breath, sniffing as tears fill her eyes and start to roll down her cheeks. She looks up at Clay, her lip quiver and she has a pitiful look on her face "Oh Clay... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry"

"Hey .." he sighs feeling guilty about his earlier behavior "it's okay. It's not your fault. Look, we'll work something out. C'mon." he sits on the side of her bed, and gives her a kiss, taking her hand in his to reassure her "It's alright."

"So, if I organise with my discharge nurse, about you getting out of here for the weekend, will have somewhere to stay? You'll need someone to be with you"

"Um..." she gulps, nervously questioning him "I don't know, I need to sort things out first"

Clay sighs he swallows his pride and looks up at Alex "Yeah! Yeah she does, have some where to stay, well if Alex's offer is still open?"

"Um.. yeah, yeah of course it is. For both of you, for as long as you need" he smiles "you know that"

Kelsey lays quiet with her arm covering her eyes so she can hide her tears. Alex already talked this through with her yesterday, when they discussed the plan he had, but now, the actual reality hits her. "Oh god! she sighs, sobbing into the crook of her arm "This means, I won't get to see Casey. I was supposed to be coming home" 

Clay strokes her cheek. Taking hold of her hand he squeezes it "Hey c'mon, it's not gonna be for long. Then you'll be home, and you can see him. Kelsey please don't cry"

"You do realise this will be for a least two to three weeks? It will depend how things progress" the doctor frowns "Look I do understand how hard this will be for you, given the circumstance and I wish I could say something more positive"

"It's fine." Clay nods "She's on the mend, that's the important thing, right? Hey.." he smiles at her "let's get you out of here first. Your right, I can bring Casey back and he can stay here with you for a while. How about you stay at the flat? I mean, you still have baby stuff there and.. "

"Clay..." Alex sighs interrupting him " don't be stupid. She can't look after herself, let alone a baby as well. They can't be alone in the flat. They can _both _stay at mine, I told you that. You're all welcome. Just accept the offer"

Clay sighs. He hates the idea so much. The idea of his son staying with Alex of him getting his hand on what he wanted all along. A perfect family, his family. "Well, we've got time to sort all that" he frowns.

"So..." the doctor smiles again" so you have somewhere to stay then?"

"Yes" Alex nods "I have a house; I mean, it has a dining room I can convert into a bedroo, and a ground floor shower room that she can use, It will be perfect."

"Yeah" Clay smiles making a sarcastic dig " Yeah this is _perfect _for him!"

"Clay stop it! Please!" Kelsey sighs, still sobbing into the back of her hand "Please, just stop getting at each other. Do you really think this is what I want? Because it's not! I want to come home; I want my baby! I want to see Casey, so much! " she starts to sob louder now. He face a wet tear stained snotty mess "I miss him so much! Oh, I wish to god I'd never gone back to the Navy now; I wish I'd stayed with him. This is all my fault!"

She can feel her chest tighten; she can't stop crying. Loud, deep sobs that make her feel hot and dizzy. The anxiety overwhelming her, and she starts to gasp for breath. The monitor she's attached to starts bleep as her and blood pressure goes up.

"Woah!" the doctor frowns standing up. "Please, you need to calm down" he presses the help button "Kelsey you need to relax. Guy's, really this arguing it's not doing her any good. You need to take it outside... I said outside, _NOW!!_"

Clay and Alex look at each other and then both step out into the empty corridor. 

Alex sighs, pacing back and forward walking off the griping pain in his knee while Clay thumps hard against the wall with his fist. Frustrated he pulls his hands through his hair. _Fuck!!! _

"You know, this is you!" Alex points at him "Why do you have to be such a stubborn arse? You want everything on your terms. The worlds against me! " he sighs loudly, staring as he mocks Clay "For god sake Clay, wake up! This is about Kelsey, about getting her better. Why don't you go home, and sort your son, get your job straight and then thing about bringing her child back to her. Forget all this _bullshit _about me trying to take her off you. She loves you, get that in your head you dumb idiot!"

Clay sighs, grinding his teeth. He's so angry, Alex talking down to him like this even if he is speaking the truth. Clay hates it and once again losing his temper, he shoves Alex against the wall. He's quite prepared to hit him but as he closes his hand into a fist he's stopped by the sound of his cell phone.   
  
_Jason!_ Stepping back, he sighs "I need to take this but... this is not over!"

"Oh yes, yes it is. Clay, she's going to stay at mine and that's all there is to it!"

_Shit! _Alex is annoying him, but the phone keeps buzzing and so stepping away he heads down the corridor to answer it.

As he leaves the door to Kelsey's room opens, the doctor's standing in the doorway "You can come back in now."

"Yeah um... sorry about that. Clay, he's just taking a call, but I'll come" He smiles as he steps into the room "Hey." he sighs. Kelsey looks much more settled, although she looks pale and very tired. Alex smiles. "You okay?"

"We've given her some extra pain relief, so she'll be a little groggy. I'm just going to sort this medication and injection, so we can get the treatment for the blood clot started. Please.. try and keep everything calm in here"

"I... _we_ will, and ... thanks" Alex smiles "I'm really sorry about earlier, he's a little hot headed at times. But there's a lot going on"

"Its fine. I can imagine it's pretty stressful, with the distance issue, work and the baby. Complicated situation. We are going to try and get her home as soon as is possible, but you have to understand that a flight right now, with a blood clot, it's just too risky"

"Oh yeah, yeah I understand perfectly. She's my priority. Don't worry she won't be going anywhere until it's safe to do so." The doctor leaves and Alex smiles as Kelsey opens her eyes. "Hey there. You okay?"

_Mmmm!_ She nods. Her eyes heavy with tiredness from the pain medication.

Alex strokes his hand gently over her forehead, dropping a kiss on her cheek "I'm sorry. I really thought he'd understand. I just thought it made sense, I thought he would too."

"It's okay. It's not your fault. I should have talked it over with him first" she smiles wearily as her eyes closes "Alex....I just need to sleep now"

"Sure. Don't worry. We'll sort this. He'll come around. You just rest"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o.**

"Okay, will you two just be careful! Look... Alex, it's not going to go through here. Alex the table. Mind my leg, Alex you can't just...."

"Kelsey will you _shut _the hell up!" Alex loses his patience and snaps at her "Just stop whinging! I can see the damn thing!" he sighs lifting the small table from its position in the hallway and moving it " Jeez... all you've done since we left the hospital is keep complaining. You know, this is not easy, for any of us. So, just _shut up!_"

She takes a deep breath. Her lip wobbles. She's sat in the wheelchair and turning her head, she looks over her shoulder at Clay. Waiting for him to say something in her defence.   
  
He smiles, gently stroking the back of her neck. "Hey, he doesn't mean it, it's just...well you have complained quite a bit." he feels a little bit guilty for siding with Alex and he gently kisses the top of her head. "Just give him a minute, to sort things out" he sighs. Cocking his eyebrow as he and Alex, exchange a knowing look and wry smile with each other

She sniffs, taking a breath. It feels like they're both against her. "Do you have to be quite so .. abrupt?" She sighs "This is not easy, being stuck in this thing. Not able to do anything for myself" she hastily wipes the tired tear from her cheek.

"I know, and I'm sorry" Alex sighs "Kelsey I mean it, I'm sorry! I'm tired and my knee bloody hurts. But I shouldn't take it out on you" taking hold of her hand he smiles. "C'mon, let's look at this bedroom we made you"

"It's okay I guess we're all tired. I know I am. It feels like its been a long day already but...I am glad to be out of there. Thank you, both of you, for sorting this out"

"Okay, well we made the bed up in here"

Alex moves the hall table further from the doorway as Clay pushes the wheelchair through, what's a tight squeeze of the hallway and into the hastily redecorated bedroom, what was previously Alex's dining room.   
  
They've brought the double bed down from the spare guest room and put a small TV on the table in front of the window. In the corner they have a chest of drawers, on which Alex placed a vase of flowers to welcome her home.

"Oh, this is nice" She smiles acknowledging the effort they've made "Thank you"

She's tired and the thought they put into the room together, for her, makes her feel emotional and she starts to weep again. Something she's done a lot of the past few days as everything starts to get on top of her.   
  
The fact she can't go back to see Casey upsets her no end and every time she thinks about it too much she cries. And then there's the physio they've started her on. It hurts and it wears her out, making her feel even moretired and vulnerable than she has in a very long time.

Alex ignores her tears. His military training takes over and he thinks practically. Taking the side off the wheelchair "Okay then, let's get you out of here and onto the bed. Clay you wanna give me a hand"

Clay nods. He an Alex had a talk; they've come to another truce of their dislike of each other. Clay still doesn't trust his motives, but he knows that there was no other choice and Alex is still unhappy with Clay's attitude. His constant need to keep taking every suggestion as a personal slight against him.   
  
But ...for now, they're both just happy that Kelsey's doing well enough to leave hospital.

"Clay, c'mon help me. I can't lift her by myself, my knee won't hold up enough to support her weight. You'll need to lift her"

"Yeah um... sure" he sighs, snaking his arm around her waist to take the strain and help her up while trying not to hurt in the process.

"_Awww! _ She groans. A pain shoots up into her hip "I can't ... Clay stop! I can't do it." She grimaces at the discomfort. Trying to use her good leg to take her weight as she forces herself up out of the wheelchair.

"Okay you have to trust me alright. I've got you. I'm not gonna let you go so just push yourself up, like the physio showed you."

"I can't, it hurts too much." She sniffs as her emotions overwhelm her _Oh shit! _ "Just leave me in here!"

"No! You can do this!" Clay sighs frustrated with her. They've already had this discussion, at the hospital, earlier "You can do it Kelsey. But, you have to trust me. I promise, I'm not gonna let you go, alright" he kisses her, staring her deep in the eyes, trying to reassure her.

"Oh, Kelsey c'mon you can do this. Stop being so pathetic" Alex frowns, he's becoming less sympathetic. Instead barking orders in a more commanding tone. He knows they have to get tough with her, force her to do somethings for herself "You did it before, so come on, do it again. Clay told you he's going to take your weight. So, just push yourself up. I've got hold of the chair, it won't tip. Now get the hell up!"

She frowns, taking a deep breath. She's annoyed by him bossing her around but using her good right arm, she attempts to push herself into an upright position.

Clay holds her steady until she balances and then he helps lift her around, on to the bed. "You okay?" he smiles

_Mmmm! _She closes her eyes ignoring him. The pain in her hip surges down her leg "Oh god...that really hurt!" she takes a deep breath in, holding it for a few moments while the discomfort wears off.

"At least you got up, that's good! Alex smiles "I'll go get you a couple of those painkillers and some water" He disappears from the room leaving her and Clay alone. It's the first time in weeks they've been in the same room, totally alone.

"You okay?" he smiles sitting himself next to her on the bed. Watching as she looks around her new surroundings "So this has gotta be better than the hospital, right?

_Mmmm! _"Yeah. Yeah, I suppose" she smiles biting her teeth against her lip nervously. Two huge tears rolling down her cheeks "Clay, I don't want you to go!"

"Hey, hey I'm not going anywhere, not yet. I told you, at least not until after the weekend. Let's just see how you go first, get you settled in properly. Then I promise..." he presses his lips against hers, kissing her softly "give me a couple of weeks to sort training and speak to Blackburn about coming off deployment. Then I'm gonna come back, with Casey. It's going to be so good"   
  
He smiles, brushing the loose strands of hair away from her face and tucking them behind her ear "I promise, you're gonna see him really soon and we're all gonna be together again" he drops another kiss onto her lips while brushing his nose against hers. His fingers smoothing gently over the plaster cast on her arm, down to find her fingers, stroking them "You want me to help you get undressed, so you can sleep"

"No.. no, lay with me. Clay, just hold me" she sighs exhausted, laying down on the bed as he gently moves her legs around, so they're fully on the bed. Trying to make her more comfortable

"Ahh!" she cries as she tries to position herself. It's awkward and uncomfortable the fracture in her hip, even though small is painful. Her movement then restricted by the plaster castings on her arm and lower leg.

Clay comes around the far side of the bed, laying himself down next to her and wrapping her into his arms as best he can.

"Clay, what's the time in the states?"

"Um.. I think it's about 4am. Why?"

"I just ..." Kelsey sniffs "I just thought, we might be able to call. See how Casey is?"

"Just give it a couple of hours" he kisses her forehead "Casey's usually awake by six. We'll call then. I don't think Audrey will appreciate it too much if we wake her right now"   
  
He strokes his fingers against her cheek. He can see how tired she is and gives her another more passionate kiss. This time his tongue finding hers as she holds him against her.   
  
Her good right-hand tugging at his curls, pulling him close. They make the most of the precious alone time, Clay's hand sliding around her waist holding her tight against him. But as he does, the door to their new _temporary_ accommodation, opens.   
  
Holding a glass of water, and two small tablets, Alex hesitates, frozen to the spot in the doorway "Oh shit!" he sighs realizing what he just interrupted "I'm sorry, I err.. I guess I should knock from now on."

"It's okay" Clay gestures him in. Both of them feeling slightly embarrassed. This is, after all, Alex's home and they are just guests here. "Um... we were just, well.. just. Look Alex, it's not a problem, honestly. Do you want me to take that?" he indicates at the water and pills.

"Yeah, two painkillers and the tablets that she needs, for blood clot as well." he stands them on the dressing table just inside the door. "Look, I'll leave you to it. I need to go put some ice on my knee and rest it for a bit, anyway"

"Alex..." Kelsey turns over to face him. She can tell how awkward he feels from the uncomfortable tone in his voice. She knows he never enjoyed people being in his private space. "Thank you, for letting us both stay here. And I'm sorry if I was pain in the arse earlier. I know you're only doing the best for me, even if I don't seem to appreciate it"

"It's fine. This is gonna be an adjustment for all of us"

"Yeah!" Clay nods "Yeah well, we do appreciate it and I mean that Alex" 

"Look..." Alex sighs " how about I make some dinner in a while. I think I've still got some beers in the fridge. There anything else you need before I go?"

"You know.. " Kelsey frowns as she looks at Clay " sorry to be a pain but I need a wee!." She smiles awkwardly "And something else, I would really like to wash my hair. It still smells of hospital disinfectant"

"Yeah sure.." Alex nods "Clay, why don't I show you where everything for the shower room, and then you can both do what you want"

Clay nods. Getting up from the bed he follows him out of the door.

Kelsey sighs. She's really tired but pushing herself back into the comfort of the pillows behind her head, she checks the calls and messages on her phone. Skipping randomly through stored photographs of Casey.She smiles.

Then with a small emotional rock stuck in the back of her throat she hovers her finger over the call button on Sonny's name in her contact list. She doesn't get to call him, sighing again as Clay comes back in the room.

He smiles as he looks down at her laid on the bed "This is going to work out alright; you know that. You're gonna heal up and then you're gonna come home, in no time " he sighs "So... you still wanna use the bathroom?" he frowns while he works out the logistics of how he's going to get her there.   
  
She nods as he moves her legs, pulling them around, getting her into a sitting position "C'mon on, I'll wash your hair for you"


	41. Missed you.

  
  
It's been a struggle to get Kelsey into the small confines of the downstairs bathroom and he'd respectfully stood outside while she did the whole _needing to pee_ thing.   
  
Because the room is much too small for the wheelchair Alex prepared it earlier by placing a small padded stool inside so that she would be able to rest when getting washed or dressed. 

Clay now helps her across on to it, allowing her to sit for a moment. "You okay?" he frowns concerned that she seems a little agitated.

"Not really." she sighs accepting what she considers the indignity of having to ask for help with even the most basic of tasks "This is so embarrassing" She frowns, forlornly looking up at him "Sorry, you don't need this. I'm sure it's not what you signed on for when we started dating"

"Hey, don't worry. Kelsey, we're together and that's the only thing that matters to me. We're gonna get through this, you'll see. So.." he smiles "you still wanna wash your hair?"

_Mmmm!_ "I suppose. I mean, if you don't mind helping me. Though it does seems a lot of effort" she holds her bandaged leg in the air " I'm not sure how we're going to do it with this?"

"We'll find a way." he smiles clipping her chin between his thumb and finger "We're Navy, we can't let a bit of hair washing defeat us, right?" He frowns, he can see how downbeat she seems "Look, you sit there. I'll work something out"

He runs his hands over his head while he thinks. He admits, to himself, that he's not sure exactly how they're going to do this without at least one of them getting soaked through but his main concern is keeping the casts on her arm and leg dry. 

Turning the shower tap on he lets the water run from the hose to warm up. "Okay hold on, I have an idea" He grins and then starts to undo the buttons on the front of the light cotton shirt she's wearing. _Mmmm!_ He groans. Quietly smiling to himself, as he realizes she's not wearing any underwear. 

Alex was a little tetchy and hurried at the hospital this morning and in his grumpy rush to get out of there the shirt was the only clothing she could manage to get on over the cast on her arm before they were ready to leave.

Her bright blue eyes watching him, she smiles as his hand brushes gently over the warm soft of her skin. It feels like an eternity since she felt him touch her. Being up close like this, is such a nice feeling and the hairs on her arms bristle with pleasure.

"You're so beautiful. I missed you so much" he leans forward and gently places his mouth against hers and then kisses her.

She can feel her cheeks flush with a slight blush at his compliment. There's a weird awkwardness as he slides the shirt down her arms to take it off, his hand following the fabric along the line of her arm, and then up the side of her body until it settles on the soft roundness of her breast.   
  
"Clay..." She grins watching him, anxiously darting a glance towards the door "we can't. Alex is just through there"

_Mmm!_ "Yeah..." he kisses her again while his hand continues to fondle against her soft mounds of flesh "yeah, he's through there but we're in here" He frowns, concerned by the look on her face and he turns around, pushing the bolt lock into place and locking the door to any outside distractions "That better?"

_Mmmm hmm! _She nods, staring at him.   
  
He now pulls his grey tee up over his head and takes it off and then unbuttoning his jeans, he drops them onto the floor. Now he's stood in front of her wearing, only, a tight white pair of boxer shorts. 

She frowns looking at him confused. "Clay.." she nervously giggles "what the hell are you doing? You do know I'm not going to be able to do_ that, _right?"

"Oh, yeah of course. What do you take me for?" He frowns "Oh this..." he points to his near naked body "this is not for you. No, I had to take them off otherwise they're gonna get wet, when I wash your hair" His smile broadens as he leans forward to kiss her again "Oh wait .." he grins teasingly "did you have other ideas, Ms Roberts?"   
  
Shaking her head, she smiles as he places his hand gently against her cheek and she nuzzles her face against his touch. There's a buzz of electric tension as his skin brushes softly on hers.  
  
It feels great, after such a long time away to feel the shape and strength of his bicep under her fingers while she strokes her hand gently up along his arm. 

He removes his hand from her cheek stroking it delicately in a line down her neck before once again softly cupping her plump breast in his palm.

"Clay... " She smiles teasingly "I thought you were washing my hair?"

"Yeah, I was. Sorry, I ...I got distracted by this" his gaze drops to where his thumb and finger are playfully teasing her nipple and she smiles enjoying the moment of intimacy between them. Both of them have their eyes fixed on each other but eventually it's Clay who breaks the longing gaze "Right, let's do this."   
  
Lifting her up from the stool and supporting her weight against his body he moves her towards the show. She sighs thinking how nice it feels to be held in his arms like this. The warm firmness of his chest is pressed against the soft of her flesh while she nuzzles her head into the gap between his neck and shoulder. His arms wrap supportively around her as he steps backwards into the shower.  
  
She takes the opportunity to enjoy this moment together. Taking a long breath in and filling her nostrils with the scent of his aftershave.

"Okay, you have to trust me now while we do this. I want you to know I've got you and I won't let you go, so don't worry"

She smiles, brushing her lips over his, kissing him. The look on her face tells him she has complete trust in him. 

While he steadies her weight, using his upper body strength to support her he feels behind checking the water temperature and then he steps inside the shower cubicle still holding her tightly. She leans her head back as far back as she can, while he rinses warm water through the length of her hair.  
  
It's not easy and she's at a slightly awkward angle but he's conscious the whole time about not getting the cast on her arm wet. Then he gets the angle just right and it feels so good, the warmth of the water cleaning her hair, while he holds her in his arms  
  
"Oh god..." she sighs "this great! You know, I can't wait until I can shower properly."

"Yeah well, one thing at a time." he kisses her cheek. Then using his fingers her pulls some shampoo through her locks. Gently washing and rinsing the hospital smell out, replacing it with a much more pleasant refreshing soap smell.   
  
She closes her eyes, enjoying how it feels to have him touching her like this. It's been such a long time since they've had alone time together like this. Up close and personal, they're both totally at ease with each other even if it is only for a few moments.

Clay's thoughts are the same as hers. He smiles, also enjoying the fact, that at long last he's physically able to put his hands on the warm nakedness of her skin.   
  
As he rinses the last of the suds from her hair he sighs loudly. Then helping her forward he sits her, once again, on the small stool.   
  
Taking a towel from the shelf he dries the excess water from her hair and then using her one good hand she rakes her fingers through the tangles.   
  
He continues to enjoy touching his hands on her skin. Lightly brushing over the bruising on her back and down her hip before massaging her shoulders gently.

She groans teasingly _Mm-mm!_ "Clay, kiss me!"

He doesn't hesitate to respond, instantly placing his lips against hers. He can't get enough of her taste and she smiles. He feels so good and wrapping her, one good, hand in his hair she tugs at his curls pulling him forward and holding him locked against her.

"Clay...I love you so much!" she gasps as she breaks the comforting hold she has on him. Their eyes lock looking at each other and then as she allows her gaze to explore the rest of his wet naked body, noticing now the large bulge pressing against the front of his shorts _Mmmm!_ she laughs "It's been a while since I've seen that!"

"Yeah.." Hmm! "well I'll just have to cope. It'll be hard, now I have you here like this. You're myy captive!"

"Your captive?" she smiles. "Oh, I like that" she smiles teasing him by stroking her hand gently up his thigh. 

"You know we managed to keep on _top _of things while you were away, so. .. maybe we can use our imagination now you're back?"

_Mmmm!_ "Yeah maybe" she sighs again this time it's more regretful "Clay, I'm sorry. This is not how I wanted things to be when I came back. I .. I had so many plans of what we could do together"

"Hey c'mon, this is not your fault aright. It was an accident. You're alive and that's all that matters to me. Other things can wait, they're not important." he kisses gently against her forehead "Kelsey, things will get better."

She smiles watching him, his hand resting on her arm. She locks her fingers between his and then temptingly she slowly moves his hand until it's back cupped around her breast. 

The teasing grin on her face gives him permission to touch. _Mmmm!_ He groans closing his eyes enjoying the soft feel of her delicate flesh in his hand "I missed this"   
  
Though their inventive late-night video sessions were great for taking care of pent up needs and frustrations, this is a much nicer way of being intimate with each other. The physical feel of her skin turns him on so much and knowing it, she smiles reaching forward to kiss him again

"Look..." he sighs wistfully stopping before he gets carried away in his own wants "I'll get you back in bed then I'll take a shower before we get something to eat"

"No, Clay wait!" she smiles "I want to stay here. While you shower"

"What?" he frowns puzzled "You wanna watch me shower?"

_Mm hmmm!_ She giggles "What, you don't want me to?"

For a moment he hesitates wondering if it would be weird. He feels nervously awkward but if he's honest the idea also turns him on. Being close to her, a quiet moment of gratifying pleasure between them, the only way they can be, considering her injuries and the fact they are in someone else's house, seems a nice idea.  
  
With Alex and the world locked outside it's just the two of them, alone and naked in here. "Okay!" He laughs "Why not"  
  
Then helping her turn around on the stool, so she can lean her back against the door for support, he then, apprehensively, takes his shorts off. In a moment of madness, he laughs loudly, throwing the, now wet, underwear at her.

"Clay!" She shrieks with laughter, which is a really nice thing to hear.

He continues to smile, leaning forward to passionately kiss her. As he does he can no longer hide his physical want for her and Kelsey bites her lip. Then tormenting him she makes the need greater by stroking her hand up his thigh and over his butt.

_Mmmm! _She moans quietly. Closing her eyes she enjoys the touch of her fingers against the firmness of his skin. It's so nice after all this time apart and teasingly she slowly drags her hand over his hard stiffness.

_Oh god! _Clay groans tensing as he continues to touch him "Kelsey don't tease me like this!" he sighs loudly as she firmly but gently wraps her fingers around his hardness.

"What, you don't want?"

"I do want. That's the problem. I want you very much. It's just..." _Hmm!_ he sighs "we can't, not today. Let's just slow things down."

"Really?" she keeps smiling as her hand continues to caress him "You don't want me to do _this_?" She grins, biting her lip seductively as her hand slides forward.

_Oh god!_ He gasps even louder, closing his eyes, fisting his hands in her hair, enjoying the pleasure she's giving him "Oh yeah _I want_!" he nods.

He can't help groaning as testosterone pulses around his body. All the wants and needs that he put to one side now hurriedly race between his legs.

She smiles, very much enjoying watching the effect her gentle loving touch is having on his body. It's not long before she can feel a flexing pulse against her tightly wrapped fingers. It's now so obvious the physical want he has and he's not going to be able to hold off.

_Oh Kelsey!_ He groans, ready to cum. He looks around for a towel, grabbing one from the rail wrapping it around himself _Oh god!!_ His eyes tight shut, his body shudders with satisfaction and then it relaxes. Opening his eyes he smiles as he looks at the wicked grin on her face "You Kelsey Roberts..." he leans forward, kissing her " are so bad!"

"I know!" She laughs in a flirty teasing tone "And you need to remember that!"   
  
She laughs leaning her head back watching as he steps back into the shower and starts washing himself under the warm running water. Her imagination runs wild wondering how long it will be before she's able to wrap herself around him, have his muscular arms hold and touch her. How long before they can make love again.

She's tired now and yawns while he dries himself off "Kelsey, you okay?" he frowns concerned

"Yeah. I-I just feel a little tired"

"Okay, let's get you back to bed then you can sleep for a while" he places his lips on hers and he again kisses her. Suddenly there's a hard knock on the door which catches both of them by surprise. "Hey..." Clay calls out

"Oh sorry, just wondered if are you two are okay in there? You've been a while"

Kelsey stifles a laugh as Clay grins "Um... yeah! Yeah we're fine. It took a lil longer than we thought. We'll be out in a minute" he points at her to stop as she laughs again "Don't!"

"Okay, well I'm making some tea. Do you both want one?"

"Um... I'd love one." Covering her mouth with her hand, to stifle the sound, Kelsey can't help but continue to laugh   
  
"Yeah, yeah that will be great!"

Clay smiles, he wraps the large, navy-blue, toweling robe around her. It's Alex's and much, much too big for her but does the job of covering her, and her plaster bandages, easily. Then taking her weight in his arms he lifts her up and awkwardly they make their way back to the makeshift bedroom.

Settling her back into the bed first, Clay then turns around looking at Alex. He's stood in the doorway holding two mugs of tea "Did you manage to take care of everything?"

"Um ..." Clay frowns a slight embarrassment flushes his face. "yeah! Yeah we did. Was a little awkward in there but... we got there"

Kelsey's face breaks into a huge grin as she grips Clay's hand tightly in hers "Yeah, we took care of things. It feels much better now doesn't it, Clay?" she smiles teasingly while pulling her fingers through her slightly damp hair.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-**

_"_I wish I didn't have to go" he sighs loudly " You _sure_ you're gonna be okay?"

"Yeah!" she smiles trying to reassure him despite her own apprehension "Look Clay, we talked about this. You've been gone nearly four weeks, you need to go back. We both know, the Navy's not going to wait for me to get better. Jason told you they want you back and...well at the end of the day, Casey needs you. I want you to be with him."

_Hmm!_ He sighs still unconvinced that going now is the best thing to be doing. He looks up at Alex as he hovers in the bedroom doorway watching while they say their goodbyes.   
  
"You gonna be able to cope?" he frowns " with looking after her. I mean your knee seems to still be giving you problems."

"We'll be fine. My knee's getting better each day, that's not a problem. Anyway, I'm organising a private nurse for a couple of days a week, just to give us a hand"

"You are?" Kelsey frowns disturbed by this unknown information "You didn't say anything to me about that. Look Alex, I'm sure we'll be fine... I mean I don't think a nurse will be necessary."

"Well I think we're going to need help with somethings, like washing and dressing and more .. intimate things"

"Oh ... yeah, yeah I suppose" she sighs " I hadn't really thought that far" 

"Look..." Alex frowns he's feeling a little out of place, intruding on the two of them " I'll leave you two alone, let you say your goodbyes. Clay, just to let you know, the cab will be here in about fifteen minutes"

"Okay and um... Alex thanks. For this, I mean taking care of her while I go back. You were right, she couldn't have managed in that apartment alone."

Alex nods in acknowledgement knowing how hard it must have been for Clay to thank him like that. Kelsey smiles, feeling good inside, the one good thing in this past two weeks is that Clay and Alex come to an uneasy tolerance of each other.

Clay finishes packing the last few items into his bag before sitting himself on the bed next to her and strokes her face. 

She places her hand, gently, against his cheek and sighs. "I'm going to miss you so much" it's hard to swallow the stony lump of emotion that's lodged in the back of her throat. Hot tears burning around the rim of her eyes which sting like acid as each large one finds its way down her cheek, dripping with a splash from her chin.

"Hey c'mon, please don't cry" Clay frowns his hand wiping her face dry.

"I'm sorry I just.... " she bites hard at her lip, desperately trying not to break into a full sob "I can't wait 'til you bring Casey back. You'll make it as soon as possible, yeah?"

"Yeah. I'm gonna get on it as soon as I get back. Two weeks tops. I've missed him too. I ..I .. " he hesitates his heart hurting and his words won't come out without his voice breaking up. _Shit! _He shakes his head, trying to hold it together "I'm gonna miss you so much. Kelsey, I love you!" he looks up, hearing the loud sound of a beeping horn outside the bedroom window. 

The taxi is early_ Shit! Oh god!_ He sighs "God this is harder than when you left. I really don't wanna leave you like this"

"I know ... I know!" She sniffs, stroking his face with her hand as she gulps back her tears. Her heart aches so much that she feels like it might break in two, the pain unbearable "Give Casey a kiss and cuddle from me, and you'll call, right? Just as soon as you get back."

"Yeah ... yeah you know I will. Every damn day!" he smiles, leaning forward to kiss her again "You'll be fed up with me soon"

"Never..._uh uh! N_ever. You promise me ... every day?"

The horn beeps again and Alex appears at the door "Cabs here!" he sighs watching the both of them

"Yeah thanks" Clay sniffs loudly taking a breath. He looks her in the eyes and wipes the tears from her cheeks "Right then... I best go. Take your tablets and _do_ as Alex says." he smiles

"Yeah..." Alex laughs "like that's ever gonna happen"

She smiles at the both of them her vision clouded by tears "You know I'm gonna be a pain in the arse to live with right?" 

"Yeah I know that, I mean when haven't you been" the room goes quiet for a moment the words feel a little awkward they all know Alex meant nothing by it but still their history together lurks like a ghost in the room. He coughs "It' ll be fine. Clay, just get home to that son of yours, he's what counts right now"

"Yeah um... look, I'll let you know as soon as I do about the flights back" 

Alex takes his bag. "I'll put this in the cab for you. Give you a minute"

As Alex leaves Kelsey can't hold herself together any longer. She starts to sob uncontrollably. "Clay please.... I don't want you to go!" She grabs at his neck forcing another more needy kiss on him. "Please..."

"Hey c'mon.." he takes a deep breath struggling to hold his own tears now " I told you, two weeks and then I'm coming back, with Casey. If I can get away sooner I will, I promise. As soon as I've spoken to Jason and got the okay. We're on that plane back. Please don't get upset like this"

"Okay..." she nods taking a deep breath trying to get herself under control "Okay.. but you'll call as soon as you land, let me know you got there safely"

"Of course, I will. Hey, hey what is it this?" he frowns watching as her hands shake and he can see how anxious she is

"I'm sorry. I'm...I'm just worried. Worried something might happen to you. I mean.."

"Hey, nothing's going to happen alright. What happened to you it was just an accident, a one off. I'm gonna be fine." He smiles again and then gives her one last soft lingering kiss.

_Mmmm!_ She frowns. Sniffing, again her chest tightens with heart break and anxiety "I know, I know but... I- I don't want to be here on my own"

Alex is at back in the doorway "The cab drivers getting testy" he frowns concerned by how agitated he can see Kelsey's getting right now and how she's struggling to let Clay go "Hey anyway... you're not on your own. I'm here!"

"I know but..." she closes her eyes taking a deep breaths through her nose as she tries to calm herself.

Alex takes this as an opportunity to gesture for Clay to leave. "We'll see Clay, and Casey, in a couple of weeks. Clay, you need to go. She'll be fine. I'll stay with her. Just go!"

Clay sighs loudly somewhat annoyed that Alex is the only choice he has to look after her right now. That jealous rivalry is still there, bubbling just below the surface.   
  
"Bye then" he frowns as he hesitates in the doorway. He blows her one last kiss and then disappears out of the door.

As the latch clicks closed and the car engine sound outside the window becomes more distant, Kelsey can't hold her broken emotions any longer.   
  
She breaks down into Alex's arms sobbing so hard against his chest. He strokes his hand down the length of her hair to comfort her. 

Watching her ache like this it hurts him too, even if once, not long ago, he would have given anything for her to be here with him right now, leaving Clay behind. This, now, doesn't feel good. This hurts. Watching his best friend, the woman he loves, so totally heartbroken. 

"Hey.." _Shhh! "_ C'mon, Kelsey please... he'll be back in a couple of weeks and he's going to bring Casey" He smiles. "It's going to be so great to see him. "

Leaning back he has her cradled in his arms. Comforting her against his chest until she can cry no long, there are no more tears and there's nothing left she can do except fall asleep.

**o-o-o- o-o-o-o**

Clay sighs loudly as he turns the key in the apartment door lock.   
  
The flight was long enough without the two hour delay and he feels exhausted and weary now. He had plenty of time to think things over. He and Kelsey texted each other a few times until eventually his tiredness took over and he fell asleep on the plane. 

Checking the time, he realizes its about 4am in the UK and he sighs again deciding that instead of calling her like he promised, he'll text and tell her he's home safely. 

As he opens the door to the apartment it's all quiet inside and the only light in the room is from the TV that's on, the volume down low.   
  
He smiles and frowns "Sonny!" He's sitting upright on the couch, beer in his hand, fast asleep and snoring. Casey at his feet, in his favorite rocker chair, turned facing the TV, but also fast asleep.

Placing his bag quietly on the floor he continues to smile watching the peaceful scene of the sleeping pair. Then Casey opens his eyes and Clay can see him trying to focus as he leans over him. 

"Hey, baby boy." Clay smiles and Casey smiles back. He hushes his tone so not to disturb Sonny "Did you miss me?" Shhh! "Look, Uncle Sonny's asleep" He then lifts the still sleepy baby up out of his chair, holding him tight his chest and he kisses his forehead " I love you so much" He sniffs taking in the sweet aroma of his warm baby scent. "Oh god! You really don't know how much I've missed you" 

He smiles continuing to hold him tight, protecting him with his arms around him. "You know something else? We're gonna get your Mommy home real soon too. She.." he hesitates, welling up with emotion struggling to get his words out ".. she loves you and is missing you very much." he whispers quietly. The side of his cheek resting against his sons.

As he looks up he can see the silhouette of Audrey. She's in the hall doorway wearing only a large tee shirt that she sleeps in.   
  
"Clay.. " she smiles so very pleased to see him " I'm so sorry. I fell asleep. We weren't sure what time you'd be back when you said your flight was delayed"

"Yeah sorry my fault.... I should have called ahead but I just wanted to get back." He sighs. Turning towards the couch he gestures towards his sleeping friend " Sonny alright?"

"Oh yeah!" she laughs "He was determined to stay _awake _until you got back but I think his training exercise today made him over tired"

"Yeah looks that way." Clay smiles pleased that Sonny is here. Pleased to know that he's been looking out for his son while he was away "So, you okay?"

"Oh ... yes, I'm good, thank you. I um.. . I kept you some dinner. I can heat it up if you want?"

"No! No don't worry. It's late and you know what I think I'm gonna just go to bed"

"You want me to take Casey, put him to bed for you?" She steps forward smiling as she watches Clay holding the baby. She places her hand on Casey's sleepy cheek."He's missed his daddy. We've both missed you being around. It's not been the same" she smiles awkwardly "Sonny's missed you too, though he pretend he didn't"

"Yeah well I've missed you all, especially this little one" he kisses Casey's cheek "You know what I think I'll keep him in with me tonight. I'll take the little travel crib then he can sleep next to me"

"Okay! He'll like that" She smiles again, gently touching Clay's arm "I'll get it for you. It' just in the nursery"

"Thanks. While you do I'll just get a drink"

He sighs, stroking his hand gently against Casey's head. As he does his phone vibrates. He's surprised that it's Kelsey already replying to his text asking if he got back okay and why his flight was delayed.

"You know, your Mommy really should be asleep!" He sighs as he types a quick reply to her back  
_Tired .. Speak to you tomorrow. Casey sends hugs. Everything's fine. I love you! XXX_   
  
Exhausted but happy that he has his son in his arms at long last. He carries Casey through to the bedroom. Laying him down on the bed, he then strips out of his tee shirt and pants.

"Oh!" He halts where he is as Audrey brings the travel crib to the door.

"Oh, sorry!" She smiles, blushing as she tries to avert her gaze, realizing that her eyes are drawn to looking at his naked toned chest. She awkwardly looks away and places the crib on the end of the bed "There you go...there are bottles of milk made up in the fridge. Are you sure everything will be alright with him for tonight?"

"Um... yeah. Yeah thanks" He also feels uncomfortable, her standing there and him in his underwear "Well good night!" he sighs "Oh and Audrey... thanks, for everything. Looking after Casey while I've been away. I really do appreciate it" 

"It's find my pleasure. He's a really good boy." she smiles "Good night Clay" she exits the doorway turning back before she does watching as Clay places Casey into the travel crib. "You know Clay... we're glad to have you home again. We all missed you."


	42. Do you know what time it is?

"Mornin' there Goldilocks" Sonny smiles watching as a sleepy looking Clay emerges from the bedroom. 

He's holding Casey in his arms pressed tightly against his chest. "Hey!" He yawns running his hand through his messed-up curls "_Ahhh_ _God!_ You know I forget how it feels getting up in the night to feed him"

"You shoulda woke me when you got back. I could've taken over and looked after him"

"Yeah right. Sonny you were sleepin like a baby yourself. Anyway, I didn't wanna disturb you. Look here hold him, I need to go to the bathroom and wash up."

"Clay..." Audrey smiles, holding the pan by the stove in the kitchen. "you want some bacon with these pancakes, I made?"

"Um...err yeah...yeah that would be great. But hey, you didn't have to cook, I could've just grabbed something when I go out"

"Oh, but you must be hungry? I mean aeroplane food is not so good, right?" she smiles "Besides I enjoy cooking"

"Yeah you can say that again. Airline food sucks!"

"Hey, I tell ya somethin' ya don't wanna miss her pancakes. Clay you struck gold here, this girl sure can cook. I still keep askin' her ta marry me but..." he smiles winking at her. 

She frowns and smacks his hand away as he makes a grab for the pile of pancakes "No! They are for Clay, not you! Hands off!"

"Boy..." Clay sniffs "they sure do look good. I do have to admit, cooking well...it's not one of Kelsey's strong points. But..." he smiles laughing "don't either of you tell her I said that!"

"Well I can cook you whatever you like. I love it! My _abuela_ taught me. It's always nicer when someone appreciates it" she smiles looking up at both Sonny and Clay "Why don't you get washed up and I'll get it ready you can sit at the table"

"Hey, how 'bout me?" Sonny frowns "I'm hungry too and I think um... little champ here needs some milk" he smiles. Casey has his hand tugging at Sonny's beard, holding it tight "Yeah I know, you want some milk?"

"Don't worry Sonny, I made plenty. So, there are some for you"

"Oh, he um... he had a bottle in the night" Clay frowns "But I think he might need changing?"

"Ah!" Sonny frowns "Yeah see that there, diapers, that's Audrey's department"

"Hey..." Audrey frowns, shaking her head "I showed you how to do it!"

"Yeah but... you know I have a delicate stomach. That kinda thing, it makes me go a lil queasy"

"I'll do it!" Clay smiles, shaking his head "Give him here."

"No! Clay... Sonny's right, you pay me to look after him. I'll do it now. Get cleaned up an then you are ready to eat"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

_Mmmm!_ Clay sighs pushing the empty plate across the table "I'm so full!" He smiles "Audrey, that was great. I felt like I hadn't eaten for a day"

"So, how was the Brit food?" Sonny frowns watching him

"_Hmm!_ Yeah, well first two weeks I was mainly living out of the vending machine stuff in the hospital but... well I have to admit Alex, he's a... damn good cook, though don't tell him. He did makes some pretty amazing food"

"Oh, shit man!" Sonny frowns "Is there nothing that guy can't do? I mean c'mon, he's gotta have some damn flaws right? I mean... he can't look like that and be the perfect house husband. You know I bet Kelsey would tell ya he's lousy in the sack, somethin' like that, he gotta be. A man that arrogant..." Sonny's words trail off as he now realizes his error.   
  
He closes his eyes hesitating before he apologizes " Sorry man. Sorry I didn't mean to say it like ... that's not what I meant brother, you know about him in ... look, you know nothin's gonna happen with them, right? I mean, if that's what you're worryin'" Sonny sighs he can tell the hole he's digging himself is just getting bigger.

"Yeah, I know what you mean" Clay sighs taking a breath "Well I hope not. But .. well you're right. He does seem damn perfect. You know I'd just love to know one thing, just one, that he wasn't good at. Something he _really_ sucks at " he smiles "Man, I wouldn't let him forget whatever that was"

"Hey c'mon, forget about him. So, how long before she can come home?"

"Oh, I don't know Sonny ..." he sighs frustrated ".. weeks, I guess. They need this blood clot to clear, then maybe she can think about flying home. But how long her leg's gonna take to mend. That will depend on physio. Good news is they don't think she's gonna need another op." he takes a breath "Oh Sonny...I just want her to come home. Be here with us, with Casey and not there with him!"

"Hey c'mon, don't think about it. She's not there _with_ him, he's just there. Clay, it's you she loves... forget him"

"Yeah but... I don't know. He's there, everyday helping her right. We're stuck here thousands of miles away... that doesn't help anything"

"Yeah, but you're here for her son. Your son! Clay, c'mon don't do this to yourself. Just think about her comin home"

"Hey, what's going on?" Audrey frowns she can see the look on Clay's face. She's washed and changed Casey and hands him over.

"Oh nothing..." Clay sighs, his head fills with pangs of insecurity "I just don't like ... well leaving Kelsey and Alex, alone together. They have a history and.."

"But why are you worrying?" she frowns looking him in the face. She's concerned by his expression "What does he offer that you don't? Tell me!" she smiles "Clay, she is a very lucky woman, to have you. You are fabulous father. Why would she want someone else?"

"She won't!" Sonny interrupts trying to steer the conversation away from Alex. He knows deep down how Clay feels about him and despite his words he can tell he still has concerns "Clay you know was well as I do, she don't want him. He already told ya she made it clear, that weren't happenin"

"Yeah but... oh, I don't know" he lets out a long-tired sigh "Guess I'm just worrying about nothing. Just what if he makes a move now I'm gone? I mean he's got it just how he wanted it"

"He won't!... Clay, he won't! You told me she marked his card where that was concerned. And anyway, Audrey's right, what the hell can he offer her?"

"You have a picture?" Audrey frowns intrigued "Let me see. See why you are worrying"

"A picture of Alex? Um... no, no I don't have a picture"

"Yeah sure you do. The ones at the barbecue, when you first had Casey. Remember we took some group ones."

"Oh um... yeah!" He takes his phone and flicks through the camera roll "There... there that's him, the one with the dark hair" Clay points to him in some of the mixed photos

"Oh!!" Audrey gasps. She looks up and smiles unsure what to say "Oh...um... look, I'm sure you have nothing to worry. I mean, yeah um... he.." she smiles blushing ".. sorry, but I have to admit .. he is a very good-looking guy."   
  
She frowns and looks at Sonny as Clay snatches the phone back, putting it in his pocket "Oh I didn't mean to ... I mean, Clay so are you." she laughs awkwardly "She is not going to pick him. You are the father of her child and from what I know, she loves you very, very much. No woman would risk what she has with you, for that!"

_Hmmm!_ He smiles "Yeah well... thanks. I appreciate what you're saying but..." he sighs again "I just want her home"

"So..." Sonny quickly changed the subject "..what we doin on our last night off for a while?"

"Oh, I hadn't really thought. I might take Casey out for the day. And um...I need to go speak to Jason. Sound him out about going back to Kelsey"

"You're leaving again, already?" Audrey frowns. She's slightly dismayed that he's considering it so soon after only returning last night. 

"Oh no, don't worry it won't be for a couple of weeks. But I do need to take Casey to see his Mom. I promised her I'd be back. She's missing him so much and it's hard for her, being away for so long"

"_Hmm!_ Yes, it must be. I .. I can't understand how anyone can leave a small baby for so long, it would just break my heart" she looks up, and can see Clay frowning the look on Clay's face makes her feel awkward "Oh sorry. I- I didn't mean anything by it, just..."

"Yeah well it is hard for her. It was hard for her to go back. She doesn't need this. You know people don't realize, she acts tough but...well she' s not. This has knocked her. That's why I need to take him to see her, and soon"

"_Hmm!_" Sonny frowns "Yeah well good luck with that, cos I don't think Jace is gonna like it. I mean, he's already spittin' 'bout you missin' deployment and we got this trainin' thing coming up, so I know you wantin' to go back, it's not gonna sit well"

"Yeah well... I need to. So, he's gonna have to wear it"

Raising his eyebrows in concern, Sonny looks up at Audrey. He stuffs the last piece of pancake in his mouth and wipes his hands "You know what... I think I'm gonna get off. I guess you got stuff to do"

"Yeah. I'm gonna take him out, spend the day with him before I get back to work tomorrow"

"Oh..." Audrey smiles interrupting him "I was going to take him swimming today. I could give it a miss or... well, you could come with us? I'm sure he'd like that. Sonny came the other day. It was great fun. He so loves the water"

"Sonny went swimming?!" Clay frowns laughing.

"Well err... I didn't actually go in. I just went along... for the fun of it. I carried the travel seat" he smiles.

As he and Clay laugh there's a buzz of Clay's cell phone "Oh, it's Kelsey. I need to take this. Excuse me" 

"Yeah I'll call ya laters. We'll go for some beers tonight yeah?"

"Um... yeah. I'll catch up with you"

"I'll clear up. Then get his things together" Audrey smiles watching as Sonny leaves.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**

"Hey babe. How're you today?"

"Hey there" Kelsey smiles touching the screen on her phone "I'm good. How are you ? You look tired. Are you alright?"

"Yeah...yeah, I'm good. This little one had me up in the night. But we're fine. Hey, look Casey...it's Momm....._Mummy!_" he corrects himself smiling at her.

"Hey Casey .." she takes a deep breath; already emotional she sniffs back her welling tears "Mummy's missing you, but I'm gonna see you soon." She smiles watching as Casey reaches out towards the screen on the phone "So, did you speak to Jason, about getting a flight back?"

"Um.. no. Not yet. It's still early here. I will later. Did you sleep okay? I didn't think you'd answer my text last night as it was so late over there"

"Yeah, a little. It's hard, I keep getting a pain in my hip.It keeps me awake a lot of the time"

"But you have physio today, right? From the schedule they made you. So, you need to tell them, about the pain, see what they can do."

"Um... yeah but... well I might give it a miss today. It hurts so much I don't think I can go"

"Hey, you need to do the physio, it's the only way it's going to get better. Kelsey you must go. Please, don't start skipping it"

"Yeah, you're right" she smiles changing the subject "So... what're you doing today?"

"Oh, we were going to go swimming" he looks up. Audrey comes into the room. 

She's searching the basket of clean laundry on the chair by the door. Seeing him watching her she smile "Sorry... I just look for his swimming diaper. I think it may have got mixed in with your underwear" 

"Who's that?" Kelsey frowns hearing the voice in the room

"Oh, it's Audrey. She's getting Casey swimming things. Look, I'll call you later and I'll send you a picture from swimming. You know Audrey says he loved it when she took him the other day"

_Mmmm hmm!_ "Okay!" She swallows the tearful emotion in her throat. Wiping away the single tear rolling down her cheek.

"Hey Kelsey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing..." she sighs loudly "I'm fine" she's not and caught up in her emotions it takes her a moment to get her words out "Oh I don't know. I guess I'm just missing you both. Clay, I wanna come home so much."

"Hey, soon. Soon, I promise" he sighs wishing desperately that he could comfort her "Kelsey please don't cry. It's just gonna take a little time." He frowns watching as she looks away from the screen, getting herself together "Look we um...we need to go, but I'll call you, later?"

"Yeah! Clay..." she sighs again "promise, that you'll call?"

"Yeah, you know I will. I love you" he smiles blowing her a kiss. Taking Casey's tiny hand in his own he waves it at the screen "Say bye Mummy! We love you!"

Hurriedly he cuts off the call. Holding Casey tightly against his chest, he takes a long sniff inwards. All he can smell is the gorgeous baby smell of his son. _Hmmm! _He bites hard against his lip. His emotions running riot in his head "C'mon you, let's go swimming. We'll call Mommy later!"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Clay smiles as hits send and texting the pictures of Casey in his swimming diaper over to Kelsey. Then putting his cell phone away, he picks up Casey into his arms and cradles him. The baby's bare skin pressed warmly against his own as he carries him through to the small warm swimming pool.

As Clay slowly sinks into the water, Casey still securely in his arms. He smiles, lovingly, watching the grin growing on his son's face as Clay splashes the water against him "You like that?"

Casey kicks his legs and smiles, and Clay kisses his cheek. The warm water lapping around htem as them as Clay continues to splash the surface with his hand. 

They're in the small, warmer, pool just off to the main busier pool. The have the whole thing to their selves and as Clay looks up he feels awkward looking at the lean, tanned woman in a black bikini walking towards them. Her long dark hair is tied in a tight, high ponytail. He gasps as he realizes who it is

_"Audrey!_"

He frowns. He never realized she had such a voluptuous figure.Not until he now sees it poured tightly into the small black bikini she's wearing . _Holy hell!! _He sighs. _It's no wonder Sonny wanted to come!_

He grins looking at Casey and then the realizing he's thinking thoughts that he shouldn't be considering he takes a deep breath. Again, focusing on his baby boy, watching him bouncing up and down, enjoying the freedom the water gives him . Allowing him to splash freely. Listening happily to the chorus of baby giggles that accompany each sploshing movement in the water.

"Hey" she smiles holding up a yellow, circular, inflatable "You forget this!" 

Her Spanish accent sounds stronger today. It's probably just because he's not heard it for a few weeks and so he notices the heavier tweaks to some of her words. He smiles, her soft soothing tone is quiet soothing to listen to.

"What's that ?" He frowns

"He sits in it" she smiles "and then he can kick his legs, without you holding him"

"Oh, okay" He smiles holding it as she takes Casey from his arms and places him inside. Clay is hesitant for a moment. Reluctant to let go from the safety of his tight grip. Apprehensive that the float wont take his weight. But t does, perfectly and Clay smiles as Casey's small hand makes a grab tightly onto his beard as his legs and arms kick out, in tandem.

Clay laughs watching him and as he looks up Audrey is now standing in the water. 

Her body wet and she drags her fingers through her hair, brushing it away from her face revealing her huge beaming grin as she watches the two of them playing in the pool 

"He likes that, _si_?" 

"He seems to, yes" he sighs watching as she now moves Casey around in the water "Audrey, I .. well I just wanted to say..._ Gracias. Por todo lo que has hecho por nosotros_"

She smiles, listening to Clay's Spanish. Though not perfect and sounding funny in his American accent she is impressed to hear him thank her for her help, in it "You're welcome. You know I will help you whenever I can"

"Well.. _gracias!_ It's appreciated, all that you've done over these past few weeks" He watches her smiling at him. His eyes unconcioulsy drop to her huge breasts covered only by small triangle of barely there fabric. He quickly and awakardly looks away "So... you um... you think he's gonna make a good frogman?"

"Oh, yes most definitely" she smiles again "He has to, he takes after his _Abuelo_" she laughs teasingly. 

"His _Grandfather_?! " Clay laughs "Seriously?! What the hell are you trying to say there? That I'm not a good frogman" 

She can't help but continue to laugh. Her tease about Ash being a better SEAL getting to him almost immediatley. She places her hand against his arm, steadying herself in the water.   
  
Casey responds to their laughter with giggles of his own. Clay smiles, wistfully lost in his thoughts he pauses a moment. Thinking how much he sounds like Kelsey. There's a sudden pang in his heart as he realizess just how much he's missing her.

He checks the time on his watch. Forty minutes have passed since they got in the pool. He and Audrey have been lost deep in conversation. Clay opening up about his fears regarding Alex and Audrey telling him about her family. How her mother hates the fact that she left home to work in the US. 

As he checks his watch a second time he sighs. "You think we should get outta here? I don't want him to get cold."

"Strong frogman genes..." she laughs " he will be able to live in the water. But no you're right.. he's had long enough. He is getting tired now."

"Yeah well .. we'll see about being a frogman. For now, little man, we need to get you something to eat." He lifts him gently out of the float and into his arms, holding him tight. Out of the water he now starts to cry "Yeah, yeah I know, we'll come again" Clay kisses his cheek. 

**o-o-o-o-o**

Dried and dressed they meet with Audrey in the reception of the club. She smiles watching as Clay chats away to his son. 

"Would you like to get a coffee? There's a café, across the street. Sonny and I went there the other day."

"You know he's really keen on you?" Clay smiles "Sonny, I mean he's a good guy.. I mean if you ... well you know."

"Oh, um... he's err... well not my type. I mean I like him, a lot. But as a friend. He is your friend and he loves Casey, that is good. He would make a great god father, when you have him baptized"

"Baptized... oh um... I hadn't really thought about that. I mean with Kelsey's accident it's not something we talked about. But yeah, I guess, at some point we will" he smiles looking down at Casey "Be good to celebrate, but not 'til your Mummy gets back"

Audrey laughs loudly causing Clay to frown "What?" 

"You ...your pronunciation. You know, Casey will be talking a funny mix of American, English and Spanish. He will be a language expert like his Daddy"

"Yeah, he's sure gonna have a weird accent for sure" he too laughs as they joke around. 

He now notices the time on the clock behind the reception and silently he thinks for a moment "Errm... look, do you mind if I skip the coffee and you take him home? Only I need to go see Jason, before tomorrow. I wanna speak to him one on one about getting this flight next week"

"Oh um... yeah...sure! Would you like me to make something special for dinner tonight?"

"Oh, I don't know, happy for you to choose. I don't mind." He sighs as the sound of his phone again vibrating "Sorry, I need to take this. It's Kelsey, I missed a couple of calls earlier"

"Okay!" Audrey frowns as he hands Casey to her, kissing him quickly on the head as he does. She sighs loudly watching as he walks away to take the incoming call "Come on Casey. We'll go for a walk home"   
  
Seeing her still staring at him, he waves goodbye to the two of them. Hesitating for a moment she finally pushes the buggy out of the door.

"Hey there babe!" he smiles at he talks "So you okay?" 

"Yeah... yeah, I just ... I just wanted to talk to you. It's boring, you know, just laying here on my own"

"Yeah I'm sure it is. So, where's Alex today?"

"Oh, he err... he had a hospital appointment, a scan on his knee"

"And you didn't go with him? But I thought you had a physio appointment too?"

"Uh .. yeah. I uh... well I didn't go. I just didn't feel up to it, I'm really tired today"

"Okay! Should I be concerned" he frowns 

"No, I'm fine really. I'll um ....Ill go tomorrow. " She smiles 

"Well um... Casey's just gone home with Audrey. And I ... I need to go. I'm gonna go see Jason, ask him about coming back, to the UK, in a couple of weeks. Can I call you laters?"

"Okay, yeah sure. Clay... I ..I just wanted to say, .." she sighs " I miss you"

"Yeah I miss you too. We both do." He smiles trying to reassure her, but all he can hear is her sniffing at the tears, trying to force them back into her throat " Kelsey I... well, I love you!"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

** One week later **

Continuing to groan loudly he takes a deep breath then hits accept on the screen of his cell phone. "Hey!!" he pauses taking a moment to wake up himself up "Kelsey... do you realize what the time it is here?"

"Um... yeah sorry. I err.. I just ... well I just needed to you know you were okay, after the spin up. I was laid here, worrying and..."

"Why are you worrying?" he sighs still rubbing the sleep from his face " I called you when I got back and I told you I was fine."

"What about Casey, I mean is he okay? Clay, can I see him?"

"Kelsey it's..." _hmm! _He sighs rubbing this hand across his tired eyes "he's sleeping. I don't wanna disturb him again. Look, you can't keep doing this. Every night this week ...I'm sorry but you really need to check the time before you call"

"I know, I just ..." She bites her lip, her eyes well with tears as she hitches her breath in her throat the surge of emotions catching her off guard. "I just need see him. Please .. five minutes, we won't wake him. Clay, please!"

"Kelsey.." he closes his eyes taking a breath it must be the tiredness, but he shakes his head and refuses "No! No I'm not gonna wake him. He's in his bedroom sleeping and I don't wanna wake Audrey either. She was tired earlier. Casey's been really grumpy today. She thinks he might be teething" 

_Oh damn it! _He sighs, hearing her start to sob, again, on the other end of the phone "Audrey said you called her while I was away? Kelsey c'mon don't!" He closes his eyes and then he puts his legs over the side of the bed, feet on the floor and gives in to her but getting up "Okay.... okay, _five minutes_ that's all, cos I really need to sleep"  
  
"Thank you. And Clay, I promise I'll wait for _you_ to call _me _tomorrow. I'll be able to rest once I've seen him. And the reason I called Audrey, was because I wasn't getting any reply from you.

"Okay!" he sighs, trudging wearily to the other room. Then turning the camera on so he's able to hear the upbeat sound of her voice.

_Oh, jeez_ he groans to himself as he holds the phone over the sleeping baby "You see him?"

_Mmmm hmm!_ she smiles quietly watching " Hey baby!" she calls in a hushed whisper "Casey ... Mummy loves you!"

Clay smiles. He stance softens as he loses some of his annoyance and he melts hearing her call her sons name.

"Will you give him a kiss from me?"

"I will tomorrow. I'm not gonna wake him ..." _  
_

_Oh shit! _Clay sighs. _ Too late! _He watches as Casey's eyes open and he starts to cry very loudly "Okay, okay!... Shush! _Shhh!_ Casey..." he sighs taking a deep breath in "look Kelsey I'm gonna have to go now. I have to sort him out"He leans over the crib stroking his hand gently against Casey's cheek trying to comfort him. 

As he looks up he catches the outline of Audrey in the doorway, from the corner of his eye. "You want me to take over?" she frowns as he doesn't immediately answer "Clay, are you okay? Do you want me to sort him?" she smiles touching her hand gently on his shoulder blade "You go back to bed!"

"Sorry!" he lowers his voice and whispers "I was miles away. Yeah um... take over, I just have to finish up here" 

She can see him holding his hand to cover the phone and she nods to acknowledge him 

_"Kelsey?_ " She mouths

"Clay?!" Kelsey's now gone quiet watching things unfold that side of the conversation. As the screen goes dark from his hand, she grows concerned. She can hear shuffling and a woman's voice. "Clay, what's going on? Is everything okay?"

"Um.. yeah. Sorry. Casey's crying, it woke Audrey. We're trying to settle him. She's going to sort him some milk. Look, I have to go"

"Oh, okay! Clay ... I'm sorry. Look I'll call you later?!"

"Kelsey.." he sighs running his hand through his hair. Though he's tired he's now wide awake ".. I have a training thing on this morning, so I may not be contactable for most of the day. It''s best if I call you, when I'm done"

"Clay.... did you speak with Jason? I mean, about coming back next week?"

"Yeah um...look, it's gonna take a little longer, maybe just a few days. We have a few things on and ... he needs me here, just for a while but really, I'm trying to sort it"

"Clay, you promised. You said you'd bring him. Clay...don't leave me like this!"

"Look... he's really pissed about me missing deployment and he wants me to try and get there. Well, for some of it. So, I don't wanna rock the boat too much"

"Clay..."

"Look I know...I'll call you. I love you! But just give me some time" his tiredness is starting to make him annoyed and short tempered " Seriously, can we talk about this when I've had some sleep. I'm tired. I just got back from a spin up and it's three thirty am! So, it's not really the time to explain everything"

"Clay please... you promised. I can't do this if I don't see him"

"I know.... I know. I'll do something alright, even if it's only a couple of days. I will try and get out there to you. I promise." he sighs "I'll sort something but Kelsey I have to go now, I need some sleep"

The call ends abruptly and Kelsey stares at the blank screen. "I.. I love you, Clay!" She sighs. A large tear rolls down her check dripping onto the glass and she wipes it with her thumb as she now notices Alex stood watching her from the bedroom doorway.

"Hey, what's wrong? You okay?"

She looks up, biting her lip, and shaking her head "No!" she sniffs "um...Clay, he ...he can't come back, to see me, yet!" She can't get her words out, her chest aches as she cries "Alex, he's not gonna come. I'm not gonna see my baby!"

"Hey... " he steps to sit beside her on the bed "since when. What did he say? I thought he had this in hand?"

"No!" she shrugs "He um...he said Jason won't...there's some training thing. I don't know, I-I just want to hold Casey"

"I know.. I know" he wraps his arms around her "It's okay.., look, just calm down. I'm sure he'll sort something" he looks at the time on his watch "You do know what time it is out there? It's the middle of the night, just give him some time. I'm sure he'll arrange something"

"Yeah..." she grips at his back with her one good arm "I know, but... I can't just sit here and wait"

"Give him time, alright. We both know .. we'll it's the Navy and so, it's not gonna be simple." He takes a deep breath holding her, stroking his hand down her back for comfort. Looking her deep in the eyes "Come on, smile. What you need is to get dressed. You have physio this morning. I'll get a taxi booked"

"Um....Alex, you know I'm gonna give it a miss, today. Physio I mean. I don't feel up to it"

"No, no you're not! Kelsey you put it off yesterday and you said you would go with me today. You promised!" he frowns staring at her "I even changed my appointment to fit with yours, so get dressed"

" No, I don't want to. Alex, I don' t feel well. I need to rest I.... look I'll go tomorrow. I swear" she tips her head to one side and smiles.

"No!" he snaps back in reply "No this has to stop! You _NEED _to go to physio, or you are not gonna get better. Kelsey, you can't keep putting it off." He sighs again, now standing up he paces to the window. 

He looks at the toast he made, still sitting on the tray untouched "You're not even eating properly. You didn't have dinner last night, now you haven't even eaten this one piece of toast." He turns to face her. "Kelsey this can't continue. You're not sleeping or eating and now you don't want to do physio. You think Clay's gonna wanna come back if he knows you're not putting the effort in?"

He takes a deep breath pushing his floppy fringe away from his eyes, rubbing his neck. Annoyed and frustrated by her, he's fresh out of ideas for encouragement. "You know Clay's running his arse off to look after your son and keep things going back there. Trying to get you home and you're just sitting here, not putting any effort in"

"That's not fair!" she frowns, knowing he's telling the truth. She can't face him and takes a deep breath while still staring at her phone. As she does she smiles. 

Clay sends a picture of Casey sleeping and the words _We love you! Sorry xxx_. 

She takes a deep breath and looks up at Alex. Her face is etched with a pitiful look and she frowns as he takes her phone from her hand and lays it on the chest of drawers across from the bed. Then he sits down and pulls her close, holding her.

Still stroking her back, she starts to cry as he holds her. Her head's pressed tightly against his chest as he brushes her hair away from her face with his hand "C'mon, please go to physio. I want you to get better"

She sniffs as she closes her eyes listening to his heart beating loudly in her ear. She opens them again and can see him watching her, while he continues to gently stroke his face and then in a lonely state of wanton emotion she affectionately reaches forward to kiss him.

"NO!!!" he hurriedly pushes her back "Don't!! Don't you dare!! Now, get dressed" _Fuck! _He steps away, rubbing his face as he sighs loudly. Then he turns back to look at her, watching as she sobs into her hand "Kelsey...I'm sorry but this is not what you want. You're not sleeping and you're not thinking straight. You need to get out of that bed, get dressed and go to physio. It's the _only _way you're going to get better. The sooner you do then the sooner you get back to your son"

_Mmmm hmmm!_ She nods as she continues to sob "I know... I'm sorry. I just ... I just need someone to hold me."

"Yeah well, it's not me. That's not happening, and you know why. Kelsey you're with Clay. We...." He takes a breath it's hard to refuse her some comfort when she's so upset but he knows if he waivers, even a little, then he may not be able to hold himself back and things could so very easily escalate out of hand.

"I know.." she takes a breath. Pulling herself together she nods watching him as he continues to stare at her "I know, you're right. I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry I shouldn't I just...I want my baby so much!"

"Oh, I know ... I know you do, baby girl! And I wish I could get you there" Alex sighs, his hardened exterior soften and he wraps her again in his arms. _Shhh! _"C'mon look, I'll make you some soup before we go to the hospital. You need to eat something"

"No!" she shakes her head still refusing to go to the physio "I really don't wanna go today!"

"Well that's _tough!_" He stands up "_G__et dressed__! _That's an order!" he shouts angrily as she pushes all of his emotional buttons now with her constant refusal and pathetic whine.

She takes a breath, shocked by his sudden aggressive tone "Hey, you don't get to tell me what to do! You're not in charge of me. You don't know how I feel do you?"

"Kelsey I'm not messing with you. _Get .. DRESSED!_" he sighs "I mean it, or we're going to fall out if you don't!"

"_Fuck you Alex!_ " she screams , her temper rising as she fights back "You can't tell me what to do" 

"Alight fine! Fine, you have it your way!" he storms out leaving her alone. Standing outside the room he leans against the wall in the hallway, taking a breath getting his temper under control. As he listens through the door he can hear her breathlessly sobbing. 

Her phone vibrates and she relents for a moment to check it. Wiping the tears from her face with her hands _Shit! _She swallows back the new tears and she realizes her phone is out of reach on the dresser across from the bed where Alex laid it. She stretches her hand out but unable to move properly, she can't get it_  
_

_Oh fuck!!_ She watches as it rings off _"Alex!!!"_ she calls out unsure where he actually went "Alex... my phone!" she frowns grasping out in front of her but it's a stretch too far for her arm and she's suffering with the pain in her hip as he reaches out "

"ALEX!!! Alex where are you?" She falls silent. Listing trying to hear him "Alex?!" _Oh shit! _She gulps nervously. The house is quiet and she wonders if he left for the hospital without her.

He hasn't.

Instead he's purposely stood absolutely still, silently waiting in the hallway outside her room. It pains him to hear her call out, while he ignores her, but he's hoping it will have a purpose.

"Alex!!! _Alex,_ I can't get my phone." She listens again " Please... " she sighs. Her voice drops to a murmur "I think Clay's calling me!" _  
_

_Shit! _She gasps,as the sobs come intermittently and she considers that Alex may have indeed left. She takes a deep breath as she forces herself to sit upright in the bed. Groaning loudly as she swings her legs around and over the side of the bed, so they dangle freely down the side of the mattress. The weight of the cast makes her leg ache and she takes another, deeper, breath while using her one good hand to force herself up on to her feet. 

_Oh fuck! _A pain shoots into her hip and she quickly sits down. Holding back her tears she wipes her nose on her hand. "Oh please..." she desperately reaches out for the vibrating phone. Thinking she's been left totally alone, she bubbles with anger. Hurt that Alex abandoned her like this with no help or reassurance. "Well _fuck you _Alex!" she screams

Then taking a long and determined breath inwards she in one swift movement stands up. _  
_

_Ahhh! Oh god!! _She holds herself steady while keeping her balance. It's hard. Normally she's had Alex or Clay, or even Kara from physio, to hold her up, now she's on her own.

Up and moving, she takes tiny shuffles across the floor using the bed for support. Following along the line of the mattress until her fingers can slide the phone from the dresser. 

There's a thud and it falls on to the floor. Her legs buckle, she can do nothing but catch herself from falling by sitting on the side of the bed. _Oh fuck it! _She cries, frustratedly staring at the phone laid under the dresser. Then through her teary eyes she hears the sound of the door creak open and Alex is back watching her form the doorway "What the bloody hell are you looking at?!" she grimaces in pain.

"See..." he smiles buoyed by the fact that she made the attempt " I knew you could do it.... Now get dressed. I booked the cab!"

She laughs to herself, watching him as he smiles. She actually feels good that she was able to get herself up on her feet. She can also tell from the look on his face, that he did this on purpose, in order to force her out of the bed.

She starts to cry again but now he relents, taking her back in his arms he holds her "Kelsey, it's gonna get easier. You need to just take it one step at a time. And I'm sure clay will sort something about bringing Casey back. Trust him. He won't let you down."

_Mmmm hmm!_ She nods "Yeah I know... it's just, I worry about something happening, while I'm not there" she smiles "Now, will you find me a tee shirt, I guess I need to get dressed"


	43. We shouldn't

_Shit!_ Clay sighs, checking the incoming call on his cell phone. 

Slumping down onto the stool that's just inside his cage doorway, he feels shattered. The day's been long, tough and arduous, add in the fact that he's been woken every night this week by Kelsey calling at all hours, and it certainly doesn't help with the exhaustion.

He ignores it. Another conversation, with Kelsey, is something he can certainly do without right now. The call adds to the stack of notifications already listed on his phone. 

_Oh hell!_ Rubbing his hand over his face as he counts the calls. Frowning, concerned and wondering exactly what he should do. _Fuck!_ He sighs, knowing what she'll ask if he takes the call and the truth is, he doesn't have an answer for her right now.

The outer door to the storage room opens and then slams shut with a bang. The noise catches his attention making him look up. 

It's Jason, he's first out of the shower and Clay stares, watching him pull the clean grey tee shirt over his head, rolling it down torso, putting it on. 

Swallowing nervously he checks the screen on his cell as it rings, yet, again. _God damnit!_ He groans still refusing the call. Not knowing what he'd even say when she asks_, when are you coming back with Casey? _

The reason he hesitates about talking to her, is in part because he hasn't spoken with Jason. Yesterday, despite his intentions, he backed off from it right at the last moment. Pulling up at the front of his house, sitting and staring at his door for what felt like an eternity, then deciding he couldn't face another yelling match and driving away. 

Now again, as he watches from the other side of the room, it's like he's almost having to dare himself to speak up. _Fuck!_ He sighs again swearing under his breath. 

Undoing his uniform vest, he drops it on to the floor. Then as nervously he looks up he can see it's Jason that's now staring at him. There's a huge vibe in the room, like a cloud, as Clay builds this up into something it probably shouldn't be.

Jason can also feel the bubbling tension in the air between them "You okay there?" he frowns, Clay nodding in reply.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." He smiles awkwardly as his eyes drop to his lap where his phone vibrates again.

"You not gonna get that?" Jason furrows his brow, apprehensive about why Clay's ignoring his phone.

"Um.. no! No, it's .. it's Kelsey, .. again!" he laughs nervously _Oh for god sake Clay get a grip, just ask him!_

"She okay? I mean, she gettin' any better?"

"Um yeah ... yeah, she's fine, well... not fine, but gettin' there"

"That's good. That mean she'll be home soon, right? And the kid... everything's fine with him?"

"With Casey? um.. yeah, yeah he's great too well except err... Audrey, the au pair, she...she thinks he might be teething, a little'"

"Oh man! Wow, that sucks. That can be hell from what I remember. But ... he's settled right, into a routine now, you got the whole childcare thing sorted?"

"Yeah, yeah Audrey's been great, a god send really. Not sure I could have carried on doing this job without her"

_Umm hmm! _Jason nods watching and studying Clay's apprehensive body language "So, what's the problem then?"

"Problem?" Clay looks up, thinking over Jason's leading question. This now seems like his chance to ask about the time off. Still it weighs heavy and he hesitates, apprehensively rubbing his head "No.. no problem" he smiles. Closing his eyes, he wills himself to speak up "Actually Jason...I do need to ask you somethin. What I mean is, I do have a bit of a problem."

"Yeah, I thought you might" He turns facing towards Clay's direction. Folding his arms he leans himself, resting against the metal door of his cage "So let's hear it then"

"I um...well... I need... I need to take Casey to the UK, to ... you know ... to see his Mom, Kelsey. She wants...well needs,to see him, She's missin' him like crazy"

"And that's a problem for you, why?"

"Why?" he frowns unsure what's not clear about his ask "Because ... because like I need some time off to be able to take him"

"You need time off?! Right. But didn't you just have time off already, and don't I remember you tellin' me you needed even more _time off _to miss deployment." The expression on Jason's face changes from one of exchanging simple pleasantries so one of concerned annoyance " So how much _time off, _exactly, do you need there Clay? I mean, would you like to do any work for this team, or you just want me to give you a free pass for the rest of the year?"

"What! No .. no, I don't want a _free pass_, I just need a week or so... just take my son to see his mom, you know the one who had an accident!"

"Yeah I think we all know what happened. Look Clay I'm sorry, but my concern is for this team, and you keep droppin in and out, it's causing a disturbance in the flow. I mean one minute you're here, then you're gone. So, sorry but the answer has to be no!"

"Wait what?! No! Just like that, no!? But... what you're not even gonna consider it" Clay frowns. He's taken aback by Jason's bluntness and it triggers a sudden wave of anger inside him. Forcing himself up from his seat he steps out from his cage "Are you serious?... No! What, you won't let me take my son to see his mom, even though she can't fly, and she _needs_ to see him. Are you actually _fucking_ kidding me, Jason?"

"No. No, I'm _not kidding you_. Look, I get it I do but well....we got this training thing and I got brass comin' in from all over to check it out. Some, big cake eater display and with you being Lindell's golden boy right now, well I'm not gonna tell him his favorite pupil's not gonna be showing up for class. Clay they're expecting a performance and we're gonna give 'em one, that includes you. Unless you want out of this team more permanently?"

_Shit! _Clay takes a sharp gasp of breath "What? Are you _fuckin_ serious? Jace...I'm not Lindell's _golden boy_ as you put it and I am still a member of this team. What I'm asking is you to cut me a little slack. My girlfriend needs to see her son. Can't you understand that?"

"Yeah I do but... like I said my priority is this team. Clay, I got Blackburn, Lindell and god knows who else all over us for the mis- steps we made recently. I need my full team out there. I don't wanna be tellin them one of DEVGRUs finest is halfway across the globe babysitting his girlfriend. Look..." Jason sighs taking a moment. He realizes what he's saying is harsh but the truth, and if there was any other way he'd find it, but he can't and he needs to make Clay understand that "why don't you get your babysitter or whatever she is to take him. I mean that would make sense right?"

"What? No! No, I... I can't ask her to do that, Casey is my responsibility; Jason I need to take him. I need to check Kelsey's okay too. Jason their my family, I ..." he frowns looking as yet another call from Kelsey adds to the list. He groans quietly under his breath, holding the phone up in Jason's direction "I need to tell her somethin'!"

"Then tell her you're not comin', at least not for now." He watches, he can see the anger bubbling on Clay's face "Look I can't afford to be a man down again, not now. I need you here with the team. You can't be half in in half out like you have been for weeks. I need you fully committed and back with us"

"Half in, half out, what the fuck!! I'm never...you know I always give a hundred percent. Jeez I can't believe you even said that"

"What like that shit shower display out there today?!" Jason forehead furrows with lines. The more Clay fires back the more his snarky tone starts to grate and Jason becomes even more determined to assert his authority " From what I saw, you need the practice. You couldn't hit a target from five feet down range out there. If that's supposed to be you giving me a hundred percent then...."

"Look..." Clay takes a breath. He can't argue, today his mind was elsewhere, the sleepless nights from Kelsey waking him each night are starting to take their toll "I know ...I know that wasn't perfect today but... I haven't had a lot of sleep. You know, she just keeps calling, all hours. Jason she just wants to see her son"

"Well best you tell her to stop then. Clay, this is your career. It's not that I'm not sympathetic but come on ... you're both Navy, you both know how it works. Hell, you bent over backwards to send her back when she wants to go play Lieutenant. Where was her worrying about missing her kid then?"   
  
Jason has to take a breath. Biting his lip he knows that comment was below the belt but he's angry because Clay keeps chipping away asking. Angry this whole saga is messing with his team dynamic and angry because at the end of the day, he feels sorry for them even though right now, he can't help them. 

"You know I can't just tap a magic wand and make ops fit your plans; make cake eaters go away. This is what we do Clay and I can't change that. The team needs you and looking at the situation, as far as I can see your woman is taken care of where she is, and your son, well he's being cared for here at home, so I don't see you actually have a problem. Sure, she's missing him, but she's gonna have to suck it up for now."

"Oh c'mon Jason that's not fair. She hasn't seen him in weeks"

"Yeah I get it, it's tough for her. But it's hardly months. I mean deployment would've been longer. It's just something she' ll have to deal with 'til she can fly. Sorry that's my final answer"

"Oh my god!" Clay sighs rubbing his head "I don't believe you said that. Jason please... how the hell am I gonna tell her that?" Clay closes his eyes wondering how he will explain that he can't take Casey to see her, even after he promised "This is really how you see it? Jason seriously please ... just do me this one favor"

"Do you one favor?! Clay, I did you a favor, I let you disappear for two weeks and if I remember with no word to me about what was going on or when you were coming back. All I got were second-hand messages relayed by Sonny and Ray. Not once did you check in, except to bypass me with a message to Lindell, that you wouldn't be going on deployment. What you thought you'd just cut me outta the loop, so you'd get your own way. Well he might be sympathetic to your wants, me not so. Oh and don't go thinking to go behind my back over this. You do that Clay, and I'll show you the power I wield. You understand me."

"Yeah perfectly!" Clay frowns, he looks up at the daylight coming in from the window "So, what you're saying I can't go, full stop?"

"No...no that's not what I'm sayin' just that you have to fit it in your own time, not mine. Look, you got two-days RnR coming up, before this exercise, take him then if you want. There and back job done"

"Job done! Jason's she's hardly going to get to see him if I do it like that"

"Well she'll still see him, right? That's what you wanted. Take it or leave it. You could always consider leaving him there, with her. Then she gets to see him, and you don't have the childcare headache"

"Childcare headache? My son is not a _childcare headache._ What you don't think I can do my job and look after my child. I'll have you know I everything in control, so I don't need you giving me tips and lecturing me about childcare"

"Oh..." Jason smiles slamming his cage door shut. ".. but see I think you do need some tips, tips on how to be a tier one operator again. Cos right now, I don't see much commitment, coming to the team. First a couple of weeks time out, then missing deployment and now you want me to authorize some _more_ time out. Not gonna happen! Suck it up Clay. You need to find a workaround cos I want you here, present, correct and your head in the game for next week's exercise. Are we clear?!"

Clay sighs loudly, it takes an effort from him to control his temper. Jason's not listening or being fair but knowing he's not going to win this argument he backs down. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath as he attempts to keep a check on his emotions "Oh yeah ... we're clear!"

"Good!" Jason sighs, he also takes a breath. Chewing his gum, he watches Clay for a few moments, he can see the dilemma in his face as he again looks at his phone "Look, I'll catch up with you later for some beers, alright?"

"Yeah sure!" Clay glances up hardly able to look at him. Grinding his teeth in a seething anger as Jason leaves the room. _Fuck!!... Fuck it!_ Clay screams now pacing around trying to calm down. 

Slamming the cage door back on itself. _Fuck you!!..... Fuuckk!!_ He slumps onto the floor his hands on his head _Shit!! _he frowns as again the phone vibrates "Oh god ...._God dammit_ Kelsey! Please, for god sake just let me think!" _Urggghh! _He throws the phone onto his bag, wondering what he's going to do now. 

The door creaks open and slams shut again. He looks up from over his knees where he's sat on the floor.

"Hey!" Sonny casually strolls into the room; he frowns looking down at Clay hunched on the floor "What the hell's going on? Is somethin' wrong? Clay, did something happen?" the lines on his head deepen as Clay doesn't answer " Clay talk to me man, is Casey's okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine. Everything's fine...I just..." still frustrated he sighs loudly " oh it's Jason. He... he said I can't take time out to take Casey to the UK and ...well, Kelsey...yeah well she just won't stop callin. I just needed a minute." He smiles, shaking his head with the despair he feels "I tell ya it's... Sonny, what the hell am I supposed to do here?" Picking his phone up he stares at the growing list of missed calls and text notifications saying _Call me._

"So, what's Jay's problem?"

"He said it's not a good time, to take Casey and be away again. Not with this exercise coming up"

" Okay...we'll I kinda warned ya that was comin' and ..." Sonny nods gesturing towards his phone "what's wrong with her?"

"Nothing! That's just it, apart from her injures, there's nothing wrong with her. She's just checking in all the time. Checking we're okay, that nothing's happened to us" _Pheww!_ he sighs "It's like she's obsessed." Clay stands himself up looking at Sonny for help " I guess she can't help it, right? I mean, she's gotta be bored, just lying there who wouldn't be"

"Yeah I'm sure she is. You're right, it's gotta be hard. Stuck in that house on her own. You and her kid thousands of miles away and nothin she can do about it. Yeah sure that's gonna be hard"

"I know" he sighs "I get it Sonny, I really do but..." He rubs his still dust dirty hand over his head

"But ...but what?"

"Sonny how the hell am I gonna tell her, that we can come back, or I mean if I do, it's on two days RnR, literally an overnight visit. She's not gonna accept that. I promised her and now..._Fuck! _ Why did we have to have his stupid shitty training thing right now!"

"Hey c'mon...it's a tough call but she'll understand. Clay at least, two days, it's somethin' She's Navy, she's gonna get it, she will. Hey what you say how 'bout I come with ya? If nothing else all this Texas charm will cheer her up. I can help ya look after lil champ and get a change of scene too. How about it?" Sonny frowns

"What you wanna come to the UK?"

"Yeah sure, why not? It's only a couple of days. I can help with Casey and you can give Audrey them days off she wanted, to visit her friend. She been working hard lately, to keep things runnin at the house with us spinnin' up so much and now this training you gonna need her now more than ever. She takes care of Casey real good. She's a good stand-in Momma to him"

"Yeah you're right, she's so good with him, and a damn good cook." he smiles "I'm sure she'd be glad of those days off though. I don't know how we'd have got through this without her. I mean there's so much and it means I don't have to worry about Casey while I'm away. She sorts everything". _  
_

_Oh hell!_ Clay checks his phone as again it vibrates. Expecting to see Kelsey's name he's now taken by surprise "What the hell does he want?" he frowns noticing its Alex's name that now appears on the screen and his heart leaps with concern. "He never calls me.. what the hell.."

"Well answer it then." Sonny also frowns as concern churns over in his stomach, but he has to admit he has that feeling anytime Alex's name is mentioned.

"Hey!" Clay frowns as he accepts the call "What can I do for you Alex? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah um...look Clay, I didn't want to have to call you but..." he hushes his voice, pulling the door to the kitchen closed "it's Kelsey"

"Kelsey? Why what's wrong with her, she okay? Look sorry, I've been on a training exercise all day; I know I missed some calls from her."

"Yeah I know that she's been calling you. That's what I'm worried about. Clay, I don't know what else to do. I'm not sure how to get through to her." He sighs loudly rubbing his hand through his hair, sipping from the large glass of red wine he has stood on the kitchen counter "Do you have any sort of idea when you're likely to be coming back, with Casey?"

"No, not yet. I um... I'm still tryin' to sort something. Like I told her earlier this week, it's not easy, I can't just drop everything, it doesn't work like that. I've already been away so... Command are not wearing it right now. I'm just trying to arrange a couple of days, but it'll be more like an overnight stay, sometime next week."

"You're bringing Casey though, right? Clay I can't tell you how much she _needs _to see him, and soon. I'm worried about her. Physically she's on track but what's going on her head, that's not so good."

"What do you mean what's going on in her head? I spoke to her, she seemed fine"

"Yeah well she's not. Clay, she's not sleeping, well very little and even then I have to almost drug her with sleeping tablets. She hardly eats anything, and I have to constantly bully her to go to physio." He laughs exasperated, taking another sip of wine " You know I've even resorted to getting her commander to come see her tomorrow. I'm hoping he'll be able to talk some sense into her. If she takes any notice...well that's another thing. Clay, she doesn't want to do anything, just constantly obsessing about checking her phone"

He pauses rubbing his face "She's really not in a good place. The doctor said it was to be expected under the circumstances, he offered counselling but there's a wait list. I think, seeing Casey, holding him, it could really help her and well if you can't bring him then .... " He hesitates taking a breath he gulps back a large mouthful of wine "... I was thinking, what if...I come get him. I mean I think I should be fit to fly, my knee is a lot better now and we could have him stay for a while. I could get the baby stuff from the flat and.."

"No!" Clay cuts him off sharply snapping his reply "No! No that's not happening! You're not going anywhere near my son!" he laughs rubbing his hand across his face "Oh I see.. yeah sure, this part of some plan you cooked up is it? This...this suits you, it's _exactly_ what you wanted. Well I'll tell you now, my answer is NO! Casey comes there with me or he doesn't come at all" He sighs loudly taking a deep breath " I know what you're trying to do Alex and it's not going to happen."

"Oh, Clay c'mon, seriously you're not still on this are you?"

Clay bites his lip. The anger Alex provokes inside him quickly surfacing. He takes a breath looking up at Sonny who's frowning as he watches him "You are _not _ coming to get my son! I will deal with Kelsey; I'll sort something, but that is one thing that is not happening. Casey stays here... with me... always!"

"Clay..." Alex calms himself before he replies "please, this is not about me or you. I don't want to steal your son, don't be stupid. I just ... I just want to make Kelsey better. So, she can get back to you and her son"

"Well, I don't wanna hear anything you have to say. Tell Kelsey I'll call her!"

With that he cuts the call off and Alex looks at the now blank screen. _Shit!!_ He sighs in loud frustration. Once again Clay's petulance means he won't listen. _Fuck!! _"Jesus Clay! Why the _hell_ do you have to be such a stubborn _fucking _arsehole!" 

Alex picks up his glass of wine, draining it back quickly before refilling it from the bottle.

o-o-o-o-o-o

Clay's fuming, he storms around his cage throwing things on to the floor. _Fuuuck!_ He screams as the frustrations of today start to get to him.

"Woah, woah! Hold up there Golden Boy, now just calm it down. What the hell happened?" Sonny frowns concerned "Alex, he say somethin'?"

"Yeah, Mr _Fucking _Perfect... you know what he's wanting to do? I knew it, I knew what he wanted, from the off. Him offering for her to stay there, in his house and now... now he wants to come get Casey for him to go live there. It's not gonna happen Sonny...it's not! I swear to god they are not taking my son from me. This is his home and he stays here"

"Alright, just calm it down. That's not gonna happen, you're right, Casey stays here but I'm sure he's not trying to take him and anyways... he's gotta get past me first"

"Oh, he's clever, Sonny. I bet he's been planning this. Don't forget he's an officer, a sneaky fuck. Got me in a position where I wouldn't be able to say no. Using Kelsey to get what he wants, his perfect family. _Shit!_ You know, I should have seen this coming. Sonny, I need to find a way to bring her home and fast!"  
  
"Clay, just think for a minute... now what did he say about Kelsey, is she alright?"

"I don't know. I mean no, well he said not. He says she can't sleep, I guess that explains the calls at all hours. She knows my phones on all the time and then if I ignore her she calls Audrey, waking her up as well. You know last night .. four fuckin times, in the middle of the night. Constantly wanting to check on Casey. Fuck Sonny, what am I gonna do ?"

"Hey, first you gonna calm down. Then we'll sort somethin." Sonny sighs taking his hat off he rubs his head taking a moment to think "Look, you'll take him back, for the couple of days, like you planned, then... well we'll come up with somethin', alright?" As Clay calms and nods his head in agreement Sonny smiles grabbing his hand on his shoulder "Right now.. get dressed and we'll go sink some beers"

"I can't... I mean the beers, I can't. I need to get back and pick up Casey from Ash. He's had him today, Audrey went to visit a friend and I don't know what time she'll be back. I need to go collect him and get him ready for bed"

"Okay.. " Sonny frowns "alright then, can't go out, I'll bring the beers to you. We got this" he smiles "Clay, just stop worrying okay. He's not getting' his hands-on Casey!"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The door knocks and as Clay opens it Sonny holds up the beer pack.

"Hey..." he frowns, sniffing the aroma of cooking _Mmmm!_ "Somethin' smells good there. Don't tell me ya cooked for me?"

"I wish... no it's not me." Clay turns pointing over his shoulder towards the kitchen "Audrey she ... she came back early, her friend was sick so ... " He smiles " pasta, you want some? I'm sure there's plenty"

"Yeah, yeah sure do. Hey Audrey" he smiles. Looking up as she acknowledges him "So...her bein' back, mean we can go for beers later?"

"Oh, no I'm not sure that's fair. It's still her day off, I have to watch Casey"

"What is not fair?" Audrey frowns, handing over open bottles of beer to both Sonny and Clay.

"Oh um... Sonny, he wanted us to go beers, after dinner. I said no," Clay smiles at her "I mean, it's your day off "

"Oh no. Clay it's fine, you two can go. Clay, you deserve to relax" She strokes her hand up his arm over his shoulder, gently massaging his muscle "After all this worry about Alex and Kelsey, just go and enjoy, Me and Casey will be just fine. You already bathed him so I can put him to bed for you. I was only going to have quiet night, long soak and read a book, so you go. But first, come, eat "

"Can't argue with that Clay," Sonny smiles "Told ya, you struck gold here!" 

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Dinner is finished and Sonny pushes his plate forward, reaching for the last piece of homemade garlic bread. Clay grabs up the dishes and clears the table. 

"That Audrey was...de..lic..ous!" Sonny smiles at her " You know, I swear to god I wish you were my housekeeper"

"Well I kind of thought you were living here now anyway" she laughs stroking her hand gently on his cheek

"Yeah well... it's gonna be all change when Kelsey gets home, aint that right Clay? I guess I might have to move back to mine more permanently"

"When what?" Clay frowns he's lost in his thoughts as he washes the dirty dishes "Yeah...look, maybe I should call her back, before we go out. I mean Alex did say she wasn't feeling too great and I haven't spoken to her since"

"Clay, she'll be fine. You of all people know what it's like coming back from long-term injury. It has its tough days. She' ll get through it and if we go for a couple days then it'll give her a boost, right?"

_Mmmm!_ "Yeah... yeah guess you're right"

"Okay you two out!" Audrey frowns as she listens as the conversation starts to take a more downbeat tone " Go! Go, go ... go!" She smiles, taking the dishes from Clay's hand. She points towards the door, giving him a huge grin "I'll finish these. Go .. have a drink and relax."

"Thank you." He smiles, kissing her cheek "I'm so grateful for everything you've been doing. I don't know how I can repay it but .. thanks"

"You are welcome. You know Clay... I like being here with you, and Casey, you're very special to me. Both of you" she smiles taking some of the soap sud bubbles, dabbing them onto his nose "Now, get out and let me clear up. Then I might have some peace. Oh and Sonny ..." She turns facing him "not too much to drink!"

"Oh, yes ma'am!" he laughs saluting her "I'll keep an eye on him don't worry 'bout that, we know he can't handle his beer"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Clay unlocks the door to the apartment and as the door swings open he and Sonny laugh as they fall drunkenly inside.

Sonny trips, falling over the arm of the couch, landing face down on the seat pillows. In his drunken state he's unable to move and finding his predicament ridiculous he begins to laugh.

Clay grins watching him fall but unable to do anything about it. He too is very drunk and he also starts to laugh. Staggering around the room he tries to switch the side lamp on, but as he gets his hand on it, all he manages to do is knock over the small table it sits on, sending it and the silver metal lamp crashing to the floor.

_Shit!_ He sighs leaning over as he tries to pick it up.

"Clay what the fuck?" Sonny smiles. He turns himself over on to his back. Watching as Clay struggles with the table all he can do is continue to laugh.

They're both so drunk and unable to right the mess he made with the table and lamp; Clay gives up and slumps down on the floor in a heap, leaning himself against the side of the chair.

Sonny still lays back on the couch, unable to move. It's really, really late and the, several, trays of tequila shots they drank have done their work and he's now feeling their coma inducing effect. Tired, he closes his eyes and, within minutes, is snoring loudly.

Clay looks around over his shoulder towards the sounds of deep breathless groans "Sonny?!" he frowns calling out "Sonny... you hear me, man? Hey, wake the hell up!" He sighs at the lack of response and using the arm on the chair he clambers to his feet.

_Oh fuck!_ He moans, unsteadily swaying, his head dizzy from the effects of the drink. _Hell!_ He stumbles forward attempting to make his way to his bedroom. As he takes another intoxicated step, he blinks his eyes rapidly, at the sudden bright light that flicks on in the hallway.

"_Que demonios?!_" Audrey frowns confused watching Clay stagger towards her as she stands just outside her own bedroom doorway. "Clay? Clay, what are you doing?"

_Shhh!_ He puts his finger to his mouth, loudly telling her to be quiet "_Shh!...Shhh!_ Sonny... Sonny's sleeping!" he laughs

"Oh, really!" she smiles _Mmmm hmm!_ "_Estupido_! Si...I can see that. Is he as drunk as you?" she grins, laughing as she watches him swaying in front of her.

_Mmmm!_ Clay frowns rubbing his hand over his head as a huge beaming grin crosses his face _Mmmm! "_Yeah .. yeah maybe."

"You had a good time, si?" she frowns, still smiling at him "A lot to drink?"

"Oh yeah.. _si!_" he laughs, nodding his head "A _lot _to drink...Sonny's fault. He was one, he bought tequila!"

"Oh really?" she nods " Clay, c'mon you need to go to bed. Sleep it off"

_Mmmm! Aww! _"Spoilsport..." he groans "I'm not tired"

"No... but you are very drunk!" she laughs. Taking a hold on his arm she leads him along the corridor to his bedroom doorway. His room faces hers on the opposite side of the hall "You okay to get yourself undressed?" She frowns

_Mmmm!_ "Yeah, yeah I am okay!" he smiles. Her watching as his cute, boyish grin spreads across his face.

"Well then ... good night Clay!" She tilts her head teasingly. Coyly smiling in reply to him.

It's late and suddenly in his drunken state, Clay can't think of anything other than how sexy she looks. Stood in the dimming light of the hallway, she's wearing only a small grey tee shirt that barely covers the matching pair of grey panties she has on underneath.

"You okay?" she frowns, looking up at him, her lust filled eyes stare at him as he waivers, staggering from side to side.

_Mmmm!_ He nods, grinning boyishly as she places her hand gently against the side of his face

"Clay go to bed!" She smiles, her lips pouting teasingly as she speaks.

"You know um.... Audrey, did I tell you, thanks?! Thanks, for everything you've done for us. I .. I.."

"Clay, shut up and go to bed!" Reaching up towards him she brushes a kiss delicately on his cheek "Goodnight!"

He looks down at her large dark brown eyes as she stares with a wanton purpose straight into his alcohol glazed blue. They continue to look at each other and then there's a sudden and unstoppable surge of drunken hormones and emotions racing around Clay's body. Audrey can feel it in the grasping hold he now makes on her waist, his hand sliding down and around, grabbing at her butt. Both of them now clutching tightly at each other.

Her fingers tangle longingly in his messed up dirty blonde curls. Him fisting and wrapping large sections of her long, chocolate hair around his hand, as she forces her lust filled lips towards his, enticing and tempting him to kiss her.

Their mouths lock in a passionate lust filled kiss, her tongue hankering for him. Probing his mouth as he slams her with tequila fueled desire back against the wall of the hallway.

_Mmmm!_ She groans enjoying his touch on her body. So many times, alone in her bed has she imagined this moment and now even though he has very little control to stop her temptations she's enjoying it more than she thought she would. Lifting her long-toned leg, she snakes it around Clay's waist as his mouth works its way down her neck.  
  
_Oh Dios!! _She cries out quietly being cautious not to wake Sonny or the baby and ruin the anticipated moments of pleasure. 

Clay's grasping at the hem of her tee shirt. Her smiling as she now tempts him beyond the point of stopping by pulling the fabric garment up over her head and dropping it to the floor beside them

"Clay!" she gasps in her strong Spanish tone, signalling she wants more by pressing her large, now exposed, tanned breast against him. Stood there naked, except for the very small pair of grey panties she's wearing she smiles before again taking his mouth with hers.

_Oh god!_ He sighs stroking his hand softly over the curves of her body. Blocking out any guilt ridden questions that plague his mind trying to convince him to stop, to back away and end this madness. The tequila filling his veins numbing his emotions and convincing him he wants, hell he _needs, _the release of sex with her.

Now he's focused on nothing except the flesh being offered in front of him. Any chance of him coming to his senses are long gone as every emotion, along with his blood flow, rushes to the hardness filling between his legs. All he can feel is the drunken, lust filled, urge to fuck. A primal alcohol laced testosterone filled want.

_"Oh god!"_ he gasps, the words _"We shouldn't!" _escape his lips quietly under his breath. As if somehow repeating them out loud exonerates him from any wrongdoing he's about to do.

"_Clay! _I want you so much!" She smiles. Ignoring his rhetorical question of whether they should be doing this or not. Then placing her lips firmly against his, she works her soft wetness over his mouth, kissing and in the process encouraging more from his male desires. "Come!"

Disengaging from the hold she has over him, loosening his grip from her flesh she takes his hand in hers and walks backwards, enticing him into her bedroom. Kissing again she then closes the door shut behind them.


	44. My mistake.

_Aww....shit! _Clay groans. Sitting himself upright on the side of the bed, he pulls his hands through his hair. Resting he closes his eyes, his head throbbing, his stomach churning somersaults of sickness. _Shit! _He sighs again unable to move from his current position.

A shuffling sound from the other side of the bed wakes him up. Looking around over his shoulder he watches as the still sleeping Audrey turns onto her side. _  
_

_Fuck!! What the hell have you done!_ He quietly questions himself. The nauseous feeling reaches his throat, unsure if it's over consumption of alcohol or the guilt of the situation but whichever he still feels like he might throw up.

In silence he collects up his shorts and pants from the floor, pulling them on. Quickly looking around he's unable to find his shirt and so quietly makes a move to stand up.

"Hey!" Audrey turns over and faces him. Just about able to see him out in the dim light of the room she slides her hand over the smooth of his, shirtless, back "You okay?" she frowns "Clay, is something wrong?"

"Um... no! No..." he sighs, knowing that's not the truth, there is plenty wrong but nothing that he wants to discuss with her now "No, just go back to sleep. I ... I need some water. Really... I'm fine."

She sits up in the bed, still massaging her hand gently against his back. He takes a deep breath, shrugging her off, he can't look at her "Sorry! I'm sorry, this....it's wrong " Standing up he leaves the room, letting the door close quietly behind him.

_Fuck!!!_ He leans, hands on knees, pausing a moment in the hall between the rooms. The enormity of what he's done hits him hard in the chest. _Oh god!!! Fuck! _

Looking left he knows Sonny's there, asleep on the couch and looking right, to the end of the corridor, is the small box room where his baby boy sleeps. Swallowing the hideous metallic taste of stale tequila he wanders, still silent, towards the door of the nursery.

Gently pushing it open he steps inside. The dim star light offers some warming comfort as he leans over the crib looking at his baby as he sleeps. He smiles, watching his little chin moving against the comforter he has in his mouth.

"Hey there, Casey!" he whispers, smiling "I love you.... so much." His eyes well up with tired tears, the reality and whole horror of tonight drains him emotionally. He slumps himself down in the nursery chair. Picking up the teddy that sits there he holds it tight to his chest for some reassuring comfort.

_Oh, what the hell!_ He rubs his hand over his eyes, wiping away the wet tear stains.

Looking through the sides of the crib he watches his son sleeping "Oh Casey... I'm so sorry ... so, so sorry! Why the hell did I do that!" He can't help himself, quietly he starts to sob into the fur of the bear he's holding.

Suddenly he's disturbed from his tearful hurt by the vibration of his cell phone. Taking it from his pocket he sucks in a deep breath of air. Where before he would have been annoyed seeing Kelsey's name on the screen, he's now filled instead with an anxious guilty dread.

It's 04:30am and he composes himself preparing to accept the call he swallows the huge, hurting lump in his throat "Hey!" he squeaks, his words struggling to form properly.

"Clay?" Kelsey frowns wondering why it doesn't sound like him "Clay, are you okay? Can you hear me?"

"Um... yeah. Yeah sorry I was... I was asleep"

"Oh sorry! Should I go?"

"No.. no, you're fine, really, I'm glad.... glad that you called. I really needed to hear your voice."

"Okay." she takes a moment listening to the silence on his end of the call "Clay, I'm .... I'm sorry baby, I know I shouldn't keep calling you but it's just .. . well I'm missing you so much. I love you. I love both of you, so much. Really, I'm sorry...for everything"

"Hey..." he swallows still unable to talk properly. The guilt-ridden tears choking him up "hey it's fine. Really... it's fine. This, it's my fault I should have called you back. It's ... it's been hard, but I promise I'm going to get it all sorted. So um... are you okay? You feeling any better? I mean, Alex he called me, he said you weren't feeling so good"

_Mmmm! _ She nods, smiling, so happy to hear him. "Yeah I'm okay. Clay I'm gonna get better. I promise." she frowns "What time is it there? Are you alone, can I see you?"

"Um..." he hesitates, wondering how he's going to face her "um...yeah. Yeah sure" He wipes his face with his hand and switches the phone to video mode and forces a smile on to his lips "Hey there ..."

"Hi!" she smiles anxiously looking him over. She has the call on her laptop so she can see him better "Are you okay? You look like shit." she laughs

"Yeah .. . Sonny and me we errm.... we went drinking. Too much tequila. Wasn't a good idea. I mean it _really_ wasn't a good idea " he frowns struggling to hide his pain.

"Oh dear!" she laughs "Well I'm sure you'll recover. Is Sonny okay or does he look like you?"

"Oh, he's um... he's asleep on the couch. Crashed when we got back"

"Are you with Casey then? Only I noticed the stars on the door in the background"

"Ah yeah. Yeah I was ... just getting some water, thought I'd check on him. He's fine, he's sleepin'" he takes a breath looking over his shoulder at the doorway the stars going around like she said, and he smiles " Kelsey, I .. I need to say something.. " he hesitates biting his lip wondering how to say his words "I..." he sighs again "I miss you. God, I miss you so much!"

"Hey, c'mon..." she smiles "you're going to come soon, right? I mean Alex said, well he said Jason being a pain in the arse and that you can only come for a couple of days, is that right?"

"Yeah, sorry I tried. It's just this training thing, it's ...well it's kinda a big deal and as I'm already missing deployment, so well... everyone's not happy. In fact, they're really pissed." he laughs "Sorry I .. I should have called and told you. I mean I shouldn't have left it to Alex, I should have told you myself. If I could change it I would, you know that."

"Hey...it's okay. I know how it is. Damn Navy right. Rules don't bend for us!" she sighs taking a breath "Clay, I know I've...well I've been a little intense. Alex he .. he kinda _talked _to me about it. I don't mean to be a pain, it's just...it's been so hard being here on my own, you two over there, miles away. But I'm gonna sort it out, I mean it. Clay..." she stops talking, hesitating as she hears the sound of a voice in the background behind him.

Clay quickly turns around, stunned by Audrey's sudden appearance, standing in the doorway, wearing only his, mislaid, shirt.

"Is everything alright?" She frowns, placing her hand on his shoulder as she tilts her head, watching him "Clay... come back to bed?"

Her presence is a surprise and he takes a sharp breath, dropping his cell phone to the floor in panic "Oh um... I'm just on a call!" he frowns staring at her "It's Kelsey!"

"Oh!.... Oh, sorry!" she gasps. hushing her voice "Look, I'll go!...Clay...sorry!" she smiles at him hoping for reassurance but she doesn't get it and feels hurt " I guess... I'll leave you to it then"

He nods, his heart pounding hard in his chest, watching her disappear out of the door, pulling it shut behind her. Biting is lip, anxiously_, _he sighs before he picking up his phone from under the chair where it fell "Hey... I'm back. Sorry. I um... I dropped the phone"

Audrey leans her back against the door listening to his conversation, she sighs loudly her hands shaking anxious she wonders what will happen now.  
  
Clay was a guilty pleasure and she knowingly took advantage of his drunken state to get what she'd yearned for so long. From the moment she met Clay, she liked him. The closer they got this past few weeks with Kelsey away, the more he sparked something inside her. Working for him had been fun. His good looks and charm mixed with his intelligence always made her feel so good and she loves the feeling she has when he is around. Seeing him with Casey, how great he is as father, it's all been so nice.  
  
She sighs realizing now the complications their error of judgement error will cause. Wondering if it can be fixed and get back on track, even daring to wish for some possible future for her and Clay.

Stepping away from the nursery room door she looks up and stopping where she is she sees Sonny leaving the bathroom. He stood still in the hallway staring at her.

"Hi ! " She smiles hesitant to speak. "You feeling okay now?" She questions him smiling but can tell by the expression on his face that he's already suspicious about what's going on with her "Oh, I um... I was just checking, on Casey. I thought I heard him cry. It's okay, Clay's with him."

Sonny still doesn't speak, just stands there nodding. Frozen to the spot he continues to stare, looking her up and down. It's obvious to him something's going on. Her standing there in the doorway, dressed in Clay's tee shirt, the one he wore earlier, the one with the large tequila stain down the front, the one that smells of his aftershave.

She swallows nervously, her eyes following a line towards her own shirt which is still laying in a heap on the floor outside her bedroom door.

Both their eyes look up, locking together and it's like she can tell exactly what he's thinking "Sonny, it's not..." she sighs nervously.

He still doesn't say a word as his eyes fix on her. Where once he would have come back with a funny one liner and was loving and respectful around her, now he just stares with a blank unemotional look.

"Goodnight Audrey" he breaks the silence with a cold blunt reply, grinding his teeth together with the anger he feels.

She nods. Unable to offer any further explanation, she opens the door to her room and quietly slips inside.

Sonny stares fixated on the dim light coming from the door to the nursery at the end of the corridor. He sighs loudly, his hand rubbing the drunken sleep from his face, scratching at his beard in frustration "_What the fuck did your dumb ass do now Clay?"_

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Clay ... Clay are you there?" Kelsey frowns. She can hear shuffling and the semi muffled sound of voices and noise. The screen on her laptop is blank "Clay, what the hell is going on ?"

Suddenly his voice is back. He's only audio and she can't see his face "Hey errm... sorry I dropped the phone"

"Okay um..." she sighs, swallowing apprehensively "What's going on? I thought I heard Audrey's voice. Is it Casey, is he okay?"

"Um...." Clay hesitates, closing his eyes. Rubbing his head, it aches thinking about the lies he's going to tell "Yeah, yeah he's fine. He's okay I mean. Yeah, it was Audrey she just um.... she heard me talking and came to check we were okay"

"Oh, and you are okay?" Kelsey quietens "I mean it's good that she thought to check on you. She takes care of you both well. Can I um... can I see, Casey?"

"Oh err.... yeah, yeah sure" Clay holds the camera over the crib and both of them watch as their baby continues to sleep soundly.

Content in his dreams she smiles looking at him laying there peacefully. "Oh, look at you baby!" she forces a smile. Words much harder to form as tears roll down her cheek. Putting her hand to her mouth she stifles her cry. What she can't see off camera is Clay wipe his own tears, nor the expression of guilt etched on his face.

"Oh, he's so beautiful!" Kelsey cries, although trying desperately trying to remain in control. "We made such a beautiful baby, Clay and I miss him so much" she takes a deep breath "Clay, I... I want to say something. _Pheww! _I'm sorry....for everything. This whole mess it was my fault. Me wanting to go back to the Navy ... I knew it was a step too far for us all. I should have thought more about you and Casey. I regret that I didn't. I put what I wanted first and now it's cost me." She swallows. "I just wanted to tell you that. I just want you to be happy." She takes a huge breath composing herself "Clay ...I do love you."

Clay sighs taken aback by her words and he doesn't know what to reply. Her wanting to shoulder the blame while he's wracked with the guilt about what he's just done. Her apology feels like a hard smack in the face, making him feel worse. He drops his head down in shame.

"Hey, you don't need to be sorry. If anything, it's me that should be sorry. I should've been more supportive. Stopped wanting to be so damn perfect and put your feelings first. I'm gonna fix that. Kelsey, I'm the one been selfish, all that stuff with Alex, I should've trusted you more and ...let him help with out keep... well I need to make this right. And I need to tell you something..."

He hesitates over his words, unsure how to tell her the one thing he knows will probably break her heart " Kelsey I ... .." he stops, a cough in the background diverting his attention and he turns his head, looking over his shoulder.

Sonny's stands in the doorway shaking his head. He stares and Clay puts his hand over the phone. Sonny hushes his voice before he speaks " Don't you fuckin dare, Clay!"

"What?" Clay frowns unsure what he means by that "err... look Kelsey, I have to go. Can I call you, later, when I get up?"

"Clay... Clay, what were you going to say?"

"It um... it doesn't matter. We'll talk, when we come, in few days. Sonny and me....and Casey were gonna be coming out to see you. I know it's just for a couple of days but we can talk properly. Talk about getting you home some how." he smiles nervously his eyes still fixed on Sonny "Kelsey... just know, I love you so much. I miss you, that's really all I wanted to say"

_Mmmm!_ "Okay!" she nods her tears choking her "Clay... I will always love you. Give Casey a big kiss from me. I guess I'll see you in a few days. Bye!"She abruptly cuts off the call. Staring at the now blank screen on her laptop.

It lights up and the photographs she has as a screensaver flicker around in rotation. She takes a breath smiling at the ones of Casey and then suddenly she lets out a loud wail, a heart wrenching cry, bursting into a tsunami of tears.

It's a loud, painful sob and Alex hears it from the other room. He makes a bolt from his seat, rushing to her room "What the hell's going on? Kelsey are you okay. Have you got pain... what.... what is it?" he frowns his heart beating hard with worried concern "Kelsey talk to me"

She can't her words just fail. Sitting there, head down, she rocks back and forward crying. Alex places his hand on her chin, lifting it so she has to look him in the eyes.  
  
"What the hell happened?" he frowns looking at her face wet with tears " Is it Clay?... Casey? Jesus Christ Kelsey, speak! Did Clay say something?...About him not being able to come here. Look if that's the problem, then I'll go, I'll go and get Casey and I don't care what he says I'll just go!"

"No!" She shakes her head "No .. it's not that" she bites her lip "Oh Alex.... " she takes a deep breath wiping the tears from her face "Do you um.... do you think she's attractive?"

"What? Who?" he frowns even more confused by the lack of sense she's making " Is who attractive?" he watches as she stares at the photos projected on the screen in front of her. Pausing at one in particular. Audrey holding Casey at the swimming pool .

"Audrey, do you think she's attractive?"

"What?... Well, I mean I hadn't thought about it, but.. yeah I mean I suppose. I don't know her, but she seems nice enough. She's good with Casey, right? I mean, she looks after him okay.. Kelsey what's this about?"

"No, I mean physically. Would you..." she looks up seriously questioning him "would you sleep with her?"

"Um...." he laughs, wondering what's going on " is this some sort of weird trick question? Kelsey I don't understand"

"I said..." she demands an answer more angrily now " _would you _sleep with her? Yes or no, Alex!"

"Yeah... yeah I suppose. I mean she's not ugly, right? Yeah why not. She's pretty attractive but I'm not likely ..." He watches her, looking at the expression on her face and then, suddenly, something clicks "Oh no wait!... Wait a minute! No! No.... if that's what you're thinking, then no! He wouldn't!"

She sucks back the tears trying to hold them, shaking her head. He sighs, brushing her hair away from her face looking her in the eyes "Kelsey listen to me, don't even start getting those ideas in your head. Clay loves you. He's never gonna do that, not to you. He wouldn't hurt you like that. He wouldn't do that to Casey."

"You did though, right?..."

He takes a breath, closing his eyes for a moment, composing himself. The truth stings. Alex did sleep with someone else when he was seeing her. He can't forget it but he had hoped she'd forgiven him "Kelsey, don't go there. Look, Clay's not in the same place. He wouldn't."

"So, then why did she say_ come back to bed_? Just now I heard her. She was in the doorway, she was.... wearing Clay's tee shirt, the grey one with the writing on the front and heard her say it, _come back to bed!_"

"What no! No, you must have mis-heard" he frowns shaking his head. No matter his dislike of Clay he seriously doesn't want to believe he would do this and especially not with their childcare. She has to be mistaken. "No, I spoke to him early, he was ... no! No, I don't believe it. You got this wrong! You're tired and not thinking straight"

_Mmmm!_ "Yeah..." she nods "yeah I guess you're right . . I got it wrong. Like you said, he wouldn't. I mean why would he? It's just sex,right. I mean, he does have needs and ...well I'm not there and...Alex..." she wipes her streaming nose on her hand "please tell me he didn't"  
  
"He didnt' okay. He wouldn't. Trust me, he has too much to lose"

She can't hold it and sobs uncontrollably. All of her pent-up frustrations and emotions consume her now.

Alex sits on the bed holding her tight in his arms. Stroking her hair, trying desperately to offer some comfort. In his head he's praying that Clay hasn't done this because listening to her cry is breaking his heart. But he like her, wants an explanation as a fiery rage builds in the pit of his stomach. He's now hinking of all the things he will do to Clay if this turns out to be the truth.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

Clay drops the phone between his legs, then turns looking to Sonny in the doorway "Sonny, I..".

"Don't bother!" he sighs loudly, his eyes glance at Casey asleep in his crib "Don't speak if you're gonna bullshit me with a lie. Cos, I don't wanna hear it. Jesus Christ Clay! You know, I can't believe you did this"

"Sonny I...I didn't, I ..."

"What the hell did I just say? Shut the hell up! You know I just saw her, in the corridor wearing your shirt. Hers is on the floor outside her bedroom. You know, I'll bet... I open your door and your bed aint been slept in.What you say, you wan' me to check?"

Clay sighs, shaking his head _Shit !! _" Sonny, what am I gonna do ?"

"Well right now ... you' re gonna go back to bed. Your bed, alone. Get some sleep before Jason has your ass. This ... _mess_, we'll deal with tomorra. You better damn well hope that Kelsey never finds out what happened here. Jeez Clay!" He sighs loudly, he can't look at him

"Sonny... I.. I didn't mean to ... "

"I told ya, shut the hell up! You know... when I first found out she was navy I thought you'd made the dumbest mistake then. Then you went and got her pregnant and I think ya dumb ass can't get no dumber. Oh how wrong could I be! But you know I also see what she did, how happy she made ya, how much that there baby brought to ya life and I thought you know, this son of a bitch has got it all now. Good looks, best damn sniper I've ever seen... Kelsey and that kid is the best damn things that happen to you. Hell, I'd give up the teams to have half of what you got goin' on. And now you wanna put all that on the line for some drunken ass'd fumble you probably won't even remember when the booze wears off?"

Clay can offer no words no explanation "I fucked up, big style! What the hell am I gonna do?"

"What you're gonna do right now is get ya ass to bed. Now!" he sighs watching as Clay clutches at his phone, first gently kissing Casey _Goodnight_ before he leaves.

The room is silent. Sonny sits himself in the chair. Sighing loudly he watches protectively over the still sleeping Casey

_Shit!! _He sighs again, rubbing his head "You know Casey,..." he whispers ".. yaw daddy has messed up this time. But dontcha worry..... Uncle Sonny's gonna fix it." He smiles as Casey moves around "You know what, we gonna get your Momma home and this mess is gonna be all fixed up"

Sonny leans back in the seat and closes his eyes.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

"Oh ... hey!" Audrey frowns as she enters the living area. It's morning but she's still only wearing Clay's shirt that she slept in.

Sonny ignores her. He has Casey on the changing mat laid on the floor, finishing up with the clean diaper.

"Sonny, what are you doing?" though confused, she smiles. There's a frosty reception from him and she tries to lighten the atmosphere.

It doesn't work. He look up still giving her no reaction, his face expressionless. He lifts Casey, pulling his little jeans up into place over his diaper. "What does it look like I'm doin' ? He needed his diaper changed"

"Um..." she laughs ".. but, Sonny, you don't do diapers, it's not your thing. They make you queasy. Why didn't you come get me to do it for you?"

"You know there's only one thing around here makes me queasy right now... and I'm lookin' at her!"

"What?" she frowns, taken aback by the curtness of his reply "What's that supposed to mean? Sonny, do we have a problem? Did I do something?"

"Well I don' know, you tell me. Did ya... do.. somethin'? Somethin' last night, with Clay maybe... see that might be my problem."

"No .. no... Sonny that was a misunderstanding. What you thought ... it .. it wasn't. I can explain. He was very drunk ... I was just helping him"

"Yeah... I bet ya were, just _helpin _him! You know what don't bother with your half ass'd bullshit. I know exactly what happened. You couldn't help ya self could ya. He was drunk and you took full advantage. _Hmmm!_" he sighs loudly " Look at ya... totally brazen. Standin' there now, still in his shirt, like nothin happened"

"Sonny, please..."

"No... no I'd don't wanna hear it. Oh, don't worry I'm not just blamin you. Clay's been dumb ass as well. But he's gonna pay for it. Now.... if you don't mind, me and my lil Champ are going for some breakfast. May I suggest that while we do ... you get your _own _clothes on, then pack up your shit and leave. We don't need your help around here anymore."

"What?" she frowns "Sonny, you can't just ask me to leave"

"Well, I think I just did. What you didn't hear me? Pack..up ... your stuff...and get the hell out!"

"But you can't! You have no right to ask that. I don't work for you."

"No... and you don't work for Kelsey no more. Oh what .. you make a habit of servicing her boyfriend as part of your duties. You know... it's a damn good job, for you, Kelsey's a few thousand miles away. Cos even injured, she'd take your damn head off if she was here!" Sonny sighs, controlling his temper "Oh...lookey there Casey, it's yaw daddy, he finally surfaced to clean up his mess"

"Sonny..." Clay frowns rubbing his head "what's going on?"

"Oh um... Cinderella here, she's gonna leave. That's right ain't it Clay... you're gonna ask her to leave"

" Well I mean, what about ... I mean, Casey.. I need " Clay frowns with Sonny glaring at him he hesitates. Feeling awkward, he's not sure what to say as he looks over at Audrey.

"Clay...." she begs "please.. we can put this behind us"

"I ... I don't know" he shrugs

"You don't know!" Sonny frowns "What the ... Clay man the fuck up!" Sonny sighs angrily, strapping Casey in his buggy "You tell her to leave, right now! It's simple. What...you won't fix this mess you made? Well okay then..... we'll ask Kelsey, see what she thinks, yeah? What you say lil champ, we ask Momma if she should stay or go?"

Sonny takes his phone from his pocket and Clay jumps in, watching as, unknown to him, Sonny pretends to call her

"Wait! Sonny wait! No! Don't alright. Look, I ll sort this" He looks over at Audrey with pity in his face "Maybe Sonny's right. Maybe you being here, right now, you know maybe it's not such a great idea. I mean ...thanks for everything but....well I need to be on my own for a while. I need to get Kelsey home"

"See... you heard the man!" Sonny grins at her "Now get gone!"

"Clay..." She frowns sighing loudly ".. please. You need me here. How are you going to take care of Casey?"

Sonny laughs shaking his head in annoyance "You know ... I should've seen this comin'! I mean now I think back. All those lil flirty touches on his arm, strokes to his cheek. All them, _let me get that for ya Clay_. Doin' this and that's.. . if I add them together, it was obvious, right there under ma nose. Guess I chose to ignore it. So, I kinda blame myself for what's gone on here. But one think I can do, I can make damn well sure nothin else happens. You two are done. Last night... was _huge _mistake, one he won't be repeatin'!"

"You have no right to stop us!" Audrey frowns defensively "We are adults, we can do what we want.." 

"You know Clay, if you don't sort this and get her out of here.. then I swear to god, I'll put her out, wearing just that outfit if I have to. You got one choice, get dressed and walk out on our own two feet or I throw you out. And you..." He sighs pointing at Clay "you need to man the fuck up and start getting your priorities right. You know Jason's right... you ain't no good to man nor beast let alone BRAVO while you behaving like some petulant man child. Sort yourself out Clay, cos I fa one am done feelin' sorry for yo ass!" he frowns staring directly at him "This lil boy and his Momma, needs you. C'mon on Champ, lets go find us some breakfast"

Sonny picks up the changing bag he readied earlier and checking Casey's strapped in, he wheels the stroller out of the door, slamming it shut behind them.

The apartment falls silent after Sonny's deafening angry speech.

Audrey looks around, she now questions Clay "So, do you really want me to go? Did last night mean nothing?"

Clay shuffles his feet awkwardly "I ..I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry. But.. last night shouldn't have happened. It meant nothing. I was drunk and it was just sex. Hell, I don't even remember most of it" He sighs. Perhaps these aren't the best choice of words but they are the truth "This is this all my fault and if there was any other way ... Audrey, I can't thank you enough for what you've done looking after Casey but last night... it was a mistake. Sonny's right you need to go"

"You regret it?" She smiles laughing "Well, I didn't see you regretting much last night. You know she won't make you happy. She can't. She is not satisfied with this life. Being a mother it's not her, if it was then why did she give up her baby and you to go back to her job. Allowing another woman to look after you while she is away for many months, I couldn't do it"

"Don't! Don't you dare put this on Kelsey or question her choices. This my fault. I caused this and I need to make it right"

"Clay you are a man. You have needs. You need sex and love, comfort and companionship. I can..."

"Yeah ... yeah I do. But I need them with Kelsey... not you. You were a mistake. Sonny was right a drunken fumble. I staked everything I love on that stupid mistake and I need to put it right now. I have let things slide. I need to get back in control."

"Well I hope she really does love you as much as you love her. She is a lucky lady even if she doesn't appreciate it" she sighs, swearing something in Spanish that he can't quite hear. Then she peels off Clay's shirt, throwing it at him in her fiery temper. Stood there nearly naked, she smiles before heading to her room to start packing.

_Fuck!_ Clay drops to the floor, hunched down. Then taking a breath he stands up, looking at the shirt in his hand, he walks to the kitchen and opening the trash can he throws it in.

Checking the calls on his phone, he sighs frowning. Unlike the rest of the week there are _no_ missed calls, and not even a message, from Kelsey today.


	45. You can do this.

There's a loud shrill sound as the whistle blows, swiftly followed by the booming sound of the Jason's voice cussing in the background. 

Everyone stops. Side eye glances passing between each other as no one dares speak. They stand still, watching as he comes storming, face like thunder, towards them.

He's straight up in Clay's face. Nose to nose, inches from each other "What the _FUCK _was that?!"

Clay swallows apologetically "Sorry, I ..."

"Sorry?!" Jason stands glaring, he doesn't say another word his eyes locked on Clay's face. Then taking a deep breath he turns on his heels "Do it again!"

_Oh man! _Sonny's head hangs, his heart dropping to the pit of his stomach as he groans under his breath. This is the sixth time they've run the exercise, he's tired, aching and if he's honest he's bored to death by it.

"You got a problem there Sonny?" Jason's head swivels, staring at him.

He sighs. Physically he shakes his head and what he wants to just say is no and move on to doing it again, but his patience has run out, so he opens his mouth with not the best of statements  
  
"Oh, c'mon Jason, give it a break man. Can't we just call it a day, go get some beers and relax. We can run it again in a couple of days when we get back from some R&R "

"That what you want?" Jason frowns turning to look at each one of them in turn. "You wanna quit? You all happy with that were you?" he sighs turning back to face Clay " Well tough! We're not going anywhere, not 'til Spenser here can get it right! And if that means we're here for the next two days, then so be it! I want, him to get his head out his ass and get it perfect or at very least hit something on target! Can you manage that?"

Ray shrugs as Sonny frowns looking at him willing him to speak up and get Jason to see sense. Ray won't. He knows the mood Jason's been in all day the last thing he should do is go up against him. Trent sighs under his breath giving a side glance to Metal and Brock rolls his eyes patting the dog.

"I _said_... run it again!... RESET!!"

There's a sudden busying around the ply-board building. All the _extras_ move back into their original positions.

"So.." he sighs looking at Clay "you think you can get it right this time? Hit your targets without getting half your team killed in the process? You actually gonna bring your head to the game this time?"

Clay bites his lip. He's pissed and angry at Jason. The constant berating, the targeting and highlighting his mistakes all day are just not improving the situation. He's tired and yeah, being honest, his minds not focused. He knows it and as Jason makes clear, so does he.

"Yeah!" He sighs under his breath, closing his eyes in frustration.

As he opens them, he's calmer and he furtively checks the time on his watch. He's worried because he was supposed to pick up Casey from Ash over an hour ago and even when he explained to Jason he wouldn't let him call his father, to explain. And now, still, unable to get this exercise right, it's delaying things longer. He sighs, shrugs and then shoulders his weapon, prepared to go again.

"_Yeah!_" Jason mocks his reply "You know what ..." he smiles "This is your fuck up...let's see you run your part again." He turns to the rest of the team watching as they prepare to restart "Take a load off!"

"What?" Clay frowns "I don't understand, you want me to run the exercise alone?"

"Yeah...that's what I said, you have a problem with that?" Jason smiles "Okay, listen up... " he claps his hands getting everyone attention "Let's set it up different this time" He walks to the back of the room, taking time to talk with the operator in charge of the _body extras._ Clay watching as they all now move around, changing positions.

"Alright so.. this time let's pretend it was for real and you did actually manage to get your team killed. They're all dead, through your lack of awareness, but ...there's still chance to grab the HVT and for you to get out of here" he pauses laughing " so ... let's see you go it alone and how much you wanna stay alive to get back home. C'mon Clay, let's see if you can concentrate long enough to do it"

Clay groans he looks over at Ray. He's tired and is thinking about objecting, but he just wants this over so he can go home to Casey.

Jason's hoping that maybe the extra pressure will unlock something in Clay's head and help him get it right this time.

_Fuck!_ Clay closes his eyes, struggling with his bubbling temper. Jason's pressing his buttons and he's seconds from losing it, but he knows that won't be the wisest of moves right now.

"Hold up!" a playful devilish grin breaks across Jason's face "Tell you what, let's make it a little more interestin, Sonny... you're up!" he smirks, he can tell he's getting to Clay, pushing his tolerance levels. He knows he's pressing him hard, but for the past two days Clay lax attitude has pissed him off to the limit of his patience.

Jason knows and accepted that Clay's mind has been elsewhere since Kelsey's accident but this week something is going on, something is making him, even, less focused. Clay's not said what, but Jason determined to get to the bottom of what's going on.

Unaware of the change in Clay's childcare situation he knows there's some problem. He overheard him talking to Ash about collecting Casey and he knows Naima had dropped the child off at the base. Something is out of kilter from where it was. If Clay won't volunteer the information then Jason will have to force him to fess up, one way or other he'll find out, even if that means pushing him to the brink of quitting.

"I said you're up Sonny!"

"What?" Sonny frowns, standing himself up from where he sat on the floor resting "I thought you just said Clay was doin' this alone?"

"Yeah I know what I said...but I changed my mind, I want you to play casualty!"

"What ?" Sonny turns his nose up, looking around at the others who are just as confused as he is.

"Yeah, Clay's gonna rescue you, grab the HVT and get you both out of here safely, aren't you Clay?"

Ray and Sonny look at each other "C'mon on brother" Ray frowns "You're asking the impossible. You want him to grab an HVT, alone, then haul ass out of here carrying Sonny.. no way man... "

Jason turns. He doesn't say a word just points and with one look Ray shrugs his shoulders and quietens.

The task just got one hundred percent harder. It's a step too far and now Clay won't stay quiet. "What the hell are you tryin' to do here Jason?" he sighs loudly. Lowering his weapon, he steps forward into Jason's personal space "Alright, what the hell do you want from me?"

"What do I want from you? I want you to get it right. I told you, I want this perfect for the cake eaters next week. So far... I don't even see fifty percent effort from you. So, either you up your game or you tell me what the hell's going on in your head. Cos right now, you're of no use to me... or this team!".

"Perfect?... Right!.." Clay laughs in Jason's face "Well nothing in life's perfect, especially not me" he rubs his head trying to keep his anger in control " Oh c'mon ... this... this is nigh on impossible .. it can't be done!"

"So that's what you're tellin' me, you can't do it? See, now I know something's wrong, because a while back... the Clay Spenser I know he wouldn't be arguing with me, he'd be proving me wrong, prove he could do it. But now _... it can't be done!_"

Clay has to bite his lip; all he can hear is Jason's semi mocking tone . His anger builds and he's close to lashing out. Wanting to smack Jason between the eyes as he stares intently at him.

Jason can see it, the rage, the fire burning inside him. He smiles. He knows it's not going to take too much more pushing before Clay spills over "You got somethin' to say there Spenser or are you gonna prove me wrong?"

Sonny drops his head. He too can see what's brewing. The tension is filling the room and he's willing Clay to stay in control, keep his mouth shut. He can't. It starts to unravel as Jason gives Clay a little shove with his hand.

Clay takes a moment, considering retaliating back. He doesn't, determined not to give Jason the satisfaction

"You know what... " he sighs "I'm done with this bullshit... I'm going to get a shower and pick up my son. We've got a flight to catch." He takes his helmet off and turns to leave before he does he takes a step back "You know, all I was asking was for you to cut me a little slack, just until we got back. But you can't even do that for me, can you?" He takes a breath, he's tired, so very tired and his head's in a mess. He hasn't slept and though he wants to, he can't cry. His head has so many thoughts going on but all he wants is to see his son and get to see Kelsey. Concentrating on _perfecting _ some war games display for cake eaters is not his priority right now. "I'm outta here!"

"Hey!... Hey dontcha walk away from me Clay.. you listening? You walk now, with no explanation, and you'll be outta here, permanently! Am I clear?" Jason berates him, grabbing his shoulder.

As he places his hand, Clay can't control it and lashes out. It's not exactly a punch, more just a hard shove, but it catches Jason off guard and in turn Jason swings out with his fist. It catches Clay square on the jaw sending him flying backwards on to the ground

"C'mon ... you want some?!" Jason glares at him.

"Woah!!... Woah there!" Sonny grabs at Clay as he gets to his feet. Ray and Metal both taking hold of Jason, slamming him back against the wall. Trent jumps between them both acting as referee to calm it all down.

"What the hell..." Sonny frowns as he stares Clay hard in the face " Go!... Go cool off. Go on." he points toward the exit "Clay you need to calm it down, so get out of here!"

Clay sighs, he picks up his helmet and gun looking first at Sonny then glaring over at Jason. He sighs dusting himself down and then turning around he strides away from the group.

Jason untangles himself from the hold Ray and Metals have on him "What the hell is his problem anyway?!"

Sonny knows he's gonna regret this, but he jumps to Clay's defense "Couldn't you just cut him a little slack like he asked, just for today!"

"What?!" Jason laughs "Why.. why would I do that Sonny? Why should I cut any of you any _slack_...Lindell wants this right for next week. _My _ass is on the line here Sonny...hell you should understand that and so...so should he! What, you'd rather I let him get away with those schoolboy errors, get his team killed. Yeah that's really gonna go down well next week. Whatever's going on with him, he's not up to the job and I want to know why"

"Jason , that's not fair. We all know this dumb paintball exercise, is not the real thing. You know as well as I do if was for real, then his head it would be there hundred and ten percent focused!"

"So, what is it Sonny, why can't he do that now? I'm asking him to step up so why can't he be the sailor you're talking about? _Hmmm?_ What the hell's going on with him?"

"Nothin' ..." Sonny sighs he desperately wants to tell him, all of them, what's happened with Clay, but he also knows the shame, and guilt, Clay's carrying and that he doesn't want anyone to know. That he wants to deal with this in his own way.

But truth is Sonny's not sure he can deal with it, not alone anyway. Jason's right, he's losing his focus, his perspective to make a good call. Sonny's hoping that seeing Kelsey, tomorrow, will cure it. That he can reset and put things right.

He takes a slow long breath, pulling his fingers through his hair. "I'm asking you Jay..." Rubbing his beard he looks up pleading " just give the kid a break."

Jason studies Sonny's face, watching him. Sonny unable to look at him "No! No, not good enough, I need to know why? Get him back!..... Set it up again!"

"What... me askin' you, that's not good enough reason? Me asking you a favor, for me...that's not good enough for you anymore?"

"But this is not about you, is it Sonny.... "

"Jay, please, he's just... just got a lot on his plate right now. Don't make this harder for him. Don't send him down a path he can't come back from"

"You know whats wrong with him, dontcha?" Jason smiles "So c'mon then, what's eatin' at his brain this time, making him lose focus What's making him a pick for this team?"

Sonny sighs he does know, what's wrong with Clay, after all he was there "Look, I can't say but ...please"

_Hmmm! _Jason sighs turning to look directly at Sonny, staring him in the eyes "You know this path he's going down, it's of his own makin'! So, okay...." Jason folds his arms, crossing them over his chest "You want me to cut him some slack, for you, then tell me, tell me what's goign on in my team that I don't know about"

"Jay I can't .. I can't cos it's not mine ta tell"

"Not yours to tell. You know his problems, they're my problems too, especially when they screw with this team. You want me to do you a favor, but you won't tell me the problem.... I said get him back!"

_Shit!..._ Sonny frowns as Jason walks away, indicating to the operations team to reset the room.

"I said get him back Sonny! I mean it. Right now, or he's gone!"

"Okay .. okay!" Sonny sighs loudly, closing his eyes, sorry for what he's about to do "He... he slept with the babysitter... Audrey, the au pair... he fucked her .. last week"

Jason stops where he is and turns on his heels to staring in shocked disbelief.

Ray, Trent and Full Metal look up from where they're sat on the floor_. Shit!_ There's a collective dumb founded gasp that fills the void in the game house. This is new news to all of them and takes everyone by surprise.

"What?!" Jason frowns " He slept with .....how the hell did that happen?

"Oh, I don't know exactly. We um...we went out.. too much tequila.. I don't know, I crashed when we got back .. but somehow, somethin' happened between them and ... well now, he um...he don' have no childcare, for the baby and...he's gonna have ta explain why shes gone. He's tryin to deal with the guilt that he's feelin right now. So, there you go... you wanted to know the problem... well there it is!"

_Shit!!_ Trent's sighs, he's the first to physically react. He looks up at Ray who's looking shocked.

"I don't get it.." Jason sighs, the news a complete shock. This really wasn't what he was expecting to hear "I mean, why the hell would he do that? Jesus Christ..." he sighs rubbing his hand over his head "I thought he was head over heels with this navy chick. I thought all this they'd been through, the baby an all... I though it's what he wanted. I mean for god sake, all that we went through when she left... now he does this?!"

"He was ... I mean he is, in love with Kelsey. He's messed up and he knows it. It was a drunken fuck, that's it. If anything, she encouraged him... Look, don't say anything alright, he wants to deal with it his way. Just let him get this trip outta the way"

"So where is she now, the hired help?"

"I told her to do one... it's no good her bein' around, all it'll do is make things worse. She um.. .she's still keen on him. She didn't quite see as the tequila fumble that Clay did" Sonny slumps to the floor, his head in his hands. He laughs. "He's gonna kill me for tellin ya.. you know that!"

_Shit!_ Jason puts his hand on his hip staring at the others of the team "How's he sorting the kid out, now?"

"Um... Ash, he's been havin' him, what he can.." he looks up and stares at Ray "gave Naima some story so she'd have him a couple of times"

"What?!" Ray frowns "You knew, and you didn't' say anything?"

"Look, he just needed a helpin' hand, to get him through, 'til he can sort somethin' more permanent. Oh ... this is my fault" Sonny sighs continuing to rub the dust from his hair "If I hadn't gone got him so drunk that night. I shoulda seen it comin', now I think back there were so many times I can see she made it obvious she was keen on him. I just .... _Shit!_ What a mess"

"So...what's he gonna do long term, now? I mean does he still wanna be with the Brit chick or ... is that done? Does she even know what's gone on?" He frowns. He's concerned by the fact that Clay didn't, wouldn't come to him with this. That when he had a major problem he wouldn't let the team help him. His pride making him cover it over, take all Jason's rants today, rather than admit what he'd done and ask his brothers for help.

"No...she doesn't know. I'm hopin' he keeps it that way. With her over there.. hopefully it'll be sorted before she's good to come back"

"Alright...." Jason sighs "let's call it for today. Get washed up and get outta here..... Pack it up guys!" he calls over his shoulder to the waiting support team. Rubbing his head, thinking things through "Sonny...you think seeing her, tomorrow, it'll fix things?".

"Well ..." Sonny shrugs. "can't see it can get any worse. Truth is I just don't know. It's the guilt, its eatin him up. But what she don't know.. can't hurt her, right? Guess we'll find out in a couple days"

"Okay.... Sonny, you still going' with him, to the UK?"

_Mmmm hmmm! _

"Alright well, just keep me in the loop this time. We need to keep on top of this. If he can't sort this mess out, get his head in the right place, then... we're probably gonna lose him from Bravo. I can't be affording to lose any of my team right now, especially not Lindell's star pupil. Don't you tell him I said that. Can't have him thinking I need him" he smiles

"I'll do what I can" Sonny smiles "Get him to keep it together"

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

Kelsey sighs, it's a loud anxious sound as she check the text again.

"So, what time are they arriving?" Alex frowns. He's stood quietly, watching her. He fills the whole doorway his hands stretched over his head clinging to the top of the frame " That Clay, right? Does he say what time they are getting here?"

_Mmmm hmmm!_ "Yeah.. yeah it's Clay. They saying ETA about 10:00 hours. Their flight arrived on time and he says they're making good progress." She looks at her watch "Guess I should start to get dressed. The rate I move these days..." she smiles "they'll be here before I'm done"

_Mmmm!_ Alex frowns, he's not moved, just holding the door still staring at her "You sure you're okay? You know, I thought you'd be a little more excited by now"

"Yeah I'm fine. And of course, I'm excited, why wouldn't I be? I'm seeing Casey I can't wait"

"Casey! Just Casey?...and what about Clay, you excited about seeing him too? I mean, you might actually get some... you know, tonight?" he winks and laughs.

She attempts to smiles but really doesn't respond to his teasing in the way she normally would. "Alex stop it! You know...I've been thinking, they might be better staying at the flat instead of trying to squash in here. I mean the baby stuffs still there, that travel cots not ideal and .. "  
  
"Hey... " he frowns "what's this about? You don't want Casey to stay here? C'mon Kelsey what's wrong?" he continues to look with concern "Please tell me this is not still about that stupid idea you have about Audrey, is it ?"

"No..." she takes a breath looking up at him from where she's sat on the edge of the bed "No of course not. I just...." she shrugs "there's more room for them there and with my leg it'll be cramped in here"

"Right, but Clay stayed when you came out of hospital, there was no problems then and to be honest I think it would be better for you, if Casey stayed here for the night. Kels... you're only going to see him for a day and a bit before they have to go back, make the most of it. C'mon, I'll set the travel cot up in the lounge. Clay can sleep on the pull-out bed in there with him. Sonny can take the spare bedroom"

"Okay..." she nods "yeah that sounds good."

"Right .." he smiles "first let's get this leg back up here on the bed. You're supposed to keep it elevated not dangling over the side" he takes her foot in his hand and swivels her back around to lying flat on the bed "And now I'll find you some clothes, what do you want to wear?"

" I don't mind, you choose"

"Hey, c'mon .." he frowns watching her "what's going on? I thought you'd got past all this feeling sorry for yourself. You've done so well this week, getting dressed every day, attending physio ... are you okay?"

"I don't know, I just feel a little out of sorts today, I've got a bit of stomach-ache, I'm sure I'll be fine. Like you say, I should get dressed."

"Okay so ... blue or pink?" he holds up the two T- shirts on their hangers.

"Um.... blue and those black shorts. Oh, and I need some clean underwear" she smiles as he goes to the dresser.

Alex rummages in the drawer before he holds up a pair of black lacy knickers

"These?" he grins, smiling at her "Guess I'd better not let Clay see me with my hands on your undies" he laughs. The joke falls flat, her face remain expressionless "Sorry. I didn't mean that, it was a joke" he frowns as she sits there not responding "Oh c'mon Kelsey, normally you'd laugh. What the hell's the matter with you?"

"I don't know, I told you I feel a bit under the weather."

She grimaces in pain as he moves around on the bed. The pain in her hip shoots down the side of her leg._ Awww! _

"You okay?"

_Mmmm! _"Just a little stiff. I'll be glad to get his cast off my arm this week, for sure"

"Yeah, it'll help. Be easier for you to move around" he smiles "Alright, what do you want to put on first?"

"Um...T- shirt, I think"

"You want a bra?"

"No, no shirt is fine" She smiles at him, unzipping her hoodie. As Alex leans over the bed the tee shirt in his hand. He looks at her, sat there, zip undone her bare flesh beneath it exposed but Alex barely looks at her now, so used to it every day.

"Alex... " She smiles watching him. "I wanted to say something. Thank you, for everything that you've done, helping me the past couple of weeks. I couldn't have got through this without you. You've are a really good friend, even when I haven't deserved one. I mean I know what an arsey bitch I've been. But that's going to change. I'm going to get on top of this and sort myself out. Whatever happens now, I just wanted you to know that."

"Kelsey, what the hell are you going on about? " he kisses her cheek "Stop all this emotional guff and just get fucking dressed. God go on, more than my unit when I give them extra laps at training" he laughs, stroking his hand gently on the side of her face.

"Yes sir!" She smiles. She fully unzips the hoodie she sleeps in, taking it off.

Totally naked underneath, she puts her arms in the air and Alex slides the fabric shirt over her head, rolling it, skillfully, down her body. His hand softly stroking her side, his touch making her smile. Both comfortable with the routine they have now.

"Okay, clean knickers!"

He throws the black lacy pair, he picked, at her. She frowns, cocking her eyebrow at his choice. "Yeah well I need the bathroom, ...I'll change them in there. If you give me those shorts as well, I can get them on too"

Sitting on the bed, facing him, he then places his hands around her back under her arms. Steadying himself, he readies to lift her to her feet.

Gently and carefully they move, the way the physio showed them. Balancing her discomfort with the stress on his knee. She takes strain on her good leg and then Alex passes her the crutch for support. They then do this weird shuffle like walk towards the bathroom.

_Mmmm!_ She groans again in pain. The hurt griping up and down the side of leg. It hurts a lot less now than it has but it still hurts, a lot, when she moves.

Still moaning she lowers her onto the toilet seat and Alex leaves her alone. Standing in the hallway, he waits outside the bathroom "Just call me if you need me!"

"Will do!" One handed she peels her knickers down her legs. She frowns. _Oh shit!_ "No!" she sighs. Rubbing her head as she realises, for the first time since she had Casey, her period has started. _Fuck! Not what I needed today! _"Alex..." she call out through the door " .. can you go to the bottom drawer of the dresser, there's um...well some things I need in there"?

Alex frowns he's slightly confused but he does as he's asked. Pull the drawer open, he sees the new packet of sanitary towels and takes them out then heads back to the bathroom.

Holding the door just ajar he hands them to her "These what you wanted?"

Mmmm hmm! "Yeah.. thanks", she sighs out loud, looking up as he smiles sympathetically

"I didn't realise you had started again" he shrugs

"Looks like it! I guess everything's getting back to normal, just like it was, before I had a baby"

"Can you manage?" he frowns watching her. Though he doesn't really understand why he can tell that she looks upset.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. I can sort myself out. Just give me a minute, I'll be right out"

She sits just staring at the packaging in her hand. It feels odd after all this time, like it's the end of something.

_Shit! _she takes a breath, lost in her thoughts, she jolts back to reality at the sound of the doorbell

"Sorry..." Alex opens the bathroom door again "looks like they're here. I'll um.... get the door." he smiles "Just take your time to sort yourself out"

"Thanks!"

Now stood at the sink, using it to hold herself up, she takes a long, deep intake of breath as she looks at herself in the mirror.

She listens, hearing the sound of voices outside the door in the hallway. First she can hear Alex talking, followed by what sounds like Clay's voice and then the obvious smoother tones of Sonny's heavy Texan drawl.

Her stomach churns, with knotted tension inside. She still feels slightly unwell, the period explains some of that. The rest is nerves, she can feel them, her hands are shaking. Then she smiles, staring in the mirror again as she can hear the sound of a baby giggling with laughter. "Casey!" she sighs. Then again she hears Clay's voice, talking more loudly now. It actually sounds like he's arguing with Alex and she closes her eyes and sighs.

_Okay! You can do this! _She takes another deep breath in _Time to get it together, girl! You need to deal with this!_


	46. She's made up her mind

Alex twists the lock and opens the door. Stepping back, he smiles welcoming Clay, followed by Sonny, into the hallway of his house.

"You made good time. How was the flight?"

“It was fine, apart from this one, he was a little unsettled” Clay smiles looking at Casey. He's now settled and sleeping contentedly in his travel seat which is carried by Sonny “But we’re here, so no worries.”

“Hey…” Sonny nods acknowledging Alex “how ya doin'? ...Nice place you got here.”

"Thanks!" Alex smiles, apprehensively. He can already feel a simmering tension between them and he'd admit, under normal circumstances, neither of these two would be his first choice in house guest. Despite his concerns he still manages, for now, to be courtesy and polite.

“So, where’s Kelsey, I thought she’d be waiting. Is she through here?” Clay steps towards the room they made for her bedroom when she came out of hospital .

"No..." Alex puts his hand against his chest, stopping him “ she’s just getting dressed in the bathroom” The ingrained officer in him takes control but his strong stance only serves to heighten the atmosphere between the pair.

“She’s alright though?" Clay frowns "I haven’t really heard much from her all week, although we’ve been wrapped up in this damn training exercise, right Sonny?” He smiles. Oddly something about Alex makes him nervous and he wipes his palms on the side of his jeans, they’re hot and clammy, maybe a reaction to his guilt-laden anxiety.

“Yes, actually she’s been pretty good. Seems to have pulled herself around this week. I think the thought of seeing Casey made her feel better. Look, how about I make some tea while we wait. Why don't you come through to the lounge.” Alex smiles, pointing Sonny in the direction of the large room at the back of the house “I've put a rug down for the baby and there are some toys in there. We got a travel cot for him to sleep in, I thought you ..” he looks at Clay “you could take the pull-out bed”

Clay frowns, he’s not really sure what he means by that but he’s not going to get into a discussion right now, not until he’s seen Kelsey. He places his hand against the door of the downstairs shower room “I’ll just say hello first”

“No!" Alex snaps dismissively "I said leave her. Give her a few minutes privacy ”

“Yeah but she won't mind, she’ ll be happy to see me” Clay’s nervously excited, and pushes against Alex’s arm trying to force entry.

“And I said... leave her!”

This now becomes a battle of egos and Clay, tired from the flight, is already becoming annoying with the way Alex wants to order him around. Just another person this week trying to assert their authority over him.

“And I said, she won't mind. You know, I don’t think there’s much I haven’t seen. I'd just like a few minutes, in private, to say Hi!”

Alex moves his body and physically blocks the doorway “And I still said, leave her!”

“Oh, and what you says goes, is that right? Alex, why are you being such an asshole already?”

“I didn’t know I was. Maybe it's your attitude that makes me one.” exasperated he sighs “ Look Clay, you might want to fight but I’m not going to. All I’m saying is give her a minute to get dressed”

“Oh, well it’s so good you don't wanna fight, because we both know you won't win that!” Clay smiles smugly. He takes a breath, puffing his chest staring him directly in the face.

“Oh c’mon, don’t be stupid Clay! Jesus... not five minutes through the door and already with the cocky attitude. You know I don’t understand how your Master chief puts up with it. I'd have you cleaning the toilet block all week if you were in my unit.” He frowns as they continue to stare at each other “Now, I said… leave her. Give her some privacy”

“What from? " Clay laughs indignant "From you maybe! You know the sooner I get her home, away from here, the better I’ll feel”

"What?!..." Alex rises to the bait but before he can reply Sonny makes an intervention

“Um.. ‘scuse me guys but can we not do this right now!” he sighs loudly, shaking his head. Annoyed by the incessant bickering between them. “You know Casey…your son, well he could do with a feed and a lil lie down to nap. Besides …my arms killin from holdin this damn travel seat while you two do my_ balls are bigger than yours._ You know take a load off. And Clay, just get ya ass through there, stop bein' so stoopid!”

“You know Sonny…” Alex takes the travel seat and heads through to the back room. “that's the most grown up idea I’ve heard today. So why don’t you be a good boy and go through”

"You arrogant ass...."

Clay's about to lose it and again Sonny intervenes, shoving Clay against the wall “Hey what the hell's wrong with you? Just calm down, alright. Clay, you got enough problems as it is without causin’ more with Mr perfect in there. So just cool it!”

_Urggghh! “_I know Sonny but he… he just winds me up!”

“Yeah I know, but ya’ll need to be on best behaviour right now. He gets wind of what’s happened and you gonna have a lotta suckin’ up to do. You need to keep him on side right now, so, just play it cool. C’mon Clay you can do this. Don’t give that asshole what he wants”

“You know I still think I’m just gonna say hi…I don’t want her thinking I was ignoring her when we arrived. Besides I feel sick with nerves and just wanna get it over”

_Hmmm! _Sonny sighs, nodding his head "But don't do nothin' stoopid alright. Just keep it calm and stay off the damn subject of you know who. You need to play this careful, like we talked about"

"Okay... I know " Clay sighs, placing his hand to the door he pushes it slightly open. As he does Kelsey slams it shut from inside _What the…_ Clay steps back in surprise “Kelsey… it’s me! Clay. We just arrived, can I come in?”

“Um… no. No! Just give me a minute please. I’m just getting dressed”

“Yeah I know but can I come in; you know …" he grins to himself, thinking about their last time locked in that bathroom “I could um... give you a hand”

“No, it’s okay. Really, I’m fine, I can manage.... thanks! I’ll be out in just a minute” She sighs, nervous with apprehension about seeing him. She takes a moment, staring at her reflection in the mirror on the wall, getting herself prepared to face him.

“Damn you Clay, I told you …” Alex is back in the hallway “give her some privacy!”

“She doesn’t need privacy, from me. You seem to have forgotten_ I am_ her boyfriend.”

“Yeah, well I’m glad that _you_ remember that!” Alex sneers at him “If you really must know why, she just got her period and I think it’s the first since she had Casey so, I think she might appreciate some time alone”

“_Oh shit! _Look I didn’t know… she’s okay though?" he sighs feeling foolish now for pushing the issue. He's also peeved that Alex knows such intimate information, things he didn't, things they hadn’t talked about.

As they stand in an awkward stare-off Kelsey opens the door. She’s dressed, black shorts, the only things she can get over the cast on her leg, and the blue tee shirt that Alex helped her with earlier.

“Hey you .." Clay smiles " you look great! How are you?" he leans in kissing her gently on the lips "I missed you!”

_Hmm! _She sighs, forcing a smile “Did I hear you two fighting already?” she frowns questioning the both of them. "Please I don't need that for the next two days"

“No... no everything’s fine. We're fine.” He looks around at Alex and frowns “Look come... I brought you a visitor”

She smiles, her heart beating so fast with excitement as she realises she’s moments from seeing her baby.

“You okay?” Alex frowns, despite her outward smiles he can see the apprehension etched in her face, the flinch when Clay kisses her, the recoil from his touch.

“Yeah... yeah I’m fine. Come on lets go through" She limps from the doorway and then using the walls of the hallway for balance, she holds herself up.

Clay sighs as he realises she’s hardly acknowledged him and despite him offering to help her she refuses and struggles determinedly to the lounge doorway. Then propping herself against the frame she looks at the scene in the lounge. Sonny's laid on the floor playing with Casey.

“Oh my god!! Casey!!!” she gasps, her heart leaps, pounding hard in her chest and a solitary tear rolls down he cheek “Oh, my baby!!..” she smiles, the beam from her grin lighting up her whole face.

“Hey Casey..” Sonny smiles, picking him up. He's thinking how nice it is to see her look so happy “Look champ there's yaw Mommy... oh sorry um .. _Mu..mmy_” he frowns, grappling with the pronunciation that Clay’s been reminding him to try. “Oh hell.... sorry I tried" He laughs "Guess Texan don’t go right well with British words”

“It’s fine Sonny” she smiles hearing the attempt he made. She's just overwhelmed with emotion as Casey looks up at her.

In her excitement to see him she almost forgets for a moment about the plaster on her leg and stepping forward she stumbles. Alex anticipates her move, catching his arm around her waist before she falls.

“Woah there! Steady! Kelsey, take it slow. Let’s get you sat down” he leads her toward the couch “Sonny you wanna give us a hand, here”

“Sure, thing!" Moving the cushions around they sit her down so she's comfortable and then pushing the footstool in place, he lifts her leg, placing it down to give it more support. “You need to keep it elevated, like I told you earlier”

“Yes sir!” she smiles

It rankles with Clay, seeing him take care of everything. He feels ignored and side lined. Sonny can tell he's not happy and again, with a direct and hard stare, he warns him against antagonizing the situation. Then Clay scoops Casey up from the floor and smiling he places him into her arms. Laying against her chest so she can wrap her, one functioning, arm around him.

“You got him. Watch him cos he’s a wriggler now”

"Yeah… yeah I’ve got him..... Hey baby boy, Mummy’s got you!"

“See sounds so much better when you say it” Sonny laughs. His face drops as she immediately bursts out crying, tears streaming down her cheek. “Oh, hell...I’m sorry, I didn’t mean ta make ya cry… you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Oh god! I said I wasn’t going to cry but I’m just so happy to be holding him. I never thought I was going to get to do this again!"

“Hey..” Clay perches himself on the arm of the couch as he wipes away her tears and kisses her cheek. “Why the hell would you think that?"

“It doesn’t matter. I’m just happy to have him in my arms after all this time”

They all smile, watching as she clutches tightly to the baby, kissing his head as he wriggles against her. She finds it a little difficult, with only the one arm to balance and hold him but she places her head against his softness, taking a deep sniff of his scent. Then she can't help it, despite a determination not to, she starts to quietly sob.

Alex stands in the doorway watching her. He can see the torn anguish in her expression as Clay strokes her hair “Hey, Lieutenant ..." he laughs, smiling at her "you need to man up! And they better bloody well be happy tears?”

She nods unable to form words, so overcome with emotions. She'd done so well this week to get herself back in control but now, as her throat swells with emotion, she struggles to hold it together.

Clay looks up and she forces a smile. For reasons, he can’t understand, something feels out of place. He feels uncomfortable, unsure how to react around her. Trying to be affectionate and yet there still seems this strange distance between them and he wonders if it might be his feelings of guilt holding him back. He's so torn apart by what he’s done and now he wonders if he should like Sonny told him keep quiet about what went on or be honest and devastate her with the truth.

“So ....how are you then?" he frowns questioning "Alex said you've felt better this week?”

_Mmmm_ “Yeah, I'm good thanks"

“You know Kelsey, I missed you... so much!"

_Mmmm hmm!_ “ Me too!”

Now he knows there's definitely something wrong, she's so very reserved with her replies. "You sure you're okay, only you seem a little distance. Are you tired? Do you wanna go lay down? I'm okay with it if you do.”

“No! I’m fine, really. In fact, I’m trying to stay out of bed more now, and this week I've been doing more things for myself " she smiles looking as Casey moves against her “Oh baby, I can't believe how you’ve grown. It feels like forever since I've seen you. Alex, look how big he is now!” She struggles with holding him as he constantly fidgets in her arms.

"Yeah he really is growing quickly from the last time I saw him. Look err.... I'll makes some tea; do you have a bottle for him?” he frowns staring at Clay

“Oh .. yeah it's in the travel bag, I'll get it. I left it by the door when we arrived"

Sonny lays quiet, he doesn't move and Kelsey frowns watching him "Is he asleep?" She smiles realizing he actually is.

"Yeah..." Clay smiles " looks like it!”

Sonny's exhausted from the training and then all the traveling to get here and now is, indeed, asleep on the floor. Kelsey smiles, continuing to watch him. Relaxed and contented with her baby at long last in her arms.

Clay disappears to get the bag from near the door, they dumped their belongings when they arrived. He then heads into the kitchen so he can warm it.

Alex flicks the switch for the kettle, while Clay unpacks Casey’s things from the bag, then as he turns around about to speak he notices Alex, quietly, closing the kitchen door shutting the pair of them off from the rest of the house.

Then, before Clay can say a word, Alex takes a hold of him by the collar and slams him against the back of that closed door "We need to talk!"

“What the hell do you think you're doing?” Clay frowns shoving him backwards “Get your hands off me! Who the fuck do you think you are? You know, you need to stop ordering me around, you are nothing to me! Anyway... what the hell would I wanna talk to you about?”

“You ask _me _what _I’m_ doing?" Alex smiles " Wow! That’s rich coming from you” He stands staring at him, his eyes questioning, watching the expression on his face as it changes “I have a question, and I want the truth!" Letting Clay go, he steps back, folding his arms as he continues to stare intently, watching for any physical signs of nerves or some little unconscious shift in his behavior “Did you sleep with Audrey?”

The questions is blunt and straightforward, there's no room for misinterpretation. Just a cold, hard, direct question. Clay swallows nervously considering the only two options he can answer. Deny and hope Alex can’t tell he’s lying or.... confess.

His doubts surface. Alex wouldn't have asked the question if he didn't already know the answer, would he? Could Clay really play the game well enough to fool him. Clay now the hostage to Alex’s interrogator. He also knows the high stakes he's risking if he lies and is found out. Alex wins. And if he tells the truth about what happened. Alex wins. Either way Clay knows that Alex will tell Kelsey.

“What ?” he flusters, frowning as he tries to stall his answer. Hoping, just maybe, Alex will say _no sorry my mistake_ “What the hell’re you talking about?”

He twitches anxiously and Alex can see it “I want to know did you fuck your babysitter?!" he smiles "Naima told me she quit. Just upped and left she said, that true? You know... I'm guessing something happened to make her do that and the... _only..._ thing I can think is you slept with her!"

“You spoke to Naima?” he frowns “Why.. why would you do that?”

“Oh, I didn't phone her specifically about you, no I was checking in on her and Ray. Ray and I talk occasionally, he wasn’t there so I talked to his wife. She um... she told me she was looking after Casey that day and when I asked her why, she said because Audrey quit. So that made me more curious .. because... I don't remember you telling Kelsey she quit. I mean she certainly didn't mention it to me. And I’d have thought, something as important as the fact you have no childcare, you would have let her know. Unless.....well unless you have a reason to hide it. Do you?"

“You been checking up on me with Naima and Ray? What the hell business is it of yours anyway?” Clay frowns annoyed that Alex has gone behind his back.

“No, you're right, your childcare issues are not my business, but Kelsey is. So why did Audrey quit?”

“You know I’ll speak to Kelsey about this, not you!”

Alex sighs loudly, using his hand he pushes Clay back, holding him against the door “I’m asking you, why did she quit her job?”

Eye to eye Clay doesn’t like his questioning but he knows he’s going to have to tell him something “She ....she got another employment offer and it was an immediate start .... something she applied for a while back and so, she had to take it immediately ”

Alex smiles smugly listening to him “That’s bullshit! Clay stop lying. I want you to tell me the real reason she left." he stares, waiting for an answer. It doesn't come "No?.. Okay well I’ll tell you my theory. I think she quit because you got over friendly in the bedroom and then when you realised you’d get found out. She had to go. ...am I close?”

“Look this is nothing to do with you, so just back the hell off!” Clay's angry, his secret is out, and he kicks back about the interference. Shoving hard he forces Alex away.

“Oh my god! She was right. You _did_ sleep with her” he sighs “_Fuck!_ You know I thought for sure she had it wrong but she kept insisting. I just thought she was tired, reading too much into the situation or mis-heard, but you really did it. You fucking arsehole!” Alex sneers. His look is almost one of pity and it stings that Alex now has the upper hand. “How the hell could you do that to her? You know I should take your _fucking_ head off right now” His anger bubbles and he has to step away, afraid he might actually lose control. Pulling his hands through the front of his hair. “You’ve really fucked up this time… you know that?”

“Yeah I know!” Clay's head drops. Bowing, he stands quiet. All he can do is take, on the chin, every word that Alex says to him. The truth hits harder than any fist ever could do, and he bites his lip hesitating before he answers “ You have to believe me.... I didn’t mean for it to happen. I was drunk, really drunk. It wasn’t like we planned it, well I didn’t.” he slinks backwards, rubbing his hand over his face “So, are you saying Kelsey knows?”

“Oh yeah, she knows. Well...she suspects. _Fuck!!!”_ He sighs loudly “Why the hell did you have to do this? Couldn’t you just do what normal guys do and find some other way to satisfy an urge” he shakes his head in disbelief thinking through the consequences of what's happened “Jesus Clay… she really doesn’t need this right now”

“I know… I know, okay and I’m gonna fix it. I’m gonna tell her how sorry I am” he sighs then as he thinks, his face furrows “But how the hell did she find out? Did Audrey tell her?"

“No. She saw you, on the video call. She heard her, _come back to bed Clay! _She said she was wearing _your _tee shirt?!"

"Kelsey saw that?"

"Clay, she might have a broken leg but she’s not stupid”

“Okay....well…. we don’t have to tell her, that she’s right. I mean we could still say she’s mistaken. I could …”

“Oh, shut the hell up! I said she's not stupid. She’s gonna tell the minute you open your mouth, because it’s so fucking obvious! Why do you think I questioned it? Because I could see the way you were being around her. Acting all shifty and guilty like.” He sighs more loudly “You know you’re gonna pay for this because she won' t for give you”

“She will.. she will forgive me. She has to. I’ll explain... I’ll tell her it was just a drunken mistake, a... a stupid, drunken mistake. It didn’t mean anything"

“And you think that will fix it? You think that will make it forgotten Don’t be ridiculous" Alex laughs

“Oh yeah... I knew you'd find it funny. I should've have guessed. Bet you’ve been hoping for something like this, it fits your plan to get her to stay here doesn’t it? Oh, you’re loving it"

“_Loving it?_" Alex steps forward, inches from Clay's face "What the fuck!! Are you serious! You couldn’t be more wrong, you really think I want to see her hurt like this. What this will do to her...to Casey. You just blew her fucking world up and you think I’d find that funny?” Alex shoves him hard in the chest again, and then again, over and over “You are such a _fucking _arsehole. God knows what she ever saw in you. I knew you’d do something like this."

“You’re making it sound like I planned it, like I ... I chose to do it!"  
  
"Well didn’t you... make a choice? Seems like you made the choice to me”

“ I was drunk.. I told you”

“Right… and you can’t control yourself when you’re drunk? A trained Tier one operator... doesn't know what he's doing when he's drunk?" Alex sighs “Wow ... your team leader must be so proud! He needs a long hard look at his team then. So what, she led you astray, right? Tempted you and you couldn’t resist. Clay you can make as many excuses as you want, but we both know you fucked her because you wanted to!”

"No...no it’s not like that. It just happened and anyway don’t you go moralizing. I remember perfectly well you trying it on, and Kelsey didn’t exactly back away"

“Don’t!!!” Alex shoves him really hard now, clenching his fist he struggles for control “Don’t you dare put this back on her! This is not her fault, this is _all_ on you So, don’t even fucking go there with that!”

“NO!" Clay sighs, "No, I’m sorry I shouldn't have said that. I know.... I know I did this and that's why I’ll fix it”  
  
“Well good luck with that because I don’t think you will” Alex frowns watching him, almost feeling sorry for him “Remember when we first met.... I told you then you’d fuck up and I also told you I'd be waiting. Well here I am!”

“You asshole… “Clay shoves hard, pushing Alex back across the kitchen, sending the cups he set out for tea flying from the countertop to the floor, with a loud bang and clatter. But just before he's able to raise his fist and strike, Sonny's at the doorway. The noise from their raised voices got his attention and he’s stood with Casey in his arms watching them

“What the hell’s goin’ on here?” he frowns “Can’t leave you twos together for five minutes without you startin’ some dumb row?”

“Sorry…” Clay drops his head but Sonny's wanting more of an explanation.

“Oh, Sonny you missed it" Alex smiles smugly "It's confession time. Clay telling me how he, literally, managed to _screw _up his childcare arrangement”

_Shit! _Sonny takes a breath, looking at Clay “He knows?"

"Yeah..." Clay nods solemnly “and according to him, so does Kelsey"

"Oh, Jesus man! You need to fix this ...and fast! But first, you need to give me that bottle for him, he’s hungry"

"I’ll talk to her, I'll explain!"

"NO… " Sonny pushes him back inside the kitchen "No, you’ ll give your son his bottle. She's um... she's fell asleep. Just leave her be for now”

Clay nods looking at the pair of them and then he takes the bottle from the microwave, testing it. With Casey held close against him, he heads back to the lounge.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

The three men are all silent as Alex places the cups down on the table and then gently wakes Kelsey from her deep sleep “You okay there?”

_Mmmm!_ She groans as she wakes "Oh sorry, did I fall asleep? Those damn painkillers. They knock me out” she sighs “I am trying to cut them down but.. " she smiles looking over at Casey in Clay’s arms "Hey baby..."

“You wanna feed him?” Clay smiles, switching his glance furtively between Alex and her

“Oh yeah... sure, please. Yeah, I’d like that”

Clay brings him over, placing him gently in the crook of her arm. She frowns, shifting position, awkwardly dithering about how to hold him and his bottle at the same time. Finally settling she smiles. He's hungry and greedily takes the milk.

“Hey.. slow down there little man” He smiles at the sound of her voice talking to him. The she tries, frustrated, to sit upright “This is a little more difficult than I thought”

As no one responds she looks up, noticing the guys exchanging curious looks with each other “What?” she frowns questioning them “Okay, seriously, what's going on?”

“Nothing .” Clay smiles “Everything’s fine. Don’t worry” he kisses the top of her head “You just relax there”

“So…” Sonny looks at Alex, quickly diverting the subject of conversation “that um .. there beef you got in the kitchen, you’ all thinkin’ of doin’ that for dinner maybe? Cos I could give ya some Texan advice on what to do with the meat. Could leave these two alone.... ta talk maybe”

“Oh, yes. Good idea. Why not”

Kelsey’s apprehensive. Unsure that being alone with Clay, _to talk,_ is something she wants to contemplate right now “You know I need the bathroom ..” she takes the bottle from Casey’s mouth handing him forwards “Clay can you take him, finish his feed. Alex, will you give me a hand”

“Sure” he frowns. He suspects she’s doing it to avoid the situation, putting it off so she doesn’t have to talk with Clay and discuss what's happened.

Clay can do nothing but watch, disapproving as Alex is the one she asks for help. He is, however, relieved that they don't have to talk right now.

**o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o**

_Mmmm! _Sonny smiles placing his hand to his stomach as pushes his plate forward across the table “ Well, I gotta say Alex, that was a damn fine meal. Clay sure weren’t wrong when he said ya could cook n all!”

“Thank you. Nice to know there's something's I do that Clay approves of. Would hate to disappoint him. I know he has high standards” he smiles sarcastically.

“Alex! ..” Kelsey frowns, her look warning him to back off “Sonny's right that was great, thank you, both of you” she smiles at Sonny across the table. “You know I would offer to do the dishes but…” she grins holding up her bandaged arm “Sorry!”

“Oh yeah typical you get out of the dirty work!” Alex laughs as he collects up the dirty plates from in front of her.

“So, I guess you have to do all the cookin right now too?” Sonny asks

“Yeah and to be honest I wouldn’t have it any other way! Have you ever tasted her cooking?”

“Oh, you’re so funny” she laughs “Anyway.. I’ve never said cooking was one of my skills. I have plenty of other talents” 

Sonny doesn’t think as he carries on the conversation and before he can take it back the words just flow out “You know Audrey was a damn fine cook she used to make these pancakes we’d have for breakfast each day…” His voices trails away as he gasps realizing with horror the error of his mistake. He looks up and around the room which is now awkwardly silent. The elephant they’d been avoiding surfaces.

Kelsey contains her simmering bitterness, twisting her glass of water around in her hand “Yeah well I hear she better at a lot of things than me” she bites her lip, and takes a deep breath “You know Alex, I’ll have a glass of that wine if you don’t mind”

“Um…sure” he frowns, eyes fixed on her as he picks up the bottle filling the spare glass with red wine.

Clay sighs he knows he has to say something “Kelsey can we talk?"

"You know, I think I might have a lay down.. we can talk later."

"Kelsey please… look could you two give us some space?"

"Clay we don’t need to do this right now. We’re just enjoying dinner so don’t spoil it"

"No! No I need to talk to you, and it can’t wait any longer"

She takes deep breath and then a large sip of the wine. _Urggghh!_ “Oh, I forgot what that tastes like" she smiles at Alex “It’s so long since I've had a drink”

“Yeah well just steady, remember you had those pain killers” Alex frowns he can she the apprehensive tension written on her face. He knows they need to talk, but he’s not sure if she’s ready. “Sonny.... why don’t you give me a hand with these dishes. Then you can go and check on Casey make sure he’s still asleep”

“Oh um… yeah, yeah sure thing”

The room falls silent. Clay staring at her across the table. Reaching his hand out he takes hold of hers “Kelsey… I .”

She pulls it away from his grasp, staring at the wine in the glass. There's a dramatic pause and then she just asks it. “Did you sleep with her?”

Her question is blunt, concise and direct to the point. She looks up from the table and stares him full in the face. “What?” He frowns, swallowing nervously.

“Seriously!...” she sighs “I said... did you sleep with her? Yes or no, Clay.”

“Kelsey, look please, you need to let me explain it wasn’t like that …”

“Yes or no?!” She demands. Taking takes a deep breath. Not a flicker of emotion on her face as she stares at him. “It’s an easy question, so just tell me”

He’s unable to look at her, hesitating awkwardly. As he thinks about the explanation. He readies to reply if only she’ll give him a chance.

The seconds tick by for what feels like an hour, it's minutes. Both of them silent as they just sit and stare at each other. Finally, he can’t defer, and he’s forced to answer.

“Yeah…” he nods “yeah I did! But please Kelsey…”

“No!” She gasps holding her hand up, stopping his words and forcing him to silence “No, don’t you dare give me some bullshit excuses now!” She feels the tears building and as they simmer she remains determined not to cry. To hold in all of her anger, storing it at the back of her throat. Quickly wiping away the only solitary tear from her face as it tries to escape. “Why Clay? Why would you do this? Why would sleep with the woman who looks after our child.”

“Kelsey please don’t do this” he frowns watching the pitiful look on her face, it breaks his heart “I don’t know… I guess I was drunk. I have to tell you , it was a mistake a big, huge mistake and I never did it to hurt you”

_Huh!! _She laughs. “But you did, didn’t you? Hurt me I mean. This … this really hurts!”

“God, I never meant to and if I could take it back I would. You have to believe that”

“What because you got caught, you mean? So, was it the first time or have you done it before, with her?”

“No! Oh god no! I told you I was drunk she came on to me and… it just happened. I am so, so sorry!”

“She came on to you?” She scoffs “And what… you couldn’t say no? She forced you, you had no control, is that what you’re saying? That you really didn’t want to, but she ….” She takes breath, getting a control over her tearful emotions.

“No.. no, I didn’t want to, well what I mean is .. I know I did but, I was drunk, I wasn’t thinking”

“You weren’t thinking, what about me or, about Casey?! Oh God why did it have to be her. She was in our home Clay, with our son!” She’s unable to hold back now and the tears start to flow down her cheeks.

“Kelsey please don’t cry. I’m gonna fix this. We can get passed it, make it good again. You have to know; she means nothing to me. She’s gone now. Sonny told her to go!”

“Sonny?! Sonny told her to go … oh my god! What you couldn’t? Oh shit...does the rest of the team know? oh god yeah...yeah I bet they do, of course they do. Having a good laugh at my expense, right”

“Kelsey....No.. no.. only Sonny knows, oh and Ash. I had to tell him, I needed him to look after Casey. But that wasn’t an easy conversation let me tell you”

“Yeah what your dad.... what he proud of you? You know .. it’s what Seals do right?"

“No… no Ash gave me hell! Believe me having to take that look of disapproval from him… it wasn’t pretty!”

_Hmmmm!_ She laughs “Well that’s something I suppose.” She takes a deep breath “Did you think about it? I mean that night, did you think about doing it with her?”

“What? Kelsey no… no of course not. It was like that it was just a spur of the moment thing. C’mon don’t do this”

“So, you didn’t think she was attractive. I mean, you never looked at her and thought oh she’s pretty hot, I mean she is right, I’ve seen her. Most guys would find her attractive, so why not you!”

“No…” he hesitates he knows it’s a lie. Of course, he’d looked at her, he knew she was attractive and yes maybe he’d had fleeting thoughts in his head about what it would be like. She was nice, and maybe he had considered it, but only ever in his head, never for real “No! No of course not!”

“So, you didn’t think she was attractive?”

“No, why would I. I’m with you. Kelsey you’re everything I want why would I”

“I don’t know. You tell me why?”

“I told you…” he sighs, loudly “I was drunk. She was just there. It was late, I was tired… she came on to me and… Kelsey this really won’t help”

“What? It won’t help… you mean it won’t help you! Going over what happened, you don’t like it do you?! Well that’s how I feel, going over and over it in my head while I sit here, _alone!_” She takes a deep breath, biting her lip, determined not to cry “You know it’s hard enough, when I’m there. Watching girls flirt with you, come on to you, even when I’m sat there. Them, stroking your ego about being a seal. That’s what they all want, right ... to fuck a navy seal! So is that what she wanted? Hmmm.. I bet she did. The big tough guy seal, all alone cos his shitty girlfriend left him and went off to make something of herself. Yeah I get it ...she made you feel good Bigged up your oversized ego!”

“Kelsey ….”

“What cos all that crap doesn’t impress me, but those girls go all gooey over it and make you feel special. A superhero!”

“Kelsey that’s not fair. You know I don’t ..” he sighs “Okay.. yeah you wanna know .. yeah she did make me feel good about being a seal. She was interested. But what about you I have to put up with the competition from my Mr Damn Perfect in there. He can’t do no wrong, good at everything…”

“Oh my god!...Oh, don't you dare make this about Alex! You didn’t do this because of Alex! Fuck! I can’t believe you.”

“Sorry I … please Kelsey”

She can’t stop crying now and Clay gets up from his seat. He's at her side at the table touching her face. She pulls away from him, as much as he body will let her. “Leave me alone!” she sucks in her tears pulling herself together “I said get off me!”

He doesn’t he strokes her hair “Kelsey come on we can fix this. Put it behind us. Please!”

“I said_ GET THE FUCK OFF ME!!”_ she screams and as she does the door flies open.

Alex who’s been stood in the hallway, now stood glaring at Clay. “You okay?”

“I think I just need to be on my own. Can you take me to my bedroom, please”?

“Kelsey don’t…please talk to me. Sort this out. I go back tomorrow; we need to talk this through”

Alex helps her up from the seat as she ignores his pleas. At the door as he calls her name again, her back to him she hesitates “You can sleep in here tonight. Casey can stay in with me.”

“No …Kelsey, we need to talk!”

She wipes her face taking a deep breath “There's nothing more to talk about. I’ve thought this through. I’m sorry...we’re over!”

“Oh my god! Kelsey you don’t mean that!? You can’t!”

“Yeah I do! This won’t work. I can’t forgive you for this. I can’t be here, trying to get better, not knowing what you’re doing. Worrying about you doing this… I won’t let it happen again!”

“It won’t. Please just trust me it won’t happen again. I promise!”

“ I can’t trust you. That's the problem. I wish I could.…Sorry Clay we’re done!”

As Alex helps from the room Clay crumples into a heap on the floor, head in his hands, not sure what to do.Sonny’s at the doorway just staring pitifully, having heard most of the conversation.

“Give her some time, man. Let her sleep on it. Think it through. Let her get her head right”

“Sonny, I’m scared! I don’t think she’s gonna forgive me” he looks up, tears filling his eyes “I think she’s already made her mind up. And it's over!”

**So is it all over for Clay and Kelsey or... Are you hungry to find out what happens next ? :) **


	47. goodbye

"Kelsey ... please... just talk to me."

Stood at the open doorway to her bedroom, Clay's expression begs for an answer. He hasn't slept and most of the night was spent pacing the living room, drinking coffee. Followed by sitting in silence on the hallway floor outside the bedroom door as her and Casey slept. Then listening as his son cried he had to watch Alex be the one to help, because she won't allow him anywhere near her.

"Please... " He sighs, making a quick check of the time on his watch " .. I only have an hour before the cab comes. Just let me make this right"

"Clay, what do you want... _hmmm?_ " she sighs "There's nothing you can say to me that will make this right. You know I've thought about nothing else all week, I'm done with it. My mind is made up so please...just let me spend some time with Casey"

"Oh, come on .." he sighs exasperated by her reply _Fuck!_ ... "Kelsey we need to talk about this. I mean what about Casey, we need to talk about him... what happens to him"

Clay's frustrated, she's so closed down and not listening to a single thing that he says. This steely determination she has to not converse about anything. He just can't break through this protective wall she's put up around herself.

Alex is back, carrying the toiletry bag so he can help her with changing Casey's diaper.

"Kelsey, this is ridiculous... we have a child. We have to talk about this situation before I leave....Kelsey!... Please, just stop ignoring me, it won't help solve anything"

"_Fine!!_... Alex could you take Casey to Sonny please. Ask him to change him.." she takes a deep breath.

Alex scoops up Casey with the changing bag, then still staring at Clay he heads to the door. Handing him over to Sonny in the hallway, he can tell how frustrated and angry Clay is and so he hovers, just outside the door, keeping an eye on the tense situation.

"So, Clay... what can you say? What can make this right? Because you know what... you can't undo what you've done."

"No, I can't, you're right, but then you can't just take my son without discussing it either. I won't let you just cut me out, not without listening to what I have to say. And what... you don't want to try and fix this mess? Kelsey, we at least owe our son that or don't you give a crap about him?"

"Hey... watch your tone when you talk to her. Show her some respect." Alex shoves him, prodding his fingers at his chest. Clay's irked and tenses he pushes back but Alex just laughs "You did this Clay, so don't blame her. It's your fault you're in this mess and now you have to live with the consequences. If you hadn't wanted to lose your son, then maybe you should have thought more carefully before you _screwed _his babysitter. You knew the risk you were taking."

"You know, you should just _shut the hell up!_ This .. _us_, it's none of your damn business. I'm so sick of you interfering. Why don't you leave us alone and let me speak." They stare at each other neither wanting to be the first to break "You can't, can you...no. No, because this is exactly what you wanted, what you hoped. Kelsey, why would you even listen to him? You know how much I love you so please... please just let us talk. I'm desperate, I don't want to lose either of you."

He's at the bedside and gently he places his hand to her cheek, caressing her wet, tear stained skin and, for just a second, a moment, she falters. The soft comfort of his hand against her skin as she closes her eyes, nuzzling her face to his touch, makes her waiver in her decision.

"NO!" she pulls away. Then, pushing him back, she sits silently on the bed, her tears dropping in single large bubbles on to the quilt cover. "No Clay... we can't fix this!" she shakes her head, taking a breath "But, I'm not taking your son away ... I wouldn't do that to you."

"Clay....she's not going to stop you seeing Casey..." Alex speaks up, answering him " and of course, we'll arrange access and visits. Once this is more settled he can probably even stay with you."

"You know I told you..._shut the hell up!_" Clay turns on him angrily " I'm not going to arrange access and.._ visits. _Kelsey I want you to come home. We'll find some way to fly you back"

"She can't..." Alex laughs " and you know that because you heard the doctor and what he said. Clay you're just gonna have to accept the situation, because she's made up her mind. If I was you... then I'd go and spend as much time as you can with your son before you have to say your goodbyes"

Clay stares, bubbling with fury. Lost for the words to answer him without lashing out.

"Alex...." Kelsey look up quietly watching the both of them. "_shut up!"_ She takes a really deep breath, thinking everything over. Still staring at Clay, she lets the air out. Then swallowing nervously hardly able, she speaks "I'm not taking Casey away.I'm not ... because he's... he's going back with Clay. Clay,needs to take him home."

_"What?"_ Gasping in unison; they're both are stunned by her answer and they stare at her, confused.

"Kelsey, surely you don't mean ...." Alex frowns, questioning her "Do you even know what you're saying? You're just going to let him take Casey back to the states?"

"Yes, I do...know what I'm saying." she sniffs. "You heard me. Casey goes home with Clay"

She takes a breath. She's cool, calm, controlled as she reiterates her decision. But underneath the control she's a riot of self-doubt trying to validate what she's offering and also wondering if she can actually see it through.

"But why? I don't understand. How you can just let him take your son, after what he did? Kelsey, you really need to think long and hard about this"

"I have. I've thought of nothing else all night. Alex, believe me, this is not what I want... but it is for the best. It's what's best for Casey." she grinds her teeth making her words clear as she smiles, desperately wanting him to agree with her. He won't and as a solitary tear rolls down her cheek, she wipes it, forcing herself to control her emotions.

She looks up and for the first time, since last night, she stares Clay in the eyes. "You need to take care to him..." she demands "because I can't do that right now, not like this. Shit... I can't even change his nappy or hold his bottle on my own, let alone everything else he needs"

"Kelsey... " Alex interrupts "you're going to get better and until you do, then I can help you look after him. It's not going to be a problem"

"No.. Alex, just shut up! I know what I'm doing. He belongs with Clay. Anyway, that's his home, he doesn't know anything else. His things are there, his family.... Ash..... Sonny, everything he needs. Clay might be a shitty boyfriend, but he's a good daddy. Casey deserves what he can give him" She turns, looking back at Clay in the doorway "But you have to sort out the childcare... and you have to tell me who .. and keep me informed, and ...and I have to be able to see him, when I want"

_Oh my god!!_ Clay gasps. He's as shocked and surprised as Alex. He thought he was going have to fight her all the way over this and he can 't believe what she's offering. But he also feels pain, knowing how much this must hurt, for her. Because he knows how he was feeling and he also knows, he couldn't have done the same.

"Of course..." he sighs "every day. You can see him as much as you want. Kelsey nothing changes you're still his Mom...."

"Maybe, I can have him to stay.... Maybe he could stay here, so you can go do deployment, I mean that would keep Jason off your back, right?" she smiles but it's just a façade, her throat choking with pain.

"Yeah ... yeah, it would. But you know I don't want this, I mean, not like this. I want you to come home and be with us"

"You know that can't happen, that I can't be with you Clay, not anymore!" she takes a breath, the expression on his face nearly breaks her "I promised myself, I wouldn't let anyone do this to me again... so, I can't."

Alex looks away. He now realizes some of this is his fault. That she made that promise after her went behind her back, and she said then she'd never let anyone do it again. It's how he knew Clay would struggle to win her around. Clay, now paying the price for a pain he caused her all those years ago.

He shifts around awkwardly where he stands."Kelsey are you sure you know what you're doing here? You need to think. You know he's your child too, you don't just have to hand him over. Don't let Clay make you feel guilty"

"He's not. This is my decision, for Casey. You know I think if maybe I'd made more decisions for him, then we wouldn't be here now. Like if I hadn't wanted to go back, to the Navy. If I'd stayed home. Then none of this would have happened. And so, I'm doing this for him. He deserves more. And right now .. I'm no good to him and that's not fair. Clay has everything he needs there, his toys, clothes..."

"It's just stuff! We can get him what he needs. Kelsey, I'm begging you think about this. Don't do something spur of the moment you'll regret"

"Hey, you ...shut the hell up! She said she's made her decision" Clay turns on him, selfishly realizing that he might be a reason for her to change her mind. Clay doesn't want any of this, but he also doesn't want to lose Casey. "I'll look after him...I swear. You can see him whenever you want,... I'll send videos every day and then as soon as you're fit to fly you can come see him and if not, then I'll bring him back. I promise nothing will change. He's your son too"

"You're wrong Clay. Everything already changed. But.... this is not about us now, it's about him. Truth is, you can offer him more"

She starts to cry, no longer able to hold it and seeing her hurting Clay steps forward. He wants to comfort her, but Alex holds him back, stepping up himself and wrapping her in his arms as she sobs uncontrollably, laid against his chest.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yeah..." She nods "Look can I see him before you go, be with him while you get ready to leave"

"Oh ... yeah sure, I'll get him"

Sonny brings him through to her. The room's quiet and Sonny leaves them alone.

Clay's still sitting on his own in the lounge, his head resting in his hands wondering how he can be so heartbroken but so happy at the same time. Losing her but keeping his baby son.

He looks up. Alex is glaring at him from the doorway he smiles. "And once again .... what Clay wants; Clay gets! So, just how the fuck did you manage to convince her, Casey was better with you?"

"I didn't .. you heard. She decided this. I didn't do anything. She's put Casey first"

"Yeah something you didn't do!"

Clay can't deny what he says "Yeah well...don't worry cos I'm gonna get her back. I gonna be with both of them. You' ll see. I'll do whatever it takes to talk her around"

"Yeah well good luck with that" Alex scoffs "But watch your back. Because I'm gonna get Casey back for her. That I can promise"

"Hey .. " Sonny hushes his voice he's left Casey in the room with her to say goodbye "Will you two knock it the hell off!"

"It's him, threatening to take my son. I'm not just going to accept that bullshit from him!"

Sonny's in Clay's face, inches apart he forcefully pushes him "Clay, you need to shut the hell up! You know that girl in there. She's broke cos she made a big god damn call for you. To give her up her boy, let you take him out the country, when you was the one fucked up Clay.."

Sonny glares at him. His heart's torn in two directions as he wonders if this really is the right thing to be doing. He knows Clay, his friend, will love him, spoil him and care for him, but his own moral code says that the baby should be here with his Mamma. This situation's just not right. In Sonny's head, it's uncomfortable. "See the pair of yous... you need to learn some respect!"

"Yeah you're right." He nods " C'mon, we need to get our stuff together, the cab will be here soon"

Alex watches them, his anger simmering to a boil. "I don't fucking believe this..." he storms to the bedroom.

Shit!... Clay sighs "You think he's gonna get her to change her mind? Sonny, I can't lose Casey.... I just can't"

"Hey, look at me.. honestly... I don't think he can, cos I think she's made her mind up.... about everythin'"

o--o-o-o-o-o-o-o

There a loud horn honking from outside the window and Clay and Sonny look, apprehensively, at each other as they know it's time to leave.

Alex stands at the front door "Taxis here!"

Everyone takes a deep breath, preparing themselves.

Alex knocks gently at the bedroom door. He smiles as he watches Kelsey rocking Casey in her arms while she talks to him.

"Hey... he sighs their um.. taxi's here"

"Mm hmmm... I know! I heard it" she smiles taking a deep breath. Laying Casey not the bed she stares at him "Hey Casey, now you listen to me.... " she swallows anxiously "you be a good boy for your Daddy, he's going to take care of you now. Mummy has to stay here and get better and then she's going to come and see you. I promise! I'll call you every day and we'll talk like now." She starts to cry, wiping her hands across her cheek "shit... Alex, I can't do this! Can you take him .. please?" she leans forward, gently kissing his cheek "I love you Casey ...I love you so very much and that's why you need to say with Daddy."

Alex picks him up and as he turns around he looks at Sonny and Clay stood in the doorway. He hands Casey to Sonny.

Kelsey looks up from where she's sat in the bed, desperately wanting to say something but her words fail. She nods. Sonny nods in reply, he's choking on his own emotions as he heads out of the room with the baby.

"Oh god!!!" she screams, clamping her hand over her mouth, trying to silence her cries. She leans back, her heart is in pieces and she wants to call him back, tell him to stop, but she knows she can't.

Alex looks at her. He sighs, shaking his head. No longer able to watch the heart break, he leaves the room.

Clay and her are just staring at each other "Kelsey...."

"Clay don't... " she takes a breath "there is nothing you can say that will make this better. So, just look after him. I'll um .. I'll call you in a couple of days and we'll make some proper arrangements, come to an agreement about things. Clay, just promise you'll make some proper childcare and you'll keep him safe"

"Of course, my god ... of course I will. Always. You know that I will die for him."

"I know" she nods "I know you will. Look have a safe journey. Call me when you get back, just so I know everything's okay"

"Yeah, of course. And if you wanna see him .. night or day just call. I'm here. Kelsey ..." he takes a deep breath " I love you, so much and I know you don't wanna hear that right now.. but I do!"

"I know ...I can't do this with you right now. Clay ... just go!" She leans back and closes her eyes.

Clay steps forward kissing her gently on the cheek "Bye Kelsey!"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Outside the house, Clay loads their bags into the waiting cab, while Sonny straps Casey's travel seat in securely.

Alex is standing feet away watching them. He and Clay just staring intently at each other. Sonny cautiously watching as he comforts Casey's crying.

"This isn't over.." Alex frowns "I told you. I'm gonna get him back for her. You'll see in a couple of days, when things have settled down .. she'll change her mind. I'll make her. And when I do, then I will personally come and get him"

"Don't count on it!" Clay sneers "She can see him when we've she wants .. but you... you're never coming near my son, ever! Alex I don't like you but the good thing about this, now. I don't have to anymore. That makes me so happy"

_Hmmm!_ Alex laughs "Oh you think you're clever ... I told you, watch yourself. I'm not an enemy you want to have"

Sonny can see it brewing, between them, and he steps forward to calm the tension. Pushing at Clay's chest to move him beyond Alex's range   
  
"Clay.. .hey Clay! Walk away there man. You don't need to do this." He sighs, taking a deep breath in "Don't let him get ta ya like this. Clay.. listen ta me... you wanna get her back, then this, fightin with him, is not the way to go 'bout it. So, walk ta the car and get ya ass in!"

"Sonny..." Clay sighs as he stands ridged forcing back against his hold

"Clay...c'mon man, don't do this .."

"That's right Clay be a good boy and do as you're told" Alex goads, mocking and tormenting him. "Enjoy it, because it's not going to last... you'll see"

"You .. you shut ya mouth!" Sonny turns his back on Clay, pointing directly at Alex himself "You know what... he's right .. and I don't like ya either. Never did. You're a typical cake eater, full of your own horseshit! You know, she 'll see through you, one day...she'll see how you pushed him away from her. I just hope ta god.. it's sooner rather than later. You know I'm gonna put fifty bucks, right there. That I get them twos back together, before you get your mitts on that there baby" Sonny smiles at him.

"Oh, you think. Well I've known Kelsey a long time and um.. "

Sonny can't listen, he too walks away but Alex can't resist, he has to have one more go at provoking them before they leave. "Hey Sonny .. tell Clay, I'll have her back in my bed soon. Tell him that, give him that thought to keep him company."

As Sonny watches the huge smirking, arrogant, grin filling his face he can't hold his temper "You son bitch asshole ... god she so deserves better than you!"

"Yes, she probably does but hey... "

He smirks and it's finally too much for Sonny. There's a loud crack, a thud as he punches his fist against Alex's jaw, followed by a second, which knocks him to the floor. He can't stop and Clay leaps from the waiting vehicle pulling him off "

"Sonny!...Sonny stop! You're gonna kill him."

"Yeah .. it's everythin' that son bitch deserves!" Sonny steps back wiping the blood from his own lip where Alex hit back.

Wiping the blood from his nose, Alex picks himself up from the ground. He smiles, still staring at the pair of them. He doesn't say a word, just turns around and heads back to the house.

"Yeah... you go back...run away" Sonny frowns, flexing the hurt from his fist "Oh man..." he smiles "you know how long I've waited ta do that?! Feels good!" he sighs placing his arm around Clay's shoulder "C'mon.....let's go home!"


	48. His birthday

_ **2 Weeks to Casey's 1st Birthday.**   
_

_Mmmm!_

A huge grin flashes over her face and she tenses feeling the strong, muscular body wrapping around hers. His hands slide gently over her waist, grazing across her hip and then without a word they slip under the hem of her shirt and onto the smooth bare skin underneath.

Licking her lips, enjoying the butterfly kisses dropping gently and silently into the crook of her neck. Moaning loudly as his large hand cups around her breast, freeing it from the lace bra she's wearing, and squeezing her softly.

_Mmmm!_ "You know it's good to be home. I missed this."

"Really? You know it's not obvious.. " she smiles "What exactly do you think you're doing?"

"Something better than what you're doing with that lasagna, if that's what it's supposed to be?"

She smiles looking at the, dark, over browned, food she's just taken from the oven "Cannelloni ... that's what it actually is."

"Oh really... and I thought it was some peace offering to the gods!"

"Are you mocking my cooking?" she frowns "because if you are, then stop!" She turn around on her heels. Trapped in the grasp of his arms she wraps her hands around the back of his neck, locking her fingers together as they start kissing. "So did everyone get back okay?"

_Mmmm hmmm_. He places his lips back onto hers kissing with much more intensity this time. "Yep, went without a hitch.... few knocks and bumps but nothing we couldn't handle"

"You're later than I thought you'd be, hence the colour of this pasta!"

"Yeah sorry... I probably should've text you and let you know. De brief went on a bit longer than I expected, there were some loose ends that needed tying up"

"But everything's okay, I mean, no ones in any trouble?"

"No, everything's fine. Kelsey, I can't tell you how much I've missed you these past two weeks." there's another few moments of silent kissing before he surfaces for air "So, how's things been here?"

"Yeah, it's been okay. My hip seems to be on the mend and the hospital finally signed me off physio. Even managed to get a long run in on it. My fitness is starting to get back to normal. Just aches a little now and again"

"Well just take it steady, alright. There's no need to rush anything. So, how's the new job going?"

_Mmmm_ "It's okay.. I'm getting used to it. It's new, it's different. Quieter. But then it's not a six-billion-pound warship right?"

"You'll be fine...I'm sure you'll crush it"

"I'm not sure it's the kinda job you _crush" _she smiles "Just mainly administration, filing and phone calls"

"Hey, come on, at least it's more regular hours and no deployments. You can spend more time with Casey"

"Yeah 'spose. It's fine. I'm sure I'll get used to it."

His lips touch against hers while his tongue explores her mouth. His hands busy working their way over her body. Squeezing, pressing, feeling and touching. Stroking gently around the curve of her butt. 

"Tell you what, why don't we leave this..._food?!_ We'll order some takeaway later. Give us time for something you're much better at in the bedroom!"

"Oh really? So, what you're saying I'm not good at cooking? And there was me thinking I'd improved"

"I'm sure you have... just you're much better at other things... in the bedroom" he laughs, kissing her again "Anyway, I need to shower first. You could join me, wash the sand from the parts I didn't get to earlier."

"Um... actually I can't." she frowns, kissing him back "I need to call Clay, give him our flight times and check in on Casey before bedtime"

"Flight times, for what?"

"Alex, don't tell me you forgot...the end of the month...we're going to Virginia Beach ....Casey's birthday party!"

"Shit!. Yeah sorry.. ..no, no I didn't forget. But you'll need to book me another flight, back early the next day"

"Why? Alex, what's going on...you are still coming ?"

"Yes of course, I just said I was, it's just that I'll have to come back the next day after the party. I've got this training exercise the following week and I need to attend an officers briefing before we head out."

"Okay, but this is not going to be an excuse not to go. I mean Clay's arranged a barbecue and everything"

"No, of course it's not. I want to go. It's just need to be back. Look it's fine... you can stay for a few extra days, a week... spend some time with Casey"

"Hmm... you're not convincing me. Are you worried, about seeing Clay and Sonny ? I mean you haven't actually spoken to them since they left, and after what happened"

"Seriously? Do you really think they worry me? Look, book your flights, come back when you want. I'll be away for the week anyway. Maybe we can do something with Casey, on our own, a family thing... after?"

"Yeah but I don't want to miss his birthday. Clay's inviting everyone, it won't look good if I'm not there . ..Hey! Don t pull that face. I know it's not easy but please... it's Casey's birthday and I want to be there on the actual day. Clay's organising a big cake and I sent some money so he can pick out a present from us as well" 

_Hmmmm! _Alex sighs loudly and Kelsey can hear the annoyed tone. 

"Now what's wrong?".

"Nothing...." He takes a deep breath, stroking his hands down her arms "Alright, you want to know what I think, I just think you should be able to get your own present. Something that you want to get and just don't see why you give Clay so much say in everything all the time"

"I know what you're saying but, look we talked about this before, Clay's the one bringing him up and he knows what he needs."

"But you see him every day on the video call. You went there three weeks ago. Hell, you even had him while Clay was on deployment.. .. .so why do you let Clay choose his birthday present?"

"Just he said that he'd get it for me. He wants this ride on car thing. I don't want to get something someone else gets either"

Alex takes another breath burying his annoyance "Well you know what I think. I think you get pushed out at times and it shouldn't be like that" he strokes her cheek, kissing her lips "He's still your son, not just Clay's"

"I know..... I know but it's fine. Trust me, I'd speak up if it wasn't. Look Clay's doing his best, alright. He has work and ..."

"Oh my god! See.... just how many times will you keep defending what he does?" Alex steps back looking her in the eyes "You know what... I'm gonna get a shower. You defend him all you want. Just book me that flight the next day"

"Alex please...". she grabs at his hand, holding him close as she kisses him "I don't want to fight over this. But please don't spoil it, it's Casey first birthday. As long as he gets what he wants that's the important thing"

"Yeah... yeah I suppose. I'm sorry!"

"Oh, and ... I've put it in the diary, I know it's a couple of months off, but Clay mentioned it now so that we could sort out arrangements. He wants us to go for thanksgiving"

"Thanksgiving?!" Alex frowns "But that's an American thing. Why would we want to go to that"?

"Because.... if you've not forgotten, Casey is fifty percent American. Look it's important to Clay. It's his first proper one and Clay wants to do a big family dinner, he wants to include us. That's nice, right? That he asked us both"

"_You_... Clay wants to include _you_, not me. No sorry, I draw the line there. I can't do thanksgiving. Fine I get Clay wants to do it but Kelsey, we don't even celebrate it here"

"I know but maybe we should, you know, for Casey. I mean that's what he's going to grow up with"

"He wouldn't if he lived here... with us, permanently."

"Alex... we talked about this too." she sighs "Casey's happy where he is. I don' t want to turn his life upside down again"

"Fine.." he kisses her forehead "so you go do the turkey celebration. Just leave me out of that"

"Alex... " she sighs "look there's time if you change your mind. Clay only gave us a heads up so we could sort flights and time off"

"So, in that case why not ask him if you can have Casey here, for Christmas. We can do the whole big family thing. Tree and presents make it extra special this year"

"Really you want to have him here? Well I'll ask... see what he says"  
  
"No! See Kelsey this is it. Just tell him! He's having him for his birthday, this thanksgiving thing .. so, you should have him for Christmas. Just tell him he's coming here and don't argue" he holds her face staring at her "And are you planning on telling him our news? "

"No! Not yet... I thought I'd wait... tell him in person when we get there"

"What make an announcement at the party you mean?"

"No! No I don't want a big deal. It's Casey day I don't wanna take the limelight, besides..." she smiles " you didn't get me a ring yet, so there's no point making a big announcement without something to show off, right?!"

"Oh..." he smiles grabbing her around the waist, pulling her hips towards his "so now you want a ring? But I thought you said it didn't matter"

"It didn't, but I um... I changed my mind...and I want big _huge _diamond, in fact so big, you won't' be able to afford it" she smiles kissing him gently on the lips.

"Oh really... we'll see about that! You know we need to set a date as well. Then you can tell Clay it all in one go"

"Alex.... you only asked me a week ago, over a satellite phone call. Setting a date seems a little premature. There's no rush.. I mean, we have plenty of time to organise things"

"So you're not in a hurry to marry me then? Hmmm. Well maybe I can change your mind on that." taking the knife from her hand he lays it down on the worktop "Come... we can go work on that other project too. Maybe have a big surprise for Casey for his birthday"

"Well sorry to disappoint, but you're not getting that just yet. Mother nature has got other ideas"

"Oh, you have to be kidding, really?"

"Really! ..." she smiles "Look Alex, there's no hurry for any of this. I don't want to rush into things. I know... I know you want a baby of your own, but I told you... Casey's only a year old, my body might not be ready yet and with .... well with your problems, down there. It's gonna take time. You know how long you tried when you were married." she sighs loudly, kissing him "Alex this year, it's been tough enough. Please don't put that pressure on us, we don't need it. Besides you never know, I get my fitness back, well I might look at a more hands-on role with the Navy"

"Oh Christ! Here we go, I wondered how long before you might start considering that again. You told me you were happy now that you knew all that was done with it."

"Alex please.. I said I would still think about it .. and_ if _other things happen, then they happen but I just don't want to rush them. Let's get used to being together first. Hey..." she smiles teasingly" why don't I come help you get that sand out of your hair"

"Mmmm!" he smiles kissing her "Yeah why don't you."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"So .. what the hell's wrong with you?" Sonny frowns, sitting himself on the bar stool next to Clay

"What do you mean? There's nothing wrong with me"

"Well your face says different and that's the fifth time you checked your cell phone since we got here"

"Oh, I um.. I'm just waiting for Kelsey to call. She's letting me know her flight times, for Casey's birthday party"

"Oh so she's still comin' then.. I wondered with her coming last month if she would"

"Yeah ...she is" he smiles "I still gotta get the present she's buying for him. I figured I'd get that toy car thing we picked out, do you remember?"

"Yup. So is um...the asshole comin too? I mean are they stayin' with you or a hotel "

"Yeah he's coming, unfortunately. They're getting a hotel close by" Clay's head drops and Sonny laughs watching him.

"Hell Clay... I don't know why you just don't tell he how ya feel" he takes a sip of the beer and looks around behind him as Ray, Trent and Full Metal join them at the bar.

"It wouldn't make any difference now Sonny, we're over. I keep telling you that every time she comes here "

"Well I'll still bet fifty bucks you two get back together"

"I'll take that bet!" Full Metal grins.

"What?" Sonny frowns "Don't tell me that you don't think they will either .. jeez what is wrong with you guys.... can you not see when two peoples are meant to get together"

"Nice dream there brother!" Ray smiles "but it's not happenin'"

"The trouble with you guys you got no sense of romance"

"Oh, and you do ??" Ray laughs into his beer "Sonny man, have you heard yourself... you know what... I'll take your fifty bucks too!"

"Okay that's more like it. Anyone else? Trent, you quiet. You think romance will win out on this?"

Trent looks at Clay and then back at Sonny, as much as he liked Kelsey "I don't think it's gonna happen, no... sorry."

"Okay... well tell ya what. I'll take you all on. My two hundred bucks says them two get back together"

"Sonny..." Ray laughs patting him on the shoulder as they order some more beers "I don't wanna take your money brother but..."

"Oh jeez..." Sonny interrupts as he looks up " .. what the hell's she doin' here. Clay what's going on?"

"Oh um... yeah we're going for dinner. Ellen..." he calls pointing "we're over here!"

"Clay... " Sonny hushes his voice "since when the hell'd this happen? You not serious, right?" he frowns with confusion "Elsa's back on the scene, is that for real?" 

"I don't know ..." he shrugs " we had met up for a few drinks a couple of weeks ago, we've just had dinner a few times"

"Dinner?! That what you callin' it these days" Sonny laughs " No I'll tell ya what she wants... she wants your special ops credentialed ass in her bed. Then she can tell all her fancy lawyer girlfriends ... that's what she wants." He takes a swig of his beer watching as Ellen crossed the room to join them "I'm tellin' ya somethin' you want Kelsey back.. you going the wrong way about it"

"Sonny, it's just a bit of fun .... nothing serious, alright. Man you just need to calm down"

"That woman is _not _my definition of fun. You want a good time, come see me... I can arrange fun!"

"Hey baby.. " she kisses Clay on the cheek, her smile dropping as she look up "Sonny."

"Elsa." he nods, glaring at her, his eyebrow cocked in contempt.

"Ellen, my name is... _Ellen_. I don't know why you can't seem to remember that."

"No ya right. I don't know why I can't remember either, Ell .._en!"_

"Sorry, I need to take this" Clay holds up his phone, seeing Kelsey's number flash on the screen "I'll be right back. You want to get us some drinks in?"

"Sure thing... so, Ell.._en, _it's Clay's round. I'll have a beer! How 'bout you guys, you want some drinks?... Clay's lady friend is buyin' "

Ellen takes a breath of annoyance but she keep herself calm and tolerates him so as not to cause a scene. Clay's way too much _fun _in bed for her to turn down the opportunity. "Is everything alright with him?" She queries.

"Far as I know, yeah" he sniffs forcing himself to reply with some degree of politeness. He never liked her even when they were a more permanent couple. She spoke down to the guys from the team. She was too controlling, too cougar-ish, too lawyer-ish. Always taking Clay somewhere fancy and Sonny didn't like it. "Oh the call? It's Kelsey. She just catchin up with his day.. like she does everyday!"

"Yeah don't I know it." She sips from the large glass of wine that arrives in front of her "You know she has no consideration for timing. I've told Clay he needs to move on. I've even offered to draw up more permanent conditions for her access to the baby. So they both know where they stand."

"You did what?" Sonny frowns angrily "You know she has every right to check up on her baby. Clay needs to remember he's lucky she even let him have Casey after what he..... I guess that gotta be hard for someone like you to understand and you know somethin' no agreement gonna change that they connected. Still guess you must think he's over her if you're botherin' with him"

"Is everything okay?" Clay frowns watching the pair of them as he returns from his call.

"Oh yeah we fine. So how was Kelsey"

"Well... she wasn't happy. I told I'd be home so she could see Casey at bedtime. I've told her to call Ash .. it's fine"

"She's still coming though, for Casey party?" Sonny frowns concerned

"Yeah um..." he checks the time on his watch " look Ellen, shall we go?"

"Casey's party?" she frowns tilting her head as she questions him "Clay, is he having a party?"

"Yeah... sorry, I might have forgot to mention it. His first birthday, a party at the end of the month"

"Really? I didn't realize. Well, just let me have the date and I'll put it in my schedule"

"Oh... well, its not big deal, just a small family barbecue, with the team"

"That sounds great. Would give me a chance to meet the mother of your child. So just give me the date and tell me where."

Clay shifts nervously "Look we should really make a move. We have reservations"

Sonny rolls his eyes. He's staring at his beer deep in thought. "Hey ... you know, I think it'd be a great idea for you to bring Ellen along. It be nice to have every one there. She can get to try out my famous steak grill"

"Okay...." Clay frowns, he's confused by Sonny's sudden willingness to embrace Ellen "yeah sure... Look we need to go"

Ray and the others surround Sonny as they watch Clay and Ellen leave for the restaurant. 

"Okay...what the hell's goin' on with you Sonny, I didn't think you liked her? So, why would you encourage her to the barbecue?" 

"I don't like her. Never have" he smiles "But .. you can be sure of one thing, if Kelsey still feels anything for Clay, she won't like her neither. Get ready to pay up boys, that money is mine!"

"Sonny... " Ray sighs shaking his head "look, Kelsey and Clay, they're not gonna get back together. I know you want that, hell we'd all want that but... it's not gonna happen, brother!"

"Sure, it is Ray, you just gotta have a little faith"

"Sonny... " Ray sighs "I probably shouldn't be tellin' you this, cos I don't think Clay knows yet, but I um... I spoke to Alex, last week and, well...Sonny, he's asked Kelsey to marry him and as far as I know, she said yes!"

Sonny stares at him not saying a word "You still been talkin' with that A hole again, Ray? Why? You know, you need to start decidin' which side you are on here." He stares angrily "So are they married right now? Did they set a date?"

"No!" Ray laughs "I said he only just asked her."

"Well there you go... so there's still hope. She can call it off" Sonny sips from his beer. He's not sure what he's more angry about right now. Ray speaking with Alex. Alex asking Kelsey to get married. Her saying yes and not telling Clay or... that he maybe about to lose two hundred dollars because suddenly he can't see a way they'll be getting back together now "You know Ray, you need to stay away from Mr Perfect. And get ready to give me my fifty bucks ready too"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

**Casey's first Birthday **

_Shit!_ Kelsey sighs, brushing her shirt down, straightening the buttons at the front.

"You okay?" Alex frowns while he holds the door to the cab and she steps out "Only, you look a little nervous."

"I'm fine! Do I look alright?"she smooths her high sleek ponytail with her hand.

"You look gorgeous. Stunning!.... In fact, I'm wondering who this outfit is actually for?"

"What does that mean?" she frowns.

"Well... this..." He re-buttons one that's come undone at the top of the V cut, sheer fabric, black shirt "it's new? And I haven't seen you wear heels in I don't know how long"

"Why? Don't think it's appropriate?" she frowns, nervously "I mean does it look okay?"

"Hey.. stop worrying. Trust me, you look great... in fact, so great that I'm thinking I should take you back to the hotel and take you our of it!" he smiles "But, I just hope you went to this effort for the right person?"

"And what the hell do you mean by that?" She frowns angrily "Alex are you insinuating I'm wearing this out for Clay, because I most definitely am not! I'll have you know I'm wearing it for me. Is it so bad that I just wanted to look good for my son's birthday party?" she snaps. Then taking a breath she apologises "Sorry, look... I haven't seen most of these people in a long time I just .." she sighs "I just, need a bit of a confidence boost"

"Okay, well if that's all it is then it worked because you look, sexy as fuck!" he smiles, then holding her cheek in his hand he kisses her. "So are you ready then?"

Umm hmm! "No wait!" she grabs at his arm, holding him back and then stares him in the eyes. "Alex... you going to behave, right?"

"Hey....of course I will. Don't worry I told you, best behaviour today. I will even be nice to Clay, no matter what he says." he smiles at her, gently dropping another kiss on her lips " I promise. It's going to be a great day, with lots of reasons to celebrate. It's going to be really special, trust me. I might even surprise you!"

"No ..no surprises, okay! Just behave." She frowns. Something about Alex's relaxed demeanor is concerning her. The fact he's made no sly digs about Clay today is putting her on edge "Just don't goad him alright. I don't want anyone fighting. I just want a nice day for Casey's birthday. Oh and don't wind him up with sarcastic remarks. You know they fall flat"

"I promise... I'll zip it!"

Hmmmm! "So, why does that not make me feel any better?" She smiles, leaning forward to kiss him "Come on then, lets do this!"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Hey, heads up Clay.. ..they're here!"

He gasps as he he sees her _Oh my god! _ He smiles. Her long dark hair is tied back and she's wearing a low cut, black sheer shirt, tight black jeans and strappy high heels. It sends his heart into a fluster and he coughs trying to get a breath _"_She looks great!"

"She sure does!" Sonny smiles watching as Clay straighten his clothes, pulling the tight grey tee shirt down. His facial expression filled with anxious nerves. "Here....have another beer. Just remember, it's Casey's birthday, so don't let him get to ya. You start bitin' back it's only gonna make you look the bad guy... so don't give him what he wants. Plus.. unlike when we were over there... well, remember you got eyes on from Jason and Blackburn here. So keep it calm alright?"

"Yeah... just as long as he doesn't push it too far. So, do I look alright?"

"I dunno.. why the hell would you ask me that, it's not me you tryin' to impress... but yeah, I guess you look pretty good!" he laughs "Clay, you look fine. Anyways....she knows what the hell you look like by now. Though I um..I'm not so sure bringing her was such a good idea."

"What ?"

"You.... bringin' Elsa here, today. Not sure that was a super wise move on your part"

"Yeah I know, but I didn't have a lot of choice. She kinda insisted and I couldn't shake her off." he sighs watching Ellen talking with Naima "And as she paid for the cake I couldn't really say no to her coming along."

"That was dumb. Especially when you told me Kelsey sent you money for that. Best not mention that if I was you. You know what women are like and last thing you need is them two going head to head. Mind.." he smiles " gotta say I wouldn't fancy Elsa's chances. Maybe best you keep em apart"

"Chances ?"

Sonny spins on his heels, the sound of Ellen's voice as she now stands beside him.

"Oh, that ... it was nothin' I was just kidding around .. I err.. I best go check on the meat."

"That her?" Ellen frowns, watching as Alex and Kelsey step from the cab.

Mmmm hmm!

"She's very attractive, but then so is he." she smiles teasing Clay " Is he her new boyfriend?"

"Alex...oh well.. he's not exactly..._new._ They were together a long time ago, but I think they're seeing each other again now"

"Getting back with an ex, very rarely works out.." she smiles "though there are exceptions to every rule. So, what does he do?"

"He...he's an officer, in the Royal marines"

"Oh really! An officer, and he's British! Very interesting" She teases again " He's a very good looking guy. More model than solider I would have said" she looks at Clay giving him a wry smile she can see there's an anger, in the stare that he gives "Sorry I didn't mean to say that, it was just an observation" she smiles brushing her lips across his cheek apologetically "So, how does it work ...what I mean is, I know there's a pecking order to these things so, do you out rank him... with what you do?"

"Oh.... it's not really as straight forward as that... I mean rank wise yeah Alex is ..." Clay stops talking watching as the head over towards him "Look sorry could you go grab me another beer. I just want to say hi first, before I introduce everyone"


	49. Calm down.

"Hey!" Clay smiles. Already aware of the uncomfortable feeling between them and it's made especially worse, with Alex stood watching them.

"Hi... " Kelsey returns the smile. Then taking a nerve calming, breath she attempts to break the tension by apprehensively kissing him on the cheek "How are you?"

"I'm good. You ... you look great!"

"Thanks.... just something I had in the wardrobe; I hadn't worn it for a while."

The tension returns and they all stand, awkwardly silent. Alex can't help but smirk, his arm wrapped around Kelsey waist. His hand gripping firmly at her hip, he can feel how tense she is, and he steps up to break the deadlock 

"So how are you Clay?"

"Um... yeah...yeah, I'm good" he sighs, forcing himself to be polite, Sonny having already warned him not to start anything today "You?.."

"Oh, I'm great. Actually, everything's great. Works busy, but guess that's pretty standard, right? Kelsey's on the mend, so in all, things couldn't be better."

Clay nods there's not much he can say, even if he does it will probably only show how bitter he feels still. Watching him casually sipping from his beer and the look on his face, makes Kelsey feel uncomfortable. All she can manage to do is nervously smile.

" Alex.. Ray's over there. Why don't you go say hello" she looks up at him and smiling she wills him to leave "So, where's Casey then?"

"He's just over there, with Sonny. I think they're still playing in the car you got for his birthday. Why don't you go see them, he'll be over the moon that you're here."

"Hello..."

They all look around, behind to see a woman in a tight-fitting blue dress and high heels. She give them all a huge smile as she joins them. "And you must be Kelsey? .. Pleased to meet you." 

Offering a friendly hand in greeting Kelsey frowns, questioning who she is. She doesn't recall where but she's sure, that she recognizes her. "Ellen... Clay's _friend_.." then turning her attention to Alex she smiles "and I don't think we've met. You are?"

"Alex... Kelsey's partner"

Clay sighs looking away. Annoyed by the overly confident tone he uses when he says that he's _her partner._ He makes it sound so permanent.

Ellen steps back next to Clay, placing her hand on his back, she stroke her fingers gently down his spine "Pleased to meet you Alex." She's aware of the apprehensive exchange of looks between Kelsey and Clay, and she smiles.

"So, um .. I'm ...I'm just going to go and see Casey. Alex why don't you go say hello to Ray."

"Yeah, sure. Think I'll get a beer first."

"Maybe we'll get another chance to talk later?" Ellen's teasingly biting her lip as she smiles at him.

"I'm sure I'll catch up with you soon" he takes his leave, ensuring first he marks his territory to Clay by giving Kelsey a long slow kiss. "I'll catch up with you in minute"

Ellen's watching closely as Clay turns around, his eyes following Kelsey as she walks over to join Sonny and Casey. "You know she's is very attractive, and I can certainly see what she sees in him."

"Yeah she's great!" Clay sighs under his breath " Sorry.... excuse me, I'm gonna get another beer, do you want anything?"

"I'll have a glass of wine, but you know what, I'll come over with you" she kisses his cheek, stroking her hand across his shoulders. 

Turning to look over her shoulder she can see Sonny hugging Kelsey, greeting her with his arms wrapped around her. Ellen knows he's never been so receptive to her; in fact, he always makes it, so very clear that he really doesn't like her.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Hey.. how ya doin?" Sonny smiles, pulling her in for a hug "Wow! You look great! .... And how's the leg now?"

"It's on the mend. Everything's improving, slowly." She smiles, lifting Casey up from inside the toy push along car where he was happily play "Hey you .. Happy birthday baby!" she kisses his cheek, grabbing him up, cuddling him close.

"He's lovin' his new toy." Sonny smiles, as they look at the red plastic car "Won't let me stop pushin' him."

"Looks like Uncle Sonny is enjoying this game too." She laughs kissing Casey again "So...I didn't know Clay was seeing anyone...." She frowns " is that serious?"

"Who? Her?!... Hell you must remember her, Elsa. Clay was seein' her before you"

"Oh!!! Oh yes! That's where I remember her from." She thinks back to the first night her and Clay met, in the bar. She didn't seem right for him them; she doesn't seem right for him now. "Elsa!.." she laughs remembering the nick name they gave her , the ice queen. "So, is it... serious, I mean?"

Sonny laughs. Drinking his beer, he smiles watching her "Hey... no need to worry, nothin' serious there."

"I'm not worried" Kelsey smiles then she looks over behind her. Watching them together, talking, Ellen hanging off Clay's shoulder, stroking her hand on his face "Looks to me like she's quite into him."

"Why.." chewing on his toothpick he smirks "you jealous?"

"No!... Of course not. Clay and I are over, you know that. He can date who he wants. I was just surprised he'd not said anything about seeing her."

"Really? You're not bothered.. even a teeny little bit?" he frowns.

"No! Sonny, really I'm not. Clay and I are over. I just want him to be happy."

"Yeah well... that aint happenin'. Happy I mean. Not with her. Kelsey, you know no one will make him happy as you did"

She takes a breath "Well I wish that had been true but Sonny but we both know it's not"

"Oh, c'mon Kelsey.... hell, even you know as well as I do, he only asked her here for one damn reason...because of you."

"What? Why would he bring her because of me? That doesn't make any sense"

"You know, I'm not even gonna answer that, cos you aint that dumb! Now, I'm gonna get another beer, I'll leave Casey with you"

Casey smiles at her, his hand reaching out towards the red car. She turns back to him placing him down "You want to play?"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"You okay?" Alex leans forward kissing her softly on the lips. They're sat on the grass, enjoying the sun, as they eat their food. Casey's happily playing on blanket beside them.

He kisses her again; this time much more firmly has hand working its way up her body "You look so bloody sexy today. You know part of me is tempted to take you right here on this grass" he pushes her down flat on the ground kissing more passionately.

She pushes him up off her "Alex stop it! People are watching"

"What you don't want me to kiss you like this.. " he pins her down on the ground continuing to kiss her.

"Alex, I said stop!" she pushes him away again, annoyed but still has a smile on her face "I told you, not here." 

She looks around, her cheeks red, flushed with embarrassment. This sudden public display of affection is not something she's comfortable with. Sitting herself up and regaining composure she now notices Clay's staring, watching them and it makes her feel very awkward.

"Are you embarrassed or more worried what Clay might think?"

"No, it's not that. Clay has nothing to do with it. It's just not the place for it"

Sonny's watching them too. And as he sips from his beer he can feel the passionate dislike he has for Alex bubbling up inside. Interrupting everything he bangs the barbecue tongs, rattling them against the side of a tray. "Hey....listen up! Why don't we get the birthday boy and do the cake?"

"Yeah!" 

A big cheer goes up from everyone and Sonny beckons to Kelsey, gesturing for her to bring Casey over as Naima brings the, large blue and white, icing covered cake, placing it on the table.

"Okay then.." Sonny smiles, now having everyone's attention "Metal... hey Metal, you can put that photography course to some use and take some photos of the birthday boy. Get some good family snaps for the album. And Clay ...hey Clay, you and Kelsey, you get behind the cake with Casey"

Alex also steps forward but Sonny stops him "Not you!" Placing his arm across his chest, staring him in the eyes he frowns "Let's do Mamma and Daddy first... right?"

Alex smiles smugly pushing Sonny's hand away from his chest. He nods "Fine, whatever you want!"

As he backs away, standing himself next to Ray, Ellen moves herself alongside. She smiles "This is little awkward, right? I mean us like this and them together. I feel like a spare part. Seems a little forced don't you think, them playing happy families?"

"Yeah well.." Alex sighs, dismissing her obvious advances "it's for Casey. They just want to make it memorable and at the end of the day, that's what's important. Not how we feel." He takes a deep breath, folding his arms across his chest while he watches. 

Sonny's arranging things, pushing Kelsey and Clay up tight next to each other, Casey in Kelsey's arms, the cake on the table in front of them.

"Okay so that's good right?" he looks around, behind him. Metal with his phone camera in hand he nods indicating for them to move up "Hey Clay... get a little closer and god damn smile. How's that lookin' now Metal?"

"Yeah that's good, man!"

"Okay now, Clay... get Casey ta cut the cake"

"Sonny .." Kelsey laughs "he's a bit small to be cutting a cake by himself!"

"Hey Sonny, don't worry, I got an idea" Standing behind her, Clay then wraps his arm around while she holds Casey. Facing him toward the cake, Clay then takes hold of his tiny hand in his own, and holding the knife they cut into the sponge for the camera.

Clay takes a breath, his chest's pounding. The feel of Kelsey's body tightly pressed against his. This is the closest to her he's been since they're split. He can smell her, the scent of her perfume and it's nice. So nice that it stirs feelings he hasn't had in quite a long time.

She can feel how tightly he's gripping her, pressing his chest against her back. His groin, though she hopes unintentionally, rubbing against her, tight pants clad, butt. As they cut into the cake she smiles to herself, because she can feel exactly how much effect this close body contact is having on him. She coughs, nervously, the moment, though she'll try and deny it, sends a shiver of excitement up through her body.

"You know ..." he quietly whispers in her ear so no one else can hear "you look great today."

He can't help saying it and though she doesn't respond, secretly she likes the fact that he has noticed her outfit. But as she looks up, she feels an apprehensive pang of guilt for that thought. Watching as Alex smiles at her and her forcing a smile back.

"Okay, so smile you two.... Happy Birthday Casey!" Sonny laughs. He's content, happy with the job that he's done, getting them together like this. The three of them close, like a family again. 

The rest of the team joins around, and Full Metal takes lots more photographs. There's a loud countdown 3... 2.... 1 as they blow out the candles on the cake. Everyone having fun and laughing. 

Distracted, it's too late for Kelsey to realize that Casey's grabbed a handful of cake and reaching forward he's rubbed it onto Clay's cheek.

"Casey.." she smiles. The mess of the butter cream making her laugh, "I'm sorry.. " she continues to laugh, unable to stop "You know, I don't think daddy wants that all over him....Here Clay, let me wipe it for you" She takes a serviette and dabs at his face. Only managing to somehow make it much worse.

Clay rolls his eyes and smiles, taking the paper napkin he now wipes it for himself. She still can't help but laugh "Oh you think that's funny?..." he frowns watching as she continues, Casey in her arms, he's making his baby giggle too "Fine, you know what .." he takes a large piece of cake, then deliberately rubs it against her cheek and he laughs "You have some cake!"

"Oh my god!" she gasps, him taking her by surprise making her squeal, loudly " Clay, I can't believe you just did that!"

Wiping the cake with the back of her hand, they both smiles. Happy as they listen to their boy giggling with laughter. They're just staring, looking at each other there's this buzz of electricity, they won't admit to it, but it's there. 

Clay's looking at her, thinking how much we wants to kiss her right now. Here in front of everyone and he really wouldn't care who saw them. But knowing the reality is the problems that would cause and so he takes breath pushing the feeling back down, deep, inside. "I um... I'd better get cleaned up"

"Yeah... yeah me too. It's been fun though, right?"

He nods as he brushes his hand gently on Casey's cheek. "Yeah it's been a great day!" he smiles.

"Okay..." Alex claps his hands gathering everyone's attention. Having been watching them, fooling around, the look he can see on Clay's face and how he's been looking at her, he now interrupts breaking up their little bit of fun "Could I have everyone's attention a moment please."

Kelsey frowns looking at Clay who's questioning her as to what's going on "Alex, what the hell are you doing?"

"Don't worry, I just want to say a few words. After all this is a big day... for our little man. So, I'm sure everyone would like to join me and make a toast, wishing Casey a very happy, first, birthday!"

Everyone nods, raising their glasses and bottles of beer to toast... _Casey, Happy Birthday!_

While Kelsey joins in there's something about Alex's mannerisms that are making her feel uneasy.

"Now as you all know, it's been quite a year for us... but things are finally settling down and Kelsey is thankfully, recovering well from the accident...." He raises his bottle toasting her by himself "long may that continue!"

Everyone else watching on, apprehensive and not totally sure whether to join in. Clay's sighing thinking perhaps he should have been the one, the he should have thought and made a speech before Alex._ Him and his perfect accent_ now stealing the limelight.

"Anyway, back to the point, then we can all get back to drinking." he smiles as everyone cheers "as well as celebrating with this little guy, I thought you might all want to share in another special occasion for us..."

_Oh no! _Kelsey sighs, her heart pounding, guessing what it is he's about to do. "Alex please.. don't do this. ..not now!"

"Sorry... " he smiles "come here" He takes Casey from her arms handing him to Clay to hold as everyone else looks at each other confused. "Now, as a few of you know.. " he looks up at Ray raising his bottle towards him "and the rest of you probably don't. Last week I was away, on operations overseas and was missing _this _woman so very much, that I did something.... something I don't regret. I asked Kelsey to marry me, and happily I can report... she said yes!"

_Oh, shit! _Kelsey closes her eyes unable to look at anyone, especially Clay. She can feel the stare from his eyes boring a hole inside her and she feels sick. Silently begging _Alex_, _don't do this. _But it doesn't matter what she says he's going to continue anyway.

"Anyway, due to the location at the time, I didn't get to do it properly so, I thought, I would make up for it, and do the right thing today." He smiles. 

Dropping to his knee in front of her, he takes a small box from his pocket and then, his hand holding hers "Kelsey Roberts will you do me the honor of being my wife?"

"Oh my god!" she gasps breathless as he opens the small black box, revealing a beautiful heart shaped diamond ring. Her mouth falls open and she takes a deep breath unable to find her words. She's shocked and surprised much like the others who are standing in front of them. "Alex.. oh my....it's beautiful! I don't know what to say "

He smiles, feeling smug and pleased with himself as he watches Clay hand Casey to Sonny and walk away. "I'm just glad you said yes!"

"Really.... I mean, I'm lost for words.... thank you! " she frowns "Oh my god...how much did this even cost?"

"I don't care what it cost, not for you!" he stands up, taking both her cheeks in his hands and kisses her. Then lifts her hand, sliding the ring onto her finger. "I had to guess, on the size"

"It's perfect.. " she nods, completely at a loss for words. She reaches up, kissing him as he wraps his arms around her.

There's a moment of very tense and awkward silence, from everyone else. Ray looking around decides he'll be the first to break the deadlock and congratulate them. Everyone following but reservedly and painfully aware of Clay's reaction.

Jason and Blackburn are next over, they feel the need to deescalate things and make the atmosphere a little more comfortable. Naima and Mandy now stepping forward to admire the ring.

_Shit! _Sonny sighs watching as Clay drops his head, picks up a beer from the table and walks away on his own. Sonny's pissed, all his hard work this afternoon, getting the pair of them together has been undone by Alex in one spectacular moment.

Kelsey looks up from the huddle of congratulatory hugs and she too can see Clay, alone, stood by himself. And as he turns around looking at her she just feels absolutely awful. Her heart aches with pain and wracked with guilt for not telling him before wishing she could undo the past ten minutes of time.

"You happy?" Alex smiles, he's worried by the lack of expression on her face.

"Yeah ...sorry. Just you, well you took me by surprise, that all. I'm fine. I just need a minute to take it all in" She sighs

"Okay. Well I'll get another drink while you do" he kisses her.

Sonny's follows him over and standing beside him at the beer table, sipping from his own beer, he frowns "You just couldn't resist it could ya! You had to make today 'bout you. How the hell you think Clay feels right now? This was his damn party, not yours. His woman too if you remember. "  
  
" His woman?! Sonny have you heard yourself. If you _remember_... Kelsey and Clay are not together anymore. The both of you need to start to understand that. What just happened, that was me making Clay understand." he sighs glaring at Sonny "He did this to himself. He was the one slept with the babysitter. All I did was remind him, because he was starting to overstep the mark. Anyway, I thought he has his_ new_ lady friend, so I'm sure he'll be fine. Though I have to say ... I don't know what it is with him .. " he smirks, looking at Sonny "even she's been giving me the come on. Got her business card here somewhere. "

"You really are one asshole son of a bitch ain't ya! You know..." Sonny lowers his voice so no one is able to hear, trying desperately not to lose control " I should put ya back in ya box right here.."

"Go ahead if you want to try, but...well I think your Commanding officers wouldn't be very happy to watch you do that" he laughs "I gave you a free pass last time, I won't again. You or him, comes anywhere near her. I'll bring the full force of my rank down on you!"

Sonny takes a deep breath, he's fuming but he can't afford to get in any more trouble, not right now and punching Alex here would only give him what he wants. "You're one smug asshole.... but you'll get what's owed... I promise" he sighs as they stare at each other "Answer me this, do you even love her or is this all about gettin' one over on Clay?"

Alex laughs drinking his beer. He smiles. "Just be warned Sonny!"

Sonny's so angry. _Fuck!_ he can't breath and he glares, staring at him. Then finally, Alex gives and with one last smirk he stands his empty bottle down and reaches for another.

"You know, I feel like celebrating!"

He walks away and leaves Sonny standing alone. He takes deep breaths trying to calm himself down. He looks up and Kelsey joins him. "Hey...I saw you talking to Alex, is everything okay?" She frowns, the look on his face, his mood it's concerning her.

"Tell me, you not really gonna marry that asshole?"

"Sonny please... don't... don't start alright. I feel bad enough at is it. I didn't know he was going to do that or I would have stopped him"

"Why?... Why, cos you didn't want him to ask or .. " he takes a breath" or cos you didn't want him to break Clay's heart ?"

"Sonny that's not fair, alright.....Look, Clay and I aren't together anymore and anyway, he seems to have moved on, Ellen?!. _And_... if you remember correctly, he was the one broke my heart first!" she sighs "Sonny if only he hadn't...." she hesitates.. "things might be different"

"Yeah well, see I'm not buying it Kelsey, cos way I see it... the way your twos keep looking at each other, it sure as hell don't look over to me. I aint seein' you looking at that asshole the same way you look at Clay! Tell me I'm wrong and I'll believe it"

"Sonny...." she swallows, pausing a moment "you're wrong. It is over. Me and Clay can't be together, and you need to accept that as well. I'm marrying Alex and that's all there is to it!" Sniffing the sudden wave of tears, she drinks from her beer "Alex was there for me, night and day when I had the accident. He was my shoulder to cry on when Clay.. .. He never asked for anything. It just felt comfortable and he cares for me."

"Felt comfortable? Cares?.. Notice you didn't say loves. You might be able ta kid yourself but you ain't foolin' me. Care and love are not the same damn thing!"

"Yeah well we both know Sonny, that being stupidly in love, it doesn't get you anywhere, except maybe a broken heart. I learned that the hard way.... if you remember!"

"Well good luck ta ya... "Sonny shakes his head, gesturing over towards the others, Ellen pushing her charms against Alex, touching his arm and her hand openly brushing across his chest "cos from what I can see, I think ya gonna need it!"

And with that statement he walks away.

Left standing alone she frowns, watching, Ellen and Alex lost in conversation. The rest the team engaged in talking with each other. Casey playing happily with Full metal and Trent. She turns around and spots them by the bench near the tree. Clay and Ray talking with each other and taking a deep breath of courage, she wanders over.

"Hey!... " she smiles as Ray looks up smiling at her.

"Hey... " he nods. Looking first at her, then to Clay "Look um.... I'm just gonna get another beer I'll .... I'll leave you two alone. You might wanna talk. "

"Thanks!" she whispers "Do you mind?" She points at the bench, asking permission to sit. She frowns, Clay turning his head, unable to look at her.

" Do what you want... don't let me stop you."

"Clay please, don't. Don t be like this, at least not today. I really didn't know he was going to do that, but I should... I should have told you that he'd asked me"

"Yeah you should! I mean _he _managed to tell Ray, right? He told Ray, but you couldn't tell me. Why was that?"

"I don't know ... " she shrugs "maybe because.. because I didn't want to hurt you?"

"We've moved on Kelsey, I'm with Ellen now, why would it hurt me?"

"Oh ... sorry, I didn't realize it was, serious with you two" she take a breath though he's saying it's not a problem, she can it is because she can read the hurt in his eyes.

"So, you also gonna tell me about you trying for another baby or do I have to hear that from Ray too?"

"What?" she frowns confused "Who the hell said we were trying for baby? Oh ..."

"Oh... yeah oh! Alex told Ray that you and he are trying for a baby. What the hell Kelsey, you only just had a baby. One you hardly ever see!"

"Don't!" She frowns angrily at him "Look this is a misunderstanding we're not exactly_ trying_ for a baby. Alex... yes okay, he wants a baby. He's always wanted a baby of his own. A mini Alex..." she sighs "He ... he has this vision of how wonderful it will all be, but I think we know the reality is not that." She takes a deep breath "Besides even if we were .. trying, which we're not! It's not going to happen that quickly anyway... I mean I've only had Casey a year and ..."

"And you think that means you won't have another baby? People have babies all the time. I know lots of people who try for a second after a year"

"Yeah well I'm not trying, I told you, and beside there's other things as well, which mean it won't happen... Alex he um.. he... he has problems... down there. They tried when he was married, had tests done and he has a low .. you know.. count. So, it could take some time"

As she takes a breath she can see the smile growing across Clay's face "Oh my god!!" he laughs loudly "Are you serious?? Wait... he's got a low.. oh my god, wait till I tell Sonny! Thank you lord! I knew it .. I knew there had to be something that he just wasn't perfect at"

"Clay... Clay stop it! It's not funny, it's a serious problem. Clay stop laughing"

"Yeah, I know. It's just.... oh my god!" he smirks the smile filling his face.

"Clay please don't tell Sonny .. . please don't say anything, to anyone. He's going to know I told you if you do and .. well. " she smiles herself now. Trying not to laugh as she can see the look on Clay's face "you just can't!"

He smiles at her "Oh come on .. give me this one thing, please. One thing that proves he's not as perfect as he makes out he is"

"Clay, no you can't... for me." his smile is infectious and now she does nervously laugh. "Look Alex is not perfect by any means... believe me he has a lot of flaws... " she looks around over her shoulder he's still engaged in conversation with Ellen "But, he does care about me"

"Do you love him?... Does he make you happy?"

"Do you love Ellen? Does she make you happy?"

"That's not what I'm asking. I'm not marrying her"

" I suppose... yeah, I guess" She shrugs taking a deep breath

_Hmm!_ He sighs. Brushing the loose hair away from her face. "Well if he makes you happy then fine, I'll accept it"

She nods, staring at him "Changing the subject... I thought I might take Casey out for the day tomorrow, if that's okay with you. I have to take Alex to the airport early, he has to get a flight back, some operational officers meeting before next week. Then I thought I might take him swimming or to the ball pit. Spend the day with him, if that fits with your plans?"

"Um.. yeah sure. We have a couple days downtime so just let me know what time you want to pick him up and I'll have him ready."

"Okay thanks.... oh, and the thanksgiving dinner, I know it's a couple of months away but I would like to come. I know it's important you and I suppose it'll be important to Casey in the future. So yes, I'd like to be part of it. " She smiles "Alex is not going to come though"

"Okay that's good!... .. I mean that you're gonna come .... not that Alex... you should be part of it"

"Yeah and you know I was... I was wondering if would be okay, I mean if you don't have plans, if had Casey to stay for Christmas?"

"Christmas .." Clay takes a breath "I hadn't really thought about plans but um... yeah, yeah I guess we can sort something nearer the time if that's what you want."

"Yeah I would like that"

"Look I'm gonna get another beer,.... I'll talk to you in a while"

"Okay... " She smiles "Clay... I am sorry"

As Clay walks away Alex joins her. His arm snaking around her waist, turning her around to face him "So what was that about? Was he alright ....the engagement?"

"Yeah.. yeah, he was fine. I was just asking about Christmas, he's fine with that too".

"Good... he should be" He kisses her, sensing her sudden offish-ness "You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. You two seem to be getting along, I mean Ellen. What was so interesting?"

"Nothing...." He frowns watching her "Oh, is someone getting a little jealous of her attention?"

"No! Why, do I have something to be jealous about?"

"No of course not, don't be stupid"

"I know what you were doing Alex. You're so easy to read. Just be careful because I think she likes you, alot"

"Oh, you know me. I'm always careful" he smiles kissing her again "Anyway she's a lawyer...we were talking about getting an agreement drawn up. About Casey"

"What? An agreement why? Why's she talking to you about that? It's between me and Clay"

"Well she thinks it would cover both of you. You know about access, you seeing him. Kelsey you have nothing formally agreed, and she said, you still have rights to bring him home, to the UK, if you wanted. I told her it was something we'd talked about"

"What the hell.... why would you say that to her? You know I've said Casey stays here with Clay. And we don't need an agreement we already have on, a verbal one. We both see him when we want"

"Yeah but you have nothing, legally. You don't know if he got something drawn up he could try and stop you from having access"

"He won't, Alex he won't do that! Everything's fine between me and Clay"

"Well that's good then ... I just told you what she said. You don't have to do anything but it's good to know. Stop being so defensive, I'm not the bad guy here, if you remember"

"Sorry.... " She takes a breath, leaning forward to kiss him "sorry yeah I know, but I just don't want to go that route and stir up more problems. Look, I'm gonna get Casey some birthday cake..."

"Sure. I'm just gonna make a call, I need to check in about this briefing tomorrow and check my flight in"

"Okay...come here" She brushes her hands over his face her hands grasping in his hair. Then they kiss a really long slow kiss. His hands working their way over her body.

"Oh, you know .. you keep doing that then maybe we should skip cake and go back to the hotel"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"Hey baby! Look, Mummy's got you some cake."

"Oh sorry, he's already some. I gave him a piece a little while ago. I don't think it's a good idea to give him anymore"

"Sorry what?!" Kelsey frowns staring up at Ellen from where she's sat beside Casey on the floor.

"I mean you might make him sick if you give him some more. He's been out of routine enough today already. More cake won't help, Clay has to get him to sleep later"

"It's his birthday, and... any way he's my son, I will decide"

"Well that would make a change for you to decide something. From what I see you leave most decisions to Clay"

"I'm sorry... " Kelsey can now feel a bubbling of tension and she stands up. Facing towards Ellen "since when was this anything to do with you? Do you have something you want to say, because please just say it"

"Just calm down. I just, I mean Clay has to have him all the time, you don't seem to.. ..as I just told Alex I think it might be better to draw up a legal agreement about his care and visitation"

"Things are just fine as they are, thank you for your concern!"

"But things are changing. You know with you and Alex getting married. Good catch by the way." she smiles "if I were you I'd get him down the aisle as fast as you can." She smiles but the comment did not sit well with Kelsey "Look, when you two are married, if you wanted to take Casey, well it doesn't leave Clay with a lot of rights. So, maybe a written agreement might be of benefit to you both"

"Me and Clay, don't need a written agreement, things are okay as they are. You need to just leave well alone. Oh, and while we're talking, I'd rather you don't keep pawing at Alex either"

"Pawing at him?! Oh really. We were just talking." 

"Well, I'm saying so we both know where we stand" She takes a deep breath. Ellen is really starting to annoy her now. "Look, I don't need your fucking opinion on my son. or on things that Clay and me decide. So just keep your nose out!"

She takes a breath, calming herself, looking down at the diamond ring, fixed on her hand. She closes her eyes. Only to open them to the sound of Ellen's voice

"NO!! Oh my god you stupid boy ... that's a two-hundred-dollar purse!"

She look around to see what's going on only to see Casey crying. Ellen berating him for putting his cake covered hand on her bag.

"What the hell is going on?"

"The stupid... he just put his sticky hands all over my purse. This is finest Italian leather it won't come off. That mark will be on there now!"

"So, fucking what! He's a baby, you shouldn't have put it near him ..."

"And he shouldn't touch things that are not his"

Kelsey struggles to contain herself as she sees red and turns on Ellen "Are you fucking kidding me! Who the hell do you think you are? Standing there looking like a dog's dinner, fawning all over Clay like he's some puppy dog. I mean how old are you anyway?" 

She takes a deep breath trying to contain her rage as Casey continues to cry and she can't settle him " You know Ive been watching you, you have the gaul to openly flirt with Alex, in front of me, in front of Clay. Acting like he's some shiny new toy you got given and now you think you have some right to shout at my son, over a damn bag! You know I should knock your fucking head off!"

"Oh, hell!" Sonny lets out a long deep sigh. Standing his beer down, he keeps his eyes fixed on the developing situation. Watching as the two women, inches apart now go head to head. "I told ya Clay.... that wasn't a good idea"

Clay turns and he now sees the scene unfolding "Oh shit!" He panics not sure what's gone on, but they can all hear the screeching argument unfolding between the pair.

Kelsey's raging and her general superior strength over Ellen is what worries him. He and Sonny get there just in time. Sonny grabbing Kelsey by the waist forcing her away, hauling her backwards just before she's about to lash out.

Clay pushes Ellen back. "What the hell is going on here?"

"Her!" Kelsey jabs her finger pointing angrily. Alex now joins them, he was attracted away from his call by the noise of the warring women. He steps between them, breaking them apart. 

"Kelsey what the bloody hell's going on?"

"Her... she was shouting at Casey, because he touched her precious bag!" Sonny still has a firm grip around her waist "He's a baby and baby's, touch things...".

Ellen smiles "Clay, I think she's a little irrational. Probably tired from the flight. I just told him not to touch because his hands were sticky. She gave him too much cake anyway. I mean he'll never settle tonight."

"Oh, fuck off! You .." she lurches forward towards her as Alex intervenes pushing her back.

"Kelsey calm down, alright. This seems a little over the top"

"What?Oh my god!" she gasps in disbelief "She stands there, in front of everyone, flirting with you, and you fucking encouraging her as well. And now I'm the bad guy !?" 

She turns to Clay. It's his turn for some of her anger. "Is this right? You want some legal agreement drawn up, about Casey? Because you know Clay, it was hard, really fucking hard for me to let you take him. After all you were the one who couldn't keep his dick in his pants " She can feel herself welling up with emotions now, her anger has bubbled to the surface and all of her emotions are coming out " You... you fucked this all up not me and now you want a... fucking agreement, you want your rights!!..."

"Kelsey... just calm down! I think this is as misunderstanding. I didn't ask for an agreement, everything's fine the way it is. Ellen why the hell did you tell her that?"

"Because that's what we talked about and I told you it would be for the best. I mean you can see she's unstable, so she could change her mind, especially if they get married. You could lose him, if she chose to take him back"

Kelsey loses it now and shoves forward, catching Sonny off guard. "I'm unstable ... I'm fucking unstable!! Jesus Christ....." she pushes Ellen hard. Alex grabs hold, easily overpowering her and she's unable to move.

The rest of guys are now all crowding around. 

Clay looks lost, unsure what to do as Sonny frowns at him, "Ellen.... I think it might be best if you leave. I think there's been a misunderstanding and I'll straighten it out. Look, I'll try and call you later!"

"What?" she looks indigent, but he won't look at her. "Fine! Fine, you know ...I don't know why I came anyway. But let me give you free word of advice, as a lawyer. If you're not careful they will take him away from you."

Kelsey swings out wildly, loosening herself from Alex's grip. Shoving hard, she pushes her over "Shut the fuck up! You're the one causing trouble here, not me. It's _my_ son's birthday I'm not having you do this.. "

"I think you 'll find _you're _the one making a scene. If I were you .. "she smiles looking at Alex "I would ask myself why?"

"Woaah!" Sonny now intervenes he can see Kelsey about to lose it with her "Hey Elsa... you better just go!"

"It's Ellen... but you know that! And sure, I'm going... "picking up her bag she smiles at Alex "You have my card, if you need any further advice "

Alex sighs, rubbing his head. _Shit! _

Kelsey looks at him "You took her fucking card? You.... what the hell is wrong with you? I don't believe you today, I asked you not to ... ... of all days!" she pulls away running he hand through her hair her ponytail as come undone and it loose around her shoulders. "_Ahhh! Fuck!"_ She starts to cry in rage.

Naima picks up the now crying Casey from the floor taking him away from the scene.

Alex pushes at Kelsey, removing her too . "Go and calm down. Walk it off" She takes a breath staring at him but still ignores what he says, "I said take a walk Lieutenant ...NOW!"

She sighs calming herself "I'm sorry, alright ... I'm sorry" She looks up at everyone watching them staring at her. 

Clay bites at his lip. He's feeling so awkward watching as Ellen leaves.

"I'll go check Kelsey's calmed down " Alex shakes his head as he follows behind her. 

Sonny moves himself, standing next to Clay. As it becomes calmer everyone starts to filter away and Naima brings Casey back to Clay. He's also more settled now, and has stopped crying. Clay cuddles him close. 

"Hey baby. You're okay... Daddy's here" he holds him tightly against him "What the hell was that about Sonny?"

"Women!...." he laughs, smiling to himself "Oh, who the hell knows what goes on in their heads" He frowns watching as Alex is still trying to calm Kelsey down "Wouldn't wanna get on the wrong side of her though" he laughs "Somethin' really riled her up for sure"

Clay nods thinking how angry she was "Look, I'm gonna find him a bottle. Settle him down"

"Okay, I'll catch up with ya in a minute "

Ray stands with Sonny watching on. Kelsey and Alex arguing about what just happened " Get your money ready Ray,.. "he smiles "I'm getting my fifty bucks back"

"Sonny..." Ray smiles " you can't be serious right? Did you not just see what happened or were you watching something different to me, man?"

"Yeah I was watchin'. But why the hell'd you think she kicked off like that, huh? I'll tell ya.... cos she's not over Clay and I know damn well for sure, he ain t over her "

Ray shakes his head. "Brother how many times. Clay and Kelsey, they're not getting back together!"

"_Awww! C_'mon Ray, I thought you had a lil more faith than that. They just need a helpin' hand"

"More like a miracle... " Ray laughs

"We'll you believe in miracles... so maybe they 'bout to get one!"


	50. Miracles

"Oh hey..."

Kelsey frowns as Clay answers the door to her. He stands there shirt in hand, bare chested.

She feels awkwardly embarrassed, it's been quite some time since she's seen him without clothes on and she's not sure where she should look. 

"Oh, um ...porridge. My shirt... Casey's breakfast" he smiles. He can see the look she gives and feels like he should explain "I was just getting cleaned up"

"Oh .. Okay. Look I can come back, if he's not ready"

"No! No, that's crazy ...just come in, he'll be glad to see you. Anyway, you can finish giving him his food if you want, while I get a clean shirt"

She smiles. Taking a breath she steps inside the apartment.

She still feels uncomfortable, thinking over what happened yesterday, at the party. But now seeing Casey in his highchair, covered in porridge, it makes her smile.

"Hey baby.. _what _are you doing?"

Casey smiles back at her, hitting the small plastic spoon against the bowl on his tray. He mumbles something which sounds like "Mm mm" and she smiles, wiping his mouth with the cloth.

"Clay... " she calls out, picking up the spoon "does he need any more of this?" looking at the gloopy mess that might be thought of as porridge.

"Yeah...see if he'll eat a little more." he calls out from the bedroom "He hasn't been up long, I think he was over tired from yesterday"

"Hmm..." she sighs looking at Casey "I think we all were."

She smiles thinking how heavily she'd slept when they got back to the hotel. The combination of the flight and beer, something she hadn't really consumed since the accident, probably didn't help her deal with the situation very well. She looks up and smiles as Clay, now dressed, comes back into the living room.

"Did you say something? " he asks

"Yeah, I just wanted to say...."she hesitates not really sure how to word the apology "Oh... it's okay it'll keep" she spoons another mouthful of porridge to Casey's lips. Watching him spit most of it out she sighs. She misses this, not being able to do it daily, be with him "So... do you have plans, for today? I mean, baby free and a day off, must be a nice change for you"

"Oh no, nothing really, just the gym.... Sonny and I are meeting up later, for drinks"

"Okay..." she smiles still feeling awkward about what to say to him "so, you're not seeing Ellen today? ....Is it serious with her, I mean it seemed pretty serious. She seems keen on you."

"No... no, it's not serious. Just, you know, some company now and again"

"Right... " she nods, biting her lip apprehensively "well, I should probably apologise to her; you know for how I behaved yesterday. I was out of order. Just..." she sighs " I don't know, she seemed like she was interfering. I mean do we really need a legal agreement about Casey? I thought things were alright...that they work between us."

"Everything's fine. I think she was just... worried. If you marry.. when.. when you marry Alex, things might change. I suppose I just want to know where I stand"

"Nothing will change. Clay, I promise. Casey will still live here with you. Anyway, I'm not getting married, at least for a while. There's no rush. This year's already been pretty intense. I could do with things settling down for a while so I'm not in a hurry to organise a wedding"

"Really..." he frowns "only from what Ray said, he got the impression Alex was pretty keen to get it done soon"

"He said that?" she looks at him concerned.

"Maybe Ray misunderstood him" he smiles at her " So... how's your new job going? You settling down to it better now."

"It's okay..." she sighs wiping Casey's chin and then look up at him "actually... that's a lie. Oh Clay, I hate it!" she puts the spoon down. Then changing the subject "I think he's had enough of this"

"Hey, Kelsey talk to me. What's going on with work? What don't you like about it?"

"I don't know..." she shrugs, laughing "all of it! Oh, I know it's regular hours, no deployments and I get to see more of Casey. Which really is the _only _reason I'm sticking to it. It's just not the same as active duty though, is it." She smiles "Listen to me moaning, just forget I said anything "

"Hey, it's fine. So, you've told Alex you don't like it?"

"No. No, he thinks it's great. It's nine to five and he's right, it fits better with everything. Look, it means I can have Casey when you're deployed so.. .win, win"

"But not if you're not happy" he frowns watching her "Can't you go back on board ship; I mean something less responsibility or another role ... something where you'll see a bit more action"

"Not really. You know it doesn't work like that. It's all in or nothing. Anyway, I'm not sure my hip will stand up to the medical. I'm fine. Don't worry. So... you get off to the gym, I'll get cleaned up here, then take him out"

"Kelsey ..." he takes a breath looking at her "I should tell you.I broke up with Ellen. You were right.." he smiles "she's not my type."

"Really?" she frowns trying to hide the wry pleased smile on her face "Not because of me, is it? With what happened yesterday..."

"No, it wasn't anything you did. I realized after what happened that she's not my type. And her girl friends are a little intense. Think she wanted me to set them up with half the team." He laughs jokingly.

"Clay, someone will come along. Someone who deserves you" She smiles "Any way I'm sure you have your hands full with this one most of the time."

"Yeah he sure can be a handful, especially on my own. It won't be long before he can walk now. He's already pulling himself up"

"I know, then you'll be dealing with a _real _handful "

"_We_... we will. Kelsey, he's your son too. I don't want you missing out on things."

"I know but one of us has to... miss out on things, because of the distance between us, right? Okay Casey... " she smiles scooping him up in her arms from the seat "we're going to the play park ....yeah!"

"Hey, you know what, how about I meet up with you, later, after the gym? If I go now, by the time you get him changed and get there, I'll be done. We can meet up, maybe get some lunch"

"Okay" she smiles, nodding "Yeah, that would be nice.... I mean for Casey, it would be nice for him. After all it's not often he gets both of us, taking him out, together." She looks at her phone as it bleeps "It's Alex.... his flights just leaving. Oh, there was a delay. I'll bet he's really pissed about that. He's not so good when things don't go to plan. Really particular about timings."

"Yeah, I can imagine he is, _particular _about stuff."

"You know Alex is not perfect. Never think he is. It's not a competition between you, and yeah, I know that he's an arrogant arse at times. You just have to try and ignore it. But like you he's good at his job, wants the best. He has high standards, but he's never been perfect"

"Well that's good to hear, but whatever, I don't think were gonna be friends, do you?"

"No. .." she sighs " but it would make things easier though if you could get along."

"Yeah right..." he changes the conversation, kissing Casey on the head "I'm going. You behave for Mummy, and I will see you both in a couple of hours. I'll text when I leave the gym"

As Clay leaves she smiles "Right let's get you dressed we 're gonna go play!"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Casey's dressed and she's almost ready to go. She finishes in the bathroom as she heads out into the living room gathering up the things they need to take with them. As she looks up the door opens and Sonny stands there.

"Oh.." he frowns, her presence taking him by surprise "hey... is Clay here?" 

"Um... no, he's gone to the gym. We're just off out the play park. Clay's going to meet us there in a while. I thought you were meeting him later, for drinks?"

"Yeah... yeah I am. Just thought he might be here; doesn't matter I'll catch up with him later. Did he tell ya..." he smiles " him and Elsa. They broke up!"

"Yeah, he told me. Sonny, I think that may have been my fault, with what happened yesterday "

"Oh nah....hey don't worry about it. It's a good thing" he smiles.

Though it oddly does feel a good thing she still feels partly responsible and all she can do is shrug, not really knowing how to answer.

Her reluctance to say anything makes him happy and chewing on his toothpick he sighs "Okay.. so, I'm gonna go, I have some things to take care of. But I'll catchya laters" he smiles. "Hey! You... you wanna come for drinks later? The guys are all meetin' up. Could come, let ya hair down for a while."

"Oh no, I don't think that's such a good idea. After yesterday the guys have probably had enough of me"

"Nah .. c'mon be great. Catch up. Shoot some pool, you can even whip our asses on the board. We don't get to see so much of ya anymore, it'd be good. Come ... please, for me.. I miss ya"

"You miss me?" she frowns " Right... Sonny, as nice as it would be to have a drink with you. I don't think that's a good idea do you? I mean, Clay, he's gonna wanna relax, not have his ex-tagging along. And it wouldn't feel right. The last time I went to the bar Clay and I were still together, it would just feel a little awkward."

"You forget about Clay... I'll deal with him. Besides what else ya gonna do tonight, sit in a hotel room by yourself?"

"I don't know. I could have Casey, for Clay, save him organising a babysitter."

"No...um.. no! what I mean is .. it's all arranged. .. um.. Ash.. Ash I remembered he's havin' him, to stay the night, you know a regular Grandpops thing .. I always figure it's good... Clay and his dad you know.. don't wanna mess that up. Routine kinda thing"

"Oh, okay well I don't mind.I love being with him"

"You have him tomorra, come for drink tonight, please?" he smiles in that special way he does.

"Alright, you win. _Only_... if Clay's okay about thought. If he's not comfortable then, I won't come"

"Clay's gonna be just fine... trust me!"

As Sonny leaves, she smiles. Looking around the apartment she's thinking about how this was set to be their home, a home she's never spent the night in.

Casey cries and she heads back to the nursery. He's sitting in his crib. She smiles watching him, looking at her.

"C'mon Casey we better go!" Looking around she smooths her hand gently over the star light and the memories of it fill her head.

Carrying her baby boy, sat against her hip, she stops in the hallway outside the door of Clay's bedroom. It's been left ajar and pushing it open, she peers inside.

She smiles at how even now he leaves a neatly made bed. Stepping inside she strokes her hand gently over the quilt cover then nosily, she slides the door to the closet. Her hand touching gently the rails of his clothes. She sighs loudly as she smiles. Still hanging on the lower rail are some of her own clothes.

She pulls out the black button front dress looking at holding it against her. This was the dress she wore the night they went for pasta, at the fancy place she always loved. The night she realized she was pregnant. She sighs. How much things have changed since that night. How apprehensive she was. Similar feelings now churn over in her stomach

"Right ...enough of this!" she hangs it back on the rails "Your daddy really needs to clean these wardrobes out, bag this stuff up and take it to charity"

As she turns around her eyes catch a glimpse of the photographs on the table beside his bed. One of her and Casey, one of the three of them together from when he was first born and the other in black frame, a print from a picture Clay took on his phone, just of the two of them, smiling as they laid in bed one morning.

_Why the hell have you still got this here?_ She frowns, questioning It's not the sort of thing a new girlfriend is going to be happy about. But for some reason she smiles. It feels nice that he still keeps them on display, despite everything that's happened between them.

Closing the door as she leaves, she looks across the hall to the spare room. The one Audrey stayed in. She stares at the door but doesn't open it.

Sighing loudly she leaves "Come on Casey, time to go play!"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

As they arrive back at the apartment her and Clay are still laughing.

"Oh my god... when that woman shouted at you to get off the slide, I thought was gonna die laughing, my sides hurt so much"

"Hey I was stuck, alright. There was nothing I could do. Anyway it was your idea I take him down it!"

"I know, I'm sorry but that was so funny. I got a great photo on my phone ... you wanna see?" she smiles "I had a good day. And I think Casey loved having the two of us there. So thank you."

"Your welcome. I had a good day too."

"Right ..." she hands him over to Clay "Guess I should get off. You have stuff to do I'm sure. I'll come see him tomorrow."

"Kelsey..." he calls to her in the hallway "you um.. you wanna stay for dinner?"

"Clay, I .." she wants to say no. But Casey reaches his arms out to her and her heart melts "Why not! Dinner can't hurt" she smiles taking Casey from him "Clay um... Sonny was here earlier. He asked me to go for drinks tonight. I said no but.... well he was pretty insistent" she frowns as he looks at her "I won't go if it's going to make you feel uncomfortable. I don't want that"

"No...no, it's fine. If Sonny asked then to go then go. Look, we got along fine today right? So I'm sure we can do drinks."

"Yeah I suppose"

"Hey..." he laughs " you can tell that Alex is not around, it's a lot more relaxed between us" immediately he says it and the look on her face, he regrets it "Sorry. Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. But really it's fine about drinks"

"No, actually now I think, it would be weird, to go for drinks. It's not like I drink anyway now, not since the accident. I haven t drunk a lot in such a long time, I think I've forgotten how" Her phone starts to ring as she looks at it "I ... I have to take this. It's Alex. I won't be a minute"

"Sure!" Clay sighs. _Fuck!_ He's annoyed it's been such a nice day and she hadn't mentioned him like that. He could kick himself. And now, once again reality sets in and he's back between them.

He smiles, looking at Casey, he's nearly asleep after the full day of activities "What you say we go make mummy some pasta .."

He looks up watching as Kelsey paces the hallway outside the apartment, talking into her cell phone. As she does Sonny arrives.

"Hey, what's going on? " he questions Clay, frowning he gestures towards Kelsey in the hall "Everything alright?"

"Alex!..." Clay sighs "We just got back. You wanna come in? I'm gonna make some dinner."

"Look, while she's on the phone I need ta speak ta ya. You need to call Ash... get him to have Casey for the night"

"What?... But why?"

"Cos I um.... I kinda told her that he was havin' him".

"What? Why would you do that?"

"Because dipshit, that way she can come for drinks with us"

"But I thought we were stayin' in?"

"Yeh we were but... oh for god sake Clay..." Sonny hushes his voice, checking the doorway "Do you want an opportunity for a night out with her or not ? Man, sometimes I wonder if you's intelligent at all. Now call Ash..."

"Sonny, I don't think this is a good idea. You're hoping for something that's not gonna happen"

"Oh, shut the hell up, alright. You're still crazy about her...what's not a good idea about drinks?"

"Sonny... did you take any notice yesterday, she's getting married. You only gotta look at the ring on her hand. I mean god knows what the hell that cost. She's not gonna give all that up now"

"Sure she will, when she sees what she's missin' ... He's an asshole Clay and she deserves better. She belongs here! With you and Casey".

"Sonny, really as much as it makes laugh to watch you play cupid. It's not gonna happen. Kelsey and I are done. She's with Alex now and ... well I have to move on from her" he sighs handing Casey to him "So, you stayin' for dinner or not?"

"Yeah sure. Oh and for your information, I'm still not done with this. If you won't call Ash...then I will!"

"Hey Sonny..." She smiles kissing his cheek

"Clay just invited me for dinner .. like old times, right?"

"Yeah.. " she smiles awkwardly "That was Alex, his flight just got back, finally. Look Clay, maybe I should go back to the hotel, I need to shower and change because I have ice cream all over this shirt"

Sonny keeps staring at Clay, willing him to speak. "You know, you could shower here? You still have a few of your clothes in the closet that I haven't cleared out yet" he smiles

She frowns looking at him, not letting on that she knows about the clothes "I suppose, I could. If you don't mind? I mean it would make more sense than going all the way back to the hotel. Thanks"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Kelsey's in the shower after dinner as Ash arrives to collect Casey.

"Hey. So what's going on?"he frowns questioning the urgent need for him to have Casey "You gettin' spun up?"

"No, nothing just um... sorry, we were just going for drinks I thought you wouldn't mind having him for the night?"

"Well it was slightly short notice but no...never." Ash is concerned. It's not usual for Clay to call like this so he's a little apprehensive " Oh hey, did you um.. sort out with Naima about the woman from the hospital, the childcare?"

"Um.. yeah look can we talk about her later, I need to sound Kelsey out about her first.I'm not sure how she's going to take it, about someone else looking after him. I need to find the right moment" he sighs anxiously.

"Okay, well just make sure you do. You need to get something more permanent in place. Son, you can't keep winging it when you get spun up. I mean don't mind having him but we need some options here. You know with Kelsey's job have you not discussed maybe a change to the living arrangements?"

"What? " he frowns "And what the hell's that supposed to mean?"

"All I'm sayin' is maybe it might time to consider... him maybe living with her?" This is gonna get harder, the older he gets; I'm just saying maybe talk about it. See if you can come to an arrangement"

"No! NO!... Casey stays here! That asshole is not getting' his hands on my son, never!"

"I'm not talking about Alex... I'm talking about Casey living with his mother. What's best for him!"

"I said I'll sort it, and I will. So, just leave it there!"

"Yeah I know but still..."

They all look up, listening they can hear the phone ringing. It's Kelsey's and it lays on the table by her purse.

Hearing it she comes to the hallway in her towel " Oh... hey Ash! Is that my phone." she smiles "I best get that.. it's Alex again. Sonny, I'll be ready in minute" shes smiles a disappears back to the bedroom.

Ash frowns looking Clay in the eyes "Alright, what the hell's going on?"

"Nothing. She just taking a shower. Sonny asked her to come with us for drinks with us. That's all"

Ash takes a breath shaking his head. "Son you need to sort this the hell out. One minute it's all over, next she's in your shower. What the hell's that about? ... "

"Dad, it's fine. Nothing's going on. Everything else I'll sort out, alright!"

"Son... "he sighs "please, you can't keep pining for something that's not going to happen. She is getting married. He asked her right in front of you. Hell, why do you think he did that?"

"I dunno..." Clay shrugs "cos he's an asshole..."

"Yeah ... well he was also making the point that she's moved on. You and her are over Clay. I know you don't wanna accept that and you regret what you did. I know it was stupid on your part..."

"Hey.. " Clay points at him "don't you dare lecture me on doing stupid things. I know what I did but you have no right...no right! I'm not like you, okay, I'm not. I was a mistake and I'm having to pay for it now"

"Alright .. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that"

"Oh it's okay... " Clay rubs his hand over his head "Look, I'm sorry. Are you taking Casey or not?"

"Yeah of course. Clay despite what you think of me, I love my grandson very much, but I don't want him getting caught up in some war. Alex may be an ass but remember... when he's married to her, he's gonna be Casey's stepdad. That will give him some say in his life."

He takes a breath, strapping Casey into the travel seat. Then he stands up looking again at Clay "If he starts digging his heels in, I don't wanna risk my grandson getting shipped halfway across the world, never to be seen again. Just because you didn't properly sort things out."

  
"Okay, alright... I'll sort it. I'll talk to her."

Ash nods and they look towards the hallway. The sound of Kelsey's raised voice coming from the bedroom. Ash shakes his head and picks up the travel seat."Yeah, well just sort it out and soon!"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Oh my god.... I couldn't my breathe..." Kelsey can't stop laughing as she shows Trent and Metal the photo on her phone. Clay stuck, wedged into the kids slide at the play park.

"Kelsey... don't show them that.." Clay frowns. He's trying hard not to smile as he remembers the incident this afternoon. "It's not funny!"

"Oh, but it was..." she looks at him and smiles, stifling her laugh until she just can't hold it anymore. It's infectious and the rest of the team joins in. "And, when that woman started shouting at you to get out.... I thought I was gonna wet myself. _Hey, you too much big boy for that! Get out! .. _Oh my god that was too funny!"

Clay rolls his eyes sighing. Sitting back in his chair he sips from his beer. Watching her laughing. This feels so nice, being here with her again, relaxed.

The guys continue to laugh as Kelsey sends a copy of the photo to their phones.

"No! Oh c'mon Kelsey.....look, don't give them that to them. You know they're never gonna let me live this down now" he sighs loudly.

Looking up he watches as Sonny places the tray filled with beers, and tequila shots, on the table.

"Right, heads up .." he frowns watching them all laughing " Beer for you .. and you" he hands the bottles around ".. and I got us some shots!"

"Oh no...." Kelsey leans back away from the table "really I can't! I'm too drunk as it is, my head is spinning already. Sonny, I can't drink any more give mine to someone else" she puts her hand up refusing him as he hands her the shot.

"Oh, come on its tee..qui..laaaa I know you used to love it!"

"Yeah _used _to. That was before babies and an accident and my life my turning to shit!" she laughs .

"Hey, your life's not shit.." Clay frowns, he looks at her. He's slightly concerned by the comment and he smiles offering a reassurance to the frustration he can see in her face.

"No, you're right, I guess... " She sighs placing the shot down, she leans her head back and closes her eyes. "Maybe I just have shit job... seeing you guys made me realise how much I'm missing certain things... " She sighs loudly she can feel the melancholy stage of the alcohol now and she forces herself to smile "Oh god.. please help me, I am so drunk!"

Sonny hands her the tequila and one to Trent "Tell ya what, you two play dibs, fastest to drink, decides which team..."

"Team? " she frowns looking at him confused "Team of what?"

"My team or Clay's... pool. Loser gets to be on Clay's team... cos we know how pathetic he is" he laughs

"Oh, I'm pathetic? I think last time I remember I took all your money.. thank you very much!"

"I'm not going on his team..." Trent shakes his head

"No I can't... I can't be on his team .." she smiles at Trent "You know cos... cos of everything" she laughs. She's not making any sense and Trent frowns "And I can't play pool.... cos my tongue is numb!"

"What the hell are you talkin' about.." Sonny laughs handing her yet another tequila " Shut the hell up a drink the tequila. The way you handlin' your drink, I'm startin' to doubt you are even Navy!"

"I'm not ..I don't have a ship anymore.. I have an office now!"

Trent looks at Sonny and frowns whispering "This is not a good idea dude, she is so drunk!"

Sonny nods and he smiles "Yup .. that's the idea!"

"Hey... " Ray acknowledges them as he arrives at the table " ..so what'd I miss?"

"Heyyyy.... Rayyy..." Kelsey jumps up wrapping her arms around his neck "We're playing pool... oh and Clay got stuck on the slide .. at the play park!"

Ray frowns, he's confused "What the hell's she talkin' about?"

"Don't worry" Clay smiles shaking his head as he laughs.

"Man, has someone had too much to drink, or what?" he frowns looking at Sonny "What the hell's she doin' here anyway?"

"I told ya Ray... you're about to watch a miracle!"

Ray's concerned as he watches them. Trent racks the balls up on the pool table. "Hey..." he grabs at Sonny's arm "what they hell're you playin' at brother?"

"Nothin' .. well nothin' much. Okay I ..I may have slipped a couple of vodkas in her beer, that's all. But don't worry, it's fine, she's fine! It was just to get things loosened up a little."

"Sonny..." Ray sighs, looking at her swaying as she stands, leaned against the wall, near the pool table "you, pushin' them together like this, it's not a good idea, man. You need to give up on this alright, before it gets out of hand"

"Never! And anyways.. I need my money back." he smiles patting Ray on the shoulder.

Ray shakes his head, he's concerned, and he sighs again loudly.

"Alright, so let's make this game a lil more interestin'... fifty bucks, on it!"

"Oh.." Kelsey puts her hand up "Sonny, I don't have fifty bucks on me... Clay you'll have to lend me the money!"

"Okay... " He sighs laughing "I'll lend you the money, but I need it back, you're not getting' out of this Kelsey Roberts!"

"Fine .." she smiles teasingly Biting her lip and grinning "I'll get it back to you.." she places her hand against his chest taking the pool cue from his hand.

"You are very drunk.. " he smiles

"Just a little.. teeny bit"

"Yeah...no shit!" Clay smiles.

He's looking at her closely. She's wearing the short, black, button front dress. The one that was still in the closet at the apartment. Her hair's tied loosely on top of her head in a messy knot. The silver anchor necklace he bought for her, just after they had Casey, around her neck. He takes it between if finger and thumb looking at it. Her eyes glance down then back up at his. 

"C'mon then...." Sonny pulls her at her arm "Let's go... you're up first!"

"Oh no, I can't.. " she looks at the balls all lined up on the table. Leaning over she tries to aim her cue. Missing the ball completely she laughs "I can't do this.. I can't see the table..." 

"It's okay Clay' ll help ya .."

Ray shakes his head in frustration. It's a loud and disapproving sound and Sonny looks at him "You got somethin' to say there Ray?"

"Yeah Sonny..." he hushes his voice, turning his back "This needs to stop. You can't go pushin' them together. If you need a reminder as to why, then just look at the diamond on her hand. Sonny she's with Alex now and I know for a fact, he wouldn't be happy about this".

"And what you gonna do... tell him? Hmmm... you gonna call him up and tell him, Ray?" Sonny stares at him " I told ya, you need to choose sides here" he sighs he can see Ray's not happy "Look, dontcha wanna get that baby to get his Mumma back home? You don't think them two belong together?"

"That's not what I'm sayin'. Sonny, just they need to make their own choices not like this. She made a choice and maybe you shouldn't interfere with that. Oh, hell.. Sonny, no good's gonna come from this. You could start a big rift where there doesn't need to be one. I just don't think this is a good idea"

Sonny takes a breath. He looks around at the table. Clay's leaned over behind her, holding the cue as he helps her hit the balls. Turning back, he just grins at Ray "Hey Clay... don't forget fifty bucks, you're gonna need a miracle to win!"

Ray sighs loudly, shaking his head as he walks away and Sonny just smiles.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Oh my god! I can believe we lost that one as well" She laughs

"You wanna go again? " Sonny laughs as he racks up the balls.

She's leaned with her head back against the wall. She smiles watching him "Count me out. I need the ladies room"

"You okay?" Clay frowns. He's now more concerned about how much drink she's had.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just... a lot drink drunk!" she laughs incoherently " I didn't know I had that much I thought it was just a couple of beers. I am such a light weight..." She steps forward, she's lost all sense of direction "Which way?"

"That way..." Clay laughs as he points toward the bathroom "here, I'll give you a hand.."

She hesitates at the door to the ladies room. Rubbing her hand against the smooth of the wooden door "I had Casey in here!"

"Yeah.. yeah you did." He sighs thinking how it feels like a lifetime ago.

"She takes a deep breath "I'm fine I can sort myself from here .. thanks"

"Okay, I'll um... I'll wait at the bar for you"

He orders another beer while he watches the door to the bathroom. Waiting for her to come out.

Rubbing his hand against his head, thinking about how much there is he wants to say to her. He smiles as she staggers back towards them.

Halfway across the bar another guy, at a table, grabs at her hand pulling at her. She turns frowning as she looks at him.

"Hey there baby girl.. "he smiles "where you been all my life?" Standing up in front of her blocking her path, he has his hand stroking along her arm "You wanna another drink, then I know a place where we could go talk in private"

"No thanks .. I'm good" she frowns. She tries to focus as he keep stroking her arm up her side to her neck. She removes his hand, but he moves it to her waist "Get your hands off me"

"Oh British... I like it. Think we can have a lot of fun. You seem to be up for some fun right?"

"I said get your hands off me!"

  
"Oh c'mon, I though you girls all come here to find yaselves some seal love? You don't wanna bit of seal in ya?"

She laughs at him " You!... You're a Navy seal?" she looks him up and down "Oh well, you know... that's my dream guy. That makes you pretty tough right? "

"Yeah I'm pretty tough" he smiles " I could show you how tough"

"No thanks...see I already got one" she points at Clay by the bar. He's now joined by Sonny and Ray as they keep a watchful eye on the situation "Oh look, I have three.." she laughs.

"Hey Clay.. just leave it for now" Sonny holds him back "She's got this.. "

"I should take that guy out.. "

"Yeah, yeah and we will. Just not now ...too many witnesses in here. She's okay, she's got it!"

The guy sighs, backing away "Hey, I'm sorry alright I didn't know. It was just a joke.. a bit of fun. No disrespect, alright!"

Clay can't do as Sonny asks and he's over, swatting the guy away "You keep your hands off her!"

"Clay, it's okay, it's dealt with. Clay, come on this is stupid...calm down!"

"What did he say to you?" he frowns "Kelsey, what did he say?"

"Nothing. It doesn't matter. Look I'm too drunk for this right now... I'm gonna go back to the hotel, can you order me a taxi please"

"Sorry.. Kelsey, I'm sorry, don't go!" Clay sighs

"No, I need some sleep, just book me an uber. I think I'm still jet lagged"

"Jet lagged .." he laughs "more like tequila lagged"

"Yeah maybe you're right.." she laughs " I need some air. My head's spinning."

"Come on we'll go outside and wait. Be cooler out there"

"I should say goodbye, to Sonny and the guys .. first"

"I'll tell them after. Let's get you some air first" He escorts her outside the bar. It's dark and the air is indeed my fresher and cooler. "I'll book one now, back to the hotel."

"Thanks.." she leans her head back against the outside wall of the bar "Oh my god... I am soooo drunk. I haven't felt like this in....well, I don't know how long.. tell Sonny I won't be happy with him in the morning. I can feel a hangover coming on already. I'm a mess!"

Clay laughs loudly. He brushes her hair away from her face "You don't look a mess to me."

She opens her eyes; they're just staring at each other, inches apart. She smiles. Stroking her hand gently against his cheek as his hand brushes against the side of her face and down her neck.

"Clay don't .." She sighs. She can feel her heart beating so fast, with a nervous anticipation.

"You know, you're so beautiful..... I've had a great day today. Kelsey I miss you so much.. "

"Clay.. "She shakes her head "don't!" she's drunkenly tired and her head collapses against his shoulder. She takes a deep breath, filling her nostrils with the scent of his of aftershave... of him. Closing her eyes, she absorbs the smell. Thinking how much she misses it...misses him. She looks up, again, staring him in the eyes "That slide was so funny .. " she starts to laugh again. He also laughs.

While she's lost in thoughts about the day. Her eyes glaze over, watching him in a drunken haze. Then... he can no longer resist her and firmly pressing his lips against hers, he kisses her.

_Mmmm! _She groans loudly. The feeling of his mouth on hers, it's so nice. She likes it. Then realising she likes it, a little too much, she holds her hand on his chest, holding him back. "We.. we shouldn't be doing this!"

"No... no, we shouldn't. Doesn't mean I don't want to though. Kelsey, I want you so much.. I need you back in my life"

"Clay.. " She strokes the back of her hand on his cheek. Staring long and hard, having a conversation with herself about the wrongs of feeling like this. But then she just can't help herself and she kisses him back.

He smiles as he forces and presses his body against her. The solid wall behind her stopping her from getting away, pushing them tightly together. Placing her hand on his chest, she offers some resistance to his advances but then under pressure, finally she caves, giving into the feelings between them.

Her hands grasping at the back of his neck. A frenzy of kisses from both of them. The moans and groaning sounds of pleasure filling the night air. They just can't get enough of each other.

Him taking her hand in his, pinning her arms against the wall, his lust for her takes over and grinding his hips against hers he realizes just how turned on he is. They feel like they're fighting each other, their tongues entwined A myriad of muffled _Oh's _and silent, breathless gasps.

He hitches up the loose hem of her dress then pulling at the sides of her panties underneath, he tugs them down her legs.

"Clay.." she groans again " Clay we can't.." sighing, her gasping she cries out how much she wants him. "I'm not sure _here _is appropriate."

"Wait..." He picks her up. Her legs wrapped around his waist. Then he carries her to the darkness of the alley at the side of the building.

Now he can't stop .His mouth on her neck, working fresh kisses down her body. Unbuttoning the front of the dress to reveal her bra-less body beneath "Oh god!.. "

Just the sight of her flesh and his mouth is all over her, feeling the soft of her breasts, biting and sucking her heaving, breathless, chest. The wet of her excitment flooding the lace between her legs, giving away her want for him. Pulling and grasping at his curls, holding him against her until his mouth is against hers their tongues wrapped together, in the urgent need to satisfy themselves.

"Oh god..._Clay_... " she smiles unbuckling his pants and tugging at his shorts.

Him pulling at the black fabric panties, the only thing now keeping him from sliding inside her. He tugs them all the way down her legs to the ground, then leaning her back against the wall for support, as he looks her in the eyes.

"You want me to stop?" his expression almost begs for her not to refuse.

"No. No..." she can't get her breath "I want you to fuck me... right now!"

"Oh god..." he gasps, his face beams with a smile. Pressing his lips firmly against hers, his hands gripping her hips. Her legs locked tightly around his waist, holding on, as he thrusts himself deep inside her.

The rocking motion, grinding her back against the wall. She doesn't care, they can't get enough of each other. Bouncing her on the hard of his body.

She leans her head back, eyes closed, and he can hear her loud moans as she gets so closer to a peak. Her body filling with burning hot want as it spasms. The intensity of the building orgasm and the associated feelings are pressing against the damp inside her toned thighs.

_Oh, fuck .... _she gasps over and over as he keeps kissing and thrusting so firmly against her body.

Then there's one, long, groaning sigh and he feels her body relax. As she does he can feel his own body tense. Then it's all over. His warm need, filling her.

Staring at her, brushing her messed up hair from her the damp sweat on her forehead "You okay?" he smiles kissing her gently but passionately "Kelsey, I love you so much. I never stopped wanting you"

"I know .."she takes a breath; a nervous anxiety fills her shaking body as he lowers her gently to the ground, her arms still clasped against the back of his neck " I know that now... "

She looks down at their messed-up clothes, her dress hitched around her waist, buttons undone to her navel. She feels like a tramp and embarrassingly pulls the hem of her dress down "_Shit_ .." she rubs at her head

"You alright?"  
  


She nods leaning her head on his chest, listening to the fast beating sound of his heart. She doesn't say a word just holding him, him holding her. 

He smiles. stepping back pulling his pants up he then does the buttons on her dress up, for her. He feels wrung out, exhausted, but so happy right now, but he too is anxiously nervous of what next?

His phone blips "The cabs waiting."

She nods trying to dress herself properly. He smiles as he picks up her panties from the floor and slightly embarrassed she slides them back on, pulling her fingers through her unkempt hair, tidying it "Oh god.. the cab drivers gonna know what we've been doing" she laughs

"C'mon you look fine. He'll never know."

"Clay..... I'm sorry! ....I'm so sorry. We shouldn't have done this .. ."

"Hey, don't be sorry" he kisses her. His hand stroking her cheek "I'm not sorry. I wanted you!" he frowns he can see the doubts written all over her face "Kelsey, come back with me, stay the night"

"I....I can't .. Clay, you know I can't...Oh, we should never have done this.."

"Yes, you can. Just spend the night. We'll work out where we go from here, tomorrow. For tonight I just want to enjoy being with you. I wanna make love to you again"

She looks him in the eyes thinking how much her heart wants him too but she shakes her head. "Clay, no.... I can't! I can't do this. It's so wrong .." She wants to be with him so much that it hurts. But the guilt as it hits her, what she's just done, to Alex, that hurts nearly as much.

He wipes the single tear from her face and holding open the door to the cab, he kisses her "Please, just stay with me tonight."

She shakes her head as more tears trickle down her cheeks. " I'm sorry..."

"Okay..." he nods sighing. He reluctantly gives in to her refusal " We'll get you back to the hotel. It's gonna be alright."

As they get in the cab to leave, Sonny's watching from the bar doorway. He smiles.

Then as he heads back inside, he notices Ray watching him "You okay brother?"

"Oh yeah..." Sonny nods a beaming smile on his face " I'm good! Ray, you know, sometimes you just gotta have a little faith that things' ll work out."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Clay steps inside his apartment. It's dark and empty and without Casey here, it's quiet. He can't hear a single sound except of him sighing.

Placing his keys on the side table, he switches the small lamp on.

He smiles. Gripping her hand her hand in his he pulls her towards him, and gently kisses her "You want a glass of wine or something?"

"No...no nothing else to drink." she smiles, apprehensively nervous "I just to need to go to bed..."

"Really?" He smiles, kissing his lips against her gently " Well what are you waiting for then..."


	51. Guilty

There's a nervous silence. The room's quiet. The two of them stood at the foot of the bed. All she can hear in the calm is the sound of their overly excited breathing.

Apprehensive she stands still while Clay starts to slowly unbutton the front of her dress. Placing her hand nervously against his, she's hesitant. He can feel it, the tremble of her fingers against his skin. He smiles, looking at her, his eyes staring into hers. Trying to reassure her in the dim light of the room.

Looking down at her body while she strokes her fingers in his hair. Averting her gaze as he removes the dress fabric from her shoulder, slowly sliding it down her arm, exposing the nakedness of her breast underneath.

Stroking his hand, very lightly over the soft of her flesh. She heaves a sigh. Anxiously dropping her gaze to the bed, there's a million and one's thoughts running wild in her head.

In the cab back here to the apartment, his words made so much sense. He wanted her, she wanted him this seemed like a great idea. He was kissing her with wild abandon and she was drunkenly responding.  
  
The reality of what they were doing, what it would actually mean were far, far, away. But stood here now, him undressing her in the darkness, about to do something that will change everything, she questions if it's what she really wants. Will it be a mistake and what are going to be the consequences?

It feels like a really huge step and she sighs. Apprehensive her hand grabs again at his, holding it tight, she stops him from touching her. "Clay... " her voice stutters

"You okay?" he whispers. He can see the apprehension in her eyes and feel her body tremble.

"Yeah..." she lies anxiously "I just... I don't know if we should do this?"

"Hey.." he smiles lifting her chin with his fingers. Seeing the doubt flicker across her face he frowns ".... look, we don't have to, not if you're unsure"

She laughs with a nervous tone. _Unsure? Isn't it a little late for unsure? _ Considering what they just did in the dark alley behind the bar. So why would this really be any different? Why would this feel like something much more. After all she'd already cheated what difference would once more make to her conscience.

"I want to, it's just. .." she shrugs " I'm just, not sure it's a good idea. I mean, I want to be with you, it's just....this is a big thing, for all of us."

She looks him in the eyes, her fingers nervously fiddling, twisting the diamond engagement ring around on her hand. Making a choice of whether to carry on or instead to walk away before they get further involved.

He can see her doubts, he can feel her questioning the situation. "What're you thinking?"

He strokes softly, his hand drawing a line down her neck. He steps closer, kissing her but she pulls sharply away from his touch.

"Nothing, it doesn't matter" She sighs. What she's thinking _does _matter, but she's not sure if she can tell him.

"Kelsey, what is it?" he frowns. Watching her, concerned that she won't look at him, she's stood in the dark, biting against her lip. She has something she wants to ask, something important. The answer could change how she feels about this.

"Did you....did you um.... you know, with Audrey, in...." she strokes her hand on the quilt her eyes darting towards the bed " ...in here?"

"What?!..." he gasps, shocked that that's what she's thinking about "No!... Oh god, no! No I wouldn't .. I mean.. I didn't, no. Not in here." He sighs_.  
_

Taking a breath, it hadn't even crossed his mind that's what she was thinking and questioning and he suddenly feels incredibly guilty.

Quickly she wipes a tear from her cheek, pulling at her dress to cover herself "Can you just give me a minute; I need the bathroom to fFreshen up. Would you mind getting me a glass of water?"

"Sure.." He's apprehensive. He just wants her so much. The hardness in his groin is pressing with urgency against his pants, as a reminder. But if she's unsure, then he doesn't want her to feel like he's putting pressure on her. "I'll be right back"

She stands over the basin in the low glow from the bathroom vanity light, over the mirror. She's staring at her reflection, questioning herself.

"Oh god Kelsey, what_ are_ you doing?" Splashing her face with cold water, trying to sober herself up. The sense numbing effect of too much alcohol is starting to wear off.

She dries her face on the towel, looking up, staring at a person she doesn't recognize in the mirror. Twiddling the diamond ring on her finger. Toying with it, twisting it around.

She sighs loudly and then consciously, slides it off. Wearing it makes things feel so much worse, like knowingly cheating and rubbing Alex's nose in it. Taking it off in someway absolves her of some of that guilt.  
  
Holding it up in the light, it's like a symbol. The two choices she has. If she leaves it off her life takes her in one direction, put it back on and she follows another.

Staring at it, lost in thought she's awoken by the warmth of Clay's body against hers, his arms wrapping around her. The rough of his hands smoothing their way around her waist. He again slides her dress from her shoulder, kissing his lips on her bare skin.

"What're you thinking about?"

"Nothing... " She looks at the ring in her hand, shaking her head. "you know, if we do this, then it changes everything. "

"I know, but I want this, because all I want is you. The rest, what happens, we'll deal with it, together."

She closes her eyes, taking deep breath as she leans back against the strength of his chest. His arms holding her so tight, his lips kissing in the crook of her neck.

"Clay, I don't know if I can" she sighs "I mean, how can I hurt him like this?"

"You mean Alex?" Clay frowns. He gets her dilemma, but he doesn't care, not about him. As far as Clay feels he deserves it. It might be true and its callous that's why he won't say it out loud. He's happy if it hurts him, but he doesn't want her to pay the price. "Kelsey you can' t stay unhappy, just because you don't want to hurt him. This about us, about Casey. About us being a family together."

"Don't.. don't put that on me. Please..... That's just it, I'm not unhappy, I mean Alex, he doesn't make me unhappy, it's not about that it's just...." She starts to cry, and he turns her around, looking at her as he kisses her.

"It's just what? "

"It's just... he's not you!"

He smiles, wiping the wet tears from face. Then putting his lips gently against hers, he kisses her so slowly and passionately. He looks her deep in the eyes, then holding his breath he takes the ring from her fingers, laying it carefully on the shelf by the sink.

Taking a hold of her hand, he smiles. Then he leads her from the bathroom down the hall to the bedroom "Come on..."

o-o-o-o-o-o

At the bedside he unbuttons her dress, dropping it onto the floor.

He smiles looking at her in front him and he gently strokes his hands over her waist. Then pulling his shirt up over his head and dropping his pants, taking them off.

Both of the them now naked. Her eyes looking over his body, caressing each curve of the muscles on his chest. His fingers gently gripping at her hip.

Her hand resting on his waist then stroking down over the curve of his butt as his hand grabs more firmly at her, pulling her close. Now she can feel how much of a hard want he has for her, his lust pressing against her. 

Standing close to him, her cheek resting against his chest. The smell of him is intoxicating and it makes her heart beat much harder. She takes slow, deep and precise breaths of air then griping her fingers around the side of his neck she pulls him forward and presses her lips against his. Kissing.

His mouth locked on hers. He uses his strength and lifts her up on to the bed.

Smiling, he crashes down on top of her. His weight makes her gasp, then she smiles. His knee against her thigh, he gently parts her legs. Her hesitant to his touch, but she doesn't reject him his hand against the softer parts of her body.

She gasps for breath, his fingers now awakening her earlier lust. Closing her eyes she's enjoying the soft, gentle rubbing, the feeling of his firmness on her leg. It's turning her on.

Her hand finds his hardness gently stroking her fingers along the length. He groans, whispering calmly in her ear "Kelsey, I love you.."

He smiles, enjoying so much the gentle tug of her hand. Pressing his mouth more wantonly against hers, kissing in a locked embrace.

They break for air.

She strokes the side of his face looking at him then in a sudden movement that takes him by surprise, she forces him over on to his back. Sitting upright astride his waist, lifting her hair with her hand, tying it up on top of her head with the band from around her wrist.

His hands gently stroking their way over the nakedness of her body, the soft firmness of her breasts down a line onto her stomach She's turning him on so much.

_Mmmm...._ he groans softly. He wants her so much but it's her body that moves, grinding against his.

She smiles, leaning forwards she drops kisses onto his chest. This is all so much slower and more controlled than the needy sex outside the bar earlier.

They want each other so much but this is a time to relax and enjoy the moment. This is about making love This is thought out and this is why it's going to hurt so much more. She knows this is her making a choice and not a drunken fumble. There are no excuses about her doing this.No justification other than she wants to.

Moments of quiet groans pass between them as they get more worked up their bodies thrusting harder and more urgently. The moaning becomes louder and more intense until finally she leans back gasping breathless. He can feel the surge, the tense of her muscles as the warm sensation of her orgasm fills every part of her body.

He smiles, leaning forward, kissing her. Then before she can think clearly he moves her, turning her over, positioning on her hands and knees, head buried against the soft pillows. Now it much more needy it's about him fulfilling his desires as he thrusts much harder. His hand strokes down her back, his fingers on the curves of her neck holding her while he takes what he's been wanting.

_Mmmm... _ she can hear him groan with pleasure, the pressure building the moment is coming and then she feels his warm satisfaction inside her. "Oh god... Kelsey!" he moans her name out loud before contentedly smiling and collapsing his body, against hers. _Shit!.._ he sighs _That felt so good... _For him it's been the perfect end to the evening, everything he could have wanted.

They lay quiet, him on his side next to her, draping his arm over her waist, spooning tightly against her back.

She sighs. For her it's not so perfect. The all-consuming feelings of self-doubt, of worry and ache of guilt coursing through her veins.

He can feel the tension as he kisses her neck. His hands smoothing over her body "You okay?"

She nods but doesn't answer. What could she say?

Taking a breath, the tiring effects of the alcohol and sex taking its toll, her eyelids heavy, she closes her eyes.

Suddenly realizing she's awake she opens her eyes, blinking the sleep from them. _Oh..._ she silently groans to herself.

Her head hurts. A lot.

Tentatively she reaches her hand for the Clay's phone, on the dresser next to the bed, and checks the time

05:00hrs

She takes a deep breath then very quietly sits herself up on the bed.

Clay's turned facing the other way, sound asleep she can hear the sound of his heavy, steady breathing. Scooping up his shirt from floor, she slips it on, covering her naked body. Then standing up she heads to the bathroom.

Looking in the mirror she takes a deep breath, touching her fingers to the light red mark on her neck where Clay gently bit against her skin as they made love.

Her hair's a mess, she feels dirty. It's not just her body but her mind as well. She considers taking a shower, but she doesn't want to wake Clay, needing the quiet time to get her feelings in order first.

She fills the basin with clean water and washes herself. As she dries her face with the towel she stares at her reflection. How tired she looks.

Then her eyes glance downwards, looking at the white gold, diamond ring still on the shelf where Clay placed it when he took it from her hand.

Picking it up she sighs loudly. Taking a deeper, more anxious breath, swallowing she feels so nervously guilty.

Looking to the door she notices on the chair, in the corner, her jeans. She'd left them there when she changed to go out last night. She puts them on. Then placing the engagement ring in her pocket, she very quietly closes the bathroom door. In the hallway she looks at the bedroom, considering going back to bed but doesn't.

Out in the lighter brighter space of the living room reality sets in "Oh god... " she sighs running her fingers through her matted hair. Taking a breath, she heads into the kitchen.

Running the tap, filling a large glass of water, she gulps it back. Her mouth dehydrated from last night's alcohol consumption. She can't believe how drunk she was. She didn't think she had that much this must be a consequence of not drinking for so long.

Her heads throbbing. It's like her brain is pounding to get out as the hangover sets in.

She searches the cabinets for some pain relief, finally finding it in the top drawer among all the paperwork. The white plastic bottle, Tylenol, she empties two into her hand she drinks them down with some more of the water.

Her head aches so much. Alcohol, lack of sleep and the overwhelming feelings of guilt.

Taking a breath, she closes her eyes. _Shit!.._. She hurts, the pain now making her cry. Clamping her hand tight against her mouth so that she doesn't wake Clay, she sobs. "Oh god, what have you done?.."

Taking some air and gaining some control, she opens her eyes.

Placing the pill bottle back in the drawer, about to close it, her eyes are drawn to the small dark blue item. _Casey's passport _It lays with Clay's and she gently smooths her fingertips over the both of them.

Her chest heaves as her breathing quickens and she looks up towards the hallway. Picking the passport up she looks at his baby picture inside.

She smiles.

All she can think of now is one thing, her baby son and the sudden need to hold him. Gathering up the personal possessions of hers, piling them into her large brown leather bag. Still dressed in Clay's tee, she tucks it into her jeans. Then picking her sneakers up from by the door she puts them on.

Last night before they made love she given so much considered thought about what she was doing. Now....now she gives none. Just acting on a spur of the moment. An emotional need.

Only one quick moment of hesitation where she wonders if she should go back, but making the decision not to. She closes the outer door to the apartment, before walking down the hallway. Outside in the air she orders a cab.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Hey .." Ash frowns as he opens the door. Looking at his watch he checks the time "... this is a pleasant, if not somewhat early, surprise!"

"Yeah sorry. I know it's um...early, I should have probably called first but something came up and I have to go back to the UK , this morning. I have a flight booked. " She sighs nervously.

He frowns watching her can see the tension etched in her tired looking face. The fact her hair's just tied up loosely and she's not wearing any makeup. It also looks to him like she's wearing one of Clay's tee shirts. "Kelsey are you okay?"

"Yeah.. " she forces a smiles "yeah I'm fine I um... it's the hospital. An appointment for a scan I'd been waiting, I don't wanna miss it. You know , so I need to get back. I just thought I might spend a couple of hours with Casey before I go, if that's alright with you?"

"Okay... yeah sure. Come in. I was just making him some breakfast. You want somethin' to eat... some coffee?"

"Coffee would be great!"

Ash takes two cups from the cabinet and pours in the coffee from the machine. "Looks like it was quite a night.. "

  
"What?!..." She frowns concerned that he knows something "What do you mean?"

"Nothing just... well you look a little hungover."

"Oh yeah.. you know, I did have a bit too much. I'm not used to it I guess. Takes time to get in the swing of partying again" she laughs, sipping from the much needed coffee.

"So, what's the scan for? You said the hospital?"

"Oh um... my hip, they just waiting to check on it. Have to take the appointment when you can get it"

"I thought the Navy would take care of all that, I mean you're still in service,right? I thought Clay said the new job was still Navy"

"Yeah just err.. . it was the Navy but I still had to wait for the appointment" she smiles nervously at his suspicious questioning

"Very rushed though. Having to go back like that"

  
"It's not for a couple of days but I wanted to be back in time. Early flight today was all I could get."

" Yeah I guess so. Look, you sit there, have your coffee and I'll take him upstairs and get him dressed for you. What were you gonna do?"

  
"What?..." she frowns

"With Casey, you said you wanted a couple of hours with him. Where were you gonna take him?"

"Oh... just out for a walk, the park, something like that. Just spend some time with him. I don't know when I'm going to be able to come back and see him." she swallows nervously, her stomach churning with nausea . She can only stare at him she doesn't know what else to say.

"Yeah he likes the park, feeding the ducks" Ash smiles. Somethings not right. Her mannerisms are all off but though he can feel it Ash doesn't know what's wrong. "I'll just get him dressed then. Be right back." 

_**Okay we're hurtling towards a finish line now but you know me... there'll be a few more twisty turns of event before we're over and done. I mean how is Alex going to react if he finds out. Are you all still out there? If so keep reading!** _


	52. Tell me what happened.

Clay wakes. He yawns, stretching his arms to the ceiling, he turns over smiling. “Good morn…” 

He breaks mid-sentence and frowns. The space next to him in the bed is empty. Unconcerned he reaches over, taking his phone from the dresser he checks the time.

“Kelsey!…”He listens then getting no response, he jumps out from the bed. Standing up he first finds himself some clean shorts, pulling them on to cover his naked body. “Kels… where are you?” The frown on his face deepens. But he smiles seeing her black dress , in a heap, on the floor, still laid where he took it off her last night, he knows this definitely wasn't a drunken dream.

Checking the bathroom first, it’s quiet and unoccupied. He rubs at his head wondering where she is. “Kelsey…” it’s too quiet and now he does start to get a little apprehensive. 

Wandering to the living room there's nothing untoward there that bothers him but he does notice her sneakers are moved from the doorway. He remembers they were there because in her drunken state last night she took them off in the cab and he’d placed them by the door when they got back.

Now he smiles. The bottle of Tylenol stood on the kitchen counter by the open cabinet drawer. “Bagels and coffee…” He relaxes. 

It was always her go to from the local store, when she was severely hungover. The norm usually was to make pitiful doe eyes and send him, but she must have been desperate this morning and gone for herself while he was still sleeping.

He looks up, to rapping of a knock at the door _No key!_ "Hey, I hope you got me… “ he stops talking, faced with Sonny not Kelsey “What the hell are you doing here?"

“Hey..” Sonny grins “I have food!” His smiles soon turns to a frown at the disappointment on Clay’s face “What?! I didn’t come too early did I?” he winks, laughing pushing the cup of hot coffee into Clay’s hand."So, how'd it go? Did you two you know... get it on?"

“What do you mean?”

“Clay come on man don’t play games, spill. Did ya bring her back or not?”

Clay looks down and shakes his head embarrassed. Then he nods looking up, he smiles “Yeah .. yeah she came back... now give me that food!” He laughs

“So where is she? Still sleepin it off I guess. I may have over done the vodka, a teeny lil bit there..”

“Vodka? What vodka. Kelsey wasn't drinking vodka” he frowns looking at Sonny's nervous body language “Sonny what did you do?”

“Hey, does it really matter. End result still the same!”

“Yeah it matters. I asked you what you did?”

“Okay.. alright, calm down. I know I probably shouldn’t done but... just figured she needed a lil helping hand, you know a push in the right direction.” He sighs. The look Clay's giving him makes him feel a little guilty. “Okay so I mighta added a few shots of vodka to her beer, nothin over the top”

“Jesus Sonny…. no wonder she was so drunk”

“Not too drunk I hope?” he gives a wry smile

“No…” Clay hushes his voice “no, not too drunk! But that's not the point."

“So, she gonna move back, in here with you?”

“Sonny slow down alright. We haven’t’ really talked about that side of things… but I'd guess so, I mean no reason not to, right?”

“Right, but you been too _busy _ta talk about it…”

“Yeah... no! I think she may have gone to get food. You remember what she’s like when she’s hungover!” he laughs “I was still asleep when she went out.”

“Okay…” Sonny frowns something suddenly doesn’t feel right. He’s never known Kelsey go out for food when she hanging from the night before. She’s always...always, made Clay go.

“Sonny, you know this is gonna be hard for her. Alex, I can’t see him taking this lying down. He’s gonna be mad. I don’t want her having to deal with that alone.”

“Hey… she’s tough. Clay, she’ll do what’s right. Just let her deal with it, her way. You try ‘an stay away from him, before it gets messy”

“Sonny, it already got messy. I could tell, she was already worrying about what happened last night.”

“But she still stayed!”

Clay nods “Yeah, she did..” He sighs turning around in the kitchen “She must be _really_ hungover” he picks up the bottle of pills and places them back in the open drawer. He laughs “You know Sonny, you better not let her find out what you did, to her drink. She will kill you”

“Yeah, aint that the truth…”

“What the hell….” Clay interrupts him. Frowning he opens the drawer wider, sifting around in the paperwork. “No, that can’t be right, it’s always here!”

“What the hell you talkin’ 'bout now. What’s always here?”

“The passport .. Casey’s passport. I always keep it in this drawer.”

“And what about it?” Sonny frowns confused

“It’s not here now.” he moves all the papers around, his own passport lays there on the top “Sonny Casey’s passport, it’s not in here!”

“You sure? I mean you didn’t put it no where else?”

“No, I remember I put it back when I brought him home, when I got back from deployment I collected him from Ash, and I put it back, right here, in the drawer. Where the hell has it gone?”

Now he panics. A feeling of dread filling his bones. He rushes around the apartment. Her jacket, her purse are both gone from the couch where she threw them last night.

In the bathroom the clothes are gone from the chair and… _Oh fuck!!!..._ _The engagement ring! _It's gone from the shelf!

He rushes to the kitchen picking up his phone. He stares at Sonny “She’s gone! She's gonna take Casey!”

“Woah!...What? Clay slow down, why the hell would she take Casey? She was here with you last night. You sure you checked everywhere it could be?”

“All her stuff it's gone and her ring. She took her engagement ring off, last night. And now it’s gone from the shelf. She’s gonna go back to Alex. You know I could see she wasn’t comfortable last night, that she was worrying about telling him. Oh my god ...I pushed her too hard, she had too much to drink and should have backed off!” 

He rubs his hand over his head. She's not answering her phone “Come on pick up!” He hangs up and calls again “Kelsey… call me when you get this. Please don’t do anything before you talk to me… please I’m begging you, don’t take him!”

“She not answerin ?" Sonny frowns he now feels anxious "Who you callin now?"

"Ash! … Casey’s there, I have to make sure he doesn’t let her get him.”

“Clay slow down, alright. Look she’s not gonna take him, just like that. We'll go over there, just ta be sure. Get dressed and I'll drive ya."

“Why wouldn’t she take him? If she thinks last night was a mistake. What if she's decided she wants to be with Alex. This is her opportunity to …_shit!._.”

“Clay, calm down. We’ll sort this” Sonny doesn’t say it, but he’s worried too.

“Ash .. you get this message then you call me back…it’s urgent. Do not let Kelsey take Casey!”

o-o-o-o-o-o

Kelsey looks at her phone as it vibrates with another call. Now she switches it off. Dropping it into her bag. Taking Casey's passport out, she stares at it.

Her thoughts are broken by the vibrating sound of another mobile. It's Ash’s. On the dresser, it’s on charge and she can see Clay’s name calling. Leaning over she switches it off. 

She’s feeling apprehensive, her mind swirling with thought as she sits at the breakfast bar. Ash still upstairs. She's just staring into the dark liquid coffee in her cup.

Swallowing nervously, she scratches her head. Checking the time on her watch as Ash now returns. Casey's dressed and taking a deep breath she forces a smile.

“Okay Mommy, we’re ready to go!" Ash smiles but he's also feeling apprehensive. He can see the deep slow breaths she’s taking. Her chest heaving, he can feel the nervous aura around her. “Kelsey are you okay?” he frowns “You know, if you need someone to talk to, then I’m a pretty good listener. Oh, I can imagine what Clay's told you about me. But he’s still my son. I always want the best for him but that doesn’t mean I think he’s perfect. What he did to you, before, he should never have done and I know it must have hurt.” He smiles sympathetically “ But if you need someone, to listen, then I’m here and I won’t say anything to him. Whatever you tell me, stays between us. ”

“I’m fine…” she smiles “really I am. Look, I should go…” A huge single tear trickles slowly down her cheek. She looks at him. Her teeth biting against her quivering lip. 

Then it’s like a tap turns on and she can’t stop crying. Ash just stares at her, quietly waiting until she stops. With back of her hand she wipes all the tears away “Sorry…” she forces another smile which quickly turns to a frown.

“Why don’t you tell me what’s happened?”

She sighs then slowly pulls the blue passport from her bag, showing it to him “What should I do?”

Ash gasps quietly, glad that she’s come clean with him. He sighs. Not much worries him in life, he’s seen enough danger and heart break in his career, but this, what he now considers she might have done, it's worrying. “I guess I’ll make some more coffee. I really, think we need to talk”

She nods, the tears are flowing fast, dripping from her chin. He hands he some tissues, and Casey. But holding his hand out he waits as she nervously hesitates before giving him the passport.

Holding Casey tightly against her body, she rocks him in her arms kissing her lips against the top of his head. “Ash, I don’t know what to do!”

Ash places the passport in his back jeans pocket then turning around he puts some fresh coffee in the machine _Fuck! _He sighs to himself realizing what possibly may have been about to happen.

“You won’t tell him.” She sobs “Clay I mean…About.. about this.”

“That depends, on what you tell me” He takes a breath “Hell I told him to sort this out, properly."

How the hell they both thought some drunken fumble was not going to make things worse, he doesn’t know.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Ash looks up from his seat on the stool at the breakfast bar. The heavy sounds of banging on the front door _Shit!…. _He takes a deep breath “Alright! I’m coming…”

The banging gets louder, harder and more frantic “Open this damn door up or I’m gonna kick it down!”

“Clay, just calm the hell down alright!” Sonny frowns “Just don’t go in there like a bull on heat… just cool it”

“Cool it?! Sonny if he’s let her take my son, then I swear to god, I'll kill him”

“Clay…..” Sonny takes a breath. _Shit!..._ This is all now escalating out of control.

“HEY Ash!... I said open this _fuckin _door!” Clay kicks at it hard. He can feel himself getting more frantic. “What’s keeping him Sonny?”

“Hey, what’s going on?” Ash frowns. As he opens the door Clay pushes past nearly knocking him over. “Where is he?.... Where’s Casey?”

“Clay, just calm down, alright .. he's fine!”

“Where is he then? I need to see him.”

“Clay, hold on, he’s taking a nap, in there ... Don't wake him.”

Checking for himself he sees Casey is indeed in his travel cot fast asleep. He takes a deep breath, calming himself. His heart nearly bursting out from his chest, never even on operations as he been this fearful.

“Clay, don’t disturb him, let him sleep.” Ash takes the passport from his pocket and hands it to him. 

He closes his eyes “Thank god.. oh my…I thought I’d lost him. I thought she’d taken him for sure.. _Shit!_.” He drops down onto the seat on the couch. His head in his hands “Where is she? I need to talk to her?” he frowns looking up at Ash “Where? Ash I said_ where_ is she?”

“She’s gone!”

“Gone? What do you mean gone? Gone where. I need to talk to her. I thought …” he sighs “Where’s she gone, back to the hotel?”

“Maybe, first. I put her in a cab about twenty minutes ago. She’s getting a flight back to the UK, later today.”

“Flight? But I don't understand. Why would she get a flight? I mean we… I thought after last night she wanted… that she wanted to be with me.”

He picks up his phone and calls her again, sighing loudly when it goes straight to answerphone “Kelsey please … please pick up the damn phone and talk to me.” his head drops as he cuts off the call “ She’s still not answering her messages”

“Give her some time. Clay, she got a lot she needs to think through. Things to sort out. This isn’t just about you.”

“She was gonna take him, wasn’t she? Did you stop her?”

“No! No, she gave that to me. It was her own choice to tell me. I didn’t know. For what it’s worth, I don’t think she would have done it, taken him I mean. She loves him too much, to do that. She loves both of you. I just told you just give her some time”

“What the hell do you know?”

“Because… she told me what happened, between the two of you. What she wants. What she needs to do”

“She told you?" Clay laughs loudly “Why…why would she talk to you and not to me?”

“Perhaps because she needed someone who would listen to her. That wouldn’t take sides. That wouldn’t kick off if she mentioned Alex, and the way she feels about him.”

“The way she feels about him?! What... so she’s gonna go back to him? Is that what she told you?” Clay laughs “She talks to you about him, and now she’s gone! _Fuck!_…What the hell did you say to her? Did you tell her to go back to him?” he makes a grab for Ash, stepping forward into his space, his hand grabbing his shirt. Ash doesn’t flinch but Sonny places an arm between them “What… did you say to her?”

“Clay…” Sonny interrupts “ listen to me. Don’t do this, man. Casey’s safe, he’s alright.. so calm the hell down!”

“I didn’t say anything, I just listened. She worked the rest out for herself. I told you…you need to give her some time. She’ll work it through, and she’ll come up with the right thing”

“Work it through? Did she tell you we slept together, last night that we had sex? She came back to my place, because he wanted to. Did she tell you that?!”

“Yeah she told me what happened. You know you might have done better to have not let her get so drunk. Maybe have talked to her instead of taking advantage.”

“Taking advantage. I didn't take advantage, she wanted it too." he sighs rubbing his head "But you’re right.. maybe she was too drunk” he looks over staring at Sonny “I just can’t believe you let her go like that! Why the hell didn't you call me, I could have stopped her. I need to stop her. I need to go!”

“Clay wait! You need to leave her be. I didn't tell you because she didn’t want me to. She said she needs to do this her way. What’s right for her. You being here would’ve only made it harder”

“No, no it wouldn’t. I’d have talked to her, I'd have listened this time. I love her, and I want her to stay here!”

“And she knows you do. But even if you don't wanna hear it, she loves Alex as well. Maybe not as much as she does you, but she need to do the right thing by him. Clay, she just seems a little confused right now, it’s all up in the air. Just let her sort it out. ”

Clay takes a deep breath, calming himself “Would you have let her take him, Casey. If she’d have wanted to? Would you have stopped her from taking him?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. I really don’t know. But she didn’t ask me. ”

_Fuck!..._ Clay sighs rubbing his hands through his hair.

“Son, I warned you to sort this out properly. But as always you knew better…Maybe her taking him would be for the best, just not like this. Not snatching him away without talking to you. You really wanna know... I wouldn’t have let her do that!”

“You know what I’m taking Casey home but first I need to go to the airport. I need to stop her getting that flight!”

“No! You need to stay away and let her come back to you, when she's ready”

As they talk both Clay and Sonny’s phones bleep. Sonny checks on his “Shit! .. We gotta go Clay!”

“Damn it!!! _Fuck_… I ..”Clay’s furious, getting spun up right now is the last thing he needs.

“Son go do your job. You can’t do anything here. Casey’s fine, I’ll sort his childcare today, just go! Get your head where it needs to be and stay safe, alright”

“C’mon Clay let's go” Sonny pulls at his arm

“Sonny, I can’t just let her go like this”

“Way I see it, you aint got no choice. You don't come back with me ... Jason's gonna have your ass for breakfast, you know that. Like Ash said you gotta let her work it through, let her deal with the asshole herself. Clay there’s nothing else you can do, not now. Casey was the main concern, and he’s just fine. He's goin' no where. Ash is gonna keep him safe. Just c'mon.."

“Just do what Sonny says and go. Stop being so stubborn. It’s what got you were you are" Ash stares at him " But... something you need to think about, rather than keep thinking everyone is against you. People are here for you Clay, just let them be there.”

“What? When have you ever been here for me?” he takes a breath “Tell me which flight she's on?”

“I don't know I didn’t ask.”

“So, did she tell you if she’s coming back or is she going back to him?" Clay frowns, watching, something about Ash the way he it's unsettling “She’s leaving us, isn't she? Is that what she told you?”

“No! No, that’s not what she told me. But son, I don’t know if she’s coming back to you, not for sure”

"Clay man, c’mon. We need to go or Jay’s gonna have our ass’s!”

“Sure fine. Like you said, Casey’s okay, that's all I care about. But you hear from her..” he points at Ash “ then you let me know straight away.”

After Clay kisses Casey goodbye he and Sonny go. Casey's awake and sitting up in his cot he starts to cry.

“Hey…hey it’s okay. _Shhh!…_” Ash picks him up, carrying him through to the kitchen.

“Thanks ..” 

He looks up watching as Kelsey walks down the stairs 

“Thanks for not telling him that I was here. I know it was a lot to ask. I just need some time, to sort things out.”

“It’s a one off. Don’t ask me to lie to my son again. I only just got things back on track with him, if he finds out that you were here, and I didn’t tell him… well, I don’t know. I won’t lose my son and grandson for you. Are we clear”?

“Yes… clear!” She smiles taking Casey from his arms holding him tight.

“So, what are you going to do now?”

“I’m going to get my flight. I need to see Alex. He's back late next week” She sighs “Then... then I don’t know. I have work ...the Navy's not just gonna let me walk away. I need to think this through. I don't want to rush into something with Clay that won't work "

“You know Clay loves you very much.”

“I know, and really, I love him too. But Ash, I need to sort this, my way. He really hurt me before, the whole Audrey thing..... just like I'm about to hurt Alex. I was a mess last night, I was so drunk but that's no excuse. I just need to be sure this time that things will work. And first that means sorting things with Alex. Properly. I can't have that hanging over us.”

Ash sighs he pulls her close holding her “Kelsey, just sort it out, and please call Clay as soon as you can. I don't like him going out on operations with his head all over the place, you know as well as I do its not any good for him or the team.”

She leans against him smiling at Casey. “Mummy’s gonna leave you with Grandad. You be a good boy. I’ll call you in a couple of days. Thank you, for this.”


	53. Confessions

** Five days later  **

Clay leans back resting on the wooden bench. Their C17 flight is headed back. The mission was on the Serbian border and it 's a long flight, he's tired.  
  
No one's really talking to him. He messed up. Not paying attention at the right time and it's gotten Trent hurt.

Clay's arm hurts and he sighs loudly, rubbing the bandage on his forearm. It's covering a powder burn from the explosion they were involved in.   
  
_ Shit!..._ His hand rubbing against his forehead, he knows he needs to sort himself out. He has to get back focused on his job. All the emotional turmoil with Kelsey is screwing with his mind and it's messing up his career.

He looks over to the gurney where Trent's laid. He can see the medics putting a drip up. 

Jason's standing at his bedside but his eyes are focused, scowling at Clay. He can feel them burning into him. And he sighs closing his eyes, shutting him out. He's been warned numerous times to focus to _get his head in the game_ and he didn't.

Ray's spent most of the flight keeping them apart and trying to calm Jason down. A losing battle and he worries once off this plane that Jason's going to flip out on Clay. It's a tense hellish atmosphere.

Sonny stood over him. He grins sympathetically handing him a beer "You okay?"

"I guess." Clay nods "Is he gonna be alright?"

"Who Trent? Yeah... yeah they said so we got him out in time. Jays' more pissed about losing the HVT, but that weren't exactly your fault so, you probably gonna get a pass on that. But that don't mean Jason gonna give you a free ride. What the hell were you thinking out there Clay?"

"I don't know. I guess I just switched off. Hell, we'd sat there waiting for so long, doing nothing. I lost concentration. It won't happen again. Lesson learned."

"No, you damn right there. I sure hope this gives you a wake-up call. Clay you need to sort your head out before you or someone else gets hurt!"

"I know." he sips from the bottle of beer "What the hell am I gonna do Sonny. I can't stop thinking about her?"

"Well... my advice, for what it's worth. I think, you need to put her to the back of your mind. Just concentrate on Casey and work. According to Ash, she's focusing on her, so you need to focus on you. You can't keep lettin' this happen, for sure."

"No.. no, I can't." he leans back "Do think she's gonna go back to him.. to Alex, I mean?"

"I dunno ... if I was a bettin' man then I'd say no. But then I always so damn sure she was gonna get back with you, but now I don't know. I think that whole Audrey thing, well, it rocked her. I guess she has to be sure in her head, you not gonna do it again"

"No, you're right. She can't seem to get past that. Even the other night she asked about it. I should've sorted it sooner, talked to her about. Instead I just hoped it would go away."

"Clay, I don't even think it was about you havin' sex with her. I think it's more the fact she was in your..., her, home with her kid. I think that's what's the problem and I don't know how you get around that"

"Yeah, I guess Ash was right. All I can do now, is let her work through it, her way" he sighs, sipping more beer " You know I could have caught her at the airport. I could have stopped her leaving"

"Maybe but she still has to go back; she can't just walk out on the Navy and she needs to talk to _him_. So maybe this is the best way."

Clay's phone finally comes to life with a signal. He sits up, frowning as he sees her name on the screen. _Shit!.._

"What is it?"

"Kelsey, she's sent me text" He looks around, nervously. He's not wanting to give Jason any excuse to yell at him, unsure if he could stand it again. Well not right now. Glancing over towards him he can see he now has back to them. And so, he opens the text. Relieved that even after five days she's got in touch

"It's gotta be good right that she's contacted me?"

"Depends..." Sonny shrugs "what'd she say?"

"Clay .." he begins to read it out loud " I'm sorry that I left like that. I will explain. I just need some time alone. I have a lot of things I need to sort out. But I'll be in touch, soon. Give Casey a big kiss from me and hug him tight. Please stay safe" he laughs looking at his arm "But don't be angry. If you love me you'll give me this time. ... I love you, both of you, very much. K x"

He takes a deep breath and looks up at Sonny he shrugs "Is that good or bad?"

"It's given her some time! So... that's what you do. What you got to lose?"

Leaning back against the seat, he sighs gathering his thoughts together. He's tired and his emotions are a little on edge but he's glad he's heard from her. He feels happier.

"So, you don't think I should reply or call her, maybe?

"Nope! That's not what she's askin'. What did Ash say, about listenin'?"

"Yeah but at the same time, I don't want her to think I'm just ignoring her"

"My advice... lets get back, go see Casey. Then we get some beers, sink back and relax. You aint gonna change nothin' today. Clay give both of ya some time out"

"How much time though Sonny?"

"Much as she needs, I guess. Clay don't worry alright, I gotta good feelin once her head is clear, she'll come back. She's gonna call ya, at some point. For a start she's not gonna ignore Casey"

"You think ? But what if she decides she's better off taking Casey to live with her. What if she decides Alex is the one she wants to be with? Then what do I do?"

"Trust me Clay, she won't. She' gonna come back. Hey, when am I ever wrong.?" He laughs "Now you need to go make up with Jason put that in order first."**_  
_**

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

** _ Ten days later _ **

Hearing the front door open and then click shut she takes a deep breath and sits upright on the stool, at the large kitchen table.

"Hey!!... Kelsey!!!....You here?" Placing his bag down in the doorway he smiles as he sees her "Hey! How are you?"

"Hey.. yeah I'm good." she forces herself to smile. Staying calm as he kisses her cheek "How are you? Everything go okay, the training I mean? "

"Yeah it worked out, as courses go. Few arseholes to deal with, as normal, but we got there in the end."

She smiles as he brushes another kiss across her lips, this time his hand sliding around her back over her waist. She tenses and he can feel it.

"What's going on? You okay?"

"Yeah, look I'll let you get unpacked and clean up, and then can we talk?"

"Um.. not really babe, I only came back to grab some clean clothes. We're shipping out for a while, something came up. Work, you know how it is."

"You're headed out again?" she frowns "Okay, well um... I really do need to talk to you, before you go. Alex it's important"

"Can it wait until I get back?" he starts un-packing his bag " I need to shower and get my stuff together. I haven't got that long"

"Not really" She takes a deep breath, she's nervous and holding the ring hidden in her hand, she taps it against the surface of the table. The constant noise becomes irritating and he stands straight and looks at her

"Okay, you got my attention. What is it, that's so important it can't wait?"

She closes her eyes and takes another breath, looking down at the ring in her hand, she slides it across the table towards him.

"I can't marry you." she sniffs the emotion getting to her. She'd built this up into such a big moment while waiting for him to come home, that now it's here it's somewhat overwhelming. "Alex, I'm so sorry."

She leaves the ring in the middle of the table her eyes focusing on it and not looking at him.

"Okay..." Taken by surprise, he's lost for words and he stands tall, folding his arms staring at her "any reason in particular or you want me to guess?"

"I'm sorry, it just won't work between us" she bites at her lip nervously. She had a grand speech all prepared, where she was just going to tell him straight, say her reasons get it all out in one statement. But now looking at him, this beautiful, perfect guy that she loved so much she can't say it.

She aches at the fact she now has to hurt him. Knowing he had all his dreams invested in this. It's all she's known him to want for like...forever. Happy families. Glancing up looking at him as they stare at each other.

"Okay, so you don't want to get married .. it's too soon, I get it. But what, you're saying you don't love me? Kelsey, is that what you're saying?"

"No. I do... love you; you know that. Just... just not enough. You're my best friend Alex. You've always been there for me and I don't want to lose that but, being your wife...that's not me" she takes a moment, composing herself "I'm going to move my stuff out. I thought I might go back to the flat for a while, just until I sort out what I'm going to do"

"Okay... sure, of course. If you need some time some space to work this out. Fine. Just tell me you're not leaving me. That we can work through whatever this is ... that is not over for good?"

She shakes her head, a tear escaping down her cheek. The look on his face begging her to stay "I'm sorry, Alex, I can't tell you that."

He lets out a breath, exasperated "So do I get an explanation. This sudden change of mind. I mean I thought you were happy. If you weren't why didn't you say something?"

"I wasn't unhappy, I mean, you don't make me unhappy but... I'm sorry."

"Sorry? I don't make you unhappy but, you're sorry. I don't understand your logic here. So why do you want to leave?"

"Because I ... I did something, while I was away. Something that changes things." she sniffs, she can feel the tears welling in the rim of her eyes, her voice cracking with emotion. Her throat is dry, making it hard to explain.

Leaning, his knuckles on the table, using his intimidating size, stood facing toward her. It's almost like he's interrogating her "What did you do? " he takes a breath not moving "Kelsey .. look at me, _what _did you do?"

She looks down, she can't face him. Wiping the tears from her cheeks " I um.. . " she shakes her head " I'm so...so sorry."

"I said... what did you do?" he asks quietly at first then when she still won't answer he becomes much more aggressive. Banging his fist down hard on the table in front of her face, focusing her attention " Tell me!! What the fuck did you do?"

She can tell now that he's guessed. That he knows what she's done, and it makes it worse to say it. "Sorry... " she cries.

"Sorry?! No... no I want you to say it, say what you did!"

"Alex please.. " she closes her eyes; she doesn't want to say it and she rubs he head "I um... I...I slept with someone. I was drunk and I... "she doesn't know why she said that, she knows she wasn't drunk, at least not when they made love at the apartment. Then she knew the choice she was making but still she needs something to excuse what she's done.

"You slept with someone?" he can feel the focus of his anger building. He knows exactly what's happened " Who? Who did you sleep with? "

"Alex...please.."

"I said who?! Say it Kelsey. Say his fucking name!"

She bites nervously at her lip, prolonging the moment then closing her eyes, taking a breath "Clay!.. I slept with Clay. But you know that don't you?"

He frowns, stepping back from the table rubbing his head. The sound of her saying his name, it hurts.

_Fuck!..._ "I knew it. I knew I couldn't trust you to be near him. That you still had feelings for him. The fact you wouldn't tell him we were getting married. Always defending his behavior with Casey. Letting him have his own way over every decision about your son. You still love him don't you?" he takes a breath "Don't answer that, of course, you do, I'm not that stupid. How many times?"

"What? " she frowns looking up at him "How many times what?"

"How many times did you sleep with him?"

"Alex... don't! Does it matter?"

"It matters to me.How many times did you have sex with him"?

"Oh god... Alex please!... It was one .. one night. We went for drinks and I got too drunk. Look, that's not an excuse but it's what happened. Alex, I'm sorry"

"Did you ever love me, enough to marry me?"

"Maybe.. I don't know. It was all so rushed. I .. I didn't think about it properly. And you took me by surprise at the party. It was too much, in front of everyone like that. I didn't have time to think. Alex you've pushed so hard on this marriage, a family. I didn't have time to think about what I wanted." She pause wiping the floods of tears from her face. Her heart is beating at a million miles an hour "What Clay did ..with her. It knocked me sideways, and I wanted to get back at him."

"So, you used me. You said yes to hurt Clay. Is that what you're saying?"

"No. No, I .. I don't know, maybe a little. I love you both. Just in different ways"

"But you love him more.. obviously. So why are you going to the flat? Why not go back to him?"

"I just need some space for a while. I have to sort myself out and there's work. I need to be sure this time. I mean of course I want to be with Casey... so much, but I also need to be sure me and Clay can work out. That means I have to be sure of myself. I need to get my confidence back. Having Casey, the way I did. The accident then him sleeping with her... it's shaken me up. I not who I was, and I need to get on top of that first."

She watches as Alex paces around the kitchen. Looking down at the ring on the table, he stands quiet. Then suddenly without warning there's a loud bang. The crashing sounds of breaking crockery. He swipes all of the cups from the worktop. Smashing them on to the tiled floor of the kitchen._Fuck!!_

He sighs. Calming himself, he questions her "Why him Kelsey?" he frowns "Out of all the guys you've ever dated why would he be the one? A cock sure American, with attitude and he treated you like shit! Fucking the babysitter in _your_ home while you were away from _your_ child.. come on that's low"

"Alex...don't!" 

She closes her eyes, releasing a calming breath "Clay made a mistake and he knows it."

"There you go, defending him again. Well maybe you're made for each other. " he sighs "You know what, go! Go be with him. I don't care if that's what you want. But we can't be friends anymore. I'm not gonna be here for you this time, when it all goes wrong. And it will. Those guys, SEALS, what they do. They're not built to sustain a relationship. But you go give it a try maybe you'll be the exception"

He turns his back on her, facing out of the window. He knows what he said was hurtful. He meant it that way. Doesn't mean he likes saying it to her.

She looks at the broken cups on the floor and getting down from her stool, she takes out the brush and dust ban from the cabinet and sweeping them up.

"Leave it!" Alex frowns, turning he watches her. When she doesn't stop he grabs the brush from her hand throwing it across the room "I said _leave_ it!"

She sits where she is on the floor and starts to cry. He's pacing around behind her. She can hear him swearing, trying to calm himself down.

"You know, I could have forgiven you sleeping with anyone, but not him. There's always been something I just don't like about him" he sighs "You wanted to hurt me, going back to him, you did it"

"Alex.. please, I am so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. Never!"

"I guess this was going to happen, at some point. I mean you have a child that lives in another country. That wasn't going to work forever without some changes."

She stands up. Placing her had against his cheek, looking him in the eyes." I really didn't set out to hurt you. Believe that"

"Yeah well you did!" he pulls away and his anger builds again like a huge wave "You know while we're here doing confessions, then I guess I should come clean too. "

"What?" she frowns stepping back "What the hell are you talking about? What confession"

"Me.... I have one of my own. Oh, it was a nothing fuck but, you may as well know"

"What do you mean _a nothing fuck?_ What have you done?" she takes a breath swallowing nervously.

"When I came back. From Casey's birthday. My flight...it wasn't delayed. I changed it to get a later one"

"What!? But why, I thought you were mad because you were going to be late back. Alex...what's going on?"

"Nothing's going on. I told you .. it was nothing. I'm not proud of myself, but it was just sex. I mean you have to admit, you'd been a little reluctant in that department for a while"

"What? Alex, you know why that was".

"I thought I did. But you put out quick enough for Clay, didn't you." he smirks at her " Maybe your mind was elsewhere. Maybe it wasn't me when were in bed. Maybe you fantasizing .. elsewhere?"

"Alex stop it! Tell me what you did."

"I had sex with someone too, at the airport hotel"

"You did what?" she gasps "You had sex, with someone? What you just hooked up with some random pickup at the airport ? Oh my god... " She slaps him hard in the face. 

She looks away. Unsure if she's disgusted by what he's done or embarrassed for slapping him. "Sorry, I shouldn't have done that. Just ... why? Why would you do that?"

"I told you. It was just sex. She came on to me, I kind of fancied her. The opportunity arose, so I took advantage of it" He bites his lip watching her.

"So how? I mean, what... you were just chatting to some random and said do you want sex?"

"No. She wasn't quite a random pickup. I knew her. I mean I'd met her before. Kelsey, it was just sex. There was nothing more to it for me, or her!"

"So, who then? I mean when did you _meet,_ you were only there for a day. When did you have the chance to..." Her brain is playing over what happened from when they arrived until they left the it clicks the barbecue "Oh my god.. no! _Ellen?!!_ ...You slept with Ellen didn't you? She came on to you at the barbecue, and you took her up on it! For fuck sake Alex! Why?"

"I don't know she text .. sexted, me a few times, flirted. She kinda instigated it. Just said she wanted to have sex, no strings. That's what it was. Just a hump in a hotel room."

"Ellen!" she sits down. The news is like a punch in the gut "You slept with her, but you knew she was seeing Clay. This was about getting one over on Clay, wasn't it? Did you even like her?"

"She was okay, she was _fun._ Maybe Clay was some of the appeal but maybe that was her getting one over on him. She told me in the hotel, she knew he wasn't over you. Perhaps I should have paid more attention. He's always so sure of himself, maybe she wanted to bring him down a notch"

"Oh, look who's talking. You just met up with someone for sex. You can't point the finger about him being sure of himself. Alex your ego sometimes! You know she was using you? She didn't care she just wanted to chalk it up that she had you same as she was with Clay. Like military fetish going on. But I can't believe you cheated on me like that"

"Oh fuck! That's a bit rich coming from you... given what you just sat here and told me. Listen to yourself Kelsey. You screwed Clay behind my back. Makes us even I think"

His words hurt because they are the truth and she can't answer him.

"I'm sorry. God this is a mess" He takes a breath, checking the time on his watch "Look I have to go. I'm sorry. I really do. Use the flat as long as you like. Just leave the keys to the house when you go. I don't know how long I'm going to be gone. We um... have to go to Venezuela so ... I won't be able to get in touch with you."

"Okay.." She nods, looking at him. She smiles resigned to the fact there's nothing more they can say to each other.


	54. The end.

** _ Thanksgiving holiday 6 weeks later  _ **

She straightens her shirt and pulling her hands through her hair, tidies herself. Then with anxious nerves setting in she takes a deep breath. Stepping forward toward the door she knocks gently.

Though her and Clay have spoken a few times in the past few weeks, and she calls to see Casey most days when she can, this is the first time they've seen each other in person, since they slept together.

Clay's been desperately waiting for her to arrive and he quickly opens the door on hearing her knock. "Hey!"

"Hey..." she smiles "Sorry, I'm a little late. I had a few things to take care of after my flight landed and it took a little longer than I anticipated"

"It's fine. We haven't started yet, so it's not a problem." He grins helplessly, stood there staring at her "You look great!" he smiles "How are you?"

"I'm good... you?"

"Yeah I'm good. Casey's gonna be so excited to see you." He's almost lost for words not knowing what to say. Looking at her, he can't believe she's really here in front of him and his obvious excitement's bubbling inside "I've been trying to explain to him all week, that you were coming. I'm not sure he got it, but he can say Mummy now!"

"Really?" she smiles "I've been so impatient to get here. It feels like it’s been such a long time. Almost like being on deployment again. Seeing him each day on the phone, it's not the same. I wanted to come a couple of weeks ago, but I couldn't get any more leave authorized. We had a big exercise on, so it was impossible. But, I'm here now. Where is he?"

She smiles looking through the open doorway behind him and she can see the guys, Trent, Metal and Sonny , sitting at the table, drinking "Can I come in then?"

"Oh yeah, sorry...sure come in!" As she brushes past him in the doorway he can't resist, and he gently kisses her cheek. "I missed you!"

"I missed you too." she smiles "Clay.... we'll talk later. I have some job news to tell you"

"Okay.." he smiles. There's a huge surge of excitement in his stomach. One he hasn't felt in a while.

"HEY!!!" Sonny stands up coming over, grabbing her, picking her up. Kissing against her cheek he whispers in her ear "So glad you were able to come. I get a feeling this is gonna be at great thanksgiving! "

"Hey Sonny... hi guys!" she waves to the others. Taking her jacket off laying it on the couch . "I'm so glad to be here with you today"

"Hey Casey.." Sonny smiles "look, mummy's here!"

She smiles as Casey reaches his arms forward from where he's sitting in his highchair. She lifts him out, holding him tightly against her chest, beaming with happy delight. "I missed you so much!" she sighs, filled with the feeling that she never wants to let him go.

"Hey... sit ya pretty ass, here next to me" Metal moves around so she can sit next to Casey at the table, opposite to where Clay's sitting.

Any awkward feelings of apprehension are gone and chatting with the boys, Sonny filling her glass with wine, it feels as if she hasn't been away.

They all look up as Clay brings the large bronzed turkey, placing it in the middle of the table. Smiling, he's pleased with himself.

"Oh my god... Clay, did you cook this?" she frowns looking at him in wonder. "It looks absolutely amazing.."

"Yeah I did. Thanks!"

Sonny laughs "Yeah he's brushin' up on them house husband skills, 'case he needs them. Ain't that right Clay?"

"Shut the hell up Sonny!" he nervously smiles. The joke making him feel awkward. He sighs. He still can't believe she's here. So excited that he wants so much to reach out and to touch her. Everyone can see it and they exchange knowing glances, smiling at each other.

"Well, I'd like to make a toast!" Sonny raises his beer bottle "To Clay...thanks for this fine dinner, oh, an' for invitin' us strays along to join your family."

Casey's smiling happily. It makes Kelsey smile as she watches him, and Clay interact. Clay giving him some vegetables and turkey on his plate. Him picking it up with is fingers and shoving it in his mouth.

"So..." Clay smiles at her "you said you have some employment news?"

"Maybe..." she grins. sipping her wine as the guys all turn and look at her.

"So... you gonna spill then? C'mon tell us, what's the job?" Sonny questions.

"Well you might not like it..." she laughs

Clay frowns, it suddenly concerns him, what it might be and whether it means he might see her less.

"It's not definite yet. I only just interviewed for it, so I don't know for sure but it's for a private contractor, they provide CPP and intelligence protection, in the Middle East. You know personal protection for business guys and consultants" She gulps her wine down, knowing it might not sit well with the guys. "A lot of ex special forces.. you know how it goes. But it pays well, better than the Navy" she smiles.

"You really gonna give up the Navy?" Sonny frowns looking at Metal, neither of them really like the types of guys that do that sort of thing, but they know the money is good as they've all been approached by those types of firms.

"Maybe. I don't know. Like I said I haven't got it yet"

"A gun for hire?" Clay frowns "Kelsey, I don't understand, what the hell're you gonna be doing?"

"Oh, don't worry" she laughs "It's not me doing the protection stuff. Is that what you thought? No. Though bit more exciting than my current position that's a little too much. I'll leave that stuff to you boys. No, it's um.... running logistics for them, from an office"

"But in the middle east?" Clay frowns.

"No. No actually, it's in Virginia Beach." she bites at her lip nervously hoping he'll be as excited as she is about the idea "It comes with an apartment and they're going to sort a work visa. Like I say, I haven't got it yet, but they seemed keen, because of my Navy record" She sighs none of them have spoken and she frowns wondering if they hate the idea "Means I can see Casey more"

Clay smiles "Really...it's in Virginia Beach?"

"Yeah..." She nods " be good, right? For us I mean?"

"Yeah .. yeah it would be great!"

She smiles sighing with relief "Well we'll see then. Hopefully I'll get it."

"Hey if you need a word puttin' in" Sonny smiles "you know you only have to ask.. we could get Jace to speak to them, if you need a reference."

"It's okay, actually I put Ash down. They all seemed to know who he was. I hope that was okay?"

"It's fine." Clay smiles. Finally, his father's reputation is useful for something.

  
"Okay, well we'll see then. Clay, let me help you clear the table. This was great. I'm so stuffed." she rubs her hand over her stomach. Puffing, she feels so full up, the button on her jeans is tight.

"Well I hope you left room for dessert. Naima made us a pumpkin pie"

"Well, I'm sure I'll find room for some of that" she smiles "I'll give you a hand in the kitchen."

Everyone else at the table, watching the two of them. Happy. They try to hide their smiles, exchanging quiet glances with each other.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Kelsey places the dishes in the sink as Clay gets the pie from the refrigerator.  
  
"So, how soon will you hear about the job?"

"I don't know yet. That's why I was late, I went to see them when I arrived. I just have to wait a few days now. You happy about it?"

"Yeah....yeah of course. It would be great.. for Casey I mean, he can see a lot more of you."

"I figured that he could stay over with me, more and I can have him if you get spun up. We can work stuff out, see how things go"

"Yeah..." he smiles "yeah we'll see. Just take things slow, right?"

"Yeah..."

"But you really gonna give up the Navy ?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it feels like the right thing to do now, for Casey, for me.. us, as a family. Clay, look, I know things have been on hold, and that's my fault. I had a lot of stuff I needed to work through and with my work, and yours it's got between us but, I was hoping we could talk after dinner. sort things out?"

"Yeah..." he smiles touching her cheek "I'd like that"

She grins "Well you sort the dessert and we'll talk later. I just need the bathroom. I won't be a minute"

"Okay." He smiles, he feels so good now "Right guys, who wants pie?"

They all raise their hands as Clay places it on the table. Sonny can see the look on his face.

"You okay?"

"Yeah.. .yeah I'm great! Things are really looking up Sonny. Like you said gonna be a good thanksgiving"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Kelsey takes a deep breath. Stood in the bathroom, she stares at herself in the mirror. She feels nervous but happy that she's finally making some decision about her life. Getting it in order.

_Hmm!_ She sighs rubbing the ache in her stomach "Too much dinner... "

She feels an urgent need to pee. Undoing her jeans dropping them she hesitates.

"Oh god..." she frowns, swallowing anxiously, her hands shake as she looks at the blood staining her underwear "What the hell...."

_Urggghh!_ she groans at the cramp in her lower stomach. Sitting herself on the side of the bath, she rubs at her head confused. "Oh no....no!" She takes deep breath opening the door she calls down the hall "Clay... _Clay!!!_ ....Can you come in here!"

They all look up from the table hearing her cries of distress.Something about the urgent sounding tone concerns them.

Clay frowns. Gently knocking on the partially open door. "Kelsey....are you okay?" He pushes the door, frowning as he sees her sat on the side of the bath with her jeans around her knees.

She shakes her head "No!... Clay, something's wrong."

"Shall I get Trent?" he frowns concerned

"No. I need to go to the hospital."

"Okay, okay um... what's going on?"

"I don't know.. I .." her lip quivers, shuddering with shock "I'm not sure."

"Okay let's get you up" Pulling at her clothes, tugging them up, as he helps her out from the bathroom "You're gonna be okay. It's gonna be alright."

Her body's shaking. She feels confused and little lost. Only guessing about what's happening to her.

"Sonny!! Take care of Casey!" he orders "And call Ash, tell him what's happened. Get him to pick him up from here."

"Um.. .yeah sure Clay, what the hell's goin' on?"

The guys all stand up watching as she picks her bag up and Clay helps her to the door.

Trent frowns "Is she okay, anything I can do?"

"No.... no, thanks Trent but she needs the hospital."

"Clay, what's goin' on..."

"Sonny, I'll call you later, when I know more." He shakes his head frowning he's not sure what's going on either.

"Okay alright, just let me know. Take care of her and don't worry we'll take sort everythin' here"

o-o-o-o-o-o

As they arrive at the hospital reception, he sits her down. Then taking his cell from his pocket he checks it. _  
_

_Fuck!! _"No not now!"

"What is it?" she frowns looking up from the seat, grimacing with the ache "Are you getting spun up?"

"Kelsey, I don't have to go. I can stay. I'll call Jason. You need someone with you"

"No! No, this is not your problem. I'll be fine. You need to go. Clay it's your job. I can take care of this. There's nothing you can do here anyway. Please... you only just got things square'd up with Jason. Don't give him an excuse, not now. Please just go!"

"Are you sure?" he frowns "Really I can stay!"

"Ms Roberts?" The nurse calls out her name

"Yeah here!"

"Ma'am, you wanna come through to the examination area..... Are you her husband?"

"Me?" Clay frowns "um.. no! No.. I'm a friend" he sighs wondering why he said that.

"Okay well you'll have to wait out here, I'm afraid. At least until the doctor has taken a look at her".

"Clay go! Please. I'll be fine"

"Okay, if you're sure. You want me to call anyone?"

"No..." she sighs "No I'm fine."

"How about Alex? You need me to call him ?"

"No um...Clay, Alex and I... we split up. I was gonna tell you, today. Sorry I... No! No, don't call him about this. I'll handle it"

"Okay, as long as you're sure. Look you need anything, then call Ash. I'll call and explain to him before I go."

"Okay. Thanks. I will"

He turns to leave, then turning back. He takes hold of her cheek and kisses her. Neither of them say a word and then he's gone.

She looks at the nurse as she helps her through to the side room. "Work... " she smiles awkwardly "he's on call"

"Okay! I understand." the nurse sympathetically smiles. "Well if you get undressed then we'll take a look at you. See what's been going on."

Kelsey nods. Tears running down her face, as she unbuttons her jeans.

"Try not to worry. It's not always as dramatic as you think. Let the doctor take a look at you first"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Hey Sonny, come 'ere. What the hell's wrong with him, now?" Jason frowns watching Clay, lost in thought, sat on the bench in the corner of the cages, while the rest of them get geared up, ready to spin up.

"Um.. .." Sonny frowns rubbing his head "Kelsey..."

"Oh Jesus Christ!" he sighs "Really? If I hear her name again to do with him mopin' around.. I thought he'd sorted himself out with that one?"

"What's goin on?" Ray frowns as he joins them. He can feel the tension in the air, already.

"Hey Clay....get your head up.” Jason glares at him shouting across the room "you need to snap the hell outta it, right now!"

"Jace... " Sonny pushes him back towards Ray "just calm down alright, back it off a little."

"Back off? What! I gotta put up with this again? Risk him gettin' people hurt?"

"No just.. he'll be fine, I'll speak to him okay; I'll sort it. Jace...back off, she's in the damn hospital."

"What the hell?" Both Jason and Ray frown. "She alright?"

"Sonny, what's going on man? What's wrong with her?" Ray takes a breath, folding his arms

Sonny hushes his voice, keeping his back to Clay "She um... she’s bleedin'. You know down there. He thinks it might be a miscarriage"

"Oh hell" Ray cocks his eyebrow "Brother you sure? Did um... did someone call Alex and let him know?"

"No, no I don' think so. Clay didn't say nothin' about that. I guess um.... oh hell, I didn't think"

"Well I guess _he's_ not going to. You want me to?" Ray questions.

"Yeah maybe that'd be a good idea. Better comin' from you than him right?"

"That's what I'm thinkin' brother. I'll do it now before we go."

"Ray hold up! And maybe, it's none of our business. Maybe we should leave it"

Jason looks at him "Yeah Ray maybe stay out of it. Sonny's right. Let her sort it out, it's her problem not ours. We just need to keep him in the game. Sonny get him up and ready to go! If you think he's not in a fit state, then tell me and I'll bench him for now"

"No Jace, I think he'd be better doin' somethin'"

"Look, I don't' have time for this. Sonny I need two snipers for this op, but I need them focused. Is he gonna be that?"

"Yeah he ll be fine. Trust me he'll be good!"

Ray sighs. He's getting his things together and he takes a moment, checking his phone. Then stepping outside in the quiet of the corridor, he makes the call.

"Hey .. Alex" It goes to voicemail "it's Ray.. Perry. I don't know when you'll get his message but um.. . I'm getting spun up, so you won't be able to contact me but... I just thought you should know. Kelsey she's in the hospital, here. They um.. they think, she might be havin' a miscarriage. I just figured; you should know. I mean I know .. I'd wanna know, if it was me. Anyway, I'll leave it with you to decide what you wanna do. For what it's worth, I'm sorry. Talk to you soon"

He sighs loudly, rubbing his head. He feels nervous unsure if it was the right thing to do. But knowing if it was him he'd hope someone would have called him.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

** 36 hours later  **

Kelsey's packing her few belongings into her bag. taking her phone from the charger. As she turns around she gasps in surprise.

"Alex!..... What the hell are you doing here?"

He smiles, standing in the doorway of the hospital room. "Would you believe I've been in New York staying with some friends for the week." he sighs "Ray, he called me, left a message telling me you were here. I figured as I was only a flight away, I should come. So, are you okay?"

"You shouldn't have come here Alex. Ray shouldn't have called you. I don't need you here"

"Well Ray was right; I had a right to know. Why the hell didn't you tell me you were pregnant. You know how long I've wanted that."

"I didn't know... that I was. Not until, yesterday .. " she sighs " I never even thought about it. I just thought it was work, stress. It never crossed my mind." she sits on the bed staring at him "Oh god what a mess. What am I gonna do? I just applied for a damn job here.."

Alex frowns watching her "I need to know something... how far gone, are you?"

She won't look at him and rubs her head, her lip trembling as she looks up "They think about eight weeks. Alex... "

"I knew it... " he shakes his head. "When I was coming here. I knew it wasn't mine. We both know it can't be." he sighs loudly

"Sorry. I didn't know he was going to call you"

"Does he know?"

"No, not yet. He got spun up after he dropped me off here " Her lip trembles and she cries, sobbing loudly into her hand.

He actually feels sorry for her and wrapping his arms around her shoulders, he holds her. "Kelsey I'm sorry.. I'd never wish this on you. So, are they discharging you?"

"Yeah they said I could leave. Told me to take it easy and rest for a couple of days. I'll get a hotel"

"You need a lift there?"

"No.. No, I've gotta get some things from the doctor first, so I'll be a while . But thanks"

"Okay well ... "he kisses her cheek. His hand on her face he then kisses her full on the lips. She pushes him back

"Alex don't!"

"Sorry.. look, I'm staying here, overnight. Gonna catch up with a friend .." he smiles. " before my flight back to New York. But if you need anything, please, just call me"

"Catch up with a friend.. " she laughs "Oh... I can guess..."

"Yeah well, figured why not. Kelsey, I am serious though. if you want anything, call me"

"Thanks for the offer. Alex, look I know you speak to Ray, but can I ask you not mention this to him yet. I don't want it getting back to Clay, not before I have a chance to tell him myself"

"You gonna stay here with him? With Clay I mean.."

"I don't know yet. I might have a job here, but I need to go back to the UK first. This has thrown me a bit. I'll be okay, I just need some rest"

He nods looking at her. "I'm going to go then. If you sure you don't need me?" there's a long silence and then he sighs "Take care of yourself .. " he kisses her on the cheek "Goodbye Kelsey"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"You know Sonny I really shouldn't be here. I need to get back; I need to pick up Casey from Ash."

"It's just a beer... c'mon relax, unwind. So, you heard from Kelsey yet?"

"No. No, she's not returned my calls. The hospital said they discharged her earlier but that's all they would tell me."

"Maybe she's sleepin'. I'm sure she'll call ya when she's got a chance. Look relax alright. Then you can go get our lil champ and... oh hell?!..." Stopping mid-sentence, Sonny frowns "You know maybe you're right, maybe we should turnaround and go back, go get Casey .... "

"What? " Clay frowns at Sonny's sudden change of mind " Sonny, what's going on?" Clay looks around behind him. His eyes scanning the busy bar "What _the hell _is he doing here?"

"Oh, hell!" Ray frowns. He's just coming in through the door and he spots Alex sat at the bar. He sighs

"You know about this?" Sonny frowns at him "He tell ya he was gonna be here?"

"No, I didn't know that, but I did , you know.. . did call , told him about Kelsey.." He takes a breath "Hey don't look at me like that I thought he deserved to know about what happened."

"You did what? Ray what the hell! Why, would you?"

" I told you, I thought he should know. You'd wanna know, right? If it was you, your baby."

Clay turns on him. He's fuming, fueled by anger "Didn't he tell you? Him and Kelsey, they're not together now. And she was the one, told me not to call him. Now she's gonna think I did this!"

"Oh hell, look man, I didn't know. I’m sorry alright. But I still he deserved to know. I really didn't know he was gonna come here, though"

Shit! Clay sighs. "I thought he might be out of her life for good, but now.."

"Hey… ignore him, okay! You don't have to have nothin' to do with him. Let's just go"

"No, I want to know what the hell he’s doing here, in the bar. Why's he not with her? I mean, least he can do is be there for her, right?"

"Clay... I dunno, maybe she told him to go. Maybe she don' want nothin' to do with him. Come on Clay don't go spoilin’ for a fight. There ain't no need, man!" Sonny grabs at him, holding him back.

"Get the hell off me Sonny! I need to find out what's going on" He takes a deep breath puffing himself up. Sonny's right he is looking for a fight. Just seeing him makes him angry "Hey... so, what's going on? You been to see Kelsey?"

"Oh God....here we go.." Alex sighs, rolling his eyes. He grins, smirking" Clay, what can I do for you?"

"I just wanna know what you're doing here. Why you aren't there with her? Giving her some support. What you just left her on her own?"

"Well after Ray called me, I got a flight. I was in a New York but would seem Kelsey doesn’t need my help. So, then I thought, I know, I'll get a drink while I'm here."

"And you had to come here, out of all he bars, it had to be this one."

"Well I like the clientele here. " he smirks.

Looking around Ellen, who'd been in the ladies’ room, re-joins him at the bar. Sitting herself on the stool next to him. "Oh, hello Clay... " she smiles

"Oh my god! I don't believe you. What you're getting it on with him? Seriously!"

"Well why not.." she grins "he has very obvious attractions...."

"You're sick you know that. Alex, she's just lost your baby and you're sitting here, cozying up to her. What the fuck..." Clay's fuming Sonny can see it and he steps between them.

"Oh, here he is... your guard dog.. Tell him down boy!"

"What the hell’ d you say?" Sonny rises to the bait "I said what did you say?"

Alex now pushes his stool back standing up " I said down boy..."

Sonny festers gripping his fist "You know, I thought you learned your lesson last time, we did this. But now Kelsey's not here to protect you. You so outta your depth now. See this is our turf...'n' you ain't welcome here, so why don't you put your tail between your legs and do one.."

"I don’t think so!"

"Alex!..." Ellen gets worried by Sonny's posture "Maybe we should go?"

"No, I don't think so" he bites his lip staring at Clay "So... how come you aren’t with her? I mean you questioning my morals when it’s got nothing to do with me. Not since she acted like a whore, getting screwed by you, behind my back!"

"Don't talk like that about her" he points aggressively in Alex's direction.

"Why? Don’t you like the truth? " He watches he can see Clay’s anger boiling up and he laughs "What Clay, what’re you gonna do? In front of all these people. Your team leader watching. Come on then... do it if you want"

"No! No Sonny was right before, you're not worth it. You know I can't believe you...." he directs his anger in Ellen's direction "you, wanna be with a guy who abandons a woman, that's just lost his baby, to sit in a bar with you"

"My baby?" he smiles "I don't think so"

Clay loses it now and grabs at him, punching him full in the face. Sonny and Ray scramble, frantically grabbing him, hauling him back.

Full Metal stands up, he’s sat next to Jason at the bar. Jason places his hand on his arm holding him back

"Let him work some of it out of his system first. That asshole deserves what he's gonna get." Jason gets up to go "Metal, keep an eye, just don't let it get out of hand. I'm goin’ home. I don't need to be seein' it."

"Okay chief" Metal smiles picking up his beer, leaning back watching as Clay now can't stop. He punches again knocking Alex backwards over the table behind him . The glasses clatter to the floor.

"Guys.. come on knock it off!" the barman tries to intervene with words. There's no way he's getting involved. He knows from experience, when the guys kick off, then it's better to let them work it out. Someone more able than him, will stop them.

Ellen jumps back, her drink spilling down the front of her white shirt "What the hell! Clay stop it!" she screams.

Alex stand up holding his face "Fuck you!" he now swings back, his fist catching Clay on the side of the face.

Again, Clay swings for him, thumping him hard in the ribs. Alex doubles over, Ray grabbing hold of him, but it's too late, the thud as Clay’s punch connects again with his chest.

Alex winded. His face bloodied and bruised. The blood from his nose running down his chin.   
  
Clay now catches him on the side of the head and as he prepares to throw yet another punch, Full Metal steps in pushing them both apart with ease, standing between them holding them apart, he’s staring at Alex as he stands up to him. The two of them are equal in height. He doesn’t worry Metal in the slightest "Knock it off… now"!

Alex shakes his head, while Sonny takes the opportunity to get in front of Clay holding him back. He's still spoiling to fight but Metal turns on him. "Enough! I think you proved your point"

Clay won’t give and goes again. He's furious. His hate for Alex spilling over and Metal pushes him back " I said calm your ass down! And you ... " he turns facing Alex "You get your stuff and get the fuck outta here. Do you understand me? I won’t say it again".

Alex laughs wiping his face "He's welcome to her. Oh....and maybe you should think more carefully first, before you come in here telling me I should be facing up to my responsibility!"

"What the hell's that supposed to mean? You know you're such an asshole.."

"Oh Clay, come on. Are you serious? She said you were intelligent. I guess not. Did you to speak to her?” Alex wipe the blood from his nose.

"Not yet... Why? What's going on?"

"Seriously ... you didn't work it out. Surely it must have crossed your mind" he still manages to laugh at him, despite the pain in his ribs "She was only eight weeks pregnant. It wasn't mine!"

"What!..." Clay's shocked. He takes a breath, taking a step back. He frowns. In the rush to leave it really had only been a flickering thought. "What you’re saying it was mine?"

"Seriously, it didn’t cross your mind?"

"Where is she?"

"I don't know. She said she was getting a hotel" Ray now offers Alex cloth from behind the bar to wipe the blood from his face. "I don't know where she is now, but the baby couldn't have been mine"

Shit!.. Clay sighs "I need to go find her" 

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Everything calms down and Clay steps outside with Sonny by his side. He sucks in the fresher air. Leaving the claustrophobic atmosphere of the bar inside. His anger subsiding .

He feels gutted and sinking to the ground with his head in his hands he takes a deep breath, rubbing his hand across his aching jaw.

"Clay! Hey Clay..." Sonny calls, getting his attention.

"Sonny leave me alone a minute I need to think"

"No... Clay, look. You need to see this "

Ash's truck pulls up in the parking lot nearby they watch as Kelsey steps out, holding Casey tightly in her arms.

Clay stand himself "What the hell's going on? What's she doing with him?... Kelsey, what's going on?"

"Clay, can we go somewhere, I need to talk to you"

"What are you doing with him?" frowning, he's worried. "Kelsey, I asked you what you're doing?"

"Clay please can we talk, and I'll explain"

"Give him here! What do you think you're doing?"

"Clay, woah! Just calm down, alright" Sonny grabs hold of him, he can see he's still pumped from the fight. He's also worried why Kelsey has Casey. "Clay, just talk to her. Don't go streaming in there guns blazin'"

Ray, Metal and Trent wait by the doorway watching things unfold.

""Sonny, I wanna know what she's doing with Casey? Kelsey are you leaving. You're not taking him.. you give him here, to me!"

"Clay please, just listen. I'm not going to take him. I just need to talk to you"

"No! I'm not listening, until you hand him over"

"Okay" she sighs, passing him over "Here, Casey go to Daddy..." she smiles

"Hey little man..."Clay sighs loudly, relieved to be holding him "Okay, so what's going on? Are you leaving because of what happened?"

"I'm not leaving Clay.. " she smiles "But if I take it or not, depends on what you say. I want Casey to come live with me and... "

"No... wait! No, I don’t think so.. he stays with me"

"But Clay, you don't understand, I've thought about it, I have the apartment, but I also got some compensation, from the accident. So, I was gonna look to buy a bigger place, may be with a garden.. .for Casey. It makes more sense."

"You, wanna buy a place here?" he frowns

"Yeah.. I'm gonna need a bigger a place, so I'll have room for him and.. Clay I ...."

"No!" he interrupts "Look, I'll think about it. Maybe come to an arrangement so he can stay over a few nights a week something like that at first"

"No, you don't understand. I want it permanent and I want you to come live with us too"

"What?! " He looks her surprised "You want me to live with you? You and Casey, you mean that?"

Mmmm hmmm! She nods smiling "Clay, I love you!" she steps forward so they are only inches apart "I want us to be a family. I know I just got a new job but I'm gonna need some help.. with um..." she take a hold of his hand placing it against her stomach ". with the new baby. I'm gonna need you around. If you want to..." she takes a breath, tears rolling down her face

"Wait! .. what the hell?! A new baby...us?"

"Yeah... seems so. I was just bleeding; I have to take it easy for a couple of weeks, but the scan said everything was okay"

"Wait! You're still pregnant? Oh my god..." he gasps. As she nods nervously excited

"I know crazy right? Not exactly what I had planned but we can cope, can't we?"

"Yeah... yeah we can.. I think we can. Oh my god, I love you so much!" he kisses her slowly and passionately "Are you serious.... we're having another baby!!" he feels like he's in shock.

She nods again as he smiles looking at her "Casey you hear that ... you’re gonna be a big brother!”

"Yeah he is" she bites apprehensively at her lips as she strokes Clay's hair " And you never know..” she smiles, wrapping her arms around his neck, kissing him "This time, we might get our baby girl!"

**XX - The end - XX**

**Well I don't normally do them, but most of you wanted it for them .....A happy ending!!!   
**

**I hope. xxx Thank you all that kept reading. Let’s hope Kelsey and Clay make it work. **


	55. Happily ever after.

** _Sorry this chapter was not my fault!!_ ** _! _

**But as many know I don't usually do Happily ever after but he idea was there (via request) and so spawned another chapter! Just a bit of fun fluff (and a bit of smut) to round them off before sending them on their way to be happy! xxx**

** The day of their Wedding **

"Hey, come here, let me fix that for you." Jason smiles. 

He's been watching Clay nervously fiddle, trying to pin the floral buttonhole on his lapel. His hands and body shaking he couldn't hold it. He grins thanking him as Jason pats him reassuringly on the shoulder

"You're gonna be fine, just relax."

"Oh, man! I'm so damn nervous" he looks at his hands, his fingers are trembling as he checks himself in the full-length mirror on the hotel room wall. The grin on his face beams as he pulls his shirt down, straightening his tie. Then running his hand through his curls, he turns and looks at the rest of the guys "So how do I look?"

The guys are sat in various positions, lounging around on the couches in the room. 'Metal' wearing his matching suit, laid back on the bed, he nods and smiles "Looks good to me!"

Sonny, seeing how nervous he is stands up, looking him over, brushing any lint fluff from his shoulder "You'll do! Ya know, I still don't see why she damn well wants to marry you though.." he laughs "but now I look at ya in this suit well, maybe could fancy ya’ ll a lil myself"

"Shut up Sonny!" he sighs "C'mon here man." He hugs him tight "Thanks for doing this today, you don't know how much it means, to have you here...all of you!"

"Hey where else would we be today... I mean you have a free bar right" Sonny laughs

"It's not a free bar Sonny,.." Clay frowns

"Oh well that's me out then ... " Metal jokingly gets up off of the bed.

"All jokin’ aside Clay. I'm proud, you askin' me to be your best man, means a lot." Sonny hugs him tight "Right, so… " he now hands him a glass of the whiskey, the same as they all have "get that down ya! Calm ya nerves"

Clay closes his eyes.

Taking a deep breath, he turns around and again checks himself in the mirror. Standing up tall, puffing his chest out, looking at the blue suit he's wearing. He pulls the waistcoat down. Smiling at how good the choice was. Fits a little tight on the muscles of his arms, but otherwise he looks good. He turns around, facing the guys, looking at them all in the matching attire to his.

Jason pours everyone another drink, topping up the glasses. Then he raises his glass in the air "A toast .. to Bravo and to Clay! To him being very happy with the new.... Mrs Spenser! And wishing you good luck and happiness for the future"

Clay drops his head slightly embarrassed. The guys all clinking their glasses in celebration. He couldn't feel happier than he does right now, especially after what they've been through in the past two years. This feels settled and he feels complete.

Jason stares watching him. Thinking about the irritating struggles and endless clashes the two of them have had. But looking at him now, he feels like a proud father giving his son away.   
  
He drinks his whiskey back in one gulp and then checking the time on his watch "Right... I need to go! I have woman waiting for me" he smiles " I'll catch you at the ceremony. Good luck!"

"Yeah. Look, Jace..." Clay hushes his voice, turning his back on the others " thanks for everything, and for today, for doing this. I know Kelsey appreciates it"

"Hey c'mon, it's nothin' okay.. Now, get your head in the game there Spenser. Buckle up! You got a weddin' to go to." he sighs looking Clay in the eyes "You're gonna be happy Clay, she loves you very much. You got two beautiful babies and a door kicker for a son, literally from what I saw earlier..." he laughs "You're a lucky guy, make the most of it"

"I'm gonna go too... " Ray smiles as he hugs him tight "gotta go give Naima a hand with the kids, or she's gonna kick my ass into next week! Five kids to look after on her own, I'd rather be in the middle of J'bad!" he laughs.

"Ray, thanks. Give Naima a kiss and tell her we can't thank her enough for this"

"Hey that's what family's for, right! I'll catch you later...Don't forget the rings Sonny... " He winks at him and leaves with Jason

"Yeah Clay, we're gonna go down with them too, " Trent smiles "wanna get a good seat. So we ca watch you fluff up your vows!" he laughs "actually... Metal wants to get a seat next to one of the Brit girl friends of Kelsey’s " he grins, hugging him tight "Good luck!"

"Thanks" Clay sighs as the room now goes quiet. He and Sonny are left alone in the silent calm.

"You okay?" Sonny watches him as he sips from his whiskey glass.

Sighing loudly, he nods "Yeah.. ..I'm good!"

"What is it?" he frowns. He can see the concerned frown lines on his forehead "Oh, don't tell me... you got cold feet! C'mon Clay, it's gonna go fine! Stop worryin'"

"No, it's just..... I wanna make her happy. You know, do the right thing for her. Feels like I went from a kid to a man in a year. "

"Hey... our baby seal grew up, nothin' wrong with that . Though.. you did tell her that gettin' married it don't mean you can't come out drinking, right? I mean she didn't put no damn clause in the vows did she? Cos I need my wing man from time to time"

"No, she didn't, at least I don't think she did" he laughs " I just can't believe how lucky I am. Thinking how I could've lost her, how I might not have all this. She's given me so much, Sonny. What have I given her?"

"I don't know, you can't think like that. Clay, it's not about what you give her, though I kinda get the impression you give her enough in the bedroom department " he smiles, Clay smiles too . "Some damn reason she loves ya ass.. I don't know why, cos personally, you get on my nerves.. " They both start to laugh. Sonny pouring them another drink "Be happy Clay, that's all I want for ya.. " they drink "Now.. " he checks the time on his watch "you damn well ready to do this? Cos it's time to go!"

Clay nods "Yeah.. yeah I'm ready!"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Kelsey takes another deep breath. She's so nervous as she looks at herself in the full-length mirror.

As dresses go they're not normally her thing. But looking at this tight, fishtail ivory lace wedding dress and how perfectly it fits against her curves. The sweetheart neckline making the most of her post birth cleavage. She smiles. She feels so good. So happy as she looks behind her at the long train veiling.

She stands tall pushing her chest out. It's like she's looking at a different person. Her hand smoothing over her flat stomach so proud she manage to get her weight down after the birth of the twins.   
  
Her beautician straightens her tiara in the front of her hair. She's got it piled high on her head curls hanging loosely. "So.. " she turns around looking at Jason " how do I look?"

"Wow! You look amazing. He's gonna love it. Not that he doesn't normally but... you look beautiful." he smiles

She gulps nervously, she's feeling so emotional, tears already welling in her eyes

"Hey... don't cry!" Jason hands her a tissue from his pocket "You don't wanna spoil the look "

"No, you're right.. " she dabs at her eyes. Her hands are shaking so much, and she can feel the nausea of nervous "Oh, my god! I'm so nervous."

"You look amazing. He's a lucky guy... he knows it. I couldn't be happier for the pair of you"

"Thank you .. and thank you for doing this. Giving me away. There wasn't anyone else I'd have wanted to ask. I know how important you are in Clay's life. That he looks up to you. But promise me something... promise you'll keep him safe. You know... when he's not with me , you won't let him do anything stupid, like get himself killed"

"Hey.. Jason kisses her head "You have my word, though I can't so much promise on the doing stupid things, this is Clay after all.. " he laughs "I feel lucky.... giving a beautiful woman to one of my team. I don't get to do that every day . I'm honored you asked me." he kisses her cheek " So you ready?"

"Yeah!" she takes a deep in " Yeah, I guess I am. Oh, was Naima okay with the kids?"

"Yeah her and Ray got this, don't worry. Casey's dressed they're waiting downstairs with the girls . Hey, just relax. I said don't worry!"

"I know but it's a lot to ask with her own kids..."

"Hey...hey everyone's fine. Just be calm. Now, shall we go?" Holding his arm out, he smiles. 

She sighs loudly, checking herself one last time in the mirror then linking her arm through his as he escorts out of the room.

Coming down the stairs from the lift lobby. she can feel the nerves. Relaxing as they get to the bottom where Naima waits with Ray and the kids to greet her.

She smiles, looking as Casey's dressed in a matching blue suit to Clay's "Hey baby..."

"Mummy!..." he points as he smiles. She crouches down, kissing his cheek. "Thank you Naima for doing this and for having them all tonight"

" You're welcome and by the way you look beautiful" she smiles

Ray kisses her cheek "He's gonna be made up, you look great!"

"Thanks! Hell I'm so nervous!" she sighs "Is he here?"

"Yeah he's here and for what it's worth, I think he's more nervous than you"

"Well I guess we shouldn't keep your daddy waiting then, right?!"

Naima and Ray pick up a travel seat each carrying the Spenser twins with them they head into the ceremony area to be seated. 

Casey walking in front of his mother. As th music begins her and Jason stand in the doorway waiting to enter as everyone takes their seats.

Jason smiles at her "Just relax okay... enjoy it! Hey..." he jokes trying to reassure her ".. do something for me, just be gentle with him tonight, I need him back in action next week"

"I 'll keep that in mind." she laughs "but I won't promise.."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"You ready?" Sonny frowns. He can see how anxious Clay is

"Is she here?"

"Yeah she's here. She looks amazing"

Clay sighs he daren't turn around, feeling like he might cry with emotion. "You got the rings right?"

"Rings..." Sonny frowns "Oh, shit!! You know think I may have left them in the room... in that little black box!"

"Sonny, please tell me you're joking . Sonny.... Sonny please tell me you're messing with me?"

"No! No, I'm not joking. I think left them on the table. " he searches his pockets "I need to go back upstairs…”

"Sonny, you can't go back, not now. Oh, god! Oh god, what're we going to do? Hell, you had one job ...one ... " Clay suddenly feels a paw on his arm and Cerb's sitting beside him. He whines as Clay looks down "Hey .. " he smiles patting him on the head "Good boy, now go sit with Brock..." He looks to the side willing Brock to call him back as again Cerb whines at him "Hey .. what you want boy? " he frowns as he puts his paw up again . "What the hell's he want Sonny?"

  
"Check it out..." he nods towards him, smiling

Clay frowns and then looking at Cerb's collar there is a small black box tied to it. Clay grins from ear to ear, undoing the ribbon and taking it off. As he opens it, checking inside, there sit the two gold wedding rings. "Oh, my god!" he beams, and sighs with relief.

"See told you I didn't have them..." Sonny pats him on the back. "We got this, as a team right. Now eyes front Sailor, your wife is now comin!"

Clay takes a deep breath, looking straight ahead.

Sonny's fidgeting nervously next to him. He knows Kelsey wanted a less formal affair than full uniform, but he still doesn't know why he had to wear a damn suit. Feeling itchy and uncomfortable .

The hotel looks beautiful filled with the lilies and lilac flowers she chose. Her and Clay both look up as they hear the cry from the babies. His two beautiful, twin, girls. He smiles thinking how lucky he is.

The music starts to play, and he stands tall, pushing his chest out. He closes his eyes and then as Sonny nudges him he turns around. The doors open wide. and he gasps watching her walk down the aisle on Jason's arm. He smiles, Jason looking so proud in his role.   
  
"She looks amazing, Sonny!"

"She sure does"

His hearts beating so hard as she now stands beside him. Jason passing her hand over to his.

She smiles, struggling to contain the bursting love she feels for him right now. Her eyes swell with tears. 

He coughs nervously pacing from foot to foot, staring her in the eye "You look beautiful.. I love you so much!"

  
"Shh!.... but thank you" she blushes, anxiously looking at him. Biting her quivering lip. She feels like she might cry at any moment, especially if he says too much to her. " I love you too!" her words struggle as her emotional voice cracks.

"Ladies and gentlemen we are gathered here today, to celebrate, the love of these two beautiful people, Clay and Kelsey and to join them together as husband and wife.

Kelsey starts with her vows, struggling with each word that she says, wiping the loose tear from her cheek  
  
"Clay I promise to love you in good times and in bad, when life seems easy and when it seems hard, when our love is simple, and when it is an effort. I promise to cherish you, and to always hold you in highest regard. These things I give to you today, and all the days of our life."

He smiles, he's hardly able to look at her now. Worried he's going to cry in front of everyone. He swallows anxiously and begins   
  
"Kelsey, at last you are going to be my wife! And I promise as our everyday life begins we will continue to be best friends. I will never let our honeymoon period end...." They guys all cheer from behind him, Metal making some lurid remark that makes them both laugh.. Recomposing himself he continues " Kelsey, loving you is the easiest, most obvious thing I've ever done, and I will love you for an eternity. I'm so grateful to have you and our beautiful children in my life. "

Staring at each other, hand in hand they then exchange rings.

"And so ... " the celebrant brings the service to an end "I can now, pronounce you husband and wife... You may kiss your bride!"

Clay smiles taking her cheek in his hand as he leans forward and placing his lips on hers he kisses her.

There's a whoop of cheers from behind them again and they lean against each other, cheeks flushed with a happy embarrassment.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

As the evening wears on and they dance. Kelsey has her arms locked around his neck. His hands stroking down the waist of her wedding dress. 

"You look absolutely amazing today..."

She smiles, biting teasingly on her lip. She looks around seeing who's looking at them and then she kisses him passionately "Well, you should see what I'm wearing underneath here!"

"Oh, really?" Clay's eyes light up with a sudden excitement. He hesitates stopping the dancing, looking her directly in the eyes "Mrs Spenser.... are you suggesting something?"

""Well maybe, Mr Spenser! You know, Naima's taken the kids home.. " she looks around again watching the guys all sitting around drinking ,some chatting her girl friends up "We have a hotel suite just upstairs. It's empty right now with a Jacuzzi and champagne.... "

"We do?... So then why the hell are we standing here, doing this?"

"I don't know you tell me."

"C'mon on then, let's sneak away, before anyone notices we're missing!"

He leads her away by the hand. The guys all look up noticing before they manage to get away and cat-calling to them as they walk past ... all of them now throwing something.

As Clay picks one of the 'packets' up off the floor he frowns. Then he smiles as he realizes they are individual condoms packets ."You know you're so funny guys.. not!"

"Yeah well... " Sonny calls out to him.." just to remind you two... safety first now you're married!"

Laughing at the joke between them all , he's so happy as he leads her up the stairs to the elevator lobby.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

**The wedding night... **

Opening the door to their room, he smiles. "Wait!..."

She frowns at first and then squeals loudly as he lifts her into a military over-the-shoulder position and then carries her over the doorway.

"Oh, my god Clay! Put me down!" She smiles but it turns her on, that he's strong enough to do that. And holding him tight she strokes her hands up his arms, enjoying the feel of his muscles under touch.

The hotel suite is amazing with floor to ceiling windows that look out over the city below, and a Jacuzzi .

"Wow!" he gasps checking it out. Looking out of the glass. He takes his jacket off and then pops the cork on the champagne which was in the bucket by the hot tub.

"It's nice... you like it?" she smiles, talking to him from behind.

"Yeah its great... " he turns around to face her, his mouth dropping open "Oh, my god! Not as great as you..." he gasps

She's stood by the bed. The dress is gone and in her high heels she now only wearing a white balconette bra and matching lace panties. Her hand sexily resting on her hip "You like?"

He puts the champagne glasses down " Oh, I like .. ". he smiles.

Taking her face in his hands, he presses his lips firmly against hers. Their mouths locked together, tongues tempting each other's senses. He's filled with desire and wants her so much.   
  
Her smiling, she can feel the needy urge he has in his pants as he forces it against her body and she slowly starts to unbutton his shirt. Teasing his chest with kisses, sliding the garment down his arms as he takes it off. Then pressing his bare skin against hers, wrapping his arms around her he un-clips her bra, dropping it to the floor.

She doesn't move, her eyes locked on his as he places his hands tenderly on her breast, his lips kissing at her neck, while she grapples with the buckle on his belt.

She's weak with a longing for him. Eager to release the hard pleasure contained inside his pants.   
  
He looks at her like she's the only thing in the world right now. Sitting her down on the bed, pushing her back so she's lying there in front of him. 

His mouth works its way over her body, across her chest, gently over her breasts then in a line to her stomach. She closes her eyes, groaning as he kisses her. His hands brushing down her waist to her hips, and then slowly, he slides her small lace panties down her legs. 

Stepping back, he takes off his pants and shorts. Then tanding over her, his desire on obvious display "Mrs Spenser, you are so _fuckin _sexy!"

She smiles, grinning looking at him. Her hand reaching out grasping him, pulling him towards her "You're not so shabby yourself... Mr Spenser! Now come here and give me that body of yours!"

He lays on top of her. Her fingers sliding over him, teasing and tempting his hardness. She doesn't want to let him go. The pleasure building to a crescendo between her legs and she groans loudly, excited as his fingers explore her softness. Satisfying and pleasing her while she wraps her leg around his waist , arcing her back, breathlessly calling his name.

"Clay... "she moans gasping in ecstasy as he thrusts forward into her, pressing and grinding against each other.

_ Mmmm!!....._ He smiles the feeling is so intense. He'd built up this moment, imagining it the time when he'd be making love to his..._ wife!!...._

"What're you thinking?" she can see him thinking and she smiles, stroking her hands through his hair, looking him deep in the eyes.

"Oh, just thinking how lucky I am, to have you. You gave me three, beautiful, children and I'm thinking about how to keep you happy."

"Well you know what would make me happy right now. That's for you to shut up, and come show me, how lucky you are" She rakes her nails down his back, holding him tight to her body.

He kisses her again, his hips grinding against hers.

She closes her eyes, the feeling inside building until she can't hold it back any longer and the feeling floods her senses with raw animal emotion. 

She bucks her hips, groaning and moaning in pleasure .He can feel it and its then for him to take his pleasure, groaning, his mouth biting in the crook of her neck, until his body gives out spilling his load into her.

He collapses beside her, his hands still stroking her over sensitive, tingling skin. Both hot and gasping for her air. Flushed with the blood pumping around their bodies, they cuddle against each other.

Time ticks by and quietly she sits up. She smiles. 

Then he watches as, still naked, she picks up her champagne glass , sipping from it, before she climbs, slowly, into the bubbling Jacuzzi.

He's sitting on the bed, now only able to see her breasts just above the water line, watching her teasing him. 

Beckoning with her finger, she tempts him to join her. " Come here Mr Spenser... Mrs Spenser wants you!"


End file.
